Why Can't I Quit My Narcissist? Codependency Addiction. Self-Love Deficit Disorder

[@janetwilliams5765]

The answer is to get addicted to these videos!

[@tootooamy]

I'm in this right now. Trying to white knuckle even day 1 of no contact and failing. The pain is unbearable. Thank you Ross.

[@louiselunsford8477]

tootooamy Hold on, believe in yourself, you are worth being free. good luck.

[@TashaBabi16]

tootooamy -right there with you. It's so sad.. I called one of the girls he swore was nothing. I think I don't allow myself to except how bad this is and it's scary to know how broke I really am. How in denial I am. Everyday I fight to keep the veil off my eyes. We just had a baby 6 months ago

[@bluebutterfly681]

I'm right there with you! Our kids are grown, I cannot even imagine if I had a baby during this discard! My heart goes out to you!

[@vanessat873]

I watch the end of this video almost daily. The whole video is good but when Ross talks about having courage and guts to fight for self-love, it resonates. So much of what holds me back is fear. When the dread of that deep loneliness comes, it is my habit to reach out to my sociopathic ex. I swallow my courage.

[@yvonce7309]

Now this makes sense. You have addiction withdrawals from a Narc thats why you keep wanting to come back to them.

[@mohammadalikarimi8055]

Yvonce' Narcissims and Narcotics... See the similiarities in the terms..

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

It’s cause you are a demon that feeds off rage!

[@jakifamily]

We can't easily leave because the narc is our form of "supply "

[@sunshinenyc007]

jakifamily yes

[@AnnHustle]

wow!! very insightful.

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

And cause he has the cash

[@chrissemenko628]

Yeah. Perhaps someone for me to "fix"

[@onlythetruth208]

This is such good information. I have spent nearly a year doing everything I could think of to get the Narc to love me the way he did in the beginning but that was never real. Thank you Jesus that I am moving on and healing from a lifetime of codependency. The future looks bright and I am looking forward to it and to having new tools that will enable me to move forward in ways I never knew were possible. Thank you Ross.

[@tomekamontegue5122]

This was a deep therapeutic session for me. Thank you both. I’m healing myself. I’m knowing my worth and I know I deserve to be loved unconditionally.

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Why should anyone love you unconditionally? Are you that fantastic?? I doubt it.

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

@@corrystar. shut up you stinking pile of abusive shit

[@jbower4012]

I've tried to sabotage possibilities of reconnecting to protect myself.

[@sallywhittard]

These videos give me the strenth i desperatley need to deal with my addiction and SLDD.I will keep watching to reman strong and ride the path to recovery and eventually self love. Thank you Ross

[@bluebutterfly681]

I just talked about this tonight in CODA! I am in misery with these withdrawals! And I find it amazing when you say that about Serenity! And how it's amazing because most of us have never felt it! After I left my abusive husband of 27 years about 2.5 months ago, I was sitting alone with my dog in my apartment and started to look around at how peaceful it was and started to cry because of it. Growing up in domestic violence as a child and then going right into an abusive relationship at 15 years old, I have never truly known 100% peace and serenity. It was such an unfamiliar feeling, all I could do was sit and cry! I'm going to keep watching your videos, I know I'm still in denial about my life even after 2.5 months 1200 miles away from him, my drug of choice.

[@0265Gemini]

This is spot on Ross Rosenberg. I wish I had you as my therapist. My therapist is ok, but this is what I'm trying to explain to him, but he doesn't quite get it. Great video!

[@lauracatlin3756]

I went way back to feeling like I was 6 years old when sobbing during my withdrawal from my narc. I felt like that same child who suffered loneliness in the midst of a family of 11 total. I cried for her, I cried for me and Iv'e been allowing myself this process. It IS the hardest thing I've done in my 30 years of being sober. No wonder people relapse! I did not do heroin but OMG this was and has been surreal to me that I could feel this level of pain. Its been no physical contact since 8/25 and he sent an email on 9/6. I did respond with telling him I was going to live my life as if he were dead and I have stuck to it. He contacted my best friend yesterday to say he loved and missed me. I asked her to block him. I did not respond this time. I appreciate this video and I too am a counselor CADC II and I will share this with others when I heal more. Im doing affirmations and gratitude lists, letting myself weep, taking walks and not engaging in ANY form of distractions. THIS IS HARD SHIT! I plan to get well no matter what. I'm 56 yrs old and have no time for this crap in my life! I JUST learned about "covert" types in which I knew nothing about. In my career I knew the "overt" and spotted them no problem. My narc was like a stealth whose behaviors came out after about a year. He was cunning, baffling and powerful. He was also an inactive Jehovah witness who knew mind control from the endoctranation. He was an overseer of elders of various congregations. A religion I would NEVER be a part of. He witheld that info from me for the first year we were together. Im healing and allowing myself THROUGH this tunnel. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this info. I finally feel someone GETS my loneliness issues Ive had for years that left me feeling alone and ashamed. GOD BLESS YOU for this! I have hope!!!

