Why INTPs Break Up from a Relationship

This is just my personal experience. Please, INTP, share with me yours!
Snapchat: EricTheINTP
Patreon:
/ erictheintp
Check out my album:
www.empyreanma.com/music
Instagram: empyreanma
www.empyreanma.com

[@katherineperez8155]

Me (An INTP that has never been in a relationship): I should watch this...

[@angelfernando5327]

Yeah.... Same here...

[@Demise09732]

I got you kid, however you need to focus on your goals before you get into a relationship

[@ayamohmoh6791]

Lol same here. I do have friends they are infp we do get along,but I've never been in a romantic relationship before 😂😂. I suddenly broke up with some friends before tho.

[@TFSuperCrew]

I’m an INTP and want to inform you, relationships are good if u have some one who UNDERSTANDS you.. if your partner can’t understand you it will drive u crazy and it’s a draining process ..

[@jamesloving2357]

I am an INTP and I say you should watch this. And the voices in my head also agree.

[@julie198]

INTP here. I begin relationship in observer mode, often excited about possibilities. As I go along and the person I’m dating reveals more information, I reassess if the relationship “makes sense” in the long term. The question I often ask is “are we a good match” “are we on the same page” and “can I trust him”.

[@nidsalim7911]

For me it starts as a science experiment, flirting act like a sort of training ground to read a person. A personal project, if you will. But then they start pursuing, and I start investing myself emotionally, then they start seeing my true Ti and Ne, and run for the hills.

[@brianmead7556]

The main reason I end a relationship is realizing the person I’m with is a long-term liability, who holds me back.

[@Fanny-bm8gq]

INTP here! Some of my exes still don't understand why I stop romantic relationships so suddenly and coldly. I accept their flaws and their mistakes, they make me suffer but I stay because I focus on the things I like about them... Until I can't. And one day, for one mistakes, suddenly I lose all my feelings, and there is no turning back from that. I would like to add that some guys are very very very good at making mistakes, like criticizing my body, comparing me with their exes, shouting, flirting with girls in front of me, ...

[@federicanardi7227]

Exactly the same for me

[@rosl.]

Just here to agree further

[@briana177]

Mood

[@unknownturtle8056]

I feel the same but for friendships because I’ve never been in a relationship

[@sinisterkitty8411]

Yep, only I put up with even less, and cut it off sooner, and yeah, they're like WTF? But why explain? If someone doesn't know how to be a decent, considerate, sensitive human being already, my INTP self sure aint the one to teach them!

[@m-_._-]

You can tell it's an INTP video because every comment is as verbose as an ESFJ wedding planner explaining their seating chart.

[@dppool456]

😂😂😂

[@juliaf7481]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@mrchaotiq]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sylviaowega3839]

Yes, we do act a lot like ESFP’s on steroids when surrounded my our fellow INTP’s. Lol

[@Spudson]

Sponsored by God

[@linyenchin6773]

Not God but writers of the bible...

[@anduro7448]

@@linyenchin6773 the holy trinity

[@Z3X5N7]

God is an INTP.

[@Siara87]

@@Z3X5N7 God is what you want him to be, it's just in your head.

[@hunzo4432]

@@Siara87 i couldnt agree more. the outside world is a reflection of inside our minds

[@CrystalHurd86]

To get an INTP female... be straight forward and honest, pursue and let her take her time if she needs to... because she does! She needs to see consistency of action (establishing trust) before she can truly let her guard down. (She may like you a hell of a lot before she tells you). What you’re talking about is sort of in early commitment stages... when they’re not truly committed and they can still walk away fairly easily. Once it’s been decided, BYE! In commuted relationships it takes a hell of a lot for INTPs to leave. It’s very common for them to put up with a lot when they love someone. Again, once it’s been decided.... 👋🏻

[@sinisterkitty8411]

We are open-minded chameleons--especially us female INTPs, who are always encouraged to be nice and not hurt feelings We give people a chance--because it's fair, and ignore red flags--because "Maybe we don't have ALL of the information"... But love is more visceral than we care to admit, and God knows most aspects of humanity get on our nerves all the time anyway. Basically only .1% of the population could have a successful relationship with us long term. So obviously we need to develop a more systematic strategy for weeding prospects out early. One of you should definitely get on that...

[@appletree6898]

I'm an INFP, but I relate to this so much! Well said.

[@anne6691]

I relate too as an ENFP.

[@grilionreal]

"One of you should definitely get on that..." Expectation: A bunch of professors huddle around a desk and start investigating. Reality: The huge room full of INTPs is suddenly full of people nervously looking to each other and hemming and hawwing about how to not have to work on this heavy investment in analysing emotions which is a struggle for all of them. A few of them seemingly completely shut down, obviously working on it in their heads, which they will forget in the next 5 hours to 5 days and won´t ever return to it unless they formed a habit of writing it down. Everyone silently prays to any higher power or power of probability that if there will be a random draft for mandatory volunteers, they won´t be the ones chosen to sacrifice- eh I mean assign the task to.

[@blovergirl9154]

A systematic way that I think will work despite only having dated twice: Step 1: Write down a criteria. Your criteria, more commonly known as your standards, should be made of things you absolutely think are necessary. I can see other INTPs like me wondering if that's too harsh, that everyone is different, that the standards might get too accurate and they won't find anyone - however hard it is, ignore that. I'd say that to avoid making your list too precise or too open, have at least 6 solid points/standards. And don't get into too minute details in those 6 points either. If you need an upper limit, I'd say 12-13. For example, mine: - Should be independent to the degree that they're capable of. - Should not be impatient or quick to give up when it comes to feelings, misunderstandings or fights. - Should be caring and not an undercover psychopath who's only getting close to me to hurt me. - Should be non-judgemental, not fully but at least not judge people or make assumptions based on first glance on a regular basis (of course, if the need calls for it then so be it) - Should be accepting of my decisions - Should have the capacity to correct my thinking if they think I'm wrong, or to warn me despite me having already made a decision they deem unfitting of the circumstance. - Should be a little different, just a little bit unique in their thoughts. Of course this can't be done after just a few days of knowing someone, so trying to find this out should give you ample time on getting to know the person. - Should be humble, at least to the degree where they are seen as having somewhat normal morality. - Finally, should not ignore or talk their way out of their flaws, but try to accept them. Step 2: Find the actual courage and confidence to go out and find someone if you're interested in dating, and not just online. It might take a while but once you start peeping out of your shell and observing people a bit more closely, especially around your age group and/or people who coexist in similar joint institutions (work, school, college, university etc) or social places, you'll find that there are pretty interesting people all around you. Step 3: If you feel that you find someone who fits the criteria you made, start spending time with them and getting to know them more. You can't get into a relationship with someone only a small time after realising that they're a potential partner, nor can you convince yourself that you could be in love with them just because of that realisation (I learned this the hard way). Take your time and persevere through the emotional burden you might have, because love is a complicated and many-layered problem to solve which can't be solved by logic or rationality. Step 4: Once you get into a relationship with the person, you'll see some changes in yourself and in the person you're in a relationship with - if they're a good person, they will start taking more responsibility or start supporting you more in your aspects, as well as becoming at least a little bit more vulnerable around you. Of course, this depends on people's love languages and personalities and whatnot, but either way, you will start to observe changes in them. What you then have to do is to explore what these changes make you feel, looking past the rational decision-making which is common to us INTPs, and bring out those emotions which you feel so deeply and personally, and let them decide. If you feel (notice how I'm saying feel, and not think) that these changes are acceptable, and perhaps you might even like them or be touched/feel loved by them, then you're good to go. You should also start expressing your own feelings more, once again, start letting those personal emotions become public, even if it's only to that person. This will take time, so don't be bothered if you're afraid or feel too vulnerable by doing it. Step 5: Steel yourself for any fights, because there will be ups and downs. Remember at all times: if you truly love this person, you will not be able to risk letting them go. Keep a cool head even if you two come to a misunderstanding, and please do _not_ emotionally shut down. Make the atmosphere between you and your lover one where you feel safe letting your emotions out (in a gentle and noninvasive way, mind you) and where they can feel safe letting out theirs. Remember what your feelings for this person are. And if you start finding flaws, if you really love that person, you will find things in your interactions which cause those and try to cover them up and fix them, or talk to the person about them. These feelings don't have to come when you two have established a romantic relationship - often, things like these happen in long-lasting platonic relationships too, so don't try and confuse the two. And well, that's my analysis. It's different for everyone though, and much of this is based on personal experience which could wildly differ from anything you might find in the world nowadays. But hope this helped. - A fellow INTP.

[@blovergirl9154]

@@grilionreal congratulations, this motivated me to actually do it. Thanks.

[@pateto_21]

Keeping my relationship with other people or even my friends is alway tough thing for me.

