Why Do So Many BLACK MOTHERS HATE THEIR DAUGHTERS? The Mother Wound Explained

On this episode, you get to meet Jennifer Arnise, an author and guide who helps black women navigate toxic relationships with their mothers. Jennifer shares her personal experiences and insights into the complex trauma that stems from strained mother-daughter relationships. The conversation delves into the "mother wound" and its impact on self-identity, discussing generational trauma, societal pressures, and the unique challenges faced by black women.
This episode highlights the importance of reparenting oneself and developing a healthy sense of autonomy, while also addressing the broader implications of these dynamics on personal growth and emotional well-being.
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I'm partnering with Jennifer to host a FREE virtual workshop for women with mommy issues! Join us on August 7th at 8p EST for strategies to help you heal: jenniferarnise...
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IG: @blackmotherwound
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Podcast: jenniferarnise...
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[@far6311]

I've noticed how much our moms will abuse us, tear us down, embarrass us, but treat the sons like gold😢

[@karinal75]

Can we talk about how when these same women look for us when their sons are no where to be found as they age? It’s like daughters are only valued for our labor.

[@mineandmine4528]

Thai is true. That’s how my mother is.

[@justinawilliamson5714]

Unfortunately, so true.

[@justinawilliamson5714]

​@@karinal75mhm

[@far6311]

And as soon as we do something they can brag about they want to play nice. When I brought home a white boyfriend my mom was all smiles (weird flex but ok. If I brought home a black boyfriend it wouldn't be as great or something?🙄). When my middle sister went to the army my mom tried to play the concerned mother role. When our eldest sister married into the suburbs my mom wanted to visit every weekend like it's her house now too. It's just so weird that you don't like us until we do something you didn't think we could pull off.

[@TheFairy1992]

My mother has envied me my entire life. I remember her saying I think I’m better than everyone when I was a teenager. Like girl, I’m 15. What are you even talking about?

[@SunshinesRay]

Wow! I forgot I was told that starting around age 12 😢

[@LoveFireWellness]

My grandma would tell me this 😢

[@claudiajones356]

Mines 2

[@user-il5md3rw7e]

Yup and that I couldn't be half the woman she is

[@user-gy3vd9mm3r]

Sounds like my mother too smh she told me one time that I think It’s all about me after years of doing nice things for her and my father and sister. Treating them places, comforting and being there for the family whenever they needed me and buying very nice gifts for her on birthdays, Mother’s Days and holidays. I guess she forgot about all that smh 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@jess_81]

Clearly "Claire Huxtable" was so beloved because a lot of us longed for a mother like her, myself included.

[@renaburgess9196]

That's funny I call my mother a fake ass claire huxtable. Lol

[@Lex2034-f7y]

Yesssss ❤❤❤

[@Lex2034-f7y]

@@renaburgess9196😂😂😂😂😂

[@greeneyedbandit5035]

Yessssssss

[@SapphireDiamond.00]

Ok I prayed but I’m still wishing upon a star ⭐️.😶😶😶

[@missycocoa875]

My mother was my biggest bully growing up. She abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. I forgave her and tried to have a relationship with her. I'm 47, she's still toxic so I had to cut her off my life. Meanwhile, she treats my brothers who are all losers like gold. Sad indeed 😢

[@Jenniferarnise]

Im so sorry this was your experience!

[@Laura_Wallace_AI]

I know if I had brothers this is how it would be. I am praying for you...that God will send you people in your life to fill in that gap that she left open. He will do it. He did it for me! I wouldn't be alive if it were not for the women that were sprinkled all along my childhood and now who have filled in where she couldn't...but I feel your pain, because it is still a whole that no one can fully replace. ❤‍🩹

[@dv52528]

Same here

[@grayscar05]

She don't treat them like gold, it just looks like that on the surface. Trust. She's incapable of treating any of her children good

[@sherrisolomon8673]

Mother’s like this are simply the type of women who simply hate women in favor of men. They Probably were like this way before they had daughters. Then they have mothers who favor the daughters vs the sons because they hate men even before they had their sons.

[@her5366]

If your own mother hates you she hates herself, thats just what it is ,very sad

[@TerriTemple]

yes they are very insecure (and worldly) and pass it onto their children.

[@terriharris5273]

Truth

[@kymob803]

So true. I wish I knew why there was so much self-hatred. Maybe because she was born in the 1930s in the south.

[@lexqbeanable]

💯💯💯💯

[@Lynn-zq5ik]

Very true that's why it's important to hear your mom's story of growing up as well as your grandma's story from growing up because their stories and who they are built you into Who You Are and when you recognize then you can see where were the abuse started a lot of time the abuse starts with your Grandmama as a little girl being abused

[@dannidazzle]

Ladies keep going. Our mothers dont define us.

[@koereyelle]

♥️♥️♥️

[@anabae2706]

ThEY DO NOT

[@suzygirl1843]

@@koereyelle I've known this for a while and I am 24 years old. I grew up in white schools and realized the white daughters were TAUGHT by their moms to maximize their femininity to gain free access and assets. Our mothers teach us to work hard like a dog and to NOT get married. Last year, when I expressed an interest in dating for marriage she SNAPPED and threatened to cut me off from inheritance... the next day she had visitors from cousins, aunts, and nieces showing her potential brides for my brother who is 30 and lives at home with her. He doesn't have a degree and never worked a day in his life, he ONLY makes his bed but the maid makes food and waits on him. He's her first born and spoiled little Prince.

[@user-gy3vd9mm3r]

AMEN 🙏🏾

[@LattimeFamilyTree]

I agree but unfortunately mine has been. However, the time is now to change my story.

[@happyhippie310]

I’m a black man who witnessed how my mother treated my sisters way worse than me…I’m really glad that you’re having this conversation….

[@kerenpooh5314]

It’s due to childhood and generational trauma you gotta understand 😢

[@happyhippie310]

@@kerenpooh5314 I'm sure my Grandmother wasn't very kind to my mother...

[@nickim270]

@@kerenpooh5314 not every person who goes through trauma becomes an abuser. It's a choice to not heal.

[@earthlynnone7383]

​@@kerenpooh5314ENOUGH EXCUSES, ITS ALWAYS SOMETHING...

[@millieconsultancy]

@@kerenpooh5314 no, it's due to a wickedness of the soul and calculated intentions. Let her try thay trauma with her boss or a radom person in a supermarket line.

[@latoyaboyce9902]

This conversation is deeeeeeeeeeeep!!!! My mother is in a wheelchair at this moment resulting from a stroke. I love her. I don’t hate her. But I simply cannot wipe her ass. I was verbally mentally emotionally and physically abused all of my life. She even allowed her siblings to treat me horribly. But my brother was her golden child. I forgave her but simply CANNOT bend over backwards to come to her rescue. I am now a mother and I strive daily to be better than she ever was. I hug my kids. I speak positively to my kids. I tell them I love them. I protect them. I nurture them. I never make differences in them. I went through therapy. I am now at a place where I can tell her I love her and call her beautiful. Things she never did to me. I tried to hug her and she pushed me away. She told me she loved me for the first time after God put her in that wheelchair. My brother…The golden child…WILL NOT HELP HER!!! Yet my family…her toxic abusive narcissistic siblings expect me the one they abused to come save the day. I’m not doing it. I’ll FaceTime her but I have no desire to wipe her ass.

[@Pinesol605]

❤ You broke that generational curse. Don’t feel bad for putting yourself and your peace first. Sending you love 💕

[@justinawilliamson5714]

​@@Pinesol605I agree

[@MsTishalish]

Good on you! I am in a similar situation and I am not standing down either. Best peace I can give myself given the trauma her and so called family have caused me. 👏🏾

[@latoyaboyce9902]

@@MsTishalish Good for you! Stand strong. Protect your peace and do what is BEST for YOU!!!!!

[@MsTishalish]

@@latoyaboyce9902 Thank you. Stay strong 💗

[@The1Lovelee]

It’s deep when your mother tells you that her other child is her favorite on her sick bed while you are caring for her and that child is no where around. We are some hurt people.

[@jeanettesdaughter]

Very hurt people. Hard and mean spirited. 😢

[@rosieb9]

My mom did the same 😢

[@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg]

😂 yall better than me cause as the so called black sheep. In which I do not claim. To describe myself. They expected me to wipe her saa and take care of her, through her dementia. 😂 and I totally abandoned them. I don't even stop by to see if she's ok

[@AyoJJ-b7v]

@@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg love that for you.

