Why it's So Hard to Achieve a Goal (ft. ADHD coach Alan Graham)

Hello Brains! For this episode, ADHD Coach Alan R. Graham (get his book here! www.amazon.com/Guide-ADHD-Coa...) talks about how to set a goal -- and I spin it into a wildly complicated metaphor to help me remember it :)
Get the worksheet here! - drive.google.com/file/d/1019e...
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[@xpookiezx6152]

Me: starts a goal Also me: starts 1000 other goals and never finishes a single one

[@Soph5789]

Omg same 😭

[@iditrirajan]

Did someone summoned me? XD

[@journeyofawesome8473]

I feel seen.

[@charlieshepard5802]

I see myself in this and I don't like it lol (I relate to this so hard)

[@baby.goblin]

You can change that pattern! Prioritize, write it all down, break down your goals into manageable steps! You will succeed, I believe in you :)

[@GM-pn2bi]

Since I've been able to reduce it, I've realized my shame has been far more debilitating than my disabilities ever were.

[@cheshirecat772]

👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 ... (wanted to give 1000 thumbs up, you nailed it in 1 sentence 😊 __ still quite a way to get there 🤷‍♀️.... how did you manage ?)

[@lizshoemaker]

Brené Brown has resources on dealing with shame! brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-shame-and-accountability/

[@GM-pn2bi]

@@cheshirecat772 Still not beaten it lol. And it was very slow going lol. But stuff like journaling while applying that concepts of self compassion (the Wikipedia article covers it well) and hanging out in online spaces with people with similar conditions has done a lot.

[@cheshirecat772]

wow ~ thank you both.

[@nicolotnd]

Woahh the accuracy of this realization

[@addimartin]

why is this my comfort channel

[@SuperGoose42]

Because no one understands us 😭

[@sarahroberts7374]

@@SuperGoose42 *We* understand us 💕

[@meowmeowmeoww69]

Because it is someone who understands u :)))). I fell the same way about this channel as u do lol

[@audrey_bond_]

Me toooo

[@WayToVibe]

I think the word you're looking for is "validation" and also "strategies".

[@misssugarpink6357]

your channel is literally saving my life.

[@Soph5789]

Same!!!!!!

[@Sophie-tm1hp]

Yes!

[@derekedgar1676]

RIGHT!

[@joshdilorenzo1749]

Same^^

[@LilSpaceFreckles]

Seriously.

[@makingitthrough190]

I can hardly stand to hear the word: goal. It’s so emotional as it just reminds me of so many things I have dreamed of doing and failed. (Even though I do accomplish some pretty cool and creative stuff at times.)

[@ana-wp8qx]

So true, my stomach just sinks

[@Dancestar1981]

Exactly often we have no idea how to get there or if it’s even a goal

[@2sdayrobbins]

Same same same

[@Whoknowsuknow]

I guess that would go in your reason for not doing something.

[@doll_dress_swap1269]

I hate this word so much that it literally keeps me sometimes from setting any or aiming for anything… and I don’t like this. 🥲

[@journeyofawesome8473]

Yeah. I planned to participate in the 90 challenge on guitar. I built a chair instead. At least something got done, I guess.

[@HowtoADHD]

This is the most relatable ADHD thing ever :D I tell people I have goals so I'm motivated to do something to avoid those goals hahaha

[@chancematters]

See, personally, I would try to start a drawing challenge then decide to learn piano again (for the twentieth time at least) and then try to build more social relationships and connections then decide I need to study more for my school work and... yea, at least you got more than halfway on something lmao

[@hannahherrmann4921]

@@HowtoADHD omg same! I had some schoolwork due, but I made a quilt

[@Kyoto99952]

Hahahahahahahaha

[@yupyup5895]

This is sooo funny and relatable :')

[@disastrouswolf1252]

if it werent for the fellow brains i would be broken

[@cheshirecat772]

❤️💜🧡💚...

[@muhammadeisa1459]

Same

[@KRAZYMODERCYLERAMPAGE]

I love how you mix comedy and learning together for people with ADHD

[@jazzelvus9865]

I know right! it makes me focus too!

[@Skawnjjj]

@@jazzelvus9865stil put the video on 1.5😅

[@losiento2]

Am I the only one distracted by Alan’s disappearing head?

[@ferrismaghi7262]

Nope my friend I watched his speaking 3 times but I couldn't get a single word because of his head lol

[@SIC647]

Yes! That there is so incredibly distracting that I had to pause the video and go to the comment section and say this: The way his hair interact with the artificial background is so distracting!

[@caseyf6]

Zoom is the worst... Lol

[@XYpsilonLP]

Just the head? There are some nice figurines too. Is it the golden cow from Dogma? And who is the guy on the left side from it? And if the heads disappearing - is this at least a foto from his own office? And... Needles to say - I couldn't follow what he was talking about ^^°

[@sarahroberts7374]

I couldnt concentrate on what he was saying either cause of it 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 bless him he seemed such a cool dude nice guy too!

[@mjolnirforsworn]

28 year old Ph.D. M.E. student here. After being the smart kid who got good grades but never paid attention, was very emotionally troubled, dropped out of school several times, suffered from rejection sensitivity.... I finally got diagnosed last year. It made so much sense. Youre a beautiful brain and a wonderful heart! Thank you for your channel. You've changed my life!!!

