Why Do I Hate My Newborn?

[@haleytruslow7200]

I’m glad he’s looking for help. Having a baby is NOT a walk in the park. This kind of thing needs to be talked about more

[@fauxbro1983]

Yeah it is. Just throw a blanket on thier head when they scream to much. All you gotta do is feed em and change thier shitty diapers

[@IRLSuperb]

@@fauxbro1983 you are sick.

[@Teenywing]

I loved LOVED LOVED doting on my 5 kids as newborns. I literally could not get enough of caring for them…. They are much harder now, but just as amazing. It is not normal to not like your baby. You need therapy (caller)

[@marteumar8429]

@@Teenywing It is normal in the sense that it is common. The word normal fits perfectly if we stick to the dictionary meaning of ‘normal’ instead of your moralizing superiority complex.

[@miminotbovered2857]

I wish people were more honest. It's funny how no one wants to tell you how hard it is until you're deceived into having one. The narrative (from other women especially) is how fulfilling and how you'll never regret the loss of your life after having a child, but that just isn't true for every parent.

[@morningglory5597]

My father wanted kids, but then reality hit. He never let us forget how much he hated his job, was angry or raging all the time, physically abusive, avoided us even though he was in the same house, hated his responsibilities as a "dad," resented us just because we existed. If he even heard you make any noise in the house, he'd let you know it. He never did anything with us at all. Close to the end of his life, he said how he wished he'd remained a bachelor. It's brutal when things don't magically get better over time like everyone says, and you're never even liked, much less loved, by your own father...ever. It's huge for the caller to reach out and actively seek help.

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

Gracious, I read your comment twice. Sounds like my childhood home, only it was my mother. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t about me. It’s still hard to fathom. I guess that back then she didn’t really have a choice about having kids. I wonder if this is why so many men walk out on their families. Anyway, I’m sorry you grew up this way.

[@firefly9838]

Sounds like he was in pain and didn't know how to process that pain in a healthy way. I'm sorry you had to deal with his failure.

[@cashway0420]

The only advice my dad gave me was " DON'T get married and have kids" lol

[@flch95]

@@cashway0420 probably the advice I’ll give my son lol.

[@blahblahblah4544]

To me he sounds like a selfish asshole who never figured out how to love :/ I'll be the judgemental one against him. Probably he has forever on had traumatic childhood which led him that direction. Still. Just so you know, you and your family should've been loved. Children are the treasures of our world. Precious beings. Period. Any of of us adults who hurt children should be chastised and shamed. It is really hard to be a parent. But to be laying on your death bed being a complete twat? Goodness. I'll pray he's in heaven and healed from all his issues because I wish no one go to hell. But that must've been so vile to deal with and I hope you learn about real love. Bob Marley. Listen to Bob Marley One Love.

[@jwise7777]

Lack of sleep will make anyone crazy.

[@Bigwheela_547]

But he’s not crazy

[@jewlssky1094]

Whattt

[@brebra7420]

Everybody has similar thoughts But this guy was calling him to stop him to doing a hug mistake ..with a baby”s life😡

[@williamlowry1691]

@@brebra7420 Youve got to understand that sleep deprivation and overall stress can lead to bad thoughts. NOT HIS FAULT

[@mechasaurusgames]

Im not a dad but I can say im proud of this young man for even reaching out.

[@RecoveryAndLife]

I respect him too, I had a baby at 19 as a drug addict and I’m 25 now, clean with a happy 6 year old. I know where that dark hole can take you. People say it all the time and it’s cliche but, there’s literally no handbook. Imagine it another way, imagine someone brought your best friend to you and said “you’re now responsible for every single decision he/she makes for the next at least 16 years and if you F up you will mess him up permanently and he will forever blame you and it will create generational trauma. Alright! Have fun! Bye! This is the most amazing thing to ever happen to you!” That is parenthood. Sometimes it’s literally just going through the motions. as a guy who’s been DOWN through the DIRT man like seriously bad things, the best advice I have is KEEP GOING. the bad times don’t last forever. You have got to keep treading water, stay in the ring, even when you’re cornered with your back against the ropes STAY IN THE FIGHT. love to everyone

[@Fakejord]

@@RecoveryAndLifereal

[@michaelp.490]

@@RecoveryAndLife im not a dad yet or anything but that was pretty cool advice

[@marymccann6110]

No hate or judgement from me my friend!! No one ever tells you how HARD having a newborn is. The fact that you are looking for help shows that you are a great parent!!!

[@taradiane]

same here. man, i really feel for this guy.

[@jackofhearts1056]

Exactly!

[@katemiller7874]

Sorry. That’s an innocent baby.

[@kiatequila424]

Actually everyone does, I'm a nanny.

[@emma_luce_1123]

Their adorable and worth it but it is very tiring and hard. Especially if you do it alone

[@CurtisLandworksVT]

Dude, having little kids can be BRUTAL. I have been right to the edge multiple times with my two kids. Horrible insomnia etc. It DOES get better. Kids have a really big period of extreme fussiness around 6 weeks, and you are probably in the middle of it with your little guy. IT DOES GET BETTER. You have to keep on keeping on, it will get better.

[@wufflerdance9481]

yeah...3-6 weeks old was awful...only at night....all night .....realized later it was probably pain and growing cramps...cause that month i found out he grew 3 inches taller...3 inches...14 inchea tallwr his first year total

[@leabeauty837]

Nope having older kids especially pre teen & young teens is far harder.

