WHO IS TO BLAME WHEN A PARTNER CHEATS? || Soila & Curtis

[@PaulineKitoto]

You both are saying the same thing, it's the delivery that is different. Soila is addressing the end and the conclusion of the matter by saying 'the person is guilty' period! While Curtis is saying, 'I agree the person is guilty BUT let's address the issue of why it happened." Soila is combative because she thinks the 'BUT' means Curtis is excusing the behavior of cheating, while he really isn't. He is just trying to address the root of it. Great discussion. Serve us another one soon, kujeni kama hamjadiscuss tena, lol. Baraka!

[@winnymbaireofficial7544]

Ushasema.

[@SoilaandCurtis]

I can't add to this. You have said it well in a clear and straight to the point manner.

[@wambuimwangi6082]

Spot on

[@onthelatestnews]

Absolutely

[@stephenngumbau306]

A perfect example of rational thinking and emotional thinking

[@mindfull6054]

My husband cheated on me....I was 6 weeks pregnant and 5 days to my 2nd year anniversary when I found out and it had been going in for a while.worst pain ever. And I was the one pushing to break it off, worst part I found out 5 days to our 2 years anniversary...I was home with a sick child and a maid who was sick as well while he was at a freinds introduction chatting and planning with the side piece ..I was devasted Thank God I never ended my life.i have never experienced such pain and never want to ever feel that way or wish it on anyone. Mind you no one is forced to cheat, it's a personal desicion. I was prayerful, hardworking all you could think of a proverbial woman, am I perfect no but I prefer if there issues we work things out.

[@lydy200]

Honestly if couples were like Soila and Curtis this world would be a better place for sure!!

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Hahaha. You are too kind Lydia. Thank you.

[@nancynasimiyu1684]

This needs a roundtable so much content to be explored ...but great views offered

[@mindfull6054]

Love is measured on 4 indices. Sacrifice, passion, pleasure commitment. Nothing gives you the jurisdiction to cheat.

[@jeremymakokha4797]

Now that cheating is happening even in situations partners love each other .What's the cause?Do cheating mean there's no love?

[@vivianawour1941]

Who else thinks that Curtis is just wise..I mean i don't justify cheating it's the most disgusting thing in marriage but your points Curtis really need to be looked at by couples

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Thank you for seeing the point Vivian. Barikiwa sana.

[@mikeomamo3645]

I'm not a fan of vlogs but I love how authentic Soila and Curtis are!!!!Authenticity is everything! I also think you are both agreeing with each other and I'm agreeing with both of you.

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Thanks a lot for watching Mike and we are glad you've enjoyed the content.

[@malombomwarumba8143]

The realest couple on the internet in the 254, if not whole of Africa ❤❤❤ Insightful conversation as always. While I agree with Soila that it's entirely the cheater's responsibility that they cheated, I equally agree with Curtis that it helps greatly to look at what might have led to the sin of adultery. Looking at things from that perspective can even help a partner stop at their track and get the required help before committing adultery.

[@dorahmulinge3800]

Halfway through the video and let me comment mapemaa. Soila is speaking from ideals. Curtis is speaking from the point of kwa ground. I realised it's easy to be stuck with ideals, and yes, that should be the standard but the reality kwa ground ni different. Embracing Curtis point of view helps you understand the situation better. I see where Curtis is coming from, totally.

[@winnymbaireofficial7544]

Yes i totall agree. In life leave alone cheating, but even on other matters. Our actions have been influenced by something to do a particular thing. In this case i agree that cheating is wrong, but the action of cheating has been influenced maybe by certain uncorrected behavior by either of the spouse. Again, i believe, no one wakes up and says today i am.going to cheat on my wife, i believe there are instances where you can be caught up and find yourself in actions that were not predetermined and planned. In other cases, when you find a fulfilment of that which is neglected in your marriage, you might find yourself acting wrongly, because theres an empty space that needs filling. Soila is talking of the ideals, which is what everyone should do, but that is not what happens sometimes. Am sure soila has found herself doing somethings wrong even when you know its wrong. So i believe that yes you can influence someone to cheat.

[@winnymbaireofficial7544]

Also for me cheating is way beyond having intercourse with someone else. But the moment my husband stops sharing his heart with me, being vulnerable with me, confiding e.t.c. Whether or not he is sleeping outside, thats cheating. So cheating is multi dimensional and not only when sex is involved.

[@dorahmulinge3800]

@@winnymbaireofficial7544 exactly!

[@SoilaandCurtis]

This is brilliant. Ideals vs Reality. The two need to have balance.

