WHY BLACK MEN Don't Want Marriage @HardlyInitiated

Welcome to Season 2 of The Single Season with Alison Wellington! Alison is the dating coach you've been dreaming of, even if you didn't know you needed her! She's on a mission to help as many women as possible navigate dating that leads to healthy marriage! In this episode, she's has the fellas from @HardlyInitiated in the studio to find out how men really feel about marriage in this modern day.

[@jadamchelle]

Being married for an extended period of time should not be a reason to expect to be cheated on. Two adults made a commitment so if xyz happens and the guy or woman wants to leave then so be it some things are non negotiables and most things can be worked through

[@AvrillHerbert]

I agree on the sex, the sex is what's causing the distraction from both partners from seeing the red flags and really getting to know the individuals. Keeping the sex off the table in the beginning of dating, you get to open your eyes on whether or not the person is actually the one for you or not. Your emotions are not involve and no one walks away with a broken heart. Great job guys.

[@moneylineparlay105]

Coffee date is a placeholder for any basic date that allows two people to see how they connect and vibe. It doesn't literally have to be coffee

[@Razzbme]

I am a woman and I agreed with much of what the men were saying. The example with the coffee date. What is wrong with getting to know someone at coffee? I never expected a man to spend $100's on me without knowing me. I think some women tend to overthink these things and assume the man is trying to be cheap. Expectations these days are crazy! Nobody wants an everyday nice genuine brother who makes under 75k, everything has to be over 100k. I watch other shows and I have seen soo many changes and craziness with the dating scene.

[@pinktomato6961]

Coffee dates are the best. 😊 agree everything you say

[@emg.9246]

You have low standards. When bm get low bw like you get lower. It’s sad and pathetic 🤣🤣🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

[@filmadcamp1512]

Most black women are not marrying men who make over $100,000 so I don't know where y'all are getting this from. Many black women are going 50-50 or are the breadwinners. So the least they can get is a date with something they like. The bar is already in Hades as it is.

[@dre22]

The host is full of herself. She already had preconceived views and was keen to get them out. How on earth can she advice women to reject coffee dates because she sees it as cheap when the whole point is about getting to know the person at a foundation level. Her energy is completely off and woe betides any woman who listens to her. She wasn’t digesting anything her guests were saying.

[@gapeach7814]

Yes this new generation is creating the problems in the dating scene by worrying about EVERYTHING except actually really wanting to get to know the person. They're looking for what they can get instead of the company. There's the problem.

[@JoiDior]

Coffee is the PERFECT first date. If your intentions are to get to know this person then why should he have to break the bank to do that.

[@filmadcamp1512]

It's only perfect if the person likes and drinks coffee or hot drinks.

[@kayannthegreat]

I've been to multiple coffee dates, from Starbucks to cute indie coffee shops. They all serve a variety of drinks, including cold stuff. I actually usually get orange juice and dessert.

[@therealtrinsetter]

Agreed!!!! And you have less distractions and interruptions. It’s an absolutely perfect first day. Even if you don’t drink coffee there are other things to drink and small snacks.

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@kayannthegreat Again there are only certain (very specific) things at a coffee shop.

[@kayannthegreat]

@@filmadcamp1512 And that's fine. Everywhere has specific things unless you want to go to a supermarket.

[@mizzmolly7649]

This proves my point, that many blk men expect BW to put up with years of infidelity or verbal, emotional, physical and financial abuse because decades ago, a woman didn't have the means to leave. BW are supposed to just deal with it. That's a very troubling mindset that most BW are not willing to exist in anymore.

[@blasiankiki7831]

They sound crazy! She said she will stay married unless he beats me or cheats…. Uh as she should! These men have lost it.

[@thadonjuan2339]

No black man expects that from any women.

[@mjohnson8206]

@mizzmolly you are correct nope we ain’t having it and if they think they gonna get a doormat they foolin themselves…on other podcasts they said they looking for younger women who they can mold….BM won’t get respect because they are known for cheating and putting non Blk women on pedestals. We have put up with too much and we not listening to lies….that’s why many are not having children and staying single

[@taahiramcgee]

Nobody said that. Also most guys aren't beating women or even cheating. I know plenty of men that never did either. You think everyone is doing the same things?

[@mizzmolly7649]

@@taahiramcgee This has nothing to do with your personal experience. This has to do with statistics. If I went by my personal experience then I would think that most blk men have degrees, earn six figures and are married and in the home, raising children with their blk wives. The stats show that 33%of BM have a felony on their record. More than 60% of blk girls are s3xually abused before they're 18. Who do you think is assaulting them? BW are deleted at the rate of 6 per day. A study by the Institute for Family Studies found that blk people have a higher rate of infidelity, compared to whytes and Hispanics, and that men have a much higher rate of infidelity than women. You tell me why more than 96% of whyte women who are raising children by BM are doing so alone, and that BW married to WM have the highest marriage success rate out of any other racial/ethnic combination?

[@4hercrownherglory384]

I do not know your name, but I love the pushbacks and clarity you were able to articulate during this interview. Btw, I also love Tyshawn and Ryan. Much needed conversation

[@karenwright8491]

He is right about getting to know the person not the atmosphere and food❤

[@disland8529]

The analogy of the last 1500 in a business partnership really didn’t draw an accurate comparison. A more accurate comparison would have been - would you stay in a business partnership if you found out your business partner was stealing from the business?

[@filmadcamp1512]

Or in bed with and selling secrets to a rival business.

[@sadesolarin]

This coffee thing is probably the reason why many people are single. The first date is just a hi hello, do I like how you look, how you smile and am I comfortable around you. You don't have to like coffee. You can drink water, soda, hot chocolate or milk if you must.

[@Yna-u3g]

The problem is they keep allowing social media to tell them what kinds of dates to go on instead of dating based on their communication prior to the date ...