[@Polisciandfries]

Omg this gives me so much hope 😭

[@JulietheWriter]

I'm 28 and recently finished my PhD. I got diagnosed with ADHD today. Barely. Because even after I "passed" the test, the psychiatrist said that I have a PhD, so how could I have made it that far in my education if I have ADHD? I was so upset and hurt that she invalidated my struggle like that. As if no one with a PhD can have ADHD! Ridiculous. Anyway, I was happy to come across another PhD-ADHD-er :)

[@SkippysBacon]

@@JulietheWriter it's so frustrating... We work so much harder than everyone else just to keep up...only to get mistaken for being neurotypical.

[@JulietheWriter]

@@SkippysBacon Exactly! 🥲

[@Michelle-by9fp]

Also, this describes me completely. A million goals, and feeling like a failure for not progressing on any of them.

[@LudmilaT.]

"It might make more sense to focus on putting systems in place to support what we want to accomplish than to set goals." My goal is putting those systems in place 😭

[@nomevas]

That's a really important goal! I'm there too! Hope it worked for you 💞

[@motherhood234]

Ludmila, in my mind I laughed, because I need to put those systems in place. You are not alone. 💜

[@papette27]

I cried when she asked about the paper how good it should be. I never ask myself that question. It is a given that it should be the best I can make it. I am crying my eyes out atm

[@hannalowenherz4839]

Saaaaame

[@austindusseau4309]

Maybe it doesn't need to be the best you can make it?

[@geraldrapp985]

I always think it has to be 100% perfect or it's a failure, not a success

[@martinaliciam]

Me: Ah, an expert on ADHD. I must focus on what he’s saying. Dr: (uses background) Me: (watches his hair and outline change instead of listening)

[@dominicwehrmann8515]

I... had to watch that part 3 times...

[@cassius3430]

....I had to stop watching, close my eyes and listen during that part.... after rewinding the second time....

[@sarjulia]

@@cassius3430 Ditto!

[@Sophie_Miller_Wx]

THE SAME THING HAPPENEED TO ME! I WANTED TO LISTEN BUT I SHOUDN'T BECAUSE THE OUTLINE BUGGED ME! ;(

[@Shura3]

OMG YESSSSSS!! Don't forget "The stuff toys are cute, wonder if they're his... no wait, it's just a backdrop... but maybe he really has stuff toys in his.... wait, where did he go? Is he already done talking? What did he say?"

[@lrose5522]

The beginning is such a huge mood. I wanted to get a cross-stitch project done for my friend for a gift, but then my sister got me a knitting book for Christmas so I need to learn to knit now, and then I'm going to Paris in 2022 so I need to start learning French, and I should brush up more on Spanish, and ASL and I'd like to learn to draw, and write more often, and get good grades this term in school, and get my credit card debt down and, and, and... That worksheet looks like it'd be super helpful to me though. I tried to set little weekly goals for me but I still struggle with setting goals that are attainable and also actually getting started on them.

[@nj.7325]

Idk if this is helpful because I struggle with depression and not ADHD but I've found that especially when starting out, less is more. I set down one day to put down everything I need to do, and give myself waaaay too much time to do it in little bits. Like if I need to read course materials, I'll give myself 5-10 pages to do per day. Sometimes I actually have to struggle for 5, but on good days I end up doing a lot more than 10, especially boosted by the satisfaction of actually meeting goals.

[@jenniferschmitzer299]

Please don't look at knitting patterns in french, even if you think it will be helpful with you language skills. And no, not even if you wish to visit La Drouguerie in Châtelet/Les Halles. No tricot for you!

[@najifaanjum4740]

Omgeeeee I get you girl! In the last 9 months I've gone from starting 3 major goals (learning espanol, abs workout, asl, ) and countless other ones for betterment and happiness and improvement, to getting frustrated and being on autopilot real often. I literally come here to get some much needed help in the goals area with no tick marks.

[@MsDonttrythisathome]

I'm curious: at what point did you start screaming and crying and getting exhausted from the sheer overwhelm? Not that that has ever happened to me....

[@utoobuser206]

Wow..i thought i was bad, after reading these replies ,i feel much better.....you are MY people! Lol!

[@strongpowerty9377]

"-which might be why we often find it easier to accomplish things we don't intend to accomplish" this hit hard, how was i not aware of this...

[@Tim3.14]

I haven't been this early since... The last time I was procrastining on my goals by repeatedly checking my KZbin notifications 😊

[@HowtoADHD]

well...productive procrastination? :D

[@russellfernandez57]

@@HowtoADHD I just read 200 pages of a book instead of writing the introduction page to my research project lol

[@spanglelime]

This could not be more perfect timing since I'm desperately trying to quit vaping for good. Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. This community is always so supportive 🥰

[@HeroSphereTCG]

You got this!!

[@HowtoADHD]

NICE! A close friend of mine was doing the same and I shared this technique while I was writing -- he's found it helpful so far :D

[@azul4904]

hope it goes well✨💗

[@yoyoitsKerry]

Its hard for people with dopamine issues to quit because nicotine releases dopamine.. try the replacement gum etc vs cold turkey.