[@onthelatestnews]

I agree

[@onthelatestnews]

Wueh...wacha niache opinion yangu pia😅. 1. Cheating is wrong in all ways and in all circumstances and cannot be justified. Any one who cheats must take responsibility of that act. 2. Neglecting your partner and or putting them in circumstances ( such as mistreatment, cold treatment, disrepect, etc) that could cause them pain and influence them towards making wrong decison (such as cheating, sometimes violence, committing suicide, etc.) is equally wrong. Any one who puts their partner into such situations must equally take responsibility of their action. That said, both parties are wrong and each party must take full responsibility of their actions. This is what builds a healthy relationship. If one party is not taking full responsibility of their actions, then it turns into a blame game and eventually every comes down. Sometimes it's hard for the party that has committed the "lesser wrong" to own up their mistakes and this is a mistake many of us do. Blessing Soila and Curtis.

[@jeremymakokha4797]

Its evident that most of people don't know what neglect can do especially emotionally

[@moniquemalinda]

This episode gave us a glimpse of how your arguments look like 😂😂😂... Soila is like sssh shhh.. don’t interrupt me... and Curtis listens hoping not to be interrupted when it’s his turn to plead the case but wapi?😂😂😂😂 Anyway... long story short, I agree with Soila... the cheater is to be blamed for not upholding their vows

[@SoilaandCurtis]

😂😂😂😂

[@Solemn256]

Both of you make valid points. There is no excuse for cheating. If your needs are not met, communicate. If nothing changes, you can always leave. Curtis explains well pia on always exploring the causes of a problem. Taking accounts and stocks of what may have contributed to the problem. Nothing exists in a vacuum. This doesn't necessarily mean automatically you forgive or embrace the individual. Rather, looking at the issue wholestically. We should do this, if not for anything else, then for our own personal growth. It takes a lot of grace to see beyond our personal hurt and see how we might have messed up, too. I understand this an emotive topic.

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Thanks Amina! You have laid it pretty well. If we just condemn the actions but never interrogate what caused the actions we have not really helped the situation.

[@JacquelineLilih]

I really appreciate both your open opinion in this matter of Cheating in Marriage. I just threw my husband out of the house when I caught him with my cousin sister who is my daughter's nanny in the room assigned to her in my home. You see I'm a soldier and I travel alot and do not meet his sexual need but should he have done it in my own family and house? I agree with Soila. I have worked with men as an officer in the army. I can honestly say in front of God and men that I have never cheated or thought of cheating with another man. I sacrifice my sexual gratification while serving my country so why should I excuse him of not keeping it in his pants? I was not kind enough, humble enough, submissive enough to forgive him and keep him. So should I be blamed for it?

[@jeremymakokha4797]

Prof Curtis...you are on point .

[@ivykirera287]

Let me throw a spanner in the works. The foundation of two in a marriage is two keep each other warm and if one falls into a pit the other pulls him/her out. Often we believe this wisdom is only applied to friendships but it applies to marriage as well. Falling is possible, covering your spouse is the responsibility...not covering by sweeping under the rug but ensuring the necessary help is met immediately(health is involved, stds hiv etc) a conversation with. Best couple and or counselor is best advised. This is a sober conversation that Curtis and Soila are having but I can assure you 99% of the time when this happens one spouse is not in the space to think soberly the picture is of one friend yelling at the other in the pit and thinking of burying them in it ready with a shovel and at times a crew instead of sourcing for help to get out and then talk, check the wounds and adjust the vision. Not many have a safe community, some communities have proven to be gossip communities, couples would rather die outchea than open up except to a counselor. Thank God for the few true that exist. The point is marriage is for the mature and at times maturity means being able to look into the funk that your spouse has. Hold discussions as a couple away from home, go to a restaurant and find time to check on your spouse. So much is happening that at times couples are beaten up in the world, involved in personal warfare so bad that they forget to speak to one another and speak to God too, together. I pray for anyone facing such a predicament - speak to your spouse and speak to God where you both have no energy to provide what you both need from each other or stand strong in the same. Remember two are better than 1, if one is cold he keeps the other warm and if one falls into a pit the other can pull him out. Extend grace if you are truly friends first, work it out as much as you can. If it costs your life by all means separate because it's no longer a union, one is looking to put asunder. My two✌️sense

[@jacquelinenjoroge6665]

How I love soila's reactions😅😅😅

[@jeremymakokha4797]

Why do you need an expert opinion ?Curtis is a super expert.

[@RuthRapholo]

Thanks for noting God's Grace and God being the anchor...serious topic eyyyy

[@rockerzkariuki5487]

Hey whats up guys its kefa, loving the content.

[@flourishingflo]

I'm with Soila in this.The person cheating is responsible for their action,even if there are factors contributing to the action,there are many more ways to handle and solve the issues.

