Whose Job is it to Create Safety in a Relationship?

Join Sheleana Aiyana and Relationship Alchemist Stefanos Sifandos for a conversation on safety.
- Whose job is it to create safety?
- The energy of demand vs. the energy is wisdom
- Our energetic impact
- Co-Creating Safety
- Nervous System Regulation and Self-Soothing Tools
You can find Stefanos through his website: stefanossifand...
Stefanos on Instagram: / stefanossifandos
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#consciousrelationships #healing #innerwork

[@Beyondthemindpodcast]

Healing from an unsafe relationship. I am so grateful for these kinds of conversations. I pray to one day find a partner to practice conscious relationship with

[@tammybarnardo6313]

It's wonderful when you find a partner that helps reprogram the fight or flight response and teach you what "normal" is for the nervous system.

[@ladyk2002]

I heard this and I was so confused when the man was being verbally abusive.. Of course that hurt and wasn't safe. But to say this was my responsibility?? No.. I think 🤔not.. Yes I'm responsible for my part of taking care of this hurt and letting them know that hurts. There wasn't any empathy or apologies and told me he felt I was being to sensitive 😔. This was not a safe or healthy relationship. Thanks you two for expressing this topic and truth.

[@carlajbayne3376]

Wow.. Deeply insightful thanks He is beautiful. 💫💫💫💥🔥

[@battfamily435]

This guy is so emotionally intelligent and that's what too many men are missing. It's partly not their fault. They've been conditioned over thousands of years to be strong and disconnected from themselves. And now that women are recognizing that we want more and not settling, the poor things are just confused. We need more men like this guy in the public sphere. Men need to feel 'safe' to be emotional. It's a sign of strength.

[@nectarina3891]

I think it's really important to parse out what is someone acting in a way that makes me feel unsafe and what is me feeling unsafe out of a habit or because of previous experiences. There have been times in arguments where my partner has acting used an angry tone and body language with me that was not ok and he has worked on that and doesn't do it anymore. and there have also been times where he is doing nothing wrong but I am remembering experiences I had with my father growing up and being scared that they will happen again even though my partner would never and has never done those things. I think in the first scenario it's his job to change that behavior and be safe to be around and in the second it's my job to recognize and regulate my emotional reactions (which he sometimes helps with, but is not his job.) He is also working to be cognizant of the fact that because he is bigger and stronger than me I always feel more vulnerable than he does and he needs to be sensitive to that.

[@RisingWoman]

Great share and thank you! Definitely, and (we cover this in the episode) in relationship there are levels of evolution. When we approach safety from that place of projection you mention, it can come out as a demand for someone to save us from ourselves or make us feel safe. But when it comes from a high octave, we realize that we can do it alone but we are wise enough to know we shouldn’t. When coming from a higher frequency, co-creating safety for and with our partners is a beautiful gift. We have been so conditioned to think individualistically and this is a call home to a more relational lens. 💕

[@amandamcmillan9571]

This was such a perfect topic and the things stayed really resonated with me, thank you.

[@andreaherrmann9319]

Thank you so much for this insightful conversation! And for sharing those little personal examples - I could very well relate to that! "No man is an island." - so true! Please keep on posting such valuable content on youtube, as I have neither Instagram nor Facebook! Blessings to both of you and everyone out there!

[@Thefreedomwithinyou]

This is so beautiful

[@Kate_Coppin]

Great discussion!!! Thank you so much Shay and Stefanos. 🙏🏻✨💜

[@battfamily435]

What is needed is two people brave enough to be vulnerable and expect love anyway. Emotional maturity is a key requirement. A person needs to have done a certain degree of self healing.

[@junesherlock425]

Are you kidding me. If you are being hit and thrown around by a partner, you’ve already done what you can psychologically. There is a need to first be safe, and then do spiritual and psychological work

[@PeterAcrat]

2:29 ... So Sheleana, how then do you factor in Brain plasticity and its relationship to locus of control (maybe I said that fack-to-bront) ?... OR interestingly: the manifestation of physiological change in those with multiple personalities when they switch?... or physical changes in those (legit ppl) who channel? IMO, if _you_ hold a perceptual position where you stand on both sides of the fence, then you won't see it one way or the other - you will see both sides of the fence. Still comes back to you and your choice/decision/conviction/belief. Furthermore, "Safety" is in fact a nominalisation: A function of language that turns a process into a "thing"; like 'my _marriage_ is broken' "Marriage is a process, not a thing. As is Safety. Additionally: "Safe" according to who's standards? Is the meaning we each apply to the term not ultimately subjective? Finally, when assessing the level of safety, is the observer functioning through a perceptual framework that drives Separation, or through one that augers inclusion? These opposites get entirely different results. Is fear not simply the indicator that one is 'separating'? And so; what of our human desire for 'survival' - is this truely valid in a universe where there purportedly is no 'death' but instead the shedding of the physical 'shell'? "Nobody can make you (this or that)...." Yes: Ideally. So let's shoot for that, keeping in mind that the FIRST relationship we have as 'relational beings' is the one with ourselves - and it requires we steer our attention inward _more_ than outward. Perhaps it is useful to simply Trust we each will attract only the types of relationships we have the capacity to grow from. Whether we do or not, that's a choice we make too.

[@RisingWoman]

Make your way through the episode and most of your pondering will be covered.

[@TheDirtyCaller]

Damn bro just cut the cerebral wanderings. You are mixing so many levels at once. Soooo lost in your head. What are you even trying to communicate?