I Cross-Dress in Secret (Tell My Friends?)

[@kellylott9296]

I love that this guy told his wife and was totally honest with her. *Love* *it* *!*

[@FlappyBelly]

Gross.

[@beanybabyrabie]

Hopefully she moves accordingly.

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

Cross-dressing is a fettish. It's not something that any woman should have to accept about her husband.

[@sonyau2682]

@@FlappyBellyI feel sad for you dear

[@Sanji_Vinsmoke_69]

@@sonyau2682 Nah he's right. Its gross.

[@vickyschaffner2672]

Thank you for being kind and compassionate to people's pain and trauma. For being safe.

[@elleb1326]

It's JUST CLOTHES! Why can't people chillout and mind their own business and live their own lives. Matt sounds like a wonderful person and great friend.

[@beanybabyrabie]

It’s a fetish.

[@solgonzalez3936]

And he talks so beautiful, kind, educated... I got to love him. ❤

[@upsbabygirl18]

Apparently it’s not just clothes if it means so much to him and he attaches an identity to it. That’s a very simplistic view to have when you are sitting on this side. It’s like you loaning money to someone and when you keep mentioning for them to give you back the money they keep saying “ omg it’s just money” or “ you care that much about cash and not our relationship”.

[@marmar90000]

Just to make sure this tidbit doesn't get lost: The caller also mentioned that it has something to do with gender identity, so it's not just a matter of clothing, but also a matter of *becoming* a woman. The caller had just come out of an electrolysis appointment... So it's not "just" about clothes.

[@kathymccarthy5264]

I don't understand how the wife can be okay with this. He might be a great person but that doesn't mean there aren't issues. What if he decides to transition? A straight woman wants a straight man....

[@mimimonster]

Wow! I think this caller was more vulnerable than any caller I’ve heard yet. I admire his bravery.

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

My ex cross dressed and I loved it.

[@elizabethmalone6379]

I agree, and my heart goes out to him. Wishing him the best life to come.

[@ILLWill1027]

@@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf😂😂

[@delightschwartz2155]

One of my friends cross dressed and had a job managing a shoe store. We'd shop for shoes and swimsuits together. Great guy. I hope he's ok.

[@murob2347]

I do, too

[@teat301]

He is married to an absolutely phenomenal woman. Wow!

[@KiyahPerry]

Absolutely. A pure ray of light in a dark and vulnerable situation.

[@Paradoxology17]

Dr. John this is phenomenal. I so appreciate the way you handled this caller. You're setting a great example.

[@Redvesta111]

This guy sounds funny and like a nice guy, who needs to see that is what he is and never let another person mistreat him again.

[@JONAC-CANOJ]

I couldn’t agree more. He’s taking on a burden of shame that is not his to own.

[@sarahp.4340]

Thank you, Matt for being brave, vulnerable and yourself!

[@markthompson180]

Matt - if it makes you happy and it doesn't hurt anybody else, it's nobody else's business to judge you, and I wish you happiness.

[@mv7374]

The fact that his former “friends” wanted to physically assault him….I know you miss their companionship but you’re better off without those vile ppl in your life

[@FlappyBelly]

I don't think so...like he was saying that he was always afraid of being physically assaulted...of all the trans people out there...assaults are an extremely tiny chance...these people WANT to think it will happen to him...victim mentality. He may have interpreted "Hey man, I'm not cool with this." As if he said I'm going to kick your ass...its wrong and happens all the time. These victim people think words are violence AND silence is violence. Ridiculous

[@emalienoel7891]

@@FlappyBelly the caller literally said he was threatened with physical violence by the friend

[@FlappyBelly]

@@emalienoel7891 Yes I know he said that. He said he was also scared to go outside because of the threat of physical violence. He thinks there is a boogey man out to get him (because inside of himself he knows what he is doing is disordered). People like this think a sideways glance is violence.

[@AshleyLebedev]

@@FlappyBelly you need to relisten to call. He said at a party his friend threatened him with physical violence and he looked them in the eye and stayed through it. Physical violence. He didn’t say we got into a fight. He didn’t say they called me names. He didn’t say they told him he was bad. He said he was at a party and his friends at the party threatened him with physical violence. While I agree many people in the LGBTQ abcdefghijk ++++ community do (I very much agree) look for the boogeyman in many situations in which there isn’t one, this man seems to have said he was physically threatened, don’t be so dang judge mental on the internet out of your own frustration. Resist the urge.

[@bl2528]

@@FlappyBelly wow someone likes to downplay a victim’s side much

[@katwilliams2950]

I'm shocked that his friends and or family all called him a liar..... He doesn't have to tell them everything... Be honored that he thought you were worthy of telling. You don't have to agree, but dag.... It's something he does on his own. He's not forcing you to do it

[@djliamofficialpage]

He should be encouraged to go out and find his tribe...he's not alone and there are tons of people just like him...I hope he finds happiness away from his closed minded friends

[@LReno-di9cm]

Be careful who you vent to...

[@markthompson180]

In reality, his "friends' weren't mad that he "lied" to them. They were mad that he told them the truth about himself and they weren't able to accept that truth, so they made up another explanation that appeared to allow them a "justifiable" excuse to exclude him from their group. TBH, it sounds like OP had a suspicion that this group were narrow minded, like their casual use of homophobic slurs would indicate, so "losing" this friendship group shouldn't come as much of a surprise to him.

[@momkatmax]

Frankly, it's better you don't tell your family and friends everything. Facebook intimate confessions for example stay forever.