[@jessiet6534]

​@@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg I believe kids are parents karmic lesson if parents abuse and mistreat their kids especially since birth they have no right or entitlement to be cared for in old age when they are vulnerable the most. I don't blame you for turning your back on your mom because the delusion is really real out here.

[@moon.star2]

I'm glad this dark secret is finally being talked about...my grandmother hated my mother & her kids, the hatred ran soo deep

[@koereyelle]

Thank you for watching! Get on the wait list for Jennifer's next group program: bit.ly/waitlistgsp 💕

[@Lovely-ff7uv]

You are my kindred cousin. I am also the granddaughter of a grandmother who treated my mom horribly. When my mom passed, my grandmother was disrespectful even at the funeral.

[@greeneyedbandit5035]

Me too. It’s something how this video appeared when Ive exposed my mother to a few people. They had no idea what I’ve been through

[@sl2427]

"Mommy Dearest" is my Moms nick name... 😵‍💫💀😐

[@alomaalber6514]

so much idealizing and some do have such warm and hug kin. But some of us do not! I was the kind one.

[@isidoraveronica]

To me, it is sad how many of us relate to this. Including myself.

[@amremnant]

Right? My sister and I suffered so long, I didn't know it was a community of us!

[@SapphireDiamond.00]

It’s shocking to me‼️😶

[@kerenpooh5314]

It’s due to childhood and generational trauma you gotta understand

[@laportiamitchellpresents]

I am sooo glad black women specifically are deciding to speak and disect this topic I am as well.

[@TerriTemple]

yes instead of blaming the abused.

[@alomaalber6514]

All women and people need to, it was told to me by a kind Ph.D they do not teach this even at Master's as the borderline do not think THEY even need a book or councilor. Even in 2 parent family! They get jealous of nothing, and they might be the most beautiful. Book Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. I think she had trauma in 1936 and also went to her "diva" grandma her sisters did not have the traits. FB on Living with Narcissistic have helpful "cards". Hope this helps. It is not color, it could be class in some cases but I think it is feeling powerless, and her mother was busy raising 7 kids.

[@kendrawinchester3704]

I didn’t tell my mom about my new by friend, when I bought a house. When I got my real estate license. I’m not sure I will invite her to my wedding because anything good that happens to me, she will try to ruin it. It hurts my hurt that I can’t include her in my victories😢

[@GHO5tMod3]

Same here

[@tina04ism]

I can relate

[@Mo.1988]

Same. God will deal with them.

[@autobotdiva9268]

understand your mother is probably a covert narc like mine

[@user-go4if5sh8y]

SAME GIRL

[@BlessedInEveryAreaOfMyLife]

My mother resented me because my father didn't want to be with her, and she took it out on me. She lied about who he was, preventing me from ever meeting him. She only revealed the truth after he had died, along with many other hurtful things. I've cut her off for good. Sadly, I had to mourn the parents I never had, but now I can finally heal.

[@sundeecathey1748]

Same here. You are not alone!

[@ari-jv]

Same thing happened to me. After my parents split she prevented him from talking to me. Now that I’m grown I don’t speak to her

[@Riley42-03]

Same story! I forgave her for a traumatic experience I endured. She passed and now I’m faced with parenting myself I’m like two decades behind.

[@tiffanyevans8084]

Sadly, I had to mourn the parents I never had- this right here!

[@susanmcpherson4591]

I really thought I was the only one with a similar story and I have also done the same as I dont believe she will change or want to change and her behaviour is just too toxic for my mental wellbeing

[@ljackson207]

Glad this is being talked about. Ladies, please don't let ANYONE tell you how you feel about someone, including your mother. Your feelings are valid.

[@MissLondonE7]

THANK YOU 👌🏽 I am SO TIRED of people tell me "but that's your mother, you only get one" or "that was in the past, get over it." Nope. I feel how I feel and at my big age, I get to CHOOSE who and what I deal with or not. I am TRULY BLESSED to have so many other people in my life who stand in the gap for me ❤

[@alomaalber6514]

I idealized my mother she was extra beautiful by any standard. She was idealized by her friends but she thought Mommy Dearest was a comedy! The book Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers is helpful. Yes, she had trauma in 1936 but I also think her grandmother "diva" has these traits the aunts were super kind. Hope this helps. They are jealous if they are borderline or narcissistic and jealous over nothing!

[@deslyn_creolekween]

My mom died two years ago, before she passed she finally apologized to me for how bad she treated me/ beat me/ hated me/ embarrassed me/ she said she was jealous of the woman I was. She said I was the girl growing up she ALWAYSSSSSSS wanted to be, she also told me that she knew outta her 3-kids I was the strongest one. She said she hated how I never needed her like my sister and brother. I NEEDED THAT. It helped me become the woman I am today, maybe if she would have said it earlier we woulda had a better relationship, but mommas please tell your daughter you love them. Life is SO SHORT❤

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Glad for you that it turned out this way for you. Not much hope for many others like myself. Saw my mother for the say 7th time in 30 years last April 2024. She went into a rant about me not seeing her, and I should kneel down and beg for her forgiveness. ...some chance...

[@SmoothMentality93]

That’s sad

[@alomaalber6514]

the book Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

[@relaxlibrary4249]

Sorry for your loss. Your mom really gave you a gift. Not many moms will admit they were wrong in anything that they said or did. I'm glad you got that closure and validation.

[@BrotherMouzone.l]

As a black man, i needed this. I understand our women so much better and im only half way through. Thank you so much 🙏🏾🫂

[@koereyelle]

Thank you so much for watching!

[@user-qq9dl3qs8l]

I knew at 5 years old something was wrong. I addressed it the 1st time when I was 9 or 10 years old. I wrote my Mom a letter. I asked her why did she hate me. I said let’s spend time together. She refused. She denied everything. Our relationship was always strained. Especially when I moved to NYC. She ignored me. I didn’t understand how much she impacted me until I became a mother at 34. I didn’t realize my mother is a narcissist and we are a part of a narcissistic family system. Your guest is totally me! Thank you so much for this!!

[@Aaliyahnash4uu]

I had did the same thing but with an email nd like a month later she found it nd she got mad at me

[@theshugashackpodcast2457]

I wrote my Mother a note at about the same age and said I was running away because she didn’t love me. When I woke up she had packed me lunch and left cash for my transportation. She has Dementia now and I spent 50 yrs trying to get her to love me. What a waste of time. I’m reparenting now as I heal. Sending loving energy to you. 💕

[@janetteevonne428]

Same

[@childofgod3120]

Wow, this is my mother & she call so many other’s a narcissist

[@lucretia_macevil]

I wrote a letter too 😭😭😭she never acknowledged it. Wrote it at 8, begging how to be better. I’m sorry we can relate.

[@Mo.1988]

Because they’re jealous! And our brothers are their son husbands!

[@anabae2706]

Too true

[@jervanmurphy-payne6577]

Sonbands is def what they are

[@MewluMoon]

uhh this is a almost ghetto mentality this is not black mothers at all.

[@erikaarnold4780]

But don’t you dare call out a “mama’s boy”. They get defensive like you called them out of their name….and I’m talking about the MOTHERS!😂👀

[@elizabethowens8548]

Exactly

[@theeagleslairchannelwithcoacht]

I’m so glad we are coming out of isolation saying “OUCH MY MOMMA HURT ME”! I’m a “unloved daughter “ and also help women with this issue. I read a book called “Daughter Detox daughters of unloving mothers “ and it changed my life! It showed me that there are thousands of us. I was not alone! My mom’s treatment towards me has always been harsh and horrible. I’m healing my emotions still at 51 years old. But I’ve raised 2 daughters and my girls have never experienced me as an evil mother. This is a Hot Topic.

[@akilahbatyah6505]

Maybe we should write our own versions of daughter detox. Maybe our stories can help heal too.

[@earlonaweary9155]

​@@akilahbatyah6505 Great idea!

[@Jhenesrandomthoughts]

Thank you for the book recommendation 🫶🏽✨️

[@theeagleslairchannelwithcoacht]

@@akilahbatyah6505 I love that idea. I would love to collaborate with some of my sisters to do something like this even a symposium or conference. This would benefit others and aid in our healing. ☺️

[@theeagleslairchannelwithcoacht]

@@Jhenesrandomthoughts of course. I want us all to show up in our lives whole! 😉

[@socialworkersanonymous]

I am a Black Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a mother, and a mommy wounded woman. My wounds definitely fueled my professional development. As a therapist and someone with life experience,I come from a place of understanding that society, in addition to cultural factors, contribute to how we view our mothers and motherhood. I always use the clients perspective to guide the conversation. I understand that all mothers “aren’t in fact doing their best and it’s not ok to accept things just because she’s your mom.” Great conversation ❤️ I wish love and healing for us all!

