why I threw away my old journals 💫

[@Rkive.wonderland]

Found this so relatable, younger me only journaled when I was angry or sad and I never enjoyed looking at them so I threw them out .

[@ellesbooks]

A lot of us were the same, I think! Glad the video resonated with you :)

[@pointeplusplus]

I've heard of some people keeping a separate "burn book" journal to vent about things that they don't want to read again but just to get it out. That way you can keep the journaling sections you want and destroy the venting

[@ellesbooks]

That's a good idea, actually! Might give that a try for the entries where I need to REALLY rage haha

[@CapucineF]

Thank you for making a video about this. I threw away all my journals too a few years ago and I have never wanted to go back to them or regretted it ever since. Journaling is about emptying and processing. Not memory keeping. It was amazing to say goodbye to them.

[@ellesbooks]

You're very welcome - and thank you for this comment, it's super validating! I'm glad tossing everything was a positive experience for you too!

[@mechanoir]

I've thrown out my journals on two separate occasions. The first were the ones from my childhood/teenage years for many of the same reasons you spoke about in the video - it was a difficult time I don't want to remember... so in the bin they went. The second time, it was just because I didn't want to hold onto the person I was during that time and they represented that - I've been lost and depressed most of my life and had finally come to a point where I am happier and more confident in who I am and where I am in life. I understand myself! But before I threw this second lot of journals out, I scanned them all first. While I don't have the journals themselves, I can still look back if I wanted to. And I haven't! As for the first lot of teenage musings/whinings, well they can stay in the bin too!

[@ellesbooks]

It's so interesting to hear that so many people have done this! Scanning in the pages "just in case" is a great idea, too. Glad you're in a more positive time of your life now! 😊

[@NotebookOverloadd]

Thank you for this great video and giving my video a shout-out was so sweet! I relate to journaling to wallow & ruminate so much. For the longest time, I thought journaling didn't work for me because I always felt worse after writing, instead of better. I've thrown out a ton of journals throughout my life and sometimes later would beat myself up over that, so I really appreciate this other perspective about why throwing out old journals can also be part of the healing process on its own. Love this video so much.

[@ellesbooks]

You're very welcome!! And thank you so much for sharing your experience - it's super validating!! I'm a firm believer that a journalling practice should change based on what you need from it at the time... And sometimes, that means trashing journals when they no longer serve us!!

[@DaniqueBrew]

Hi Ellie! Love your video's so much!❤ And I totally agree, if the things in our lives are holding us back or don't serve us anymore there is nothing wrong with letting it go! Love the changed approach to journalling! Sorry to hear you have a cold. Feel better soon, and don't feel bad for when/what time you upload, I think we can all be happy to part of your journalling journey you share!

[@ellesbooks]

Thank you so much for the kind words, and for the support/reminder to look after myself ahead of the videos! Happy to report that I slept for 12 hours last night and now feel pretty much better already 😅

[@DaniqueBrew]

@@ellesbooks That is good to hear!

[@woofytron]

wow, i relate to this so very strongly. i only recently stopped throwing out my journals! it's only been in the past 4 years that i started keeping journals. before that, just like you, i only journaled about negative things. i struggle with depression and anxiety and A LOT of my journal entries pre-2019 were very negative, and often rereading those entries threw me back into that head space (i did the rumination thing also.) so i pretty much always threw them out after a year or so. it's only been in recent years that i journal more holistically so i feel like i can keep them now!

[@ellesbooks]

Sorry to hear you struggle with depression and anxiety too :( that’s interesting though about keeping them more recently! It sounds like you’ve found a journalling practice which works for you, which is always a good thing 🥰

[@justineeyereese]

Totally understand your point! Personally, I didn't keep any journal when I was in highschool. I finished my first journal when I was in college already. That, I kept. And the journals for 2022 and 2023. The ones I didn't keep was the one where I started to go for a bullet journal, more of like a planner, setting up dates, months, mood tracker, etc. but, I would end up comparing my journal to others here on youtube that I don't keep track of it, got sick of planning... What really worked for me is just mainly self reflection, memory keeping, doing art, that sort. And like you, the planner I have now is already done for me and I just use it whenever I have some important stuff.