[@cassidymav]

As an INTP I tend to drop a relationship after analyzing if we're compatible enough to grow together equally. I also need a lot of space and not everyone is ok with that, some people may even think of that as not caring :(

[@Duality333]

Most do, I need a lot of space esp if the person is overly emotional about things and then they become overly emotional about me needing space even though I’ve told them….ITS NOT YOU. Yet they seem to think for some reason it’s them

[@federicanardi7227]

Of course I have been in this situation. All the times. The problem is exactly what you said. I ignored the signs, the red flags, and focused on the positive aspects. Not only. I tended to rationalize too much the aspects I didn't like in the other person, trying to analyze the reasons and understanding them. This has often brought me to accept unacceptable behaviors questioning my own mindset more than listening to my emotions. Then I arrive to a point where I figure it out and all of sudden I don't have more excuses to stay with that person. That wasn't right for me since the beginning but, instead of discussing every issues as they come up, I have put them togheter, like pieces of puzzles, by myself, without communication. And when the puzzle is finished, if I realize I don't like it, all the feelings just disappear. It would have ended like that anyway, but we would have had more discussions and the other person would have understood what was going on. Instead I stay there, rationalizing, processing and analyzing in silence and when I'm done I'm just done. Which is bad. I am learning, while getting older, to develope and trusting more my emotions and to discuss them more directly even when I am not sure they are absolutely rational or I have processed and analyzed them in depth.

[@elenagergis359]

I completely understand what you mean, I went through the same thing.

[@Musashie]

I went through the exact same thing and i noticed the problem as the guys I left were completely shocked by me breaking up with them as everything went fine in their opinion and they didnt see it comming. And then it doesnt matter what effort they are willing to make, because when I'm done, im just done, the feelings are gone as if they have never been there. But I noticed, critisizing your partner the moment it actually bothers you doesnt really work as well. So I just became extremely picky and whenever I feel, like I'm not treated the right way I start distancing myself and just take a huge step back, which is what worked the best for me so far.

[@federicanardi7227]

@@MrJjasson you are right. Let's say unacceptable for me.

[@purplemind93]

federica nardi yes yes yes!

[@DreamQuillRose]

@@zaidarivas7152 You make it sound like a political meeting between two countries. Having never been in a romantic relationship, may I ask: is it worth the effort? And if it is, please talk about why, and what is it that your partner does for you that makes you want to go through the stress and hassle of negotiation?

[@NicoleQuimper]

im an intp girl and ive only been in one relationship.. the reason i cut it off coldly (which seems to be a common intp thing) was that the guy i was dating started trying to make me jealous by talking a lot about another girl, flirting with her in front of me, and just generally showing some attitudes that were not kind towards myself, and instead of making his goal come to fruition (which was probably me getting jealous and getting clingy or whatever the heck, like maybe he wanted more attention or something), he actually made me feel like he didnt care about my feelings, and specially that he was a bad enough person to do that, so long term it wouldnt work out because an inherently bad person will do things against your interest for their own gain and wahtever attitude you see in the rpesent is a pattern of prediction for the future, and the future usually magnifies it. Its kind of like thinking in reduction tu absurdom style, and plastering it in an exaggerated way, so utlimately in the long run i saw many conflicts arising or me just plainly feeling uncomfortable later on to an unacceptable degree. Thats why i cut it off seemingly all of a sudden and coldly, i just couldnt see myself dating someone seriously if theyre not morally on my level ( I would never do anything on purpose tu hurt anyone i care about, fo r my ow selfish gain), but it took me many days to come to that conclusion.. even weeks if i remember correctly. Suddenly i realized what i wanted and my feelings evaporated and i was 100% done with that experience. He never saw it coming though, because i kept playing along until i was done deciding and poof! i was gone. I already knew he was my ex since the moment he tried to make me jealous, though. never try to make an intp jealous.. it wont make them jealous at all, youll just get instantly discarded.

[@gyrachman]

Yeah, that just happened to me as well, just a month ago.. it's making me crazy after i cut him off as well. Now I don't even know if I wanted to be in love again

[@Loralu192]

So, what happens when an INTP tries to make YOU, an INFP, jealous? Help me understand what that was about? It was strange and off-putting, so I left.

[@leonacavalcante8014]

@@Loralu192 that's a nice question, really. I've started my relationship very young, but that's not an excuse for what I done. I used to make my INFP bf jealous either, until he become drained and slowly cut me off of his life. It hit hard at me to think how immature I was doing something like this, and even wanted to apologize. The thing I can say is: we want to know everything, every tiny detail about who we're dating. For me, I did this almost because it was the only occasion he put out his feelings and decided to speak what was in his mind. Eventually, I got to use it as trigger to make him talk about himself. Still don't pride of it.

[@FuzzyBrick1]

As an INTP I would like this comment if it was much shorter.

[@fovarberma752]

@@FuzzyBrick1 Let me try: Epiphany. In this case: suddenly understanding and integrating what you actually knew changes your feelings suddenly.

[@nathangriffin1173]

Dude wtf. I'm an INTP and my current girlfriend is an ESFJ who has a quiet dad, an over-controlling mother and is one of the youngest of her family. And to be honest it does feel like I'm just going along with the ride most of the time... You're a wizard Eric

[@nidsalim7911]

An ESFJ and everything except the younger thing, she's the eldest. Except now we supposed to be on a "break"

[@jessenceq3250]

INFJ with quiet ISTP dad and demanding ESFJ mother, youngest by far. That truly bewildered me!

[@inahafen]

Wow! Here here

[@albasirana4483]

same here, the only difference is that I'm a intp girl and he's the esfj, this is somehow scary 😂

[@crystalgarcia3128]

As a female INTP, I want deep meaningful conversation! I want to know you have a brain and can mentally stimulate me otherwise it’s an immediate drop off. I will “ghost” someone so hard if the main focus is physical and we cannot have an actual conversation. It is an investment. Are you worth my time? Are you worth me opening up? That first REAL conversation determines the course of the relationship 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@Rokiotop900]

I'm an INTP male and think the same.

[@Rokiotop900]

I'm an INTP male and think the same.

[@doryg8616]

I tested as intj-a and i think exactly the same way you do

[@neo7930]

true，I'm a man,and you know people talk so many useless things

[@dutchkel]

INTP female and same

[@PeachBlossomGirl90]

INTP here, and I had the same experience with a friend of mine. She was adamant about calling me her sister, never leaving me, emphasizing how much I needed her and she needed me, but there were things that never quite sit well with me. Most times her contacting me even gave me anxiety. I went along with it for a couple of years, ignoring how I felt about the whole thing. Then I just couldn't take it anymore and ended it. It came as a shock for her, and ended up calling me a fake and a heartless bastard. I suppose all of this could've been avoided by communication, or me stepping up earlier and setting boundaries.

[@rastafaris225]

Done that before. And i kinda felt good yet bad because it was a huge relief but still I just hurt someone who loved me as a brother. So when I thought of it and placed myself in his shoes it would actually hurt me a lot if I experienced something like this but still it was for the better I guess because I don’t want to burn my self out feel and bad again and again. Something else that I really don’t like is when someone presses your answers to his questions 🤬 feels like you just wanna leave them with their questions not knowing the answer forever. Not being able to learn something that I am interested in is horrible that’s why i want that with their questions 😅😂😂

[@valej9387]

Yes, boundary setting is so important!

[@sasha.t3737]

This happened to me except I'm the friend. I was honestly heart broken bc I really valued her friendship. She was the only one I could connect with. She said I was draining her🥺🥺🥺

[@delusionalfan]

oh my I think I am currently in this situation... but I guess I can still go along with it for now... 🤡

[@GrimPassenger]

If anyone finds themselves in this situation, don't be afraid to tell them off, you need to. But make sure they understand and get it. Then make sure you're consistent with reaching out to them as they *should* back off, usually all the way at first, they need to reasses themselves and the value of the friendship. If after all that, no changes have been seen; or they don't catch themselves and try to fix things(you also must call them out and they must respect it); you know you got someone on your hands you need to drop immediately.

[@joannegild8001]

Why did you not mention love? Love is forgiving and accepting. INTPs are, let’s face it, difficult and complex. If their partner accepts that, and them, that is love, and that is what I want and need.

[@DNYL_]

Wish i can have these kinds of experiences... female intp here, 0 relationships since birth

[@christiancarter255]

What's up?

[@katherineperez8155]

Same here.

[@LuizFreelances]

Same -MALE INTP

[@lvtn6312]

same carat friend

[@MazNator]

It sucks, I don't recommend it.