[@mineandmine4528]

❤️ thank you for making this world a better place for us all 💐

[@socialworkersanonymous]

@@mineandmine4528 Thank you. I’m doing God’s work the best way I can ❤️

[@theeagleslairchannelwithcoacht]

@@socialworkersanonymous I totally agree with this. It’s time to stop hiding ourselves because of what they did to us. We Win!

[@millieconsultancy]

We need a book saying "mothers are not doing their best, they are practicing their worst" .

[@alomaalber6514]

bookL Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. My mom had trauma in 1936 but also was with her "diva" grandmother my aunts were more kind. They get jealous of "nothing" and as you know do not seek help for themselves. Also a Ph.D. told me it is not taught until your level as they " ain't the Paying Customers" and never seen council. The child has to "parent" the parent. Thanks for all you do, also the FB pages re: narcissistic have "cards" for how to deal with the traits. Signed, I could never be thin enough and I am now 67.

[@cecechampion4]

It’s time to talk about this because it’s a cycle. This mentality has destroyed our community. It’s interesting how Black mothers favor their sons, very harsh on their daughters but then the same sons still have resentment or unspoken towards them hence the negative attitude towards Black women. It’s complex.

[@kaylabean3693]

I think the sons may resent them, because they are actually son-husbands and the moms make them responsible for their emotional needs (emotional incest) and have to be the “man” of the house and he doesn’t know how to put it in words because he loves his mom, but he knows something is wrong

[@Hephzibah_n_beulah]

It’s not a black thing. It’s not. We have enough burdens as is. Everything bad isn’t just us. That’s so tiring. Do some research.

[@NamasteInYourLane]

​@@Hephzibah_n_beulah no one said it's just us but it is a big issue amongst us. Stop deflecting. So should we ignore the problems amongst us because "other people do it too"?

[@amremnant]

Good point, in my case my brother is an excellent father and husband. His family loves and appreciates him. I think in this case he took the how not to be approach. My other brother isn't married but he has been with his gf for over a decade. He's not exactly straightforward but my mother promotes that behavior.

[@lanaejames]

Yes

[@christinelaloba8869]

My grandmother hated my mother, my mother hated on me there is generational trauma. I think every race deals with it but they don't talk about it enough.

[@WatermelonPeppermint]

I'm White but I like listening to all women's problems, and while different I think definitely most of us (I'm 30) have come from a very troublesome generation. I see it a lot in women my age, for sure the generational trauma is real and we can only do better by our own daughters and future women.

[@firesign4297]

​@@WatermelonPeppermint AMEN ! 🙏🏿

[@firesign4297]

We should really call it what it simply is.... Jealousy ! 💔😪😞

[@abrinker79]

Exactly my mother and I not as close I would like however neither us my son and I 😢I never thought about if my grandmother disliked my mother cause it never showed but as I'm grown now I never asked her cause it does seem generational

[@mineandmine4528]

I’m Mexican . My grandmother hated my mother and my mother hates me. This is generational trauma. They know what they are doing.

[@w3n33dam1racl3]

My mother wasnt a friend at all. From the day i was born she was antagonistic and hateful towards me. Apparently she threatened to strangle me as a infant until my father stopped her. My grandmother took me in and raised me until age 7 and then sent me to go live with my biological mother. For 4 years, she was abusive, physically and verbally, extremely mean towards me, sabotaged anything or anyone that was loving towards me. Never had my back, went around telling people lies about me as a child and teenager. When i was 23 or 24, she made the comment "i looked better than you when I was 24". Thats when i realized she was my first hater, bully. I have been estranged from her since then. Its been 12 years. But as an adult i began to understand why i showed up in female friendships guarded and defensive. I saw every woman as a potential hater, to be mean,rejecting towards me.

[@Zaneter25]

Same! I have no friends I’m 28 it sucks not being able to celebrate other ppl and do life with other ppl.bc I hate other women now bc I’ve picked so many jealous friends that reminded me of home n my mom

[@noble604]

I’m so sorry that you’ve been through that. I have a cousin like that. Her mother treated her horribly as a child, and now that she’s an adult. My cousin now talks to other women the same way her mother spoke to her, - fighting with them, playing passive aggressive games, being rude and putting them down It’s so wild to hear her talking to her “friends” (people who don’t stick around her long and put up with that) saying the SAME ... and I mean THE EXACT SAME words her mom spoke to her ...yet she doesn’t hear or see it.😩

[@ReneeRates]

Did we have the same mother? My mother used to make the exact same comment, “I looked better than you at [insert age].” These remarks would come out of nowhere! I would be getting ready to leave the house, feeling good and cheerful, only to feel her eyes on me, filled with seething hatred. Her first words in the morning would often be similar comments. I felt hurt and disgusted, but I eventually realized her words had nothing to do with me. I’m sorry that you went through that trauma.

[@kerenpooh5314]

As infant, that was probably her ptsd that most mothers have after birth… im so sorry It’s due to childhood and generational trauma you gotta understand

[@soeffortlesslysexy]

I'm so sorry you went through this, love. Though it is unfortunate, these things make us the strong resilient women we are today 🙏🏾❤

[@hisnaturalwife09]

This is a convo I would love to be a part of. My mother broke my heart when I realized she was my biggest bully. The way she raised me was to only care about her and to live in her reality. If I didn’t participate in her world she would disown me. I would have to tap dance and do everything for her to talk to me, let alone be there for me but she never was. I always felt like a burden to her, like she hated me. I felt like she raised me to be stupid and not think for myself and if I did I was being disrespectful. She lied about my biological father, told me another man was my father only to realized they used me as their pawn to cheat on his wife for 30 years, and I recently found out she knew my sister was molested and did nothing to protect her. My mother is the big bad wolf I’ve always been scared of. An absent Father is hard, yes. But an unhealed mother is the most dangerous person in my opinion. I have 4 children, 2 girls. I was so afraid of having girls cause I wasn’t taught how to be a woman. Though I still learning through these podcasts, therapy, and healing, I can say it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I missed the mother I will never have. But I’m the mother I needed to my girls. I will never say or do half of the things my mother did to me. I’m healing for myself but also for my kids. I want them better than me. My mother wanted me to suffer like her or more. The adult daughter/mother pain is something you can’t explain. Thank you for this convo❤️

[@royaladvisorypublishing]

Thank you for sharing your story. YOU ARE SO BRAVE! You also shared my story. Thank. You. So. MUCH!

[@jellybite1]

"never taught to be a woman"!!!!! This is me, with a 4 year old daughter 😢

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@KeishaCherre-ic2gv]

You just told my story. I'm laying here crying thinking about how to heal. 😢

[@B_Millie]

​@@KeishaCherre-ic2gv cry it out,shout it out,talk it,walk it....just *dont* hold it in👂👌🧡

[@FlorenceW101]

that part of going back to your child and apologizing to your kid, and letting them know your issues are not their fault. that is sooooo beautiful, f*cking up as a parent is inevitable but that going back explaining, and apologizing is so vital.

[@munchkinm6929]

I am big on this even with my toddlers if I’m wrong going back to them and mommy was wrong I’m so sorry and I’m working on myself

[@sister2mysoul]

YESSSSS!! I apologize to my daughter when I know I'm wrong! ❤

[@t.mooreyewknow799]

I started to see that narcissistic mothers especially, keep their kids dependent on her. She rarely celebrates the kids who seeks success. She keeps all of her children and grandchildren feeling like having success should not be looked at as worthy of celebrating. But they’ll celebrate mediocrity. It’s twisted. Glad the conversations are happening

[@Zaneter25]

My grandma she doesn’t want you successful because then you won’t depend on her and she’ll feel useless n powerless

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Well said my dear. They hate seeing you succeed. My mother would insult me when I didn't, and pull me down when I did. When she became a grandmother through multiple baby mothers from her son, she related nicely to these women who were non achievers, less educated and highly immoral. As her daughter, I was not even near any of these things, but she still 'kicked me to the curb', and still tries to today.

[@alomaalber6514]

That is exactly it! Thanks.

[@Wealthygirllove]

I just came from TikTok please continue this conversation on how it impacts your finances, how you feel stuck, how you feel like you’re unable.

[@Jhenesrandomthoughts]

Whew!

[@AmyTraphouse]

!!!!!!