[@emg.9246]

The problem is bw like yourselves have super low standards and will bust it open for a ni99@ for a plate of Chinese food and a blunt.

[@dre22]

The host typifies everything wrong with some women today. She wants to dictate the terms of dating and doesn’t care what men want.

[@dre22]

@@ellenburke3698 Women control access to sex, men control access to marriage. Men are getting access to sex but women are not getting access to marriage at the same rate. Men have always been willing to adapt but too many women think they should be taken as they come and men should bend to their requirements. End result is an oversupply of cat ladies consigned to perpetual singledom.

[@AnthonyShaw-ty9pi]

Exactly!!👍

[@briannasmith2687]

Great discussion.The young lady interviewing was not afraid to ask tough and thought provoking questions & the guys responded with valuable answers.

[@tembelihlechifamba1790]

Hmmmm it's funny we brought up the Proverbs 31 woman, we always skip past the fact that her husband acknowledged her work affirmed her her children call her blessed so does her husband. So when men say we don't care about your accomplishments are you not belittling her will you be able to acknowledge her in marriage

[@vernetta111]

People always use the bible to their own advantage and take things out of context smh and it's mostly men who do this

[@hipsterboiwavy2723]

Stop, a women being the CEO of Tesla before you meet her, isn’t the same thing as seeing your wife work her way up to CEO of Tesla while In The marriage are to different things.

[@tembelihlechifamba1790]

@@hipsterboiwavy2723 what exactly is your point?

[@e.r.4447]

I am a black woman and I am 100% with Ryan's idea of first dates : a coffee or a walk for several reasons. I can't lose time in a walk because I like my daily 10 000 steps. Second, men prefer a woman who is a saver than a spender, and a low cost date sends that message. To look for a man who is a provider is also to work to lower the financial pressure on him. Moreover, in a walk, there is less noise, less people. So the atmosphere is opened for deep and sincere conversations, and to assess emotional compatibility. It also makes it casual and lower the pressure on both sides and allow vulnerability to have a room. When we don't do that, we end up with insecure people or emotionally unavailable partners, which is the first hidden root cause of breakups and divorces. All dating coaches who are men say a man who gives you his time values you. Going for a walk is valuing a woman. Having a coffee is valuing a woman. A coffee is also great because it diminishes distractions: we are here to talk, to get to know each other, not to eat which brings more distractions (is this meal good? And people coming to ask if everything is ok). A woman who goes on a date that is low cost is also sending this message: I am not here for your money, or what you do. I am here for you, who you are and where you are going. In all my dates, I've always bet on my money and because coffees or restaurants are not where I express my values, even when I am invited, no man has never spent more than 10 dollars on dates. I'd rather have a man who spends more money on things that last, than a restaurant.

[@Risha-Rene]

This is my first time being introduced to any of these people. I didn’t know what to expect, but I enjoyed this conversation. I’m fine with a cheap first date, I’d just rather go on a walk in the park or have a picnic than go to a coffee shop.

[@coutureleotards]

Its nice to see you both on the other side of the mic! The biggest hang up in the community as a whole is lack of communication, picking the wrong partner and constantly being focused on what other cultures are gaining while this culture is loosing out. Politics has become a polarized wall in conversation, understanding position in the modern world. Divorce is just a symptom to bigger issues! BTW she came with fire cause her first question out the door was, " why are women being blamed for simply filling paperwork " 😂. Great conversation ❤ She need to bring this fire to the HI family 👀💓💓

[@jimmiejones6192]

They are not being blamed, they are the reason. They get bored and jump ship.

[@zarario4444]

​@@jimmiejones6192 I see why you will remain single. 😂

[@bombyo3634]

Ima just keep being myself. No big dates until we talked on the phone for hr or more before we even realize we should see each other. We got to vet people before we meet up. 1st date is non expensive way to get to know if we match in person not just on the phone. If she doesn't like me then good. Thats what 1st dates are for. It always works. Be yourself and dont try harder to be more.

[@jm2447]

What about not cheating as an option so that the women don't have to exercise or act on their non negotiables? Just a thought, I enjoyed this conversation 😊

[@bjones2022]

This. I'm so tired of hearing men/women treating breaking the covenant so lightly then leaving it to the other party to be the one to "fight for the marriage." This is a grown child mentality...😮

[@Iwantallmymoney2024]

That’s too much logic for the grown babies!! 😂😂😂😂

[@illrizzocgg1009]

How many of the 80% divorce filed by woman are because of infidelity? Woman cheat just as much of men so you can stop that nonsense.

[@marcasino3117]

This is projection. Women cheat more than men, and infidelity is usually not the reason they file. Women divorce women at a much higher rate than they divorce men.

[@moee_thyself]

Because the chances of us cheating are just as high as them cheating so it cancels itself out. It’s a bridge you cross IF you get there. It’s not something you ruin things for in anticipation

[@Xy2tone]

As someone who has dated a lot of women . One thing I have learned is that if you find a woman that truly loves you and is into you , you will not ever have to worry about her leaving .

[@malimal4972]

unless that love dissipates which can happen. Familiarity breeds contempt.

[@nonathomas2109]

​@@malimal4972Love is a verb not a noun. It requires actions

[@alwaysaccurate8725]

She hit it on the nose 👃🏾 men are not vetting enough before the date. I hate the smell of coffee shops so I would have to redirect. Also 1st dates dont have to be food related or just one destination

[@treywhite9611]

If you try to dictate and redirect, most men will automatically disqualify you for commitment. While continuing to pursue you for fun and secks

[@alwaysaccurate8725]

@@treywhite9611 I have never been asked on a coffee date- they are interested in where I want to go. So the fact that men are not asking about a woman preference is a red flag in itself. A man who vetted me well would already know my destain for coffee and other dislikes through conversation.