[@ellesbooks]

Oh I totally understand the comparison side of things, I still do that too sometimes... But truly, as long as a journal works for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! I'm glad you found a practice that works for you 🥰

[@kimanna_]

Really excited to see a new video and I loved it. I think it is really brave of you to throw away your old journals. 15 years is such a big part of your life, but if I listened carefully it is pretty liberating and now I feel tempted to do the same. Only I dont reach for them to read because I basically feel too anxious for what I wrote in them.. they just sit there in a box.. thank you for talking about it :) 🫶

[@ellesbooks]

Thank you so much for the kind words ☺ Liberating is the perfect word for it! It definitely felt that way for me. I totally get the anxiety of not wanting to read them back. Sometimes, it's okay for us not to look back and to focus on building a happy future 🥰

[@mtchob]

I've only wanted to throw out one journal. in 2022 I got one of the coveted common planners and was so eager to use it, I jumped into the blank pages early and began journaling as soon as I got it. At this point, my ex and long long time friend and I had realized we were close enough together (in terms of miles) to go for lunch and actually hang out again... I think we were hoping it'd turn itself into a date really.. so i was Journaling about this coming up a lot and how excited i was, how much id missed seeing him every day, etc. The day before we were to meet up, I texted then called to confirm details and I got no response. I tried again the morning of and same thing. I was sooo bummed. I had assumed maybe he was busy and felt guilty ab canceling?. I wrote ab all of this in so much detail, being bummed, a little angry even. The following day I still hadn't heard anything and I was mad. That night i had a sudden strange gut feeling and I googled his name; he had died the day before we were to grab lunch very shortly after the last time we talked. I never cracked the spine on that common planner again, no planning pages ever got used, it's mostly empty overall. I still can't bring myself to open it even to look at a blank page, but I can't bring myself to ever throw it out.. I think when a person is gone, you just want to know everything ab them to remember the realest version of them forever, unclouded by time passing and rosey reflections... for that reason, I won't throw out any journal even the truly negative ones in my worst days, just in case someone wants to know it all, all the way thru, when I'm gone. I would trade my soul to have that of him had he kept any journals ever.

[@ellesbooks]

I'm so, so sorry you went through that. I completely understand you wanting to keep the planner. Sending you so much love and support

[@cabinetteofcuriosities]

Absolutely loved journaling with you. Thank you so much for being brave and talking about such personal things. You're being an inspiration! ❤‍🩹

[@ellesbooks]

Ahhh thank you so much Kat - that means so much 🥺

[@isabelledoran3594]

Im really enjoying this series btw ☺️

[@ellesbooks]

I’m so glad!!! 🥰

[@norademi]

I can 100% relate to throwing away 15 years' worth of journals because I've done that myself 😊 They were just teenager rants and being dramatic. I read through them, had a good laugh, and threw them away. The significant things that happened, I remember those and I don't need to remember high school 😆 Anyway, thanks for making this video. It validates my decisions.

[@ellesbooks]

I'm glad you found the video validating - I also found this comment extremely validating 😅 sometimes, you just need a clean break from that part of your life y'know?!

[@CatholicAmanda]

I agree. I threw away a whole 25 gallon tub of journals that I had from grade school through college when I last moved. I just wanted to start over and nothing in them was that important. It was mainly rants and then meditations or reflections on different things. I couldn't come up with a compelling reason to keep them, so they got tossed.

[@ellesbooks]

@@CatholicAmanda besides anything else, it's a great way to save space... moving always seems to reveal just how much "stuff" we've collected over the years 😅

[@tatisehn]

I did the same. Scanned some of them because I thought I might regret it but its been years and I haven't looked back. Now I have a morning pages notebook I can vent on (and throw away later) and keep my journals solely for good or important events.

[@ellesbooks]

Ooooh scanning is such a good idea! Wish I'd thought of that! And morning pages is such a great practice - really cleansing for the brain in my experience!

