Struggling To Get Stuff Done? Maybe It’s More Than Motivation

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00:00 I wrote a book and it's available for presale everywhere books are sold!
00:10 Intro
01:01 Struggle 1 - Skill Gap
01:54 Struggle 2 - Resource Gap
03:17 Struggle 3 - Perfectionism
04:39 Sunsama - Guided daily planning
06:02 Struggle 4 - Forgetfulness
07:21 Struggle 5 - Overly Optimistic Thinking
10:55 Thanks to our Patreon Brain Advocates!
Music credits for "Struggling To Get Stuff Done? Maybe It’s More Than Motivation":
"The Show Must Be Go”, “Carefree”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0
creativecommons.org/licenses/b...

[@HowtoADHD]

Get the app I used in the video for my weekly planning here: www.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd They’re offering a 14-day free trial if you use my link and are ADHD-friendly, so they don’t need you to put a credit card before you start. I recommend giving it a try for your 2024 planning!

[@robertandersch9277]

Yes for me that thing is studying for my exams. At first I didn't think motivation, I actually thought it was my meds not being enough as when I took my ritalin on top of my other meds I could do the stuff and actually stay focused but Im still not sure. Like I would start studying and then like 5 or 10 minutes later I would start googling stuff or watching youtube. Like I felt like I needed to. I not sure if you've made a video on this or if this is the video. But if possible could you make a video on how to tell if you need to talk to youre doctor about your concentration meds dosage or if its something else? Or if you don't want to make a video on that are their any tips or bits of guidance you might be able to give on how to tell? If you cant give any guidance please don't stress about it. Your channel has helped me a lot to understand I wasn't the only one facing certain challenges. Thank you.

[@jenh3263]

​@robertandersch9277 This type of info would be helpful to me too.

[@AspergersStudio]

I love it

[@russellsherry7]

Sorry! I accidentally bumped the down button twice on this comment trying to scroll.😳 This video is so helpful to me! Thank you!❤ And thank you for this link!👍👍👍

[@hellohello2024]

@@robertandersch9277can I ask what else you’re taking for adhd besides Ritalin? I take IR adderal tablets but wish I could supplement the instant release with the extended more subtle dose. But the pharmacy wouldn’t fill two types of adhd meds and my insurance wouldn’t cover both either :(. even if a low dose of each. It’s crazy how insurance companies can veto our doctor’s prescriptions.

[@thalmorbiznitch4028]

People also forget being able to prioritize is a skill too. That’s something so many of us struggle with

[@coffeeinvasion]

YES! And of course if you ask someone else what to prioritize they'll tell you their thing is the most important (along with everyone else that gave you something to do). 😅

[@msaijay1153]

My husband successfully triages at work. He can't do it in regular life though.

[@skbee6]

Ordination, man! It alluuudesss me!

[@AnimeSunglasses]

People forget it so thoroughly that practically nobody even tries to teach it!

[@entrepinoyeurship]

If I had a nickel for everytime a neurotypical advised me, "Just PRIORITIZE!" As I quietly think to myself that they're ignorant to come at me with that surface level advice 🤦🏽‍♂️ and I'm simultaneously figuring out psychological strategies to actually cope through execution 😅. Overall, not a good back-and-forth conversation unless you really bring something enlightening to true neurodivergent productivity. 😑

[@DaniDonovan99]

Forgetting you were going to talk about forgetfulness is next-level ADHD humor 😂 Loved this video!!!

[@ariannaxr]

So meta 😂

[@ajbp95]

It was almost too good, like I first thought it may be scripted, until Jessica laughed.

[@petrat76]

As a workplace coach, I was halfway through a session on memory strategies before we both remembered we had done that before!! ADHDers really shouldn't work together!!

[@fenixmeaney6170]

I THOUGHT IT WAS A BIT!!!!!

[@50shadesofskittles9]

I thought it was scripted. Am I too judgy?

[@JimPekarek]

I feel you on flailing around trying to do 15 things at once. I want to write code, and do computer sided design, and 3d print things, and work on cars, and play D&D, and play video games, and read a bunch of books, and learn a bunch of stuff from KZbin, and keep up on tv shows and movies, and be successful, and maintain relationships, and be healthy, and build things, and know everything about rockets, and oh my god why am I falling apart??

[@HowtoADHD]

Omg yes exactly!

[@ElvesofZion]

You just described me perfectly

[@MandaPanda254]

That is me too

[@HeatherFordHutto]

Yes! I'm technically working (but I work at home and work on the day before a holiday is slow), but I want to be finishing a crochet project, baking a pie, reading three different books, playing video games, and I'm actually watching KZbin videos instead. :)

[@mystic_tacos]

I learned a long time ago that I am only capable of one or two things a day, honestly, or I overload. Currently I am considering some more school, and researching the history OSHA. I assure you I will not complete one of them, but it keeps me feeling accomplished (for moment.) The biggest issue, I know I can only do one or two things, but somehow begin twelve every single day.

[@sitascott8446]

Exactly. Exhaustion is there and money is not. Aaand the perfectionism.

[@HowtoADHD]

Yuuuuuup.

[@caspiansfriend]

Indeed! Funny how, for me they play off each other. No money is exhausting. Perfectionism is exhausting! And exhaustion leads to no money! Which leads to... I'm just so glad to know that supposed lack of motivation is not the issue.

