Why Pain & Suffering Are Necessary For A Good Life - Paul Bloom

Paul Bloom is Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Yale University and an author.
People do strange things to feel pleasure. Eating spicy food, having rough sex, watching scary movies. On top of that, they make huge sacrifices to find meaning, like having children or starting a business or training for a marathon. This suggests that perhaps there is more to living a good life than simple hedonistic pleasure.
Expect to learn the four ways that we enjoy suffering, how the sexual fantasies of men & women differ, the true red pill around whether more money will make you happier, what you can learn about mindfulness from a dominatrix, why people love to watch sad movies, how a life without discomfort will become hell and much more...
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#psychology #pain #pleasure
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00:00 Intro
03:51 How People Use Suffering to get Pleasure
13:14 Why We Love Scary Movies
25:04 What is the Ethics Paradox?
32:14 Why Suffering is Important for a Meaningful Life
39:37 The Relationship Between Meaning & Pleasure
54:12 How Wealth Affects Happiness
1:02:26 The Role of Sacrifice in Meaning
1:08:44 What is Compensatory Control?
1:15:48 How to Apply ‘The Sweet Spot’
1:17:06 Where to Find Paul
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Get in touch in the comments below or head to...
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[@ChrisWillx]

Join the Modern Wisdom Community now - modernwisdom.locals.com/. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Intro 03:51 How People Use Suffering to get Pleasure 13:14 Why We Love Scary Movies 25:04 What is the Ethics Paradox? 32:14 Why Suffering is Important for a Meaningful Life 39:37 The Relationship Between Meaning & Pleasure 54:12 How Wealth Affects Happiness 1:02:26 The Role of Sacrifice in Meaning 1:08:44 What is Compensatory Control? 1:15:48 How to Apply ‘The Sweet Spot’ 1:17:06 Where to Find Paul

[@ndndndnnduwjqams]

I was going to send you a mail asking you to invite him, thats great

[@dislikebutton1935]

After a high-flying, high paying glamorous international career, I suffered a complete mental break, attempted suicide several times, five years of heroin addiction, several deliberate overdoses. Lost my marriage, my job, my house. Living in my car at 45 years old with literally nothing. Somehow, with a little kindness from strangers, I rebuilt. I’m back in the same industry as before - but higher paying, less flying, and more challenging. I’m good at it because of what I survived. I learned so much about myself. I also learned I am very, very hard to kill.

[@gaganahari4641]

Watsapp number??

[@FelixSkura]

Every painful situation i’ve been in has made me extremely successful in the long term. I purposefully seek a war in my life because it’s an opportunity for growth.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

every single one? you've never been simply taken advantage of at no benefit to you? that is not the case. and don't make the mistake of looking down on those who've been screwed over and deny that it's happened to you as a result. the position of a victim has nothing to do with his character and everything to do with the perp's character. would you blame a victim of a mugging for "beiNG a ViCtiMMmmm" OR tell him that it happened to help him grow? no, both of those things would be ridiculous.

[@tackleberryc6472]

Yeah...its life....it will make or break you...who knew...

[@tackleberryc6472]

@@Paythepipertoplay It's not an absolute requirement... You just feel better if you achieve your goals and it's not handed to you on a plate...

[@MomoSimone22]

Currently struggling a lot doing something I'm very passionate about, but I spend most days anxious and stressed, which often makes me feel down. When I take a step back and think about what it is I'm doing, I wouldn't change anything, but I have wondered if it's worth it to feel this shit working towards the end goal, which I think will bring a lot of joy. This episode is months old now but I've watched it at the right time for me. It's made me realise that this goal I'm working towards is worth it for me and the suffering is for a good purpose.

[@astralislux305]

Alan Watts! I love his lectures. This is the second mention of his name on your podcast that I've counted, so far.

[@n8sterling727]

Fantastic episode man per usual! Keep em coming.

[@biancarice789]

great episode, I clicked on it because I am suffering from external cicumstances at the moment and needed advice.there were some gems in it that helped me, so thank you!