[@PeanutButteryful]

🎯

[@alomaalber6514]

beware of men who are ( funny but true) HOBO sexuals, the straight male with no money that wants to live in your paid up apartment! can be any hue or any age!

[@myblissfullife]

I cried through this whole video. I abruptly left my 15 year toxic job that was killing me. I told my mom and she hasn't checked on me or spoken to me since. I hate to admit it but I think a part of her enjoyed my suffering. I refect on things she's said in the past like, "What do you mean you had people over your place? Who would want to be friends with you?" I've had to keep coming back to this over the years, hoping that I'm wrong or don't understand her enough. But the truth is this person doesn't really love me (probably doesn't know how). Very, very hard to face.

[@kimjackson557]

Sorry your going through that

[@parttimesuperwoman]

I am so happy for you that you left the toxic job! You will find something that suits you better. I just left my job too, so I understand.

[@myblissfullife]

@@parttimesuperwoman Just accepted a position for a career that's a perfect fit. I'll be praying that you get your perfect fit as well.❤️

[@YourUncleJas]

I’m really sorry you’re going through that. You leaving that toxic job is great! Good job ❤️ I’m sure there are people in your life that love and adore you. I’m really sorry SHE fails to see how amazing you are. I’m sending you tons of love and healing❤️ - another healing daughter

[@myblissfullife]

@@YourUncleJas Thank you so much. You are so kind. I realize that life will be as good as I allow it to be. I appreciate her for the good she's done and only let her get so close. I'm grateful for a new start and will dedicate my life toward self care then love and building of my community❤️✊🏿❤️✊🏿

[@baderinwa1]

I experienced an enormous amount of emotional abuse as a child. My mother even said that we wished that I was never born. As a child, my mother often called me Black and ugly because I was dark skinned while my sisters were light skinned.

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@Imabeemee2]

@baderinwa1 I’m sorry you had to experience that. I had a friend who had the same experience growing up and it was weird/awkward when her mom would express it in front of me and our mutual friends. With no shame at that and she herself wasn’t light-skinned! I hope you find peace 🙏.

[@earphbound720]

Same with my mom. When I was about 10 she told me “if I knew you would turn out this way, I would’ve gotten an abortion”. All because I didn’t want to wear makeup and be her mini me. I had my own identity from a young age and she kept trying to force me to be like her and we are completely different. She resented that.

[@happiness4beginners]

@baderinwa1 you must be my sister from another mister! Same here. It is such a relief when you realize that the title of mother doesn't endow women with nurturing abilities. I parent myself and I am good at it. Hugs and prayers that you tap into your healing power as well.

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Woww. These mothers and their inferiority complex knows no bounds. My mother kept on insisting to my brother that he brings her 'yellow' grand babies. Which is exactly what he did ( mixed race kids)

[@planet-lee]

my mother was abusive, neglectful and toxic. she made me feel unloved and unwanted and i knew something was wrong from a very young age. my late 20s i discovered she is very narcissistic, if not an actual narcissist, and it was like something clicked and it all made sense. our relationship has always been strained and ive tried too many times to have a good one with her. it wasnt until i fully realized how messed up my childhood was and how she’ll never change, that i went no contact. i dont plan to ever speak to her or see her again if i can help it. it really sucks but ive started my healing journey and i will be okay.

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@eml5807]

Your childhood is very similar to mine.

[@KeishaCherre-ic2gv]

Yes I had to cut my mom off last year. She did everything in the world to break me. What hurts is that no one believed me when I cried for help. They sided with her and basically looked at me like I don't care. I grew up so angry yet I had this big heart that I felt no one wanted. It's so sad. I spent my whole life wanting to be loved and people like my mother who was nasty a cheater ect would get all this love and I had to suffer for her sins. If there was a chance I could go to heaven by unaliving my self I would have done it at 5. I had a grandmother who loved me but she died in 2002. I've been walking this world in pain just waiting to heal. I don't know if I ever will 😢

[@B_Millie]

​@@KeishaCherre-ic2gvDont let her take your life force from you. Discover your tribe and express your love when safe🧡

[@claudiajones356]

Mine too

[@Toofly0103]

My mom relationship is non existent. She bullied me from a child to my adult years. I forgave her but I love from a distance. I’m okay with that. But reading these comments it seems like these baby boomer moms had a mental illness they didn’t want to let go of.

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@SH-vj2ce]

All you had to say was 'Baby Boomer'.... that entire generation is TOXIC AF.

[@Remnant-always]

It's before the boomer era.

[@amremnant]

yes, this is spot on.

[@gndailey5001]

I am appalled at the awakening of the amount of mother abuse issues I am reading. 😢

[@jshavon903]

Success as a trauma response…..that’s deep

[@sierraw7824]

now i look at it as success as resistance! :) live your best life and continue to glow up! share only what you want to share!

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Success is the best revenge

[@alomaalber6514]

good one, yes we jumped thru many hoops and it still was not "enough" we accomplished they probably did not, their realm was "jealous" of nothing and she had traumas in 1936, What a kingdom to rule in. Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. It is never discussed and should be. signed, could never be thin enough. I often say when the put a public library a few doors from my urban home it saved my life! it is not just of one group it is everywhere and not discussed.

[@BlairWaldorf2013]

I think a lot of Black mothers from yester-year don’t want to admit that they fell for the okey doke…they thought having kids by men who weren’t going to raise them or by men who would mistreat everyone in the household was the ‘play’ and they played themselves in the end. They see what many of us have achieved on our *own* and the freedoms we have fought for and afforded ourselves through hard work and dedication. They see how many of us are *CHILDFREE* and like it that way and how we travel or own property or whatever and they wish they’d had the courage and sheer audacity to dream bigger for themselves but got up in the *fantasy* of things instead of seeing the reality of their situation. When they said don’t ’mess up like them’ we LISTENED (which they probably didn’t expect) and now we are reaping the rewards of their warnings and thriving in larger numbers than ever before! Naturally, that will cause mixed feelings from the very same women who wanted better for their daughters but don’t know how to reconcile that with the envy they hold deep down that we did what they couldn’t.

[@autobotdiva9268]

Me traveling was a huge ordeal #selforphan

[@DeannaHardesty]

This is so amazing!! So many black women need to hear this !!!!

[@alomaalber6514]

women in general, Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. My mother thought Mommy Dearest was a comedy.

[@alomaalber6514]

the W girls too, it is across the board, ladies! Best to ALL.

[@christinelaloba8869]

I never thought how Mothers coming out of slavery mindset would struggle with motherhood. ❤ This definitely has been a perspective change.

[@KweziKimosi]

Mothers from subsaharian Africa treat their daughters the same. Let's include the bigger picture : we're talking about the misogyny of women towards each other and the one blacks daughters experience with their mothers globally. Of course, slavery played a tremendous role in that, pointing it out was quite revealing.

[@OrganicallyYahs]

That’s trauma for all black people that has to be taken into account. Just think about the extreme trauma of something like slavery

[@CherokeeGodly]

Yes indeed super informative ❤

[@endigosun]

White adult kids, male and female, are abandoning their relationships with their parents today as well… so what’s that about?

[@OrganicallyYahs]

@@christinelaloba8869 she said “black moms in the west”, specifically. Geographically specific trauma!🤔

[@VieraXXII]

Wow, that example of the driver and the hit pedestrian around 18 minutes in is phenomenal!

[@Jenniferarnise]

Thank you! I had to use an example with my therapist to get her to understand bc we look at mothers so differently

[@theshugashackpodcast2457]

I’m the underachiever. Always being super smart never trusting myself that I can be the best I can be.

[@LonerSoulnae]

Thats me as well ❤️‍🩹🫂🫶🏾 wishing you 😊.

[@theshugashackpodcast2457]

That’s why these discussions are so important because you can sometimes feel alone. I also never knew there was a connection between my relationship with my mother and my being an underachiever but it all makes so much sense. All the best to you. 🌻

[@dianna-gv2xv]

@@theshugashackpodcast2457 yes i feel that too

[@erikaarnold4780]

🙋🏾‍♀️

[@ibabechanel]

THIS.

[@ChassyT25]

Wow it brings me comfort to see women supporting and talking to each other about these issues! Its healing!

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Yes, without victim blaming and victim shaming which always seems to be the case whenever we try to speak up about these things.

[@Divine_Beauty-uh9xi]

This reminds me of Monique’s character in Precious. Bad mothers compete with daughters.

