Why You Can’t Stop Craving Love From People You Can’t Have

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There is a huge connection between abuse and neglect - especially emotional neglect in childhood - and a painful pattern in adulthood of pouring all the love in your heart into the IDEA of someone you can’t have. The word for this is limerence. And as much as this is a painful and lonely maladaptation of our very human need for love - there’s something tender and beautiful about this too. I used to think limerence was something shameful and crazy, until I received this extraordinary letter from a woman a few years ago called Sofia, which I wanted to share with you in this video that was much beloved by my viewers at the time. Tell me in the comments what YOU think.
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[@MissSothePeacefulObserver]

I'm so glad you're doing so many episodes on limerence. So many of us are dealing with this and have for years. It keeps us from developing actual healthy relationships. Appreciate you, Anna.

[@annalyn_]

In case Sophia gets to see this - I am really sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation. I understand that your current lifestyle and values are conflicting with your relationship with this person. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to process these emotions. You are a good person and you are doing everything you can to create a meaningful life for yourself. You are a miracle of life and you can go through this limerent episode! Hugs!

[@janet8418]

Sad for Sophia. What a terrible thing for a mother to mistreat a child. It can mess up a child most of the child’s life. Your videos are helpful in understanding why some people act the way they do when older.

[@Chantlaura11]

Sophia doesn't indicate whether she's in an active or contemplative Order, but I have to say that I greatly admire her great clarity regarding her Vocation. One of the hard things for a laywoman of faith, single for so long, I have always taken for granted that marriage is my Vocation, but wounds have shaped (warped?) me so that I have pretty much resigned myself to being alone. Limerence has marked my life -- even marrying a man who was totally incapable of connecting with me because of his homosexuality (which I didn't know, when we married) . . . I began to recognize several years ago that I'm powerfully drawn to strong, intelligent men who are not emotionally available. These things become more and more complicated, the more I reflect and analyze. Still, there is peace. Thanks for your work.

[@catherineedge5446]

Wow, Anna - such a fabulous video - thank you so much for explaining that limerence is a twisted depression based on a completion fantasy.

[@CeciledeLuire]

Let me guess: because good old childhood hope for a not (sufficiently) existing love is triggered - and we feel we need this *hope* for love in order to survive. As it was true when we were kids- but is not true any more. But it sits so deep and we think it is love because it touches and hurts the core of our souls. And we mistake this desperate hope for love with love, because this desperate hope for love is all we know and we do not know what real love feels like. And now i watch

[@missbooshealinghomestead]

That was very well said. Yes exactly! I hope we all experience real love one day.

[@CeciledeLuire]

@@missbooshealinghomestead 💛 we can!

[@davidsisson2026]

I'm a limerant. I'll admit I love someone who does not have the same feelings. I have dated a couple of other ladies , hoping it would help me get over her. Since the dates went no where. I'm still stuck on her.

[@goldalevin869]

Wonbderful answer, Anna.

[@skyz296]

Or you can choose to finally love yourself ❤❤. These men ain't right out here 😂😂❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉

[@eugetesta5847]

Not all men are the same ( nor women) 😉

[@marylouleeman591]

Yeah, there's a few great guys out there.

[@mariep.2004]

I found a good one thank God, but unfortunately have to agree with OP about 99.99*infinity% of the rest of them. 😂

[@yzzy1966]

Anna I really love your videos, your work is extraordinary needing! But you literally using videos, what you already put out. Its totally 1 in 1. I don't know why is it good to put out the same videos. I am saying this with thr biggest respect, love your work! ❤

[@DisplayingWays]

I love these gaslighting videos

[@veronikaroskova633]

Love the video but hate the fact that you have started reposting videos recently... your audience can find your old videos, no need to repost them to gain extra views...

[@BabaJaga]

I would have never seen this video if she didn’t repost