WIFE VS MOTHER IN-LAW - PICK A SIDE! - EP 21 || BITTER TRUTH SHOW

#WIFE #MOTHERINLAW #MARRIAGE
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Timestamps
00:00 Coming up next
02:05 Intro
03:00 In-law's expectations of the wife
07:01 Responsibility of man in this situation
07:37 Consequences of complaining to your mum or wife
08:37 How do Asian couples live with their in-laws?
09:56 Respect and understanding for mum
12:03 Evil mums and mummy's boys
12:48 Mum's past trauma
15:01 Generational trauma
16:29 Absence of father in a family
18:47 Ignoring wife for mum
25:30 Mum's Gossip
26:13 Creating healthy boundaries for mum
28:16 Discrimination in Bengali Culture
29:14 Will sisters live with sick in-laws?
30:56 How should mothers raise their sons, coz that mother will also get old one day?
34:40 Single fathers are better at than single mothers
40:28 Understanding Your Child
46:49 The TOO MUCH DISCIPLINE
54:43 Sins affect marraige
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[@AliDawah]

DONATE NOW: www.saveiman.com/fb? ⬅ The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever builds a Mosque for Allah, Allah will build for him a similar house in Jannah.” If you support this project, you will in sha Allah get a house in Jannah and share in the rewards of all the people: ✅ Praying in the Masjid! ✅ Making Dhikr! ✅ Memorizing the Qur’an! Please donate and help establish this Masjid and earn your reward: www.saveiman.com/fb?

[@yeemenyh]

يَا أَيُّهَا الْعَزِيزُ مَسَّنَا وَأَهْلَنَا الضُّرُّ وَجِئْنَا بِبِضَاعَةٍ مُزْجَاةٍ فَأَوْفِ لَنَا الْكَيْلَ وَتَصَدَّقْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَجْزِي الْمُتَصَدِّقِينَ} مناشدة 💔 انَيَ انَتٌْخيَكِ انَيَ دٌِخلُةِ ْعلُى الُلُُه تْمٌ ْعلُيَكِ انَيَ فَيَ وَجُْهك انَيَ اختْكِ انَيَ اتْرَجّاكِ اتْوَسِلُ الُيَكِ انَقًـذَنَا لُوَجُْه الُلُُه. يَشِهدِ الُلُه يَاٌخيَ انَ مٌنَ الُصّبّاحُ حُتْا الُانَ يَحُرَمٌ ْعلُيَـنَا الاكل غير الماء رسالتي ندائي إلى كل مسلم ☪️☪️☪️ يِآ نآس يِآآمٌـٍة ﷴ ﷺ صِآرتٍ قلّوبگٍمٌ بلّآ رحًمٌهً ولّآشفُقهً ولّآ آنسآنيِهً گٍمٌ شگٍيِتٍ وگٍمٌ بگٍيِتٍ گٍمٌ نآديِتٍ وگٍمٌ نآشدتٍ ولّگٍن لّآ حًيِآٍة لّمٌن تٍنآديِ هًلّ يِرضيِگٍمٌ آن آخوآنيِ يِبگٍون ويِمٌوتٍون مٌن آلّجُوع وآنتٍمٌ مٌوجُودون يِعلّمٌ آلّلّهً آلّعلّيِ آلّعظَيِمٌ آننآ لّآ نمٌلّگٍ حًتٍى قيِمٌـٍة گٍيِلّو دقيِق آبيِ مٌتٍوفُيِ ﻭﺃﺧﻮﺍﻧﻲ ﺻﻐﺎﺭ ﻟﻴﺲ ﻟﻨﺎ ﺃﺣﺪ ﺃﻗﺴﻢ ﺑﺎﻟﻠﻪ ﺍﻟﻌﻈﻴﻢ ﺃﻧﻬﻢ ﻧﺎﻣﻮﺍ ﺃﻣﺲ ﺟﻮﻋﺎﻧﻴﻦ ﻭﻫﻢ ﻳﺒﻜﻮﻥ من الالم والولايات ﻳﺎﺃﻫﻞ ﺍﻟﺨﻴﺮ ﻫﻞ ﻳﺮﺿﻴﻜﻢ ﺃﻧﻨﺎ ﻣﻦ ﺃﻣﺲ ﻟﺤﺪ ﺍﻵﻥ ﺑﺪﻭﻥ ﺃﻛﻞ ﻳﺎﺃﺧﻮﺓ الأسلام يافاعلين الخير انا اقسم بالله على كتاب الله اني لااكذب عليك ولا انصب ولا احتال اني بنت يمنيه نازحين انا واسرتي بيتنا ايجار الشهر ب20 الف يمني والان علينا 60 الف حق3 شهور وصاحب البيت من الناس الي ماترحم والله يا اخي انه يجي كل يوم يبهدلنا ويتكلم علينا ويريد يطردنا من البيت للشارع لانناماقدرناندفعله الأجار وما يروح الئ بعدما نبكي ورجعوتكلمو الجيران ومهلنالاخره الأسبوع واذا دفعنا له حلف يمين بالله بيخرجنا إلى الشارع بدون رحمه واحنا.مشردين من بلادنا بسبب هذا الحرب ولانجد قوت يومنا وعايشين اناوامي واخوتي سغار والدنا متوفي الله يرحمه ومامعنا أحد في هذا الدنيا يقف جاانبنا في هذه الظروف القاسيه انا بنت لااستطيع ان اشتغل والله مانجد لقمت عیش والان لوما احدنا ساعدنا اقسم بالله انموت من الجوع فيا اخي انا دخيله على الله ثم عليك واريد منك المساعده لوجه الله انابنت عيني بصيره ويدي قصيره ليس لي أب مثلك واخواتي سغار أنقذنا وساعدونا قبل أن يطردونا في الشارع تتبهدل أو نموت من الجوع ﻳﺎﺃﻫﻞ ﺍﻟﺨﻴﺮ ﺍﻟﻲ ﻋﻨﺪﻩ ﺍﻟﻘﺪﺭﻩ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻣﺴﺎﻋﺪﺗﻨﺎ لايتاخر علينا لحظه ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' هاذا رقمي 00967716649494 واتساب 📞 ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' الذي يقدر يساعدنا يراسلني على الواتساب ارسل له ألاسم الكامل في بطاقة الهويه والعنوان يحولنا بقدر ما يستطيع الله يجزيكم خير الجزاء والاحسان والعطاء يارب العالمين انا بنت مسلمة من اليمن..