[@KhadijahsMamma]

It’s scary how real the character Monique is

[@alomaalber6514]

Thanks I will watch that film. Book: Daughters of Narcisstic Mothers. Borderline also, they cannot help it. Trauma from 1936! and they can be ANY makeup shade. My mother thoght Mommy Dearest was a comedy.Also in my home a size 3 was never thin enough. Cheers. it takes time, do YOU.

[@COJAZZ3]

When I was 9, my mom asked me why don't I get out of her and her children's (my 2 younger sisters) house. She looked possessed. She definitely hated me. It made me want to do better than she did as a woman and mother. I can proudly say that I have.

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

My mother started kicking me out of her house at the age of 10 years, whilst my siblings were always inside in the warmth. We have to do better, otherwise we repeat the cycle of abuse.

[@alomaalber6514]

I have seen that too. My mother thought Mommy Dearest was a comedy. She was very beautiful so the neighbors never realized. Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

[@DonnaSade]

My mother left me with my father when I was almost two years old. For most of my life she would brag about how she left me. As an adult woman my mom is only present in my life when it benefits her. She wasn’t present throughout my entire cancer journey but she showed up to my final chemo treatment, wearing a shirt that said “I’m God’s Favorite”. Just to post pictures on Instagram. I finally started working and she’s already asking me for money and if she can borrow my car when most people wanna borrow sugar. I need emotional space from her so I can nurse myself to health.

[@kimpossible3914]

She sounds insufferable, selfish, and childish. I hope you’re able to get away from her and live a long peaceful life that you deserve.

[@ThePhillyfashionista]

I'm so sorry. Thank God your cancer free

[@DonnaSade]

@@ThePhillyfashionista thank you, it’s been a journey but I’m grateful 🙌🏾

[@ibabechanel]

Uhm… you need to go NC, sweetie.

[@daniellem578]

I have a daughter and I try to love her so much so never feels the mean things my mom did towards me!!

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Same here dear sis. It is well.

[@msbg8385]

my mother always accused me of being stupid, untrustworthy and not able to choose good friends. I never understood why she thought so little of me and always stressed myself trying to prove to her otherwise. she always talked about my size although she was plus size and I'm thin, she was married to my dad so this is not a single mother issue by a long shot. later I realized she hated that my dad treated me better than her. well in her eyes he did. It was so freeing when i went to therapy, but sometimes therapist will have you sympathizing with an abuser, you can understand them but there is no excuse..... absolutely NO EXCUSE only thing I can thank her for despite the emotional trauma is making me an overachiever.

[@sundeecathey1748]

🎯🎯🎯

[@Zaneter25]

I felt that my mom obese but always tells me “ew look at your stomach” not just me but she talks shit about ppl smaller than her I never understood it she’s over 200lbs always has been reminds me of Deedee Gypsy roses mom

[@AO-ff8wi]

I've got an Eastern European mother who terrorised me growing up. Her constant screaming (PTSD) shut me down, I became compliant and a people pleaser. I was terrified of authority and was taught only salvation was in a man. By 40 I was a shell of myself, used and abused, physically mentally and emotionally broken. After the last SA, I wasn't able to go on and the only place to turn to was my mother whom I had a terrible relationship with. Due to the degree of trauma suffered I did ketamine therapy and very quickly was able to get in touch with my inner child. Who had a lot to say, and I found the right words. I finally stood up to my mom after one of her freak outs. I also noticed she behaved exactly as my abusive ex. She was shocked and initially pissed of that I even spoke back to her. I kept my ground and stared her right in the eye each time. This was the most terrifying thing, telling your parent their difficencies and appearing non grateful. Within days her whole demeanour changed. After 40 yrs my mom hugged me. Our relationship is so much better now but I have to gently teach her how to treat me. Soon after that, I was able to.put up boundaries in other areas of my life and got rid of a lot of toxic people. Once I stood up to my Eastern Euro mother I could stand up to anyone. At 28 my mother lived in a refugee camp with is and would be shot at trying to get us food. It's hard to stay mad but the child wound needs to be addressed for healing to happen. Thank you for this beautiful talk. And yes, my brother is the apple of her eye

[@alomaalber6514]

I hear ya. Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

[@laignermassey3631]

I remember watching "Precious" and hearing her yelling at the bottom of the stairs... my mom sounds EXACTLY like her...

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@lexqbeanable]

☹️that is absolutely awful. Here's a hug sis (((((❤❤❤)))))) but you survived her!!! Hold your head up high and find a way to love yourself if you haven't already

[@theeagleslairchannelwithcoacht]

@@laignermassey3631 mine did too. SMH 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@MoralOrder1]

My mother was that way too. Especially when she was drunk.

[@alomaalber6514]

Thank you for the movie recommend. My mother thought Mommy Dearest was a comedy! Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

[@lovedove7000]

That flip phone iPhone analogy really did what it needed to do for me. Thank you.

[@sundeecathey1748]

This is a much needed conversation that needs to continue and scale because there’s a lot of us out here. For the daughters who are truth tellers please continue to tell your story for your own healing and also to try and break these toxic generational curses/traumas for daughters that come after us. The shame associated with being an unloved daughter who never felt good enough and the outcomes (PTSD, perfectionism, hyper independence, lack of trust and more) that come as a result of being emotionally, mentally, spirituality abused by your mother to the point that you physically can’t be around her is almost unbelievable, but it’s real. I pray for the healing of any woman who has experienced this!

[@alomaalber6514]

Thanks for noting those traits in the daughters. book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. My mom thought Mommy Dearest was a comedy. Her sisters were not like that.

[@marlenesaundersshow]

I’m the last child of 10. I never could please my mother . But my brothers was jobless, in and out of relationships, and my mom would give them money , wash their clothes and tell me how amazing they were. While I’m busting my hump on two jobs to keep my apartment. All she would say why don’t you have a house . 😬while I was in college and not asking her for anything 🤷🏾‍♀️ I knew my mom hated me from I was in elementary school.

[@TiffStawberry]

Same, I had to move away from them because it made me so angry bc it continues to this day. Nothing was ever handed to me, yet you expect me to worship and respect my brothers as an adult.

[@makeitcount2985]

The women is broken, she hated that you didnt need her...!!

[@TBunchProds]

This is the most affirming video that my 65 year old self needed to watch at this specific moment. Mother wounds caused me to normalize being "othered," gaslit, demeaned and wronged. Then, I had horrible experiences in therapy early on because their training was to keep you engaged with people who don't change to conform because generationally, this was the way things were. I have finally decided that almost all of the people I held space for in my life - blood and otherwise, can kick rocks! I have blocked and ghosted all those who make me feel wrong or wronged and those energy vampires who take from me disproportionately to what I give to them, leaving me depleted. I am spending time alone and loving it. Having those conversations with my inner little girl. Loving her. Allowing myself to be super picky with who I allow into my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you KZbin algorithm for putting this in my feed! Subscribed!

[@aundrajenkins2652]

This video NEEDS to go viral with millions of views instead everything else that is plaguing social media! Fellas please support protect and love our women!!!!

[@QuaySmith_]

Omg the shame! I never knew how shameful I felt about myself for my mother not loving me properly.

[@sonyaphiri8502]

Hi❤

[@candacenkoth]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1624">27:04</a> to <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1700">28:20</a> "Success as a trauma response" is a whole sermon 💡

[@mayabedoinstuff]

She didn't have to hem me up like that.

[@thetherapeuticcoacht.7260]

I unfortunately relate with both these ladies. I began to mourn my childhood and relationship with my mother when I had a daughter and saw how she trusts me in ways that I could never trust my mother. She used her words and lack of compassion and love to tear me down. Til this day, in my 40's I am having to heal. You cannot heal continuing to give excuses or compassion toward your mother, until you give it to yourself. We deserved better, we are worthy of love. Great topic of conversation.

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Let's just concentrate on giving our children the life that our mothers denied us...

[@alomaalber6514]

In retirement at 67 here and finally a bit better. I could never be thin enough. and so much blame. Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. She had trauma in 1936 but the borderline will never seek help or read a self help book. Compassion is key.

[@kendrawinchester3704]

I was disconnect with my mom at a very young age. My mom had always hated me and treated my brother well. I’m her care taker now and it’s been the hardest thing to care for someone who doesn’t care about you. I’m the first to break the the curse. I made sure that me and my daughter have a good relationship. I will die before I allow me and my baby have the kind of relationship me and my mom and grandmother had.

[@Gcolorina]

@kendrawinchester3704 meaning no harm, but breaking the curse might also include not being her caretaker. It's hard maybe because it's not what you should be doing. Your childhood was already hard because of her, why make your adulthood one day difficult because of her, when now you have a choice?