[@DarionZeigler-Wheeler]

​@@alwaysaccurate8725then y can't u speak up about it instead of making him b a mind reader

[@RooseveltAliWashingtonX]

​@@alwaysaccurate8725--- it's disdain.

[@cyes1156]

​@@alwaysaccurate8725 "They are interested".....Are you with any of them?

[@Jen_ell]

10:10 - this is key. He said what many people think. “Riding with you regardless” can be troublesome depending on the circumstances. People have to determine what their threshold is for that.

[@Heyu7her3]

Yep. Romance & marriage are not supposed to be unconditional.

[@yvonneh.2696]

There isn't always "work" to put in. If two people like each other they do, if they don't they don't. Men who take offense to accretive communication from women are often men who are less accretive communicators than they dream of being, less confident, and passive aggressive. Those men often offend themselves and often live in denial about it.

[@elfowlkes]

Black men don't want marriage until they need marriage-older and needing a nurse.

[@TheChadShow9]

Whats wrong with that?

[@ciladapoeto.5327]

Facts

[@blasiankiki7831]

@@TheChadShow9it’s extremely selfish… no one wants you when you’re deteriorating

[@illrizzocgg1009]

Check the stats and facts before regurgitating nonsense. BM marriage rates are higher then BW

[@jajajaja2624]

This explain it all

[@raheamfrazier6322]

Yo, the fellas held it down in this interview. Salute. 🫡

[@datingdiaries1681]

Great point Alison ! Noone talks to why these women are filing !

[@sherwoodwalker573]

Actually they do. I hear women talked about it all the time. It’s starts with He didn’t. But I never hear what they did wrong. I heard a therapist explain it best when she researched the high lesbian divorce rate. Women want things a certain way and no one can deliver.

[@Heyu7her3]

​@@sherwoodwalker573 that just means they more readily agreed to going thru the divorce vs prolonging it

[@sherwoodwalker573]

@@Heyu7her3 Yes but let’s agree not everyone had a legitimate reason. Man or woman. If you think every woman’s reasons are legit I got some land in Zamunda I would love to get you for free.

[@ParkerLNichole]

Men say this is my only marriage and I’m committed to staying yet they’re more likely not willing to do the work it takes to have a great, healthy marriage. More women want to grow and men want the marriage to stay the same for 20 years.

[@dre22]

If you want to grow stay single. Marriage is about family, sacrifice and duty. 100years ago, your grandparents understood this.

[@stephanieb5566]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@dre22100 years ago financial institutions could legally refuse loans to unmarried women and oftentimes required them to have a male cosigner. 100 years ago women couldn’t apply for their own credit card or open a bank account without a man by their side. So the success of our grandparents’ relationships truly is the fact that women needed to rely on men more for survival. Societal expectations as well. The relationships our grandparents’ had isn’t something to idolize

[@shaymalchione809]

@@colleenr3358yes people grow & have to work hard to not grow apart.

[@dre22]

@@colleenr3358 Men and women grow differently. You can’t expect to grow at the same rate as your man especially if he’s the main provider. A man at 50 is different from a woman at 50 will have a higher standing in the dating place. Come to acceptance of this reality. Men age like fine wine, women age like milk.

[@dre22]

@@stephanieb5566 Yet you still want a man who earns more than you and to provide for you. Women are still seeking to rely on men for provisioning in relationships despite their economic freedom. Women have always worked.

[@Tru_Lyfe_Skyi]

Ladies just go on the coffee date. Try not to give too much lip and smile.. Just let the men have that for the first date if thats what he wants.. If he tries that on the second date then say something then.. Let him lead you and be a man first.. If you dont like the direction he is taking you talk to him after the date and express your concerns then.

[@filmadcamp1512]

You go.

[@cyes1156]

Bottom line is a man has to feel like you like him, respect him, have chemistry with you, and you enjoy his company before he takes you anywhere special.....And that's the ladies job to solidify that and demonstrate that to him This is why the dating market is so screwed up .... NEVER in human history have we had this many single women and men on the dating market......Dating is supposed to be reserved for your wife or girlfriend not some random woman

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@cyes1156 The lady does not have any jobs in dating. She doesn't need to solidify shit to anyone she doesn't know. It's a man's job to pursue and to solidify HIS PLACE in a woman's life. Men have always had to prove their ability to provide and protect and to lead. THIS is why the dating market is screwed. Because now men want to be pursued and want to do the bare minimum. And they are upset that the women they actually want are not chasing them as much as women used to do back in the day. You can reserve dating for your wife and girlfriend. Good luck in getting a girl to be your girlfriend without trying to court her though.🙃🙃

[@cyes1156]

@@filmadcamp1512 Women control access to sex.....Men control access to commitment, relationships and marriage....... Especially the type of men YOU want ......Once a man is established and successful without YOU, we pick who the hell we want from the dating market....The only power you have in the dating phase is hookups .....Men of value control all the rest

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@cyes1156 "Women control access to sex and men control access to commitment, relationships and marriage". The above is something y'all so as to NOT be accountable for ANYTHING regarding your self control - especially bringing children into the world. To suggest that women control access to sex is to negate the high level of women being raped, and girls/teenagers being molested and sexually assaulted by grown men. Saying men control access to commitment and marriage is to make yourselves feel important. Sir if you can't get a woman to want to stay in a marriage with you, then you are a FAILURE. What you need to control access to is your p*nis and stop trying to sling it all over. And here's the kicker - most of y'all are NOT established and successful. Many of y'all need women (wives) to help y'all with that. So that's a moot point. And the ones who are successful - get married and the women still leave and take their alimony and child support and move on to the next when they grow tired of being cheated on and mistreated.

[@annsmith7624]

I feel that Ty and Ryan did absolutely great with this interview. They did not judge any of the questions that they were asked and they asked them with professionalism. I will always be a fan of their Channel. HI is a five star podcast💪🏽🙌🏽❤️

[@filmadcamp1512]

I like Hardly Initiated but they definitely tip toed, hemmed and hawed around every question they were asked and every response they gave.