[@nellieb6585]

As an INTP female and I've done this with every relationship I've ever had and I think most of the time I was and I would see all the red flags, try my best to inform my pursuer of said red flags, like you said and try to tell them why a relationship is essentially a terrible idea but still engage in a romantic relationship with them mostly because even though I knew it wouldn't last, I would still want to try for the sake of that person and their feelings and being curious in the sense that I would like to see how it plays out. I'd be lying if I said that some part of me wouldn't have at least considerd having a relationship with the person and perhaps even having some level of romantic interest in that person but it is usually less or should I say, that person would feel more than I do. So inevitably I would still end the relationship - very suddenly simply because I would see that I wasn't what that person needed in a romantic relationship or that it would tend to feel very one sided because I'm not the one who initiates the relationship in the first place and as I've mentioned before, the other person would have stronger feelings for me than I do for them, or I would literally be unable to imagine a future with that person being my life partner. Edit: I realized that the above maybe comes off a bit heartless so the better way of saying it would be I would already know that the relationship wouldn't last from the beginning because observation™ and would have relationships because I would be giving the other person a chance and be open to a relationship and seeing where it takes me and then ending it when I feel the relationship is going nowhere and we're better off as friends and ending the relationship when the person having done nothing wrong comes off as sudden and heartless.

[@purplemind93]

Nellie B hi just want you to hear that you are not heartless. I was told by my ex that I was cold hearted and I haven’t let that go really. So just wanted to let you know that it’s not really true. We are just different from those who articulate their feelings like it’s first grade math (easily that is)

[@DreamQuillRose]

I had the same experience, he initiated the relationship by asking me out. I was willing to give him a chance but almost from the start realized he was not who I needed, meaning not an intellectual. And he was depressive. He was a nice guy though and never did anything inconsiderate to me, so I kept dating him, hoping something would make me like him more, but no. After a few months he told me he loved me and I was thinking "Why? How could you, I don't feel anything that strong for you" and that was really awkward. Eventually I began avoiding his calls/texts until he asked if I was "blowing him off" and that's when I realized what I was doing and finally was honest and we broke up over the phone. I was both relieved and guilty. He needed what I couldn't give him. At least I told him it wasn't his fault.

[@nellieb6585]

@@DreamQuillRose Oh my goodness, yes! I had a the same experience and I did the same thing, you would not believe. It's like "Why do you love me, we've barely been together??" Needless to say, I grew more and more uncomfortable, started avoiding him and the break up happened, I felt so bad but at the same time, its as you said, I couldn't give him what he needed.

[@elijahpedroza9347]

INTP’s are often too optimistic when it comes to relationships that have the potential to grow on them. We like the reliability and chance for improvement in these situations. I think the main reason we cut people off is because we have a very good sense of introverted intuition, which is great at putting all the pieces together and discover hidden truths, but of course it can lead to false assumptions. In the end, you’re right that we don’t hold our ground very well so it’s our indecisiveness that often leads us down these troublesome paths.

[@alphaglucopyranose6928]

I’m INTP and 27 years old. I’ve never had a chance to even be on any date. I didn’t know until now that so many INTPs are actually having romantic experiences.

[@DaBurntToaster]

27 too, same boat

[@fatxpandax]

From my experience as an INTP female, its when the guy pursues, because i would never make a move myself. I would only consider the guy if he makes a lot of effort

[@shepardcommander5174]

Can confirm. Female intp here. All the guys i have started "things" with strongly pursued me that i felt the need to at least try it out

[@neo7930]

I have romantic experience when I'm in high school,and,now I have no interest in romantic experience,which is a waste of time

[@fovarberma752]

Been on my first "date" at 16, pushed into it by a friend of the family. Been in an actual relationship at 17. Blue pill paradise, did not last long. But between the ages of 25 and... 38? (I got old!)... nothing. No women showed up that I've found worth pursuing.

[@mayajewell6911]

Female INTP here. Yes, I have beat hasty exits from relationships before. Though as I've grown, I've learned the importance not just of communicating when there's an issue, but also giving my partner perspective on it. Is it just mildly annoying, or are my bags packed? My goal going forward is to make sure the ends of relationships are not a surprise. As to getting into them. I love the chase. Being chased and flirting with the idea of chasing in mind. Guys give soooo much information when they're in pursuit. I just relax and pay attention. Since I'm not worrying about whether they like me (they're chasing, so...obvs), I'm focused on compatibility and whether I like them. I'm incredibly selective about who is allowed close. So, often guys never get to the chasing portion of our interaction. When my gut tells me they're not right for me, I give them zero sign of interest. Most men eventually lose interest. For jackasses who don't know how to respect boundaries i get super specific about my desire for their absence. My current partner is...i'm pretty sure an ENFP. I doubt I'd be able to get him to take the test...Though. Maybe....cuz, science. He's into science-y things.

[@FrankDAgostino77]

Sometimes, it's a realization of my own inability to meet the other's needs. I think this is tied to a need for competence. Other times, it's a "door slam" to walk away from someone who has expressed a desire to harm me or those close to me.

[@rosl.]

Same here. When they start getting so stressed about the relationship it just doesn't feel worth it. Or right. Like ik relationships have ups and downs but what's the point of being together if it doesn't make you happy?

[@carolharris2401]

I end relationship because of a lie. It wasnt even a good lie either. I actually felt insulted that he came up with such a weak lie.

[@Duality333]

I’ve done it too. Like cheating…I can get over cheating IF YOU DONT LIE ABOUT IT…like I don’t fucking know already. I mean obviously it’s not gunna keep happening and I’ll be okay with it but my god it’s so simple, just don’t lie.

[@unknownturtle8056]

To be honest…if they do something that would like hurt me badly I would just leave them without explaining anything. I noticed this because I left a lot of people for the same reason…

[@lauracooks4926]

I think we finally feel we have a complete data set. Then we make a final decision. Unless there is contrary data apathy results. Apathy leads to termination of the subject

[@jay118]

intp here My reason for ending a relationship is because of either I "fall out of love" or I was never in love to begin with. My first relationship, the man I was with kept cheating on me with someone else. I knew, and he told me he did it because she wanted to commit suicide and wanted to keep her alive. I was foolish then but I let it happened because I genuinely did love him back then. It went on about a year until her broke up with me for this person. I was heart broken, and then a week later he came back saying he still loved me so we were back together again. This time we lasted 3 months and he broke up with me, and again I cried, but it wasn't as much, I knew it was going to happen yet I ignored the signs. He tried to pull this shit AGAIN A 3RD TIME, and I remember thinking, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me Thrice and I'll take your fucking head" I was already done leaving myself open for this asshole and gave him a piece of my mind and told him if he dares try to get into contact with me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick him fucking down. He listened and that was that. He was also 20yrs old and I was 15. A lot of growing happened around that time tbh. This is probably one of few moments in my life that made me have a mental shift in myself and how I view the world tbh. Another relationship I had only lasted a week. I only agreed to be with this person because it was the first time someone told me they liked me, and I was blinded for a moment. But within a day he tried to touch me in places I didn't want to be touched. everyday, every hour he kept asking for me to visit him privately at his place. It was gross and uncomfortable that I realize within the 2nd day he just wanted me for sex. It was terrifying when I called it off on day 5 of us being with him because I thought he was going to hurt me. But I made the right choice to do it in public, because he just said, "okay", shrugged and quickly turned away from me. A douche bag he was cause a year later he tried putting me down because I moved on with my fucking life from him and he didn't. He threaten to beat me up and I always dared him to do it but he never did. Piece of shit. In both I had sensed I was being used as a toy. These assholes tried to manipulate me emotionally/mentally. And in both moments, a wall comes up right away. A wall to not only protect myself from these emotionally abusive assholes, but in general to protect my mind. And if protecting my heart and mind requires me to turn off emotions and face them with the fire burning in me to bURN THEM DOWN A FEW NOTCHES, then it's fine by me, and will always be fine by me. They had it coming.

[@AnnaMidnightStar]

I'm not an INTP (I'm an INFP), but I had this happen to me where I was friends with an INTP for a long time, which eventually became something more, but he suddenly backtracked and cut it off before it could go anywhere. His explanation was that it would become a very short relationship that would never work out like the one you described above. The problem was that it was already too late because of all of the history between us, so we just had to cut it off completely (no more friendship either). It's unfortunate because we got along so well, but I think it was for the best. Also, as an INFP, I tend to find myself in similar situations sometimes where I'm just kinda letting the person I'm dating drag the relationship along but I'm not fully into it and eventually I can't handle it anymore and end things, which often comes as a surprise to them. Maybe this is an INxP thing (getting into relationships that we weren't that into to begin with and then staying in them longer than we probably should)?

