Why You'll Probably Fail To Get Your Ex Back Unless You Ignore Them

[@robert3640]

As the no contact rule becomes more popular and more people know about it, your ex is also likely to know about it.

[@The_Badcompany]

The no contact rule is so important after a break up. It 100% gets you back with your ex, if they have any feelings for you they will miss you.

[@Ale-tb8nz]

The Badcompany Gaming i think how long of NC is very important you have to be really careful if you really want that person in your life because dont they start thinking negative towards you?

[@phoenixflier25]

Though my daughter who is 14 has no desire to get back with her ex he is trying to talk to her and be extra friendly to her. He broke up with her and she didn't beg or cry in front of him. He even had a new girlfriend but they recently broke up. They only lasted three months. This is fun😈

[@ThanhNguyen-sy1uq]

@@phoenixflier25 wow you're getting tea from your teenager daughter's dating life? Thats goal

[@Handleisnotavailable1]

@@ThanhNguyen-sy1uqthat was incredibly weird. From all the stuff I’ve seen, I’ve never seen a teenager parent here, let alone a kid’s dad joking about his daughter’s break up.

[@shineon4863]

Ignore your ex and you teach them how to live without you.

[@sshuteandrew]

Shine On Yes, but I’m also afraid seeing my ex casually 2-3 times a month and texting a few times is week is teaching him how to have me casually, which suits his needs and comfort level just fine since he wants me and no one else; however, still has fears and doubts about us working out. I feel I could be enabling his fears to be functional.

[@Ale-tb8nz]

Stacey Swope it seems to me like that isnt the guy that you want in your life which means NC is the best option guys need to really know what they want 3rd parties are usually the case and i believe you deserve better he will know what he lost a person that wasnt willing to give up on them till they had a reason to

[@Jessergdl]

Ignore your ex and you teach them how is to live without you.

[@IsaacKnowReally]

Yes but also you have to give em a chance to miss you

[@A...LA...LA...A]

Mature person would definitely move on, even with continuous heartaches, and it has nothing to do with pride.

[@flower6186]

I'm done with my 30 day no contact rule and guess what? He's still not here :DDD might block him because I don't think he'll ever reach out. I'm so fucking sad.

[@aliacoo]

He's in a rebound now, so I pretty much have to wait for that to fall apart. I need to allow him that. Until then, I'm keeping quiet. Will he notice? Will he care? Not sure.

[@Ale-tb8nz]

aliacoo and thats the sad part that we are still waiting for them i say we put all the focus on ourselves and let the universe bring you the person thats meant to be with us all along by holding on we are only closing opportunities for us if they really want us they will reach out just like we have

[@phoenixflier25]

Aliacoo It will fall apart. Trust me.

[@phoenixflier25]

During the time you are waiting work on yourself. Look hotter, keep yourself busy, hang out with lots of friends, especially guys.

[@aliacoo]

@@phoenixflier25 I sure hope so! My friend keeps reminding me that things may not be all sunshine and roses with them either. It's hard to keep that in mind, however. I have been putting in the work, plus I picked up a second job which keeps me busy, as I am now working 68 hrs/wk. We work at the same place, so I am constantly joking around and visiting with people when he is close by...I do anyway, but I put in a bit of extra effort when he is nearby. I have done two coachings so far with two different coaches, plus I have a third coaching session tomorrow.

[@phoenixflier25]

Aliacoo I think it will work for you because it's working for my daughter. Her ex broke up with her because he "wasn't feeling it". My daughter was devastated but I was coaching her to be strong and work on herself. When he broke it off she didn't beg or cry in front of him but inside she was hurting so much. She did no contact and flooded her social media with pics and videos of her having a great time with friends. They both go to the same school. He then started dating some other girl. I told her it wasn't going to last more than three months . Then BINGO! I was right!😂🤣😂🤣😂 During all that time he was dating his new girlfriend he would look at my daughter as if he regretted his decision. They were talking to each other on and off but my daughter was very laid back and didn't show much enthusiasm when he talked to her. Then he sees her with ALOT of male friends. It must have driven him nuts! He would have LOVED to see my daughter beg him to take her back but it never happened. Him and his girlfriend broke up about a week and a half go and he's really into talking to my daughter now more than ever. The hysterical thing is that she doesn't want him back!!😂😂😂😂😂 All this time she also made herself look great and became more confident😁 It works!