[@xhen12]

Laura Catlin It is a scary religion and having people in the family always trying to convert you I know from first hand experience

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

No one cares

[@brandonpinto5290]

@@narcabusevictimgermany9687 well apparently you cared enough to reply "no one cares". F**k Outta here you rude lowlife troll .

[@Tanyabah1]

Thank you. I am addicted to these videos in a good way. They give me strength to live through the day and to understand what's going on with me. I was so hard on myself. Now even though, I am in harsh environment, my self talk is changing gradually to more gentle one, and I practice self-care. Very greatfull.

[@RossRosenberg]

You are so welcome.

[@evelyncraig3065]

You are both an Inspiration. I AM DOING THIS Sitting with the Uncomfortable Feeling @ the Bone Ache. I am Doing IT BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT. Thank You🙏💖😍🙏🌈

[@Ryan-rg5if]

Great talk, thank you for recording this and posting it, VERY HELPFUL!

[@narcismebelgie]

I'm very grateful for your videos.

[@RossRosenberg]

+Constantia de Gier I am happy they help you

[@narcismebelgie]

Ross Rosenberg: 😊 after 6 years dealing with a covert narcissist I finally healed. We never had a real relationship, I allowed him to triangulate me. Now I've become the person that should have developed by childhood. (Father and stepfather were narcissist) I have self love, self worth and self respect. It was hard work and I've gone through lots of pain. On the last hovering on 1/1/17 I allowed to be just friends with my narc and after 3 days I broke up because the contact felt empty and EMPTY. It was pulling me down again and I don't want that anymore. I don't need that anymore. Everything that I need is inside me. This January I started my own company 🙂 Happy on my own doing lots of projects. And I'm helping also other victims besides that. I woke up from the illusion. You know what I mean. ☺️ Your channel has got high quality. Greetings from Belgium 🇧🇪

[@Getsuyuki]

I'm struggling with the withdrawal symptoms right now of detaching from my narc. Your story is very inspiring and I want to fight for the right to love myself. Thank you for sharing.

[@narcismebelgie]

Ross Rosenberg : thank you! Only today I got the update of your message. 3 months. 😳 Thank you Ross. For me you are one of the most inspirational people for this matter. I learned so much from you. And I totally resonate with your knowledge. Constantia

[@timothymacdonnell9079]

This was awesome. I really needed this. Thanks, Ross.

[@RossRosenberg]

My pleasure :-) Take care, Ross

[@britlandco]

Thank you Ross. Ive had 3 psychologists at the same time and just quit a codependency group. It’s useless... I could teach it. BUT there was a 19 year old girl there, and she asked me “Can you just go 3 days?” “And then go 3 more.” Thank you to her... for this ridiculous simple step. Because sometimes it’s all I can try.

[@JennyBaty1]

this codependent/narcissist theory is the only thing that makes sense to me. soo many everywhere.😕

[@lcarlyle43]

Dr. Rosenberg please make the connection of persons that has this addiction/ and they suffer with being a introvert. Because i'm addicted but I push him away. I want to see him then I go for months not wanting him around. It begins to feel like he's crowding my space. And he gets angry because he doesn't get to discard me first.

[@Loveniecey1201]

Your not alone thats exactly how i am 😞

[@jc1865]

I've found your video channel tremendously helpful. My understanding of the dynamics has grown by leaps and bounds. Being shamed by a narcissistic parent for having wants and needs really hit home. The insights I've gained will help in my therapy sessions and I think will be part of what we do EMDR around. Thank you.

[@Coloradonow1963]

This is so true and I am trying so hard! I have to have an educated therapist to assist me through this. I keep fearing that I will fall into a deep hole -emotionally and financially- it is scary.

[@cristianevilar9798]

Best explanation ever. Thank You . 🌸

[@RossRosenberg]

You’re welcome Cristiane.

[@senseis1]

interesting video but strange noise in the background

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Techno?