[@nachannachle2706]

It is. I've had a lot of INFPs trying that "let's see how it goes" thing on me, before disappearing as soon as the proclamation was made. I then attempted to contact them once to get their perspective, but got a lukewarm "I don't think that it is going to work, etc.". So I took their words at face value and just went about my own business. Couple of months later, they systematically reappeared and admitted to being clueless as to why I wasn't as cool with them as before. I told them that they are nice and intelligent company, but I don't waste my time on "directionless" pursuits. I also told them that, to me, "Exploration" has an expiry date after which people need to realise that they won't live forever and that they need to start being deliberate in building their legacy on this planet. Not sure how they took it, but at least I made my point clear and limpid. :)

[@chewsday5760]

This happened to me too! But I'm the one cutting him off. It's unfortunate, really. I thought we could be best friends forever but I guess I was too naive :(

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

I'm an INTP that seems to unconsciously screen on dating apps for INFPs as about a third of those I'm interested that know what they are fall into this category. Its always the girl in these matchups that runs as I think I ask too many deep questions trying to understand them and their need for privacy pushes them away. I've been burned in 3 marriages so before I risk falling love I like to know what makes them tick and that's too intense for that temperament, yet its their sensitivity that attracts me.

[@appletree6898]

When people meet us, the first thing they encounter is our extroverted intuition, which is very nonjudgmental and pretty much open to anything. What they don't realize, and what we ourselves sometimes forget, is that anyone or anything that gets elevated to an important role in our lives will have to pass through a second door and get vetted by our introverted judging process, which is about a hundred times more cautious and selective. It's difficult, because we INXP's also tend to be tender-hearted around rejecting people. I hate casual dating because of this. Most of my boyfriends started out as friends that I got to know over time, which felt a lot more stable and allowed me to draw my own conclusions beforehand.

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

@@appletree6898 My problem as a guy trying for the friendship first is that if I don't come on strong I'm seen as having no chemistry with them. If I do, I'm out of my element and could trigger the stranger danger. Dating in the 50's is the worst because it seems women want excitement and are very cautious at the same time which is beyond my inferior Fe's ability to finesse much of the time. I've dropped the apps and am retreading the high school acquaintance map as my reputation helps lower anxiety on both sides.

[@nachannachle2706]

You forgot to mention that INTPs often disappear because they have SERIOUS doubts about their CAPACITY to actually deliver on the other party's emotional/financial/social expectations. So, clearly, there is also a bit of fear/apprehension behind the "rational" decision to discontinue the relationship/connection/discussion/etc. Sometimes, just letting the other party know about this apprehension/fear is enough to deflate the situation/tension. Bonus: it gives both party the time to do an inventory of what they bring to the relationship and mutually agree on their expectations for the days/months to come. In other words, by expressing what is holding you back with honesty, you allow both of you to gain clarity and make the BEST decision. Tl;DR: Game theory DOES work, especially when it comes to Human relationships. :)

[@BodyMusicification]

Liked because you're right; but, as an INTP, actually discussing the issue with the other party is too scary! 😂

[@melaniepogulis8635]

I've been in love with an INTP for years. I wish he'd express his feelings and fears...instead they seem to create an image in his head about me and my intentions and expectations but they aren't accurate, then they seem to build up inside of him and he cuts me off. If he expressed them we'd be able to take a more realistic approach with mutual understanding.

[@NikitaBastet]

THIS!!!! It’s like you’re reading my soul LOL

[@generalnikkerson]

Ha, if only it were that easy to discuss this. When I actually tell them my fears, they usually brush it off or ridicule it, but then they still keep having the same high expectations that I just can not fulfil. It is mostly as if I said nothing at all, which makes it worse.

[@zerotwoo9554]

Sometimes it seems like intps self sabotage their relationships

[@globin3]

Head before heart for me. Always. If I feel deep inside me that the relationship won't work in the long term, I end it. I am unable to pursue something that doesn't make sense.

[@mightymidget5571]

I'm in a relationship with an intp. I'm an ENFP sometimes INFP. He's really good in bed very intense and you feel like the only girl in the room when you're with them. He is terrible about texting back. Sometimes I think he might be dead but he apologizes profusely and I'm batshit so I forgive him. If you have any sort of abandonment issues this is not the person for you. They like to talk about deep things and things I don't understand like math and really likes to eat in the projects he is literally a man for all seasons he's a great guy. He's got to have an IQ of words of 180 and I respect him a lot and he's very emotional when we are naked together. Cheating type I can tell he likes long relationships but being an ENFP I am really touchy feely. It's definitely a learning curve first I'm kind of a spaz when I meet somebody so I'm too much for them. You have to turn it down for an INTP

[@ashishkhatri1504]

if an INTP is very quiet and not expressing anything then that's because they need time to figure out all the things involved in that emotion and make a decision of what they feel.

[@sailorcandy6633]

Never been in a relationship, but the reason I stop pursuing a crush is because I become close with them. I realize their flaws I never saw in the beginning. It makes me question whether or not I want to date them. I want myself to be at least 90% sure I see myself having a future with them. If I can’t, I end it. I think I might do the same in a relationship or keep it going to please them.

[@DreamQuillRose]

@Anne O'Nyme Loving someone with flaws is one thing. The problem is when the flaws block you from feeling love for them, only regret that you can't. Then it doesn't matter how long they stay around you, you just don't love them, which is not nice to do because you're basically leading them on into thinking you love them. It's better to be honest, isn't it?

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

@Anne O'Nyme That is the only reason a sane INTP goes outside their comfortable introverted comfort zone to find someone and endure the banal small talk needed to start something. Of course having to be something different to find someone often is setting things up on the wrong dynamic to begin with, but you never find a woman on a dating app calling herself a home body.

[@dreamer75438]

@@rogerhuggettjr.7675 it's manipulative and selfish to do that to someone. I'm guilty of it and realized I shouldn't have done it. Get off dating apps if you are having trouble finding someone and look other places. Obviously it's not working

[@Ali-jz2kr]

“A word from our sponsor” 😂 Thank you Jesus

[@miulisechao3262]

Me as an INTP who just broke up with someone because of a very logical and right reasons but still watching this just so to know why I breakup with someone

[@Ella-qg4bq]

Completing yourself first and then a right relationship comes to on right time effortlessly! 😜

[@yanling_4663]

As an INTP, the way you speak and your visible thought process is so relatable. For relationships, I notice the flaws in the relationship from the beginning, but I choose to ignore it for the sake of being hopeful. When something happens that oversteps my limits and boundaries, I would focus on those flaws to break off the relationships very cleanly and use those flaws to get over the person.

[@shibeyyyy]

same.

[@thanzi4148]

The moment we notice that the person is not "smart" enough that's the end of our relationship casual/romantic

[@Duality333]

True

[@blancheb3533]

Can you please do a video how to DEFINITELY know and INTP is fully in love with you lol. I'm an INFJ with an INTP boyfriend, I looove him very much

[@landreeallen6000]

As an INTP, this doesn't only happen in romantic relationships, but it also commonly occurs in friendships. The most difficult part of my friendships is when I realize I am ready to break off our relationship. But, just as was mentioned in the video I tend to go along with anything in my life (especially friendships) so I dop them just when they think I'm enjoying our relationship. From many experiences I have had recently, I realized that it's best to not enter a friendship or relationship unless you want to and it benefits you in multiple capacities.

[@shadowsan8953]

as an enfp who’s been in a relationship with an intp female who’s done this exact thing to me not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES, i would say even though a lot of the time INTP’s are seeing like “red flags” in the other person and the other person just isn’t compatible, i know i was a great girlfriend tk her and she knows that too. she’s admitted it. sometimes it’s not just the other person or the INTP’s issue with the other person, it’s the fact that the INTP themselves aren’t ready for it, yet they still go with the flow when they are being pursued, realize a relationship isn’t something they’re mature enough for yet, and break up with the other person coldly. and it hurts, it hurts so much. so please, if you are an INTP, take caution when starting relationships, because nobody deserves to be hurt in any way.

[@jodiehamilton8518]

Female INTP here. When I meet someone new I have the ability to FF the entire relationship in my mind and see where the major issues will be. If I don’t thinks it’s worth the effort it ends there.

[@generalnikkerson]

INTP female here. I do basically the same thing. I see the red flags, but there are some things I like and if they pursue hard enough, I might give it a try. Mostly, once I realize that this is not going to work out, there is nothing that will make me stay. I try to be mature and communicate this, even though I am awful at it, but mostly they don't understand, because for them, it was going fine. When I am doubting from the start, I listen, I ask questions, I watch their actions and behaviour towards their family, friends and myself carefully.By this, I collect and find the puzzle pieces that ultimately tell me, if he will care for me, should I get sick, If I can trust him with my financials and emotions. A man who is not loyal to his friends for example, who does not give back money he owes to a friend, or who does not replace an item he broke that is not his, someone how does not visit friends in the hospital or lighten their burden should they be sick, someone who is unable to stick up for friends or family members, they will also not do this for you. What especially irks me is, if I find, that someone is using people, or if he values money too much. Money is great as a tool to be independent, as a tool to support others, but If someone loves money or possessions or luxury more than they love the people in his life, they are not worth my time. Once I find the last puzzle piece that gives me the whole picture, the decision is instant. If this picture shows me, that I can not trust this man in key areas of a relationship, I leave.

