Why is it so hard to apologize? | Michael Ballard | TEDxBreckenridge

Most of us are terrible at apologizing. It's so easy for us to get stubborn, prideful, and defensive, and so hard for us to just admit that we were wrong. In this thought-provoking talk, Dr. Michael Ballard offers a unique perspective on the challenges we all face in saying those two meaningful words, "I'm sorry." After growing up in a troubled home scarred with substance abuse, domestic violence, and divorce, Dr. Michael Ballard made it his personal and professional mission to help families heal from anger, addictions, and abuse through forgiveness and reconciliation. He is a licensed psychologist, speaker, and published author. Outside of the office Michael is a competitive runner who completed the Abbott World Marathon Majors by qualifying for and running in the Boston, Chicago, New York City, Berlin, London, and Tokyo Marathons. He is an avid outdoorsman who can often be found in the beautiful mountains of Colorado. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@michaelkragt1043]

As a psychologist and marriage therapist, I am truly appreciative of this important message on how to apologize. It is a critical skill that so many are lacking and the ability to apologize is critical for healthy relationships. Great work Dr. Ballard!

[@ThePackHunter]

it takes real strength to admit when you're wrong. appreciated the reminder that humility is key to healthy relationships

[@paulcaprera8471]

Thanks Michael!!! You're work with anger management has been so incredibly helpful to myself and all the client's I have worked with for a decade now. How exciting to see this contribution around forgiveness. A new media but just as helpful! Congrats and thanks!

[@user-qt5zo2bq1b]

Great talk! The world would be a better place if more of us knew how to authentically apologize for our mistakes and our poor behavior. Empathy for the impact of our actions on others is important.

[@65stang]

I've never been good at apologizing, and this talk made me realize why. It's scary to admit when you're wrong, but it's necessary for growth. Time to swallow my pride and start saying sorry.

[@kellykurpanek2255]

Love this! I’m so bad about the “I’m sorry, but” that you mention and it’s helpful to understand WHY I do that sometimes! So well said!

[@gtowncook]

I will come back to this video. So much packed into 13 minutes! And 13 minutes that will have a big impact on me and those I love.

[@jacquelinehogan3313]

I cannot handle confrontation, always been a thing for me. Watching this, I can see now why I have repeated some patterns. Great wisdom to share here!

[@gadlubac]

The dance of breath and movement is the dance of life! This talk is pure enlightenment. I felt my chakras aligning at 6:28. Ground yourself, release, and let your breath guide you to freedom. Namaste!

[@elian-cruz]

I've always been quick to apologize but this has made me realize that sometimes my apologies were more about me trying to make myself feel better than really understanding the other person. It's not something I've really thought about before

[@hazrexall]

It's not easy admitting when you're wrong, but it's necessary! Definitely been too stubborn in the past to own my shyt.

[@alexandriaagresta]

What a riveting talk! Thank you for helping us reframe those 2 meaningful words in a way that makes it not so scary to say them and actually MEAN them to the humans we love most. This is true thought leadership right here. Can't wait to see this message create a ripple effect.

[@NotSkander]

Before this, I hadn't thought of the components of good and bad apologies without the weight of their subjects getting in the way. Thank you

[@BenFranklinBFA]

As we learned in Scouts, Own it, Fix it and Move on. Great talk on something that should be easy

[@user-lw3mz9jo2c]

"When we're prideful, we tend to say things like... 'I'm sorry, IF ...I'm sorry YOU ... I'm sorry IF my comments SEEMED inappropriate ... I'm sorry, YOU feel that way ..." Michael Ballard tells us: "Never apologize like this because you are not really apologizing at all." A true apology is about the other person and is not qualified in any way. Such great advice in this TED Talk. I hope we get to see more from Michael Ballard.

[@user-fn6yx5po5z]

So helpful to hear about this topic through the lens of perfectionism and trauma. And so practical to hear examples of true apology. Yes, words have power. This is one to listen to again and again!