[@leejeffers1240]

I feel really heartbroken for this guy. I cannot imagine the emotional pain and anguish. He is very brave to call into the show for advice. My thoughts and prayers are with this man.

[@amynelson1787]

Way to go Dr. John. I’m so happy you started right out being caring and non judgmental. How much better this world would be if we would all simply be kind.

[@montymython754]

Kind does not mean you have to lie to someone and enable their delusions.

[@solgonzalez3936]

I have learned lots of kinds, respectful, effective and assertive communication skills with this Dr. 😂 I admire him.

[@willow6726]

I would love to just give you a hug, Matt. You are worthy of peace and love. You have so much to offer. Thank you for your bravery! Sending you love and light. Great job Dr. John!

[@pamelatd]

@@ChickFilA_Sauce I'm confused where he said it was a fetish? He didn't say he was sexually aroused by cross dressing.

[@user-if4ke6en9r]

@@pamelatd you’re not a biological man and dress up as a woman for anything other than sexual gratification. How exactly is it therapeutic to pretend to be a woman? Because it’s not, it’s a fetish.

[@melissam7067]

Thank you Matt for sharing your story.

[@ericacole7102]

I wish he could find a large circle of friends that can support him. He seems like a really great person and look forward to him feeling completely free.

[@kcourtney6826]

I don’t know much about cross dressing, but I find it interesting as a woman a man would find comfort in wearing heels, stockings, skirts, and underwear when most women can’t wait to get that stuff off after a long day!

[@PhilipMarcYT]

Mentally unstable men are replacing women across the board and you find it "interesting"? Okay.

[@Originalman144]

He’s not finding comfort. His spirit is corrupted and damaged because of the trauma he mentioned at the beginning of the call which he has never healed from or overcame. Dr John did this make a grave disservice by not getting to the root of the problem and asking more questions. This fake caring band-aid therapy stuff is not it.

[@X99-h6r]

Those things to man are like wearing armor that increase your value and status. Most men now like myself see ourselves as trash and human garbage. Society has beat white men like me into the dirt so much that being a man is like a turd stuck to the toilet. Wearing those things gives gives a man self esteem confidence and pleasure and pride of being a superior creature. We wish a genie would grant our wish by wish or some force and make a creature that has value and purpose. Men have no beauty or legance. We are ugly disgusting things.

[@X99-h6r]

Women have access to some of the most amazing clothing and complain about wearing it 😂. Men have no self expression anymore or anything in that area . Being a man is living as such an ugly undesirable creature. Many men would make fantastic feminine women. Sis women don't act or do anything feminine anymore. The hunger for femininity and beauty stays with a man his whole life unfulfilled. Women have freedom to dress like they want and act in ways that would get a man a life prison sentence. If this guy's GF or wife gave him the emotional fulfillment he needs the hunger he has for this stuff would go away.

[@beng4647]

It is beyond weird. Feet sniffer weird.

[@andyhuber]

This call makes me appreciate Dr. Delony so much!

[@Originalman144]

Are you also cross dressing Andy? Just be honest. Wearing panties to work while your wife’s boyfriend does plumbing work?

[@2dodger2]

Why?

[@kathyalex778]

If anyone was wondering, the test mentioned around 4 minutes is called the spcc aces test

[@davisholman8149]

Thank you.

[@talyahr3302]

Yeah. Or just the ACES test for short. Which measures childhood trauma.

[@plant495]

Thank you. I was wondering about that. Is it available free online, or do you have to pay a specialist to administer it, please?

[@Thick_Vanilla95]

I was a 9. This is the first time I hear him say that about you can be fine losing family but you don’t want to lose friends and that hit home 100 percent

[@thejoyjones_actor]

@@plant495It’s 100% free online. Search for ACES test. It’s a simple, self-administered questionnaire.

[@BeStillNow]

Matt, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You are tremendously courageous and true to yourself; go live your best life!!!!

[@Selfemployedmildautisticperfor]

Relate and yes and not just his dads friends to him but also to caller sadly

[@tjmichael8773]

I'm gay and lied to myself and about myself during the 80s and 90s. It's ok to be the person you are. i have had friends and relationships that are no more and found new beautiful ones including the relationship with myself.

[@johnchukwu2697]

Sending you light and love

[@nme.00104]

💖💞🩷💕💝🫶😊🥰☺️😍

[@tammylewis9324]

The boy I loved from 4th grade until after graduation turned out to be gay. I loved everything about him. His looks, his personality, etc. I haven’t seen this person in 35ish years. If I saw him I would hug him and tell him I love him. He was a phenomenal person then and can’t imagine him being any different now.

[@FilmMavericks]

If you listen near the end when John tells him it’s not who he is, it’s something that calms his anxiety the man agrees saying “I believe that.” We are not defined by what we do when we face anxiety. This was such a beautiful conversation.

[@user-rw4xi8sm8h]

​@tammylewis9324 if I found out that a friend that I used to hang out with and love was gay or bisexuality, I don't know if I could live with myself. I had a friend that treated me like a bro for the first time in my life. We had so much in common and he was such an attractive guy. There's obviously more to this story, but I wanted to be with him so bad that it drove me mad. We are no longer friends, but I think about him every so often.

[@disavvynurse8858]

Loved how Dr. John handled this call. Who are we to decide what people wear. It’s literally just clothes. I hope he finds peace.

[@Originalman144]

Nonsense. It’s not “just clothes” - clothes carry centuries of tradition, meaning, definition, safety, and power. If it’s “just clothes” go walk around butt naked in the worst part of Los Angeles for a day and see how that goes for you.

