Why Adult Children Cut Off Contact / Stop Speaking To Their Parents | Family Estrangement Explained

Family estrangement is being called a silent epidemic by mental health professionals because the numbers of estranged families are increasing. Estrangement is something new in the sense that it was rare in previous generations for adult children to stop speaking with their parents. In this video I’ll explain the many reasons this happens.
❃❃❃ Online Courses ❃❃❃
🎥 Cognitive Defusion: How To Unhook From Upsetting Thoughts becoming-an-expert-at-self-leadership.teachable.com/p/how-to-unhook-from-upsetting-thoughts
🎥 Mental Habits: How They Stand In Your Way Or Lift You Up becoming-an-expert-at-self-leadership.teachable.com/p/mental-habits
🎥 Self-empowered O'Clock: How To Spend Time The Way You Truly Want To becoming-an-expert-at-self-leadership.teachable.com/p/self-empowered-o-clock-course
❃❃❃ Free Stuff ❃❃❃
📬 Self-leadership email newsletter: maikasteinborn.com/newsletter
📧 7-day email challenge “Courage To Do What Matters” 👉 maikasteinborn.com/email-challenge
🎥 30-min online course “Courage To Do What Matters” 👉 becoming-an-expert-at-self-leadership.teachable.com/p/courage-to-do-what-matters
❃❃❃ What To Watch Next ❃❃
▶ 10 Common Mistakes Parents Make With Their Adult Children | Parent-Adult Child Realtionship
kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJ2pkKOveauGeNk
▶ Psychologist On How To Empathize With Your Adult Child I Family Empathy | Empathetic Parent
kzbin.info/www/bejne/oYvYaYejpLZ2aa8
▶ Psychologist On How To Be More Empathic | Empathetic
kzbin.info/www/bejne/iXrYqH1toMdme6M
▶ Don't Do This To Your Loved Ones! | Empathy Misses | Fails | These 8 Responses Are Not Empathetic
kzbin.info/www/bejne/jajXl36oqatpra8
▶ Empathy playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLzRKYOPcN3c97nseZRMs1Q4FC_vmFCr0_
❃❃❃ Channel Description ❃❃❃
Hi! I'm Maika - a psychologist, course designer and KZbin creator. The purpose of my work is to assist you in becoming an expert at self-leadership, so you can live your life to the fullest.
"There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." Nelson Mandela
▶ What is self-leadership? kzbin.info/www/bejne/eoC7i35vmd-fa9E
▶ My webpage: maikasteinborn.com/
▶ Support my work (Thank you!): www.patreon.com/drmaikasteinborn
❃❃❃ Social Media ❃❃❃
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@dr.maikasteinborn
Instagram: drmaikasteinborn
❃❃❃ Video Content ❃❃❃
00:00 Introduction
00:49 1) Your Ex Has Alienated Them From You
01:15 2) Your Son- Or Daughter-In-Law Made This Decision
01:40 3) Your Child's Therapist Recommended It
02:20 4) This Is Your Child's Way Of Enforcing Boundaries
02:54 5) Your Relationship Is A Threat To Your Child's Emotional & Mental Health & Growth
04:03 6) You Disagree On Issues That Are Very Important To You & / Or Your Child
04:49 7) The Way You Or Your Family Treats Your Child Makes Them Feel Less Than
05:22 8) You Haven't Been Willing To Be Accountable For What Happened In Your Child's Childhood
❃❃❃ Recommended Reading ❃❃❃
Coleman, J. (2021). Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. New York: Harmony Books.
❃❃❃ Music & Sound Effects ❃❃❃
Simple - Patrick Patrikios bit.ly/3wc4G9j
You're No Help - Silent Partner bit.ly/2XcJkJb
Click Sound Effects - Free Sound bit.ly/2zYikVK
❃❃❃ Disclaimer ❃❃❃
I do not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability and accuracy of the information given on this channel. Any action you take upon the information on this channel is strictly at your own risk, and I will not be liable for any losses and damages in connection to the use of my channel. The information I provide cannot be taken as a substitute for advice, diagnosis or treatment by mental health professionals. Please consult your health professionals before making health-related decisions.
#familyestrangement #estrangement #selfleadershipexperts
Keywords: becoming an expert at self leadership, maika steinborn, family estrangement, estrangement, estrangement children, estrangement child, estrangement daughter, estrangement from parents, estrangement from son, estrangement from daughter, estrangement son, estrangement meaning, estranged child, estranged children, family estrangement in adulthood, family matters understanding estrangement, how to deal with family estrangement, whats fueling family estrangement