[@farmersmith7057]

Happiness is very often the relief of a pain or discomfort. I think pain/discomfort can give meaning and motivation to our lives. Having said that, we can experience pain that seems meaningless and unending.

[@DemetriPanici]

*”There are more things that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality." - Seneca*

[@rachelkingsley668]

love this quote thanks!

[@Broniath]

@Sara Fox I agree, this probably mostly applies to people in western countries who have an average or above average income. The rest of the world is not that lucky.

[@colinyoung3685]

@Sara Fox If we are rationally afraid of injury, everything that can injure us can frighten us. Yet the inverse is not true, it is a logical claim.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@@Broniath an above average income is NOWHERE NEAR the definition of safety and absence of injury. in fact, if working for another, your safety and dignity are THE COST of staying on that W2.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

@colin young what? fear is the evolutionary development that allows us to avoid injury. they are inextricable. the fact that fear CAN be misplaced sometimes does not change the fact.

[@AlexAlexanderRVparkinvestor]

33:55 The statement is incomplete. '"Hell is where you get everything thing you want" (When you know you don't deserve it). Great Show Williamson.

[@JonathanPoland]

Great stuff, as usual.

[@francescos7361]

True suffering is very important for a good life

[@RichardsonRaider]

Even people that suffer, are better for it, and are totally aware don't want it to continue.

[@Zoofactory]

Daily Anxiety Cost Reduction is Gold.

[@putinstea]

Watched his Yale lectures on psychology - would recommend to anyone, just search on youtube.

[@bienmal]

👌🏽👌🏽 great guest

[@ChrisWillx]

I love Paul. He's very legit

[@mvs9122]

Surgeons very much enjoy doing complex surgeries where there is a lot of risk of things going wrong. The feeling at the end is of making it and all working out is so “full filling “

[@fisher5309]

Listening to this immediately alleviates my anxiety

[@Justybow]

17:30 enjoy physical emotions

[@gatherfeather3122]

What if the remembering self actually IS the experiencing self? The experience in a certain moment is that of the memory, isn't it? So it all depends on how you spend your time: experiencing the acutal moment or living in a memory of the past :D

[@michaelweber5702]

Allen Watts lived in Sausalito , on a houseboat near San Francisco ...

[@francescos7361]

Newton una grande mente.

[@sutherlander]

No idea why you don’t have more views…

[@ohsweetmystery]

My theory on bdsm is that it is for sexually stunted people who need boosters for their enjoyment. No different than adrenaline junkies who pursue danger because they are naturally low in adrenaline. This would be why you don't find psychological ties, it is a physical disorder that can affect anyone.

[@TheUplate]

I'm laid up after a dicectomy and the sciatic pain is not necessary. It's not saving me from injury and the constant suffering isn't a delightful counterpoint that makes pleasure more poignant. It's just constant, unrelenting pain. Sorry, I found no consolation in this video

[@ChrisWillx]

That’s the difference between chosen and unchosen pain which he identifies. Watch the full episode

[@TheUplate]

@@ChrisWillx I did

[@Broniath]

I think this mostly applies to people who don't really experience pain in their life, which ironically makes them miserable, because humans aren't really made for that. Like the crowd that will intentionally do cold showers and eat extremely spicy foods.

[@TheUplate]

Thanks, I knew that complications were a possibility when I elected to undergo surgery, but choice and control don't always overlap. I'm told that it'll get easier, gradually, but I'm seeing no improvement and becoming despondent. Once this ordeal is over, the rest of my life will be far longer and better than this miserable chapter, I'm just finding it hard to focus on the destination and the comparative relief right now. As stated in the video, nothing focuses the mind quite like pain.