[@jes6161]

If it was just clothes, would you have that opinion if your SO dressed in a way that was opposite of their original gender presentation? No, it's not 'just clothes'. Personally, I sure wouldn't want to be involved with a man that dressed in women's clothing.

[@Demiligne]

+ *Trevon* I think the point is that, while society does read more into it as you say, they are just clothes. He wears the clothes he likes because that's his preference.

[@Lemarcus03]

​@@jes6161jeez, he's not married to you. But such a strong reaction to something that affects none of us?

[@grandmaoldschool7011]

And, consider his child begging him to attend the PTA meeting dressed as a man.

[@elizabethbrown5289]

Thank you, Matt, for sharing. I am sorry your "friends" are such reprehensible people. You deserve better.

[@cc3]

Im a deeply closeted heteroromantic bisexual who cross dresses (i know its a mouthful, i don't use those as my pronouns or anything). I feel absolutely no shame in suppressing this side of my life as I view it as more of a kink than anything else. I know this guys situation is different but if he gained pleasure in cross dressing in private then it really isn't anyone elses buiseness (aside from maybe his wife). That being said, any friend who is willing to turn their back on someone for something as insignificant as a bit of fabric is no true friend.

[@GameTime-yj6qv]

I agree. I kept thinking that if he finds pleasure in dressing as a woman at home, it's no one's business, no one had to know. Everyone does odd things that are kept in private. But it seems the caller wants people around him to know and accept that he likes to dress as a woman. I wonder if he wants to become a woman.

[@jackdanielson1997]

Exactly, thanks for sharing. It’s concerning when people want to unload their kinks onto others to free themselves of the weight when it makes those people feel extremely uncomfortable and uneasy to have to bear that knowledge of someone else

[@jamiepentz4682]

My parents were disappointed that I wasn't born a boy, and unfortunately, I tried filling that role. Always got more boy toys than my sister. Was put on hard labor jobs even though i'm petite. Understanding oneself is the best way for healthy healing. Knowing others' stupid expectations is always great. Much love bother for your truth.

[@Jim-re2fq]

Thank you Matt for calling in the show it takes a lot be who you want to be keep up good work / I have to say I am in the same way what you believe in its all good

[@I_dont_know_you684]

John I'm the biggest fan I'm 15 and I'm listening to your show already for almost a year I'm a big fan keep it up hope one day to meet you

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

Wow, this was a wonderful conversation - just so kind and loving. This guy is so articulate.

[@Originalman144]

He’s not articulate, he’s sick.

[@butterflybreath75]

Dr. John, I LOVE that you approached this caller with compassion and love, and not judgement. My current boyfriend cross-dresses, and it's one of the things I love about him. He told me about it at our very first conversation. It creates a sense of freedom that I've not felt in other relationships. He also has a history of abuse, and although he doesn't see it as having been traumatizing, I do think it has had an effect on his sexuality. This subject is so psychologically fascinating if you ask me. I feel bad for men because if they have any bit of curiosity about women's clothing/cosmetics/products, they are automatically put in this category and judged so harshly, much more harshly than a woman would be who dresses like a man.

[@dakotaflower5926]

I am so sorry to hear that your friends treated you this way… I couldn’t imagine. I tend to be conservative, very strong in my faith, very committed to my family/friends/community…. I could never imagine treating another person with such disrespect as your “friends” did. Wishing you and your family the best of luck with the beautiful life you and your wife have created.

[@pbj0815]

My heart broke for him when he said he stayed at that wedding when he was threatened with violence. If I was his wife, I would’ve gone to jail.

[@johnlocke7816]

This might be his greatest call ever. Incredible

[@ekaski1]

What an impressive show of integrity by Dr. Delony. I know his audience is mostly conservative Christian Americans. It would have been easy to pander to his audience or to simply not take this call at all. Im glad that Dr. Delony specifically said cross-dressing by itself isn't a mental illness, not just because that is in line with current best practices but because its important to not make this a conservative vs liberal argument.

[@sarahshanahan2222]

100% this John Is truly a great man of integrity A rare breed

[@kellyeverett]

How do you know most of his audience is Christian?

[@Neonseasnake]

​​​@@kellyeveretthey I'm not Christian nor American but I just can tell that this content isn't that big in the queer community... It just feels like something right leaning people and or conservatives would watch Edit: i also noticed after going through the majority of the comments that there's little to no arguments between leftist and conservatives it's mostly just the latter making harsh comments and talking nonsense which just proves that majority of this shows audience are conservatives

[@saintsalieri]

I do kinda feel like he led the caller away from a transgender interpretation of his behavior toward it just being a stress relieving activity. I'm not sure that's how the caller presented it off the bat and it was presumptuous to kind of voice that interpretation as if it the most reasonable or plausible one.

[@Redvesta111]

I’m def not one but in Europe and love him and the others around him. You don’t need to be Christian to have similar or almost the same values. I sent my children to a Christian school here, but I wasn’t brought up believeing so I just don’t and can’t change that.

[@tatianaallen913]

Rebuild your life with people who respect you and love you. But also accept you because respect doesn’t mean acceptance.

[@britneyog9537]

I'm so proud of this gentleman. So, so proud. And, I'm so proud of how Dr. John dealt with this caller. ❤

[@2dodger2]

Why?

[@habibisworld2767]

Im not a crossdresser but hearing Matt's pain hit me like a punch in the gut. I hope he has done better since this call. I applaud Dr John for being so kind and compassionate.

[@northlakeghost]

Oh, man - just wanna invite this dude and his wife to LA to hang out. Me and my friends DGAF - you're not hurting anyone, Matt. Hope you can find spaces where you can be yourself as you see fit.

