Why Western Parenting is WEIRD - Michaeleen Doucleff | Maiden Mother Matriarch

[@andreakrueger7851]

I'm Gen-X and I realize I was fortunate to be raised by Silent Generation parents who passed down parenting methods and values to my younger brother and me through child play and modeling parental roles. My parents both worked full-time jobs and shared the childminding. My brother and I were read aloud to by both parents and showered with children's books. I was given baby dolls that I could play feed and change diapers. I had doll houses and kitchen playsets, and what I learned in the nursery, my mother reinforced by having me with her as she cooked and cleaned the home. My father taught me to ride a bike, throw a baseball, and the practical skills of home and auto maintenance. I grew up well prepared for working, keeping a home, and marriage at age 23, and motherhood at age 25. And though my husband and I divorced, our now 30-something daughter is a well adjusted adult.

[@Ravenelvenlady]

Coming from a Caribbean family and born in the mid 1960s, the extended family looked after us kids. We STILL do this today even if the mother and father are the primary parents.

[@daveatkinson1042]

there is pretty good data correlating children's IQ's with the amount of parental interaction in conversation. It's possible that the IQ differences between nationalities are due to this limitation of early childhood conversation, and it's also possible that the early childhood IQ bumps from parents who talk to their kids end-up disappearing by the time they get to age 25. I wouldn't drop-off the conversations with your kid given what we know now, but I also would not try to constantly entertain them and shield them from emotions like disappointment.

[@francestaylor9156]

I actually think a huge part of it is the desire of the mother to infantilize the child (they grow up so fast!) and sort of a self flagellation that comes from Calvinism where you must hate what you do because that’s good for you lol. There’s a sort of martyrdom that people desire to be recognized as a sacrifice for their kids.

[@carolynbrightfield8911]

As grandparents, my hb and I (both retired teachers) are excluded from helping when we've offered repeatedly. We do as the parents' request. So many grandparents who I know are in this situation.

[@victimoperated9795]

Sometimes parents think they’re taking advantage of there parents or they think if they can’t do it themselves they’re failing. My mother in law helps my wife and I out during the week. And I pay her even though she didn’t want the money at first but I explained that it makes me feel better to give her something in return.

[@benthomas4544]

Not suggesting you do this, but a common complaint I hear from fellow parents is the unwanted parenting advice/criticisms from grandparents. It doesn't really bother me, but that seems to be ones of the reasons I hear for parents avoiding help from grandparents.

[@onceamoth]

Post hoc rationalisation of her personal aversions?

[@Leo-mr1qz]

I had 3 babies in 4 years' time. I had both sets of grandparents, 2 aunts, & an uncle (2 of my husband's sisters and my brother) within 10 miles from me. No one ever helped me! My husband worked rotating shifts, so he was either at work on sleeping. I did my best. That was my only option. 💔

[@louis-vd3ur]

I have a very similar situation. I am however grateful they do not help. They were horrible at child rearing. Only people who were successful are truly forthcoming. It sounds like your family did you a favor as well in being absent.

[@EriPages]

Thoughts on normalizing #Polygyny (multiple wives in 1 Household), so that the children are raised by several shared mothers under 1 Husband/Father?

[@nataliaseweryn]

Conflicting views all around YT. I am reading this book called Being There by Erica Komisar which is backed up research and she talks about the importance of being present with the child physically and emotionally at least until they are three years old. The sitting on the floor - the BORING stuff this woman is talking about, is crucial to forming a healthy attachment and developing a mentally healthy mind of an adult later on. All the rest of the things she says about parenting and bringing up a child aligns with other scholars where not only parents but a wider community must bring up and look after the child. We live in this age where everyone is lonely and we strive to be even more lovely and ‘independent’ in the west:

[@sphynksman]

Being a parent myself, I noticed that Western society is very unfriendly to parents. Too many childless people around who are willing to teach you how to do parenting.

[@francestaylor9156]

I’ll add that a lot of parents don’t trust other people (even family members) with their kids. You literally never know and a huge part of the issues in America is because there’s so much abuse of children. It’s insane. I actually think that the abuse of children is actually worse than we know and that’s crazy because there’s so much abuse that’s mentioned in media. The countless stories you read in the comments about ppl being abused as kids is WILD.