Why Did My Grandma's Mom Sell Her At 3 Years Old? | On The Red Dot: Family Mysteries | Full Episode

Inch Chua has always known she comes from a tough stock of women. The actress and singer-songwriter's biggest role model is her grandmother. Despite being abandoned as a child, Grandma raised a family of seven girls of her own. Grandma’s biological mother who sold her to a washerwoman after she arrived in Singapore from China remains a mystery. Who was she? What drove her to sell her child? And was her life better for it?
00:00 Who is Inch Chua?
00:48 My grandmother's two mothers
05:55 Why were baby girls abandoned or sold?
08:25 What happened to some girls who were sold?
10:05 How much did my adoptive great-grandparents earn?
13:29 Hard work of samsui women, Asia's first feminists
18:20 Conversation with my grandma
20:29 Would she ever have sold her own daughters?
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About On The Red Dot: CNA's weekly programme documents the stories of ordinary Singaporeans and celebrates their resilience, identity and sense of belonging.
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[@Amblin80s]

The strength of these construction women is amazing. They did manual labor during the daytime and also raised children in the evenings, while for men, once you were done with work, you were done with work. For women, you gave your 100% on the job, then came home to a bunch of children needing you to cook and wash their clothes and clean the house. There was no rest. On top of that, they often suffered abuse at the hands of their husbands. I can't even imagine how hopeless many of them must have felt.

[@Inquisitor2024]

I've done this as a single parent to..

[@vbrown6445]

I think the narrator should pay attention to how her mother and aunts refer to her grandmother's parents. The narrator keeps saying "real" mother, and her mother and aunts say biological mother, which I think is more correct. The adopted parents who cared for and nurtured her are her grandmother's "real" parents.

[@mynahlu977]

Not sure why the historian didn’t point out that Lim Hey shouldn’t be called Samsui Woman, a fact that one of the aunts had pointed out at the beginning of the documentary. I had a distant relative who worked as a female construction worker in the early days of nation building. Like Lim Hey, she was also from the same region of the Fujian Province. If I remember correctly, I was told these women were neither allowed to be identified as Samsui women nor to don the red headdress that Samsui Women from the village of Samsui of the Canton Province wore. In fact, they were considered a lower class of workers than the Samsui Women at the construction sites and were paid less for their job. So they definitely had a harder life than the Samsui Women in general 😢

[@dominicm255]

The conversation between Inch and grandmother is touching. It's cathartic. Bless them The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there.

[@celestialstar124]

My own grandmother give away my 4th aunt to her nanny. She hire a nanny to raise her daughter when she came Singapore. But after sons years stop paying and visiting them. Luckily the nanny raise my 4th aunt really well. She became a nurse and married a successful doctor. Now both her children are in doctors too. I was delivered by my 4th aunt. She saw my mum's name and requested to be part of the delivery team. ❤

[@margaretjefferies6539]

It’s a common occurrence. Life was hard, I was the third daughter and given to a childless aunt to raise.

[@maxim3830]

There's a difference between giving the child to a known, trusted person and thus keeping it within the family or community, or to sell it. The latter happened too and still happens, but should never be normalized.

[@mimisor66]

I know people that were given by a mother with many children to a childless close relative to be grown as theirs, but the families stayed in contact, as the mother was usually the sister of one of the adoptive parents.

[@celestialstar124]

I believe the biological mother choose to sell the daughter so that her own daughter can have a better life. I know of a women who pass away already. She give birth to 9 children and give away the 2nd daughter because she got many health issues. She is a tiger zodiac too. But the old lady insist she only sold her because she know the new family will give her better medical care. And they are staying near by too.

[@Bee-ly4gx]

The mother that sold her child was most likely devastated to do so. It’s easeasy to say that we would never do such a thing when we have means to provide survival for our children.

[@yiampornungprasert8979]

My grandfather almost was sold by his dad for the boat ride too but his grandmother against it then he was not sold.