[@annalisayoung]

When it comes to time planning, I have only two modes. A) I have plenty of time; that’s way in the future or B) it’s too late. For A, there’s not the sense of urgency to do it, and for B, I’m too overwhelmed that I’ve already failed (see: perfectionism). You may notice that both states are not conducive to getting the thing done. I don’t think I have ever once felt like I have exactly the right amount of time to do things. Anyone else stuck with this dichotomy? The real trip is when the thing somehow bounces back and forth between the extremes in the same hour, minute, or even thought. It’s a nightmare for my nervous system.

[@b33thr33kay]

Yep. And for me, whenever I finally feel like I have the time, motivation, and energy to do something... that's when self-doubt kicks in. 😅

[@DrunkenUFOPilot]

I can relate to that. Over the years I've developed a sense of satisfaction and joy to get things done way ahead of time. Think of how it feels when others on a project get their things started late, or even if they're on time, but you had your part already done last week!

[@SusannMarieDye]

So true

[@michelehendriks5686]

Yes!!! Thanks for sharing. I thought i was the only one and i feel so hopeless sometimes

[@samanthawycoff855]

I feel like I had an epiphany watching this video. I've always chalked up struggling to get things done as a lack of motivation even when the motivation was 100% there. Keeping these things in mind might make it easier to be kind to myself and address the barriers that are actually in my way instead of trying to get more motivated and force myself to jump over them.

[@HowtoADHD]

Awwwwww I'm glad it could help!!! Yeah when motivation is the only thing we think it could be... it makes it easy to miss the fact there might actually be something else causing it.

[@sarahnelson8836]

Same here!!! I mean I knew exhaustion is an issue but I thought it was that I needed to keep up my motivation longer. Taking a walk earlier in the day never occurred to me but it is freaking brilliant

[@ADHDeeznuts123]

I've been in therapy for 8 months now and, at first, I thought I was mostly going in for ADHD. Turns out, while that's certainly part of my issues, the fallout from ADHD is actually worse than ADHD itself. Namely, the crippling perfectionism and self-berating that I've developed as a hedge against ADHD. I know my ADHD tends to mean I make "mistakes" so I swing so far in the opposite direction (perfectionism) to "balance" it out. Well obviously then the bar for "successfully" doing anything becomes insurmountably high and any deviation from perfect I perceive means I'm a complete failure. So I end up just avoiding this cycle of berating myself by just...avoiding doing anything. I'm not avoiding the thing itself, like going on a walk, I'm avoiding the impossible standards I hold myself to and inevitable "failure". There, I just saved everyone months of time and money from therapy haha

[@SusannMarieDye]

So true

[@cosmodusty]

sending virtual hugs

[@leechpeach337]

So relatable

[@CarlottaRomero124]

This is SO eloquently stated!!! I feel like you've given a voice to all my brain's attempts to explain to non-ADHD people why we can struggle over "easy" things. It's not that we don't care, it's not that we don't want to, it's not that it's not important! It's so incredibly hard to explain how we can get "stuck" or seem to do the opposite of what we insist we sincerely want to do! Thank you SO much for explaining this in a way that both ADHD and non-ADHD people can understand!

[@perfectionista492]

Heck to the yeah! You are surrounded by people who have no problem pointing out that what you say and what you do are different things and when you try to explain that you don't mean to and you struggle to organize and regulate your life, they will listen for a while, but then drown you with solutions and if you aren't using them like you should or you have another way of regulating that they deem ineffective for you, they will sometimes tell you what to do in every aspect of your life. They don't even realize how much they do it. While well-intentioned and out of love, it feels very annoying, especially when you are trying to manage as independently as you can the very thing that others notice as your deficit and sometimes treat as a cop-out based on the behaviors they see in you. Watch who you share your struggles with. While many people will love you and will be willing to help, their help may not always be helpful.

[@karengilmore2906]

Having ADHD, and having had a brain tumour removed 3.5 years ago, my biggest problem in doing something is forgetfulness, not motivation. Where the tumour was, affected about 5-6 areas of my brain, and I'm still working on getting those in order... and there are things that I will never recall again. Right now, I know I need to do dishes, but forgot and got down a rabbit hole... so I'm now off to do dishes :)

[@sofiaaraujo24]

To me, the hardest part on ADHD is in how when I “don’t want” to do something (but must do), it turns out that the level of difficulty goes waaaaaaaayyyyy up to the heavens, and im left like 🙂 Internal screams happen

[@AlvaSvart]

I think it is sometimes not only the lack of skill, but to *think* that you don't have the skill. Or the fear to fail which can be paralyzing. And I have different motivation levels at different times of the day. In the evening, I always plan a perfectly structured, efficient, productive next day in the evening and I am super hyped and motivated when I think of this next day. Then it's the next day and my plan falls apart as soon as I get out of bed too late. Or when I should start my first task. I'm still searching for a way, to take this motivation over the night into the next day.

[@HowtoADHD]

Yeahhhhh, perfectionism and fear of failing can often go hand in hand and they can be brutal together. And then our issues with time mixed with set shifting and other things definitely can make for a web of complexity!

[@DrunkenUFOPilot]

I do something like that. At the coffee shop, which has plenty of tables. I can sit and sketch out the perfect day. Maybe just concentrate on one special project, and do a bit of something else. The whole week, maybe. Everything feels right, everything has its place. Then the coffee and scone are gone, I go home, and nothing I had in mind happens!

[@snoopy1319]

Yes! I feel like imposter syndrome double downs the lack of a skill thinking and then reinforces the perfectionism as we want to perfect the skill we perceive to be lacking

[@theschwaz]

Sitting here having put off a few assignments until the very last minute and your video pops up in my notifications. 😂

[@charthepirate]

A huge one for me is clarity. I need to know the end goal and I need to know the steps to get there. If I don’t then the motivation is ded. This is hurt my career a ton early on, but as I’ve gotten older it’s actually an asset. It forces me into healthier work patterns, and it serves as a warning sign. If something is “off” in a project my brain is sending alarms.