[@SultanHamid-]

What are you doing with these videos bro. You're imitating the Kuffar by running this Great Value version of Fresh and Fit.

[@SultanHamid-]

Fear Allah and stop making these videos where the genders mix without any fear of Allah.

[@alphauno6614]

Brother Ali you had a discussion without one of the key stakeholders in this issue: the MOTHER-IN-LAW herself! Imagine having a discussion between a married man and her mother complaining non-stop about his wife and NOT ONCE do you get the wife's perspective on the issue: will that discussion be fruitful? Akhi, please forgive me if I've misspoken but this entire panel is next to useless without getting a full picture of the issue. Imagine only talking to kids about the difficulties with their parents without ever involving the parents??? Habib, what are you doing?

[@Imranpeer]

Getting unmarried people to speak about this topic is like getting a med school student to carry out heart surgery. Makes no sense

[@rb1948]

They should get mother-in-laws and father-in-laws to speak in this topic

[@mags7054]

To an extent, I mostly agree with you. How many of them have had children for like 15 or 20 years. There is some truth to what they say, but they seem to be ignoring the fact that Allah has also made it a responsibility of men to take care of the parents. They seem to lack empathy and understanding.

[@khaleelzaman6927]

Spot on, poor choice of panel for this subject

[@beachbumb71688]

This whole show Is low quality.

[@Imranpeer]

It just seems like Gen Z venting about wanting the cake and eating it too.

[@andripratama1225]

For the daughter-in-law, just remember you will be a mother-in-law in the future. Mutual understanding of each other position is important.

[@zarahhabibi3401]

And for the mother inlaw don’t forget you were a daughter-in-law don’t forget how you felt when you were mistreated by you mother in law . Try to have a mutual understanding.

[@hms267]

Being a mother in law isn't bad. It's living with the mother in law that creates problems. That's mostly for women as I never heard that a man lived with his mother in law.

[@uzmaahmed.catmoon]

​@@zarahhabibi3401yes exactly!

[@chelseafanatic2753]

@@hms267I don’t know what you are talking about I know about plenty of men that live with their mother in law. Especially westernized men.

[@noreenbi9079]

​@@zarahhabibi3401 That's the problem they never do and the evil cycle carries on

[@manala825]

Being married for 16 years, one advice I can say is you can’t have two woman in the kitchen. Never tell the parents what happens between you unless it’s something major and always respect each others parents no matter what but to live together is never a good idea unless there is no other choice

[@mags7054]

"never a good idea". There is so much blessing in it you are just ignoring or are not even trying to see. When one thinks of this life, then yes, ideally it is better to have your own house. But there is more than just this life.

[@ladyelegance5737]

@@mags7054Facts, my son been married 7 months and his wife has moved with us. We love all together. It has been some issue’s that are normal for learning someone new, but it’s really a true blessing helping them grow together and just watching young 💗 grow.

[@piqueny8872]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder This why our beloved prophet was advocated separate homes for married couples

[@chinny_reckon]

Yes! A woman likes being advised in the kitchen about as much as a man enjoys being advised while driving! We're not proud to take advice as Muslims but we're only human and every day like that would test anyone!

[@purplelove3666]

Women don't belong in the kitchen ,the kitchen is for both men and women, I don't hear people say that women don't belong in the workforce .let's use our brains

[@jayahmed6330]

Womans nwadays say every boy is a mummys boy but when they get married they always wana go to there parents every other day😂😂 double standards

[@ilyasthebest786]

As a married man i was looking for this comment 😅

[@yasminkhan6554]

Well the daughters are the real sons for them nowadays and not to forget it’s the daughters duty to look after her parents and not your double standard wife’s….😮

[@AbbasiKurdi]

My grandfather who had two wifes and 12 children was living with his mother until she died. He cared for her and there were no problems in the household between the wifes and the mother.

[@SultanOxford]

My life's lessons, which I hope someone will benefit from. 3 points 1) Those Sisters who have an issue with their mothers-in-law, need to understand that 1 day they too will become mothers-in-laws themselves, and will only then realize why a mother-in-law appears to be so 'controlling' and 'interfering', when in reality she has the best interest in mind for her and her son. How you treat your mother-in-law (or not) is how you will be treated in the future by your own daughter-in-law. So bear that in mind. 2) It takes a special kind of a person to become a good mother-in-law, and overlook the faults of the daughter-in-law. Likewise, it takes a special kind of a person to become a decent daughter-in-law, and overlook the faults of the mother-in-law. Problems arise when either or both want to be controlling. And we live in an age when a daughter-in-law is pre-conditioned to be aware of her mother-in-law, so resentment is already set-in, even when the mother-in-law hasn't done anything. 3) The son/husband is caught in the middle. Neither he can let go of his mother, or let go of his wife. He must try and take a balanced view which is difficult and 1 party will always be upset. NEVER, EVER, forsake your mother and stop speaking to her or stop visiting her, if your mother and wife have an issue. Thats the worst you can do. Especially as she gave all her time to raise you. If someone is wrong, say so, irrespective of whether it is the mother or the wife. However, when they are both emotionally charged, it is very, very difficult to reason with them but you must try and not take sides. The mothers and wife's should understand that their petty or serious arguments have an emotional strain on their sons/husbands. At least have pity on him as he is caught in the middle and can do without this, as he needs to go out and work, etc

[@soubermed2175]

Honestly, if both of them are emotionally charged and they dont want to backdowm. I would just pick up and take the wrong party and isolate the situation. If it's my wife, i will pick her up and walk around till she understands. Otherwise, i won't put her down 😂. Where she went wrong and apologized 😅

[@AZK91]

May Allah reward you

[@abdullahassaffah]

​@@soubermed2175 any relationship is like this my cousin when his father and uncle meaning his dad's brother argue with each other he literally runs out of the house because if he stays in the middle and says something it will only make matters worse and it will never solve anything both of them will always remain the same second if he speaks justice for either one of them they will accused him of taking sides and make matters worse so these are hard situation which is always tough to deal with we saw what prophet salallahualayuwasallam had to Do when his wives would jealous of one another he had to deal with this differently every time

[@shadmani9687]

​@@soubermed2175 Women are emotionally charged. I dont understand why people comment as if there is a large possibility of women throwing emotional tantrums. Men today dont understand women, they dont understand that the wife is the oldest child in the family.