[@Amblin80s]

It's heartbreaking how commonplace this was, but I'm glad this video was made and uploaded because for the first time, I could mentally categorize it as simply "an adoption"-an umbrella term under which I could then view every horrific thing that happened to my grandmother afterward. Even in other countries, people give up their children for adoption every day, but we all know that not all of them reach good homes. My great-grandparents sent money to my grandmother overseas to help support her, but my grandmother's adoptive family pocketed that money and used her for domestic labor. This she only found out when she was able to reunite with her older brothers when she was in her 60s. A lifetime of hardship, the extent of which she and her family of origin pieced together 60 years later, after her parents had already passed, all of it is so heartbreaking. And of course I also feel so sorry for those who suffered different fates. I hope their souls are able to find peace.

[@celestialstar124]

Thanks so much for sharing your grandmother story ❤

[@stargazeronesixseven]

🙏 Thank You So Much Inch Chua for sharing your personal journey to find out your grandma Mimi Mama's childhood & finding out that she being sold to adoptive parents that loved her & given her a better life in Singapore. We should apologize for the billions of our past lives' doings , as we might had created many bad karma through our ignorance & unskilful means & to be thankful for the many life experiences & insights gained to be reborned in this precious human life as compared to the lower realms of the animals , ghostly & the Hellish realms & to found strength & wiseness to be abled to forgive others & to ourselves as we all didn't possessed these much life experiences & insights in our past! Most importantly , we be Good Persons & be Responsible Citizens in our respective countries to make this World a Safer , Healthier , Manageable , Comfortable & respectable place for all of us before our respective Unions face their respective Dissolutions in due time & space ... 🙏🕯🌷🌿🌏✌💜🕊🇸🇬🇲🇾🇨🇳

[@maggiep3263]

My grandfather was born in Fujian province, China in the late 1890s. I recall him saying he had a brother who was bought. He said it was common in China to do this. Poor families would sell their children to families who could afford a child. Anyhow, my grandfather left home when he was about 14yrs old and went to the Philippines because life in China was hard. His adopted brother left too and went to Indonesia. I don't know how old he was. I do know he became a businessman and in the 1950s, he visited my grandfather in the Philippines.

[@medusianAllure]

My 姥姥 was the youngest daughter in a farming family. The local landlord/warlord took a liking to her because she looked like a 洋娃娃/porcelain doll also around the age of 3. She was given to the man's sister after he tired of her. She was only able to escape through joining up with Mao's army as a nurse. She made a life for herself, eventually becoming a doctor whose greatest accomplishment was stopping a plague from spreading. I just want to hold space for all of our grandma's and aunties who were sold during such a harsh time.

[@ljcl1859]

There was noone giving your great grandmother food and money for survival. Perhaps she had noone to care for your grandmother while Lim Hai was working in construction. As a washerwoman the adoptive Mom could have watched her while she worked. Lim Hai probably couldn't afford to care for her. Keeping a child to only watch her starve would have been terrible. She saw someone that could give her child a better life. I'm sure she loved her child, and it hurt to give her up.

[@eddiensw]

i wish all your grandmas...happy n healthy...

[@vickypedias]

What a touching, educational, emotional story, brilliant mini documentary!

[@emmah6045]

It is so important to do research about the history and context of the time when a event like this took place. We cannot look at something only within the context of our current affluent lives. There were so many people (all over the world) for whom starvation and poverty were all they had to offer their children. Sometimes the desperate alternative is to find someone who can give them what the parents cannot- even life!.

[@CitizenCan]

and also get some money in return....

[@nostaligia4021]

well said

[@emppulina]

Parents giving children to kind of open adoption was pretty common on the 1950s Finland also. My mother was supposed to go, but her potential father died and the mother didn't want the burden without his income. She seems to have trauma of it. My mothers older brother was adopted by their childless aunt. Also one of my older collegues during my early career told story of her mother trying to adopt her out, and one of my older current collegues was as a self arranged foster-child in a local family after her mother died and before her father remarried. I don't know about money changing hands, I think it was more about better changes for the child. All of these children already talked and witnessed the situation. My mother's potential family was pretty walthy as was also my great aunt. My mother is by far the best educated in her family, although her later education was paid by working, however she could not have done that without good bases her aunt paid, when she was still a child.