[@HowtoADHD]

Yes! Clarity is absolutely another one and I'm so glad you brought it up! It's hard to move forward if you don't know what you're moving towards and can't see the steps in front of you.

[@TheCloverAffiliate12]

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Can definitely relate to the career part right now.

[@PointsofData]

The resource gap is such a debilitating issue. I could probably have gotten my horrible bedroom organized earlier but beyond having to figure out the best containers for the job, I have to buy a few at a time, and from what I can find at garage sales, discount stores, Goodwill, etc...anything anywhere else has to be the cheapest, or I have to be SURE I'm going to use it. Then I had to untangle ALL the issue I've been having (eating, medicine taking, bedroom, hygiene, etc) and figure out that I just need to focus on medicine/eating/hygiene for now to keep myself healthy and get energy in my body, starting with meal prepping...and only started meal prepping when I found a variety pack of Ziploc containers at a discount store and a website that tells me what I can make with what's already in my pantry. And also it took a week to start. 😂 Ugh. It's all overwhelming.

[@HowtoADHD]

Yesss exactly. It can make something 'simple' suddenly very tedious because of all the steps involved of getting the resources we need. And it absolutely can get overwhelming for sure. I feel this in my soul.

[@PointsofData]

@@HowtoADHD Thank you for the validation 😭😭😭

[@lv9265]

​@@PointsofData what is the website btw? Also, I very much relate to that!

[@alissarxy9652]

I feel like it’s all connected: we don’t have the required skill to do something so we procrastinate to avoid failure (we all know that adhders have this fear of rejection and failing) so we never end up doing the thing

[@HowtoADHD]

It definitely can be, sometimes, for sure!

[@jlang]

Totally agree! A perfect example was when I avoided playing "Capture the Flag" for ages in primary school and would choose to do quiet activities instead (because I wouldn't be judged and also because I know how to do them). Eventually a teacher made clear that -everyone- was going to play CtF, and I PANICKED and she was great, she asked why I didn't want to play and I said I didn't know how. Once she explained the rules, and I watched for a bit, I started to play and actually enjoyed myself a lot! It's a great game! (Yes I wrote this comment at the same time as listening to Jessica's video, hehehe). The same psychology applies to the reason I don't have a driver's license... 😕

[@garrettrinquest1605]

I love what you said about "caring too much." It's something that happens a lot for me and usually just ends with me not doing the thing

[@GalaxiiBunnii]

I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago at the age of 33, and I'm still trying to get my head around so much of it. The exhaustion definitely resonates, as today I was intending to do some laundry and some other self-care bits like washing my hair... I've slept most of the day after doing 2 days of work coz, I guess, I needed to recharge. But that hasn't stopped me feeling guilty for "wasting the day" even though realistically, I know rest is what my body and mind has needed today 🥲 This video couldn't have popped up at a better time, and your other videos have definitely been helping me navigate my diagnosis and experience. So thank you for sharing your experiences with us 💜

[@skbee6]

The difference between what my brain knows logically (rest is a right, not a reward) and how the douchey part of my brain judges me when I do feels like an exhausting tug of war internally. You are not alone and I'm glad you're here. Diagnosed at 34 and medicated as of the start of this year. It has been life changing. Knowledge is power. 💜

[@digitalzen6301]

Omg! The guilt of wasting a day!!! When you are burnt out and really needed to pause for a few hours…that guilt is real & regular for me! 39 years old & only diagnosed a few months ago! I feel you ❤️

[@GalaxiiBunnii]

@@skbee6 I finished titration earlier this year after trialling 2 medications. Sometimes I still can't always tell if my meds are helping. Some days I can feel the difference to an extent. My therapist/consultant thinks they are, but I don't feel that "life changing" thing that I see a lot of people mention. So that leaves me questioning a lot too 😅 Knowledge is definitely power though, and has helped me make sense of a lot of "quirks" I have 🥰

[@rixatrix]

I just got officially diagnosed with ADHD last week, and I’m 40. It still feels weird to say it. However, I feel sort of proud of myself. If I’ve had ADHD this whole time, then I must already have some good systems in place that have helped me before I had a name for my struggle. But hearing you articulate the different challenges in getting things done also helps me understand WHY my systems work. Knowing that a task I can’t do at night is easier in the morning when I have more energy is great. Knowing that I have more energy in the morning BECAUSE my brain is just burned out at night is gold. It’s not a matter of laziness or not caring; it’s resource management. And I can plan for that.

[@IchigoSpaz]

I just got diagnosed this year (at 41) as well. I always joked that I had ADHD, but it is good to have the actual diagnosis. It is nice to know that I’m not just “lazy.” There is a medical reason for my struggles. Now that I recognize what is actually going on, I can adapt and work around it. ❤

[@dianecuabo1781]

I was diagnosed last year at 52. Masking took a toll. It was frustrating to ask for help at 40 and being told that I didn’t meet DSM. Sadly, the unhealthy systems I leaned on interfered with my diagnosis and delayed finding healthier options.

[@seabrookel5037]

Same here - just realizing at 43 but have clearly developed some good systems. The best thing about the ADHD label is now I feel I can find effective tools to help me in the places where my systems sometimes fail me, since now I know WHY I fail there.