[@OneSweetDay489]

​@filmadcamp1512 It seems like they were being more coy because the interviewer seemed ready to pounce. Everything they had to say she had a rebuttal.. if you notice on their podcast whether they agree/disagree with their guest they still allow them to flow and express themselves without inserting their personal objections.

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@OneSweetDay489 Yes she had to have a rebuttal because a lot of what they were saying was not accurate. She actually took it very easy on them. Actually on their podcast they will ask a question and when their guests answer, if they disagree with the guest, they will ask the question a different way to get the answer they want. The fact that Tysean still feels like women are giving up on marriages easily and that's where the issue is, despite having multiple male and female guests give him information to the contrary, spoke volumes. It means he is still stuck in what he thinks and feels, and is not fully listening to counsel.

[@dre22]

They were not equipped to handle this conversation. Too young and lack life experience. They couldn’t even counter her simple point about divorce and why women file. The answer is in the top 3 reasons why divorce happens- Finance, difference in sexual libido, infidelity. Then you go from there

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@dre22 You don't know what you're talking about. What percentage of divorces are being filed for "Difference in Sexual Libido". Finances is definitely at the top and Infidelity but those things are often compounded by other things like not helping out around the house, nitpicking, emotional abuse, depression, etc.

[@instrinsiclove]

I listen to Hardly Initiated and have witnessed all of the growth from both Tysean & Ryan…and this conversation really tested every bit of their growth😂🙌🏾 her rebuttals are very much what the girls are giving today, and always with extra explanations.

[@bigtank6465]

I've never seen these 2 Brothas before, but I see why women can digest what they're saying. They are nonaggressive & politically correct.

[@kenyaparmes1544]

Ok…that last bit of abstinence advice from Ryan was spot on!! THAT I absolutely agree with!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@greymattermelanin876]

It’s interesting that these guys don’t want women to set a boundary when stating they will leave if cheated on but men can set the expectation that they could possibly cheat but don’t want their women to leave because that’s not loyal…Some dudes just shouldn’t get married. I do agree that single people should not lead with their jobs/careers when dating and I also agree with the idea that the west does not prioritize families.

[@syrus8431]

You misunderstood him. He said that boundaries and standards are fine and expected but it's the mindset of being partially committed and having one foot out the door while entering into a lifelong marriage if things get rocky that is the wrong mindset. Also, this notion that only men cheat in marriages needs to cease.

[@Yna-u3g]

​@@syrus8431She didn't misunderstand...both interpretations are valid, but I read a bit further into it..He didn't like the fact that women can exercise her RIGHT to even have divorce as an option!

[@dre22]

⁠​⁠@@Yna-u3g​​⁠The number 1 reason for divorce is finances and 90% of alimony is paid from men to women. Most women know this and leverage it. This is one of the major reasons why men are walking away from marriage. Financially it makes no sense and most marriages end in divorce one way or the other.

[@hipsterboiwavy2723]

@@Yna-u3g​​⁠​⁠your answer shows you didn’t look further into nothing, bt it’s okay all opinions are welcomed.

[@Yna-u3g]

@@hipsterboiwavy2723 Your response shows you completely lack comprehension...

[@melaniecebardleymcknight3965]

Instruction and direction are for children

[@Joshua-eo5hr]

Correct you just told on yourselves

[@zarario4444]

​@@Joshua-eo5hr Troll alert.

[@cfacia6045]

I love Ryan response to the coffee ☕️ date.

[@daynelcollins5208]

Divorce is even an option in the Bible for infidelity and abuse. Agree on the dating piece from the guest perspective.

[@Simply_JustKim]

One man kept referring to “women taking instruction.” In a partnership you women don’t take instruction, partnerships are collaboration and sharing. A man providing instruction is as though he’s the teacher and the woman is a student is in some ways he’s dominant and the woman is the subordinate. Word choice is everything.

[@doingitover40]

Agreed, you should definitely not go into a marriage already thinking about divorce, you should be all in, which means you took vows to remain faithful & loving so no abuse, no cheating, no side chicks etc. Probably if this were the case & people were actually all in there wouldn’t be as many divorces

[@malimal4972]

men and women cheat at almost same rates in marriages but women initiate divorce at a much much higher rate . Additionally out of all the divorces amongst same sex marriages , 75% are the dovorces are same sex woman marriages and only 25% are same sex men. What's reason for that being so one sided towards women divorcing 3x more than men ?

[@mysterystorytress]

Getting married and having children is not a priority! Having a man is not a priority!

[@marcasino3117]

Dying alone is

[@hubbardbrowniii4450]

😂

[@Jazzyk86]

You’re right those things aren’t UNLESS those are things you desire to have.

[@misterhollands4455]

When you choose the person you want to be with or marry, both parties are settling, so settling is not a bad thing. That's what you are suppose to do with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, settle.

[@zarario4444]

You would not settle with a woman you are not attracted to.

[@IamAngelaHodges]

I don't drink coffee, thank God. I wouldn't deal with a man who couldn't even take me out for a nice dinner date.

[@Reignsupreme76]

I like when women like you show your hand early.

[@IamAngelaHodges]

@@Reignsupreme76 show my hand? I'm not begging nobody to treat me like a lady. The type of man who has a problem feeding me isn't the type of man for me. I don't entertain stingy people.

[@sonjadf47]

There is no such thing as too much money in a black household.

[@mariejane1567]

exactly

[@sugarwaterpurple5280]

So basically they don't want women to be able to leave even if they misbehave. They are complaining about mindset, but they are starting with the mindset "things happen". Absolutely not. They are delusional.

[@mariejane1567]

It is about the dollar commitment. If guys are haggling over 50-100 dollars then can you honestly be a provider? When you apply for a job would you take the offer of minimum wage from the employer to start or would you expect to get market reference value?