[@mariatserpe8730]

I've only had one relationship this far, I'm 17, but it was exactly what you described. I found a guy, started thinking I liked him from the moment I first saw him but I wasn't sure wtf that feeling was at first. Anyways I do the first move and we get in a relationship (he was INFP btw). Everything goes fine for 6 months, I'm the happiest I've ever been, but from this point on I realized he had some issues that affected me as well in a negative way. He was overthinking all the time and super needy and so for the next month I tried to help him get over the flaws that I noticed and really really started to bother me but he didn't seem to actually listen to my advice. A couple weeks pass and I find myself with 0 respect for the guy and completely 0 love to give. I was suddenly a cold apathetic shell of myself who just couldn't stay in the relationship for another moment. And so I broke up with him and we just stayed friends from that moment. It's just so wierd that all these intense feelings disappeared in what felt instantly. My self preserving instincts probably kicked in and took control so I would stop hurting by hitting my head on a brick wall and actually move on with my life.

[@shibeyyyy]

oh my god. same.

[@generalnikkerson]

Unfortunately, this does not go away with time. I think we analyse people too much and then try to help them fix their problems. I have learned, though, that most people do not want their problems fixed, they just want to whine, and then they want us to say "there, there, bubub, its gonna be fine". Unfortunately our brains do not work that way, if someone constantly nags about one thing that is fixable, we will want them to fix it. Since they whine, they seem not to know how, so we tell them how to fix it. Sadly a lot of people do not actually want to fix it, they just want sympathy...so after a while, we lose respect. A boyfriend, who was very perceptive, once told me, that he noticed my love for him disappeared instantly at the exact time that I lost my respect for him. Once we notice that someone does not follow through, that someone does not want to work on himself, does not want to tackle a problem but instead whine about it constantly, we lose respect. I have been told that other women find this trait in men sympathetic, that they then cuddle and pity the men, make them food and love them all the more for it. I can not understand this. I do not mind if someone has weaknesses, I have many myself, the important thing is, to either work on them or accept them and live with them.....but not use your significant other as mother figure who tells you it's all fine, even though it is not. Thing is, you will try to let it go, you will try to tolerate the constant whining, but it will always will lead to the same thing, you will lose respect and with the loss of that respect you will lose your love. There are some rare specimens out there who do want to improve themselves, who do listen to advice and do not whine, we must find them. Assess carefully, do not ignore the red flags in the beginning, because the whining and the neediness starts very early.

[@daniellebriseno4078]

As a INTP female. U explained it Exactly! When i do that Im already feeling like im settling. But im trying to wish for the best. I would rather be open to someone that is a better match.. Its about compatibility. I want it to last. I dont want to be obligated to someone who is temporary. Especially in this day in age. I dont mean to hurt anyone's feelings but i dont want to miss lead anyone. I usually make them start as friends.. So i can get a better understanding of who they are and if its a waste of time and effort.

[@86PrincessTigerLilly]

Yep hit the nail on the head, if I think a friendship would benefit then I try to make one happen but if they're really not on a level I'm on then I'll end it by biting the bullet lol of course I'll have a fully formed reason and be ready for whatever questions they'll have based on what type of person I have figured them to be. It's of course going to be a very uncomfortable situation but I'd rather face that head on to save energy and time for both of us, I'm often labeled as heartless blah blah blah but I remain empathetic and cordial to any unplanned encounters afterwards. Oh I also give them a chance to speak on their behalf to what I have formulated just in case I was missing any information that made me come to the conclusion that a ending was more beneficial to our lives. I am more than usually the one who has to take the initiative to end things though which I loath but I figure it would be better if I do it the way I have planned to make it a more easy transition, rather than just ghosting someone. I also don't like to do that to people either, I feel like everyone deserves closer and answers to endings if they can in life. It might help with self growth or awareness that could be beneficial to them later on in other relationships or just in their lives in general. On another note, I enjoy how you explain our way of thinking, great videos!

[@EricTheINTP]

You said it perfect with, "I also give them a chance to speak on their behalf to what I have formulated just in case I was missing any information that made me come to the conclusion that an ending was more beneficial to our lives." I should have said that in the video. While we may cut it off suddenly, we are also open to being convinced we are wrong by them providing information we may have misunderstood or missed entirely. And the ghosting vs closure aspect is perfectly said as well. And I find in our desire to provide closure ends up making certain types more miserable because they prefer to ghost and pretend the thing never happened. And thank you!

[@86PrincessTigerLilly]

@@EricTheINTP Thank you, I recently had to back out of a relationship.. tricky business but so true in the way we go about it. I just have had enough of what I've been overlooking this whole time and thought why am I even putting up with this again. I was sad it ended but ultimately I feel so much better after getting over with the ending part of it. Emotions ran, I forced myself to feel and process them which was annoying, avoidable but didn't go that route this time (due to another video you made) which resulted in a cleaner break on my side anyway (thx). The other person is an INTJ and they're not taking it well, lots of irrational emotional outbursts resulting in me having to block them out of my life for now because I'm not in the mood to deal with more emotional stuff lol barely can deal with my own lol Felt like maybe I should've just ghosted this one this time, I'm still curious why someone would rather prefer that vs a thought out closer with empathy and good intentions behind it. I also really must say your videos have been extremely helpful in this particular process in my life right now and I'm very grateful to you for putting yourself out here for us all! It's highly comforting knowing I'm not alone and that I'll be ok because I have my people out there!

[@ojgfhuebsrnvn2781]

INTP here. Simple answer in my situation. Too much phone calls. When i meet my partner i could listen to her for a long time and it was ok, but phone calls it different story. because when we meet it is my planned time for it but when it is phone call it "feels" like she stealing time from me when i could do something else. And when we separated, she wanted to be on phone almost 24/7 (in reality its about 7 hours but hey, imagine how big piece of time it is during day). Such extroversion was in her nature so asking to talk on phone less was an insult for her. Though i liked her, such situation gave me no choice but to break relationship. I wonder how she lives now (its been 10 years since we broke up and never met again). Conclusion (tip for extroverts): Introvert consider every doing as "plan" and lying on bed, sitting and staring at wall, eating or doing project and working is same kind of busy for us. It may sound stupid for you but its true and nobody likes their plans ruined right? We can see meme about introverts being afraid of sudden calls and i think real reason is what i described above and not anxiety. (though it plays part in situation when introvert is the one who supposed to call).

[@alexiamonteiro7732]

I think that as INTP's we sometimes forget our intuitive nature, not only are we driven by the pursue of knowledge in romance as well but we pick up on information very effortlessly when it comes to the people around us. As INTP's we have an extensive ammount of information that we keep in our minds at all times and when meeting other people we select from the reservoir of knowledge which information to share with the person, more bluntly, we make up a personality to be able to interact with that person while also analyzing them intuitively and intelectually, so by the time that we "suddenly" split it up with them it is for a multitude of reasons, we're tired of putting up that front that we created and we have picked up on every one of the person's flaws while revealing almost nothing about ourselves, so to put it simply we break up suddenly because of exhaustion, feeling a lack of connection and also for realising that the other person will not be able to keep us fulfilled and interested for a long period of time.

[@patrickwontor2061]

Well put. Very exhausted

[@dreamer75438]

​@speedy_cometwhat they are doing is manipulation and if someone did it to them, they wouldn't improve. That's their inferior fe. I've never dated an intp but have noticed in comments that they do things that they wouldn't want other people doing to them

[@anirasimezakkh2263]

​@speedy_comet not the original commentor, but for me it's because "being myself" ended up in people avoiding me, or even laughing at me. While someone might call it manipulation, we feel like we're just playing by the rules and doing what people seem to want from us. It makes them happy, and lets us have functioning although not that deep relationships. It's not a whole new character, it's still me just with quite a few filters put on. Like for me, I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to comment or explain everything, specially when someone asks me something. I love details, and I love sharing how I analyse something with people, but that's not what most of them want, so I try to keep my answers short, and leave the longer answers for close friends. So yeah. It's to keep people from counting me as weird or even laughing at me, and makes them give me a chance to properly introduce myself to them.

[@sundevil0092]

This is so painfully spot on. The convincing yourself to see through another day, give another chance and ignoring the obvious signs that everything is wrong until you just cant any longer.

[@kalea6847]

Ive been doing it for two years, I guess I didnt realize until seeing this video that this is the reality. I’m still struggling to really cut it off, justifying staying however I can. Its really hard

[@blazingazong]

I did this once. I’ve been more mindful around relationships since actually. This is scarily relatable.