[@Ahrpigi]

It's a hard thing and it's ok to feel like it's difficult. It's also ok, even common to have a relapse and need to try again. That's ok! The important thing is you keep trying! :)

[@azul4904]

0:44 i wanna be a magical unicorn 🦄 🥺

[@marleneaurora2000]

Me tooo

[@Smithistable]

I heard they poop icecream

[@InsightfulZen]

This is the first time coming across this channel. I cried while watching this video. I've been struggling for so long on my own, thinking I was broken, I was irreparably flawed, I was a failure and doomed to always be a loser, because I haven't found success in life despite blood sweat and tears, lots and lots of tears. I've been coming to the realization I have ADD, undiagnosed until adulthood, and it's hard, but also nice to hear that other people have had similar struggles and find their way to being successful with their goals in life. I'm so terrified that I won't succeed even after listening to these tips, so terrified. But thank you for showing it can be done. I don't want to live how I currently am anymore, but I've been so exhausted at failing that hope has been lost for a while, and I've been running inefficiently on fumes. Thank you for putting a little gas in my tank, I'll try to keep going.

[@ohmainzte]

29, just got diagnosed. Relieved to know there's a reason I've struggled so much in life, but bummed by the confirmation that I indeed have a harder time with everything.

[@Dancestar1981]

40 only got diagnosed this year

[@jzedan1005]

@@Dancestar1981 what happened after u diagnosed? I am but still struggling, i don’t see a difference.

[@Dancestar1981]

@@jzedan1005 I’m trying to implement strategies to get supports to make my life easier

[@ohmainzte]

@Glitch tell your doctor why you think you might have adhd and ask if you can be evaluated.

[@diablothe2nd894]

I'm struggling with burnout right near the end of a huge project that's taken over 2 years to complete and I just can't seem to motivate myself to finish as it's at the "it'll do" stage. Thank you Jessica this was perfect timing

[@mariezguitar5029]

I hope you get it to the point of “I am proud of this!” After a two year investment, you deserve it! Keep going!!! 😃🙏

[@diablothe2nd894]

@@mariezguitar5029 Thank you, I needed that 🙂 I'm sat inside said project right now, staring at it until I do something. Doesn't sound like much but I've spent two weeks avoiding it so it's progress!

[@williamfarr3284]

Omg same

[@nikoheinz1213]

It actually sounds like much

[@talilaperry3259]

I found that shame is one of my greatest barriers to getting my most important things done, at the core of my perfectionism, procrastination, and imposter syndrome. I have found Brene Brown's books on the topic extremely helpful. Everyone experiences shame that keeps them from doing things they want or need to do, but I think we have quite a lot of it as our minds function differently and we have a harder time getting things done, which makes the shame worse and so on.. Tackling shame head on has been very helpful.

[@biggaylol5438]

I know hardly anyone will see this or really care, but I’m getting medicated soon and I’m really excited because it’s something so new to me! I may or may not have forgotten to tell my counselor that i wanted to be medicated till i was reminded today, soooo🤫🤫

[@shiny_cheyenne]

I just started Adderall 3 days ago, and I'm noticing progress. I hope you have a good experience with it, as well 🤗

[@susannalarsson1525]

Good luck! I started Elvanse (think it's called Vyvanse in the States?) 4 months ago at age 37 and it's completely changed my life. Everything just works better, and I'm so much happier. Will never forget the first day on meds. Hope it's a good experience for you too.

[@Theviewer100]

Something important i never realized until recently was if the meds i got wherent working or the side effects where too much for me, u can ask to try something different. I always thought if i said it wasn’t working well they would just say i dont have adhd but That’s my anxiety talking

[@imagineme9233]

Why is this me

[@coena9377]

Right now I’m working on achieving health goals (frequent exercise, good sleep hygiene, better diet) to help with my ADHD and insomnia. Falling short of these goals makes me feel like these conditions are my fault (for example, I’ll tell myself “of course you couldn’t fall asleep last night, you didn’t do any exercise that morning, the only reason you’re sleep deprived is you aren’t trying hard enough to sleep well”). Thank you for this video, it helps me learn how to meet those goals, but also be more lenient with myself when I don’t. Okay, I’m going to go exercise now!

[@sarahroberts7374]

That's a really wise move putting your health goals first. Because that will have a knock on effect to improve every other area in your life. But honestly dont beat yourself up if you slip up & have a bad day!

[@coena9377]

@@sarahroberts7374 I do tend to prioritize academic goals first during the semester, but since I’m on break right now I have time to focus on my health. I definitely agree that health should always be a priority, but sadly I do tend to focus more on deadlines than long term improvement during the academic semester. I’m hoping that by the time my courses start again, regular exercise and good sleep hygiene will be part of my normal routine. Thanks for the thoughtful comment and best of luck with your own goals, stay healthy!