[@edminaliutke1110]

This was a masterclass of how to speak and guide a person through such situation. My heart aches for the caller.

[@ricklancaster6697]

I'm crying right now this hit me so hard. I am known as a Great Dad, Husband and Friend but I Hate myself for being a Cross dresser in Private. I have tried to stop it, but I just can't. I don't do it for any sexual release. It just makes me Happy and content and pretty.

[@magdalena-dr8rk]

It is not easy to reconcile the two natures in yourself, there are no 100 percent men....to only ideal ideas. You are unique you have two natures in you, you can feel all the diversity of nature, reconcile with yourself, no one will be happy for you only you can check that it will be so. You have to remember that you're only doing this for yourself, to make you happy. Most people won't understand this, but really no one cares anyway. The question remains whether to tell your loved ones about it or hide it, here there is no simple answer.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

It's just clothing. It's really not anything to get worked up about. It's normal to find different emotional and mental states in different clothing. I'm an actor with years of training and it's a well known thing in the theatre world, costumes change everything. It's like stepping out of yourself and into someone else. How we carry ourselves and see ourselves transforms. Humans innately want to play and try different things. Don't be so hard on yourself. Go take an acting class. It's just clothes.

[@maryboyle6562]

You should get into therapy to treat your addiction and find some friends who you can be honest with that will help hold you accountable and love you and help you combat your addiction.

[@suen5006]

You are ok, just the way you are. There's nothing wrong with it for whatever reason you do it.

[@roadrunner9622]

Now to learn that society -- not you -- was the wrong one all along. There was nothing wrong with you.

[@Eva-xc8oq]

Open honest conversations are key to inner peace. It’s awesome this guy has a wife that isn’t suppressing him.

[@juicysmith38235]

Several yrs ago when I was a waitress I waited on a middle aged man dressed as a woman. I asked how their day was & they confinded in me that they only dressed like this on the other side of town so their family wouldn't know. It was heartbreaking, told them they were beautiful & I hope they have a lovely day 💕 I pray that kind person found their peace, still leaves me teary eyed

[@FlappyBelly]

And if he had a 10 year old touching her leg...and said he only does this on the other side of the town would that be heartbreaking?

[@l-train7876]

@@FlappyBelly you’re comparing pedophilia to cross dressing?

[@ekaski1]

​@@FlappyBelly huh? What 10 year old?

[@Originalman144]

😂😂 So in other words, you did not tell him the truth and played along in his delusions and sickness. You’re an enabler. No different than giving an addict a hit.

[@Demiligne]

+ *Oliver* That's a low comparison to make.

[@northlakeghost]

very compassionate response from dr. john, love it

[@Puffermom]

I think we should also be having conversations about Autogynaphiles like the caller in this. This person most likely isn’t trans, but is an autogynaphile. It’s someone who is sexually attracted to themselves dressed and roleplaying as the opposite gender. A lot of these men that crossdress are not transgenders but autogynaphiles. It’s a separate thing entirely from Transgender Persons. And it’s not being talked about enough. Being a woman or a transwoman is a lot more than just “wearing panties or feminine clothes.” Or being emotional.

[@strawberrykatnz]

Not necessarily. I think the crux of this is he doesn't feel accepted for who he is as a person and his friends ganging up on him reaffirmed in his mind that he's not worthy of acceptance thus he has not accepted who he is. I actually read some research on crossdressers, most are heterosexual men, many do it because they feel women get more options for outward self expression and men are pinned into a set box with limited options comparatively. A large proportion of them do it because they lack female presence in their daily lives consistently and they're feeling an imbalance in their environment because all of their siblings, friend etc are mostly one gender. I went into crossdressing chat forums online and looked up academic research because I was so curious. You might be right in the case of some, but I don't think he's sexually attracted to himself. I think his external environment has reaffirmed how he feels about himself and I feel really bad for him. I hope he learns to not care what others think of him with time and therapy.

[@solgonzalez3936]

Learning from you too. 👍

[@scarba]

A lot develop gender dysphoria in their 50s or younger after a lifetime of this and become consumed by the female identity and prefer to transition. It’s a spectrum just like with everything in life. They say that actually the majority of transgender women are autogynephiles but don’t know they are because they are told they are something else by queer theory. Phil Illy wrote a book about this as he is autogynophile himself and takes a very scientific approach to it. He has a KZbin channel as well.

[@Puffermom]

@@scarba Very very well put. I will read the book!

[@jaredgreen2363]

No. Autogynephilia is a term invented as a means to deny that anyone is really trans. Yes it is possible, common even for a trans person to be aroused at the prospect of transitioning, right up until it happens, but the dysphoria is always prior to that. But also, this person is neither. He is, just given what he said, more of a ‘transvestite’ rather than a trans woman. I know, it’s an old word that’s out of favor and easily misinterpreted, and I’m only using it for lack of a better one. Specifically it’s not clear whether there is any sexual component in his habits.

[@AbsoluteZeroComputerRepairandR]

This poor guy, he so deserves way better friends. A true friend does not throw away years of friendship. I am betting if Matt looks back at his friendships he probably always gave more to his friends then he received. Let those friendships go Matt, there are a lot of other people out there who would be happy to be your friend.

[@LordWalsallian]

This Matt sounds like a beautiful soul. You do you buddy. People will hate because hate is a cage, as if fear.

[@cathyosullivan718]

It’s people’s business if they want to cross dress. The desire must be so strong if some people risk getting abused for doing so. I just think there are so many real problems in the world- war, poverty etc. Why be concerned about what someone else chooses to wear?