[@trueblue9898]

Interesting video because I also have that one journal full of unwanted memories and processed trauma. I started journaling when I was 18 in 2016 because of anxiety from school (the fifth year of high school in Italy is very challenging) and past events that made me angry but never processed. That giant 250 pages notebook is full of me ranting and venting against people that are no more in my life. It’s so full of unnecessary drama and every time I read it I can only think just of how much I improved as a person. That notebook was useful to empty myself from those emotions but maybe I should get rid of it in the near future…

[@ellesbooks]

I'm sorry you went through that difficult time, and I hope things are better for you now! ❤ It sounds like the journal was really there for you when you needed it - but, totally fair that you might not want to keep it either!

[@heatherk255]

Interesting video, Ellie! Thanks for sharing. I too kept journals when I was younger and was having a hard time, but I haven't thrown them out or even really thought about it. It was interesting to hear your point of view. Looking forward to seeing your system update!

[@ellesbooks]

Thanks so much for the kind words, Heather :)

[@hanchad]

Hi :) your autism q&a vid was suggested to me which led me to this one, and wanted to say snap! Late 20’s, 15+ years of mental health difficulties, late diagnosed autistic, stray cat mum and lots and lots of journals, however I haven’t thrown mine away. When you said you used them to ‘wallow’, it hit me a bit because a lot of my journals were that, just pages and pages of difficulty and plans of what I was going to do to get myself better (but never did…). Only when I stopped journaling like that routinely did I start making progress mentally! I’ve started doing memory keeping, occasional stream of consciousness and am debating starting more creative journaling. Thanks for sharing this, it’s given me something to think about & keep it up! (I also love how freely you speak about the things you like in your q&a & how at ease you seem doing so, it’s inspiring & lovely to hear, & also wonderful to hear of you doing well at the moment :) )

[@ellesbooks]

Ahhh thank you so much for leaving this comment - it's always so validating to hear from people who've gone through similar things and are in similar situations! I hope things are better for you mental health wise and that you're in a good place in life too ❤️ so happy to have you here! Also feel this came at a good time - I was veering into "wallowing" journalling again and this is a reminder not to do that!! So thank you! 🥰

[@hanchad]

@@ellesbooks aw yay that makes me happy to hear! Thank you too, yes I am not ‘better’ but I am better than I was :) I’m glad to hear it could be a reminder to not wallow! Processing is ok (and good) but don’t wallow, you’ve worked hard to not so don’t go back, you deserve better!

[@ellesbooks]

@@hanchad thank you so much!!! 🥺❤ Glad to hear you're doing better too!

[@Raven_and_a_Writing_Desk]

I've loved all your videos and this one is so special. I am in the same boat for me it was always only less than a year or two, before I'd go through the journals I'd written in when I was going through traumatizing situations. I've probably owned 20 journals (I'm 25) and I've only elected to keep 3. I felt wasteful every time I'd get rid of a journal or maybe pages from a section in a journal. I realized a while ago it was better for my current mental health, to not meditate on my past mental health and bad experiences so deeply. I love this video and it adds validation to rid myself of those writings and not seeing it as a waste. It felt necessary at the time and it served its purpose but it can no longer serve me in a positive way if I'm looking back on it and it keeps stirring up negative emotions. it's like I couldn't move on. Thank you for this and all your videos. They are inspiring and encourage me to move on and start fresh.

[@ellesbooks]

Thank you so much for the kind words 🥰I hope things are better for you now - and I'm sorry you went through tough times too! ❤

[@WitNWhimsyWrites]

Ooo I really enjoyed this chatty video with some interesting perspectives! Thanks so much for sharing 💜

[@ellesbooks]

Thank you so much for the kind words! So glad you enjoyed it 🥰

[@007stardust]

Great video! I also threw out years and years worth of journals. It was very freeing. No regrets. Before I tossed them I made myself go through and review just to be sure I didn't want to keep them. I was surprised how much I didn't remember at all and how reading about these times in my life did not magically bring memories back. It was like reading a stranger's journal. I just couldn't relate to this person I'd been before. Reading them seemed quite pointless and honestly, pretty boring. I still love to journal a lot (pages every day) but have no pressure on myself about it, it's more about the process of discovery than creating a product I'll want to keep forever.