[@andrewwebster7185]

And this is why y’all thots will stay single… you women are not entitled to a man’s money.

[@Loveispatient76]

The title is missing one thing “and why WOMEN WITH ANY SUBSTANCE SHOULDN’T CARE”. 😂 Coffee is A poor man (both spiritually and mentally) way of saying I really want to extract value and worth and everything you own without having to do much . Nothing wrong with coffee when y’all are married with children having a nice Saturday to yourselves , no kids and enjoying running errands together. NOT! In the beginning when he’s trying to PROVE TO YOU , he can provide and lovingly lead you and a family. No. A wise woman understands there are levels to building a relationship. Have no issue with coffee, love it.. however you won’t be taking me for coffee, one cause I might not want that! Which means you should ask what I want. That’s what a gentleman does and I can say “well I kinda have a taste for this, what about you, what do you have a taste for”? Again coffee in and of itself, isn’t the issue, it’s all these hidden agendas men have hidden behind certain things and they know it, women just don’t. Low effort = little commitment ladies… Use your God given discernment , it will forever disarm his manipulative schemes and tactics (the ones he knows he’s running or is unknowingly running because of his immaturity and lack of manhood). Either way it goes a man was created to provide and lead (lovingly spiritually and sacrificially. He’s called to lay his life down for you and children NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUNd). We are currently seeing the man have a temper tantrum because he doesn’t want the responsibility assigned to him, so he’s looking to relax in your role. Ladies stay put in your role and if he won’t step up into his, remove him… They are so bitter at us 😅.

[@antmyrick2063]

You know coffee is a general term. It doesn't have to be "coffee". And what role are women staying in?? It's clear both sides are confused about roles.

[@Yna-u3g]

No lies told here!😂

[@Reignsupreme76]

If a woman really likes you, that woman will go anywhere with you. Why? Because it’s not about eating at some expensive restaurant. It’s all about getting to know you. When COVID was really bad, my first date with a young lady was a walk in the park. That was one of the best dates I ever been on.

[@chrisharris2367]

If a man really likes you you should be able to plain Jane it Unfortunately we can’t do that as women on a first date For a grown person 35 and up a date should be at a decent restaurant if one is serious about marriage If you are a recent college grad or under 30 coffee is ok but if you are a professional investing in finding a wife it’s an investment

[@Reignsupreme76]

@chrisharris2367 I would rather have a woman plain Jane it on the first date. The plain Jane look is the true representation of how she will look in everyday life. I want to get to know the real person, not some overly glamorized person. Far as the coffee date, most grown folks drink coffee. Some drink it every day. You stand a better chance with an older person enjoying a nice cup of coffee versus a younger person. Let's keep it real. It's not about the coffee. It's about a man spending a good bit of his hard earned money on you for the first date. You could care less about getting to know the man. In fact, a lot of trifling women go on dates with no intentions of wanting to get to know the man. Broke ass women are just using brothers for a free meal. I believe in giving to the needy, not the greedy.

[@Heyu7her3]

​@@Reignsupreme76 🤔 Sooooo... a woman accepting crumbs demonstrates how she'll be in a relationship... but nothing about the man offering said crumbs? 🥴 Okay.

[@Heyu7her3]

​@@Reignsupreme76 How in one moment, you mention women over-glamorizing, but then say they're too broke to pay for a meal? 🤨 Classic projection. In fact... every day, broke azzz men are trying to use women for a free house.

[@hair399]

As a female of a particular age in the dating game, I agree with Ryan's perspective on the first date. This whole premise of the fancy restaurant first date is ridiculous. The purpose is to determine if you are interested in person not on the phone, online etc...Why would I want to spend 2 hrs+ on a first date with someone I'm not really interested in?

[@Heyu7her3]

A phone or video call can suss out basic accountability, & a lunch or dinner can absolutely be done within an hour. This is accepting no effort.

[@kristalturner6428]

They INDIRECTLY answered the main questions we all wanted them to take accountability for.

[@blasiankiki7831]

I’ll stay married as long as he doesn’t hit me or cheat…Um thats completely logical… Why is he saying that like it’s wrong… are they crazy?

[@dalagamble3164]

Yes they are.

[@ileniepowell]

What a fantastic conversation by these three fine young people ❤❤

[@hahadarrie]

THAT PART!!! Men don’t do paperwork!!! My partner and I get into it and it’s over PAPERWORK!!!

[@ericnewman6523]

Lies

[@dre22]

Quality men do paperwork.

[@bombyo3634]

😂😂 Paperwork at the doctor office, for a new job, for taxes, for a car, for a bank account. How in the world does men dont do paperwork make any sense? Most of our jobs involve daily paper work and signatures. This makes no sense.

[@dre22]

@@bombyo3634 It’s the useless paperwork that women come up with like shopping lists, vacation destinations, buy now pay later forms etc.

[@Heyu7her3]

​@@bombyo3634 BECAUSE IT'S WOMEN DOING IT FOR YOU

[@themoonbleu627]

They are select few most are know are married and desire it . The downlow ones don’t want marriage .

[@Wall0fCatz]

Seems like a lot of people are finding reasons to be cheap on dates!!! Don’t allow it ladies. I don’t!

[@dre22]

And you will be consigned to perpetual singledom.

[@joshuacooperseo]

Just ungrateful 😂

[@ewonation1]

At least she was actively listening💯

[@melaniecebardleymcknight3965]

Which of these men are married or have been married?

[@HuhHaaHYAAAT]

Does that matter because she isn't and is giving out dating advice

[@patricerenee1717]

None of them are engaged or have been married.

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@HuhHaaHYAAAT She clearly stated that she was married. Don't you feel silly.