[@19dulce68]

I will NEVER go back to my ex. Why. Because he took me to the Court and I have never been panisehed. I had a loywer and he too. So, everything went back to him. The same day after Court, I moved to the Hotel and stayed there 2 weekes. After That I moved to another town. I rented s a room and had 5 jobes. I had no time to think sbout Enything else but my Children and I. After 5 months, I found an appartment, very beautiful, I was the first one to live here. Im living here until todsy. This was 2 years ago. Today, I have a Boyfriend who is yanger than me. My first Child has moved to Stocholm and he is a Police Officer there. Im happier than ever now. God Bless everyone.

[@airindiana]

I don’t understand the reasoning of the people who get salty and say its manipulation. Let’s point to the floored logic elephant in the room -->it’s not like a dumpee has any other choice anyway! What is the alternative, petering chit chat delaying healing? As Chris explains rather well in this video that quote (a certain lady Canadian “love guru” also peddles the same against NC) does not relate to the situation of a break up, why? Because there is NO relationship, by definition it is the destruction of a relationship. Whether speaking or not damages relationships is largely moot in the midst of a decision that has ended one. All that’s left is an awkward no man’s land limbo of no one knowing how to communicate (as there is no relationship) whilst the throws of pain are being felt. No contact in essence was decided way back by the dumper when they made their choice. It’s rolled into a package of consequences that come with their decision. Every choice in life comes with natural consequences. If you destroy your rele it infers you two will cease contact. Why? Well the laws of science, psychology and ethics, people Need to heal. So whether a dumpee has hope invested whilst being in no contact is largely irrelevant and absolutely why no contact itself is not manipulation. Is that hope misplaced? Who knows, wish I did. Manipulating would be the dumpee taking an action that is NOT normal following a breakup, such as feigning illness or threatening to self harm.

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Thanks for your input. Very insightful. This whole post breakup landscape can get rather complex and so too can how and when and why one should implement NC

[@alexzygarewicz1625]

My ex last message she literally said I know your ignoring me. On Monday 10$ says she messages again ima give it still Monday who knows

[@hope9672]

In the past when there's been a break up I just move on never contact the guy again & he always comes back months later (once 9 months later) & I didn't have to contact or text them they either contacted me or just showed up at my place. If there's real feelings just letting go completely is all it takes. This was before I even knew about the no contact rule. It was just an instinct.

[@SuperVincegg]

My ex reached out during the no contact rule. We talked and text and had laughs but then she stated shes not sure if she wants to get back with me. So I then told her not contact me anymore unless she would want to work things out. Was that a wrong move on my part?

[@kimsikorski5691]

Hello, your a guy that seems to have his head where it is supposed to be. I to am having trouble getting my ex back. Things ended not so good, he took his ex wife back over me. But I knew it wouldn't work between them. I did try to contact him by calling and texting and he would never reply back. I knew that he always read my messages . because his mom told me that he said that he always would read the but he won't reply back. I have no clue why he would do that though. But it took him aprox 3 1/2 yrs for him to finally text me after he had gotten off of work around midnight. I wasn't going to answer but I waited yrs for him to contact me. We texted back and forth for a while then talked on the phone then a few weeks later he ended up at Mt apartment and things happened. Never seen him again after that but talked on the phone. Then I found out something that really hurt my feelings and I let him have it in a text that told the truth about how I believe him to be a lot of no good things that I had kept locked up because I didn't want to hurt him but this made me see him for who he truly is. There was no more contact until one night on the dating site we are both on and he asked if he could be serious about something, I said yes what is it? He told me how he was still so mad at me because I got on his phone and called someone on it. I told him that he knew why I did that and that my reason was a good one and that we both said we would leave it in the past but he was never able to. I told him that happened over 4 yrs ago and I could see you being mad at the time but not over 4 yrs later. He said that we would still be together if that didn't happen, he said he loved being with me and I asume he was talking sexual. But I asked him why does it still make him so mad still and he said because he truly cared.... And he got off the dating site and I haven't really heard from.him since. I did ask him of we could talk about things and he ignored me , I even asked if he would want to come over and have some fun and at first he was all for it but the next morning he told me he was going to have to cancel because he was feeling guilty just thinking about it. He said he didn't know if it was because he was just really scared or if he was starting to get a conscious. But either way he said he was sorry and apologized and said he was thinking with the wrong head the night prior... I.tried to talk to him since and he won't talk. After reading all of that I have wrote, what do you think he is doing? Why did he want to be with be so bad and even said that me and my you knkw what belonged to him and he said he knew I wouldn't have been with anyone else and is why he came back. I don't get him. I.just need help to understand. And being you are a man I was hoping you could maybe help me understand him or maybe just men in general. Thank you and I hope i.hear from you soon.. Kim.