[@ellesbooks]

This is a really insightful reflection on the whole journalling process! Tbh a lot of the time, it is just a tool for the “present self” to process things. There’s no guarantee the “future self” would actually care about all that 😅

[@KarmicAngel]

I got rid of my negative ones as well. I am also currently condensing my other into a large journal. Am copying the good and stuff I want to remember and leaving out the venting. I vented and got it out of my system so keeping it is good for no one esp me

[@ellesbooks]

Love the idea of copying out the good stuff! I considered doing that too but honestly I was too lazy lol - so all power to you for actually going ahead and doing it!

[@MandaPandaPlans]

I understand this. I burnt all my old journals and photos from a section of my life. It isnt a time of my life i want to look back on and it was so therapeutic to watch it burn away

[@ellesbooks]

I can imagine - that must have been so cathartic!

[@allyleech]

I’ve thrown away my teen journals too. I have one that I’m holding onto from when I moved out of home in my early 20’s but I think I need to get rid of that too. Thanks for explaining x

[@ellesbooks]

Glad to hear it's not just me who's done this! Thanks so much for watching :)

[@ThisWomansBrain]

New sub, I am completely enjoying your videos and topics. I appreciate you putting into words why you tossed your old journals. I have spent way too much time regretting tossing mine for those few entries that would have been fun to relive while knowing that virtually all of the others were written when I was really depressed etc. I would have gained nothing but feeding my gloomy moods if I could go back to them. Thanks.

[@ellesbooks]

Thank you so much for the kind words 🥰 I'm glad this video was helpful!

[@melissabennett6571]

I was not expecting this video so be so positive and inspirational. I agree that the bullet journal to hobo cousin pipeline is very common. That’s how I ended up here too.

[@ellesbooks]

Oh I'm so glad that the positivity came across! I didn't want this to just be a rant haha, I'm glad I seem to have managed that. And wow, that's so interesting! I wonder what it is about the Cousin that draws us all in...

[@melissabennett6571]

@@ellesbooks I remember that for me, it was about the daily pages. Most planners don't have them (or if they do, its a wildly overpriced planner that only comes in quarterly books and is very limited), the cousin had all the layouts I set up manually in my bullet journal including daily pages. Easy decision.

[@ellesbooks]

@@melissabennett6571 Yes! It really does have it all!

[@ZiaLinkZen]

As someone who has passed the 6-0 life milestone, I was horrified... couldn't continue listening. Now a day later seeing these comments, I hope you "commonplaced" a few of your own younger-self thoughts. I can understand wanting to move on, but trust me as your memories fade, it's EXTREMELY valuable to have records of actual events, dates when you want to write a memoir or just reflect on your life. I am so grateful to have lots of calendars, journals and planners from the past 20 years! So, those who haven't yet destroyed records, at least MINE them before tossing and start keeping the kind of info you will appreciate in a few years! GL!

[@ellesbooks]

I can totally understand the horror, I think a lot of people would feel that way 😅 While I haven't kept any specific journal entries, I definitely have kept other mementos of that time (photos with the important dates attached, tickets and documents about important events etc.). Someone else mentioned in the comments scanning in old journals too which I kinda wish I'd thought of at the time! But oh well. What's done is done, and I don't regret my choices!

[@ZiaLinkZen]

@@ellesbooks One of my faves (maybe going forward for you) is a 10 yr journal I kept starting the last year of my 25-yr gov job and covering my first 9 years of "retirement." I'm only retired from government, not life! That covers extensive traveling, something I can't do right now because of an eye injury. Just sayin' ENJOY!

[@ZiaLinkZen]

PS -- that 10 yr journal (pretty large but only a few lines per day) also includes writing my first novel and my first non-fiction book. That was a lot of angst, but also the victory of publishing. Such valuable info to have. Write on 🖊

[@ellesbooks]

@@ZiaLinkZen Ohhh congratulations on publishing! What an achievement. It must be great to have the record of that process.

[@knitwitchcraftingpodcast]

tbh i started journaling when i was 11 or so and sometimes i wish i didn't get rid of some of the oldest stuff just to be able to look at stuff

[@ellesbooks]

I totally get that. Especially at that super young age, I often wonder what type of things we'd have journalled about/cared about!