[@EH23831]

As a primary school teacher, the skill gap makes so much sense to me… it’s the first thing we think of: do they know how to do this thing? What’s missing for them that’s preventing them being successful? The perfectionism is a big one too…

[@kennacole1001]

the forgetfulness intro was fantastic

[@HowtoADHD]

Ahaha thank you I can't believe I forgot forgetting! What tiiiiming lol

[@bookhuggah]

Skill gaps are why I didn’t know how to care for my home as an adult. I knew some pieces, but not a lot of them. Listening to others on podcasts (audio and video ones) has helped me learn how to make things into a routine and easier for myself to do, so I’m more able to do things in my home care tasks. I don’t know about the etiquette of sharing the name of the other people, so will wait to be asked.

[@HowtoADHD]

Feel free to share any podcasts or resources you've found helpful!! Podcasts sounds like such a great way to help with some skill gaps for sure and I never thought to use them for house care! That's really smart 😊

[@lindsayyoung6928]

Please! Please share the names of the podcasts. This sounds like something that might be really helpful for me!

[@marieils]

Yes please share!

[@bookhuggah]

I added hearts to everyone’s posts to bring this up in your feeds, as I don’t know if you would get notified just because of my novel length reply. I don’t know if the S H E book is still in print or able to be found, I can get the ISBN and upc (if helpful) to help with finding it. The others have websites with their names, and I didn’t know where I was going with any of those things until the post was posted so I didn’t make any links.

[@bookhuggah]

UFYH is habitat for the last word. Remembered it.

[@bwayslimess4124]

literally the second i start googling about motivation with adhd, this video gets posted. thanks but also super good timing😂

[@diegos1325]

Oh God the optimistic goal setting happens all the time, and when I inevitably fail it just feeds into low self esteem even more :/

[@whatwilliwatch3405]

This is good insight. Motivation is usually not my issue. It's usually a resource issue - namely, mental energy/willpower. I spend my workday masking my neurodivergence, and when I get home, I don't want to stifle my brain's natural tendencies any longer. However, those natural tendencies almost never lend themselves to truly constructive activities, like exercise, doing something creative, or working on a side hustle (so I can eventually be rid of that job). I'm trying to rework my day so I do those constructive things before I leave for work (i.e. before my mental energy reserves are depleted). So far, I've had great success on the days I manage to get up early enough to do so, but consistently getting up early means consistently getting to bed early... which requires willpower at the end of the day, when my tank is empty. I think I've probably only managed it 3 or 4 times in the month since I started trying. I'm not giving up yet, but it's definitely a significant struggle.

[@coolkumquats]

I feel you on this. I would be a much happier and productive person if I could get up earlier and do my own stuff before work while I have the energy, but going to bed early enough to enable that is nearly impossible. And chronic sleep deprivation from going to bed late and getting up early anyway doesn’t help with any kind of productivity!

[@DaemonetteLeilu19]

As someone with adhd and who had to teach myself about it, i love and appreciate all the work that you do for us Brains ❤

[@AuDHD_Mom]

Perfectionism was what was keeping me from starting my own channel. I finally realized I can learn as I go! And as I learn, if I want to re-do earlier videos, I can. It's so hard being a parent with ADHD and Autism. And my husband has ADHD.

[@Saforra99]

@AuDHD_Mom just went over to watch your videos :) good job!

[@AuDHD_Mom]

@@Saforra99 thank you so much!! I have a 7 year old phone, and KZbin is the only app that gives me grief trying to leave comments. Now that I'm starting my own channel, I think it might be time to learn a new phone that hopefully will last me another 7 years! I wish tech didn't move as quickly as it does! Thank you for your support of my fledgeling channel!! I'm trying to figure things out!

[@lambogurlfreshtomato2434]

time, we are people pleasers so we are going to put other people first, I buy stuff to get started then I don't get started. perfectionism is exactly right...love this channel, finally someone who understands and I can relate to.

[@rays7805]

I've stopped setting short-term goals. Pie in the sky is the most I can handle. Goals are the gateway to disappointment and shame. What else is getting in my way? I'm averse to things that are unpleasant. Commitments are unpleasant. Effort is unpleasant. Just... I don't want to make myself miserable.

[@danielgregory5259]

the idea that we have unrealistic goals really peered right into my skeleton and drew on my bones or something. This is also the first time someone's said "your goals in high school were too ambitious and that's okay, you didn't know" instead of some version of "what did you expect" or "i can't believe you were serious about that" or even worse "you can totally do that" which then makes me feel worse about being nowhere close. thanks.

[@eukaryon]

Your info about coping with ADHD has been invaluable. And, that is a wonderful background. I wish my shelves were so organized. Like some people with certain characteristics, I notice everything in a video post. Keep posting. It has helped many times.

[@eukaryon]

Ah-ha! I noticed your REAL shelves on the introduction for Sunsama. 😆 Now I feel better.

[@HowtoADHD]

Awwww thank you! Oh don't worry my irl shelves are not as organised as the background shelves in the videos lol

[@caspiansfriend]

I noticed your shelves as well. But, hey I "get paid" to set up recording scenes like yours. I know the secret (for most of my "talent" I work with): don't tackle the whole darn room! Just let me and the team set up the background. For it all goes into the viewer's brain, whether they consciously realize it or not. "the medium is the message" and as a corollary to that, the background is also the "message." One one should ever speak into a camera with a calm voice and hopeful information if the background is chaos. The brain will sense the conflict immediately. Or... and this happens a lot, ADHD or not (but especially with ADHD) we *will not* listen to you until resolve the entire mystery of what the heck this or that is behind you. Example... is that, is it? Could that be?... yes! It's Dory! Perfect! Now I can listen. So cleaver! Details like Dory matter!!