[@lalisasmr]

What did she say when you told her that? I think it's good to let your ex know you aren't interested in talking unless she is open to the idea of getting back together.

[@lalisasmr]

@@kimsikorski5691 I'm not a man but it sounds like he is playing games. How many years do you plan to wait around for things to work out? If someone wants to be with you it won't take 4 years to figure that out. You should consider moving on and stop being so available to him. He will just come around whenever he feels like it and then leave again.

[@SuperVincegg]

@@lalisasmr she didn't respond.

[@SuperVincegg]

@@kimsikorski5691 that's to many years to be waiting for anyone. Move on they're many more men out there. First be happy with yourself then when ready God will place another man in your path. Dont settle for anything less than what you deserve..I which you the best of luck..

[@imbonnie]

Regarding light switches -- id just get HomeKit switches then say "Siri turn the lights off."

[@chrisseitercoaching]

haha good input. :)

[@selene4795]

So I did NC after we broke up and sure he warmed up. But he made it clear still that he doesn't want me. And I feel like I've been way too much chasing again. He hasn't initiated much at all. So I made the decision to start NC again (a month). Now last NC I did he didn't text me at all during that month. So I was wondering if blocking is harmful at this point? I really want to block him so I can do NC with the thought I NEED to get over him and then see what to do.

[@aidenglas8440]

Your coaching says to ignore the ex, while at least two others are saying not to ignore them/not ignore them too many times. But you’re both experts. Who is telling the truth?

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Aiden, so all coaches work differently. I cant speak for other coaches, but I have proof that my program has worked with thousands of people successfully getting their exes back and having happy long term relationships once back together.

[@jalessafoster1142]

Chris I've commented on your videos a few times now. I've joined the ex recovery programme. I even reached out to get a coach, my session is next week. I was doing the whole NC thing. But my ex reached out to pick up his things. Fine he came yday, we had a hug for too long and too tight. He came again today, i wasn't expecting to see him as I thought he would have had that stuff out while I was working. He's told me now that he wants to be friends because as he's moving the country in March, long distance would be too emotionally taxing on him, we've done LD before btw and what it would take for me to move with him, he can't do right now (probably marriage) even though it seems like he still loves me, he just wants us to be friends. Can I combat this, should I just give up on the NC and leave him be? Is there any hope? I took the quiz, it said I had above average but these new developments, I just don't know anymore.

[@Naji_Naughty_Pantry_Eggs]

What happens if your ex is following the same program and you both are just ignoring each other lol!

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Then eventually you'll both reach the texting phase once you have completed the No Contact period

[@feanorlawless3891]

what if I dumped him because he was taking me for granted and mistreated me? He asked me out by mail but I don't know what to answer ! (I want him back and aware)

[@melissascheerer4604]

Been broken up since August. No contact from either side since then. He has a new gf. I blocked him on Facebook so I wasn’t looking at his profile. Is there a reason he a hasn’t reached out at all. Oh we were long distance by the way.

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Melissa! So that is a very long tie for No Contact. Its unclear if this girlfriend is a rebound or something serious. My Program calls for you to reach out at the end of No Contact using a certain method....beginning with certain types of texts.....slowly building to other things. Visit my website and I have lots of resources for you to tap into!

[@ryanbeemer6263]

My ex says she loves me, want to be with me, marry me and misses me. She contacted me saying she made a sandwich I made her b4. Said made it just like me, which she called me her pet/nickname. I said what made you wanna make it? She goes kebuz I miss you. So I said good when you come home can make for me. Everything was going good, but I asked her where we stand? She didn't answer and avoided the question. I asked again... Then started to get rude and nasty with me again. I said if gonna be like this I just won't talk to you until can tell me and stop being like that. Did I do the right thing? Or what should I do?