[@lindseytaylor4460]

For me it's unnerving to try to pour as much love as I can into someone who lives on the surface. We both seem to subconsciously know what's going on. Almost like we're reading each others minds. It's powerful and I think the underlying power is part of where the addiction comes in to play. I am doing my best to educate myself to a path of healing. Polar opposite personalities can be intriguing but also so, so unhealthy.

[@dianeschreiber7421]

I’m on day 30, all I do is pray and ask God to keep my thoughts captive so I don’t keep thinking about him. I’m scared I might go back, 6 times now. And yes, it’s true for me too, that I felt at times he could read my mind when I was getting ready to leave him and go be by myself. But once again, I would turn around and go back! It’s a terrible addiction!

[@dhealing]

This makes so much sense.

[@marrylee6746]

I really enjoying all your videos. I can't get therapy or coach at this time. I watched almost all your videos. It really help me tremendously. I really thank you for the bottom of my heart Please keep up the great work you do for people like me who suffer so much for 45 years. Thank you so much 😘.

[@rakeshbhansali4907]

Ross, you are so good... just wanted to add that I’ve been to therapists paid thousands of dollars out of pocket, blurted my heart out and these guys just listened! I believe now that one a hurt individual goes to therapist they want instant fix like addiction, want answers wants to know how to get rid of the pain?

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks so much for sharing Rakesh. Ross's video seminars may be helpful in your journey: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads

[@onedivinegarden]

the sound on most of your videos are extremely low, is there anyway you can make them louder? i have my computer on the Highest level of sound. Thanks

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Look at the woman and you know how low everything can get

[@Judah2019]

Thank you Ross.. Another great video!

[@asjahm2083]

Thank you. Good information. And right in time for the "this is it" conversation that I have scheduled for two nights from now.

[@lonetallsassy]

+Asjah M Hoping it went well for you dear...

[@asjahm2083]

lonetallsassy Thank you for your well wishes! It actually went surprisingly well.

[@kristentaninah510]

Finally an explanation for the long line of narcs in my life. Hi mom

[@JessiesFamily]

Excellent information and always I love the information. thank you so much.

[@FunintheSun813]

I wonder if the narc knows we are lonely 😢😢😢😢

[@mohammadalikarimi8055]

Carlie Loi Of course. But subconciously they use that emotion against you. I truely believe if Narcissist could choose to change they would but its just not possible as Narccisism is their tool for survival

[@safardebon9720]

But the Narc is lonely as well. Their strategy is to feel secure by exercising power over others. The SLDDs strategy is to feel secure by fitting in - two sides of the same coin!

[@themoonbleu627]

Safar De Bon no the narc replaces you before the discard

[@StevieMc71]

FUCK THE NARC THEY ARE BULLIES BECAUSE THEY FEEL LONELY IN THEMSELVES 😡😡😡😡😡

[@kkkkatieh3367]

Carlie Loi yeah they know. Makes them feel wanted, all powerful. Not fair. All we did was love them with our whole being :( stay strong :)

[@borealisland]

Much love to you both.

[@kasspriscilla5183]

Yes I found myself texting and calling him I was no contact for whole week and then after that I start texting him and then talking to him I think a lot of it is that loneliness and we're talking about because you're nobody else is there and when you were cut off from everybody everybody went away because of it so then you find yourself alone and then you find yourself doing that you know it's a waste of time but you do it anyway yeah the reality is it's no good but thank God he's not with me he's in another state but yeah I've got to work on the phone business I need all the prayers I can to break this the pain is very agonizing there's not all the support where I live at

[@JackB2646]

That’s part of the addiction. They are always there and answer texts quicker than normal people. Getting into a relationship with a “normal” guy is boring because they don’t shower you with dozens of texts everyday. You sit there wondering if they even care

[@tgfitzgerald]

I've been going through the "shit hitting the fan" phase for almost 2 years now since I started weeding the toxic people out of my life.

[@Maoceia]

The sound quality is very poor for this video. :(. However, task you for the great info,

[@latspread3858]

Rosenberg the real OG

[@hernandezjuana3025]

Thank you for this Video.

[@elsiekirk3738]

Spot on thank you

[@Rvu72]

to not stalking my ex narc on social media even just 1day is just unbearable for me....even though i knew it will hurt if i see her with her new supply....

[@Getsuyuki]

I'm going through the same thing right now but we have to stay strong and fight this addiction. It is better to end the torture and pain right now then let it prolong.