[@SouthFloridaSunshine]

@@caspiansfriendOr The Rainbow fish..😂

[@margaretmichelsen766]

My daughter has just been diagnosed this year at 26, so I have found your channel very helpful. Recently, I have had Covid and the only tasks that were essential during that time were to look after the animals and water the plants, I allowed myself these to be the only things I did without the list of 15 other daily things I had to achieve and I cannot believe how restful it was on my brain...

[@xxiloveitallxx]

The perfectionism stopping us from starting a task because we don't want to fuck it up is the same feeling as getting a perfect notebook and not being able to actually write in it because you don't want to fuck it up

[@sheilaross1449]

Perfectionism... Well hello there, biggest challenge to finishing the podcast I'm working on. I think for me it's related to rejection sensitivity. I know intellectually that I'm never going to produce something that everyone in the whole world will like, but I feel this frantic pressure to make it so unbelievably awesome that no one will find fault in it and it can freeze me up solid sometimes. Then i just shrink back into more research and more writing because it feels safe, rather than reaching out to people i want to interview, or starting to record. Sigh.

[@ColleenJoudrey]

I either want to do all of the things or get frustrated and not do any of them.This is partialy why I have 6 painting projects started in my house and nowhere near finishing any one of them.

[@VickeyAllen]

I honestly started crying a bit while watching this. It's given me words for something I've struggled with for so long. I have the motivation to get some really big things done in my life, but motivation isn't the right lever to pull for me to get the stuff done.

[@1Aroe1]

When I've got the motivation but I'm lacking something else, I often feel huge guilt about not doing "the thing" because I actually want to or feel strongly that I should - and it's not enough.

[@skbee6]

Sharing about your friend who you felt was the bar for reliability and conscientiousness really hit home for me. My fiancé wears a wristband daily he received at a memorial service for a friend that says "Because I Said I Would", which was a motto his friend lived by. My fiancé very much lives by that same principle, which is one of the reasons I love him so deeply. I often compare us, his competence vs. mine. It made my heart a little lighter to recognize I may be weighing myself down too much with crazy expectations of myself. 💜🥰

[@aarondean1872]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 Motivation *isn't always the key to getting things done; there are other factors to consider.* 01:10 Skill *gaps can hinder progress even if motivation is present; having the necessary skills is crucial.* 02:06 Sometimes *a lack of resources, such as energy, money, or support, can be the obstacle, even with motivation.* 03:27 Perfectionism *can prevent starting tasks due to a fear of not doing a perfect job, paradoxically hindering progress.* 06:10 Forgetfulness, *common in ADHD, can lead to tasks being forgotten, unrelated to motivation.* 08:30 Overly *optimistic thinking and unrealistic goals can impede progress, even with motivation. Adjusting goals may be necessary.* Made with HARPA AI

[@albertobarbosa5960]

Nice, what are some of Harpa Ai key differentiators?

[@ruthfeiertag]

The perfectionism is the bane of my existence, too. The more important a task or even a joy is, the more insurmountable the mental mountains become.

[@travisjohnson1318]

Thanks for another great video. The overly optimistic thinking part really hit home. I end up over committing to things and feeling like a failure when I can't do them all. "How many things are you trying to do?" - might need to ask myself that several time daily!

[@illandreidelorpha4774]

I am so glad you are circling around and linking back to your previous videos. It is such a user friendly accommodation. You have many videos in your catalong and it can be hard to find the relevant ones. And that is if I even remember there was a related video.

[@veronicavids]

I am so kind to myself since finding this channel. Thank you for understanding and putting into words how I feel on a day to day basis, along with solutions on how to work with my brain instead of against it

[@CatsMeow14]

I have been watching your videos with my daughter for a long time now. One thing I've noticed over time, is that you have worked to slow down the speed of your talking about a thing. This video shows just how much you've worked on that one thing in your videos. And, I appreciate it (I am a "slow verbal processor" and this helps me a lot). It has also helped me to show my daughter (who also talks very fast) how the different communication styles affect the listener's ability to process the information. Thank you!

[@Mindstormer]

The “I forgot” is literally the one that happens to me all the time, even if the task is right in-front of me. I live with my grandma and she keeps thinking I’m putting it off. Im not putting it off i just completely forgot I was supposed to do that. 😭😂

[@katy8161]

RE; forgetfulness, my husband and I recently discovered one of our pain points was that he thought that when he asked if I could do something and I never did it, that I was just ignoring his request -- when in fact I had completely forgotten. He personally HATES being reminded to do things (even if he puts it off, he'll still remember), whereas I just don't remember in the first place. XD So it was a great conversation we were able to have, where I gave him permission to remind me (in a kind way) when I'm not doing something. It helped him a lot to realize I wasn't just deprioritizing his requests -- I'd just spaced them completely.

[@TheDutchessOfCornville]

I have been putting off cleaning and decorating and prepping for thanksgiving. Now, I have a day and a half to do what I should have been working on for weeks.

[@HowtoADHD]

Oh no! Yeahhh holidays feel like they come up so fast!

[@foamysking]

Honestly a lot of this reminds me how I was in my late teens and early 20’s before I really accepted how I was and what I needed to be doing in order for those around me to count on me and my word. It’s been a mix of tech for reminders and getting stuff done when it comes to mind even if I don’t want to do it as I recall how out of hand things got when I didn’t do that before

[@hayleyhilton5018]

Check, check, check, check and check. I WILL be watching this again when I'm beating myself up again in the future 💜

[@lukaswernetz3258]

How to read or even start reading your book after buying it?

