Why can’t narcissists take accountability for their actions?

[@Inkironnrum]

When I mentioned to the narc, as gentle and polite as can be, about something she did wrong, she completely went on rage mode. Thereafter, accusing me of being passive aggressive. The twisted mind of a narc is unbelievably out of control.

[@poochiekitty8062]

💯🗣😥

[@fumarate1]

Yes there all studied from the same text book.

[@namastea]

They're hypersensitive, they can criticize others and you so much but they can't take the slightest remark. Double standards all day 24/7

[@JimBillyRayBob]

When all else fails, when you are clearly in the right, they simply move to rage mode. Accountability is never on the table of options

[@jammyjay917]

Yes they don't seem to understand at all....they will twist things around and blame you....its never worth saying anything....distance yourself if you can

[@Lyrielonwind]

Because they are cowards.

[@Bailey-cx7zz]

So you're calling most women cowards? I don't believe that to be true. They do struggle with accountability

[@Charlie_Loves]

@@Bailey-cx7zzI notice men are bigger narcissists than women

[@dannettepeters1507]

This was one of the most difficult aspects of narcissism for me to comprehend. The narc can feel offense, they can feel pain, their feelings can be so easily hurt, but they have no capacity to sympathize with your offense, or pain or hurt feelings. Once it finally sunk in that his pain mattered and mine was unimportant or silly, the light went on and I realized this person was incapable and void of basic human love. Then, I had to face the denial and confusion I had spent years living with. In the beginning the love bombing causes you to believe a mirage, an illusion, then when their behavior toward you so drastically shifts, well, it is like suddenly you have vertigo and you are struggling to find which way is up. You just can not fathom the inhumanity and cruelty of narcissism. But, once you know, you can not unknown and then you go.

[@tubularme666]

Omg so spot on. I'd bring up something hurtful she said like 27 hours ago, and she'd say "now you're just bringing up arguments from the PAST." Parallel universe.

[@doloinc]

Remember folks: apologies such as "I'm sorry", "I'm sorry for everything", I'm sorry for hurting you", etc., are nothing more than blanket statements. If they can't apologize while also being specific about what they did, explain why they did what they did and make a commitment to trying not to do it again and/or discuss/work with you to create a solution to the problem, it is not a real apology

[@chucky8787]

my sister went through AA (doing the steps) and one day she told me that she was sorry to me. I asked her what she was sorry for and she could not tell me. I figured if you can't verbalize what you are sorry for that you are not really sorry.

[@Kelli5555]

Good call on how they are in the moment. I just walked away from a very toxic man i was giving time to. He is always right, blows up and criticizes immediately, invalidates all if my expressed emotions and concerns. These men are dangerous and I will never talk to him again.

[@KingAries85]

I actually read a book about this and it’s because woman are catered to their whole life. When a woman is in trouble everyone rushes to save her a boy is told man up and figure it out. Men are told not praising women as beautiful or disagreeing with them in anyway is toxic. Women are told to have a door opened for them have bills paid for them and that it’s always someone else fault. You are told never hit a girl no matter what. But woman make up the majority of domestic violence. Women have privileges that inherently make them come off as egotistical narcissistic and that’s why they lack accountability for anything they do because society has told them they are special for no reason

[@LOVEtoPLAYdrums]

Like #2 - They can't look inwards because you break 1 of your own "rules" they start breaking all of their own rules. Start crazy making to cover it all up and continue their arrogant sadistic game. Then once they have to look into the past to figure the present out... REAL shame and guilt hit... Then chaos happens in their heads... Then the narcs(s) can't figure out "why" they did the evil deed... Then can't figure out their "why?" on anything... Now the person will hurt you and doesn't know why... Avoid and no contact is the only healthy way to deal with them... Then they project all of their hatred of themselves on to you... It's the only way to shift their shame on to you... And best revenge is you do you... And let them see be happy to the max... because they can't figure out happiness either... 🎼🎹🎸🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🎼📀🎨🎭🖼

[@cherrybacon3319]

I remember when I tried to tell my Ex Narc why I was the way I was, because of his cheating, and he said "Well, that was 2yrs ago, why are you bringing it up now". Exactly. 🍒

[@KingAries85]

So you chose to stay and used whatever you could to avoid the accountability for your actions to get what you wanted out of him and when you couldn’t walk all over him he became the bad guy

[@cherrybacon3319]

@@KingAries85 Feck you. You didn't know him or what that Bastard put me through. You sound just like a Narc.

[@maria.1c1313]

Thank you!