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and here are videos related to this one: ▶ 10 Common Mistakes Parents Make With Their Adult Children | Parent-Adult Child Realtionship kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJ2pkKOveauGeNk ▶ Psychologist On How To Empathize With Your Adult Child I Family Empathy | Empathetic Parent kzbin.info/www/bejne/oYvYaYejpLZ2aa8 ▶ Psychologist On How To Be More Empathic | Empathetic kzbin.info/www/bejne/iXrYqH1toMdme6M ▶ Don't Do This To Your Loved Ones! | Empathy Misses | Fails | These 8 Responses Are Not Empathetic kzbin.info/www/bejne/jajXl36oqatpra8 ▶ Empathy playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLzRKYOPcN3c97nseZRMs1Q4FC_vmFCr0_

[@thisisntallowed9560]

To every parents reading this, you know very well why your child cut contact, you're just looking for excuses because you don't want to admit that you're the problem. And the fact that you can't self-reflect and take responsability for how much you hurt them is why they cut contact. You don't deserve them and your child deserves better, they are right to cut contact with you.

[@ChaiLatte13]

This makes a lot of sense. My husband doesn't talk to his mother and it is a mix of everything you said here. His mom is not willing to have any conversation. She just yells.

[@Melancholygreen]

This was fantastic. Thank you for this list. It’s a good list to work on relationship skills to keep communication healthy and open for parents like me, too, who still have full contact with my adult kids and don’t want that to change. I want to stay open to them always, but having come from a different background than that I am without healthy examples of how to keep things open and healthy without disagreements shutting things down. There might be parents watching this who refuse to see things from their child’s perspective with an open and empathetic heart, and that’s really very sad. Our kids never stop needing parents, and as people none of us stop growing so why should our relationships never need maintenance? A growth mindset is crucial when you have kids.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Wonderfully put, very on point 👌🏻, thank you ✨

[@HennyWarren]

My son cut ties with his entire family (myself and his brothers) No explanation, no response to any messages. We have no idea what has happened. Even if he has an issue with me, he absolutely ADORED his oldest brother but he even cut him off. We are absolutely clueless.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

That’s tough 💔

[@alexusevans1751]

Probably because the brother is close to you

[@thelazynortherngardener7607]

I'm so sorry ❤

[@dianagarrison3138]

If you don’t know why you’ve been estranged, then that is a huge part of the problem. You are saying that you’re not tuned in to your child, and that you’re not close. My mother claims she doesn’t know but: I’ve begged for her to treat me kindly my whole life, she never lets me finish a sentence, she “corrects” me constantly - of course she doesn’t know!! Ironic.

[@thelazynortherngardener7607]

@dianagarrison3138 I hope you have told her exactly that and tried to reconcile ❤️

[@dimitrii_p]

thank you very much Dr Steinborn, this video helped me understand why I cut the ties with my parents and put my mind at rest.