[@kenyaparmes1544]

YES! YES! Sis, is doing some real interviewing! Ty and Ryan talking out the side of the neck on this one. Thank you for “pushing back” on some of the bs. What I’m hearing is men are loyal and shame on women for being abandoned or cheated on or abused for actually filing although we already know most men simply don’t file. Ryan, what are you even talking about??? Bruh. Women don’t receive direction…lol…women aren’t pets…we are people. Like, I’m truly insulted. I pray they truly hear her perspective too. I heard them LOUD and CLEAR. And I do agree with coffee dates…but a lot of the other rhetoric was off-putting.

[@buway1]

Women never listen. YOU are not listening.Thats why u are all lonely with your cats.

[@kennynorris8636]

Sister do you agree that women are more about feelings than logic? If so, you know who else is more about feeling than logic? A child. Think about that before you go into your feelings and throw a tantrum.

[@charlesdavis2704]

I so glad these dudes kept it so real. I have so much respect for them for this. This young lady and her clients should stay single.

[@filmadcamp1512]

This young lady is the only one of the three of them who is MARRIED.

[@justinwebb01]

@@filmadcamp1512 Saying a man is unmarried isn’t the flex you think it is. Marriage can be a burden for men because of the responsibility attached. We used to get married to have sex, but now women give it away freely. Nowadays we only need marriage if we want to extend our legacy with children - and women will give up their wombs freely, too! Women are the ones who pine for commitment. They’re the ones seeking protection and provision. Men who have options generally prefer to be single and play the field until they find a wife.

[@Underratedcommentator]

@@filmadcamp1512based on her attitude, I’d be surprised if she STAYS married.

[@aeerjordan4994]

​@@filmadcamp1512and her husband is in trouble..

[@aeerjordan4994]

We are at the End of the Age!. The Love for God is being replaced for The love for"Things" and Lust!

[@chanellsmith3204]

Men don't want to get married because they are getting the "treasure" without being held to a higher standard 🤔. Don't want the responsibility that comes with being a faithful husband, maybe father and provider. It's an excuse 🤔

[@antmyrick2063]

Is that your experience??

[@tracksmanbeats1467]

What is that treasure you are referring to?

[@maiamiimaiam4343]

They asking what are the treasures, lol. Dumb women playing their roles without commitment what else while these men don’t even share their food with you

[@HuhHaaHYAAAT]

No one is a treasure you grow together

[@dre22]

Men are not getting married because most women don’t qualify

[@BlakJakk]

Brothers want women when they are young, marriage is for women in their early 20s with no kids

[@Elydalvaneves]

This was an amazing interview 👏🏿 🙌🏿

[@Summitofsol]

The coffee date conversation cracks me up… if we don’t flow enough that I don’t mind.. we just not jamming

[@keesee4141]

They came on here PREACHING!!! I’m a proud initiate. This was such loving, constructive criticism.

[@Xy2tone]

This lady literally proved their point on why we run away from marriage.

[@ptemptress03]

Doing more than just getting money. That was what I took from this. I tend to be one of those women who gets wrapped up in work.

[@jayJ9553]

I stumbled into this channel, good perspective! From my experience, Men spend years and endless hours developing themselves to even get a coffee date. I recognized girls don't realize this but Woman do which affects the emd results. Keep up the good work I subscribed.

[@Heyu7her3]

You must not have experienced much. Men have been terrible at positive self-development... that's why they're in crises.

[@ParkerLNichole]

Great questions & I appreciated the responses from Ty and Ryan great points made.

[@donnadavidson5027]

I like the men's comments on leadership needed.

[@zarario4444]

Leadership is earned not given!

[@walterfoster1167]

Physique is apart of attraction as well. She’s right about getting to know the person first but you need to know what you’re signing up for and testing the chemistry is important too.

[@shantelwhite8781]

He said beauty doesn’t matter,and then turned around within the same sentence, and said beauty is number one, man really can’t tell the truth

[@MrMannface]

Brother made a comment about being over 50. Not caring how a woman looked, he's out of his mind.

[@ftworthgent]

Difference between dating and courting...I prefer courting a woman as a man....

[@rodneyyapi5014]

They have done studies comparing gay divorce rates versus lesbian divorce rates. Something to look into.

[@genovasquez8361]

Alot of men dont want marriage ever, they feel pressured to marry her. But most men who dont fear losing a woman, because he knows another one is coming right away, He doesnt cave to ultimatums or fear of loss. MOST of us brothas dont want wives. We want women for the flesh only.

[@Yna-u3g]

We know that, but you have dudes trying to convince women otherwise, for whatever reason...

[@vernetta111]

Yes speak the truth

[@genovasquez8361]

@@Yna-u3g those men are either lying to avoid you asking him Or They hobosexuals and need housing and three hots and cot.

[@clayair19]

You are a gift from Heaven. Every single thing you said is so spot on

[@emac1286]

Yall have to remember these two males have very little interest in marriage and PARTNERSHIP. Personally, if a man doesn't know if he wants marriage by 30 (These men are 30 and 35) just forget it! They are giving advice based on being serial daters and using women for sex. They both have spoken about NOT dating intentionally; however, they MIGHT be changing now? I'm not sure if their "growth" is genuine just yet....just to provide context to some of you. Edit: they haven’t changed or evolved one bit in their ideals….it seemed like the even doubled down on the “malleable” comment they went viral for on the other interview on this channel. They still don’t understand why it was a problematic thing to say, and blamed it on single parent homes as to why people think it was a problem 🥴

[@4hercrownherglory384]

I love the idea of talking on the phone for a while as well

[@stephenleigh4571]

The interviewer was hostile with Ryan... they ended up low key very pointed with each other. I'm glad to see the confidence and openness in each of them. Great panel discussion.

[@hassaemaria3175]

Yes!! She was way too aggressive! She wasn’t even really listening.

[@dre22]

@@hassaemaria3175She already had her preconceived views and just wanted to get them out. Her energy was completely off and she’s a low key feminist.