[@writer_jane4912]

I'm a different way. ​@@leabeauty837

[@ryanmoore7283]

@@leabeauty837it’s not a contest you fucking clown

[@recur9245]

My best part was when they stopped doing that horrible screeching lol my daughter is 3 now and have a 1 yo son she's a piece of cake now apart from tantrums but babies I found really really hard like depressingly bad

[@Momba_Jules]

This made me tear up almost immediately. As someone with a 14 month old who I love so dearly, but I had some undiagnosed PPD afterwards. I thought there was something wrong with me. I just want to tell this guy that it gets better!

[@brookecarrillo3432]

Yes it’s so true!!! I hated the newborn babies phase and looking back I know I had PPD and just didn’t want to admit it.

[@brookecarrillo3432]

@@SarahConnor562 my brother in law had it. As Dr. John said your testosterone can drop and estrogen can increase which causes an unstable fluctuation in the male hormones. Also when the baby never wants to be with you as the father and is always attached to your wife both emotionally and physically it causes emotional turmoil. Men are just big babies and need attention from us women and that newborn phase can be hard when they don’t get what they need haha.

[@brookecarrillo3432]

@@SarahConnor562 I think that’s very important. I definitely tried to keep my husband in on everything I did with the baby and the best thing for our relationship was kicking our 8 week old out of our room haha. We needed that time together after she went to bed of just the two of us, and we needed a space in our home that was just ours.

[@bettysmith4527]

@@SarahConnor562 Maybe lack of sleep?! He is also only 21 and didn't give himself time to live before committing to a family!

[@marteumar8429]

@@SarahConnor562 Males who live with their babies and their baby’s mum have hormonal shifts after the baby is born as well, and it isn’t just for humans. All domestic mammalian males do: dogs, cats, rats, domesticated primates. Evolutionary biologist theorize that the significant testosterone drop is meant to male males more docile and decrease the chance of them murdering the baby. It’s common for male mammals of other species to kill their offspring in order to put the female on heat again of course humans have evolved out of our primitive instincts but our anatomy and physiology is still deeply synced with our nature, we’re animals after all.

[@emmarose6590]

A lot of parents feel this way. Babies are hard. Everyone always romances it but it’s freaking tough

[@ScorpioBeauty]

This! I don’t like having kids at all!

[@jackofhearts1056]

As crazy as it sounds, I think it's pretty typical. Prayers to you brother. Hang in there! It will get better.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

Typical to "hate" your newborn?!? Giving him grace is one thing but that's going too far.

[@addiskassa5165]

@@neededtobesaid4275 The baby come this world with his part why you hate him, this is the problem unplanned pregnancy, the little guy suffering in the middle, please train your self how to take care your precious baby and the reward is amazing! Good luck!

[@jackofhearts1056]

@@neededtobesaid4275 Ok. How about resent? I didn't say the feeling was rational. Or right. But it does happen.

[@TylerTrdPro]

@@neededtobesaid4275you are a clown. You know that right?

[@ishaankumar4587]

​@@neededtobesaid4275alot of mothers start hating their newborn after he's born it's some sort of mental thing but it's temporary

[@teagarden874]

I'm so glad this guy is reaching out for support. He's not a bad guy at all. He's very young and this is a big adjustment in life. Things will get better for him.

[@Jane5720]

Yes, he’s very young

[@bethanderson4033]

I think expectations are everything. I was the first time mom that held my baby and thought that was cool, now what? And the first 3 weeks of my baby’s life I cared for him out of obligation, not out of love. He was this little slug that cried for me constantly and I just wanted a break from him. It wasn’t until I saw him writhing in pain (we found out he was reacting to the dairy I was eating in my breastmilk), that I suddenly felt pain and sadness that he was in pain, and I wished I could take it from him. My heart changed. The biggest difference is that I knew going in that most parents don’t have a magical moment when they meet their first kid that they fall in love with them, I knew it was common. It was comforting to know that I was normal. This guy has been lied to, I don’t know why generations of parents continue to try to hand over rose colored glasses to new parents instead of keeping it real.

[@janelleg597]

It seems people are constantly talking about how hard it is

[@caseygottschalk591]

It does take a village and we didn’t have one for our three kids until we found a church. We didnt have family nearby.

[@katemiller7874]

How about because some of actually loved our children through all the phrases. Sad for these kids that have these shitty parents.

[@noushs8004]

Babies are born w/ their temperaments, sometimes you just don’t click w/ the baby because their temperament isn’t the type you get along with. Parent-child chemistry exists, some kids you’ll be naturally closer to than others. That’s why each parent always has a favorite child.

[@KMiller-d2i]

It was the same way for me. I had a lot of complications during labor, which may or may not have contributed to it. But for me, it was a week and a half after birth when everyone left us alone, and my baby was sleeping in my arms and started suckling in his sleep. It’s the strangest thing, but that moment was when it happened for me. I think it’s different for every mother. People need to stop judging.

[@nicoleanagnostou7719]

No judgement here friend. Having a child is a HUGE life change. I have a 4 year old and the first year it took everything in me not to walk out and leave him with his father. I know it sounds cliché but it does get better. I promise you will find a new normal.

[@Girlgonewise]

My husband and I had our first at age 21. I honestly wanted to throw our baby out the window. I hated myself for this, the guilt was intense. I got help and things got better. Our son is now 15, the the most amazing kid. We’ve since had 5 other kids and are expecting our 7th. I know it’s hard for you to see now but this will pass. Continue to talk about how you’re feeling and take as much help as you can get.