[@maryam_wael_alharbawi]

I feel like a big takeaway from this is respect. Respect and understanding for each relationship dynamic. Really informative.

[@fawzanhassan5783]

I havé been watching Ali Dawah for sometime and only today I knew that he is a revert to Islam. Masha Allah! Thé fact that he is dedicated to spreading the message of Islam is remarkable. May Allah reward him more and more An exemplary character

[@Mo2002_6]

May Allah protect our brothers and sisters in Palestine 🇵🇸🤲🏾

[@faizanbains1499]

Aameen

[@thebesttruth4659]

May Allah protect innocent Muslim Brothers Sisters😔 all innocent family in Pakistan Pakistan stop kidnapped and killed innocent family😔

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

Aameen

[@wumaowumao]

Palestine is Dajjal, wallahi we are misguided.

[@Moonlight-777]

Ameen🤲🏻

[@enmei__________]

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:- Allah has 99 names, whoever memorizes by heart them will enter Paradise. Sahih al-Bukhari 7392

[@Young_z_dawah]

Exactly brother

[@user-se8so5hb9g]

You should have had married speakers, no point having a non married panel, talking about and guessing what a mother inlaw and daughter inlaw relationship is all about.

[@dee_1989]

Exactly, get people that have experienced what the topic is about.

[@ik5441]

Exactly what i said. Yes younger panel members can be mature. But more often then not they lack wisdom and life experiences. How can a bunch of youngens teach anything to the young. Marriage is about understanding and compromise. Having rahma... life isnt always ideal. Your husband or wife can be hit with a calamity a health issue, would you ditch them? His or her parents might become too old, bed ridden, disabled.... does he or she not have a duty to serve his parents? If you agree yes, whay help and understanding does the spouse offer? That somali sister speaks of wanting her own home but not minding helping out daily and seeing her inlaws. Would love to see how she deals with the day when she has kids. Would love to see how she reacts when house chores become too much for her and when she expects her husband to come home from work, give her time help her a bit and also go visit his disabled elderly parents, give them food, help them to the washroom, give them meds, come back to "her own home" his home, spend time with kids and repeat. Maybe a machine would better serve as her husband. 0 rahma, 0 hikmah.... 0 understanding of life. The typical woman of today. Me me me me me.

[@rb1948]

They are not talking from experience

[@mags7054]

​@@ik5441 unfortunately, what you say seems to be very true. A huge lack of empathy and understanding. They forget or even know, Allah has made it a responsibility for men to take care of their parents.

[@piqueny8872]

Taking care of parents doesn’t mean living with them forever even after marriage As an married adult you also need space privacy this is why our beloved prophet told married couples need there own separate homes

[@farhiyaismail9306]

There are toxic mother in laws and also toxic daughter in laws, why is this even a conversation?

[@beachbumb71688]

Without watching video-you don’t have to pick a side. You just have to be a man and lead your family. The issue is most Muslim youth getting married don’t act like men. So of course these issues will occur.

[@mikaaa8854]

Brother Ali is on point at the end with the final speach. Jzk

[@nesthetique]

It’s not even just mothers in law, also siblings can have a huge impact influence. There are no boundaries often .. I think it’s really about how husband and wife keep their families in check

[@Soumeya123]

Is the UK running out of older people? Like this topic required experience and wisdom

[@ik5441]

Not just older people it seems but people in general. He keeps bringing back some of the same panelists.

[@mnljh711986]

What I've been noticing lately is that it's the mother-in-law being abused. The son bullies his mother to take care of the children and cooking, but the daughter-in-law doesn't contribute with family events, they expect the mother in law to help their wife but the wife has nothing to do with anyone.

[@rb1948]

very true

[@AZK91]

These are the elephants in the room that people who have so much to say on those topics like in these shows forget to address

[@pantabhaaat]

So true!

[@purplespark8]

This is the fault of our parents and for modern sheikhs. Our parents themselves lived good lives, with proper roles. But for their children (daughters), they say they want to make them study and get 'success' in life and don't teach them how to be a wife/mother. The shiekhs also seem to have gone too much on one side, where there are endless talks on wives' rights, but nothing on their responsibilities

[@mnljh711986]

@@purplespark8 Exactly, education is good but when it starts to take precedence above your family it becomes toxic ambition, their energies are shifted from rearing well rounded children who have their foundations rooted in the 'Deen,' to just focusing on their careers, the "westernization" of Islamic values has been counterproductive to family and the structuring therein, this is why stay at home Moms are imperative to keeping the Islamic society strong, because when you start blurring the lines of gender, it becomes a detriment to the nuclear family and collectively to society at large, and this is one of the reasons why mother in laws these days aren't taken into consideration, they become the primary caregivers to their grandchildren while their daughter in law's are preoccupied with superficiality.

[@KTC678]

People commenting bring married couples to talk about their experiences: how can someone come on a public platform and talk about private affairs with their mother-in-laws?

[@Eziopct]

Good point

[@azfargaming9770]

It's more beneficial than listening to wants and fairy tales at least

[@samwilson4597]

they can provide general examples based on experience. u want people who nvr went through marriage to give advice on that topic. your comment is funny

[@KTC678]

@@samwilson4597 how can they give general examples based on their own experiences without publicly letting people know of their situations with their in laws? It is better to refrain from that. You people don’t think lol.