[@texan903]

Judging comes easily and naturally to the self-righteous, sanctimonious people who struggle with things themselves that others don't know about. It's sad.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

I agree it's their business and not the worst thing we need to be worried about, and for all his torment and trauma this man has less wrong with him than the supposed friends who shamed and abandoned him. However, it's also pretty obvious that these things can be manifestations of trauma and internal turmoil, just as more obvious self harm, depression, delusion or suicide can be. So I would warn against both extremes - judgmental rejection, and enabling or encouraging a person to just accept a half-healed result too. Time and therapy will tell what his truest and most loving self expresses as if he seeks that, as we all should.

[@karenkramer3760]

So what if you cross dress. You're not hurting anyone.

[@andreanease4215]

I have a different take than most. This man is obviously hurting from trauma. But I feel like he doesn’t love himself because of that trauma and the cross dressing is an escape to fantasy- which is a characteristic of complex trauma- or a way to isolate himself to keep himself safe, or a way to hurt himself (the physical pain from hair removal, expecting violence against himself, or a combination of all of the above. He needs to love that traumatized little boy. He’s suppressing his true self with the cross dressing. Having a high aces score myself (7-8) I also wonder if there were girls in the home that were treated differently and/or other things with sexual trauma that made him hate his own body. I hope he can overcome all of his trauma. It’s hard.

[@talyahr3302]

You're doing that thing John mentioned when you make up a story in your head. Cross dressing isn't a trauma response. Trauma responses transcend culture and time. Many years ago men wore heels and wigs. Men in Scotland wear skirts. Style of clothing that one prefers and finds comforting is completely personal and similar to what food a person finds good. You don't control what food you like but it can be influenced by the foods you ate when growing up, but not entirely determined by that. Saying what food you like is a trauma response is a good comparison for how ridiculous it sounds to think either of those things to those who have had trauma training (my degree is in Psychology).

[@andreanease4215]

@@talyahr3302 cultural norms regarding style such as wigs or kilts is not a valid argument. That is what was viewed as masculine at the time. They weren’t trying to dress in a way that represented the other gender. They were men wearing what men were supposed to wear as culturally acceptable at the time. Also, the idea that we must give in to everything we like or enjoy is not valid. Many people like gambling or drinking alcohol or risky sexual practices- all things that cal be destructive. We should jot give in to every temptation. That is encouraging someone to be weak and saying they aren’t strong enough to resist and do the right thing for themselves.

[@andreanease4215]

@@talyahr3302 I also went to college for psychology education. And why is it ok for John to have a story he makes up but not others? He’s not always right. He admits as much. A degree doesn’t mean anything. Life experience can garner wisdom. Often having a degree just means you were obedient and good and doing what you’re told.

[@roadrunner9622]

I agree with this comment. He shouldn't be rejected due to his cross-dressing, but we also don't have to go to the other extreme: a patronizing approval of anything and everything he chooses to do. The fact is, his childhood trauma remains unresolved, and that is what perpetuates this *compulsive* behavior. Now, if this behavior is pretty much harmless, and it's his only way to soothe and cope, then it may be the best course of action for him. Especially if he can't ever find a way to resolve the old trauma. But it's still a psychological mechanism, not a fundamental part of his nature.

[@roadrunner9622]

​@talyahr3302 The caller clearly draws the connection himself between his trauma and his *compulsion* to cross-dress. And similarities between men's historical fashion, and women's current fashion, are not really relevant. Caller is driven to wear women's clothing BECAUSE it is "for women." He doesn't just randomly like the colors and shapes the same way I randomly happen to like the taste of onions. Also please read my other comment in this thread.

[@BeardedMattOutdoors]

Oh my God Dr. John, I relate whole heartedly with Matt. I want to give him a hug and shake your hand Dr. John. This was so moving for me and my situation.

[@TwilightZone96761]

Thank you for sharing this!! So important to humanize this situation in these crazy times!💙💙💙

[@pamelatd]

So glad he has a supportive wife!

[@nonosfavorites]

I’m sorry but I would just freak out if my husband wanted to wear skirts. I would encourage him to get counseling. I don’t think it’s brave of her either. The brave thing to do would be to make sure he’s getting help.

[@pamelatd]

@@nonosfavorites good for you. I'm glad his wife is supportive. Idk why people get so hung up on clothes. I wear pants and no one freaks out about that. Just let people dress how they want.

[@nonosfavorites]

@@pamelatd I think the idea of living with a man who wears women’s underwear, makeup and skirts is all dandy….until it happens to you. So good for his wife, albeit she must be weird also. But don’t pretend that you’d be okay with it. It’s okay to say, even in 2023, and with all the virtue signaling and social pressure we should still be honest.

[@pamelatd]

@@nonosfavorites interesting that you think you know me better than I know me, but okay.

[@user-if4ke6en9r]

@@pamelatd so you’d be okay with your husband sporting a full beard and hairy arms and legs while strutting around town in stilettos and a mini skirt? Okay😂

[@noRanchnoService]

I crossdress in private and wish I had friends or people around me that supported me.

[@hersheyskwertz9315]

lets be clear, i only clicked on this video because i was genuinely interested in how Dr. John would handle this kind of conversation.

[@droptozro]

yeah me too. I still think if the guy was drinking a 12 pack every night to release anxiety, or smoking crack every weekend---he'd have given different advice.