[@Cmtb2472]

I’ve noticed that some mothers have messed up their own lives. To only find their daughters doing it differently than them. They become jealous and want to live their lives over by snagging onto their daughter’s lives. So when the daughter out comes is a lot better a mother becomes resentful . Some mothers don’t know how to respect boundaries and think just because they are the mother. They think you’re supposed to always jump and ask how high. Not realizing you’re your own person and allowed to be and make decisions on your own. My mother never respected my preferences In who I choose to date. I like the choice of dating outside my race my mother likes her own. So she think that just because she likes who she likes I’m supposed to like the same. She never respected my decisions or my boundaries so I speak less to her. Because we are two different people and she knows that. Her life isn’t my life and my life isn’t hers. But some moms think they can live their life through that of their daughter. Instead of correcting whatever it was they did in their own life they’d rather latch on to their daughter’s life. Which always back fires on them in the end!! Daughters speak up and shine your always good enough😊

[@coconuttrees]

SO ACCURATE. THANK YOU for saying this truth exactly what I am millions of others are facing . So many mothers especially in our community are bitter , envious and in competition with their daughters . They end up with a life they didn’t want then try to confuse and derail yours too .

[@childofgod3120]

Bingo!!!!!

[@tashaskillom9627]

Series, please! Part 2,3,.... I'm here for it!

[@sierraw7824]

spot on!!! thank you:)

[@millybadze2117]

💯💯💯💯💯💯🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@agoodreadsgirl]

Hurts so much when your first love (mom) calls you her worst mistake. 😢

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Yeah, but they had s#x to have you. And kept on having it.

[@YourUncleJas]

@@agoodreadsgirl you’re a blessing rather she sees it or not. ♥️🌻

[@agoodreadsgirl]

@@YourUncleJas thanks Angel 😇

[@Diva9000x]

My mother NEVER liked me or my 2 sisters. As adults, we figured that out. As children, we gave her a wide berth. She was a cold piece of work. When our mother became ill, we sent my adult niece (Niecy) to Indiana to talk to our mother to gain insight into why our mother treated us like she did. My mom never wanted to discuss this topic with me or my sisters, but my niece, the 1st grandchild was the "Golden Child." We knew Ma would talk to her & we were right. My niece flew in and spent 3 days with her grandmother before she became chronically ill. When Niecy got back home, she called me & her mother. Niecy told us "She loves y'all but she don't like either of y'all". We knew that, but we didn't know why. Niecy said that Ma wanted the lives my sisters & I have. She was jealous of us. My mother was born during Jim Crow and most women couldn't decide to do anything but be married & have children. She wanted to go to college & become a nurse, but growing up in the segregated South, she thought she didn't have that option. Niecy couldn't get Ma to talk about the traumas she suffered growing up. A lot of our Black mothers went thru things that they took to their graves. Those things shaped who they became, and who some of their daughters suffered through. My mother was an excellent code-switcher. In public, she was elegant, poised, well-spoken, gracious & stylish. But at home? Chile... My friends did not believe it until they saw it for themselves. Everybody didn't have June Cleaver or Clair Huxtable as a mother. Thank God for our Dad. He was our rock!

[@rubyjaxson]

This is horrific; my mom loved me so much and I loved her until she left this earth; I have 3 girls and one son and love my children with all my heart.

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Congratulations

[@inerit5175]

My dearest mom treated me like a precious jewel! THANKS

[@crystalc820]

THIS WAS GOOOOOOOOD!!!!! We as black women from all age groups need to have & hear this conversation!!!!!!! Jennifer is good!!!!!

[@TerriTemple]

Narcissism (deep insecurities) and worldliness (putting things over people) is the cause. We must break the cycle. I was abused by my mom yet I broke the cycle with my child.

[@ThePhillyfashionista]

Same here

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@koereyelle]

Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp

[@alomaalber6514]

book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, it is a m health issue with them. And the borderline never seeks help either. These are complex issues, do not blame self.

[@PrettynBetween]

I just officially cut my mother out of my life as of a week ago. This podcast really opened my eyes to a lot of the behaviors that I have because of mother wounds. From being a perfectionist’s . I have two bachelors degrees and I was in the military. And I still feel the need to achieve more. From never asking for help, to being indecisive.. all of these things I do not knowing that it’s because of the damage my mother has done. Thank you for this ❤❤❤❤l

[@chanettelaing4664]

Same I think a lot of us are waking up

[@lakivias6930]

Wow, same here. Perfectionist, two degrees and military as well.

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

I cut my mother off over 30 years ago. Like you, I too am an overachiever. Always too afraid to fail because I knew that unlike other women, I did not have a mother or stable family to fall back onto.

[@alomaalber6514]

Narcissistic and Borderline are not taught until Ph.D ( told to me by a Ph.D) as they "ain't the paying customers) they will never go the shrink they require. Book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Hope this helps.

[@ElisaCee123]

My mother was the first and only person to ever call me out of my name, ever. She called me a "female dog" at age 13. I was shocked because i have never experienced that before. The verbal and emotional abuse continued from there. She is 6 ft under now, but it was extremely bad when she was still here. I forgave her her and did therapy for awhile. Thank you so much sis for this much needed convo ❤️

[@goddesshealing2448]

I'm an only child. My mom hates me always has. The abuse she put me through is crazy. I've had family members say, they're surprised I'm alive/survived. Smh

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Those family members were enablers. Easy for them to say all of that now that you have survived it all.

[@Verti2LuTaylor]

I feel you. I’m the only child and now I have to take care of her. SMH!

[@goddesshealing2448]

@managingdirectorkingswards6324 Wow I never even thought of it like that. Thank you 🙂

[@tonijohnson5606]

Jennifer Arnise....this is beyond finding your niche...this is creating your own space...respect to you

[@PrettyP001]

"Our mother is the water that we swim in," how deep, and so true, especially my mother was the most toxic person in my life, which is why I no longer speak to her til this day: POSITIVE VIBES ONLY!🌞🌞🌞

[@sonyaphiri8502]

Hi❤

[@Wyzdom1974]

Real Talk‼️💯

[@Laura_Wallace_AI]

So good! I still have to watch my back with my own mother. I am afraid for her to have my address due to the fact she may show up or hire someone to follow me or harm me...I am afraid to introduce her to my adult friends because she will get their numbers and fake like she is being "motherly" and then dog me out to them, to prevent me from having emotional support/love outside of her...I thought I was an oddball growing up and the only one going through these things...I still won't tell a man I am dating until after we are perhaps, engaged...because people look at you different and don't get it unless they are living through it. I made it through, but there is a fine line in forgiving an extremely toxic mother and protecting yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. She is still a predator. And I have made peace with that. I show her respect when I see her. I even visit her and my father about once a month...but I keep it light and leave it at that.

[@Ms.TRainwater]

You’re not alone.The way you wrote this, I thought it was an old comment of mine. God has us, if He didn’t we wouldn’t have made it out alive.

[@Sashaspotpie554]

I can’t share anything w/ my mother because she harbors jealousy n tries to sabotage my life n relationships. She used to be beautiful, charming n male identified and will do anything for any man’s attention n acceptance. She slept with my boyfriend when I was a teen so she won’t be around my husband bcuz of her competitive nature. I cut her dirty azz off‼️ I won’t look back for nurturing bcuz it’s not in her. My life has never been better 🙌🏽

[@deviousjones3046]

Your story is very...similar to mine! But guess what?! We made it! Thank You Jesus!

[@vfree4579]

If you said all that I will never if I were you be alone with her. She sounds extremely dangerous

[@Laura_Wallace_AI]

@@vfree4579 My middle sister has advised against it. She is never lone with her. My mother is genius level smart so she will cut you in a conversation and you don't even know you have been cut...until you think back on the conversation...and you are like...how did she do that without me even being able to realize it was happening? I have gotten smarter and figuring it out and will aggressively, yet respectfully correct her and she backs down...but it took so long to learn how to do that...now I just limit her access to me and when she can't see me when she wants...she will call around trying to ask questions about me...even though I visit my parents...they don't know where I live. And my Dad is trapped there with her...paralyzed on his left side from a stroke...so in order for my sisters and I to see him, we have to come to her home...and it is the only reason she takes care of him...to keep people coming to visit otherwise, she knows...no one would come see her from our family.