[@fidelispenelopy254]

The Bottoming here, from what I've captured is, choose someone who has the capacity/wisdom to handle some shortcomings as opposed to acting on instant gratification of what's lacking.. And if one don't have that capacity then pray to God who freely and readily gives us wisdom (when we ask) to handle valleys.. Before God's eyes sin is sin. And that's why He emphasis on Trusting and being Complete in Him.. That way, God's convictions in us will keep us in check!

[@njeriworldwide]

Uuuurgh finallyyyyyy😭😭😭! I have been waiting for a new video from you guys

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Pole for the delay. Things come up sometimes.

[@connie7192]

Soila has refused. 😂😂

[@merlinendolo4719]

I think it's one of those decisions you make before you are faced with it: like chastity before marriage. I am with Soila on this one maybe because I am a woman. As human beings we are agents not objects that means we get to make choices unlike a chair that you can do with it whatever you want. You can't say "Alifanya nifanye kitu fulani." We act rather than be acted upon.

[@tabulousdivine7951]

Well said👏👏👏

[@SoilaandCurtis]

We hear you. This is a good perspective.

[@lucyboboh3024]

Curtis is thinking like a man(rational thinking)while soila is thinking like a woman(emotional thinking).Both are right

[@worshipmomentswithhephziba5419]

Your faithfulness is to God first before it gets to your spouse(assuming we are all born again) so, anything I decide to do is all based on my relationship with Him. My thought

[@tabulousdivine7951]

Soila👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏. This topic was very hot🔥🔥. Good job guys... it's as clear as CHOICE(Wisdom that will inform your decisions)... Influenced or not...choice still boils back down to the individual. Cheating in marriage is wrong in every manner and form and the truth is Job 31:11[AMP] and Mark 7:21[AMP]. Curtis has really tried to put up a good case 🤣😅 but it all narrowed down to the one truth👏🙏...Adultery is a sin.

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Hahaha. That case was a hard one to uphold. Thanks for watching Divine. Barikiwa sana

[@tabulousdivine7951]

@@SoilaandCurtisTruly❤🤗❤

[@PaulineKitoto]

Let me attempt to contribute to the discussion: Sex is a BIG DEAL to God. So much so that he says, "not even prayer and fasting should come between your sexual relations with your spouse." The text is "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Cor 7:5 It's true what Curtis says, sexual relations in marriage is a mystery. Once awakened, God obligates us to keep at it, as often as possible and if we need a break because of prayer then okay, go for that break but don't make it too long that you fall into Satan's trap. Frequent sex is a protection for your marriage. This is to say, that if a spouse withholds his or her body from their partner they are opening up a door for Satan to devour and destroy them. They will be as much guilty as the one who engaged in the act of cheating. The reason why it's hard to accept that I might have influenced my spouse to cheat is that it's the most grievous sin you can ever commit to your loved one, so we want no part of it. It's human nature to avoid blame. In the garden of Eden, everyone blamed the other. Adam said 'it is the woman you gave me' Eve said 'it is the serpent who made me do it.' God met consequences to all of them, because they all disobeyed him. From the one who ate the forbidden fruit to the one influenced the eating, kila mtu alipata kichapo yake. It's human nature to want no part of the greatest form of betrayal you can ever commit to your spouse. Kusema ukweli, it takes a VERY humble spirit to admit their part in another's sin. VERY humble and I'm not sure even I can be humble enough to say I contributed to my husband's cheating. Ngumu sana! So in that aspect, I understand Soila's reaction. But I do know if I did open a door for Satan to toy around with us, then I am guilty of that fact and my husband's cheating isn't more serious than my influencing. That said, God atuweke sote until the end. Amen.

[@SoilaandCurtis]

This is a fantastic breakdown that leaves no stone unturned. I love it! Thank you.

[@tabulousdivine7951]

Wuuuueeeeeh its Soila's facials and reactions for me.....🤣😅😅😅🤣🤣

[@SoilaandCurtis]

😂😂😂

[@janegicheru973]

excellent convo, we need more of this topics to share

[@dennismuthuri6661]

Curtis si anakuwanga na "data shows" and "research shows"nyingi. Huyu jamaa hushinda Google na kwa vitabu inakaa.

[@SoilaandCurtis]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MihadyBrenda]

no.2 Already deciding to marry someone is a decision one makes soberly,(hopefully) So if I decide to make a decision to commit, to doing life with a partner,( Side note : Which is a lot of sacrifice despite loving someone, trust me living alone is easier than with another person, for there is less to tolerate)... and disrespects me that much,... I think there is no room, and time for negotiation, there is nothing I need to understand. And nothing to talk about. Why? I equally would be having moments of being fed up and wanting to quit but I look to consider what's more worth,... So if you consider yourself weak, and not strong enough as you may think of the other person thus you need to be favoured,....... then please,... do not simply commit to marriage. PERIOD.