[@lalisasmr]

The Zeigarnik Effect applies more to me than my ex. He just stopped talking to me so I had no choice but to stop talking back. How does this all work when the dumper seemingly goes into NC before the dumpee?

[@emanuel_soundtrack]

its the old paradox: stop ignoring me for you know im ignoring you too 🙏🏻

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Great question, the overall purpose of no contact is to find yourself again. People get lost in relationships and become co-dependent on their partner. During no contact you will fall in love with yourself again so there are two agendas with no contact, one being to make your ex miss you but the more important aspect of it is learning to love yourself again. This independence makes you incredibly attractive in his eyes as well as others. If your ex doesn't notice your doing no contact, don't worry to much about that but focus on doing things you love. Post on social media and show your ex that your loving life.

[@johnnyb4181]

What if they've blocked you everywhere and won't respond to your messages or anything else does no contact still work?

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Johnny, yes but you will be forced to complete a No Contact until you are unblocked but even then you need to consider moving on with out moving on.

[@lunahernandez4985]

What if your ex has narcissistic traits.. will this still work ?

[@beckywitgudhair4398]

Can you do a video on reasons an ex would keep your pics up, tagged pics, and keep nicknames on messanger, he still has me as the queen but is back n forth kinda

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hey Selena! That's a great idea. You know a lot of guys just can't help but to stalk you and you pics are like magnets because the way their psyche and visual cortex is wired, the picture of you, particularly if you are looking a bit different or wearing something new or in a place that is unknown....these things will register. Remember, men are hunters deep down inside and pics of you are their bait.

[@kelso1286]

What if the ex doesnt see it as an uncompleted task. Maybe as they broke up with u, to them, its seen as a completed task, done and dusted, and that it's normal to not be talking now. While u are hanging on, thinking about NC, and all this other stuff??

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Kelso! Sometimes that is exactly how they see it, until they don't. You see, really getting in touch with your feelings and needs are not always easily accomplished. Remember NC is also very much about you and your recovery and doing things to increase your personal growth.

[@TheMoka4]

Well I'm blocked on everything told to let her go after 7 years together lol

[@ehimenjoy5972]

H

[@ehimenjoy5972]

[phone] Te recomiendo a este poderoso lanzador de hechizos de amor que me ayuda a atraer a mi ex pareja de regreso después de la separación.

[@RyoDamX]

After one month of NC I reached out muy exgf via text message, message was not about our relationship but she blocked me, she was the one that dumped me, so... what now?

[@lalisasmr]

Nothing you can do. Just go back into NC and hope she reaches out.

[@RyoDamX]

Well, shit... But thanks for the advice :)

[@lalisasmr]

@@RyoDamX lol I know that probably sounded super disappointing. The thing is, once someone has blocked you, your hands are pretty much tied. My ex did this to me for a few days and then unblocked me. I know this channel teaches a 30 day NC rule with a reach out at the end, but some exes aren't ready to talk after 30 days. If she unblocks you, just continue to do NC. She is clearly asking for space, so give it to her, and hopefully she will begin to miss you enough to reach out.

[@RyoDamX]

Hopefully, thanks again :)

[@gothamcity007]

@@RyoDamX I know your post is old .. any update on your ex?

[@milagrosrodriguez4136]

But he was the one who left me n ignored me at first I text n called but he ignored it so I never reached out again been 8 months no contact but I don't think he feels ignored since he ignored me first

[@elizabethjohnson8125]

8 months is a long time not to hear from an ex.....maybe time to move on

[@MrTheomighty1]

Chris... given your wife knows your system how would that help you if she knows how you would be if it was you to had problems ?? What would suggest me to do given my ex gf broke up with me due to a needy mother before she was diagnosed with leukaemia ??

[@Handleisnotavailable1]

Mine definitely don’t 🥴🥴 He keeps contacting me lol and we haven’t hit the 30 day mark yet lol

[@darlingpenate9694]

no contact rule work if I want a relationship with a fwb?

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Yes! But you have to be sure that you do NOT sleep with them until they are in a relationship with you

[@darlingpenate9694]

Thank you!!