[@OktoberJournal]

Ohh I did not expect you to name drop me :x Thank you~! I am glad that I was helpful! It's such a step, but for some of us it's one that's very good! I genuinely had a big stress leaving my body when I got rid of mine :) Proud of you that you did it too! :D Thanks for sharing, as always

[@ellesbooks]

You're very welcome! Your video was so good and an interesting look into someone else's reasons for throwing everything out! :) Thank you for the kind words too... and for pointing out that incorrect link, I've fixed it now! This is why I shouldn't upload videos when I'm ill 🥲

[@moi379]

This is so interesting.The 2school years of my life when things went to shit, I stopped journaling. And when I remembered I had a journal I found myself wondering wtf happened that made me this way. What was I thinking was I scared of my problem/others problems or was I just minimizing it? Was I purposely keeping myself up at night, was I genuinely tired bc my thyroid was already broken? I think not keeping a record of my declining mental health makes getting better so much harder bc I don't know what I have to work through exactly. So that's why I'm keeping my rant journals 16yo to now. Althought I did start seperating fun or surface level life journals from deep and "ugly" therapy journals. Maybe I wont need those once I figure myself out (I'm 23) but then I think of how disconnected I feel from my parents. How frustrating it is they made me feel like a failure just for them to casually mention that they ALSO dropped out of uni, had debilitating anxiety, have some mental and physical illness that runs in the family... I think it's impt to not trash the ugly family secrets or the memories of teenage/early adult hood. Bc every generation seem to forget what they were like and love to talk shit about the new one when we could all use a bit more empathy. See I'm clearly in my rant phase still 😅 I did get better at not wasting time with the petty stuff but for me ramble journaling is about working through stuff instead of avoiding/minimizing them.

[@ellesbooks]

That all makes total sense to me, and I can see why keeping those journals is helpful to you! You're so right that it's important for us to acknowledge the difficult things in life rather than pretending they don't exist (and maybe harming others in the process, like some older generations definitely do...) I hope things are better for you now, mental and physical health wise - sending care and support your way!

[@moi379]

@@ellesbooks Thanks a lot for your kind words. I try to spend less time on youtube but I'm glad I saw your video. A whole meal for thoughts!

[@ellesbooks]

@@moi379 you’re very welcome. So happy to have you here :)

[@plan4life]

The purpose of journaling I think is to work through the difficult things in life, it’s a kind of healing process you go through and should be used to gain new insights into your past situation. I think the fact that you threw them away (I certainly could never!) probably indicates that you have worked through a lot of the past. You recognise that a lot of the negativity was just typical teenage stuff and you don’t relate to it anymore. Other stuff that you just didn’t want to read about anymore I am guessing are still very sore points for you and perhaps you still need to process them but in a more healthy way. I am glad you write in a more balanced manner now, we shouldn’t ignore the negatives altogether. I journal daily just a small little paragraph or two about each day and I leave all my feelings out because I am generally quite a negative person and when I read back negative things it just makes things worse, I tend not to forget them anyway. But it probably would be healthier to write down my emotions, both positive and negative, so that I can reflect on them later and try and get a more balanced perspective. I think journalling is an ‘art’ in that way and should be used as a tool for growth - I am certainly working on this in the future.

[@ellesbooks]

This is super insightful! You're totally right - I definitely have worked through a lot of that past stuff now. (Shout out to my therapist for that one, lol...) And totally agree about acknowledging the negatives. I personally used to find that if I didn't get that negativity out somehow, it would just grow and grow inside me until I got super upset. (It's not the same for everyone, admittedly!) I hope you find the journal practice that works best for you!

[@georgina4874]

I rip out old months now. I am looking forward to throwing out March. I save sentences (when necessary).😅

[@ellesbooks]

Honestly that sounds like a great idea - very cathartic 😅

[@georgina4874]

Relatable 🎉

[@ellesbooks]

🥰🥰

[@juliaforsyth8332]

I'm thinking of doing that too, but I'm older. All I can see is journals filled with bitching, whinging and whining and it's depressing reading! I'm not as negative as I was but not sure how to proceed with more positive styles of writing.

[@ellesbooks]

I understand that uncertainty about how to get started with a more positive practice! I started by just trying to write 1-3 good things that happened each day, even small things like "had a particularly tasty cup of tea." Once I got into the habit, it was much easier to find things to write about!

[@juliaforsyth8332]

Thank-you!@@ellesbooks