[@lv9265]

From my personal experience health goals are some of the most difficult to achieve, especially if you already have a lot going on. That was my experience in uni. It was difficult for me to focus on eating healthy, for example - because I was always short on time, rushing, tired, I was only comfortable using the kitchen when my roommate wasn't there because she was rude to me, our kitchen was shitty and I almost didn't have any appliances, I didn't have money to buy new appliances, I also hate cooking (decision-making, you gotta throw the food away when you fail, boring, dirty, you have to stand on your feet for an extended period of time and my back is v weak), and grocery shopping is a COGNITIVE NIGHTMARE for me, because of the sensory overload + decision-making fatigue. All of this stress was added to the fact that I was living alone for the first time, in an area with shitty transport in the suburbs, bad access to good shops, and I had an executive challenge in juggling different school projects for every class + chores + my social life because I was also awfully lonely there. My best strategy would have been to try to make sure that I'm eating WHATEVER at least twice a day at least until I got a hang on other things first, because with all the things coming at me at the same time, I would have never gotten anything done if I focused and put my effort towards my "health" first. I am not advocating that you neglect your health, but if I could give you any advice towards achieving your health goals, it would be to start small. Think of what you think you could achieve realistically and make it even smaller. Cut it in half. Then cut it again. Start with that. And remember - health goals are shitty. Don't beat yourself down. Don't shame yourself. If you mess it up, if you feel disappointed, if you're struggling - focus on something else for a day, then come back. This will give you time to get some rest and come back refreshed. Try a different strategy to achieve your tiny, tiny goal that you've cut in half, or use the same one a second or a third time, to really test it out. Maybe even cut your goal in half again. Don't tell yourself that you failed and other horrible stuff. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try and make even the tiniest amount of progress. Aim for progress, not perfection.

[@passionforhispeace1194]

Great job! I have some similar goals for this year. Don't feel like insomnia in particular is necessarily your fault. It could be, but not always. It is worth going to the Dr. and being checked for sleep Apnea, having sleep studies done, etc. Sleep is everything. Just before retiring from the service I had a severe mental break and the VA continues to work with me on my brain chemistry for several diagnoses including ADHD (inattentive), which evidently I had my whole life, but I just compensated for with lots of caffeine and adrenaline, insomnia, and several other things. A recent change in my medications has me sleeping through the night restfully for the first time consistently in five years. It is such a relief it makes me almost cry to talk and think about it. I can remember how irritable I used to get not sleeping after a night. Well fitful sleep for five years pretty much makes you into a dysfunctional beast. Because of the complex comorbid diagnosis it has been a difficult road, but bipolar one with atypical cycling (I don't get manic, I'm just normal, slightly depressed, or in a major depressive state) was added to my wrap sheet in August and my VA Doc started working with the heavy hitting go to mood stabilizers. I'm now on a dose mix of two of these that seems to have worked a miracle for my insomnia. So, it looks like BP or something similar is wrong with my brain chemistry and has been impacting my sleep, in particular for the last five years. When I've taken sleep meds like Ambien or Lunesta, they put me out, but I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all. They just put my body out, but not my brain. The sleep I'm getting now, is normal, restorative sleep, I remember when I wake up that I was having relaxing, normal dreams (I think indicative of REM sleep). Look there are lots of things I've tried from tart cherry juice to blue light sun glasses, to limiting exercise to earlier in the day, establishing bed time routines, taking a warm bath before bed, essential oils to help you sleep, etc. Nothing was going to work until a medical issue in my brain that neither I nor my Doctor was aware of was addressed. And we stumbled onto it by accident. I share this tome of a tail with you to encourage you to definitely address your insomnia the way you are and perhaps get the assistance of your primary care provider if it has gone on for some time. But also, to definitely not beat yourself up if the things you are trying don't fix it or you don't do them perfectly. It could even be something completely beyond your control. God bless you in your effort to deal with ADHD and may he grant you sweet dreams! By the way tart cherry choose enhances melatonin naturally if you drink a small cup before bed time and I did find it helped some without causing a headache that the concentrated melatonin caused for me. Having battled insomnia for 5 years, I could write pages on stuff I've tried.

[@myrphy6988]

@@coena9377 I believe in you pal. You're already manifesting the energy, now it's just a matter of channeling it for what you know you can become!

[@rbergen05]

I cry during every video of yours. I feel so seen, heard and understood. Thank you for helping me accept myself ❤️🙏🏼❤️

[@kristieboelter857]

Me too!

[@Sferguson360]

Right there with you. Burst out in tears after the first 20 second intro of this video. Just got diagnosed at 27 y/o and it just seems so obvious now

[@ashleyjasmin8929]

You have answered the question I have been asking forever! I am self diagnosed ADHD. No one believes me when I say I am ADHD. But this channel makes me feel clear and achieve clarity!

[@HIDDENADHD]

Omg, I *hated* goals my whole life up until recently. Adhd makes them so hard to achieve!

[@cheyloo]

OMGOSH! Nobody teaches us how to set goals! And the time blindness and getting things done that aren't our "goals ". You really get it! This is a really good video, thank you so much!

[@hunterpearson892]

The list at the beginning is literally me. I overwhelm myself with so many goals at one time and I don't even realize it half of the time.

[@greengrer]

Animation is so cool. Can't imagine how much it took to make it, hugely impressed. Well done!