[@deepcover8184]

She completely contradicted her argument... I don't like the stat most women file for divorce, being the reason for the divorce. Next breath.... men don't file paperwork and would stay married forever.

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@deepcover8184 Because it's a proven fact that men don't file paper work - for most things. School paper work, doctor paper work, divorce paper work. And they are using their laziness and non-action and trying to claim they are committed to their marriage. Even though they're not actively working on their marriage. They are cheating, staying out late and hanging out with friends, drinking and doing drugs, refusing to go to therapy, not helping out around the house, wasting the woman's money and a plethora of other things but complaining about how women are nagging them and they don't need marriage. Then when the woman files - they're like "Women don't value marriage". 🙄😒

[@sugarwaterpurple5280]

​@@deepcover8184 Not a contradiction at all. Men will stay married typically because they don't want to go through a divorce - not because they want to work on the marriage. In fact women seek out marriage counseling more than men. And when that doesn't work or the man is unwilling to do it, women take the initiative to end it.

[@jaysmithfittv]

If a woman redirects a date, I’m cancelling and finding a more down to earth woman…I’ve taken women on trips after we been on dates…….Yes we want to see chemistry IN PERSON…And see there shape before we invest cuz there’s a lot of FILTERS…And Photoshop and catfishing going on…………I have no problem paying for dates. But I want to make sure that we vibe first and it’s not just the environment that she’s vibing with.

[@jaysmithfittv]

THEIR shape.*

[@Iamcherese]

Thank you Mrs. Alison‼️👏🏾🤌🏾🗣️🤎🔥

[@Ctmaks1]

The mindset is (in my opinion) a ptsd of historical treatment of the women in relationships. when women had no say in what happens to them during adverse treatments & had no choice but to stay and stick it out regardless of their wellbeing.. men (in my opinion) may still be operating with the notion that a woman should be there no matter what - even if I cheat don’t provide not supportive emotionally financially etc etc and the no matter what’s now have changed/ evolved since women now have a say in what they are willing to accept or put up with.

[@latanyam7308]

Great perspectives from the men

[@sfreeman417]

Love to watch Tysean's and Ryan's growth. Applause 👏🏾 (HI member)

[@brookealicia92]

So a woman must show submission and allow a man to lead without knowing him but a man won’t spent money on a woman he doesn’t know yet. 🤔

[@Trueknowledgeforever]

For the successful man, we dont care if the women make $0 a year. Men love saving women. A woman who's career dreams are a higher priority than there man can be problematic. If they would listen to their boss more than their man, it will not work.

[@DaddyWarBucks]

Beautiful conversation

[@JJ-jn7ei]

Starbucks girl over here! Theres just so many choices 😅😅

[@maxximusstyles]

They do sell tea at most coffee shops, don't they?

[@Reignsupreme76]

Exactly! I laugh when women say they don’t drink coffee. I’m sure you drink water. Lol

[@redtrocq1001]

If women started to match energy versus file for divorce, the statistic would be irrelevant. The conversation would then center around how "trifling" it is for a wife that is prioritizing her marriage and not pleased with her mate who lacks biblical headship, does not value her, disrespects their marriage, causes trauma to their household especially when children are present, etc. chooses to stay while opting to engage someone who does all the things her husband chooses not to do.

[@SC-sn3xs]

Exactly! And that’s the issue, when it comes to the conversation surrounding men’s infidelity in marriage, it is minimized as “we’ll most men cheat, it’s gonna happen” women are required to give men grace in these circumstances because of “the nature of a man” but I don’t hear the same argument being applied to men when women cheat. The majority want repeated forgiveness for an offense they would not tolerate if directed to them. All I hear is excuses from men to escape accountability. Men want the benefits of marriage with responsibility of a single man. If women collectively decide to escape all responsibility in a household, and services in marriage coupled with occasional infidelity to men they’d be looking for a replacement expeditiously! They’d be the ones filing for divorce in droves!

[@user-cg5vn6ik1w]

The fact that men will stay in an unhealthy, toxic relationship that they created does not deserve a ribbon. A woman doesn't leave "just because". It's usually after the partner has completely worn her out with the same issues. It's disrespectful to feel a woman shouldn't set her expectations in the beginning. This has nothing to do with money or sex for most women. We simply want to know "you got us". Infidelity and lies compromise this security and causes a women to go straight to protective mode and back to the non-negotiables we told you we had in the beginning; that our love for that man caused us to compromise our standard. We are compromisers by nature. Be realistic men will abuse a woman's Grace card for them. I'm just saying.

[@judithsakala4944]

Nice mindful conversation. Folks. Always grateful 😊

[@krystaltaylor8634]

That 70-80% of women filing does need exploring. And I'm glad she did a bit here. Great conversation.... Overall.

[@filmadcamp1512]

It doesn't. She explained it well. Women are the ones filing but that doesn't mean that they are the ones who caused the marriage to fall apart. Like she said... they are the ones who mostly do the paperwork in marriage. Men can have an outside woman (or women) and society gives him a pass. Women can't have outside men while married, even if they are separated, she gets dragged. So if a woman wants to explore another relationship (or just wants to be by herself at peace) because her marriage isn't working, then she has to be the one to file.

[@amareu3133]

Women are the ones who file because for most it's a come up. Men dont file because men have more to lose. Men lose access to their kids. Men pay alimony and child support. Women receive all of those things, hence they are more likely to file.

[@dalagamble3164]

@@filmadcamp1512they are not just filing because they want to explore outside relationships. This is a lie from the pits of hell. They filing for infidelity and lack of commitment which is the reason for most of the divorces. Like how the woman is the reason for a family falling apart if she the one getting cheated on???