[@TheUplate]

@Katie A I realize the content of the video isn't really geared toward what I was looking for. I just got my hopes up. He uses the example of going to the dentist to get the pain over and done with and in essence, that's what I did. Then they talk about sequence of events in a very obvious way (the pleasure has to come after the pain) and I'm thinking "yeah, obviously people prefer it when things get better as opposed to worse". I guess I just wanted them to dig a little deeper into the nature of the issue rather than obvious, surface-level stuff. Just selfish, I suppose

[@Stierenkloot]

Very fucking interesting

[@lisaq787]

At 15:25 min in the guest references a study about fantasizing about being in love etc. Which appears to be in contrast to visualization/manifesting. Does anyone know what study he is talking about? Found it. He appears to be referencing the work of Prof. Gabriele Oettingen kzbin.info/www/bejne/bZ7Sk6ufoMaMnbc

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

if something brings you pleasure, though.. then it's not pain. those are opposites. when someone wants things that are physically painful, they are gaining some kind of reward from it, and so the ultimate result is pleasure. just like with training for a marathon. this kind of thing can be a result of having a twisted mind from a messed up life, or with the latter example of the marathon.. well people can use that to flog themselves too. conversely, people will run a marathon or do something they feel is a big deal so that others will recognize them. or hopefully, so that their bodies will be fit. which IS the reward and IS the joy. it doesn't mean "humans seek pain and pain is good for you". one oversimplification and one false premise, respectively. it's always men claiming this "good and evil are both needed" stuff.. i DO NOT hear women making this claim unless they are doing it about themselves with that "the bad things made me who i am/brought me here" excuse. it's never a general statement about humans needing to be in pain. very interesting, that. but the life without unnecessary (99% of it is manmade) pain and suffering results in happy people with joie de vivre. there are some hardships that come with the natural order. but being enslaved to the ruling class.. which is again 99% of our problem.. is not part of that.

[@virtualalias]

So happy to hear Paul bring up Alan Watts. That quote was my introduction to Watts kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYTZkHWsZq1qeLM and started a years long journey of my enjoying quite a lot of his work and leaning on it during some very difficult times. At times, my wife and I have referred to suffering as "Miracle Gro for the Soul," so this was a very validating and entertaining episode.

[@oldsoul3539]

I suspect the kissing the celebrity two days from now thing is wanting a day to go make themselves look the best they can but not wanting to admit it.

[@carlotapuig]

Prof Edward Dutton has explained why so many women are fascinated by r4pe and violence and have r4pe fantasies. Have him on the show, he's amazing.

[@stephenadams2397]

Don't drink beer after eating spicy food. It will make it worse. Drink milk.

[@ohsweetmystery]

Many people are not captured by the grotesque and the cruel. This man really needs to qualify his statements and not make them sound all inclusive of humans. It sounds like he associates with people more on one side of the spectrum. Maybe those unsavory types are the ones who like to answer all those surveys and polls, skewing the data.

[@MomoSimone22]

Agreed! I was listening to that part and was wondering if something was wrong with me haha. If I were to see anything grotesque, I would not be captivated by it, I would turn away. I don't expose myself to horror and gruesome content often and, funnily enough, watched John Wick last night and realised that I am not at all desensitised to gruesome stuff. Any time a knife is used to injure someone in a movie, I can't watch. Also scenes with any form of torture, I can't watch those either. I don't enjoy grotesque artwork either and just find it disturbing haha.

[@RichardsonRaider]

Speaking of suffering in such a way makes me wonder if you truly ever have. It actually makes me wonder about you in general.

[@robertmacdonaldch5105]

Is it just me or could this guy be Rodger Dangerfields son?

[@Exodus26.13Pi]

Try it poor

[@ndndndnnduwjqams]

33:00 Story of the need for obstacles and struggle 36:00 You need the spectre of failure, difficult, struggle and disappointment to live a good life

[@marshallwilliams2990]

most women in professional dominant titles

[@ohsweetmystery]

I am not influenced at all by anyone who has a desire to kiss a celebrity on the lips. Yuck, both to the experience and to the questionable value system of that person.

[@Stierenkloot]

Honestly this guys seems kinda clueless. Some of the things he’s baffled by have obvious answers imo