[@ReggisDives-7bg]

Vematum's consistent progress updates show dedication.

[@kerryalfaro9437]

God bless all of you and your family ❤❤❤❤❤I love THE AMAZING ANGELIC ENERGIES OF YOUR AUNTS!!! REMINDS ME OF MY MOTHERS SIDE OF MY FAMILY!!!!❤

[@HaloFlemz86]

Inch is so lucky to have a loving and supportive family. Her grandmother was sold but I’m sure her mother regretted it. It was a different time and when you face extreme circumstances and wanted to give Mimi a new life but accepting money for the mother’s new life is wrong. Sorry that happened to Mimi. I’m glad the story was a happy ending.

[@CitizenCan]

Well, you have to give it to the Chinese. They are extremely pragmatic people... Can't afford to raise your child? Might as well make some money by selling her.... When life gives you lemon, make lemonade....

[@user-ug3rz4cu4s]

They know no civilization.

[@catt138]

nope, they would raise sons but not daughters...

[@Ky-rb6og]

First of all, thank you so very much for sharing your family history. After watching your video I was able to gain some insight as to possibly why my Popo was raised by another lady. Popo was born in the year of the metal tiger(1890) in the Kingdom of Hawaii . Her parents immigrated from Guangdong to Kauai Hawaii. I began researching my family genealogy and still cannot find a birth certificate, marriage certificate for her. US federal census(1900) shows her residing in Honolulu with her guardian. She married my grandfather( he immigrated in 1896 from Guangdong to Hawaii) in 1906. My Dad told me he recalled having an adopted sister as a child because Popo lost two sons in infancy and the soothsayer said they must adopt a daughter so any sons born after this will survive. Popo had one daughter and six sons after that but sadly the adopted daughter, her guardian “mother” passed after 1920( no record again) from a influenza and my grandfather passed in 1925 from a heart attack leaving Popo at the time eight months pregnant with my youngest uncle. The company my grandfather worked for gave her a home but hardships ensued. My aunty quit school(6th grade education) to stay at home and care for the younger siblings so Popo could work at the pineapple cannery and my Dad(#1 son) and his brother(#2 son) sold newspapers, shined shoes and worked in a restaurant as a dishwasher as youths all the while attending school to subsidize the family income. She never remarried, never complained, and lived a full life passing at the supreme age of 97. It wasn’t till her funeral (Taoist services) that I realized how through her golden years she instilled in me and my female cousins a sense of self worth in a Chinese family .

[@tksc154]

What a silly question- What do you mean why the adoptive parents treated her well and even DOTED ON HER???? They obviously wanted a child and they came to love and value their adopted child very much, lucky child. You know, like how i adopted a rescue dog who's become an extremely well and much loved member of my family, but even more so for a 3 year old Human baby girl. And could she have fared better in China with a mom who wanted to sell her baby for some bucks vs a loving family that doted on her all through her life?? Great concept and investigation, but not very well thought out questions.o

[@lydiat5819]

So did my mom, she was sold as a bride at 15 in China and was abused by my paternal grandma, she has passed tho.

[@ShinpeiHeida]

Vematum's vision for decentralization is inspiring.

[@celestialstar124]

I believe the great biological grandma already pass away. The grandmother said they stop contacting as she didn't contact her.

[@normabrien8331]

You should not judge the mother as I have heard from your interviews women were not appreciated and it shows how hard their lives were. Your grandmother was very lucky to have parents that took good care of her so maybe it was for her benefit. We don’t know how much women suffered in those times.