[@BigfootPrinting]

This video and many of yours are like explaining the things inside my mind that I cannot convey to my family properly and I am sending them links to these. I am 30 and never have been diagnosed with adhd but never tested for it. I’ve been too afraid for years to even talk to a doctor about it because of my anxiety. And sometimes thinking I am actually going insane. So while there is some comfort in seeing another person knowing how I feel like in your videos, it also makes me feel pretty sad and hopeless that I won’t be able to do the things I have set as goals for myself in life and reach my ambitions. I feel broken

[@rocklicker4toez110]

I have a final project due in a day. I've been putting it off. Then this pops up. I think it's a sign

[@Jay-ql4gp]

Oh....Perspective Memory. That's why I do that. I call the motivation lever The Sword in the Stone. Because, most of the time, you can't budge it. But when you do raise it aloft, you are unstoppable!

[@GlenHunt]

#3 Perfectionism when it comes to the things most important to my soul. I've been battling to accomplish a (maybe) simple thing for five months now, but I'm afraid I won't be perfect enough when it happens. *sigh*

[@KJ-bj2oi]

This video is really lighting up my teacher brain. It is definitely something to have in my back pocket when communicating with students. And on a person level, I really related to number 4 and 5!

[@VanessaMarieBooks]

Perfectionism and overly optimistic thinking are the two that get me the most.

[@Aquaghost302]

The forgetfulness has always been a struggle for me with guilt. There are things I need to do that are important but if I don't have someone reminding me or pushing, I will forget. I know it's important and it needs to get done and I truly do care about it, but I just flat out forget until a random time when I can't get to it and end up feeling so guilty, which just makes it worse. Thank you for the validation.

[@georgeau2523]

'Positive illusory bias' sounds much nicer than 'Lying to myself'

[@Aussieloz1]

I've just returned to university after 20 years of being in the workforce. I thought I could quite easily find a part time job so that I could earn some money while I studied, that I could manage the workload because it was a topic that I was excited about. It never occurred to me that I would spend months dealing with the stress of my old life, and just as long trying to settle into my new one. I love my degree, and as an adult with life experience, I know that it's a manageable workload. It makes it more frustrating every time I apply for an extension. Each day, I tell myself I can just get this or that done, and then barely scrape the surface of it. I'm starting to finally get settled, but it's not been easy.

[@StacyIzhikova]

wait what??? Baby?? I got distracted! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@amaderog]

I totally relate. I have postponed a task for almost two years because of perfectionism and I constantly feel the anxiety of how important it seems or the fear of not getting it right.

[@neurodivergentdawn]

It is always more than motivation. I am a very motivated person but still struggle so much to do things.

[@katuni08]

I have been mixing up “motivation” with “inspiration” and “momentum.” I know my motivations for deep cleaning the living room. What I might not have is the drive to do it. This is an important distinction that I’m glad you defined!

[@feelingsintheabyss470]

This came at literally the perfect time… it’s like you read my mind 😱

[@dadainthip]

Perfection... yeah... In job interviews, when asked about my weakness (hate that Q but that's a different topic) I would say that, if I am not careful, that I can get too focused on the details of the process. But it's exactly what you're describing.

[@TheOxygenBandit84]

Thank you for this (as per normal). This year is really about organisation and progress… getting it done! A lot of it will be on the computer so those apps/tools are goping to be great. 2 Tools/Strategies I find helpful in everyday life are: 1) The typical To-Do list. Writing it down in categories and priorities, and then ticking it off as I go so the progress and “wins" motivate me. 2) A Memory Journal/Box. Memory is a huge issue for me, so making sure I write things down is a form of repetition that helps secure things in my short term memory. I have a kind of empty tissue box with memo cards and a pen with it. So, when I want to remembor something, I always try repeat it outloud once or twice, and if its more important I can write it down, pop it in the box, and then I can regularly turn to those cards in the box and read them, really helping to just secure them in there

[@LisaSchaefer007]

I always love your videos. I asked my husband to help me recover our patio chairs as a body double. As it turns out it WAS a lack of knowledge that he happened to know that helped me make the covers work.

[@richardjaramillo40]

Perfectionism! Thank you for pointing that out. Its so weird when I am being a perfectionist about some tiny detail I'm interested in while the house is a mess, bills unpaid, I haven't showered, etc. It's one of the things that made me not even consider that might have ADHD until I was 47. My Mom amd my kids do it too.

[@Elliecharlie]

Watched this so I could get motivated to start a project, and also organise additional help with studying. I feel like because I haven't started this one thing everyday else in my life is also not getting done.

[@James-mz7sf]

The text tone at 3:06 in the video is too funny, I just stopped everything I was doing to find my phone only to realize its on silent 😂

[@mehlover]

Okay, this explains a lot with why I struggle to cross off tasks off my to-do list, because I'm way too over optimistic and not realistic of what things I can get done. Or i beat myself up for not getting everything done that i said I was going to do. It's not a realistic workload. Plus being forgetful and having the resources always play a huge amount into what things I can do for the day. Motivation can only get you so far, and overcoming with sheer willpower works better in fiction. In the real world, always possible to rely solely on motivation or blame someone for not being motivated enough to finish a task. This video showed it's a lot more complicated than that. And it also helps take the pressure off and be more kinder to myself. Especially when I run out of energy. Thanks for that.

[@adhderhere]

I think it's a good idea to have a list of the gaps at hand, so we can check what we are missing when we have or want to do something but we can't. Writing what we are missing may help us realize what steps we should be taking next to be able to complete the task. Thanks for this video, really helpful!!