[@mariap7671]

I wonder how Dave would handle it

[@Yessssz]

Same. Impressed

[@carrieschnug9830]

Doc! I love that you just talk with people. No judgement or shock… but curious and helpful. Love that! As a Christian, I may not agree with everything g people do… but… I know people have hurt and need help and love. That’s the person I want to be for others! Understanding and love. Beautifully done

[@Mmmmkaaay]

I'm a woman who wears pants and button down shirts in public. How sad that men wearing women's clothes is considered wrong. It's almost as if being a woman is intrinsically bad and humiliating.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Anything that is rooted in trauma is not functional. Did you miss the part of the call where he said that he knows he's doing this because of some major childhood issues? You are comparing and projecting two different situations.

[@Mmmmkaaay]

@@Veracityseeker7 Everything we do as adults is rooted in how we were raised. For better or for worse. I think there's a hell of a lot worse things a human being can do than dressing in the clothes of another gender. Why can't people just do what they want if it's not hurting anyone? The only reason why he's ashamed of it is because other human beings have told him that it's shameful. But that doesn't mean that it's true.

[@GameTime-yj6qv]

Being a woman is not intrinsically bad and humiliating. But a man dressing like a woman is violating societal norms so it will get stares from people. If I tattoo my entire face blue, I'm not hurting anyone, but it will also cause people to wonder if anything is wrong with me and stare.

[@zachjones2346]

@@Veracityseeker7 I have no trauma in my life. Best, loving parent ever. I like cross dressing too. Disorders are not always triggered by trauma. This is the part YOU are missing.

[@2dodger2]

Everyone experiences trauma as children in one way or another, and the results make us wonderfully different

[@thes0mething]

Matt, I just want to give you a hug❤️ I hope you've found more peace within yourself since this video came out. Those old "friends" were idiots

[@christinapearson4287]

Go for it. Women’s clothing is very comfortable.

[@jking5772]

This dr. john guy is pretty amazing. Very good therapist. This situation is extremely sad and I can imagine the anxiety. This guy must be feeling for his entire life.

[@Because223]

I don’t understand why people are persecuted for their attempts to just feel comfortable in they’re own skin it just doesn’t make sense physical violence is never justified it’s ignorance and closed mindedness that has allowed society to be manipulated

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

He's so sad it's heartbreaking, I pray that Matt finds happiness and peace.

[@sarc951]

I feel sorry for your friends who no longer have a wonderful person like you in their life. Their loss, I long for beautiful friends like you.

[@user-lu9hq6jv4v]

Right?! This guy, sounds so kind!

[@montymython754]

@@user-lu9hq6jv4vhe sounds like a narcissist who spends all his time feeling sorry for himself and obsessing over his feelings and traumas.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@@montymython754Of course!...🙄

[@edwardnashen5960]

John, excellent. Your compassion and kindness are priceless.

[@khaleelorwhatever]

Wow. I'm speechless. Amazing way Dr. John took care of this. Almost brought me to tears.

[@davisholman8149]

He also knows that Salt Lake City is SUPER religious & this guy would never be accepted if he is LDS - he might end up beaten & rejected for real.

[@davisholman8149]

OK - he has been rejected. Real nice Christians, huh?😈

[@duvessa2003]

This is one call John handled amazingly!

[@radioheadfanlove]

Dr. John is masterful. 💙 What a beautiful conversation this was. Wishing Matt true peace and love. 🙏🏼

[@TheElleHollywood]

We love Matt and we accept Matt for who they really are. They are brave and kind and intelligent and we're always here for Matt.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Salt Lake City is such a challenging place to feel free to self Express even if it's an expression of Anxiety Relief I would think New York City would be more accepting but I also know that it's person-to-person. I'm so glad that Matt has such a great wife and support system and hopefully with the foundation of love that it already has for his in-laws they can have a conversation that is open on going around what he and his wife will and will not accept and what they will expect from her parents in order to maintain relationship that is healthy and free for everyone

[@momkatmax]

This man is likely the kind of friend who would go to the ends of the Earth for a friend.

[@ChristianOne]

Many years ago, when I was dating , a guy approached me and soon afterwards, he told me he liked to wear some women's clothes. I had no idea what he was talking about but I didn't care what clothes people like to wear at their own home so I was very open, kind, and accepting about it. Almost immediately, I guess he took that as a green light to start sharing his fantasies and kinks about the clothing and how that would play into our hypothetical future together. That is when I realized that cross dressing is about WAY more than picking out a sweater from the women's section. I knew that I was the WRONG person to go forward with him as I did not share any connection with this fetish or with the traumas that simply MUST be connected to it. This has ROOTS to some unusual and unnerving things that have NOTHING to do with clothes. He deeply creeped me out actually and not because of any association with femininity but to the creepy kink behind it all that felt, frankly, demonic. I wondered if he had been tramatized sexually by his father or something because of the strange way his whole sexuality was twisted. But anyway, I am not a therapist and I had no idea how to view him or assist him so I just backed away.

[@quantum_beeb]

Whenever he says “taking a call from X from Salt Lake City” lol

[@ndgrandma1818]

I think we affirm behavior that is not normal instead of getting to the root of it. Matt’s cross dressing doesn’t hurt anyone and seems hatmless, but I think he’s anxious because deep in his soul he has a lot of trauma that needs healing. He needs to get to the root cause and work on the trauma issues. I pray he gets that kind of help. He sounds like an awesome guy that’s carrying a weight that is crushing him. 😢🙏🏻

[@roboticzamat]

Women wear 'mens' clothes, so let men wear 'womens' clothes. It's literally just clothes! People are more important than clothes! Your wife is a wonderful person and so are you, caller! This call madw me cry. Good luck!!!!!! ❤

[@Tylervrooman]

Those weren't your friends... If one of my guy friends said "I'm a crossdresser". I'd be like... Cool. That's it. It literally ends there.