[@emmasharman]

Yes, came here to say this, very impressed by the work that must have gone into making that obstacle course move.

[@raph009]

I made 2 friends this year: one who used to be a coach who helped me break down how to finish my degree and who helps me find solutions when my motivation tank flashes red, and one who is working towards becoming a therapist who helps me spot my shortcomings and how to overcome them. I feel like they were both what I was missing in my life to get some kind of direction and I really love them.

[@skittles2055]

That’s really beautiful. Definitely a gift to have anyone care and ‘see’ you enough to help bring out personal breakthroughs. 🌠

[@DaleESkywalker]

This is the way.

[@amberhenderson8227]

Please please Please do a video on ADHD & Driving . How do you stay focused? This is something no a lot of us don’t talk about. This is a huge ongoing issue.. ♥️

[@HowtoADHD]

Yeah AGREED, it's something I've been wanting to tackle for AWHILE. Thanks for putting it back on my radar. What would you want to know?

[@g-force8653]

I found that music and podcasts help a lot

[@amberhenderson8227]

@@HowtoADHD Advice for non medicated people that drive. I’ve learned a lot of people can’t afford medication but still have to drive themselves which can be not only be dangerous for themselves but also the people around them. Are there any techniques you do to keep from being distracted?

[@lindaandcherylmason-middle4745]

@@HowtoADHD I am terrified I might hurt somebody‼️ I was tested by Goodwill as having below average hand/eye coordination. If you add feet into the mix, we’re all in trouble. ¡Ironically they also said that my perfect job would be a cooper (barrel-maker)!‼️ My hobbies generally consist of 3 dimensional doodles with wire, wood, stone, &/ ... ¿Could you also look into aging with adhd ?

[@Serpentrose]

I'm actually afraid to drive, thankfully I've never needed to.

[@Hanban-iw3vl]

Hey can you do a video on sensory overwhelm it’s something I really struggle with

[@skittles2055]

Ditto

[@PichuElric]

I think that's more an autism thing than an ADHD thing

[@FooBarBash]

Ditto. Yeah @Pichu Elric it's more of an autism thing but many people with ADHD have autism as well - would be a great topic for a collab video.

[@katiestar6022]

Is it me...or does Jessica have magical mind reading powers? It seems like every time I get stressed about something she makes a video to help. Stressed about lacking motivation? Here's a creating motivation video. Drowning in emotional disregulation? Here's a video to help an hour later. Oh, you're stressed about passing classes? Here's a video on goal setting three days into the semester. It's weird how timely everything is but I am here for it. Thank you, Jessica!

[@SophiaCapote]

I was JUST thinking about this exact topic two weeks ago! I realized I have no concept of how long things take. I asked my boyfriend what I need to do differently this year. He said take on less projects. Putting a freeze on my work related projects has allowed me to start personal projects! Including a scatterbrained youtube channel! I'm really trying my best to not add new things... But here we are, excited about stuff bahaha

[@racheldesir6612]

Finding your channel has been the biggest gift I have given to myself. For years I wondered why I loved setting goals, genuinely wanted to accomplish them but could never follow through on finishing them. I could never understand why I had so much motivation within days and if I was lucky weeks then something in my brain just turned off and I could care less about said goal. Although hiding it well, my self-esteem always took a hit because I couldn't finish task and no matter how much I tried I always failed. Thank you for this channel. Now that I understand it's not me per say but my ADHD now I can put steps in place to achieving my goals. Thank you. This channel has literally saved my life.

[@amysly3751]

I was listening to this video while I did dishes tonight. My daughter came in and was listening. She said, we need to do this with cleaning my room! And we kinda talked though how to do with with chores in general. This household full of Brains is so grateful for your heart. I hope you feel awesome today. 🥰

[@andrew4635]

New hobbies: cross stitching, trying to knit a sock, yoga habit, reading before bed instead of screen time (oops, failing that right now), drawing, creative writing. The cross stitching drawing, and creative writing are the ones I’m currently cycling through. And absorbing every creative writing podcast I can find.

[@spiritualelement757]

Unrelated I have combined adhd but why do I have the urge to move when I’m listening to music or thinking about something? Is that normal?

[@HowtoADHD]

YEP -- combined type includes restlessness/hyperactivity and lots of ADHDers find movement helps them focus :)

[@spiritualelement757]

@@HowtoADHD Thanks luv

[@iditrirajan]

Yeah, i do that too. I write my notes with music in background. It helps me as i avoid getting up for long and manage to finish the goal.

[@spiritualelement757]

@@HowtoADHD When I’m in my imaginary world I listen to music to make it easier to imagine it so I move I guess it make sense now that I’m typing it

[@seth_piano]

I find it to be really helpful to (1) let yourself fidget when you want/need to, and (2) use big/broad motions (like your whole arm/leg) so you're not tense as you do it. Our bodies were made to move...so move! :)

[@9monava]

This is actually how I realized that I DO have ADHD -- last Sept. I had at least 25 different projects going ALL at the same time, complete with a sea of sticky notes all over the place and at least 6 different calendars that I kept losing. Though I made headway eventually, it was a wake up call. I am 60 years old. So thankful for your site. I refuse to feel bad about myself. Now that I realize how extreme things get for me, I can help myself in a kind and gentle way!