[@janelleg597]

😂😂 Wow glad it worked out 🎉

[@Girlgonewise]

@dbaisy6094 why is a MARRIED COUPLE choosing to have a large family irresponsible? We are raising well rounded children, we are 💯 responsible for all of their expenses and have never needed a dime from family or the State.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Congrats on the big family!

[@Girlgonewise]

@dbaisy6094 I am a full time stay at home, home schooling mother. I am with my children all day, take them to their activities. I spend more time with each of my children than most parents with less children that are in school or daycare all day long and literally just pick them up just to feed them and put them to bed. Your logic is based in ignorance.

[@Girlgonewise]

@@LadyMarigoldWithers Thank you very much.

[@lisabrightly]

Hes 21? Hes still a baby too! Too much has happened too soon. Now he's stuck. I feel awful for him. He needs lots of support.

[@karinalemus2305]

This happens to a lot older men, so I can imagine being so young only makes it worse.

[@Shield954]

Fr. 21 is a college kid that doesn't even have a fully developed frontal lobe.

[@Blacknight6577]

That’s always an excuse isn’t it? “He’s still a baby too” like no not anymore. He needs to grow up now and he’s over 18 now. Why is it alway the women saying this.

[@marianemashkalo4182]

Nope. Awful? He had a baby, it's a wonderful thing! He's not even Mom who gave birth. Time to grow up indeed. He was adult enough to have sex and now he's a baby?. It is not normal to hate your newborn

[@lmentrix5438]

​@@Blacknight6577oh ya because anyone 18+ 21+ is absolutely ready for life

[@ItsTyrone7]

I think the show should send a note to this guy to tell him he SHOULD read the comments! Real people support you! Seriously the only people who don't know what you're feeling have not been there, because all of us that are parents definitely have. You're ok, dude. It doesn't make it all better but you're SO not alone! Just know that this part is normal, unfortunately, and that it will get better! Hang in there... it's about to get great!

[@katiewaves]

Having a baby is tough. I didn’t start to enjoy motherhood until my son was 9 months.

[@kateluck1555]

As a maternity nurse, part of my new parent teaching goes over how f-ing miserable babies are between 1 month and 4 months. Though I say it a lot more professionally 😂 8 week olds are right in the middle of the “miserable human being” phase. It’s so hard

[@katrina3560]

Ahahaha.. Bless your ❤️ I can't lie, I would have loved to hear some well placed curse words explaining that newborns are ***king daunting and that I'd survive the sh** show 💞

[@katemiller7874]

You are a putz. Teaching people this crap. They are the sweetest at that age

[@patriciasoto4726]

I can agree, my baby boy cries a lot!

[@KevinTheRoofPro]

I have a suspicion that a lot of parents feel this way. This guy was just brave enough to ask for help. Good on you friend.

[@deed449]

Having a child is a life altering experience. For some it is very scary. Obviously he is reaching out because he genuinely loves his child. I pray for him and his family.

[@meganbaute4254]

His question was “why do I hate my new born so much?” He doesn’t love his baby he hates it.

[@sendingit2601]

@@meganbaute4254it’s so disappointing you think like that. I really hope you someday get some perspective and maybe try and understand what PPD is

[@sol3a918]

@@meganbaute4254 it seems he thinks he hates his newborn when really he hates the new, extremely difficult situation he's in, and sees the baby as the catalyst for it. the fact that he made this call shows he cares about himself and family enough to ask for help, and in care there is love

[@nataliewheeleryo]

This is also a good time to talk about shaken baby syndrome. If you ever feel rage and that you are about to hurt your baby, set them down it their crib and walk away. Call someone who take care of them until the rage subsides. Talk to a therapist on how to control your anger during these moments and techniques to calm yourself down.

[@monkeyd327]

No. If this happens you’re a danger to others and you need to check yourself into a mental hospital. This isn’t a matter of “oh I got a little angry and I maybe could have shaken my baby” if it’s even a consideration you should never see that child again.

[@swaefr]

​​@@monkeyd327That's an escalated response! Insomnia & constant irritating noises(like baby crying) can take a toll on anybody, the two combined are literally a form of torture. When people like you suggest such harsh punishments it actually does more bad than good, because if you want to take away a person from their child instead of saying they should be provided with a means of getting away & therapy when they're frustrated then what's going to happen out of fear of losing their child is that the parent will try enduring & ignoring those frustrations, which could lead to the child being harmed. No good parent is willing going to be okay with losing their child & not being frustrated by your baby doesn't make you a good parent neither does being frustrated make you a bad parent.

[@monkeyd327]

@ I’m not talking about being frustrated pal. There’s a big difference between feeling frustrated and resentful in a moment and having to remove yourself from a situation out of fear of shaking your baby. Get a grip

[@saltkiji]

i think you’re being incredibly harsh towards a volatile situation. as the other person noted, insomnia and constant grating noises (not to mention emotional turmoil from life change) when combined with a person trying to keep a starting family happy, healthy, and sustained can result in high stress and anger. checking yourself into a mental hospital is quite frankly one of the worst things you can do for yourself and your child in this moment, whereas learning to curb and redirect your stress and anger in appropriate ways would be far more beneficial. remember, the parent in question is not in their right mind if they exhibit a rage around their newborn. this doesn’t mean they have major issues; it’s just something that needs to be managed with time and therapy.