[@adventuresforlife6675]

I ve been ignoring my ebay account for a week coz I was scarred I couldnt handle all the messages. Because of your great video I just deleted the sending option so that people have to come to me in order to buy. I just cant handle finding a box, cleaning and packing what I wanna sell, then beeing out of tape and so on. Thanks for helping me ☺️

[@kirkbrown1267]

I love the subtle "ding" when introducing a new strategy. Thanks for the Q.

[@secretlyadragon4723]

Why is it that every time I'm struggling, How To ADHD comes through with a video when I need it. This channel is such a God send! I just wasted two days trying to do a thing and failing because I was overwhelmed, spent another two listless days moping around playing the Sims because I'm stressed out over not being able to make myself do the thing, only to realise after watching this that the one thing I'm trying to do is actually ten things! Somehow my brain convinced myself that it was a 'simple' task, when it's actually really complicated! No wonder I feel overwhelmed every time I try to start doing it.

[@fairywingsonroses]

This video was really helpful. Thanks. I needed to change my narrative from not motivated to struggling with literally all of the things you listed in this video. Also, there is no shame in waiting to have kids. I wish more people would acknowledge that they aren't ready to have kids. I wasn't ready, and it's really negatively impacted my ability to parent and just generally manage my life around parenting. I hate it when people threaten others with the "you don't have time" excuse. Maybe you don't, but is this really something you want to force or rush when you aren't sure or aren't ready? It's not just about you. Your kid will be impacted by this too. It's far better to wait than it is to rush it. Take it from someone who probably should have waited.

[@dianecuabo1781]

Video inspired mantra: I am capable. Anxiety and perfectionism do not limit me. I am able to discern the difference between what is possible and what is realistic. I share surplus ideas that may inspire others.

[@BellaFlayme]

What stops me from starting is feeling like all things are equally important. I need to do my housework but I also need to make listings for eBay and I also need to make dinner. Other things that slow me down are having a messy environment, fatigue and brain fog from Fibromyalgia, having to go out at some point during the day, etc. The thing that stops me the most is having a messy house. And it's hard to get things ADHD friendly in an already kind of messy house. My husband is a messy messy person, so that doesn't help.

[@Anna-jr8dz]

i struggle to finish the last end of my decluttering journey - sale boxes and digitize paper . all the reasons above are true for me. lately i started asking myself to do even 1 big task a day and also take breaks- this way i dont burn out as much. i really have to keep going cos minimalismish really make my life so much better . also other routine tasks that evolve more complexities and pepole i usually avoid! actually stay away from many things as i have this fatigue also since having long covid twice .

[@kathyoverton998]

The flip side of overly optimistic thinking concerning time is when someone thinks a task it's going to take so much time, they keep saying they don't have time to do it today. So it never gets done. But once I start working on it, I discovered it didn't take near as long as I thought it would. Or a task could be broken up in different ways so I could do some of it on one day and some of it on another.

[@ariannaxr]

One other angle to see it is that many times when we think we lack motivation, we actually lack ACTIVATION. (Learned this from the wise Eric Tivers) I think activation can be transversally related to points 1-2-3 but it's also a thing on its own... It makes the first step very hard, regardless the reason.

[@stephkirwin1898]

as a retired person I have time now I have my list of things to do with my life goals. I have been able to check things off my list lately. One at a time is working for me rather well. Unfortunately I have a lot of lists (on my list of things to do put my lists in one book ha). cheers glad to see you doing well

[@K3153YKane]

I have a quote on my fridge that says "motivation is a luxury. Just be responsible. " because most things will not wait for me to feel motivation.

[@roamingirl]

Nice!

[@caspiansfriend]

So, I was surfing around in KZbin this morning, you know, for ... "reasons." 😊and I came across this video. OK, I really need to check this out! (It's super easy to procrastinate in the name of bettering myself.) Points 3 and 5 really landed with me. And I can see how they feed on each other in my endless loop of never actually getting things done. Point 4? Yeah, I can see that in me. I don't just forget the Big Hairy Audacious Goal (I'm so 80's, aren't I? hehe) but I forget the motivation, the feeling, the sense of importance. It all just evaporates. After watching this video I feel like I can do this. Just take the first step (in my case, open up the editing software). Don't try to make it great. Just tinker with the project. As for remembering why the tasks are important (but definitely don't fee urgent), I better just get really quiet for a few minutes, do some breathing exercises and then reflect on why this important but not urgent project is actually super important. Thanks!!!! PS: One more thing that I forgot. Music! Music really helps motivate me! My go-to playlist is the sound track from Oblivion (not a "5 star" movie, I know. But I liked it! And the sound track is epic.). Or the sound track from the Amazon series "The Expanse" super good sci fi! I would play my NightWish list (freak'n amazing band!) but I'm likely to get too caught up in their lyrics and it all becomes my own personal head-banging concert. Not only do I stop my work, but if someone were to walk in at that point.... yeah, what would be pretty awkward. So, Anyway (John Cleese fans, you know the autobiography that I'm referring to ) time to finally put and end to this ramble and take that baby step in starting my project. Thanks, again!! www.amazon.com/So-Anyway--John-Cleese-audiobook/dp/B01N4DMKJ8/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=580633687626&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9021431&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13680404632109929420&hvtargid=kwd-299555205119&hydadcr=22121_13323301&keywords=john+cleese+so+anyway&qid=1700591969&sr=8-1

[@HowtoADHD]

YOU GOT THIS!! :D Also... VERY relatable

[@rachelkrislov]

I ❤ ur "oldschool" videos. the format always holds my attention

[@dancole2994]

I've found I have 3 reasons for doing anything: 1. I am in 'get things done' mode where momentum is already there, 2. I am inspired or exited in the moment, 3. The deadline is close and I can't afford the consequences. If none of those have triggered me into action. I'm probably not going to procrastinate. The occasional exception is daily routine that has always been there, like eating or getting dressed. Ultimately, it's not the reason, it's the emotion - fear or excitement. Trying to build and keep new habits doesn't work unless I have someone else encouraging me in the moment. If I could just get to bed on time and keep the morning routine!!

