Why Is It Still Customary For Men To Pay For Dates?

Why Is It Still Customary For Men To Pay For Dates?
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[@jonf2009]

Look for all the people saying whoever asked to the other person on the date should pay for the date, that's just a cop out because we know 99% of the time the woman is going to wait until the man asks her on a date. Just be honest about it and say you think the man should pay instead of trying to take the cop out approach so you can appear more magnanimous than you really are.

[@Anotherguy1st]

Oh we know! Hell women say it all the time! The man should put in the effort, that includes asking and planning! Then they hide behind this excuse to get out of paying because it suits them.

[@SnowyWolborg]

@@Anotherguy1st Did you notice the amount of women who say a man who pays for the first date is an attractive quality because it implies he can become a provider for their future home and children? Any woman who's thinking about something that far down the line on a first date has her head in the wrong place.

[@Anotherguy1st]

@@SnowyWolborg Also, what can be expected of women in return on that first date? Oh that's right... Not a damn thing.

[@cosmicfool3334]

All these responses are why men shouldnt pay This is how we're treated

[@spidalack]

Because women are strong and independent until the bill comes.

[@azurekite3870]

yea,so damn true lol

[@chadisnotachad]

I'll summarize the most common answer based off of gender. Men "be a man and pay. Stop complaining." Women "be a man and pay. Stop complaining"

[@PreeSpunky]

Because women like to pick and choose when they're strong and independent, and when they're a traditional lady depending on what's convenient. Either the victim or the victor, but never the villain.

[@James-ep2bx]

God the number of "man up" response that completely missed the point, to be fair some did actually address the question asked, but for too many basically defaulted to some variation of "because that's how it is so man up and quit moping". Like how'd that go when women asked why do they have to stay in the kitchen, equal is equal, if one side is renegotiating the dynamic it's unreasonable to expect the otherside to stick to the old dynamic when it benefits them. Personally I like the "asker pays" dynamic some have started to adopt as it doesn't force those that favor a more traditional dynamic to deviate much, as traditionally the man is the asker, but more evenly distributes the responsibility between the sexes, at least until it gets to the "I got it this time" stage

[@UzitheSaint]

Yeaaahhh I get story 6 but man its exactly how u said😂 it just seems like men aren’t really allowed to change their dynamic and are kinda forced to be static. Just seems odd to me. Over the years it was common to hear talks of “getting rid of gender roles” but that just seems more geared toward females not necessarily men. Funny thing too is men have really only been talking openly about dating dynamics for like 4 years and it just seems like people can’t handle it or rather annoyed but for vvomen they’ve talked about it for +50 years😂

[@Anotherguy1st]

Yeah sick of the flimsy excuses they come up with. "A man who can't even afford the meal won't be a good provider!" Dude, how is me paying for a stranger I may or may not even want to see again have anything to do with me being a provider. Neither of us owes the other anything! Maybe if ladies would stop trying to shame men into paying for them we could have a discussion. Me covering the cost of your meal proves nothing. Even worse is this one "Paying for the first date is just the cost of doing business, it doesn't matter if it's fair to you!" Last I checked, people date because BOTH people are looking for a relationship! Why is only one side expected to pay? Next case "Women do more housework in a relationship, so it's not unfair to expect the other person to pay their fair share!" /Facepalm- We aren't in a relationship, we are dating... There isn't anything to "share" unless we decide to see each other again. I promise you this much! You have done ZERO housework for all the men you ever went on a first date with, unless you ended up getting into a relationship with them or marrying them much later on!

[@SlickZero1028]

@@Anotherguy1st I hear you man.

[@SnowyWolborg]

@@UzitheSaint The "suck it up and deal with it" mentality is exactly why so many young boys turn into maladjusted men. They are expected to endure unfair treatment and just keep on pushing through even when it's wrong, not stop and address the problem right there to prevent it from becoming a bigger problem in the future.

[@Randomguy419b]

If I'm selecting the place we eat and the lady doesn't try any bullsh*t, I'm fine paying for the first date. But if she selects someplace expensive, refuses to go anywhere else or invites friends over then I'm not paying for the whole thing.

[@Hethalean]

Women: "Whoever asks pays!" Also women: "omg why aren't men asking anymore? Where are all the good men!?" Yeah, the asker pays dynamic is just a mental loop. It'd be like "Well whoever gets pregnant gets to stay home and do all the house chores.". "But that's not fair! Men can't get pregnant and women can ask" Then well tell women to start asking. Why is it women always bring up "well we FEEL unsafe!... by all men... so we're not sexist. and don't generalize us or react as if we all do XYZ!"

[@Goldencat44]

Simple a single drink or coffee is acceptable to pay for, a dinner or lunch date for the first date is split. If you're not exclusively seeing me I am not paying for you. No relationship benefits for you without being in one

[@trolleymouse]

Did story 29 really just recommend cooking for someone on the first date? That's got more red flags than a parade in Beijing.