[@BrassicaRappa]

I don't start goals, goals start me, then everything else crumbles to dust. Too bad nobody wants to pay me to play piano and study political philosophy.

[@ThatCatmeow]

music or government teacher?

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

Nothing I love to do pays well lol. I've been working unstable low paying jobs for years. I guess the good thing is I learned a lot about people in poverty, and the many challenges people of color face.

[@duncanbug]

Freelance Piano Tutor!

[@DanTheManIOM]

@@ChildrensRightsFirst947 find something that pays well and listen to Dave Ramsey...follow the baby steps, work on yourself and improve your skills and earn more money. Just last night, a couple called in 23 and 25 years old, their income wsa 170K... Man ! What ? How....and another guy 25 invested, not sure in what, lost the station, later Dave said that was the young guy was really luck since 90% of people who did what he did, lost money, but he had 650K dollars !! it's possible.

[@kathleenrogers7136]

This channel has helped so much. Even recommended it to my ADHD therapist. My goal is to actually finish an art project. Want to get my comic done.

[@Kewpiiie]

Me who littlerly just got with my first work out of a goal I set yesterday 👀 the timing is always on point. My goals are Work out daily for at least 30 minutes To bathe everyday And to take better care of my physical appearance

[@druwk]

Thanks for the post! I owned and played guitar for a L O N G, L. O. N. G. time. I’ve been in bands, wrote my own music, fronted bands, and largely stopped being motivated to play/perform. When my son was born 12 years ago, I stopped being in bands to focus on work, and raising him. A few years ago I wanted to FINALLY dig in, and learn “lead” guitar. Fill in the hole of my musical knowledge. Learn the Blues. Develop a repertoire. Write new songs…you see where this is going? Essentially “improve” my guitar playing. Along the way I’ve completed a renovation to our apartment, been laid off, found a new job, discovered that my son has ADHD, and come to believe that I probably have had ADHD as well? Over a lot of time, I have adopted management strategies to help me organize…I have had to. I get to work on time, and perform well in the pressure cooker that is my job. I show up for my family. When it comes to creating music I loose sight of, or have my goals constantly shift. I end up just accumulating more gear as a substitute for practice. Music is important to me. I feel aimless with it, as the 10 thousand different directions to “practice” overwhelm me. It just feels like music/guitar slips further and further away from me?

[@leftydog_731]

This video hits home for me. I make goals for the wrong reasons. I make them to impress others, to make myself feel less like a failure, so of course, I have no motivation to get my essay done. I don't want to do it, I am doing it to show my family I am worth it.

[@notCalle]

I’ll just sit here staring at the empty space after “what’s the goal?”

[@chancematters]

I’m legitimately THIS CLOSE to filling out a goals sheet on filling out a goals sheet. “What’s the goal?” “Figure out how to set goals.” “Why?” “I can’t function if I don’t eventually figure this out”

[@Dancestar1981]

@@chancematters my NDIS Case Coordinator has just asked me to set my goals for my next plan

[@ELBARTOmovies]

Wow, just as i looked in my notifications while procrastinating, your video appeared! *Must watch it now!!1*

[@HowtoADHD]

thank you!!!

[@kyo8391]

I just found this channel yesterday because I"ve been so stressed out trying to figure out how I could accommodate my ADHD with my job. I just want to tell you that I almost cried watching your videos because it feels like your saying the way I've felt for my entire life, but could never put it into words. Also, you helped me realized I wasn't as alone with these issues as I thought I was. Thank you for making this channel and for the research you do, I hope you can continue giving out this important information.

[@toobossforchuck]

I like that you acknowledged goals aren't the only way to make progress. I've given up on goals because they are disheartening to me because I usually fail, and I also have perfectionist tendencies so my goals can get out of hand and become unhealthy very quickly. I think it should be more acceptable to live in the moment and work on making the decisions that are helpful now even if we don't know where they will lead It's also improved my tolerance for uncertainty

[@sarahroberts7374]

Thanks for another boss video 😎👍. It's only now in my 30's that i feel i am improving with my concentration & goal setting after years of trial & error, leave it all to the last minute then panic, and just lots of outright lessons learned (failures lol). This channel is a MASSIVE help i wish it had been around when i was a teen!!!! My Mum doesnt think i have adhd, and whether i do or dont, i had to point out that all the strategies which are aimed at adhd people WORK for me unlike other productivity / motivation tips. Now i understand how my mind works i can help it better 🙂✌💕

[@enio9477]

I set so many goals for myself and I'm not able to achieve ANYTHING, and it really hurts because I am a very purposeful and dreamy person. I want to achieve interesting things, I want to realize myself, write a book, create a KZbin channel, move to the country of my dreams... I recently found out about my ADHD, and this channel is a lifesaver for me. I literally wrote out all the tips from all the videos and I want to start slowly changing my life for the better. I really hope that in a few months I will be able to at least get a job. Thank you very much for your effort, Jessica! :)

[@thomgoblin8725]

As a writer, I’ve been trying lately to let go of shame around the fact that I’m constantly starting projects, but only few ever reach completion. I can see that as a string of failures, OR I can see that as a natural culling of ideas that weren’t interesting/complex enough for me to want to develop further. It’s not a bad thing to start a lot of things you don’t finish, and you can learn a lot from spending a day excitedly plotting out a project you don’t ever implement. The habit I want to cultivate is following up on my most interesting ideas and developing them further, so that they keep tempting my attention back over time. I might take breaks or have a hundred completely new ideas in the process, but eventually, I’ll follow up on the projects that mean the most to me. I’m learning that if I trust in my own investment levels and stop fixating on the shame of ‘never finishing anything,’ I can develop projects a lot further than I thought was possible.