[@Den-pf5wz]

Three things I never heard come out of a narcissist mouth; 1. I was wrong2. I’m sorry and 3. Please forgive me. Thanks Danielle I am so grateful to stumble onto this site. I worked in a treatment facility with many so called intelligent folks doctorates and all and none could hold a shine to your plain no bs clear way of explaining sick psychopathology that is so prevalent in our society. For a young person you are very wise.

[@theartistfkatop5doa253]

Unless there’s an audience

[@fumarate1]

On mothers day of 2020 I gave my mother a bunch of flowers it immediatly triggered of Narsissitic in injury and she went into a rage then she sarcasticly said where did you get those cheap flowers at some service station you can't even give me a kiss in angry tone of voice,thats when I thought no presents for you then.

[@wildrose12.47]

Excellent explanation, thank God I can finally stop feeling unloveable and undesirable! He never related to me as a real woman, doesn’t understand what that is, as he doesn’t even know himself. It really has NOTHING to do with me! I could have been anyone with any set of attributes. My traits, good or bad, didn’t matter. It’s the Big Bang theory! A million thanks, Danielle. I just got it in a whole new way!

[@doloinc]

Not trying to cut you down, but it's imperative you do not pass on all blame to the toxic person and paint yourself as a victim. This is a psychological process called splitting coupled with blame shifting, no different than what people with NPD do to make themselves into victims to justify the things they do to us, that we deserve it because we are "all bad" and they are "all good". While we should find solace in knowing the psychology and behaviors of people diagnosed or perceived to have NPD, an important step in the healing process is to also recognize how our own issues contributed to the formation and continuation of the relationship as well. For most people intimately involved with NPD partners, the reason they can abuse us is directly related to our lack of boundaries and our willingness to tolerate the abuse we sustain. I know for myself that this was an extremely hard pill to swallow, but the truth was my own insecurities and underlying issues with codependency is what facilitated and prolonged my relationship. I hope you are doing well with your healing journey and I am glad to hear you are doing better.

[@KingAries85]

I actually read a book about this and it’s because woman are catered to their whole life. When a woman is in trouble everyone rushes to save her a boy is told man up and figure it out. Men are told not praising women as beautiful or disagreeing with them in anyway is toxic. Women are told to have a door opened for them have bills paid for them and that it’s always someone else fault. You are told never hit a girl no matter what. But woman make up the majority of domestic violence. Women have privileges that inherently make them come off as egotistical narcissistic and that’s why they lack accountability for anything they do because society has told them they are special for no reason

[@rungeon83]

to be fair women on the whole have a serious issue with saying "I'm sorry" without prompting, I've noticed it a lot and the last ex was the worst with it, she could never EVER say sorry, to her she was too perfect to make mistakes, it was insane!

[@vhayashi7369]

Absolute TRUTH!

[@drleo6409]

she is so harsh... BETTER listen to too. You can not fix them. They need professional therapy.

[@indiefilminternational]

For high functioning ones with NPD, especially coverts in the workplace they can seemingly relate themselves with past and future if the “prize” is right.

[@mixie6650]

You should listen to conversations with my husband. he is a huge Narc and he won't stay away from me....even with a court order😢 there is no peace in my life

[@casandra4904]

Or they won't even acknowledge what was just said but go off and how they're hurting. Even if they blatantly hurt you, whether physical or emotional, there's no apology.

[@pjmrees]

YES! This has been a point of serious madness for me! He will do something bad, even if it's been 2 or 3 minutes ago and when i try to make a comment about it he says, "Well, I'm not doing it NOW!"

[@lovewhitey2027]

Its so disgusting 🤮 Great snipits as always ✍🏻👑📚

[@will_Iam61]

Paradoxically, and I really just noticed this, I mean really noticed that she will say sorry a lot when an apology is not called for and is in reality almost a passive-aggressive insult, but when an apology is called for - NOTHING, not anything, just some kind of deflection. No accountability whatsoever.

[@Beccanator007]

Damn! Hitting home with the shorts! Love these thank you 🙏

[@steffiekensley8743]

It's that hypocrisy that's so utterly disdainful. They can have cognitive empathy, which simply means they can "think" how you feel but not feel what you feel as would be the case with genuine or somatic empathy. But, given they can think what you're feeling, there is no justifiable reason to hold something over your head that you allegedly did years ago but you can't ask about something that happened 15 minutes ago. Nah, not fair, not cool, not acceptable. If they can use cognitive empathy to predict how you'll react to abuse you, they could also use it to understand you. It's a choice not to.