[@michellecampbell3181]

This is crazy!! Im so glad a lot of people speaking up!! I am so surprised how many of us have felt hatred from our black moms. Wow this is deep. Lets break this cycle. My mom hates me because i broke every generational curse after leaving her house at 13 years old. I got an accountant career, got married at 30 and have my first baby at 34. I appreciate her carrying me for 9 months but I am my mom and thats okay because i am good at it. So its all love ❤️

[@daniellem578]

I think my mom feels she’s in competition with me. The hate my mom has given me at times has been hurtful. One time she said to me” that’s why you don’t have a MAN no one wants you!”….😮 that cut so deep! She really has issues.

[@makeitcount2985]

Reply, I don't want a man. I'll leave them for you

[@alomaalber6514]

book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Takes a long time to figure it out and THEY will never get a therapist. a kind Ph.D told me "they ain't the paying customers" so it is not even taught until advanced psyche and should be. Years ago I had a chance to marry a very kind young man who was quite wealthy, we met in a college class I never would have ever met someone up THERE. She said he will not marry you as religion is different! They are jealous of everything and cannot see how your progress COULD help THEM. Cheers. Do not blame you!

[@sweett8129]

My Mother was there physically but mentally checked out. She was deep into Religion and used Jesus as a shield to hide from the real world. She treated my younger brother like a king he got whatever he wanted. Didn’t have to do chores, work, she did it all for him. He treats her like $hit now that we are grown. I barely speak to her because it’s so draining. She didn’t teach me anything about life, money, Men, Nothing. I was on my own to figure it out. 😢

[@koereyelle]

Thanks so much for watching!! Jennifer is hosting a Free Masterclass soon! You can register here: jenniferarnise.systeme.io/motherwoundmasterclass 💕

[@SH-vj2ce]

I could have wrote this entire paragraph. My mom was the same. Even still to this day.

[@girlinthecity2304]

My mom is the same. When it comes to matters of womanhood, my mom completely dropped the ball on that. Didn't talk to us about fibroids, even though she had a hysterectomy in her 40's and, I had my fibroids removed, thank god I found a good doctor that saved my uterus, but had I known earlier, it could have been avoided. Also, we just recently found out from someone else that she had breast cancer. You would think she would tell us that too? Of course not, but nagging and accusing us of stuff we didn't do? She won't forget that.

[@childofgod3120]

Same here, I thank God he’s given me the ability to go on with my life.

[@rockyblue2378]

My mother was the exact same way we are estranged for 2 years now she treated her son better than me the youngest child her only daughter

[@candicane1]

Listening to this and reading the comments, I never thought I could love my mother any more than I already do, because my love is beyond infinity for her. I do have a deeper level of respect and love for my mother now because she was and is such an amazing mother to me. She’s literally phenomenal. This makes me appreciate her even more. I cannot imagine having a different mother who didn’t love or support me, or was abusive towards me. My mom is in her 70’s and we are so close. Now I understand why so many other girls and young ladies looked at my mom as their “2nd” mother-figure. Continue to get your healing ladies. 🙏🏽

[@kooliecurlz93]

Literally how others look at my mom too. Even when I was younger friends would always tell me I have an amazing mom and I would be so confused but as I got older, it made so much sense.

[@candicane1]

@@kooliecurlz93 we are truly blessed. 🫶🏽

[@chansweaver2836]

I don't know how I found this channel and episode but I am so grateful I did. I hit that subscribe button so fast. The host is so beautiful for being honest and vulnerable about her mommy issues.

[@BeatbyMe114]

Please we NEED a series! Part 2….we want moreeeeee

[@CelesteViciereLMHC]

I’m a therapist and I agree with you!!! I don’t put the mother on a pedestal when people are struggling . As healing begins they start seeing the parent and their full story!!!

[@alomaalber6514]

I did my mother's care she lived to 102. It helped me to really see her and her struggles, but you know the borderline will never seek council. She was good student but had traumas in 1936. In marriage she COULD have taken a course but she did not. She could have lived some of her dreams before I was born, she did not. The daughters are expected to "parent" the parent. that is just wrong and sort of impossible. Also the borderline is jealous of everything and nothing. Book Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers might help all your clients. Also my mother thought Mommy Dearest was a comedy! Cheers. signed, was never thin enough.

[@shenquejames7598]

I have a ministry I started to deal with this. I love this topic! Ladies, keep talking we can change a generation.

[@christinasession8013]

I’m curious to learn more about the ministry you’ve started.

[@Visionary921]

​@christinasession8013 me too because God isn't in this conversation at all.

[@qay7586]

What is the ministry called?

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Well done for starting a Ministry like this. Church is not enough.

[@alomaalber6514]

book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Hope it helps your group/ministry.

[@susieblanco2722]

I hate that “doing their best” no tf they don’t

[@frenchieinnapa]

Some of them are not even trying

[@susieblanco2722]

@@frenchieinnapa facts !!! Let alone saying they are doing their best smh

[@alomaalber6514]

they truly do not have the skills to do it, or wish to learn those skills but you can.

[@SheisKee]

Please make this topic a series! This woman is a national treasure.

[@erwillow2095]

This conversation is SO NEEDED! There are so many Black women with mother wounds (myself included). You ladies fed my soul!🥰

[@AB-fc5kl]

I’m only 5 minutes in and I’m already invested. It feels so good to not feel alone. Thank you for talking about this.

[@cookiemama9756]

*Sigh* I'm raising my hand, as a 40 year old black woman, I've experienced this same thing with my mom. My mom is very mentally immature still til this day. Im praying for all my sistas! I love yall!

[@koereyelle]

Thank you so much for watching💕 Jennifer is hosting a free online workshop if you’d like to join: jenniferarnise.systeme.io/motherwoundmasterclass

[@alomaalber6514]

book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Many young girls are "parenting" the adults. I hear ya. DO you for YOU.

[@YourUncleJas]

@@cookiemama9756 you’re not alone, we love you too 🌺❤️

[@sekhmetselam1228]

This made me cry in so many ways! Listening as a wounded daughter and A healed Mother!!

[@koereyelle]

♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@kenyaleatham8535]

I am so glad that these conversations are being had. I had stopped sharing things about my relationship with my mother because I would be shamed so badly. For years I thought I was a unicorn. We are estranged now and I wish her nothing but the best and a journey of healing for herself. I am done being the recipient of toxic hurt from her childhood. I wish you all the best on your paths to healing and recovery.💞

[@MisaKeiJune]

I remember exactly where I was, how old I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing, and why I was crying to my best friend for the umpteenth time about "Why doesn't she like me? Why doesn't she love me?". So when My mom told me just last October, the depth to which she hated me... Even though I knew when I was 6 that I would NEVER be enough -Not even good enough, just enough- It hurt to hear her say what I already knew in my wounded child's heart. I haven't spoken to her in almost a year, and to be frank, I hope I never see or hear from her again. If she died tomorrow, 2 things would happen: I wouldn't care, cry, or show up to the funeral, or, I would show up to the funeral, and stand far away from everyone as a representation of how I felt separated from the family, and wear my favorite colors just to make it clear that I don't respect her. Even in death. The "She's still your mom" statement is repulsive to me. It Holds no weight to me because she chose everything over me. Money, sex, alcohol, men. I was merely an accessory to her life, and nothing more. She *knew* she could be a better parent, she just didn't *want* to be a better parent. Her Mindset was "You can do better, but not better than me." When the Loved experiences of a person are nonexistent or are overshadowed by the lived experiences of a person, you get what you deserve. If you don't want people to have negative experiences of you, perhaps you should treat them better.

[@autobotdiva9268]

block. no contact. move if needed. periodt. im no contact

[@toppagirl]

My mom wrote in a card for my college graduation. I never wanted you to do better than me, but to be better than me.

[@toppagirl]

@@autobotdiva9268currently no contact for 7 years.

[@autobotdiva9268]

@@toppagirl well if that isnt a malignant narcissit. i would never contact her again.

[@MisaKeiJune]

@@autobotdiva9268 I had to get a restraining order because she started to harrass my friends and my adopted family

[@jayjay1443]

It's because they never liked themselves and are jealous that their daughters came out looking more beautiful than they did. I have two daughters and still struggle to understand how a mother could hate their own daughter. I look at my daughters in awe all the time. They're absolutely amazing and beautiful

[@ibabechanel]

THIS. Damaged women.

[@moniquestallings9538]

Speak. Exactly how I feel. People are turning against me due to not wanting a relationship with my mother. Very good discussion.