[@Katanasquirrel87]

I wish my parents could have the kind of introspection this video insists upon. My father was incredibly toxic and would repeatedly insult my mother, when she was the person who solely raised me. I tried to raise boundaries and asked that he not say those things around me, and he then decided that I was the one who should be targeted. I haven't blocked my father entirely from contact, but I cannot be around him unless he can engage with some amount of introspection about how being raised in that environment hurt me. At the same time, my mom insists that I need to completely forgive him, despite me repeatedly explaining that I can't forgive him and move on unless he's willing to engage with self reflection. At the same time, she's repeatedly shoo'ed off insulting comments made by my family, and will not speak to me without yelling over almost everything I say. While I love her, it's incredibly hard to feel wanted and cared for by her and I'm worried I might need to set that boundary with another parent. Parents can often times have trouble shutting off the part of their brain that identifies you as a child and not as an adult, who deserves to be taken seriously as an adult. While it may be their best intention, they can often look at any conversations and growth discussions, not as one adult talking to another adult, but as a child not knowing how the world works. It's incredibly frustrating as someone who wants to have full contact with all of my family, to be looked at as less than and to have your parent back that thought. I would love to be a more active part in my family, but the reality is that if I'm going to be insulted and not feel like I have any kind of back up, then I really don't want that kind of toxicity in my life. It's an incredibly sad decision to have to make almost any time it happens.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Thank you for sharing your experience. A relationship to parents not willing to introspect can be tough terrain to navigate 💯. All the best to you 💖

[@jacquelinecorey3789]

This video is so on point. Thank you for posting this! 🙏

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

☺️🙏🏻☀️

[@TheHellomypeople]

Ive done that as a child for thw reason number 4. My mum projects her insecurities on me and she didnt respect my privacy and boundaries. Now when im pregnant its useful to know what the reasons may be to try and avoid mistakes

[@ThePhantomLion]

We are DONE with toxic relationships, they brought this upon themselves, simple as that.

[@lindseyroy1629]

You are likely the toxic one.

[@badado]

Really .. are you absolutely positive YOU AS A XHILD HAVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOXICITY IN YOUR FAMILY OR HOW YOU TREATED YOUR PARENTS OR BEEN FOOLISH ENOUGH TO CHOOSE THE ADVICE OF A NEW PARTNER OR BF OR GF THAT YOU WERE QUICK TO OUT ABOVE YOUR OWN PARENTS??

[@thisisntallowed9560]

@@badado IF YOU YELL LIKE THIS IT MAKES YOU SOUND EMOTIONALLY STABLE

[@thelazynortherngardener7607]

​@badado when we type in all caps, people consider it to be yelling ❤

[@dianagarrison3138]

I don’t think estrangement is new at all; we’re just being a lot more honest about it. My uncles might have had “a hard time”, but I am naming and claiming.

[@user-kp8gn9jk2q]

#3 i guess. I cant get a answer. Its odd that right after she started therapy she cut me off.

[@bishdizzle67]

Cutting ties with parents shows a lack of long term vision and love. I'm not talking about real abuse here. I know parents who are not abusive or overbearing and love their kids. In fact, these parents honestly are shook. I believe there are a lot of terrible trends out there.

[@tmking7483]

Estrangement is not rare it's been going on forever. Almost every story in the Bible addresses these issues.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! My impression is that it's become more of a topic of wide public awareness and discussion these days. Also, estrangement is different from cutting the metaphorical umbilical cord, which is a topic I feel has more of a longstanding tradition...

[@givslip]