[@jesters.workshop]

My current theme of this season of learning how to work with my AuDHD is compassionate discipline. My desires and goals need some form of discipline in order to be achieved and setting those so they’re actually realistic and attainable is an act of love to myself. I can be disciplined and give myself the wiggle room of compassion and accommodations for helping me get there I think

[@kristimaslan1825]

Soo helpful. It's so nice to come to your channel and find someone who understands.

[@atyla7067]

Hey thank you so much, when i always watch your videos and listen to you, i get relaxed and it helps me to learn lot of stuff, keep going my friend😊

[@justDennDM]

I can definitely relate to a lot of these reasons you listed. I also experience what I call the "If you give a mouse a cookie" situation (like the book of the same name). I will gear myself up to do "A", but in order to do "A", I have to do "B" first. However, before "B" can be started, I need to finish "C" and "D". Well, "C" will be easy, but "D" is going to require me to get "E", "F", "G", "H", and "I" started, etc... And by that time, I get overwhelmed and exhausted just trying to think about getting started with the simple task of "A"... and don't do anything.

[@dark_neverland]

All this. For me, motivation is often the least of the obstacles if it's even an obstacle. It's been challenging to find gainful employment because I cannot sustain certain factors like I used to. And when basic needs aren't being met, motivation can become paralyzing

[@CaedenV]

I think the amazing thing about adhd is how hard motivation can be sometimes, but at other times motivation helps me overcome most other resource or skill gaps. I make a decent income, and my boss laughs at me because bribery of cookies or doughnuts can motivate me to go that extra mile so easily. Am I going to get paid hourly overtime? No because I am salary. But drop a $5 box of cookies in front of me and I'll continue plugging away at my desk until the cookies run out. That instant reward of sweets while working can overcome a great many things. Even when I need to learn a new skill, and execute it, all within a couple hours.

[@shawnholbrook7278]

I forced myself to do many things for years because i thought i had to, or i should be able to. My health was affected. Now, i have to pick and choose just a few things, that is difficult.

[@21972012145525]

Same. Except I wasn't forced

[@TheSwedishCarGuy]

This is soooo relatable, had a plan for today but sooo tired so have not yet done it. So plan to do it tomorrow instead :) and also have some planning as well, as you said with perfectionistic!

[@Dubes-ng1fm]

It is funny that this was today's post because I have been feeling that my inability to get school stuff done has been lack of motivation. I never thought that it may be due to the fact that I'm so burned out and tired and stressed. Instead I keep being like oh it's just one class this should be easy, but then people are like you are also working extra at work to pay bills, take care of kids, try to help keep the house clean and whatever else comes up along the way. Thank you for your content, it has been really helpful for me understanding my ADHD and brain as a whole since being diagnosed two years ago at the age of 31.

[@midnightgir6]

This is why I don't set new years resolutions anymore. I barely have the motivation for self improvement, because it's such an arbitrary time. It would come down to I try for 2 weeks and then give up. Then I feel sorry for myself for the rest of the year. Or I can start at a just as arbitrary time, and pick any other time of the year, which has helped much more. I think it was that I chose the time and schedule to start on, so I feel more motivated, because I had more agency in picking a time.

[@TheOneWhoKnocks969]

I have same problem with perfectionism ig i have watch the previous video

[@lanaa198]

Very true, thank you ❤

[@B0eing787]

Allotted time/available time remaining is another resource I often find lacking. When I know that I am not going to be able to finish a task on time (a common occurrence for someone who takes longer to do things than most and sets overly optimistic deadlines for myself in the first place), I often lose the motivation to work hard on the task (or work much on it at all). That is because I already know I will have partially “failed” by the end, and reducing the scale of that failure doesn’t induce the same amount of urgency that usually helps me complete tasks.

[@victoriab8186]

with the 'forgetfulness' thing, for me it's helpful to think of it not as forgetting (especially given that culturally that has such an association with not valuing the thing) but as not remembering, or not remembering *at useful times* - it's the recall that is impaired. I might keep remembering a thing that I'm meaning to do, but still never do it, because I always remember it in the middle of the night, or when I'm out shopping, or when I'm at work - and I can't act on that remembering at that time. I haven't 'forgotten' in totality - the want to do it is still in my brain, and it might even be stressful at times how much I want to do the thing - but if I don't remember at the right time, then I can't act. It often feels like this is hard to justify to others (if the 'forgotten' thing was something that impacts other people) - if you say you forgot it, they get the wrong impression. That you 'keep forgetting it' is closer to the truth, but it's still not really what's going on, and still has these awkward value judgements placed on it. I think the problem is that 'forget' is an active verb - it implies an action at a point in time which is the forgetting, which suggests a reason for said forgetting - whereas in actuality, nothing is 'forgotten' unless it is never remembered again - the salient action is not the losing of the memory, but the retrieval of the memory. And the English language isn't good at recognising that.