[@mysticranger6894]

Shouldnt we get married people to discuss this? lol come on ali

[@rb1948]

All relationships new and old need to give space and learn to share

[@faizanbains1499]

Love your videos Ali❤

[@hero4963]

Fantastic episode

[@Ellarose_05]

Personally I wouldnt live with my in laws. I respect the practice but I wouldn't do it myself.

[@noreenbi9079]

Best way

[@piqueny8872]

It’s creepy tryin to be intimate with the spouse knowing the in-laws are all around the house prob listening too

[@noreenbi9079]

@@piqueny8872 Exactly

[@user-zs2dv2sj7c]

Why is this whole conversation had with the pressure being on 'the man is responsible for ensuring his mum and his wife get on well.' Men already harbour so much pressures in society - the whole conversation needs to be geared towards how two grown women should make sure they get on well and respect each other. Yes, the man has a role in ensuring he chooses a respectful woman to be his wife (he cannot choose his mum) but ultimately the mother and law and the daughter in law getting on is down to two adult women behaving themselves and has nothing to do with the man in the middle.

[@aa-fw2pw]

I wouldn't say it has nothing to do with him. I know of a woman whose mother in law spoke to her son so badly about her daughter in lawbehind her back, to the extent that the son became unhappy with his wife and divorced her. And they have 4 children together as well. A family ripped apart. And yes, the mother in law shouldn't have said such things, but when she spoke of it to her son, he should have stopped her too. If the conflict lands in front of him, he can't exactly ignore it now, can he?

[@amparo1298]

It’s his problem if his mom can’t respect her not her problem he needs to talk to his mom

[@user-zs2dv2sj7c]

@@aa-fw2pw You're missing the point entirely. How is it the son's fault that the mother in law spoke badly about her daughter in law in the first place? Yes, once it happened he should have investigated and tried to see what is happening but that doesn't take away from the fact that the mother spoke badly in the first place due to no fault of the son in this. Women need to take responsibility for their actions and being driven by emotion/jealously or whatever it is that comes in the dynamic when they start feeling some level of resentment towards another woman which is what happens in these situations. Lets not blame the sons who are often caught up in the middle and I guarantee not one man on earth would want conflict between his mum and wife, two very important women in his life.

[@lovefifi1317]

@@user-zs2dv2sj7c its his responsibility to set boundaries with his mother, she felt comfortable enough to continue speaking about his wife that's on him same with the wife if she talks bad about the mother with no evidence. Man or woman need to set boundaries with people from the beginning so the other person knows not to come to you with nonsense

[@Eziopct]

@@user-zs2dv2sj7cdon’t waste your time explaining yourself. They won’t change their mind. It’s the mans fault even if the mother decideds to shoot the daughter in law.

[@shabzahmedshabzahmed1046]

Nevr had this issue alhamd. but at the end of the day it is the RIGHT of the wife to have her own house(dwelling ), if the man cant provide that MOVE ON!!!!

[@ik5441]

If we only looked at things in terms of RIGHTS, you'd find yourself in trouble, thats assuming you arent going to pick and chose which part of islam you are going to follow. It is the RIGHT of the husband to chose who he allows into the house he has provided you with. It is the RIGHT of the husband if he allows his wife to go somewhere outside the house. If any party started abusing the "rights" given by Allah they might win in this world but will be held accountable in the hereafter.

[@Joker-fz5bt]

​@@ik5441 the Wife deserves her own house. Just make sure your Mother and Father live nearby so you can visit them daily. It's really that simple

[@BosnjoBosnjak-ug6ry]

Be patient brothers

[@umarr6221]

gosh, aliiii why did u get a bunch of single ppl talking about marriage dynamics? 🤦‍♂️ it's like getting school children to give a lecture in the university - makes no sense 🎉

[@abid4597]

Islamically, your wife is more important your mother? Where on earth did he get this from?

[@ku8458]

That comment was absolute cringe, May Allah guide him to correct Islamic knowledge.

[@aa-fw2pw]

I gave a speech about this at a ladies' program. Here are 5 pieces of advice to adhere to (can be applied whether you are a mother in law or daughter in law): 1. Be aware that Allah is watching every time you interact with your mother in law or daughter in law and you will be asked on Judgement day how you treated each other 2. Be forgiving, caring and considerate towards each other as you would be towards your own mother or daughter 3. Have low expectations of each other and high expectations of yourself (such as when it's time for cooking) 4. Any good you do for each other will be rewarded by Allah (maintaining family ties) 5. Avoid oversharing in law details with your own family and friends - unless the situation is unbearable or it's something serious; in that case, consult a knowledgeable person first who has no emotional attachment to you. They will more likely give you an unbiased, fair-minded answer.

[@ayeshapyesha7301]

Brilliant advice mashaallah tabarakallah

[@SKhan-di7gw]

I am single mother I love my son I intend to love my daughter in law I want her to be happy with my son And I intend to give them all the space they require But mutual respect care and boundaries should be made for both sides .. to ensure this is conducive to a healthy happy relationship

[@ashik72295]

Thought my headphones were broken listening to this

[@naza2218]

Never pick a side!!! You will appear biased and will end up hurting one so let them sort it out themselves (they’re adults) Then advise sincerely/politely to each privately to help them reconcile in each situation it’s like a friend’s argument scenario

[@afsanatai7572]

There’s also a lot of sexism and mix of culture, like the way the older generation was raised. That dish story reminded me of the time I cut my finger while cutting chicken, asked my husband if he could finish cutting it up. When his mom literally stopped him from coming into the kitchen and took the chicken , refused him to clean re chicken because she thinks men cannot cut or clean chicken before cooking. Sorry but this was between me and my husband, she stepped her boundaries. Also no one asked her to get involved but she got herself involved. They get upset if their sons touch anything dirty. Expect daughter in law to behave like a housemaid

[@shaheershaikh5027]

hi brother ali can you please also have a deep podcast on engagement and the period between engagement and wedding what are dos and donts

[@AK-ky3ou]

Great episode

[@chelseafanatic2753]

Did they mention who is the most entitled to your companionship? This is from Sahih al-Bukhari. It is your mother. Sometimes I feel the current generation mention the part of Islam that only favors them and leave out what doesn’t or have no knowledge of that. From my experience these days I have seen more mothers and fathers of the woman live with the woman’s husband than the other way around. It should also apply to those parents that their daughter’s husband get privacy too doesn’t it?