[@etking225]

I can think of so many people who need to hear this and apologize to me. I'm forwarding to them right now!! JK this is for everyone, especially me. And I love how well crafted and delivered this is put together. You're an inspiration Dr. Ballard

[@user-dy4ee1en6l]

Thanks for such an encouraging reminder to say AND mean, I'm sorry

[@nicoleturner9014]

I really appreciated the focus on empathy and that ann apology is about the other person, not you. Great speaker and teacher on the forgiveness!

[@user-qg3kx5ny5u]

Listened to it with my son and of course ended up applying the lessons learned within 24h! So helpful!

[@scotthmcbride]

This video sharpened my apology skills, but more importantly challenged my heart. To be more charitable and gracious, even when it causes me pain to do so. I want to have the character to be able to give these whole hearted apologies for all in my family and community, this video is helping me do that!

[@richarddierenfield3928]

This gave me a lot to think about Michael! Thank you for laying a simple approach to apologies.

[@Rsulli-dn7xu]

Such a great message with practical advice about an act that is so simple but profoundly complex to all of us. Thank you Dr. Ballard for distilling the apology and helping others genuinely embrace it, hopefully sooner than Florence!

[@janiceweber5330]

Excellent presentation, very well delivered. More of Dr. Ballard, please!

[@amyskatula334]

This was a compelling, convicting and encouraging talk! Dr. Ballard gives very simple, clear and attainable steps to apologizing. I'm grateful for this message!

[@chrisk7043]

Amazing talk! This is something I needed to hear and will be incorporating into my daily life! Thank you, Dr. Ballard!

[@hichemkahela]

A far cry from what I was taught growing up. For so long I would work around an apology because I thought it meant I was weak if I admitted fault.

[@benjaminskurdal3218]

Resonated with me as a person not known for empathy- I started thinking of recent situations I needed to apply this action. Thank you! Yes, the world would be very different (let’s start one concentric circle at a time).

[@user-cu1ti3gp4v]

Fantastic ted talk! Thank you, Dr. Ballard for sharing so clearly and hopefully about the heart of apologizing.

[@jeffdeclue9748]

Such great truth! Home Run of a Tedx Talk!

[@morgannfields]

This talk made me think about all the times I've been too caught up in my own world to consider how my actions affect others... Pretty uncomfortable things to reflect on tbh and I wish I could go back and just be a little more aware

[@sondraleigh1]

Thanks Michael - words do matter! I agree that it’s very difficult to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I’ll definitely try the three steps.

[@jessicasato6201]

I really loved this talk! Not only did you bring good humor to this conversation, but you also dropped a few gut checks! So good.

[@user-xy5lj4ne5z]

This really hit home! Thank you so much for sharing this. It is needed today and always!

[@reginarabenhorst1908]

What a powerful message and convicting reminder!

[@drandrewfix]

Loved this talk! Apologizing is something I have a hard time with. I tend to be a perfectionist, and I hate when I mess up something. I also am guilty of thinking about how things feel for me and not always the other people or parties involved. This was a great reminder and eye opening.

[@umadelecois]

This talk made so much sense when I stopped and considered an apology from the other person's point of view.

[@joanbacon7056]

I've always struggled with apologizing but it's because I hate feeling vulnerable.

[@user-qh7zc5oy4d]

Really appreciate this message! Definitely something I will come back to repeatedly as a good reminder and something to consistently practice.

[@kkcarnevale]

So GOOD! I laughed. I cried. Now, I'm off to apologize :)

[@user-if7lb8kl8s]

Well done Dr. Ballard! Excellent presentation and critical information! As a counselor, this will be a good resource for our clients.

[@jeffjaynes7046]

I'm sorry I didn't get to see this live! What a fantastic reminder and very well done. You ROCK!

[@user-jo3vw3zu9i]

So relevant and what a good reminder and insight that it’s really not about us!