[@monkeyd327]

@ I’m not literally saying to check yourself into a mental hospital and I’m not saying I’d respond any differently. I’m saying that something is wrong if you need to distance yourself from a situation because you’re scared you’ll harm your child. The fact that you’ve had to remove yourself from the situation because it was actually something that might happen is the issue

[@colt4573]

It’s so crazy, I can relate with this call so much. Joined the ARMY at 17, got married at 18, had a kid and went to war by 20. By 21-22 I discovered that I had low Test levels. I’m 33 now with 4 kids, fighting depression & ptsd. Also struggling with my weight and drive to get up And move. Feels like my entire life is 100% not for me. I hope he ends up pushing through.

[@FresaPeroNoParaTuMermelada]

im the same age as u o.o

[@ts8024]

You didn't get a chance to be young and care free. Life just snowballed after HS and suddenly, you went from being a teen grad to having all those adult responsibilities. Keep pushing through. Know that your life has meaning.

[@colt4573]

@@ts8024 yeah that’s pretty much how it went. Thank you. I know I will do my best to help my kids have wonderful lives.

[@menglishG59]

a year later. how are you doing?? are you okay? i hope you’re doing better

[@colt4573]

@@menglishG59 it's the weirdest thing. Lol this year me and my wife split up, then I lost 50 pounds. Now I'm a full time single dad & getting ready to go to the Sheriff academy to start a new career as a Deputy Sheriff. A LOT has changed in 1 year.

[@nolpat5378]

Had to come here cause the TikTok pages apparently got worse adhd than us and can't finish what they post

[@MrFrAnCk83]

So glad I did though

[@DNA350ppm]

As someone who had a colicky baby for around 4 months constantly I can only offer my sympathy! I was on the edge with everybody around, beause (according to me) they didn't understand one iota of the sleeplessness and the situation for me. I was 32, so, nobody should blame your age. Yes, check your hormone-levels and get all the nutrients you need, and buy healthy food for yourself and get them muscles working, you can do callisthenics at home, too. Or where ever. Carry your son, on your back or on your tummy, so your wife gets some sleep. All the best wishes!

[@blahblahblah4544]

Sleep deprivation is a real thing. I was sleep deprived to the point of hallucination :( After I feel asleep, I was better.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@blahblahblah4544 Indeed, both mind and muscles are "screeaming" when you don't get sleep. One shouldn't drive, it is very risky. And yet, many have noticed that a baby falls a sleep when in a moving car. I can only say this much - mum should eat not stomachupsetting things, like milk and onions and kale. And carrying the baby stomach against stomach in a baby-carrier round the clock. It helps, too. No medicine helped. After some weeks I defied all "rules" and slept with my baby in the carrier, and we both could sleep, myself rather napping, but he soundly sleeping.

[@drisanacaldwell8828]

I just listened to this through the podcast and wanted to find the KZbin video to thank Dr John for how he handled this call. I also want the caller to know he is not alone, and he’s not crazy. I had SEVERE postpartum depression with my oldest son who is now 21. It was the worst, most lonely and most terrifying time of my life. Take Dr Johns advice and give yourself some grace. Thank you for being brave enough to share because you are helping more people then you know.

[@aaroneinhorn5529]

I actually found this one to be amazing. I think a lot of parents are fed up with, angry about, or otherwise have super negative feelings about their children. For all the reasons that John said. The kid sucks up all the air in the room, the love from the partner, money, and you get so little back in return. Most of the time, it passes as the kid grows into a being who is able to be communicated with and who can express their wants and desires.

[@katemiller7874]

Don’t have kids please

[@patriciasadlertrainor6771]

Wow, he's so young to have a kid. Probably feels left out of having fun with friends and partying or whatever. Instead of having fun he's working and getting up with a new baby. They are very demanding at any age. I can feel his pain in his voice. And if he's had a low grade depression for yesrs, this new stress has kicked it into high gear. Dr John gives excellent advice here

[@FoodFreedomUSA]

21 is a totally normal age to have a first child.

[@Jonsnowmerdinger]

Since becoming a father I go out of my way to give one specific piece of advice to all my friends who become fathers for the first time. Your wife spent nine months incubating your child and building a relationship with this little human growing inside of her. You on the other hand just met this little person and sometimes it takes a little time to develop that relationship but it will come. Most importantly you're not a bad person some thing's take time.

[@rajanne2116]

Hearing these comments are really eye opening. I’ve felt left out or shamed for not settling down and having a family and doing what society says I should be doing from that perspective, but man, am I grateful for my freedom filled, child free life. Bless all the parents including my own, because it truly sounds miserable. I know it gets better, but man god bless you all.

[@smakkdat]

This guys situation is like 2% maybe. Most people feel bonded to and protective of their babies even before they are born. If not, then the bond eventually develops. Newborns are expressionless, very demanding and it’s exhausting. Once that baby starts smiling and babbling and reaching for his daddy, that guy will begin to feel more bonded no doubt!

[@AngryDad.]

Haha what a lame life

[@rossharris8772]

Bruh😂😂😂😂

[@generose9083]

Man up and have a baby. The population is declining. Do your job son.

[@SueSueRen]

You have to mentally prepare for how children change your life. As the Leader of his family, this is scary. I pray he finds the help because this can easily change into a scary situation.