[@darlingtonboobam4107]

Its true its devastatingly cruel

[@StevieMc71]

Aditya Ferdani hopes she has got a new supply to get away from you ya fucking bully

[@sabrinajackson4754]

wow i never knew until now..i have a long road ahead

[@malin943]

Six months later and I still feel like i need a "fix"... Can't wait to get into theraphy

[@joefriday8607]

Same for me, I'm totally addicted to my wife who dumped me.

[@Neneham1966]

Eric, keep your head up. Allow yourself to feel the pain but then acknowledge where it's coming from. It's not healthy to want someone who doesn't want us.

[@mohammadalikarimi8055]

You need to find something to feed your energy and time into... Something that can shut off your mind or take over your mind.. I.e. like working, hobbies, puzzles, projects, etc

[@beckthereck]

The volume was so low I had a hard time hearing her and him, but more so her. My volume button was up on video and computer. I wonder if Ross can fix that, I would love to be able to hear it all clearly :-(

[@A.S2400]

This is extremely helpful! I definitely have SLDD.

[@vickitricki56]

Love this video.

[@ellmonroe3664]

Haha how funny at the end you mentioned farts. My ex nasty narc told me that my farts or burping was a form of aggression against him and it disgusted him and he had told me to stop and wasn,t I a good girl because I had stopped after he told me to. Ps. we had been together 13 years at this point! Ahhh thankyou for that lol!

[@robyn9513]

Ell monroe it's so unhealthy to hold in darts when you have ti!😂 I know exactly how you feel! Amen😂

[@crazytoads]

Loved the message (Music not so much!)

[@olauren14]

Powerful video! Ross, do you have a video on co-parenting with a narccisst?

[@ComingHomeToYourself21]

wow so good, yes been there done that, fascinating, isn't it?

[@tiffanytiff_fitmarie6487]

Ross where can I find therapy that follows this greatness in the Kansas area?

[@braedynblake2944]

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[@CindyCindy3252]

Thank you for the wonderful videos. Very very helpful. I just have to ask, can you please make your volume louder? It's hard to do anything else but sit and listen by your phone when the volume is so low on your video. Thanks.

[@jennifersmiles7603]

This is me! It's so bad it's ruining my marriage! 😕

[@bradsemmens8676]

Hi Ross, I’d love your feedback on something I’ve noticed about narcissists: I notice many wounded narcissistic women continue to date even more severely wounded narcissistic men. I’ve observed this happens for several reasons. The woman seeks to maintain her image of being the victim to cover up her own narcissism (maintaining the cognitive dissonance)... and whilst they may be narcissistic, they too, have a serious sldd despite how well they wear a mask of being a high achiever or being charismatic. Moreover to the point, many narc woman will date a stronger narc male because they are seeking redemption, seeking acceptance, love and approval - using her partner as a substitute from the original narc (parent or care giver)... I suppose this is a prime example of the ‘covert’ narcissist you speak about? Can you confirm or add to the above I’ve shared? Because I find it so easy for a covert narc person to have an abundance of evidence to suggest they are the co-dependant, however it’s ultimately rooted in having their narc conditioning in tact instead of healing... Thanks Ross, I love your work and you have change my life.

[@vanessaipaba1]

The video is amazing but the audio quality needs to improve.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks Vanessa. Sorry for the sound. We have changed Ross's mic a couple of times after this video. Hopefully you can watch one of his more recent videos, with improved sound quality. For instance: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g57ElGl3i52VoMk

[@xrisku2551]

so if you don't miss your narc, but you were severely narc abused, what does it mean? I don't miss my narc at all. In fact, I have to see him shortly in court, and I am having anxiety again. So why do I not miss him like I hear everyone else saying?

[@amc3450]

Coz of my kids. it is so exhausting because there is always daily mental manipulation, that the kids don't see.

[@Sanfransweety]

I "need" his validation...how can I stop needing his validation (even after separation)? He insists no one will love me. I can't be attracted to any other man except him...

[@kizziah7777]

Please speak about parents who are codependent. That is my issue.

[@lindayeager3126]

Rosenberg,,cant hear you ,my volume is on high and your sound is so low I've got my tablet to my ear and it still sounds like your whispering, turn up your volume, please, otherwise its worth less,and I needed to hear what you and the lady were saying,

[@tonyacourtney601]

The audio is awful on this

[@debrabloch3003]

Just Renember when you go back fir a hit of your drug , attention from your narcissist , you lose the connection to the person you could be who over came this life goal set out by your higherself .