[@nnyl5236]

This is a very great speech on a very important subject. Made me think of my failures in my efforts of apologizing.

[@user-xw4dt7pz5i]

Great message. Apologies require so much vulnerability sometimes.

[@jessicaparks4070]

Incredibly important message! Thank you!

[@jonathanmarshall893]

A simple but challenging skill for all humans!

[@jcase2626]

I really enjoyed the different out look. I have never thought of an apology that in depth but it really make sense. I really like the 3 steps. Thank you!

[@user-ku7bv9xh2y]

What a wonderful anchor to the whole program! I referenced this talk in a conflict management class that I was in later.

[@davidmcguire5611]

Truly inspiring and powerful message - one that I will keep close to my heart for a long time! Thank you for this!

[@TakeMeOn25]

Loved this talk! Very good points that I'll be taking home and sharing and applying. Thanks, Michael!

[@ladyvalli1]

Simple and effective steps to apologize. Practice empathy, take accountability, and say the words 'I'm sorry.' Noted for my next slip-up!

[@natecampeau]

This is a wonderful and very actionable talk! In fact, I just met with a coworker I had a negative interaction with last week and practiced this approach successfully. Thanks for the inspiration and encouragement!

[@bluegoose9157]

Outstanding stuff. Well said, and a perfect delivery. Vital message for relationships, personal and professional.

[@sidewalks94]

Great stage presence, Michael! Very thoughtful outlook on apologies. I often find myself falling into the trap of making the apology about me, and have been working to recognize when I say something like "I'm sorry you felt that way," and change my mindset to one that truly takes into account the other person's feelings. The world needs more of your lessons, when's the next video?

[@denvermosaic5365]

Clear and insightful talk. In our current cultural moment such a practice, if done authentically encourage others to act with greater kindness, trust, and respect. Kudos to Michael!

[@ironmercMike]

It's not just about saying sorry; it's about truly understanding the other person's pain. Powerful stuff.

[@danszy6874]

Empathy is strangely controversial in certain circles. It shouldn't be! It is, as you've said, what equips us for apologies that are on the only path to genuine healing and reconciliation.

[@user-fh2qe4nk2c]

Really enjoyed this topic and the way you talked through tangible steps to apply this to every day life. Thought provoking, digestible, and relatable. I hope there is more to come!

[@margaretstrom]

I've been on the receiving end of half-hearted apologies too many times to count. It's refreshing to hear someone break down what a real apology looks like.

[@user-br4dz3rq1j]

Deeply insightful and clearly communicated!

[@marilynmiller4924]

Thanks Michael. You gave me some very practical advice and I appreciate it. Hadn't connected the idea of the importance of empathy for the other person when I need to apologize.

[@richbeck1338]

Wow! Great message on apologizing. It’s really not about me. Thanks for giving me another way to think about apologizing!

[@payton.stepps]

Insightful! Thank you for bringing light to this important topic

[@Boss-1964]

Loved the idea that a sincere apology can have a ripple effect worldwide. Small actions, big impact.

[@easyrider9366]

Apologising is easy for me. I get that as a human I misread situations and I take responsibility for my actions.

[@sarahlevy8929]

Thanks for this, Michael! I so appreciate how clear you make this. And I wonder what kind of impact it would have if everyone took on your formula and genuinely apologized!

[@tcksheryl]

Perspective taking changes everything! Thanks for the great message that helps me change my perspective on apologies. You put some good words to ideas that I couldn't quite pin down. Thank you! I look forward to hearing your next TED talk---that doesn't have an x after it.

[@jameskadamson]

Quick and to the point, but with a simple depth that will make sure it’s useful and not just forgotten.

[@michaelballard306]

Thanks! I hope the talk does prove useful to many people

[@kuangchiang3621]

Well done, Michael!

[@taylorbuzzard5680]

Worcestershire Sauce! Loved that line. You are a talented orator. I related with perfectionism tied with identity/self-worth being a barrier to admitting being wrong. Great points, thank you.