[@NeccoWecco]

I saw a really insightful video about mothers who murder their babies. The connection between all of them was post-partum induced psychosis. These feelings aren't talked about enough - parents need support, they need to know that these thoughts aren't their fault, it's not shameful, and they need to seek medical help. It saves lives. Thanks to this dad for reaching out, I'm sure so many people will find this video and see that there is help out there

[@caseygottschalk591]

John I am reading these comments that you told him not to read. You need to reach back out to him and tell him to skip the first few but after that, There is a community of people here that could really make him feel supported and not so alone! People are cruel, but any parent can tell you we stick together and understand!

[@matthewbrandon931]

I grew up with a father who hated me since the day I was born. Get some help dude. No baby deserves to be hated.

[@Humptydumptydidapoo]

I get your trauma, but you can tell this man is looking for help and wants to love his child. This is definitely ppd which is normal

[@achaatipimbinhaxiti9361]

Im pissed off I try my best to help my daughter relax and stop crying but I just fucking despise her crying

[@generose9083]

He's getting help.

[@andeurastar]

This guy should know many men take months to bond with their baby.. it won't always be like this ❤

[@junbh2]

Yes, and many women do too, even with the extra boosts of pregnancy and breastfeeding. Also, postpartum depression is only partly due to hormones. It's also related to the life change, and some dads also experience something similar.

[@Blacknight6577]

Months?! That’s insane to me. I bonded with my child as soon as he came out of my wife. I can’t see my life without him at all

[@stargateproductions]

Months, what? Maybe some men but that doesn't seem right.

[@BadBlunder]

@@Blacknight6577this may be hard for you to believe, but people can have experiences different than your own. Crazy concept, I know

[@Blacknight6577]

@@BadBlunder no duh, but for it to take that long just doesn’t sound right or natural. It just sounds like someone who didn’t want any kids at all and then ended up having one and was like “well, now I got this thing and I have to force myself to bond with it”

[@rebekkad.2092]

That had to be a difficult call for him to make. It required more honesty than I think I have. I imagine one day his little boy will be scared and come running to him for protection and he will know what falling in love feels like.

[@kathymonnin9818]

My granddaughter got married at 20 I told her if she wanted children right away to let me know because I would buy her a car seat and diaper bag and everyday she went to work she was to take the car seat and fasten it in her car and pack the diaper bag after work she was to take the car seat out and to take the diaper bag in every day and figure out how much she enjoyed that before she put a baby in it. I asked her to figure out child care and who was going to pick up and drop off the baby.

[@Grimbee117]

We appreciate your strength and honesty Jacob. Hope things start to turn around for the better for you.

[@Allybaba55]

Those first 6-8weeks are literally hell. Hang in there man!

[@chitlinjuice]

I mean, having a kid at 21...I'd hate my life too. Not everybody is excited about extra responsibility and bills at that age lol

[@blahblahblah4544]

Yeah, like what is his job? Is he even established yet? Do him and his wife know how to communicate and be a team on finances yet? There's so many things to deal with with new marriage and baby. I hope he studies up because sometimes there's good advice out there that can really help.b

[@mnrc6409]

Disgusting comment

[@vigarobugsbunni]

This was a great call, i hope we can live in the world where men and women can talk about this without instant judgment.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

Really hope he finds it in himself to get help and be even more honest with the doctor than he could on the radio. His whole life could turn around and he is not alone. Godspeed.

[@chitlinjuice]

I know someone who is divorced w kids and not even 30 yet. They got married before they were even 20. So many people think they're gonna be with that person forever when they're teens and young adults, but please slow down. Hormones make people move way too fast and make permanent decisions hastily. That baby probably showed the reality of the life he just agreed to at a very early age with a woman he didn't know too well from the get-go. His hatred is just misplaced anger and depression on how his romanticized expectations did not meet reality. He needs to get therapy to cope with his new reality bc his decisions are irreversible.

[@mariahkindle4486]

This is so true! I’m 27, and I am so glad I don’t have kids and did not make the mistake of having them when I was basically still a child myself. My life would be so different and not for the better.

[@sceratt5313]

These comments are everything I hoped they would be. I haven’t scrolled long, but the support that this kid is receiving is incredible.

[@leahsiblerud9537]

I’m a female with no kids but I can still absolutely relate to this guy. Kids are tough and babies are brutal. I’m so glad he called and I hope this can be encouraging to anyone struggling with connecting to their kids or struggling with postpartum depression. These feelings are common and it’s ok to be honest about how you’re feeling ❤️

[@sol3a918]

kudos to this kid for reaching out, it must be incredibly hard to admit to this and say it out loud, but in doing that he took the first step towards getting better

[@puncheshippies623]

I feel this so deep... I hate every moment of Parenthood. I hate everything about it. I'm starting to despise my spouse, I'm tired of getting yelled at I pay all the bills I do everything I get yelled at constantly I just don't know what to do anymore I'm tired of getting screamed at....

[@achaatipimbinhaxiti9361]

I feel you

[@kylestokes4501]

RN here. Bonding in the FIRST FEW HOURS is critical for a father. Mom loves the baby at knowledge of conception usually. She feels it growing inside, dad loves the baby a few minutes after birth. Eye contact(even though the child really can’t well see yet), finger grabbing, touching the baby’s feet, holding/cradling, smelling. I cannot overstate how important this is for a father. There are critical minutes, or the child can “feel” like someone else’s child, or that “bond” is just not created. I’ve seen it so many times, a disconnected dad- or one in shock, and you can even help nature take place. Get him involved in first bath, dressing, any activity that will garner a protective and nurturing focus activity. I’ve had folks that are the salt of the earth confess to me they don’t feel a bond with child, and they are shattered because of it. It can’t be forced, but there is hope. Often by Toddler Stage, there’s a second bonding, a personality develops- and the Father can see his genetics playing out, and THAT is the where the Father’s strongest bond is struck- in Tungsten. This is no longer a dependent generic newborn, but developing child that is individual.