[@Deadcrows1981]

To all the “it’s just what men do… pay all dates. Show them you aren’t stingy.” Excuse me? A man who isn’t stingy and loses his money all the time won’t have the money to take care of you and or a family. Stop thinking splurging makes him a provider. That makes a poor man faster then anything and no one wants a poor man

[@bobbobbington3615]

0:27 Wasn't there a study where a third of women admitted they only went on dates for free food.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Dude in story 6 couldn't be more ass-backwards. Anybody who says that dating is not give and take is misinformed at best, and a total dummy at worst. "Being tough enough to take it if it doesn't work out" sounds nice on paper, but, that implies a one-time grievance. It's not, because what you do with the beginning sets a precedent for what she expects in the future. As the gay guy in story 2 said, a lot of women are just looking for a free meal and are juggling which man is going to give the most from date #1. No man wants to be treated like his value is attached to what he can pay for, but for a lot of women, that is a major contributing factor to whether they will give a man attention or not.

[@DeadCat-42]

Spent weeks online being ignored, no reply or a one word reply while she picked through a list to find someone way way out if her league who will use her for a quick poke. Finally had a real conversation. Asked her out. She insisted on this new restaurant. No prices on the menu $1100 date . Ouch. I never dated again.

[@TheDyingSoldier5]

Some of these stories are infuriating but not surprising

[@mztweety1374]

Because some men tie it in with their masculinity. And some men use it as a power play. If I was single and I could afford it I would pay or go dutch because I don't want to hear "I paid for your food now you owe me." To quote America's baby daddy, Dave Grohl "I don't owe you anything"

[@bobbobbington3615]

I love how women benefit, but you blame male ego. The hypocrisy is delicious.

[@Anotherguy1st]

@@mztweety1374 Well if men got something in return for paying I doubt you would hear us complain. But as you said, you don't owe us anything because we paid. Similarly we don't owe you anything upfront, which is why I'll insist on splitting the bill. A date is supposed to be about getting to know the other person, that's it. Either both parties like each other in which case both benefit, or one/both don't feel the same way in which case you just go your separate ways. It's not like me paying guarantees me getting a free gift bag you brought for me or something, so since that's the case I don't feel like men should just be expected to pay.

[@joshlaube9021]

If the women is traditional I'll pay if she isn't we split. I refuse to start a relationship lopsided. If you want to make it about how much you wear cost more bla bla fine if that's your view your outfit better cost more than my suit I doubt it does for majority of women and by that reason the women can pay and were not compatible and move on. Not here to pamper a role where the women gets all the benefits in a relationship and I get none I might as well stay single

[@xavier32421]

If not a virgin, she not traditional. Let the streets covering her tab

[@Anotherguy1st]

Yeah I'm not paying for her make-up or outfit unless she wants to reimburse me for my outfit along with gas and part of my car payment if I picked her up.

[@dinimueter539]

Because men still want to be the main breadwinner. Not all men of course but many. I always paid for my meals on dates. And I still pay for my meals when I eat out with my bf.

[@dranixrush3306]

Men are brainwashed to want to feel that way.

[@xavier32421]

Because dating is tricking

[@jsullivan649]

It’s really simple, if I ask you out, I pay, if YOu ask me, YOU pay. There, I broke the matrix for you.

[@JohnDoe-fb4fb]

Next question: Why is it customary for men to ask women out?

[@Goldencat44]

No unless you ask someone out for every time you get asked out then no. Unless youre cooking for the second date

[@jsullivan649]

@@Goldencat44 what are you replying too?

[@Goldencat44]

@@jsullivan649 paying on the first date. Check the intial post. Unless you ask out an equal number of people, to the number who ask you out. 50/50 on the first date unless it's coffee or a single drink. No relationship benefits for someone who isn't in a relationship with me.

[@Anotherguy1st]

​@@JohnDoe-fb4fbYeah this! Women always make this seem fair by framing it this way, then they forget about how they expect men to do the asking and planning, thus never paying.

[@hideyasuyuki1]

Just pay the bill. It’s the cost of doing business plus it makes the process easier. If you can’t afford it don’t date.

[@Anotherguy1st]

@@hideyasuyuki1 What business? Am I guaranteed intimacy afterwards? As far as I know these are first dates and were talking about total strangers, so why am I paying to meet someone I don't know?

[@hideyasuyuki1]

@@Anotherguy1st No business guarantees an outcome. If look at the clauses for most transactions there is no outcome. The cost of doing business implies an initial investment for the POTENTIAL of a greater outcome. The problem is you’re cheap and have a scarcity mindset.

[@Anotherguy1st]

@@hideyasuyuki1 No the problem is you don't understand all YOU are doing is shaming me because you don't comprehend the situation. She is looking for a partner, so is he, no one owes the other anything. So putting the cost on anyone other than yourself is just foolish! I can afford to go out, I'm not paying for her to eat for free because of ridiculous notions such as this.

[@bobbobbington3615]

I love when men use feminist talking points. So weak.

[@hideyasuyuki1]

@@Anotherguy1st again, you’re more concerned about what you have to lose than what you have the gain. It’s a social role sort of like etiquette. My next question would be are you in a relationship and how many women have you slept with? I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and my wife is the most compassionate and selfless person I’ve ever met. Why not pay? What I’ve gained is worth hundreds of times more.

[@demonseed19]

Guys if a girl likes you enough, she'll pay the bill and put out too😂

[@maatonne]

I’ve never paid for a first date in my life.