Will Moving Out Improve My Relationship With My Parents? | TDK Podcast #82

Is it really so difficult to live with your parents? How much would you pay for a HDB in Singapore? Should singles be able to BTO at 28 years old?
00:00 - Intro
00:33 - Joint Singles Scheme Operator - Run Pilot
02:43 - Lowering the age for singles’ HDB flat eligibility from 35 to 28
05:39 - Rising HDB resale prices
07:37 - Is living with your parents that bad?
12:53 - Should children move out of their parents house earlier?
17:32 - John's relationship with his in-laws
20:57 - Is it unfilial to move out of your parents house if you are still single/young?
24:26 - Denise almost moved out of her parents house
33:55 - Closing
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Cast:
• Johnathan Chua / johnathanchua
• Daniel Lim / danlim11
• Jonathan Paul / jonathanpaul.sxw
• Denise Oh / ohthedenise
Behind the Cam:
• Nashrul Merza
• Julian Chin
• Hisyam Osman
• Daren Khek
• Charlene Goh
Edited by:
Priyanka Ravichandran

[@Ohthedenise]

i still love my mum

[@yca4309]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHAGAHAHAGAHA

[@rebeccang9314]

I actually have the same curfew issues with my family but ever since secondary school, I realised that when I told them I'm out for group projects, they have nothing to say cos "oh school work mah, bo bian". And then during the holidays, since I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends, I'll say "I go out do project". And then in poly and uni, I also used the same project excuse. Sometimes when they ask me about the projects, I even make up a story about the name of my projects, the people I work with, etc. And then when I started working, I just keep saying oh OT.... I'm pretty sure this is not the best way to solve this issue. But I've been doing this for more than half my life and I'm unsure of what to do. At my current age of 23, sometimes I tried telling them the truth but my curfew is like 10pm... sometimes it's like I already went all the way out to meet my friend and Idw to go home so early. To prevent fights, I rather just lie to them. So they think it's OT or project or what not, they don't know, they won't rage and everyone happy. Liddat how lol

[@identifywithme]

Hi Denise, I very rarely comment on KZbin videos but I wanted to say that when I listen to you, I feel like I'm watching myself 10 years ago. (It also doesn't help that we went to the same secondary school and JC. If you went to the primary school of your secondary school then whoa even primary school we also same haha.) It's quite surreal. I want to say that you're not alone. And I completely understand how you feel towards your mother. It's a weird mix of love, guilt, anger, resentment, frustration and helplessness mixed with a desire to still be practical and not bankrupt yourself for "independence". I share very similar experiences with my Mom. The curfew thing (mine was 11pm), the locking me out the house thing, (she'd use the door latch thing), insisting on me giving her an inordinate amount of my money when I started working etc. Don't look at these actions with logic. Don't have logic one. For example, my mother will say she wants me home earlier because it's not safe to stay out so late. THEN WHY YOU LOCK ME OUT THE HOUSE TILL 3 PLUS AM?!?! You cannot take what they say and believe it's what they want. E.g. your mom saying she wants you to stay home more and spend time with her or whatever. It's not. You'll just frustrate yourself trying to make sense out of nonsense. For my situation, looking back, I've come to realise it is about power. Power and control over me. I don't know why it's a thing, probably a myriad of reasons. But essentially, controlling me gave my mother a lot of pleasure. To take it to the extreme, my mother found joy in my suffering. In telling me what to do and watching me obey. I believe part of it is linked to her realisation that I've become an adult and no longer needed her. I don't doubt for a moment that my mother loves me. I also love my mother very much. But her love is not one that encourages my growth and independence. It was on her terms and it meant dependence on her and obedience to her. (You can argue that that isn't really love then. But I think love comes in many different forms.) For me, eventually I moved out with my significant other (we are not married). The moving out period was HORRIBLE. Whoa, I do not know how I got through that period honestly. My mom guilt tripped the living shit out of me. I hated myself, I hated her, I hated everything. I never realise the burden of filial piety was so heavy. The only reason why I got through it is because my significant other wasn't blinded by emotion and could see things objectively as an outsider and he forced me to go through with it because he knew if I didn't, I would waste away under my mother. (he also helped me manage the guilt and my mother a lot. Thank Jesus for him.) My point is that it is tough, until you do it. Until you realise your mother has nothing on you. What can she do? Kick you out of the house? You're already moving out! You will come to realise she needs you more than you need her. And that realisation is SO freeing. Ultimately, I hope that you find courage to allow yourself to be a better version of you, away from the shadow of your Mom. Your relationship with your mother cannot be solely on her terms. I don't doubt that you love your mother, and she loves you. But you can love each other and not be good together. Filial piety does not have to mean suffering for your mother. I wrote this long ass comment because I wish someone told me this when I was your age. trying to understand why my relationship with my mom was like that. Why I was so unhappy and frustrated all the time. I wish someone told me to have courage, to just do something for me. That in order for things to become better, I had to first look after me. I hope the very best for you! And I hope you find courage to build a relationship that is also on your terms. :) P.S. I'm not saying everybody should just pack up and move out. I'm not even saying I think Denise should move out. I think you need to assess what is best for you and make decisions for yourself. Everybody (and their relationship with their parents) is different!