[@geoffreynolds3157]

I've gotta say this format of passing on information about ADHD is by far the best, I've tried reading books and im asleep after the first 2 pages. I've been slowly watching every video on your channel. Thank you so much for this channel.

[@lalford1163]

My entire life has been a huge challenge with my ADHD but thanks to you i can make my way in this world

[@prettygay]

I just wanna thank you for keeping your vids short. Just the knowledge of that makes it way easier to stay focused (at least for me)

[@cringetic3431]

The reason this community is so great is that we share the same hardships and misunderstandings, a lot of people who have the right help don’t need this but the ones that do understand what it’s like to be seen as just not right or lazy etc. it’s helped me not feel alone when it all seems to be crashing down

[@jordansafranski]

I've gone 23 years thinking I'm a failure and just unmotivated because this has been such a struggle for me, and FINALLY got diagnosed today because of your channel and your informative videos. Otherwise, I never would have thought to ask a professional about it. THANK YOU so much for these amazing videos-- I finally feel like I understand my brain and can take steps to help myself, now.

[@mnr98.x]

I have University work due and I've been struggling with deadlines! Your channel really helps me stay motivated when I need it ❤

[@lou8090]

This was such a fantastic video, thank you so much!! I've been trying to look for answers involving goals and habit building for folks with ADHD, and this gave me some really solid, new advice. The main thing I'm struggling with now is deciding what particular goal I want to focus on (I have so many), or how to be specific, rather than vague, when describing my goals. Why does prioritizing have to be so difficult 😭

[@amnesick3534]

I've been struggling a lot lately. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not a complete failure. I've had extreme rsd for over a week now. Everyone else around me doesn't really understand that I don't always have the ability to move, my brain screaming at me the entire time yet not allowing me to do anything.

[@susanzoeckler4926]

30+ videos in, with a zillion reasons that your channel is in my top 5, I just now realized something super obvious -- you keep your videos SHORT! I'm adding this to "relatable, funny, sweet, packed-with-resources, & honest❤

[@ellaschaake9125]

I feel like this is exactly what I needed and I didn’t even know it. I might actually get my room organized now

[@azul4904]

what a perfect timing💗 it’s summer time where i live, which means summer vacation, which means what it seems like an infinity of free time to set thousands of goals- i wanna be a songwriter-singer some day, and i’m so worried about how i’ll get there and what the future might bring that it all gets a bit too tiring, i spend more times setting goals and planning steps than actually doing any. what can i say, planning is exiting and doing is exhausting :/

[@nate2838]

The more important something is, the greater my avoidance, as the more important something is, the greater the consequences of failure. This applies even to things I love doing and am generally highly motivated to do otherwise.

[@julietteferrars3097]

I’m currently trying to move out on my own for the first time with no help. Your channel is a total lifesaver. Thank you for your advice as well as your compassion and determination. You are an amazing example for me and have motivated me to reach for my goals. Thank you 💕

[@DaisyWhisper]

this video came just in time

[@gaara33373]

Whoop!

[@devons.3481]

This channel balances colorful, engaging visuals with genuinely helpful information broken down into more bite-size pieces so well! It's challenging to find resources that can actually keep my ADHD brain engaged enough to learn about my ADHD while also tackling pretty big struggles for at least this adult with ADHD. The animations tend to cement the ideas in my head so when I'm wondering why I'm not doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing, my reflex is "Oh, I'm climbing the Wall of Awful" rather than tons of shame and guilt!

[@52Paulis]

This was perfectly timed for me. I'm a 64 year old writer with ADHD in the past I found my greatest success while writing/producing/directing regional documentary TV series, because I was wearing so many hats there was always a new shiny object in front of me that was part of my goal. I also had success teaching film and television for two phases of my life. I no longer have the legs for directing and producing so my full attention is now on my first love writing drama. I have more than 100 stories I want to write. I work best when I juggle between 3 stories. Today I am attempting to juggle 7 stories and I am frustrated and going nowhere. Thank you for this video. It is time for me to reassess each of these stories. Focus on the top three and set the others aside for now. The answer was right in front of me and I couldn't see it. You rock!

[@lrose5522]

3:05 Ah yes, Fall Guys also gets between me and accomplishing my goals, I just keep starting another round!

[@flames4856]

Me: about to lose my will to finish all of my studies You: casually saving my future with your videos

[@ryanallen2001]

I tend to have a big list of Big Goals™ that never gets worked on at all, while small goals that I set yesterday get worked on and either accomplished or forgotten within a day or two.