[@entjfemme7032]

INTPs also drop off if they get a hint that they will be hurt by you even without provocations. That intuition comes to destroy any hope of a romantic relationship because they are so sure it would never work out for them. It’s so annoying. -an ENTJ female exclusively dating INTPs in LA

[@linyenchin6773]

My reason for cutting others off is always centred on realizing the degree to which I am incapable of being useful as I intend. I flee, if the other party can't understand~see my flow of intent~action as useful or if they start reading it as an "attack"~liability.-Which is why I am a bad teacher. This is how it is with people in general, it doesn't have to be a confused pretty-face that's lost in her vanity... since most of society is also lost in similar degrees of vanity~insanity. ...!?... I was always the one selected for courtship by women of my past... It ain't ma I.Q but a B.Q(butt quotient) that appeals to women...

[@AimeeVignes]

INTP Female in her 30s here. Being the logical thinking types we are, I always assess if words match actions. Why? Because if people are serious, their own logic between what they want to do HAS to match what they actually do. If there's a 404 Error there, then it's not worth the while trying with that person. I must admit I give people a lot of chances because I give them the benefit of the doubt and even because sometimes I think I'm being too rigid, until I can't give any more chances. Apparently, asertivness and therapy do wonders for us when we become able to finally integrate Fi and actually speak up for ourselves.

[@FitraFadilana]

as long as you have person who can support & cheer you, you won't break up. it is just a matter of person who you have relationship with

[@HappyHappyJoyJoyCebu]

Confidence and self esteem is something that I really struggle. Whenever a guy shows interest in me, as if a guy will ever like me. LOL! I just ask myself if this is real. I will tell myself that I don’t deserve this kind of attention from a guy, maybe he’s just pulling a joke or a prank on me? And whenever I like someone, I just push the guy away and always tell myself that he deserves someone who can truly make him happy.

[@ithit8542]

Same

[@binorboc]

It’s exactly like you say. It’s so frustrating as a female just because of coming across the wrong way. It’s hard to make someone understand that the harder they push, the more defensive I get, especially when I’m never given an opportunity to take the initiative for once ... it just seems crazy to me to think you could pursue someone without even being sure they like you. Their character’s now in question and the possibility of a future goes out the window (Even harder as a Christian intp not always being able to explain why things would never work out)

[@paradyzevybz1252]

I don't mind that it ends cause it always does and I'm ok with it. I don't have to be all emotional and worrying about another living breathing being. It's not that I don't care it's more of I hope they can be as logical as I am. Thanks again my fellow INTP broski

[@Bravo-Tango-7274]

Me who's never been in a relationship "After all, why not, why shouldn't I watch this video"

[@BL00DYR0S31]

It’s better to find out our flaws and be better equipped to find a solution rather than waiting for it to hit us in the face.

[@ks506soton]

As a INTP woman, I need to figure out a guy first off the bat! Need to build a bond like a friendship, see how it goes from there, collect as much about them as possible… all I need is a guy who is readily wanting to pursue, though has their own things going on! So someone not needy and in my face all the time. Someone with patience and actually show a lot of empathy. Empathic is romantic to me, rather than the traditional romantic sense. I am not sure if there are guys like this… I’ve been single most of my life….lol

[@33Jenesis]

What you want is bare minimum. However, a guy can have all that but intellectually barely reaching average, you’d eventually lose respect and interest. I just wrote off a guy who fits all you require him to be. Why? Because he showed me he has no ability to exist in gray area and has zero interest engaged in extrovert intuition exchanges (his texts to me are repeats of his prior texts, very annoying).

[@Oldladies_o7]

Your travel 1 card bit at the end literally made me laugh out loud. -Intj f But yeah, as someone tentatively pursuing an intp guy, its so weird. I feel like he kept pursuing me first and then as soon as I realised I was developing feelings he began to feel more distant. Maybe its because I freeze up as I get more nervous that I'm gonna screw things up. Who knows. I have the intuitive feeling that things won't work out, but ill do my best to roll with your advice and deal with the punches. Thanks for also being a cool Christian influence in the space. It feels lonely out here sometimes. ^_^

[@elnara1]

Eric, please explain, why do INTPs lie? Why do they give you promises and then back off and give silent treatment. I understand and I agree with everything you say ... but I just don’t get one thing- if you don’t like a person - leave the relationship like a normal human being. But no, they give you promises, tell you that they are so happy to be with you and then, BAM! They door slamming you without an explanation. Isn’t relationship is about communicating?

[@nikishri]

INTPs have an inferior "Fe", which means that they're not well versed in the emotional needs of others. I mean, really I can't read my friend's emotions at all and then beat myself up for not being observant enough when in reality, I'm extremely observant about other things. INTPs don't lie to hurt someone, they do it for just the opposite reason. They tell small white lies so that the feelings of others, that they can't understand, don't get hurt. At any time of the day, there is a lot going through an average INTP's mind, so they sometimes make promises they can't or won't keep. If they don't like someone, at first they question their own senses and rationalize their decision to stay with that person. As Eric said, they find reasons (for me they're more like excuses) to stay with a person they're not quite happy with. They stay with a person just as long as the good outweighs the bad. As soon as the bad things start piling up and/or they can't rationalize their decision to stay anymore, they leave. With me, it's a quick decision of whether this person is compatible with me or not. Contrary to popular belief we're not cold, heartless robots. We have feelings too and get hurt quite a lot. But sometimes with our inferior understanding of others' emotions, we hurt them. It's never intentional (unless you're on our bad side). With your INTP, I suggest giving him some space and then asking him questions. If he really cares about you, he will give an answer and regard for your feelings

[@jonathansl109]

I think some more concrete examples would help form an opinion, if you are so inclined.

[@LuizFreelances]

As an INTP, I personally find relationships pointless and stressful..I tend to analyze any type of relationship I find myself, and shortly I end it.

[@eveline1539]

I think I am persuading an Intp at the moment... I'm an Enfp, pulling all the strings and putting in an effort. Sadly I notice, that I'm not really a priority to him. Makes me really sad, because I really like him, and see so much in him. But I don't know what to do. He doesn't even have time so see me at all at the moment. It's not that I wanna see him too much. I would like to see him once or twice every second week, as I am busy myself... But after that video, I think, I probably should stop making an effort :( I will watch the other video you recommended... If anybody wants to help me with an useful answer, I would appreciate it.

[@nachannachle2706]

You are ENFP, a go-getter type that likes to "solve" interpersonal challenges a tad bit too much. So, maybe give the man the chance to WORK a bit on his relationships skills? After all, people tend to undervalue whatever gets given to them on a golden plate when they didn't ask for it. That's why they take it for granted and forget to say "please" and "thank you" after a while.

[@maayanmb3409]

If you want to know if he actually cares about you, you basically should try to check if he thinks about you when you are not together. I find myself try to fix the life of the few people that I really cares about as an INTP. If he try to make your life easier in the small things, you are important to him.

[@eveline1539]

@@maayanmb3409 Thank you so much for your answer. The situation changed a bit. I think he noticed that I'm not putting too much effort anymore. He sends me every now and then something very random (I think that counts of thinking about me, doesn't it? It's not that he's sending anything what would relate to me. Ok sometimes it did actually). And today he told me, that I can call him to chat whenever I want. He knows how important it is to me sharing whatever pops into my mind. He even told me, that he likes listening to me. That he would like to talk to me more, but hasn't a lot to tell, because he isn't doing anything special lately. I'm kind of overwhelmed. It's like getting the person back, I was so amazed about from the beginning. It was probably me putting too much pressure on him. I wanna take it slow and see how it continues. There happened a lot in a very short time. :)

[@eveline1539]

@@nachannachle2706 Thank you so much for your answer. It's really helping me. It's very true what you say. Sometimes I'm a bit over acting and want to move forward or changes fast and get disappointed when nothing happens. Let him work a bit is a very good tip. I started to giving up putting too much effort in the situation and that was actually the best thing I could have done. There is now coming more from him. Probably because he gets the chance now 🤦🏼‍♀️😅 I wanna take it more slowly now.

[@nachannachle2706]

@@eveline1539 I'm glad you are working things out your own way. :) And don't worry, the "overacting" is something I (INTJ) also do in the beginning (i.e Inf-Se goes into overdrive mode), but I can never sustain it for more than 2 weeks. I quickly get depleted and leave it all to the other person to write the next part of the story. >__

[@sylviaowega3839]

INTP female. Well naturally because I am the female and being an introvert, I’d always be the one that is being pursued, or courted. Also, because I am very intuitive, I would know immediately if there would be any chemistry between the guy and I or not; so if I wasn’t interested in him then I would just give him some excuse to not go out for him

[@shenSeptember96]

We intps must have a group chat but I don't think much of us will have a feeling to attend

[@BL00DYR0S31]

We’d have a group chat alright but it’s probably gonna be empty the whole time with a bunch of us just lurking in the chat waiting for someone to actually talk.