[@paulkersey7458]

Friend: I’m a pervert You: cool!

[@Tylervrooman]

@@paulkersey7458 If they are being perverse in their own house and not victimizing anyone I see no issues. What about it bothers you Paul?

[@paulkersey7458]

@@Tylervrooman well, I happen to believe that it is harmful to one’s mind, body and soul to engage in perversion. Should we just allow anorexic people to starve themselves to death and people to cut off their balls? Stop the moral relativism and be an adult.

[@eclecticandeccentric6001]

​@@paulkersey7458How is crossdressing the same as being a pervert? Exactly who is being hurt.

[@adamschroeder5842]

Jesus Christ, John Delony is amazing at what he does... he pretty much summed up this poor guy's issue in 13 seconds.

[@Eric_nail]

For myself, crossdressing is a little odd. I'm far more self confident feminine presenting. I like the way i look, and it expressed a side of me that i don't get an outlet for. it's not about anxiety relief. it's just squarely i love the way i look and it makes me happy.

[@Alex-mj5dv]

You’d be surprised how many men do it. When women do it it’s labelled ‘positive androgyny’ and fashionable! It’s sometimes deep seated insecurities, it’s sometimes just more of a surface level sexual kink… being ‘seen’ as the very gender you’re attracted to. We could peel back for hours why Eddie Izzard began to lean into it more and more as a crutch for his onstage persona that became his reality off stage .. but hey, well done Matt. It’s hard. If friends won’t accept you, swallow that, draw a line under it and find those that will. With open minds and hearts. They are out there. Peace man ✌️

[@kissed_by_sunshine_10]

Sometimes, relationships need to end. If your morals or values don't align with others, it doesn't mean you hate the person. You just don't agree with their lifestyle. Get over it and go find ppl who cater to that sort of thing. Besides, his best friend (his wife) knows about his cross dressing, so who cares. I wish this dude the best.

[@ethxo6734]

I feel for this man. I’m an 8 and I know that abuse lasts a lifetime. The pain never truly goes away. Feel your feelings but after a while the abusing itself is over and you have to make a conscious decision to not allow it to consume your life. You can’t keep re-traumatizing yourself. You have to make the decision to get up and go to the gym and fuel your mind and body with good things. I recommend reading the body keeps the score to help you process what happened and learn to heal. The cross dressing is a choice. If you feel shame ask yourself where that shame is coming from. If it’s not a behavior your proud of you have the power to stop it. Make it hard for you to engage in those things. And more importantly, stop sharing intimate details, sexual details with people who aren’t sleeping with you. It’s just weird and no one needs to know those details.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Exactly! Like you said it's abuse I had to navigate my own way out of it also. Okay I see your point but shaming him at the end I'm sure that doesn't help but on the other hand yes it's not advisable to just tell anyone anything it attracts predators when you do that. lol! I mean unless he wants to attract other adults that were abused who can be predators scary. Have to be carful. And what's weird exactly? It's all trauma. If someone said "It's weird" to me I would have felt judged let him decide if it's weird.

[@okaycola2]

Yep

[@Emily-rz7fs]

That was a beautiful conversation. I hope he finds peace.

[@dandee831]

Dr. Deloney…..you’re really good at this.

[@monica93304]

I cross dressed in secret for almost 40 years, and eventually transitioned, the one family member that mattered to me (my father) never spoke to me again. I'm honorable, hard working, sane. I eventually had to live my life unapologetically to gain some semblance of happiness. I found the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm poor financially, but feel complete spiritually.

[@AbstractCatsMedia]

I don't mean to belittle the caller by any means, but this day and age, cross dressing seems very mild, but very easy for me to say. Also, I've known several straight guys who have done their nails, they simply thought is was creative. Being of the late 70s / early 80s punk new wave gen x crowd, I loved have teal green and blue hair. Certainly the caller is a brave soul for entering this forum, stay strong brother! On a lighter note, anyone who is a fan of the band The Cramps, has probably seen this scenario before. I'm a big Cramps fan, so this did not take me by surprize at all.

[@Christine_GoBills]

Note it says from Salt Lake City, Utah. I think geography might matter here too

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

​@@Christine_GoBills exactly. Utah is definitely not accepting of those sort of things

[@nonosfavorites]

Actually, he’s in SLC now and very happy he said. His in laws are from NY and want to relocate to SLC. Just saying.

[@delightschwartz2155]

I worked one yr as an OTR truck driver in 2022, and I met an older driver one night while we were both waiting for a tire repair in a drivers lounge over coffee. I noticed he had a full manicure of multicolored glitter polish. There were other drivers who spotted it and harassed him verbally over this in the lounge, which he became quite upset about, so I just asked him about it. It turned out that he would do his nails to bond with and support his 12 yr old niece who had both cerebral palsy and a terminal brain tumor. She loved nail polish, since he was her favorite uncle but he was on the road so much, they would have Zoom video chats every few days so they could chat, compare their nails and pick colors. It was the sweetest thing I'd heard of in a long time.

[@Jimjam482]

Childhood Trauma has devastating affects on the developing brain. So many adults that have sex gender issues the root cause is sever childhood trauma

[@HighMonkeyMonk.]

While this could be the case for some, it’s certainly not true for all queer people.