[@krystaltaylor8634]

@@filmadcamp1512 I understand all of that..I'm glad she delved into it because, in many circles, the stat is being thrown around without context. There is a reason that stat exist. I've done the research and it is even more to it than what she mentioned but she raised some important facts. I feel that overall women get the short end of the stick in many marriages and the incentive to divorce is not there for many men. It just becomes easier for him to emotionally disconnect from the marriage and keep it status quo. For many women, that becomes too emotionally draining to bear.

[@willgates5647]

How could all of them be filing for infidelity when it only occurs about 27% of the time.

[@jamuq3589]

😢 This was excellent!!!!

[@datingdiaries1681]

I love these guys. The only male podcasters that make sense .

[@ohkingjonny]

Please don’t say only cause there are alot of good male podcasts

[@datingdiaries1681]

@@ohkingjonny I said what I said.

[@InTheirClosetPodcast]

Well said! 💯 A coffee date can be the catalyst to another event or a prolonged conversation and I’m all about the coffee vibe. I think anyone worried about the drink is missing the point. And if a guy is dating multiple women and takes me to a coffee date that could also be apart of the conversation because I’m probably dating multiple men. I’m a magnet to a Boss.

[@vernetta111]

I dont care if a man takes me to coffee for a 1st date i actually like a walk or an activity so i can see how they interact with me and others around us its not about the coffee its about getting to know the person and the intention and the consistency after that

[@emg.9246]

Your standards are low asf

[@darleneoxendine6885]

Awesome interview!

[@Christian900]

14:00 minutes What I received from Alison stating the coffee date situation is Is not about a woman wanting him to spend more money on a first date or dollar amount but more like she wants to have a better time w/ him in a first date and that a coffee date could be a bit boring, If She redirects from a coffee date, she may like you more than you expected, she wants to do something better That’s cool to me

[@lelo46]

As a woman, this is 100% agreeable. I would much rather go to an Arcade, play basketball, bowling, something like that. Where we could laugh, flirt etc. BUT if it’s the first date, coffee isn’t TERRIBLE. The follow up date HAS to be more though.

[@filmadcamp1512]

Ryan's position is... I should be able to take you wherever I want to take you, you should just like it because I'm a man. He basically said it's not about enjoying the coffee but about enjoying him. So he doesn't care if she enjoys the date.

[@Christian900]

@@filmadcamp1512 i agree with that to It can go either way

[@ronaldtetteh6605]

he's simply saying first dates are to determine whether or not we would like explore further after assessing each other, the focus is meant to be on the person and not the place, he is there to enjoy you as you are there to enjoy him. Now if there's genuine mutual interest after that then the window to all of the fancy stuff and nice experiences are open from there on @@filmadcamp1512

[@filmadcamp1512]

@@Christian900 You agree with Ryan's position about not caring.

[@misterhollands4455]

When money means more than the person that's compatible for you, then women miss out. I'd rather be in a relationship where we only make $90K collectively with a woman that's compatible with me, then with a woman in which we make $200k collectively and it's always contentious. As you get older, you find that the relationship part means way more then the money. You can only purchase so many gucci bags and cars and houses because that starts to get old. When you are with a person that you can making lasting memories with, no amount of money can buy that. If money was so important then celebrities and rich people would not be getting divorces.

[@regrich8795]

Every woman I've met who claim they have this or that don't cook and not interested in a good hardworking brother. We don't want them either go get done in and be a statistic.

[@Heyu7her3]

​@@regrich8795 Define "hardworking" 'cause women are lapping y'all & are sick of being expected to do stuff that men are equally capable of doing.

[@marywarren9264]

There's not a me on a team. And no one should be that's selfish. And say I'm going to take you on a coffee date.. Because you will be going by yourself 💕.

[@lisasykes624]

Most therapists say the woman will want to work it out,... come on guys....😐🛑

[@mysterystorytress]

How are you neglecting yourself if you don’t want a relationship.

[@Peace2dagawdz]

You’re neglecting your purpose here on this earth

[@Yna-u3g]

You're not...

[@nikkij3631]

Ladies stop saying NO coffee dates. As a woman, I have met some amazing men from coffee dates. Being from NYC, these dates were everything. Great conversation, getting to know each other and laughter and then if it went well, he would take me out later that evening to a fancier place. We both went into it with no expectations. He’s a doctor and we’re now married. Ladies, just enjoy the company and get to know one another. Too many expectations on the first date. No one is obligated to take us anywhere and if it goes further great, if not, no love or money lost.

[@dalagamble3164]

Technically women do not have to put up with your $hit. Yall should ask yourself why do you think it’s ok to drag women through stuff??? The main cause for divorce is infidelity and lack of commitment. If you are so worried about divorce why not just teach people that when you cheat or you are lacking commitment this can cause divorce. People so worried blaming the fact but not willing to work on themselves to understand what leads to the fact. The I don’t want to marry in this age is demonic because it’s pushed as if women are filing for divorce for nothing and men simply don’t need to work on their selves. If you work on yourself the divorce rate will go down. Stop normalizing cheating and not being committed to each partners needs.

[@HuhHaaHYAAAT]

Women cheat at almost the same rate so stop with the BS there are soooo many children who think their dad is someone else turn on your Maury shows Dr. Phil's and junk all of you ladies know a woman who kid doesn't belong to the dad

[@dalagamble3164]

@@HuhHaaHYAAAT where is the stat??? There is no stat that says that. Now it does say if a woman is more than 10 years younger she is more likely to cheat but ask yourself how many marriages are like that? Most marriages are between 2 people who are close in age. All stats say men cheat more. Keep coping and maybe work on yourself so you can keep a relationship

[@dalagamble3164]

@@HuhHaaHYAAATMaury is a small population of people. Most Maury people are the father of the kid. Sure it’s some women who do that but if you using Maury to determine if women cheat more or not I’m questioning your intellect and questioning should you even be having this conversation because that is dumb sorry someone had to say it.

[@TheEnigmaticBM39]

​@@dalagamble3164 apparently, parental fraud seems like a bigger issue nowadays