[@shenSeptember96]

@@BL00DYR0S31 yep yep it's hard to roll the Convo ball 😌

[@Mayathehut]

My current bf is an ENTJ, I’m an INTP and so far I think we’re fine. He’s kinda needy but I like to feel needed so it’s fine

[@m.p.2534]

In my case (half INTP half INFP), in my early 20s, back when I had just started university, I had a boyfriend. (N.B. I lived on campus so we did not live together... Luckily for me). Then, one day, there was one small lie (he showed me a picture of his so-called familial home garden but it was actually the familial home garden of his neighbour). After, I gave him a long rant about the fact I wouldn't buy his BS anymore and that this breach of confidence was the very proof he lacked confidence, etc. So I thought he stopped lying. Then, a month later, I discovered the big lie, he had a 19 year old pregnant fiancée. Immediately, I didn't hesitate. In cold silent rage, I left him for good and never looked back. And by Jove, life is so better since I was single. Focusing on my education, I even completed a master's degree in my dream field with top 10 percentile grades. In this case, a big thank to my mom, who taught me how to recognize a lot of red-flags ! She was the one who had doubts about him having another woman in his life and she was right ! So thanks again mom for saving my life !!! ❤

[@saraafonso4646]

INFP and kinda heartbroken. it just got cold all of the sudden with no explanation. I'm not forcing an explanation... i'm confused :/

[@grumpyschnauzer]

I’m an INFJ female in a relationship with an INTP male and when he speaks of past relationships he explains this same dynamic.

[@nicoleana7508]

INTP female, I have no problem being direct about what I think about someone. I also have no problem dropping off the face of the earth after I'm bored or find the person doesn't suit my wants. It is way too easy to get wrapped up into a relationship.

[@ISILENTNINJAI]

Idk it could just be that we may be interested in who we think someone is(because people always act to impress when first dating) than we find out that person is not who we tought they were and we slowly start to distance ourselves in our head. Than end the relationship for what seems to be abruptly to the other person but we had been thinking about it weeks or months back.

[@kittycatty5335]

INTP woman. Guys approach me and then tell me we're dating or it seems like we're in a relationship I never agreed to, lol. I never know how I feel, so that's been a real problem for me.

[@BL00DYR0S31]

If you don’t feel half of what the other person is feeling or investing in the relationship as the other person then cut it off immediately before you traumatize them even more. Trust me it’s better to be the cold hearted b**** rather then carrying the guilt of being the a-hole who emotionally traumatized the other person.

[@plushypanda3322]

@Eric The INTP LOL, literally the only Sponsor that isn't looking to sell you anything ;) Also, nice parody of sponsors/advertisements at the end of the video ^_^

[@blop711]

Yup we r the same 😆 gotta be self aware to not progress until u r sure

[@blacktigers98]

currently with an ISFP boyfriend, and oh my god i question myself CONSTANTLY because he’s so go with the flow, and doesn’t really think deeply about our relationship. His favourite quality about me is that I’m “fun,” which… i mean i guess i appreciate lol, but when i get doubts and stuff, i often start to think it’s a problem with ME, not necessarily the relationship. And i’m in that place where i’m SEEING all the signs, but i DO want it to work. But i’m terrified of that sudden realization and the subsequent shut down of my emotions. If there’s anyone out there who may have any advice for how to potentially make thiss work, id love to hear it lol

[@conniesieg1566]

My life as a solitary person is pretty good. I've had my share with men who I now consider of low value. Would love to have someone who has my back but at this stage in my life, anyone who complicates or diminishes my life doesn't stand much of a chance with me. I'd rather be alone because I am happiest alone

[@cyex4311]

Videos like these are interesting to hear. Thanks for sharing. That said I’m not convinced this is INTP specific, I’m not sure I can trust your judgment, nor am I convinced with the idea that personality types are concrete as all the tests you take precedents off of your past actions - but people have the capability to learn and change. Apparently I’m an INTP (male) and if I romantically engage, half of me is laying out questions and the other half is carefully inspecting HOW they answer. If I’m the one answering the question, I’m honest, cut and dry and then I’m critically observing what they do with that information. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@purplemind93]

Wow. It’s nice to listen to a fellow intp. Girl intp here! Uhm.. I thought I would give my very limited experience to complement your knowledge on the matter. I was in a relationship with what I typed to be an isfj. And like you said he was the person that wanted to have the big uncomfortable talk several times. And like you also said I was the one who on some level knew that I shouldn’t be dating him cause it didn’t feel 100% and for me anyway, it’s like I know at once if something is off and it will never be 100% again and that really throws me off. But it was my first relationship and I so wanted it to work that I kept going and we continued to have a few talks about why I couldn’t explain my feelings or put them into words. He felt that I was cold hearted and that was honestly really tough to hear, but then again: What the hell was I doing dating an isfj?! (Even though I’m a romantic like I said we couldn’t break deeper after that initial attraction) Rambling on here but my point is that girl and guy intps are not that different from what I’ve been hearing in this video. And it sadly took me a long time to have the courage to break it off with the isfj who like never knew where I stood. Let me add though that I ultimately didn’t know where he stood either, cause him using Fe made it so that I seldom could see his true colors and know if he really was in love or was just trying to mirror my feelings... I’m clueless that way. Man it’s tough. And also I’d hate to get tinder but then where the hell am I going to meet someone when this quarantine is over? Why can’t there be some cool extroverts pursuing you in a library u know.

[@ragequit4537]

Noted. I'm actually an ISFJ (m) trying to get closer to an INTP (f). Thanks to typology I understand that she needs space, time and doesn't have to verbalize her emotions.

[@BL00DYR0S31]

For safety purposes I’d say don’t get tinder but if you’re like me and the two places I frequent are my house and job then you most definitely need to go into a dating site. Because there’s no way you’ll magically meet the one inside your house and dating a co-worker is a disaster waiting to happen.

[@purplemind93]

@@BL00DYR0S31 any good dating site in particular? Because I’ve tried tinder and other apps and they make me feel like shit. I don’t belong there. I belong in a ballroom where there are gentlemen ready to dance and the women are entering society so to speak.

[@FilipeSantos-jw6og]

Man, what upset me the most is that I get so TIRED of people. Like, I've never had a relationship with more than 5 or 6 months, because after some time I just know so much about that person and how she'll react to something, that is just pointless to carry on the relationship. This makes me sad, because I really WANT to like someone to the point of being ~almost~ unable to live without her and not getting tired of living with her. Does anyone have the same issue? Should I look for a therapist?

[@sinisterkitty8411]

It's at that point you have to go deeper (with yourself--and them) They will either follow you, or show you that, yeah, that's all there is to them.

[@onionseggplant6595]

I was very defensive. I was afraid of people hurting me and would completely block out any relationship attempts, although I was quite popular. There was one time when I was so infatuated, I became almost obsessed with the person. Showed a poker face. Even when two of us went to a concert together... Obsession, hesitation and pokerface - I'm in love. INTP female.

[@enyewox]

INTP woman. I think many, mainly not romantic relationships ended cuz I made it end in a way it looks like external factors were the cause(?). Like moving to a new city and online communication just wasnt supported. In romantic or even a close friendship, when I like someone im aware of what i like or not, but i overlook it in a balance way "We humans, ofc they have flaws" a way. If i overlook them i can enjoy the good characteristics... But if the person starts to deprive me of the things i like about them or they start emphasizing the bad things a.k.a. the established balance is disturbed... I will suffer for certain amount of time until I say fck it bye bye. It is like a wall drop. Like when they tested John Preston if he has feelings and the machine arm goes crazy and suddenly stops and the machine operator goes "fck" (yeah preston is the INTP that just decided staying in any proximity to a certain person is not worthy anymore).. honestly Im always impressed when it happens. In the last case I tried to give second chance as to say what was the problem but turned out the person way more shtty than i originally thought so 🤷 Tip: if INTP in relationship tells you they dont like smt, take it seriously even if you think they said it in "not really important" kind of way because it is. Even if it is not a big thing if you keep doing it on and on the wall drop will eventually drop and, at least in my case, you cant recover the relationship if that happens. I dont trust emotionaly, or engage emotionaly with people that got the wall drop. Simply not possible even if I wanted to

[@samf8887]

Had a really good friend that pretty much started showing a consistent habit in shutting me down on pretty much everything. Any time after a certain point I shared anything in my head or was going on with me it was met with either mocking or prejudice and quite literally talking over me or shouting me down into silence. That's a good way to lose an INTP in a relationship right away. She even had the audacity to tell me that her behavior was her personality and I was trying to make her into something she's not, when I tried explaining common courtesy and kindness to her. Like ok if inconsiderate jerk is a personality type and low key implying insults is ok...worse thing is she said she's a Christian so even if something is of your personality type tendency, if it isn't cultivated under the light of the bible it needs to be tempered. Anyway,

[@redpilledrhodesian1407]

Girl INTP. We're like stray cats. Difficult to domesticate, but under the right conditions will be devoted to you!