[@KingAries85]

I actually read a book about this and it’s because woman are catered to their whole life. When a woman is in trouble everyone rushes to save her a boy is told man up and figure it out. Men are told not praising women as beautiful or disagreeing with them in anyway is toxic. Women are told to have a door opened for them have bills paid for them and that it’s always someone else fault. You are told never hit a girl no matter what. But woman make up the majority of domestic violence. Women have privileges that inherently make them come off as egotistical narcissistic and that’s why they lack accountability for anything they do because society has told them they are special for no reason

[@danmcdonald8522]

Excellent video

[@plogoo1]

Additionally, apologizing to a narc only serves to validate and reinforce in their mind that they are always correct and you are always wrong. It's impossible for a narc to see relationships as a grey mixture of give and take and/or as a mixture of mutual culpability. In fact, apologizing to a narc only compounds the problem.

[@ellylovely205]

Thanks for your great videos, Danielle. Well done! Well said! 💬💯🎯✔️👏🥰❤️

[@boujeebeauty5549]

Amen. You are so right

[@naga9247]

Wow. Never heard it like this before.

[@basicbase749]

They love creating 2-day chaos and act so normal the 3rd day without taking an ounce of responsibility and you’re just in deep mess all this while because of their toxicity. And they don’t understand why you’re upset on day 3.

[@garrimic3]

My ex wife always says… the past is the past and we can’t do anything about it to change it.. Which is avoidance. So because she can’t accept her destructive behavior there has been 25 years of no apology.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Look at all of us who are NEVER dating again!

[@KarenAbella-do9pe]

THANK YOU.

[@davidemm829]

They never developed a ego guardrail to cause dissonance or anxiety when they were a toddler, it's an intrinsic ego / super ego set of right and wrong, pain and joy, or like completing a inner goal and feeling good about it this ego reward system does not exist .ex) I stopped in my car to let a person cross the street where there was no cross walk, she said " why did you do they" I replied, " cause I was raised this way" which really means have an inner reward ego function and super ego function and personally I actually never get angry, never yell, pull over when I'm getting tail hated, always say thank you, I have a deep honest ability toook inside myself, my traits, responses and who others might view me which ok cause I'm ok ...all of this work I've done on myself lets me just let go of words from others..I just let it flow...bye bye..sooo all of this allows me oto actually see who someone is very quickly upon meeting them, in short time...narcissism in on a scale and at the top it's sociopathy really...vue into ourselves everyday attitudes we have, do you get angry easily. ? Often ? That not good, do you instantly judge a person who looks down and out ? Most do...this whole deal about life is about our selves, not ppl who treat us like crap,. It's us...what got us to stay for crumbs ? What got us to want be overly nice to someone who just told us we were ugly, fat, lazy, worthless, stupid, short, terrible in bed, a clown, a pushover...who would want to please the person who said that to us??? The hurt defenseless child in the pit of our stomach who thot he/she just had to try harder for just a crumb of a nod of approval...ty .y 2 cents...Thank You Danielle for all your effort to educate and rip that mask off the psychopath...Dave

[@izawaniek2568]

Yes, true. Thank you. ❤

[@KleeKaiBreeders]

My ex husband had an affair w my best friend and he said to me after he and she were caught together that it was my fault because I kept bringing her around. Dear Lord! I divorced him and I went no contact w the so-called best friend. These toxic people are so gross. I have zero time for them.

[@kellithomas9080]

Omg I’m so sorry that happened to you. They’re so gross and will find a way to blame it on someone else. Truly pathetic!

[@miriam100ful]

I would like to...but it's difficult avoiding one's narc mother.

[@katieandnick4113]

Narcissists definitely don’t live in the moment. Healthy people live in the moment.

[@roberttruman8444]

They must have some concept of what accountability is, otherwise why do they go to extraordinary efforts to dodge accountability?

[@8888-9]

I'm very sorry you have to go through all this. It sounds like there is solid knowledge about all those NPD behaviours. Take care with sincerity responses. As always Have your own back and if it's your interest Believe GOD @ HIS Love for yourself And the npd

[@שורשחקתום]

You are do mistake, and again do mistake and again do mistake. Not new mistake. If don't do this mistake, you will be mistaker. As mistaker, you of course can do reality list and call it "account". The other option, to stop mistake, and uncover the true account. There is not another option. (Without illusion)

[@ellylovely205]

I hear ya! Cause, it makes sense. However, in the world of Narcissists it doesn't work this/that way. Because, they think they are entitled to do anything they feel like it without feeling any remorse/regret. They never make a mistake in the first place. The blame and making mistakes is ONLY on the other person, except themselves. Therefore, taking accountability and responsibility is out of questions in their world. 💬🤞✌️🥰