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​@@DrMaikaSteinbornI too think estrangement, have gone on forever in human history. But it is a family taboo subject and filled with a lot of shame too it publicly. So i think previous in history, it just was not a subject too be discussed or admitted too others, outside the family unit. Its a very shamefull and taboo thing too be, or too talk about with others, that you or others are in your family with each other. No one likes too tell other people, that their family has fallen apart. Others will judge it harshly and start think bad of you. If you are an parent, whose child have cut you of, you risk other people thinking you most have done something really bad and abusive too that child, for that child too have estranged from you and remain unwilling, to reconcile with you. The more time that goes on with a child - parent estrangement, the more evident it becomes for others, that there was abusive or abandonment involved. Small things can be reconciled in time. Seriously abuse, can not. Children don't orphan themselves generally, without very good reasons for doing it, no matter what the other parent says too them, bad mouthing the other parent. Reconciliation always happens in general, if no emotional/ violence/ sexual or neglect abuse or abandonment, happened. No one rejects an other good or empathy kind hearted human being. Somebody fucked up the relation. In every relationship there is two people, but only one is needed too fuck it up. The harsh reality i think your video neglects, is the sad reality of when it becomes necessary for a child, too flee away from an unfit abusive parent, never too return again and orphan themselves, to protect themselves from more abuse or more neglect or a toxic lying person. Some children may even start fearing for their life, if subjected too seriously abuse from an parent and it may even, be a real thing. That the parent is subjecting the child too so harsh abuse, it becomes a matter of life or death, for the child too get away alive, from that parent, both physically abuse or really psychological abuse, like deaththreats or use of physically intimidation. The child can later get pstd and commit suicide, if subjected too horrors as a child. - No sane adult child that has been seriously abused as a child from a parents side, would ever let their own small children now, be alone with their previously abusive parent as a grandparent, now. Many parents i think crossed the line into child abuse during anger or rage outburst and some, totally over the unforgivetable line, never too be crossed, did. And then they start denying that they did so and they don't want too take responsibility for it afterwards and runs away, abandoning their children and estrangement happens forever then. Deadbeats toxic abusive parents. They don't want too take responsibility, but blame the other parent for it, because they love themselves more themselves, not wanting too risk criminal charges as a child abuser, too be uncovered by other. Run away from the consequences and deny it forever and hope, no criminal charges come to fuck up their own life. You can always get a new partner and make new children, with that partner, if you are still young. But child abuse convictions, are an lifetime consequence following one. So they run away and deny it forever and starts a new family up again afterwards. Children are dispensibel for abusive- and toxic parents. Children can also drive an parent too cut them of, if the child is toxic and the abuser, but its more likely the other way around, because the parent have the physical power in the relation, when the child was just a child. Nobody can really convince an child, that their parent is bad, if that parent is not, but an empathic kind hearted non abusive person. If you as a parent are confidential with your child and your child adores you, then its really hard too break than bond up, no matter who you are then. Nobody can badmouth my mother too me for example, because i won't believe them. She is a very kind hearted person, i trust with my life and always have been close to. All human beings live with two overall fears in life. That's it. The first one is biological vulnability. Emotional and physical etc. All human beings must 24/7, all the time treat other human beings with empathy, love, care and respect their security feelings. If you subject other people too intentional fear emotionally or physically, you risk the consequences of the second overall fear. The second overall fear, is the fear of being cut out or estranged. Its just logical, that what you make other people feel, will make them act on those feelings. If you cross the red line and makes other people afraid or subject them too crimes/ seriously abuse and horrors, they will estrange you then for life. Just because you share the same blood, don't give you a free grencard too treat other people poorly.

[@summersled5635]

Sometimes adult children break contact because of the shame and guilt they carry for things they have done, not for what the parent has done.

[@Ddddddddd885]

Incorrect

[@Melancholygreen]

If you as the child feel shame to the point you have to disappear, think about why. Children should feel safe with their parents and be able to come to them with their shame ,lay it bare and get support. That’s a parents job. But what if your parent turns your vulnerable moments into jokes, tells your ‘stories’ to others for attention or entertainment value? What if instead of being heard and understood, then guided and supported through difficulty you were left feeling even more alone and raw? Then yes, absolutely stop taking your vulnerable self to people who treat you roughly. And if you have kids of your own you probably want to shield them from feeling the way you always did, so that’s even more reason. Shame should never keep kids away from healthy good parents. Too bad so many adult kids can not trust their parents anymore and have to hide parts, if not all of their lives from them.

[@SuperApostle1]

For example?

[@tmking7483]

Lol lol

[@Ilovepalmtrees-cx5ms]

You are WRONG!