[@ik5441]

Well said. I know relatives of mine, female. They demanded to live alone with their husband before marriage, the men accepted this as a condition. One of them is the only son. So hes moved out and alhumdulillah for now his parents arent so old that they need his support. But the funny thing is, this guy allows his mother inlaw to stay over at his house several times (mother inlaw is divorced). What happened to wanting privacy and own space when it came to the girls on mother? To be fair the girl maintains good relations with her inlaws but i just find it strange how women of today are so cold hearted and self absorbed.

[@rb1948]

Well said

[@abuzaffarmohammed9561]

Now you will see the original beauty of these sisters--- Most of this is ungrateful to their Mother in law's, not in an unhealthy sense but even in basic sense doing the least possible for them, they are hesitant!!! Naudhubillah!!!

[@Hanna95000]

I think this convos means a total different thing in the Asian community .

[@imsundeee]

I always pray to Allah that I go to a good family (in-laws) 🙂

[@BobLol-ds9qu]

Does Micheal have his own channel the brother seems very intelligent

[@Quran.Readings]

So now we have a bunch of unmarried kids, do a full podcast and give their analysis/opinion on marriage? 😂

[@mags7054]

There should have been like two married men and women who've been married for like ten years or more and have children to give a perspective based on actual experience.

[@shimmer4771]

@@mags7054 one of the women did have children, though.

[@mags7054]

@@shimmer4771 Okay, I did not know that, especially from the way they were talking.

[@dee_1989]

Please fix the background noise that keeps occuring, it's very off putting. It's been there the last few episodes.

[@AZK91]

In the 28th/29th minute the sisters and brother spoke about it being weird that some guys want their wives to be like their mothers. As long as they had a good loving upbringing from their mothers, is that entirely a bad thing? Like, why wasn't it mentioned about women usually going for men who share common traits and characteristics of their fathers? Is that then, a weird thing?

[@aa-fw2pw]

They are talking about men who expect to be mollycoddled the way their mothers did. And for a wife, this IS strange, because women marry a man, hoping the man will be appropriately independent enough to at least clean up and clear up after himself. Women want to marry a man, not a man-child.

[@AZK91]

​​​@@aa-fw2pw Yes apparently they were, but to many of us our ears pick up undertones. The fact that they spoke with such passion about mummy's boys but hardly much at all about their rights and responsibilities as wives and daughter in laws. Men can see through b.s

[@slovelyyx7718]

It’s not weird at all. It’s actually ingrained in a lot of men to want a wife who is like their mother. Loving, feminine, caring, sensitive, etc. Sorry not sorry. Deep down, men are all babies and need a woman to take care of them in that sense of being a loving caretaker. That doesn’t mean babying him. It means being sensitive to his needs, cooking him a meal and becoming that soft person in his life that he can feel comfortable around and be himself around. If women learned this early on it would solve a lot of the marital disputes and divorce in the Muslim community.

[@aa-fw2pw]

@slovelyyx7718 Yes, men should want a woman who is sensitive, feminine, and caring. It's a good thing, and women should aim for those qualities. But women also want a man who will work hard, provide, protect, lead, and be courageous. And when a man expects his wife to be like his mother, he will hardly take the leadership approach. So many men expect their wives to be the primary caregivers of the children (rightly so) and take care of the household (rightly so) and work full time to provide, and take care of his parents and attend to his every want and need as well. And women are buckling under the pressure!

[@Young_z_dawah]

Honestly the level of discipline in the west is almost zero, wallahi I remember as an African Nigerian, when we were young our parents used to beat us to make sure we listen to thier commands and obey that which is right, and ALHAMDULILLAH now as a grown man we see the barakah of that.

[@Eziopct]

My parents never needed to hit me for me to listen to them, Alhamdulilah

[@Young_z_dawah]

@@Eziopct that's good of you, but a lot of kids out thier don't even respect thier parents

[@Eziopct]

@@Young_z_dawah that’s a perfect opportunity to parent your child. Parent =! voilence

[@WhiteFang111]

Yes west is losing their family dynamica and others in the so called liberalism.

[@umm1894]

Would your parents allow the grandparents to discipline you and siblings?

[@aminkhan1292]

HEARING THESE GIRLS SPEAK IS SO JARRING

[@FunTimeGhz]

Things get easy over time.

[@michp571]

50:09 something practical, I learned about disciplining children is that if a child is old enough to use reason, then reason with them… But if they are too young, to understand reason, then they will also not understand why their parent/loved one is inflicting pain on them. I think that hitting children, especially ones who are too young to understand reason, is one of the most illogical things that you can do, and will end up, harming the relationship, whether temporarily or for life. Intelligent people are not quick to have a heavy hand, instead of being rash, they take a moment to assess the situation and come up with various solutions so they don’t need to use intimidation or threats or hitting.

[@Hanna95000]

Every mother in law I know that treats her daughter in law bad is married. So it's nothing to do with being a 'single mother'.

[@Moonlight-777]

Conclusion: a man should be responsible, wife smart, mother respected. May Allah SWT give us righteous spouse and amazing relationship with parents in law, Ameen🤲🏻

[@IsabellaOrleans]

My husband and I have been married for about a year and we planned on getting a place together this fall inshaAllah. Unfortunately his father passed away a couple of months ago and he’s been providing for his mom and siblings. The issue is that I can tell if I was to move in with them I’d be under my expectations as a wife (cooking+cleaning for my husband and I) but for the whole in house family (6 people not including when grandkids come over which they do often). I’m concerned with how to handle not getting pushed around if we live with his family but also it is his and his 2 older brother’s responsibility to take care of his mom and family and the other brothers aren’t putting in effort to help. I’m nervous about dealing with this burden and I don’t know how to handle it because I want to start a life with my husband but he is taking up the head of house role which will last till all 4 of his sisters are married not including taking care of his mom and young brother. What do I do if anything?