[@שורשחקתום]

@@ellylovely205 of course the narsccist do effect, not only feel, but real effect, that he don't in his soul relate not tied any category of relate or tie, but it not because there is not real account, but because he don't want to do or to offer real account. Maybe he also deny any existent of real account, but it not different from philosoff who say: 'all the world, maybe not exist'. Because of that, to find 'agreement rock' with narsccist - is the bad thought ever! Who want to succeed, must do according the fact that the agreemant is anytime by the not-narsccism: even the real fact: who accept give other what he need - he can decide about the relationship. As written 'עבד לווה לאיש מלווה. ' but it not because bad access to relationship - it may be, if this is the personallity - is not the 'true' of this - the 'true' is, who can give, he give - who not give - perhaps he only narsccist? Because of that there are also very much subject to decide right decision - because we don't know anytime moment of now and here - we must clarity, as like as, when don't recieve any thing - need to search - sometimes go the bank and know ing is not sure laughing all the path untill the bank - it's as like as any thing other.

[@honor6x730]

I like your chanel, when you describe my psychopathic ex narc with this cuting voice, I enjoy it, but the more I heal the more I loose interest why they do what they do. I kicked her out several times and took her back, that's crazy too. I needed cuts with a knife and a loaded gun in my face to come to the conclusión it might be better to never see her again, for me something to think about. What gives me power and hope is, I can see now narcs and codependents from a mile, they smell even different. I am repelled and so they are. Jesús that's great I won't ask for more, but the best is I get in contact to people that were boring to me before and they hadn't even take a look at me before neighter for their part. I met that kinda lady, other eyes, other body language, they speak different and they listen different. We had a very very good time TOGETHER. At the end we spoke no more Spanisch and spoke Indian language, it is the language of emotions, it might be posible to lie, but I never heared a lie in this language from nobody. She spoke with her eyes too and she understood my eyes too, a form of comunication witch narcs and codependents for what ever reason can't do. I was true to her, I can't do relationship and I'm just about to learn love now, I am new to it, the only thing I know til now is I have to give. She said, that's good and I will teach you now to recieve as well. We had eye contact for hours while giving and taking, we'll do it again. Irving her home she told a story about an old ugly man who was abusive to her, she was cleaning his house, he wanted a relationship and even a marrige with her. He bought her gifts even a motorbike, he wanted to pay money for sex, he had a firearm in his hands and thretened her to unlife himself, he wanted to leave the country and other crazy stuff. That young beautiful lady needed the money for her father he has cancer but she had to run for her life. Then I realized this man is actualy a good friend of mine. He isn't a narc, but he is as crazy as my hot psycho ex and he as a codependent. I'd never thought he could behave like that. I'd believed that girl even if I didn't know her well. I cared for my friend as well, so I talked to him the other day. Yes he didn't lie, he admited his harmful behaviours, not a narc, yes he felt some kinda bad about it, but there was no empathy for that girl. That was one year ago, he has another girl now he has no chance with. She has a boyfriend I know him, he is a good looking guy and good luck he is cool. But the girl told me the story as it happend yesterday. For the abuser it's the yesterday newspaper, but the victims remembers. My friend is empty like a narc, he needs a girlfriend he has many victims, he changes them like a narc, they are no humans for him they are objects to him, they like him more then he likes them, that couple cares for him. He wants her to splitting with her boyfriend. Narcs get worse when they get older and codependents too. I told him all there was to say and to stay at least one year single even if a hot young modell sucks his legs. He will loose good people and selfrespect, dignity and so on. But I really can't be his friend any longer. I was codependent and you will hate me, but that bit of awereness to me makes no difference any longer. A real loving human is repelled by narcs and codependents, if there is abuse there is no asking for more or asking why. At least if you are an adult victim. Run and then run to yourself if there is somebody to run to. I am not sad about the abuse I took I am sad that I didn't have the intense and truly intimate time before with that other class of humans, there are not many left. Desde Sudamérica

[@neptuniankamie9]

Too real

[@davidemm829]

Their " abuse currency score" can't be even, nothing will ever be equitable emotionally, humaness,sexual desire, nothing..they have dug in to for YOU to chase them, ask them, beg them, THEM..when you have gave in that lower chase /beg them role, you disappear and they smile, getting that stomach tingle when the file their nails, saying " theirs too much salt on the steak" ...stop dancing around the flame ..