[@h2orainwater39]

How does it affect the narcissist when you tell them that they are a narcissist and you know they will never be able to love or have empathy.

[@chrissemenko628]

We'll never know. (Do you really wanna be in a mind like theirs?))

[@maria12501]

How can you convince someone that the person you're married to is a narcissist, and how can you tell them they must leave.

[@SamNotMantha]

can an individual go from being a narcissist to being a codependent?

[@laceetanner6023]

exactly

[@DVEX1000]

I'm pressed for time right now but I look to return to this with disagreement and an interpretation from someone who fits this criteria. I have no mental health training or therapy experience. I believe that some in this field of phycology over analyze their own conclusions to the point of misleading their patients and peers into unhealthy self practice. I was diagnosed with cptd, and general anxiety disorder and according to you, self love deficit addiction. I disagree. And I will return with an explanation to why I disagree and if I can be enlightened to the reason why I should agree, I'll keep an open mind and heart. Thanks

[@DVEX1000]

Damn... I'm shattered... You sure straightened me out, there, englishman.

[@TashaBabi16]

What do you do when you have to live with this person?

[@marieljunggren8568]

Audio mot good. Too low.

[@thetravelingbelly1913]

Ross, is there a way that I can contact you directly? Perhaps via email?

[@Michaelnolan1988]

Why do people turn into addicts like codependents? I dont understand this? Because my father was an alcoholic?

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Because of narcs and psychopaths?!??

[@Kevin-er1pp]

How do narcissists get you addicted? Do narcissist have a psychic connection to their supply? Sometimes I feel like my narc is trying to get in my mind...

[@RossRosenberg]

Have you read my book yet? It explains in detail how you are formed in childhood as either a codependent or narcissist. Once that has been established and depending where you fall on the continuum, that will determine who you are and will always be attracted to. You will continue to be attracted to that same type of individual unless you work to change your own Relationship Compatibility Value on the continuum. You can find my book at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com. Take care, Ross

[@user-kl8om5gv2s]

International laws. And I'm so beat down and broke I don't thing I can survive in Mexico on my own.

[@compartista]

One thing I notice you say Mr. Rosenberg, which is a contradiction in terms, why, If a Narcissist can't love, you keep saying when the Narcissist and Codependent find Love, you say they fall in love with each other, shouldn't it be worded differently?

[@saumitrsharma2816]

Good Point.....it should be called childhood unfulfilled needs.

[@nira5681]

I don't trust anyone really.

[@karo1564]

I was trusting almost everybody. After this super Narc, BPD, ASPD experience I doubt every new person.

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Not even yourself....okayyy

[@Christina-Christina.056]

Do you think that the narcissist can heal?

[@nicholaszarra7737]

None can. No emotionally unavailable people ever get better and change because theyre self-righteous. Its fun sitting back and watching them fall.

[@StevieMc71]

PowerLady One NEVER

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Why don’t you talk about borderliners more? Scared?

[@estellacamacho9226]

Couples who fart together stay together, lol.

[@katjathesaurus3800]

'they' attracted to me. as i use the reasonable certainty terminology describing ref. ;) slight eggageration outha elLaborate. ... but these people turn like this when i drift from relation. trust, there is anotha when brevious bacj off. that my sis chasing me on fb demand i hear her alLmighty make me narcissist. . deffo take the piss like a diva. ... but u cant play w 'them' like that. ptsd. i sure cant ever live w son same side of planet w her. i am not eniugg to deserve happy

[@janiemiller825]

Being with a narc equals a relation-shit - not a relationship. Lol 😂 You end up with a shit-nificant other- instead of a significant other. Lol 😂

[@veneta72]

Horrendous audio makes this annoying & auto abort immediately

[@RossRosenberg]

So sorry about the sound! We have changed Ross's mic several times after this video. Hopefully you can watch/listen some of his most recent posts and notice the improvement. Cheers!

[@xJelenax3]

too bad because in this video it realls IS quantity over quality. Just cause of bad quality you should not turn it off because i can assure you, you will get so much information and insight on this topic and i honestly couldnt be more glad that i came across this during a time like this. Especially since nowadays pop culture psychology really has no idea what they talk about and its more than helpful to see these 2 brilliant souls being able to analyze and even speak from own experience.

[@franksullivan259]

My Parents were not narcissist

[@Christina-Christina.056]

Do you think that the narcissist can heal?

[@Christina-Christina.056]

Do you think that the narcissist can heal?

[@narcabusevictimgermany9687]

Not in powerlessness