[@hms267]

Brother Ali. The men were unmarried and so were some women. Bring the ones that are actually experienced in all those problems. Especially the ones who love to keep both his wife and mother together in one place. I have seen brothers wanted to live together under one roof. With each of their families having just a bedroom to themselves. Rest all is shared. Also the parents with them. That eventually made their kids hate each other. The women became psychology ill and hated each other. Eventually the kids grew up and thay had to seperate from that " family system". Its a very common story in my country Pakistan. Also in economically stable homes. I myself have lived in that family system where I hated my husband the most because of all the unfairness going on. Long story short in my opinion the family system where no one has privacy or personal life should be discouraged.

[@TheTheletterI]

I am glad the sister tried to bring this up on the reverse effect because I am going almost through the SAME EXACT THING from the Mother-in-law and I am a man. But, I don't want to be rude and put my foot down but her mom's ability to control, influence, and have a say is ridiculous. She's always being intrusive and we had our first fall out and AUTOMATICALLY I was the worst man to walk this earth. She's now calling more I have a daughter and she's always coming over NOT TOO MENTION her mom has anxiety issues and depression and issues with men so she's constantly digging for issues it's CRAZY. She built her life around her children and I feel like I'm smothered by her (wife's mom) because she can't be ALONE. ON TOP OF THAT her mom is married and husband lives is whole other state and she won't follow and she barely goes to see him and the guy is sick. Her exact words were I'm done with him I'm just waiting for him to get better so I can divorce him 🤷🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️ thats probably why the guys daughter doesn't like her because she already milked him dry now she's through with him. I'm ready to leave my wife at this very second and we just had a baby but I can't take it and my wife won't say anything she just let's her be and I don't know how to say anything without hurting this ladies feeling or hurting my wife and her moms dynamic so I literally walk on egg shells around this lady her first husband (wife's dad) left and yeah he was the blame of course now the other guy I feel bad for because he moved and hasn't came back been 5mths and I don't want to do the same with my wife but I'm getting there because her mom is TOO MUCH! So what do I do idk but I genuinely appreciate the sister for attempting to touch on this from the reverse end. We are going to see the imam soon about our issues so InshAllah something changes because I'm out if not honestly.

[@aisha-jt1ug]

brother you need to sit your wife down and have a serious heartfelt conversation about you feel and how your mother in laws action are affecting your marriage and u need to tell her to start setting boundaries with her mother

[@shimmer4771]

It's a major sin for the parents to get involved with their daughter's marriage. This is private and none of her business.

[@TheTheletterI]

Tried ALL OF THIS my wife just too blinded by her mother.

[@TheTheletterI]

I even got Sheik Assim to advise me BUT I can't get her away from her mom to sit with both me and the Sheik. Then her step dad (Muslim) is involved now and he said "F**k your Sheik and tell him I said it, he's nothing but a fake KZbinr who knows nothing." This is probably the sadest thing I have ever experienced in the religion as a convert not even going to lie not even going to lie.

[@shimmer4771]

@@TheTheletterI I am so sorry. Please don't let this make you feel this way towards Islam or Muslims.

[@Falasteen7urra]

Bad/mean mother in laws are usually unhappily married women. Women who aren’t close to their husbands latch on to their sons and tend to have an unhealthier relationship with them and are more jealous of their daughter in laws. My parents have a very loving relationship and are one another’s best friends mashaAllah and my mother literally could care less about her daughter in laws. As in she doesn’t like to get involved, doesn’t want any of her sons living with her and is happy for them to just live their lives as they choose. My brothers don’t even live in the same country as my parents and my dad is more bothered by it than my mum😂 my MIL however is a different story…very strained traditional relationship with her older husband, is much more attached to her sons and dislikes all her dils but me. I’m the only one out of 4 on speaking terms with her now as the others have cut her off.

[@WhiteFang111]

U are blessed.

[@unknownasmrqueen2138]

My mother in law is moroccan and its very common among moroccans that the husbands mom make sihr on sons marriage to cause issues or divorce . My husband has several brothers but they dont love their wifes . My husband is very inlove with me even after 5 kids and 15 years of marriage and This has caused issues With my mother in law to the point she went to someone and did black magic on us and caused us to Both divorce and become very sick ( We have proofs that she did that ) the culture im from a mother gets happy when her son is happily married but among moroccans and asians what i noticed is the mother behaves like the sons wife is the second wife who came and took her husband from her . Its toxic mother / son relationship and its haram to behave like that but not many cares about islam today . Its the husbands fault because he allows this behavour from the mother

[@samwilson4597]

why are people wth no wives talking about this topic?

[@SKhan-di7gw]

In response I am a single mother With only one son not remarried Insha Allah I intend to treat my daughter in law like I would like others to treat my nieces who I love like my daughters I work And Insha Allah I intend to give my daughter her Soave and treat her like

[@freddily]

Where's the mil perspective? Also, plenty of dil are toxic. There's definitely a culture of victimhood and painting in laws as bad in the south Asian culture and the girls mothers will encourage this. Also, a lot of daughter in laws also gossip. Spread gossip about inlaws to outsiders. Very unwise to not have a mixed perspective. Especially from a majority group of unmarried people.

[@NofalKhan-zj6pm]

You should also do the same podcast with mother in laws and father in laws, to get both side of the stories.

[@wasimmomin1128]

Women and accountability would never meet. It's always the man's fault even if the mother decides to kill her daughter in law where the man knows nothing about what happened behind his back.

[@shimmer4771]

I take accountability. I'm learning to. If the mother in law did such a thing, it's completely her fault.

[@afsanatai7572]

Both need their own housing and this dynamic of south asian culture needs to absolutely go away. In islam the woman has her own rights to ask for her own accommodations. Men don’t get married unless you have an accommodation for your partner. Rent or buy but DO not bring your wife into your mom’s house to live. The worst thing ever is mother and daughter in law living together. If you wanna look after your parents live close by. But do not bring the girls into the house

[@noorhmansour9266]

In Saudi Arabia we have this culture to live with your in-laws the same house but you have your private residence but you will share kitchen and the entrance in some cases but a lot of women prefer to have separated houses nowadays a lot of girls write in their nikah as a condition is to have independent home with her husband

[@babbars2560]

Mixmix..Free mix!