[@jaciemokidm609]

That's good and true information, but I'd note that there are many moms who do not feel connected to their babies in the womb. Bonding in the first hours is critical for both parents.

[@kylestokes4501]

@@jaciemokidm609 you are so right. I was one sided in that answer, and I apologize😳

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

I went through severe post partum depression with my second for 18 months i had an implant contraception which I think onset it and the fact that I was cheated on during the pregnancy, neglected with no help from my partner especially after baby was born didn't help. I sought help because your kid deserves it.

[@renateelankumaran6900]

Him just reaching out for help shows how much of a good person he really is...there's pain in his voice man...I hope he gets better❤

[@nadiadominguez3254]

You are doing the right thing by getting help. Nothing but compassion from me, you are not a bad person.

[@Gabster1990]

It's hard dealing with a baby. All I can say is get as much help as you can. It takes a village to raise a child!

[@Beelcibub]

He may not realize it but he started healing the moment he called into the show. First step to healing was seeking help!

[@mosiahrock]

So dope that these comments arent tearing this guy up and are really supportive. There are good people out there ❤ your not alone man. Having a kid is hard and will make you crazy. Important thing is to talk about it and seek help with family. It does get better!

[@SpoopEScary]

I loved my kid the second he came into this world. It lit my world up in a way that was unfathomable. However, I was THIRTY when he was born. I feel for this young man. I can’t imagine having my son at his age, I’m glad I didn’t. I hope he can pull through and learn to balance this lifestyle.

[@kenvr2287]

Listen….mommy’s do most of the work when they are tiny…..as they get older the father has a more active role. Does not mean one person is better than the other and vice versa nor does it mean one parent is better than the other….it’s just the nature of the beast……it’s part of being a human.

[@insulanerin7601]

My husband did everything but (obviously) breastfeeding. It's up to the couple whether "mom does most of the work" or both do it. My father-in-law was soooo good at carrying around our babies so I could eat a meal in peace!

[@marysaltlife1427]

Ken, I tend to agree with you. Dad can certainly help, but momma carried the baby and traditionally is the main caretaker. Some may make other arrangements, but the vast majority will be as claimed.

[@Stephanie-tb5ch]

I’m sitting here feeding my 6 week old while listening to Dr John give some wonderful advice! This is my 3rd and the newborn phase is rough no matter how many times I’ve done this! I can’t even imagine having a baby at 21, God bless this young man for calling in for help. ❤ hang in there love, it gets better!

[@stepturtle103]

Been there big dawg. You’re not alone Jacob. ❤️

[@BuckScrotumn]

Never having kids was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m nearly 32 and don’t have to deal with ANY of this crap. I can’t imagine being 21 with all this weight on my shoulders. I hope everything turns out ok for this poor dude.

[@taylordru7361]

If you’ve never had kids, how do you know it’s the best decision? Based on some people’s struggles?

[@jwise7777]

The first 6 months to a year sucks for everyone. You will get to love him eventually.

[@jonathanj3806]

Someone needs to tell this kid that those first 8 weeks are absolutely the hardest, it really does start getting easier after that, they start to recognise you and get happy when they see you

[@SnowBall-hz6pu]

Actually I hope he does read the comments ...I've read a few and so far they seem to be very supportive. Dr. John....you handled that so well..gave great advice and hopefully did give some peace to this young man. Jacob....first you were so brave to call in!!!! That was the first step...and you did a remarkable job in explaining your situation. I would hope anyone listening to that phone call....if they have a heart at all...they will understand and completely sympathize with you. I'm a 51 year old woman. Got pregnant and had my child by the time I was 21. I fortunately was very lucky in that I bonded with my baby immensely and did not have any type of postpartum. I also worked with children at a daycare so felt very comfortable and confident in my skills. In saying that, first of all...just like Dr John said...this is normal and im sure alot of men go thru this...they just don't have the guts to admit it. Given your situation....young...already married and now a child at the age of 21...wow that's alot to take in as far as changes. I can also imagine maybe you have feelings of missing your old life...where you did not have nearly the responsibilities of what you have on you now. Give yourself some time to mourn over the changes in your life...its ok to miss your old life...and certainly understandable especially considering your age. Also I definately would like to point out...one thing that I have noticed thru my years on this earth....I think alot of people especially women in general expect that the man is sopposed to have the same feelings that a woman has...after the baby is born. That's ultimately ridiculous in my opinion. There is no way possible most men and even relate to how a woman feels during pregnancy and after. The woman carries this child in her womb for 9 months. She mentally, emotionally, and physically connects with the baby and has 9 months to do this. Men are not able to share this experience at all....so we really should take the pressure of men...especially young men at that.....that they automatically be expected to immediately connect with their baby. It takes time to connect emotionally as well as really is helpful for fathers to hold and involved physically with as much care giving right away.... unfortunately it seems more likely that not...men are not given the time as much to do that. It is the moms that breastfeed ...usually do most of the immediate caregivers etc...while the husband usually have to go back to work. And generally more than not..yes the infant is going to prefer mom. That's normal as well...as the baby definately knows the difference between mom and dad. This baby also had time to connect with mom during the 9 months in was in her womb...listening to moms heartbeat...her voice and just ultimately having that bonded connection from the beginning. So Jacob do not at all feel like you are a freak...abnormal...crazy....its ok!!! I can tell just by listening that you are a caring human being. All I can say is...follow Dr. Johns advice go get professional help and maybe try to have family help as well. Just know you are not alone in these feelings..🙂

[@suek7086]

We got married when we were 19. We had our first but the second daughter was the hard one. She stayed in the hospital until she was 10 days. Then she was a difficult baby. The colicky period I wanted to toss her out a window. We loved her but true bonding did not happen at that point. I second John in getting to a doctor. Making this call is a huge step forward. I admire you.

