Why Female Friendships Are Vicious and Toxic - An Honest Convo About Women's Alliances

[@lwedel3361]

Just stumbled across this... it is a pretty sad topic, but definitely a reality for many of us. I turn 40 next year, married for 13 years and have 6 children. I am a confident woman, without close female friends that I see face to face on the regular. The women I do see often are those who I cannot avoid. Women I see at my local gym, school pick up and family events (in laws etc). I experience quite a lot of interesting behavior from women who are jealous about my fitness level (considering the amount of children I have), those who are salty because I am a SAHM and just women who are salty because I am happy and smile a lot. Women can be mean. I am in no way competitive with other women. I do not wear make up and do not dress to be attractive for other men's validation. This is liberating. I do find that many women are able to be friendly towards me as I do not believe I threaten them (due to dressing down and not appearing to want to get men's attention). That said, some women are outright mean at times and I can only put this down to them being jealous or insecure, as it is not reasonable behavior. There is nothing I like more than being in the presence of genuinely kind, warm and outgoing women. I love women. I love women who love to encourage and lift other women up and I am certain that it is absolutely possible to have female friendships where there is no malice and back stabbing. But it takes emotionally mature women who have a good heart.

[@digitalbrandingservice7056]

the issue is poverty.poverty creates a behaviour pattern with women. when all your friends have money an their own. Their behaviour is extremely different. Why , because everyone has their own

[@sandysan177]

I wish we were friends. No jealousy, no competition, pure care, kindness and good times. 😊

[@bumblebee_ms]

New to your channel, and everything you said resonates with me, and you hit the nail on the head. Been burnt by every female (and male), so I stick to myself now and I finally have peace in my life.

[@Lelosii]

Sometimes that is exactly what you need 🤩❤️

[@sandysan177]

Dats why i dont talk much with neighbours and women at kids school pick up. I stand waiting outside school at a far corner so that i dont have to chat wth them. All they do is crib abt the school timings, the whether, discuss house rent and fees . I dont do all that. I just wear my sunglasses and stand in a corner till my kid comes.

[@dolphindeerwolf]

Thank you for this 🙏 I have struggled with female friendships so much over the years and it's reassuring to hear this. Nobody told me this before but it makes a lot of sense. I have 1 good friend right now that's it. Every other female friendship is very surface level

[@Lelosii]

❤️

[@mqua4610]

I also have stumbled across this video and found it totally spot on 👍. I hope more people will view this video. You have analyzed this perfectly-how women view friendships, competition, and how resources have a part in women’s friendships. And you have also analyzed aging women well-how they can let go of pretending and jealousy and enjoy other women just for the sake of their company!

[@redpillqueen8888]

No superficial friends. No thanks.

[@MalazTX]

Great points! I agree!! Thankfully I was blessed to have a variety of great friends growing up. But now at 31 I don’t have any super close girlfriends, mainly because I moved over seas haha, it’s ok though, it’s for the best. I know that I can easily make friends anywhere, anytime but I choose not to invest in friendships much anymore, plus I’m married & have a toddler so I’m already always busy w/ that + focusing on my glow up 💓

[@brittanyluvsyouso]

This is the best take I've seen on this topic and would love to hear more about how to deal with competition with women in families. Like for example why mothers, mother in laws, daughter in laws, sisters and sister in laws can clash and how to avoid this.

[@NadiaPink]

Hi I am a new subbie. I am loving your channel. Great topics. I usually stay to myself. I am tired of being disappointed in friendships. I like to keep my female friendships light,casual and superficial.

[@Cultivatingjoy07]

Very interesting study! This seems to indicate or assume automatically that any woman who is doing well would have some kind of secret hidden dirt that could completely destroy her life if the word got out from a jelous girlfriend. Maybe the key is simply not having any dangerously dirty laundry to air to begin with! Personally my Mr already knows all of my most personal of secrets so nothing any other woman could tell him would ever phase him. I think you have some very good advice though to share because it is always wise to look at the motives of others, nomatter what gender they are, to help one figure out if they are safe, healthy people to keep around, or perhaps just toxic instead. It makes a lot of sense that once a woman has a family to care for, that her girlfriend friendships would certainly no longer be a number 1 priority in her life.

[@TheYugovic]

Sad, but 200% true.

[@lils6696]

Yes women are 100% more competitive with eachother. Of course they compete for the best and highest value partners, but also those of us who are entering the workforce need to compete for the highest ranks. There are already very few places in exclusive careers, and often even less spots for women. It was shocking for me to see how savage and fiercely competitive women are for these positions. Instead of helping eachother and sharing knowledge, they're extremely clever in how they gatekeep, sabotage and compete with eachother. It's much less honest and blatant than male competition. I hope this doesn't deter other girls from entering these careers, but just beware of the competition and know how to play ur part!