[@lalakuma9]

Selling a child to a couple who genuinely want to adopt and care for the child is one thing. Selling a child bride to a family who want to use her as a domestic slave is a completely different thing 😬

[@jana8599]

I wonder if the Coal Coolie had a buddy that provided the boat ride through some kind of barter.

[@beatpirate8]

my grandma was left . it was war and poverty and they left china. my aunt was given to a neighbors ship. she was too small to sneak in the dark to hong kong.

[@gohsoonheng9598]

She look like her grandma early pic

[@limlesley8285]

Aunty is my neighbor. Her house is opposite mine

[@erickchandra3771]

it was a common phenomenon in China or Nanyang (aka. southeast asia) when a poor family selling their daughters to make living.

[@dianecampbell6912]

R u sure it wasn’t your great grand father who sold her?

[@beatpirate8]

this sounds so similar to my grandma. i think women and children were given to others

[@dalet9207]

$5 even then would be more money than today.

[@tinateh]

I wonder if there is any way to trace orphans who grew up in the convent in the 1800s. My great grandmother was in the convent before she married. We know nothing much about her except her name and the possibility that she had Batak origins. Also wonder how a Batak child could have ended up in an orphanage in Singapore.

[@CitizenCan]

Q:"Also wonder how a Batak child could have ended up in an orphanage in Singapore." A: Human trafficking....

[@tingblubblub6106]

Lim hui may have the foresight by selecting the right adoptive parents to give the grandma awY

[@CitizenCan]

not give. Sell

[@melaniemansfield3319]

At least they were sold and killed at birth because they were born a female. That happened too. Seriously you don’t want to know how. I’m in the U.S. This gentleman I knew coming from this area mater of faculty told It haunts me to this day. I also know he loves his granddaughters.

[@user-ic2bk1pi3b]

My mom would have never did that to her kids. Also won’t sell them to a husband.

[@Liz_678]

Interesting 🧐

[@beatpirate8]

omg my auntie IS year of the tiger!!

[@PapageAtherton]

Vematum's community-driven approach is what crypto needs.

[@jillgott6567]

You sell shoes, clothing, a car. I would not even sell my cats !

[@jessicaregina1956]

Because she cried too much.

[@oseandepartmentofnarcotics]

3:45 ah yes the famous colony of french south china

[@SK-zt2lx]

What language are you speaking with your grandmother? It sounds exactly like Taiwanese. I understood almost every word.

[@SK-zt2lx]

Did a deep dive and today I learned about the Hokkien language. Apparently there is a commonality with all the Hokkien languages, but with some differences depending on region. As a first generation Chinese American, who was only taught Taiwanese, this is really eye-opening.

[@valc1905]

​@@SK-zt2lx I think the language u learned is called taiwanese hokkien, i havent really heard any call a language taiwanese? Taiwanese used more for nationality.

[@wsmithe2209]

@@SK-zt2lx - There is no such thing called taiwanese language. Ppl made thing up or created the language. Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese and other Chinese dialecgts are spoken in that island.

[@BayardGoriol]

Vematum's responsiveness to community feedback is impressive.

[@MaraBaile]

Vematum's leadership team is stacked with industry experts.

[@JJW77]

My mother was given away. When she got older, the bullies in the village would taunt her about it. Mother would face her tormentors and tell them that she feel sorry for them, for they only got 1 mother, she was lucky enough to have TWO mothers. After a while her intimidators left her alone... kzbin.info/www/bejne/faeliJuqr7xki7s

[@ABC-ed8cg]

It doesn’t work like that but okay. 2 mothers are more like if one’s parents divorced and one has a step-mum who also cares for one as much as one’s own biological mother. I was given up for adoption too. I’m 36 this year unlike all the older adoptees you’ve come across. My birth mother couldn’t care less about me. Some may have given their children away so the latter can have a better life, but not in my case cos my parents favored son over daughters.

[@MadelinaIvan]

Vematum's partnerships are a testament to its credibility.