[@davidemm829]

You missed a spot vaccuming wtf..😄

[@HHHHammer]

My mother when I was around 8 or 7 would put me into mental homes instead teaching me right from wrong because she hated taking accountability and would rather scream as I cried locking myself in bathroom and I confronted her about this now that I’m older and she got mad at me saying being a parents is hard but none that matters because I was still a fucking child just because your mad doesn’t mean you hurt someone that’s common sense it doesn’t matter if it’s your child they are living beings they don’t belong to you

[@zam2578]

Very helpful. Would improve the quality of the video is a tripod is used and is steady

[@amyjeanc5398]

My sister: Yeah, I can see why you're mad, I guess. I'm not going to say I'm sorry though.

[@chickenbiscuit4525]

Is there some guide to nurturing individuals into greater empathic relativity, a cognitive awareness that exists beyond their own fortification of self and from simply complying with shrewd narcissistic emotional constructs directed by others?

[@doloinc]

If you are asking if there is a process to guide someone with NPD, then no. Even for individuals who become self-aware of their disorder and dedicate themselves to intensive therapy, the majority of NPD individuals simply learn coping mechanisms to function better with the people in their lives but still maintain key attributes of their disorder remain. This is precisely why NPD is one of the most, if not the most difficult personality disorder to treat, even when compared to more severe cluster b disorders like antisocial personality disorder, as even pharmaceutical intervention has little to no effect on the disorder, let alone behavioral therapy.

[@evilannie8884]

You mean change a narcissist? No. Just let them die alone, even then they will still blame others

[@reallue]

I have had some small luck in making my narc/ex/baby mama gain slight, if only brief moments of empathy/clarity. Basically, in conversation, take it to the hypothetical-realm of imagination. & then, ask them to imagine switching roles w/ u. _"hypothetically/imagine our roles reversed. & if I had done_ __(whatever they'v done to you)__, _how would that make YOU feel?"_ Or, _"How would you feel, if I'd done that to you"_ Then, give them a moment to walk their way thru it. You'll probably notice the moment of realization in their eyes - if they don't answer something along the lines of _"I wouldn't like that at all"_ or "_I'd NEVER forgive you if you did that"_ Then, you kinda raise your eyebrows & shrug your shoulders, w/ yur hands up, maintaining eye contact. Basically, saying, _"exactly."_ _"& now, you know how I feel"_ It's almost like you havta guide them, step-by-step, thru the process of putting themselves in your (or another person's) shoes. It's simply a level of consciousness or cognitive ability that,for whatever reason, they never learned growing up. I understand a narcissist is created by a being traumatized by a parent or caregiver at a young age. Unfortunately, this doesn't really change anything. They still did all the abusive, if not inconsiderate 🐂💩 they did to you. This doesn't undo any of that. & they won't apologize for any of it. Especially if they've already found a new supply to replace you. & They're still gonna go right back to being a terrible person once this little creative thought experiment/exercise is over. They're not gonna start doing this regularly in their daily life. The only time they'll do this is when you guide them thru it doing this thought exercise. My ex has convinced herself that I want her back in a relationship. Even tho she's married to another guy. She shattered my ability or willingness to trust any female I'm not related to. Probably, permanently. But this is how I got her to stop saying/suggesting that I wanted her back in a relationship. & to understand, not just that I don't, but why I don't. Apparently all the times & ways she did me dirty - she still thought she could do whatever & I'd still want her back, no matter what. She's the mother of my child. Of course I love her. But that doesn't mean I'll accept or forgive what she's done that went too far. She stopped saying it since then, but I suspect there's still something in the back of her mind telling her I still want her back. Only time will tell if she says it again in the future. Then, she'll just need a refresher

[@johnmaurer2035]

Human Rattlesnakes.

[@l.b.1903]

2:50 i am married to one 😅

[@ebuddha5]

Seems correct. I get it but I don't understand it

[@SauceRicky88]

So must women are narcissists?

[@KingAries85]

Yes .. I actually read a book about this and it’s because woman are catered to their whole life. When a woman is in trouble everyone rushes to save her a boy is told man up and figure it out. Men are told not praising women as beautiful or disagreeing with them in anyway is toxic. Women are told to have a door opened for them have bills paid for them and that it’s always someone else fault. You are told never hit a girl no matter what. But woman make up the majority of domestic violence. Women have privileges that inherently make them come off as egotistical narcissistic and that’s why they lack accountability for anything they do because society has told them they are special for no reason

[@Eoj24]

Lol she said that happened like 4 days ago get over it