[@ADAWGSLIFE]

Prayers for this young dad! It was very brave to come forward and ask for help before you hear or read about another tragedy on the news…

[@MrFrAnCk83]

I’m so glad I had my kid later in life. I had the chance of being financially stable. I had the tools to work through some really tough times. Because, there was a true moment of bliss when I first met my daughter for the first time. But the delivery ending in an emergency c-section, bliss quickly turned to anxiety. I was left alone with a newborn screaming for her dear life and worries for my partner from which I had no news at all from hospital staff. I have never been so scared and vulnerable in my life. It took work to get back from that low. Looking now, I just can’t picture myself without my daughter. If you ever read this Jacob, hearing you today just relieved me of so much shame. I knew I worked through something, but I never had the guts to talk to anyone about this and now, thanks to you, I will.

[@debbieanderson6740]

Such a young guy. Sounds like he had depression issues prior to baby. Then he said that people said how wonderful the baby will be and he isn't feeling it. Hopefully he takes Dr Ds advice. Go see a Dr Please! Get it sorted out. So glad that he called!

[@debbieanderson6740]

@nix8834 in reality having a new baby is a little scary. But take advantage of help around you. And cut yourself a little slack. It is a new learning experience.

[@miaestelle8612]

As a psychology student I love learning so much

[@R3C_VI]

This guy has more balls and will power than many other people! Big ups to my man for taking the leap and sharing! Hope everything worked out well 💜💚🧡

[@amydoran9987]

It’s a hard adjustment with sleep deprivation and your life changing so fast.

[@skateata1]

I felt this way about a family dog. I never hit him, but I was so mad when he interrupted my life. It was my first dog and I had no idea how much work it was. Thank God my mom and dad helped out. They loved him enough to take over the care duties. My dad became very attached so he did end up with a happy life just not meant to be with me.

[@ramsdankha2174]

I glad he found a way to express his feelings. lot of people hate thier lives but have no way to explain why they do without sounding either evil or lazy we can’t change how we feel just pretend like we don’t feel that way.

[@ryanfork8247]

What a poor guy. I’m 22 and I can’t imagine being 21 with a 8 month old. This guy has no care in the world. He needs real help, not a therapist…. He needs some financial support and a vacation to see what life really is.

[@ravenramsey3115]

"You pick him up and he screams at you!" Good line. It's true. Postpartum depression and postpartum rage are real things. I'm so glad you're reaching out to get help! even as a mom, and one with narcolepsy. It's rough. You want to love this little being so much, but you get nothing in return for a long while.... and then one day that little dude will look at you, and say they love you. Dude even before they can talk, my little guy looks at me and says yeah yeah yeah! And it's like magical

[@txgho634]

Known I was depressed for quit a while. Not everyone experiences symptoms the same. Many factors at play in the causes of it. Recognizing what it is may be a huge part of dealing with it. Processing stresses and trauma may be a root to much of the depression. Missing partner or lacking support or encouragement are also factors. Feels like someone standing on my chest. Sense of short breath. Exhaustion for little reason. Periods or episodes of panic like excitement with the mind racing. That was accompanied by a spike in BP. Caught it at 198/118 on the way down. At rest. Do not ignore it. When you need help with it go talk to the doc and use the tools available.

[@JacobHandle]

The way he answered that initial question so calmly “tell me about it” when most would simply freak out hearing it. Amazing people skills. He gave himself time to think on how to walk through this scary conversation by answering calm and thoughtfully. Given he’s on camera so he has too, but that’s still a skill to keep up.

[@WonderWomanInMichigan]

Brave caller. 🙏 You are just fine. I'm so glad you reached out.

[@jessicacamp22]

He said the hard stuff out loud. Good for you man. The first step is to admit you’re struggling.

[@evansutton6760]

It's hard because your needs are now second to your child's, especially sleep.

[@Skytall]

Brave young man calling to get help. Don’t give up!

[@emilydelafuente2662]

Im 21 now and I cannot even imagine having a newborn and a new husband. That sounds like a phase in my life I’m not ready for. Esp after feeling like I’m barely now getting my footing (even if that). So much sympathy for this man and I pray he finds happiness and peace.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

That baby wasn't planned and he probably never wanted kids in the first place. Now he has a child with a woman he isn't sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with and he misses his freedom. Doesn't have the courage to tell his girlfriend.

[@BG-nm5xt]

Right. He's in shock and it's overwhelming, difficult, depressed.

[@wendybryan6071]

You shouldn't speak for someone else unless you have psychic powers.

[@jamjam1821]

@@wendybryan6071you shouldn’t assume they’re wrong unless YOU have psychic powers either. Let it slide, she’s just speaking her mind the same as we all are.