[@patriciascholer852]

I love this topic! Wonderful reminder to all of us and great ideas to put it into practice.

[@christinafaulkner2994]

Oh how quick we are to believe our own lies! This talk addresses our self indulgence and how to genuinely empathize and apologize. Humanity would be better off if we embraced the steps mentioned in this short and effective talk.

[@michaelballard306]

I appreciate such a kind and encouraging comment. Thank you!

[@gscharto]

So good! The best talk of the night!

[@MaryBrown-zv7sj]

Words to take with me though everyday life. The apology skills as presented by Dr. Ballard are concise mixed with workable examples. Tools to use daily to enhance my relationships.

[@mikeheinz3629]

Very helpful! And, the three hardest things to say… 1. I’m sorry 2. I need help and 3. Worcestershire sauce. So true brother!

[@MarkHallock]

What a fantastic talk! So helpful and practical!

[@AdamAngieLong]

Great talk - truly insightful, relevant, and practical.

[@jasonl2507]

This is great Michael.

[@1martinarose1]

It's so easy to justify our actions, but that doesn't make them right. Thanks for the reminder that a sincere apology can go a long way

[@SweetPeePandora]

It's not just about saying sorry; it's about understanding the impact on the other person, it is how we grow!!

[@petekleinsasser5355]

This was remarkably inspiring. "I see you and I see your pain." Truly a humbling thought. Thanks for the great talk, Michael! I have at least three people who I need to authentically apologize to today after watching this.

[@NatalyaCherry]

Oh, how I wish I had had this video when I used to do pre-marital counseling with couples who had asked me to marry them. Nevertheless, now I've got it for myself, my family & friends, and my students -- thank you, Dr. Ballard!

[@juliaressberger]

This talk made me realize how much I've let my pride get in the way of apologizing. It's time to set aside my ego and start making things right. Thanks for the encouragement.

[@user-kk2dm8mx9s]

Great message, thank you for your words!

[@raeflores-nr1ge]

Thank you for this message!!

[@teresaross4565]

Good message for everyone to hear.

[@georgenotbest]

As someone who struggles with empathy, I found this talk challenging in the best way possible. It's easy to get caught up in our own feelings, but true growth comes from considering others

[@tonylizzy4781]

It’s so hard for me to apologize I want to be perfection and keep my pride.

[@tracihart8666]

There are many resources about the difficulty of forgiveness, but I have not come across many about how hard it is to apologize. Dr. Ballard's unique perspective is an excellent reminder that our intentions should take a back seat to how our actions are perceived.

[@allong5602]

Interesting, shines some light on a perspective that I hadn't considered. Good information to make one's self a better person, and the world a better place.

[@tylerbrayton3446]

What a great reminder of the importance of an apology to promote healing and restored relationships! Well said!

[@georgegerchow3665]

As a TedX myself, speaker working with Michael was a pleasure. His talk was my favorite and a great way to end the event!

[@travisrubelee9231]

Such a great message Michael! Very inspirational and yes, I can think of a few folks I could offer a sincere apology to, but I'll have to do it faster than the city of Florence!

[@nathanielballard1668]

What a great talk!

[@bradcrossman]

Saying I’m sorry is definitely missing from our culture today! Great talk!

[@ginapesce661]

What a great reminder on the essence of a sincere apology. I had never considered this perspective before. It’s about them. Not you.

[@ryanpaulson3789]

Such a great talk. As a pastor, I work with people all the time who are struggling with apologizing, empathy, and taking ownership. This is a great resource.

[@user-fu2dt1gy6n]

Very helpful specific ideas here, clearly presented--helpful for an octogenarian like me in my 61st year of marriage! Keep up the good work!

[@user-zv6xe3dl4u]

Excellent condensed reminder of how an authentic apology should be. Everyone should listen to your message as we tend to all forget the rules to a sincere apology.