[@nawaz8855]

Its all about coherasive control in households . Everyone want the remote control an everyone trys snaching it away 😂😂who wears the trousers or holds the remote control in your homes 🤔 Stick to model below and have better mental health . Livw seperatly from inlaws an family 👍 Less confilict =Quicker resolutions to problems 👍Be honest/respectfull, truthfull at all times allah will reward us all

[@NisasHenna]

So many points and dynamics were missed out, you need to get more experienced and more knowledgeable people who can explain and lay out everything that happens in a marriage living with inlaws and separate. Who has experienced a lot of issues in marriage whether they are still married or not. One each from each backgrounds to open up what actually happens. Maybe you should invite a marriage counsellor so you'll know if either of the sides speaking the correct things.

[@Az-um8gr]

What’s the point of this show?

[@WhiteFang111]

I believe all thos could have been avoided had prophet said to stay single all these problems started by get married this and that.

[@rimamachour]

Sister Amira is lost between those kids she enter nursery by mistake 😂😂😂😂

[@Saliah-Begum]

A mother in law is strong enough to destroy a marriage but a daughter in law is strong also to take a son from the mother, Allah malik

[@kristasteen5807]

Alhamdulillah for my mother in law. She is the most amazing and kind woman. I would let her live with me and take care of her forever. She is a blessing in my life.

[@aidomuah]

I believe there should not be a competition. The mother in law should learn to accept the new family member and try her best to be a good mother her (because a mother in law’s status in the eye of Allah is the same as your own mother) & the daughter in law should also accept the mother in law and try your best to be a good daughter to her

[@soubermed2175]

20:17 that overthere 😂 traditional somali mother in law😂😂😂

[@hopenomatterwhat9728]

Where to get whitening kit for home that's affordable?

[@brummyguy3716]

It would be better if you get married, experienced people on the show and not young kids with little life experience

[@HomeTravelGardenInspo]

You mean generation Z who are so entitled and spoilt, and have zero life skills and Islamic knowledge. These Muslim sisters are so selective, on which Sunnah they want to abide by. Two of these sisters, are from a broken home (where they probably have daddy issues), and then the one in the pink scarf is already a divorcee. These are not the right kind of Muslim’s to bring on a panel, to discuss important issues. We don’t know their backstory, only what they have disclosed previously, but they are showing signs of being impatient and entitled. Why would a Muslim MAN, choose a woman like that, over his MOTHER, the woman who gave birth to him, fed him, clothed him, looked after him, and all of a sudden, he needs to ignore his mum, because his wife is insecure and wants him all to herself. What if the mother is old and frail, lives alone, and the father has passed away? What would these sisters suggest then, especially if it’s the mothers home, and the son will now have to pay for his mothers home, living costs, as well as his own home and living costs, then the couple will fight about finances. These youngsters have zero life experiences and awareness of a number of factors, why a son would still live with his mother, after marriage.

[@piqueny8872]

These women were prob raised either narcissistic parents or have been given the male role provide and protect So they believe mil will stop there social lives and freedom

[@thebesttruth4659]

May Allah protect innocent Muslim Brothers Sisters😔😔all innocent family in Pakistan Pakistan stop kidnapped and killed innocent family😔😔

[@weirdstrafer9263]

The brother misspoke about prioritizing of mother vs wife. Your mother always comes first (if she is right and reasonable) except for one thing and thats finances.

[@HomeTravelGardenInspo]

That guy sounds like a right simp. He said, men should get Islamic knowledge before marriage but he doesn’t have the basic knowledge of how important a mother is. Jannah is beneath your mother’s feet, NOT your wives. You only get one mother in this duniya, where you can get a wife 4 times. 1. Allah 2. Prophet Mohammed (SAW) and Sunnah 3.Mother 4.Mother 5.Mother 7.Father

[@noreenbi9079]

Yes but if ur mother is evil then what?

[@weirdstrafer9263]

@@noreenbi9079 Thats why i said if she is reasonable

[@noreenbi9079]

@@weirdstrafer9263 Yes I was talking about the other person who commented on importance of the mother.

[@noreenbi9079]

@@HomeTravelGardenInspo The mother has lived her life also has her husband. She should let her son be happy

[@amoura809]

Can we stop having unmarried people talking about these topics it's so annoying. It could honestly be a very beneficial discussion if you brought on married people who have a few years experience at least !! @ali dawah

[@gladiatorjam3594]

Sorry but one sister in the group made me run from marriage. No way am gonna marry someone like her. And yeah am a mama boy

[@rimamachour]

You still have a good option married your mum 😂😂😂😂

[@gladiatorjam3594]

@@rimamachour well am Muslim idk what religion do you follow, we just don’t swing that way. I leave the option to you. I prefer marrying to a maid so she can serve me and my whole family

[@alaaqel489]

i think laki has her own channel anyone knows it ??

[@freddily]

From what I've seen in many households, after marriage, the dil remembers only her rights and not anyone else's, not even her husbands. Mother in laws are tending to end up as unpaid maids and babysitters because these dil can't cook or won't, can't clean or won't, not even for their own husbands. They 'have' to work, put their child on a back burner just to get away from taking responsibilities of the home. Their mothers actively encourage their daughters to go out and work bc usually they'll benefit financially too. Yet the mil is still the bad guy when she speaks up. I've seen dil literally insult the whole family including her husband and yet the mil is still painted as the bad guy. These girls on here are saying I won't x and I won't y but when it comes to their own mother it will be a completely different story. Also, they seem to forget that it's sadaka jaria to take care of family, and even if it's not compulsory it's still sadaka. Are we not meant to be earning as many good deeds as possible. I've seen situations where grandparents can't leave the house, miss appointments, can't pray their prayers because they're constantly being dumped with grandchildren bc the dil 'has a right to work bc she said she will before marriage' even though she has literally no bills to pay. Neither parent of said child wants to pay childcare. Same dil can't even ask parent in law if they're well, just get annoyed they can't dump their child. Occasionally still will regardless of the grandparents health. These mothers that raise good men that you rush to marry, the wives should kiss the mil's hand and show a bit more gratitude. Absolutely disgusting one sided rhetoric, made my blood boil.