[@julieolson1402]

ESFPs can be very manipulative! Nice to hear that INTPs will ultimately go after what they want. I love INTPs, but, as an INFP, I don't seem to be strong on pursuit. There has to be some kind of mutual organic slow ignition or I get spooked. Attempting to create relationship out of thin air is for those who elevate romance to unrealistic levels. Life is to precious and brief to waste on fantasy.

[@6o671]

Me breaking up with my boyfriend 5 hours ago.. and came here to watch this video again.. I watched it before.. I just felt like I need to watch it again.. 😃

[@6o671]

4 moths later, this crap is painful.

[@vitalisdespiritos4459]

INTP i will go with a relationship, until the woman shows signs of instability. Being able to see further down the road, I can see the eventful breakdown, before they do. I will always communicate this and give the person a chance to make the alteration, but are often met with accusatory and ad hominem attacks. At this point, my foresight is given substance and the ending is brought about abruptly. I will not suffer disrespect, by someone who is making claims of deep, positive feelings. Prove your love and understanding and you'll go far. Especially when I'm giving you the opportunity to do so.

[@feleciafelecia2659]

Wow. I've even tried to warn them. When something is off, I know it is off. I sometimes want so much to be wrong. But it is unusual when it happens; I have successful relationships but this is true for me in any kind of relationship. I have been wrong on occasion but, yes, I think you did well on this one. I only ignore red flags when something is working for me in the relationship.

[@painoftheheart12]

This happened to me this year. Had a FWB situation that I foolishly left the door open pn for something real to happen despite not being invested in the person that way. I liked them enough. As a friend they were animated and an open book with their feelings and thoughts and they were very high energy and turbulent which made it interesting. But I never really reciprocated the feelings. As they became more codependent on me I felt trapped and obligated to act like we were good when in reality I was extremely unhappy. Finally I just cut it off when they began trying to control my personal endeavors. Shortly after I met my current partner and it was instantaneous. I never felt this way before for another human being. I smile thinking about them, I am at a different kind of peace when I am with them. Being alone is being together and I have never had someone be so reciprocal in the exchange of thoughts and emotions, i genuinely feel like they are a part of me. Like a piece of them resides inside of me at all times no matter how far apart we are. The first date was like starting a contract where we asked each other what we wanted and where did we see this going and it's like, this is the person I need. It was an innate attraction I thought wasn't real and here we are planning an entire life together. Where so much of my world views have changed drastically. It's like I have opened a whole new door of perspective to the world because of them and I am eager and excited to explore it to it's limit.

[@ambermartin3594]

Curious what your current partners personality type is..?

[@Xhilyn]

INTP female - I've been in many relationships but I have let my emotions guide me into them mostly. I'm always up for the experience and if I get along with someone, my hormones will take over. I do get to points many times where I question everything and know I'm making a bad decision. I always just drag the person along for another year hoping it will work out. When i break up they always hate me, cut me off, call me a cold bitch. I just can't be invested when the final straw happens. I feel bad for ruining these guys' hopes and dreams even when I warn them. Happy to be long term with an INFJ now who let's me do me and doesn't put any pressure on me.

[@ragequit4537]

This makes me understand why the ESFJ is their ideal partner. I'm an ISFJ and (because I'm familiar with MBTI) would never expect a Thinking type to be emotional. Whoever thinks they're cold is an F type with no understanding of different people being different.

[@tamoregi]

@@ragequit4537 Didn't you mean ENFJ instead of ESFJ?

[@cubicgoldfish]

I usually bait people if I suspect them. If they continue to behave in a way which I suspected them in the first place then I am sure. After that I leave, never call and never contact them again.

[@zolfaabdulmalik3610]

As a female INTP I never go after a guy or make the first move. I only see a guy as an option only when he aproaches me. I've only been in one serious relationship that lasted seven years and u are on point in what u said. I am always hesitant and I wasn't completely myself (I only realized that later on) and I saw all the signs but I thought to myself that maybe it's because of this situation it's not something in him or I would think it's something that can be changed and tried to focus on the good things and clinged on to those... Until years later he messes up and I lose all those feelings at once, it's never gradual.

[@Anton2004]

Now thinking about it... I've ended all of my relationships with all of my former friends and former partner... Aaaaaaaaaaand I don't miss any of them... Not a single one.

[@arrows1440]

It's because we are awfull at confrontation. When it's hopeless, ghosting is less traumatic than a confrontational breakup.

[@cnt1793]

It’s because they are fearful avoidants leaning dismissive avoidants. Check out your attachmentstyle INTPS.

[@KMR1776]

It is a somewhat similar process for INFJs with the infamous door slam. When we know we know. For us to drag it out any longer feels like we're playing peoples emotions, when we take relationships seriously. Dealing with other types I try to do the whole vote you off the island, but you get your day to confront me and talk things out... 😏

[@nqvo]

I've never had a girlfriend. Not sure if I will or if I do, when, but when I found out INTPs usually get "bored" of their partner, it kind of worries me. Of course, I'm an INTP so I'm really usually a nice person. But I'd feel really weird being nice to someone I'm dating yet eventually get bored of them.

[@33Jenesis]

It is true we get bored of a less than stimulating partner regardless how nice and kind that person is. We can be friends but being in romance demands a lot more than the partner being decent human being.

[@julieolson1402]

I love INTPs, and it's so refreshing to know that there are INTPs with the same sponsor as me. I'm an old INFP, and there was that INTP in my remote past... Unfortunately I, also, was bulldozed by more aggressive types. I look back and think how nice it would have been to cherish a more suitable, measured approach. I wish I had the MBTI perspective back then. I wouldn't have caved as easily as I did. After decades I contacted my INFP. I sense that he is unhappily married, and know that he never found the same sponsor. That sponsor, and my conscience, only allow me to contact him very infrequently so as not to interfere. Sometimes we make mistakes in life that we have to continue to honor. To all the younger iterations of me out there - do it right the first time!

[@neo7930]

very useful experience~

[@charlotte01991]

Pls learn to communicate to your partner, instead of breaking up suddenly after 9 years when some things could have been worked out before taking the decision

[@KimDsmom]

55 y.o. INTP female (who thought was INTJ; very boarderline... but, after researching and retesting, more like INTP than INTJ), who has just begun dating again after over 20 yrs. Very difficult. Feel may very well be alone for rest of my life... the thought of which doesn't bother me all that much, but would be wonderful if could find that one rare person who would finally, for the first time in my life, "get me." I refer to myself as a unicorn, alien, robot... but, have a depth of feeling that has never been tapped into, released, or understood by anyone. I'm currently in a friendship/relationship with an ESFJ; complete opposites! He is a special person; so sweet, considerate, kindhearted, etc., etc., and is obviously smitten, but... as much as I wish it could work... deep down, I already know it can't/won't. It makes this INTP "robot" very sad. Don't want to hurt him... but, it's just not going to work.

[@alyderuby2480]

My first date was an INTP. Well, we kind of knew from the bottom of our hearts that this relationship wouldn't last for long, due to changes in life and whatnots. So when she sent me a long list of messages saying that we should just be normal friends, I agreed and complied with her suggestion. I only replied "alright, then contact me when you think it's okay." The day she said that it hurts...even until now, but at the same time it was a relief to me. I know I really do not have time for a relationship at my current stage of life. Sigh, but I cherished her much.. I've always been taking care of her emotions, even in the end I said nothing, though I still don't quite understand why she suddenly cutted off the connection. I told her once that I just hoped there would be someone in the future who could really take care of her, who could love her in the sunlight. Separation may be doomed to happen. At least, we had each other before. We have shared our most intimate parts of our souls, and that is enough. Sigh, the memory about her was a bittersweet one. All I want now is the best for her. (An INTJ)

[@LuizFreelances]

I can relate..except I’m an INTP and she’s an INFJ.

[@isabelafelli257]

Normal. She felt mostly betrayed....knowing her and not wanting to do anything for her ( i mean change your mind) must have hurt her a lot. I would have Cut off too. I mean i did the same.

[@user-tf2tt]

INTPs break up with people because most of them are too needy. "Dear lord, get a hobby. I need to breathe and do my own thing."

[@sylviaowega3839]

The thing is that once I decide to break up with someone, there is no turning back. As a female INTP, I have suddenly broken off with some guys; and it was for the following reasons: getting overly emotional, or upset over small matters, inauthenticity and lack of honesty, shouting, caring too much about what other people think about them and pushing too hard for sex