[@TheBlinkAirwaves]

Chris what should I do? I was in no contact for 10 weeks. She messaged me and called me after that period and told me to not hesitate to call her. 5 days later she messaged me again but I saw that she is still communicating with her rebound which hurt me. She continued to message me the next day but then stopped and left for another state for about 3 weeks now. It has been 15 days since we last talked and I never initiated any conversation. Just responded. I wonder if I should message her now since she reached out three times and could be waiting for me to reach out? I don’t want to screw anything up and I fear not talking to her after she reached out is bad and I fear reaching out will be bad because I don’t want to appear weak.

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi there, so no it is not bad that you did not respond to her during your NC period, that is the point of it some time apart. Now if you have done a solid 30 days without talking to her then you can start the texting phase and restart building your attraction. Getting her investing her time in talking to you

[@robinmiller5204]

I haven't talk to my ex for two weeks today. I'm going crazy because when he was here, he talked a lot to other women on social media. Now that I have stopped all contact, it seems that he isn't talking to women very much. I also watched tarot card readings and they keep saying how much he misses me. However he hasn't contacted me. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Robin...it is not usual not to hear from an ex during the NC period. What matters is if you have a sensible ex recovery strategy and if you are up to speed on this whole process.

[@joebelinda3443]

If u really want God to restore ur relationship with ur ex. I know of a very powerful man of God in African that can help u out if u really want

[@molliemk3477]

I cant read the dark color boxes in ur diagram,

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Molly...sorry you are having problems with the readability. I will work on that.

[@nicolaking5057]

My ex and I broke up 8 months ago. We've been amazing for the last 7 months as we had no contact break first month. I feel like he's slipping away again so will this help me at this stage?

[@chrisseitercoaching]

Hi Nicola, I would suggest that you check out my video about push/pull technique to help you draw him in

[@nicolaking5057]

@@chrisseitercoaching absolutely amazing thank you so much, I will definitely watch that. We are great face to face but I'm struggling when not with him to get him to communicate with me. I feel like we aren't connecting when we are apart.

[@pizmomartinez3876]

What if i was already neglecting during relationship? How would more ignoring help?

[@sshuteandrew]

Isn’t going NC just a temporary fix bc once you’re out of no contact the effects of your ex being curious or feeling cut off from you be removed? Won’t you be back to square one again once NC is over? Seems it would have to be done again and again...which is the opposite of reconciliation and open communication.

[@thelegionary07]

It all sounds so counter intuitive, which is why for my sanity, I'm taking a long hiatus from "ex back" vids. It's beyond clear to me that 99% of the commenters on "ex back" vids are anxious personalities. The avoidants never do any real work to change. We're stuck trying to get crumbs from them, while they continue being annoying. I'll return if she comes back (which I doubt), but I need a long break from this shit. Good luck.

[@sshuteandrew]

thelegionary07 yes, I often think I should stop watching any of these videos because it keeps all of this active in the front of my brain. Which is the last thing we all need. I think no contact make sense at first, but once the emotions have cooled off and drama has died down, it doesn’t really make any sense, because if you’re not talking or seeing each other then you’re not going to get back together. There’s no formula or rule- people do what they want and are driven by their feelings, fears and desires. I just want to cut loose also and allow him to come to me. It just will be easier that way. Good luck to you too!!!!

[@thelegionary07]

@@sshuteandrew Exactly.. I think in October I may break NC because we only dated 4 months.. It was a hot and heavy 4 months, but still.. By October it will be 9 months since the break up, and 7 months of NC.. I have nothing to lose at that point.. I'll send out the text message example you gave me.. If she responds, great.. If not, I'm in the same situation I was before breaking NC. Thanks!

[@sshuteandrew]

thelegionary07 After 7 mos NC, I agree. Nothing to lose. Throw the text to the wind and don’t let her response or lack affect you. Fill your life and live. We all deserve to move forward. It’s liberating and refreshing to be with someone who reciprocates. A guy at the gym talked to me yesterday whose smile could melt a rock...no matter what they do, you and I move forward and thrive. Be well!!! 👍🎉🙂

[@Ale-tb8nz]

Stacey Swope i feel the same way then how are we suppose to work it out before it doesnt feel the same anymore i say a few days just to cool down i did 2 weeks and we started to talk again but it just didnt feel the same anymore so we broke it of again he said that since i didnt contact him he assumed i was really done for good since we dated for only 5 months i wish i wouldnt have gone that long things wouldve been the same...