[@crewfox11]

Keep your head up mate...you are who you are

[@JetVet4Jesus]

I scored a 10 as well, constant childhood trauma topped off by an assault while in the US Navy. I feel your pain, Jesus saves me every day. 🙏❤️

[@maximkmrr3879]

His wife is a remarkable woman! Wishing this couple the very best 😊

[@mellison1007]

Message to Crossdresser in video. True friends will stick by you no matter what. If they leave you, they were never really ever your friends, closure of an old chapter, provides a fresh new open chapter of life. The issues people have, will always be without doubt their own issues, as you as a Crossdresser already know what you are,

[@edwardnashen5960]

Delploney is great and compassionate .This one is a hard one. Acceptance of the cross dressing thing must be complex. Quite a secret to hide, especially with straight friends and grooms at weddings. It's a big enchilida. Quite a thing to unpack.

[@royalsig2998]

Reading some of the comments fills me with dismay. Society says about tollerance and understanding, yet so many people are bigots in real life. What does it matter if somebody wants to wear clothing that is traditionally meant for the opposite sex. For me it is not dressing in female clothes, they are your clothes. The intelligence required to hide this compulsion is astounding. To hide a massive part of yourself from society is massively draining. To get to a point of self acceptance and to come out to family and friends is such a huge undertaking. For those that do not accept all of you, they are not worth knowing as they are the ones that have the problem. The problem of saying to the world that they are open and accepting. But they are the true liars !. They are the ones with the issue. The only way to be happy is to be open. If people do not accept you then they are not worth knowing.

[@djliamofficialpage]

I'm sorry John. I always love your advice, it comes from a place of love and understanding but this caller should have been told that if your family and friends don't understand you, don't waste time trying to please them...there is a world out there that are the same as you...Stop trying to please people and go out and find your tribe... they are out there with open arms.

[@Selfemployedmildautisticperfor]

Im somewhat long overdue on that process myself in the community but i do think and hope I can get and am gettingthere Joining groups mostly online easier for now but ya

[@orangesplaylist]

I don't get why people care so much about what stylistic choices a person chooses as their aesthetic. It makes me think of a teacher I had who was in high school when girls were allowed to start wearing pants. She said there were rioters at her school and people threw stuff at them. It's just clothing. Not that deep

[@sonyau2682]

He’s a beautiful human u can tell … if you watch this Matt. You really are beautiful …

[@keithdavies52]

Friends that turn on you for something that hurts no one, aren't friends. I've shaved my legs and painted toenails, stuff I can hide in public, for years. My friends are fine with it, anyone that isn't aren't friends. I think that those of us that have this propensity should find it the comforting place we can go to after all the dude stuff we have to do all day, switch from construction guy to something we find lovely. It shouldn't be a point of anxiety, it should be relax time. It absolutely harms no one, unless they are insecure in themselves, then maybe it threatens their fragile identity.

[@jacosisaba]

I hate how people are so evil. You shouldn’t care what people do in their free time. If you don’t believe the same crap they do they’ll abandon you or threaten with violence. I can guarantee those friends are super religious and use that as a weapon against this guy.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

I see your point but I do care if people choose to murder or watch cp in their spare time so this isn't a set principle to live by. It just applies to something relatively harmless.

[@EvolvePeaceLove]

As long as one is doing no purposeful ha4m to another they should be free to be whom they are. Exactly agree...

[@deanna8818]

Agreed, some people are so evil. And if these friends call themselves religious, they are not. They severely missed the mark of true religion and Gods love.

[@shachede6828]

People are also very good. Stop projecting one side of the coin. If people are so evil then you’re exactly all the things you just described. I am a good person to the best of my abilities and I’m surrounded by good and great people

[@nonosfavorites]

I do think that counseling would help him - what if he’s able to get to the core issues and then stop cross dressing? Would that be okay? I don’t understand how Dr Delaney says on one had not to weave anxiety with identity but it’s okay to weave cross dressing with identity? It’s also a mental disorder. But I guess we’re just too PC these days, too many will be offended. But wouldn’t it be responsible to at least get counseling for a while?

[@Veracityseeker7]

Dude needs to deal with his sexual molestation issues. I feel really badly for him, but this is the only way he's going to get out of this. May God bless this dude. Much love to him.

[@sharonjoan9997]

He is so lucky to have found a woman who accepts him. It’s beautiful ❤

[@beardedpanda5086]

ahh man. That’s sad to hear someone who has so much hatred and shame in himself. I love how loving Dr John was. I have a friend who’s completely straight and cross dresses. He’s an awesome guy and I don’t care that he does it. This man will find friends who accept him for who he is.

[@edwardnashen5960]

I'm fascinated by this whole dialogue . Deloney is such a compassionate counselor. I respect him very much. This guy will always have to deal with judgement of this cross dressing his whole life. It pushes a lot of buttons in people. It so goes against the norms. Why do the in laws and everyone even have to know all the details? Is he going to wear negligeees around them? Why isn't the wife enough? It's part of their intimacy and understanding. I see this differently.

[@ammcroft]

Good at repression and smart...Well said. I've truly been abandoned. I don't think this is who Matt "is" but he's worth being there for.

[@tammygarrett6963]

great conversation. hope peace is found for them

[@chocolate9747]

To me it sounds like he’s in the beginning stages of wanting to transition. I’ve definitely heard lots of men who start with cross dressing and eventually end up transitioning. If that’s how he feels, it would be pretty crucial to at least let his kids know, if it ever comes to that.

[@kcourtney6826]

True, cross dressing is just the beginning it rarely stops there

[@Missybella92227]

Agree With his verbal tone, etc too. Sounds feminine to a certain degree.

[@rileyspence1403]

He just wants to disrespect women by playing dress up and pretending what he can NEVER be!!!

[@JillPickle-1]

@@rileyspence1403you are trash

[@megsley]

he's an AGP caught up in the escapist fantasy.