[@roblyrical9949]

This was one of the more informative, insightful podcasts I've seen in a while. So thank you both for this. Something even as a man I've been dealing with with my mom, which seemed to get worse around my teenage years when I started searching for my own autonomy not only from her but my family as well, so it's always nice to see other people put things I've felt into words. Topics like this are equally as reassuring as they are heartbreaking because I hate to see other people have to not only experience this, but move through life with the residue of it. Plus, as black women, I couldn't imagine how much more crushing/defeating it is to have to deal with. Much love to yall and salute for having the courage to fight to be who you actually are, not just for your kids, but for yourselves as well. Side note: There's a book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish and it's a communication book geared around children but it has a lot of practical exercises on how to communicate with kids that translates really well when we use it to self talk to our own inner child. Jennifer mentioned the importance of reparenting ourselves and that's a resource that's done wonders for me.

[@KiamberMichelle]

Part 2 definitely we need to talk about the financial stability of the mother. Being overwhelmed as a single mother and how to treat your child.

[@joyariffic4217]

Omg yes!!

[@goodlife8044]

I struggle with guilt of speaking on how I was treated because I don’t want my Mom to look bad to other people.

[@cynthiajones7608]

So very real! I have a mandate to write and I am stuck because of what others will say 😢

[@YourUncleJas]

Speaking YOUR truth doesn’t make her look bad. HER behaviors make her look back. Please work on not carrying that guilt. You’re allowed to speak on YOUR truth. If people don’t understand or judge that’s on them. But as another healing daughter I hear you, I understand you and I stand with you. ❤️

[@goodlife8044]

@@YourUncleJas Thank you 🙏🏽

[@veramaaaaaa1154]

Be careful on how you go about it, let God lead you. Remember, maybe this was done to her too and she never figured how to heal herself. Don't punish her, and don't reduce her. Seek good counselling before going on about it. Jesus Love you ❤

[@user-oh2be4ut2y]

@@cynthiajones7608heal from shame and expectation

[@sabrinac1742]

It’s a cycle. My grandmother was treated badly by her mother, and they are still not close. My mother also had bad experiences with her mother, and then she passed on those bad experiences to me. May my mother rest in peace. I rarely received motherly love from her and was often put into adult situations. When I was in middle school, I got into an argument with my mom about my father, who was incarcerated at the time. It had a profound impact on me, and I threatened to harm myself with pills. She and my grandmother used to compare me to my father, saying hurtful things about him. I struggled with being called lazy, lack of care for my mental health, and lack of emotional support. My mom was embittered by my father's mistreatment of her and took it out on me. While I knew my father wasn't perfect, I didn't want to be in the middle of their conflict. During my younger years, I experienced depression and severe anxiety. I was quiet and awkward at school and got bullied for it, so I had to deal with bullying at school as well as at home. All of these experiences made me a loner. My dysfunctional home life growing up still affects my mental health to this day.

[@koereyelle]

Thank you so much for watching💕 Jennifer is hosting a free online workshop if you’d like to join: jenniferarnise.systeme.io/motherwoundmasterclass

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

Yes. We really have to protect our mental health. Most people are not happy when you start to push the hurt of your mothers insults behind you and start to work on yourself. They want to see you 'down and out' and crying over the issue. Keep working on yourself ,eat good, look good, smell good and pray.

[@kimlogan1278]

She was so very right when she said that this is an isolated topic. There are many wounded daughters out there that are afraid to talk about this topic to friends, family, or anyone. I use to talk about it with my so called closest friends and some of them really dont understand because they weren't treated that way, or some of them will try to treat you the same exact way. After decades of learning this, ive stopped talking about it to anyone. People really dont care or they see you as the problem. Its a lose lose conversation.

[@alomaalber6514]

book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

[@ionlycompetewiththewomaniw5429]

Well this was very eye opening, and it confirms the decision that I made 10 years ago. It's good to hear another intelligent lady that is understanding, and not come with the same "Well you know you only get one Mother BS" This is the first time that I've felt understood, and validated, with someone understanding my hurt, and not trying to coddle the abuser. I wish I didn't miss the course, but I will be on the look out for the next round of courses....THANK YOU> This message is greatly needed.

[@thespiritualkinect941]

My mother was abusive to me and is still a terrible mother to me but my younger sister she treats well and tries to make others favor her over me as well but it never works. We have different fathers mine she hates and my sisters father is the man she loved and couldn’t truly have.

[@sundeecathey1748]

🎯🎯

[@BenjiHer97]

I can relate to this! 😩

[@overallwellbeingmatters4214]

Wow that is heartbreaking 💔

[@tamikabrown8539]

Wow, I have a very similar experience with my Mother.

[@Iknowyoulovethischannel]

Same here

[@a.m.edwards9674]

Yes, please have her back to discuss the impact on careers; high and low earners. Thank you for bringing this topic forward with clarity and dignity.

[@hanagreen1909]

Black girl, I need you to be all the things that nobody has ever been to you." Wow, I needed to hear that! Jennifer Arnise, thank you for speaking that truth, for holding up that reality for us to see.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I didn't have a good relationship with my mom or dad until my mom got sick with ALS. She needed someone to take care of her. Now that my mom & dad are gone I have very little contact with my DNA relatives. I have many older brothers & sister but they were cruel to me & my children. So I feel so very free not allowing those abusive ppl in my life! To raise my children I had to read books on parenting & take parenting classes. I had no role models in my life atmosphere. No one around me I saw as a parenting role model.

[@koereyelle]

Thank you so much for watching! Jennifer is hosting a free online workshop if you'd like to join: jenniferarnise.systeme.io/motherwoundmasterclass

[@autobotdiva9268]

Keep the distance trust. My brother lives 12 minutes & honey i keep it pushn

[@alomaalber6514]

book: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Her sisters did not have the traits and discussed it all with me late in life, but did not have words to describe it.

[@myakay1]

Rooting yourself in the fact that this is a remnant of chattel slavery really aligns me with the work that still needs to be done for my children’s sake.

[@indigozen4794]

Alot of Black mothers love their daughters too!

[@claudiajones356]

I certainly hope so

[@donnab.333]

I agree. Unfortunately that will never be focused on.

[@kebzy]

@@donnab.333 It is not that we don’t focus on the love they have for their daughters. The bigger topic is that they love and treat their sons better. This is a real thing.

[@wisdomknowledge7247]

@@kebzynot all mothers.

[@donnab.333]

@@kebzy It happens all around (i.e. mothers favoring only their bio sons, mothers favoring their bio daughters, or mothers favoring everybody else's children but their own). This is a real thing too. Just because you're not around it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It exists. And stop acting like this only happens with Black folks (those southasian people will give you a run for your money). However, on these social media streets, some people tend to focus only on their trauma bonding, & from what I have observed, when it comes to Black folks they love focusing on how terrible, horrible, & how they hate their Black mothers . You either have how black sons hate their Black mothers (this was in the mid-2000s) & now you have how Black mothers hate their black daughters. One thing I have noticed when it comes to other ethnic groups, they will focus on how horrible any family member or whoever else was horrible to them growing up, as well as, giving credit to the parents, relatives, etc. that were good to them as well when they were growing up. This is why it is so important for Black Women to go live their LIFE & NOT have children if they don't want them. Please use protection & if accidents happen, please take care of it. Don't hold your lives back to raise a child/children if you really don't want one/any. Black women pursue your dreams & your purposes in life. In this way, Black women won't have to worry about having sons hating them or them hating their daughters because neither of them would exist.

[@esbevco]

This was the podcast episode I needed to hear🙌🏼🙌🏼 ; except it’s too late. Now, my mother has dementia- and all the shit she shoveled makes no difference if I’m past it, or not. She can’t remember it and I need to keep her disposable underwear in stock. The days pf her life she recalls the most are the days before I was even born. My mother is gone. She is now MY child and her parenting - good, bad or ugly - is in the wind.

[@managingdirectorkingswards6324]

It's probably too late for alot of us. And our own mother's do not even have dementia!

[@dee_scussions]

Our mother's can't give what they don't have. We are humans and will have deficits. Hopefully, as time goes on, each generation will get better.

[@CarmenSD]

Starting with many women realizing they don’t have to be mothers!

[@sheenabean222]

@@CarmenSDYep!! 👏🏽 I’m remaining child free by choice.

[@elethumatu]

this excuse does not apply to their son's thou... so it becomes a direct mistreat... they do it very much aware..

[@TerriTemple]

but the problem is they don't want to change. they don't want help. it is evil. they are evil.

[@WaleeahBrooks]

Then they should take the steps to heal and take accountability

[@Lee1Min-Ji]

This whole thing was sooo interesting. My biggest gift and curse was the ability to look past self or society imposed titles from birth. It’s refreshing to see how others think.