[@thebeaglelady1109]

46 years old and my therapist showed me your video on could you have ADHD? I cried my little heart out as I felt you were describing me. With my therapist I’m now on a road to understanding myself and your channel is just awesome x

[@hannasophia18]

My brain: ''oooohhh, pretty colors''

[@queeny5613]

I have thsi thing where I pick up hobbies like crazy but then drop them, currently I'm on day three if a kickflipchalleng and I use I can keep going

[@webby5730]

Your channel has helped me so much, my sister is severely disabled, so my issues got kinda pushed to the side as laziness or jealousy. I was homeschooled so my mom could focus on my sister more, and I had to be fully responsible for school work and actually doing it, so I fell backwards a ton, It was really frustrating, For the longest time I thought I was just lazy or selfish. I still haven't talked to my mom, I'm not sure how she'll react, I'm still building up courage. but I've been able to understand myself a lot more, and not feel so bad about myself. Thank you so much!

[@essnsev6740]

I thought I was the only one who had trouble setting and keeping goals. Bruhhh. THANK YOU!

[@harmonicaveronica]

Well I got laid off yesterday so any goals I was idly thinking about have been postponed in favor of "get a job." I wanted to look for a new job anyway because I was super bored at work, but I'd rather not be doing this while under the stress of being unemployed. Extra motivation, I guess?

[@rachelg9873]

I was so distracted by the edges of the Coach moving around him that I didn't hear what he said. Lol

[@mmmbogo]

As someone whose hit that wall of awful post moving, post holiday, mid USA nonsense (lol) many a time in the last 2 weeks after months of (fairly) smooth sailing -THANK YOU. You are such a gem with your timing of this highly valuable content! You’ve helped so much along my journey only being diagnosed almost 3 years ago at 24 💜🧠

[@oyahfftlisawsome]

My 4 year degree took almost 8 years because I thought "hmm, that's pretty cool" when I picked my major, and then that inspiration quickly fizzled by year 2 of college, but I finished it and my job now is super fun (and I actually use my degree in my day-to-day)

[@justadanette5017]

Me: I want to have a good work ethic! Also me: i want to write and complete one fanfiction! Also also me: can't manage doing both Also also also me: gives up

[@bharatshah7271]

How I start a goal: Start MOAR goals(Ironically, I enjoy recursion)

[@lindaandcherylmason-middle4745]

What is MOAR⁉️

[@whisperingsage89]

@@lindaandcherylmason-middle4745 "More", but... more

[@AnimeKoibito]

Im an 18 yr old (female) and got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and your channel has really been helping me! Your videos has helped me find solutions to quite a few of my daily problems and its also really reassuring knowing that Im not alone :)

[@NobodySpecial]

This channel is amazing, after educating myself a bit on what my condition actually was I put myself into therapy and started getting treated. Now I'm playing guitar in a band which is a dream I've had for a long time. It's crazy what happens when you realize there is a problem... but it's not you, it's just something that's an aspect of you

[@twohundred75percent]

Edit: Nvm :)

[@starashakti2833]

I don't see it either? Just a link to the licensing information.... :-(

[@lindaandcherylmason-middle4745]

Yes, the licensing link.

[@twohundred75percent]

​@@starashakti2833 it's there now!

[@twohundred75percent]

@@lindaandcherylmason-middle4745 it's there now!

[@CiudadanaHerzeleid]

I'm starting goals for 2021 while having therapy, and this video helps a lot. Thanks for doing in it. Some of my goals are to publish my novel, and creative thread that I've already did years before, but publish a lot more. And also be much more comprehensive for myself. Greetings from México again 🥰

[@IcyFlare]

True to ADHD, I started watching the video then paused it halfway to go listen to something else, and I returned a day later. I love this channel.

[@sleepnever3311]

As a self employed artist living with ADHD... thank you. Thank you so so much. 👽👉🏼👈🏼

[@ericf2521]

This video couldn't have come at a better time for me! Thank you!

[@BroJessieM]

Jessica, I love this movement you have created out of vulnerability and strength! I am Very Neuro Diverse and your channel has empowered me to not be ashamed of the things I had no control over then find out what I need to work on that I can control! The book “The 1 Thing” is changing my perception of goal setting and getting from the first step to actually achieving my dreams! Thanks for all you do!!!

[@chickchats6923]

watched this and my hubby got sucked in. Didn't even finish the video he asked me to print the sheet, filled it out right away, and got started on his goal! So thankful for this video!

[@3lueoce512]

Honestly love your cold opens, they hook me into your videos really well

[@saradelaguila6027]

I can’t believe how validating your videos are. They’ve helped me so much!

[@Mordu5]

This is literally perfect timing for this video for me. I'm just in the process of starting to use my bullet journal again to get myself on some sort of schedule until I find a job, and part of that is setting goals for myself to keep up my professional (Theater) skills while I'm not able to use them professionally, as well as trying to work on personal projects that I've wanted to do for a while, but just end up playing Minecraft all day instead

[@ChrisMcQuinlanart]

A friend of mine recommended this channel and after only watching a few videos so far, I feel like it's helped so much already. Thank you!

[@BackcountryForward]

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Asking myself "how good does it have to be" BLOWING. MY. FREAKING. MIND!