[@hugthehappygolden]

I'm sending this man so much empathy, I can only imagine how excruciating it is for him to express these feelings. It takes so much strength to be vulnerable. Your son is lucky to have such a self-aware and emotionally intuitive father. Being able to talk about your feelings is a true sign of power.

[@mikaimitchell4274]

I remember how hard it was when we had our baby. Going straight back to work and dreading absolutely everything. You get so loopy, so frustrated and those thoughts really do boil up to the surface. They are just thoughts and you can let them go. It got so much better with a little bit of time. Hope this father finds his way and makes that connection with his little boy. Makes it so much easier.

[@katelynduncan6897]

Your first baby is the hardest because you have no idea what your doing, awake windows, sleeping schedules, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, back to back dr appointments, lack of sleep. It’s brutal. However….you’ll look back one day and realize it was actually the easiest time. The baby stage is a heck of a lot easier than the toddler stage 🥴

[@larisakol]

I disagree. I’ll take the toddler stage where they sleep through the night any day

[@carol-leelane721]

My mom had post partum psychosis with every pregnancy. It was the 1960s and she never hi pt help with it. Three months after her third pregnancy she had herself voluntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital because she was afraid she was going to black out and kill us. It was a hell of a childhood, but I am eternally grateful that she got help when we were at most acute risk. Parenting is complex and triggering. Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for growth.

[@marysaltlife1427]

I feel so sorry for this guy. I'm glad he reached out to Dr. Deloney. Depression hijacks every feeling you could experience. It leaves trash in its wake. There can be light at the end of that long tunnel, but you must pursue it relentlessly. GOD bless you, caller--may you find peace and love again.

[@williamvigneault1888]

The strength he showed to reach out like this makes me think he’ll have no issue in the future. That first step he took is the hardest and I applaud him for it and do believe his wife and kid will benefit from it along with himself.

[@TheMonsterKid94]

i felt the same way, it gets better man. i ran on empty for a couple of years before i realized the beauty in it all. my little one is 8 now and the most beautiful thing on the planet. so sweet, caring, and loving. id do anything for her. to protect her and keep that innocence

[@thomasdoyle9748]

Had complications after delivery so my husband had to jump in and take care of my son. It helped them bond. Good that this father called for help.

[@mathewelledge6649]

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. As a father I had to adjust. I basically just didn’t hold my kids that much until they got to an age where they started to laugh and smile and react to me. While they were breastfeeding I felt especially distant from them because my wife didn’t make enough milk to pump where I could help at all. As they grow, they grown on you.

[@bekahdoug5572]

He doesn't hate his kid, he resents him for being such a huge responsibility. As the mother of 5, I van TOTALLY relate.

[@Papigeoh]

I think is pretty Common to go thru that because ived been there myself it’s not cool to be in that situation but I’m glad I got out from that dark place with the help of therapy,and GOD .may the lord helps this guy 🙏🏻

[@angel44starseed]

If he was depressed since childhood , the trauma of adjusting to a newborn sent him in a spiral of a deeper depression. He needs help

[@shannonvalentina4860]

Aw, all the comments are actually so lovely and supportive 🥰

[@AlisaKovanko-jb6hy]

Man, "I might just drop you and go back to sleep 😂😂😂". It is so courageous to admit you're struggling and ask for help. Especially in the topic of children (never ever dare to not be anything except grateful for having children, unacceptable and so on..) Your wife and kid are lucky to have you. Really. You're so amazing for calling and asking for help. That's strong. Hope you'll get help you need and feel better soon.

[@xixizizi6970]

This young man is a fantastic father ! Do you even have any idea how many fathers across the globe dont recognise this feeling or brush it off but think are okay. ..but tey are not. They hate tgeir familes , their children and thier family hates them cause they are unlikable. This direction is the right direction and as an psychologist this is beautiful and wonderful. I am so happy for this young man. Even if the road ahead is not so smooth, you are already headed in the right direction. So dont beat yourself up. You are wonderful and you will be a great father for your son. ❤

[@BigTimeSound]

The crack in his voice when he asked, “then why do I feel so bad?” Broke me

[@carmencarmen9489]

Idk but when I had a baby I mentally prepared myself for a whole year. I knew the baby would need my attention 100%. Now I totally thank my husband for his support. I remember feeding the baby every two hours because all the baby really wanted was milk and a change of diapers. Oof and teething was fun lol but it’s so worth it. Bonding is so important between 0-5 yrs and that’s a crucial foundation in a persons life. I hope he gets help and I pray the baby has healthy parents so he doesn’t suffer depression as a teen :(

[@mrsquare5671]

I’m 22, a fresh father to a beautiful 11 month old boy, I wouldn’t change it for the word but I’ve been struggling a lot with frustrations turning to anger over seemingly nothing and I’m up at 4:50 am hiding in the toilet bc he just went back to sleep and another Jacob, fresh father, on the other side of the world, comes onto my TikTok and here I am now watching this, somewhat feeling less alone in this, thankyou gentlemen.. truly

[@sethmacdougall2565]

i had a feeling he’d be wrong about the comments. people make fun of others for trivial things but i always find that when the subject is deeply important people of all races can humble up and offer help/respect and this was one of those moments.

[@taylordru7361]

I’m excited to have my first in a couple of months but I’d like to think I’m more prepared at 28, than I would have been at 21. That is crazy young.

[@JDD3III]

God taught me that fellowshipping with other people is a need and a must it’s always good to have a ear that you can genuinely talk to , hope everything is going well with him prayers brother .