[@dehdiar8638]

what makes you think you will be different ? lol . those mother in law's at one stage in their younger era would have chatting shit about their mother in law's lol. it should be mature women vs young women.

[@hopenomatterwhat9728]

54:28 Sunan Ibn Majah 1984: It was narrated that 'Aishah said: "The Messenger of Allah never beat any of his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything." حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا وَكِيعٌ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ مَا ضَرَبَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ خَادِمًا لَهُ وَلاَ امْرَأَةً وَلاَ ضَرَبَ بِيَدِهِ شَيْئًا ‏.‏ Grade: Sahih (Darussalam) Reference : Sunan Ibn Majah 1984 In-book reference : Book 9, Hadith 140 English translation : Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1984

[@hopenomatterwhat9728]

Allah knows best

[@africanhistory]

he finds it strange yet here we are. I don't know any woman I had that my mother did not hate.

[@Jaafar_Alkhalifa]

18:45 That's not the only hadith that puts mothers in a pedestal, there's a lot of Verses and hadiths that shows how important the mother is. There is no one you'll encounter in this life that you should treat better than your mom. Of course they shouldn't oppress your wife, but you should be the man to tank the hits from both sides. Please your mom and be just to your wife.

[@shimmer4771]

A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and said "O Messenger of Allah, who amongst the people is most worthy of my companionship?" He said, "Your mother." The man asked again. "Your mother." He said. The man asked again. "Your mother." The man asked a fourth time. Only then did the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him say, "Your father." In the Quran Allah says "Respect the womb that bore you." There's Hadiths about the womb. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him said) "Your parents are your Paradise or they are your Hellfire." (Meaning that how you treat them will determine whether you enter Paradise or Hellfire.)

[@hajatihajati5357]

I have a son who is writing a book story for me about his family can you imagine 🤔🤔🤔

[@azharismail9411]

😂theres a reason why the mother's/mother in law's are not presents.This topic is like interfering with a nuclear bomb

[@Saliah-Begum]

Brother Ali wise keep information to yourself but I expect my son to tell me but to keep things good I would side with my daughter in law.

[@Tressa-Rei-Tressa]

The mother is threatened by the sons wife. That the wife will poison her son against her, 'steal' her time and affections. Mothers need to strengthen their bonds with their sons and Allah SWT First. No-one can take what is yours away from you.

[@zamzamp2757]

Mothers in-law and daughters in-law are neither perfect nor evil - they are humans with their own flaws. A lot of the issues here are actually underlying. Like one sister in the panel said, some DILs go in believing that the MIL will be evil and be prepared to battle which is wrong. We need to be respectful as MILs are our elders, and also understanding that that is your husband’s mother and you also have a mother that you love/ respect/ care for. It’s difficult when the son doesn’t know how to manage between his mother and wife, but that’s not the mother’s fault either. I do believe that some MILs are overly attached to their sons and it’s partly daddy issues on the mother’s side as well as maybe husband issues… Sometimes I think women develop this unhealthy mother and son bond because her son gives her this manly respect and love that her own husband didn’t give her. It’s psychological and hardwired so it’s difficult to change unless all parties are willing to adjust. I just want to remind DILs that one day, if not now, you will have your own son and you will want a strong, healthy bond with your son in your old age too so that’s only what your MIL needs. Life is short, please don’t make enemies. Even if you don’t see eye to eye then remember that this other person (MIL or DIL) is a fellow Muslim inshaAllah and as such they deserve your respect and to be protected from any harm from you. Dua is the weapon of the believer - turn to Allah swt to rectify your affairs as we will return to him sooner than we may think.

[@aliknight8419]

This is haram free mixing. May Allah guide Ali dawah

[@mahnoorburney2323]

First comment 😊❤

[@AbuAnkabut]

How different is this than fresh and fit ? 😭

[@Badboyccaswe87]

This whole show is a fitna

[@ku8458]

This is so cringe listening to young people talk about grown up subjects. I would have overlooked their inexperience if they quoted many verses from Quran and Hadith.

[@Saliah-Begum]

In laws are in laws. What goes around comes around if you are nice as a daughter in law or you are the mother it will all come around your behaviour.

[@imjustghostin6767]

Now bring the mother and father in-laws on show watch how tables turn.

[@Ultraviolence2024]

I find it strange that men and women sit there together, are not married to each other and talk about many topics and are not ashamed. European problems.

[@asswiddiqwatamaaman979]

Question for you host and all of you,,,do you shout at your Mother????

[@MrAK4786]

What’s funny is we have a panel for men and their views on the subject and a panel for the women on this subject but no panel for the mothers on this subject maybe you should have had mothers come in and also say what they feel regarding this topic it’s bit biased when you miss out group of ppl that are apart of the discussion I agree the wife needs to be respected but the mother needs to be respected too you should view the mother for the women as daughter in laws as their own mother maybe they won’t feel a certain way bout some of the points of discussion as they truly just see them as the mother of their husbands the gate way for a man is his mother and father and for the wife it is her husband this does not mean don’t respect ur wife or make her do things that are not apart of the deen of Allah swt but it shows the importance of the mother and how you should value what they may feel or understand as they have been through life for longer period of time and seen more and experienced more too. The best of men are those who treat their wife good is also apart of the sunnah so you must take things in a propionate manner the wife needs to respect the mother the same way the mother will respect her son and daughter in law there will always be issues on some topics but you must try and understand the issue at hand to the very best and walk with the truth even if it’s against you self or ur kin or anyone else for that matter may Allah swt make it easy for the young couples that are newly married and guide us all jannah.

[@jaysonjames1000]

Why don't both family's get to know each other first before putting a woman in a house full of people she doesn't know anything about.