[@digitalbrandingservice7056]

competition is an illusion.

[@PuertoPrincessa15]

The best advice I have seen on KZbin so far! Please post more on this topic. Please give advice on how to react and have the upper edge over other women who want to use and copy you.

[@deannapav]

I loved this video, definitely puts things in perspective.

[@libertylady8462]

Thank you for spoiling the real tea 🦋

[@mxxx3591]

A lot of women are as you say, but not all women are like this.

[@Jjonescp3]

She actually said this in the video as well but that’s for reiterating

[@ting-ting7001]

I am an artist, so I can relate. I only have 3 good female friendships. My best friend who died 12 years ago. And my 2 friends from art school. But I don’t see them often because they’re in different states. Yes. Those friends that I haven’t seen them years. When you just go back to where you left off. I have had awful experiences with gay men and women during high school and college. And with women who are much older.

[@lils6696]

I really enjoyed this video! The topic, your presentation, everything was well organised and extremely informative! Its my first time seeing ur channel, hope to see more from u:)

[@Lelosii]

Thank youuu 🩷

[@jeanpedro-sp7jc]

The variety of textures in the amzrepo pack is impressive. From smooth leather to textured suede, there's something for everyone.

[@tabitha3555]

Do you know whether or not female competition is the same in matriarchal communities? It’s very easy for me to believe women are this way under patriarchy because we are all taught to hate women and live in a scarcity mindset. My other opinion is that women confuse friendship with alliance. Allies are solely made for the purpose of meeting a certain goal or serving a purpose in some way. True friendship is something that is built on love and support.

[@Lelosii]

Yes I think it is because of the patriarchy and the patriarchal mindset (the man works, woman at home with the kids) that it is this way. But not only because of that. Even in places and environments where there are predominately women working and the boss and ceo are also women, this still happens. So even in places where there are no men around this is still a fact

[@hp8087]

This is just so sad. ☹️

[@juliehodges4755]

Some massive generalisations ... not all mothers love their children and put their children above themselves there are some horrific examples which wouldn't take too much time for you to look into.... but let me give you a mild microcosm example ; my mum who was not a 'motherly' mother ,she still does not know what degrees I have from university (psychology LOL) what my interests are and she was never been like that.... if I was out 3 am in the morning and at the age of 17... I had no money to get home it would be no use calling her.... She fed and clothed us however she spent the extra money on herself whether it be jewellery or cosmetic surgery... If you wish to speak to her (as a child or now!) you must speak upon the subjects that she is interested in i.e. the men in her life and how beautiful she is for her age.... I don't have Instagram, Twitter, Facebook any of the social media and I only watched this because I am a bagaholic and was watching your Vids on Hermes when it just automatically went to this one... the studies you cited were dated and you may wish to know that going right back to our cave Women days ,many studies are now reevaluating and finding that women did actually hunt and participate in more than gathering and childminding.... There are examples throughout history of women warriors, Boudica for example... As for being more competitive than men I would say it's equal and in much the same parallel behaviours... The Real Housewives of Blah are not great examples of women's friendship to follow... Especially men and I mean mostly white middle-aged men in power like to see us that way and encourage this perception... these are the friendships that seem to be highlighted

[@Lelosii]

I appreciate your take on this. So interesting to read! It might be true what you said about men wanting us women exactly in that “women hate each other” position. Of course there are friendships and true friendships, but they are rare. So sorry that you have a mother like that! Must have been very hard to grow up like that and having a “mother” like her. But again those are more exceptions. Nothing is a 100% true. ❤️

[@juliehodges4755]

Thank you I always enjoy your videos it's good for the mind to do research and be open to different opinions (whether they all have as much value or not can be debated)... There was a Harvard study which concluded that only 40% of women had strong maternal instincts..... Another study( I can't remember from where) theorised that you are not born as a female with maternal instincts they are either learnt or manifest after childbirth... Like the so-called lesser mammals who have an instinct for sex and then once the babies are born the mother becomes maternal... Although Studies have seen higher primates grieve over a dead baby and look at other mothers with children with yearning... Anyhow, probably boring you now....My childhood was interesting but it did teach me to look after myself and to be strong which isn't a bad thing.... PS I only subscribe to you and another channel on vintage designer bags... I just loved your sassy attitude when dealing with the problems of the new Chanel bag...@@Lelosii

[@TheCosmicCleaner]

I’ve noticed the women who talk the most about friendships are the toxic ones, you are the toxic one and I was waiting for you to say that you were the one who cut nice people off, and you did. Don’t talk about building women up and competition whilst you’re doing the exact same thing

[@shubinshrihan]

I still love my LV reverse monogram #kkuwan clutch! It's versatile, fits a variety of items, and is definitely a workhorse! I think seeing it everywhere (like the LV speedy) is proof that it's already a classic.