[@Metrine702]

There's no excuse to cheating! There's a better way of solving out issues than cheating and yess, nothing validates cheating regardless...Solia I agree with you 100%

[@SoilaandCurtis]

This is true. Inasmuch as there may be underlying issues leading to the act, it is not justifiable or excusable.

[@lilywhite8029]

It is a cowardly and temporary of solving issues but you can't stand divorcing your spouse because you still love them or are paranoid to be single again It is a mental health issue. Cheating is a process, it starts with small small issues then boom one day, your home is not what you thought or imagined it would be. A quick fix is cheating; I am not justifying but that's how it is. A spouse who invalidates your concerns even after communicating makes one cheat on them because happiness is your responsibility.

[@samkaybeauty2862]

I agree with Curtis on this one 👌🏽

[@joankimani214]

This video just Made me think,would I accept being the person neglecting the other person? How would I change make things better? Thank you!

[@chocolateblended]

Curtis, I'm going to agree with you on this one

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Kabisa! Thank you Barbara. 🙂

[@irenewanja2153]

The responsibility is to break up ama what type of responsibility should they take

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Thanks one way. Another way is making amends with the people who have been hurt in the process as well as deal with one's own issues that led to the actions.

[@violetatero5145]

Am with Soila on this 💯

[@ItsWorkingTogetherForMyGood]

Cheating is a tragedy. It is like shooting your spouse in the head and then saying sorry while they are bleeding. Undressing before someone else and being intimate with a stranger is tragic. Sex is spiritual. Jesus Himself okayed divorce in the event of unfaithfulness. Cheating should never be taken lightly and both husband and wife should hold each other accountable.

[@nguruawino3399]

Cheating is cheating Jimmy. Hakuna excuse.

[@shikytabs9834]

No excuse validates cheating.

[@jeremymakokha4797]

Of course cheating is wrong but we must acknowledge and address contributing factors

[@carolinewainaina4426]

Lakini neglect is bad . Such an emotional damaging act

[@SoilaandCurtis]

That thing is not a joke btw.

[@MihadyBrenda]

Now hear this...Most men claim they are 'being punished' if there is a conflict and sex does not happen. But the truth of the matter is, women are not attracted to men physically at first, unless its lust. Women are emotional beings, thus it starts in the mind.. so if things are not ok upstairs, they can't be down stairs, which means a man shouldn't ignore the fact that he has to contribute to making things right, and give it time...for that only, already softens a woman's heart and definitely she will sooner visualise the man differently. If this is not the case,... then sex to you as a man, or woman,is just an action that you want to get to it and get done, other than being in it together, both physically and emotionally in order to also, connect.(which again, if you are just casual then don't get married)

[@melodykwamboka7814]

I think anyone agreeing with Curtis must have cheated at some point mnajaribu kujitetea 😂😂vitu za kujitakia

[@rubybukachi_official]

Fundamental rights and moral code should never be reason to over step boundaries worse still they shouldn't be reason for defending violation of either.

[@ruthkerubo5005]

Before you guys agreed. This debate was hot like the Argentina and France game. At first I was team Curtis but at minute 16:54 I shifted to Soila because of the point of arresting the evil thought that leads to sin early enough. And that before you actually sin. You have actually orchestrated it intentionally or unintentionally...you have entertained it and allowed yourself to Sin. I was eventually team Soila( although we all agree eventually) for the reason that she preaches a sermon that is for me to be responsible, reasonable, wise, disciplined and careful. This is a timely message for me. How would I be accountable? To which community can I identify with in holding myself accountable? How do I arrest these thoughts especially when it is someone I'm working with and I can't avoid them? P.S I'm not married, I have watched this in the context of falling for a handsome, hardworking, humble NON- BELIEVER....🙂 I'm your #1 fan

[@SoilaandCurtis]

Hey Ruth. Thanks a lot for the feedback. We will be doing a video on how exactly to create a system that helps one with being accountable. We hope you will find it helpful.

[@carolinenjoroge1195]

Cheating is selfishness You can communicate or just leave🙄

[@SoilaandCurtis]

It's definitely selfishness for sure because one is not thinking about the impact it will have on the other person.

[@lilywhite8029]

@@SoilaandCurtis The same way the spouse who pushes you to cheat doesn't care about the impact on you for invalidating your concerns . It is the responsibility of every spouse to act in a manner that will not lead to cheating. Validate, listen and give support to your spouse, he or she won't cheat.

[@sakuraesther6309]

@@lilywhite8029 Cant wait to do it thwn blame him for not listening . thanks boo

[@nancie_daisy3213]

Why can't you just communicate to your spouse 😊

[@user-dt4tz9fg3e]

😅😅😅😅

[@_joan_jay]

So much accuracy with Soila👌🤌