[@Herman-xx6wc]

It really du be ~~

[@austen98]

Hey there, Denise. I was in the same situation as you years ago. I am a grown man now with a family and I find myself traumatised but I have learnt it. It isn't that we dont love them or that they don't love us but rather 2 things, in particular are the problem, ignorance and lack of communication, both of which have the same origins. The first, and most important, point is that there is no handbook to teach you how to be a parent. You can read any literature you want and it still doesn't come close to helping you parent your child. So what one does is usually to fall back to what one knows and its from all our experiences up to that point, in your parent's case it manifests itself in the actions that they are now taking with you. Now, as a child, independence wasn't really a factor but as you matured in to the woman you are now, things have changed. Suddenly, rules, like your curfew, which were meant to keep you safe are now an impedement to your lifestyle and that isn't right. You can't blame them for doing what they do but their actions stem from the ignorance due to lack of instruction, so to speak, and unfortunately it still plagues Singaporean culture today. Sure, parents of young children today are vastly different but where does that leave you? The thing is you, and many others, are in a unique position which is purely Singaporean. Moving out of home in Singapore is neigh on impossible due mainly to affordability and the numbers show this. On a recent publication, the article quoted that as at 2020, just over 51k people in the ages between 25-34 who in live in Singapore and live away from their Singaporean parents, which sounds like a lot till you factor in the demographic as a whole (just under 600k in that same age group), which makes it a little over 1%. Now if this was, say Australia or the US, this would be very different because there is huge and dynamic rental market in those countries that could find properties that would suit your budget not to mention buying properties too (without all the Singaporean red tape), which is in stark contrast to Singapore. So where to from here for you? Well, the one thing that worked for me was to take a stand. Now I am 50 year old man but as at the time I got married, which was about 10 years ago, my mother still treated me like yours did, abusive and judgemental. She would do things like your mother did. However, unlike you, I moved out of the family home long before I hit 30 years of age. The problem for you is that you need to make an ultimatum to your mother/parents in that they recognise that you are now an adult, even if you are still their child, and have no compunction in cutting all ties with them once you leave the home, which is, after all, what they want, but it would only be an empty threat because you have no where else to go. The point I am trying to make here is that your parents, mother in particular is still treating you like a child instead of vice-versa and until this stalemate is taken care of, you and you parent will not move forward. Like i said, this isnt about your love for your parents. It is about pure individual self - respect.

[@thestaringenclave]

Frankly, I’m impressed with john’s dissection of the older generation Asian parents may not know how to express themselves and instead of saying what they actually mean, they end up pushing the kids away. We may not know the exact reasons and experience why the two ladies are not having good relationships with their parents but it would be really nice to just step back and explore perhaps why their parents are doing and saying things the way they did. I don’t think parents set out to be toxic from the get go.

[@wildpasta]

Unfortunately, many parents are indeed toxic although not all of them have toxic intentions (ie narcissists/sociopaths). Their parents were probably toxic to them too, thus creating this vicious cycle till someone finally decides to go for therapy or do something to break the cycle. By bringing a child into the world, parents do have a duty to not inflict harm on their children be it intentionally or unintentionally. Which is why their toxic behaviours should not be excused.

[@1337hacks]

That's on the parents to figure out how to say what they mean. Assuming the parents are not mentally handicapped, they have access to the internet for resources, its still their responsibility to not be the one to say and do hurtful things.

[@diana.b1059]

Can really relate to Denise. My dad is very controlling and a negative person. There was this one time whereby I came home at around 11+ cause I met up with my Insurance Agent after work. My dad called me but I didn’t hear my phone ringing cause I put my phone in my bag. And when I saw the missed calls. I called back but he didn’t pick up already. Zzz. My dad locked me out of my house. My mum was not in Singapore too. So I had to crash my friend’s place for the night which luckily was near to my house. Cause it was already quite late. I was so angry and I didn’t talk to him for weeks and I complain to my mum about it. He said that I treat the house like a hotel. Shitty thing to say really. I also thought about moving out from time to time cause being under the same roof as my dad really takes a toll to my mental health. I think I’ve developed a defence mechanism whereby I shut my ears when he talks and whatever he says, makes me feel so angry. And at times I will argue back in a very loud tone. Sometimes I wonder if he was the main reason why I have commitment issues and am scared that I will act like my dad to my kids in future.

[@JohnathanChuaa]

❤️❤️❤️

[@norman6499]

Clear and concise communication is the key. Let your dad understand how u feel from his doing. As his children, U also need to let him know your whereabout thou u can say u adult already but he is showing his concern. In this way you wont be at the mercy of random call from him. When your dad says u treat his house like hotel, its likely u are doing this for many times already. Dont be selfish ok? Just a message wont cost you any seconds…..about his negative words to u, u must remind him constantly, need effort if u still wan your dad..

[@maichieko413]

I would suggest that you start saving up if you have not already. Whether you intend to move out or not, keep that option available to you. Also you never know when you have the chance to settle down even if you feel thats not possible. Circumstances can change, so when the opportunity arises be mentally and financially prepared. So save up.

[@lululu5799]

i have a few friends who have parents like your dad. Its not your fault - it could be coz your dad was brought up similarly and he does it to you thinking it's normal. But if your parents is still controlling to the point that there is still curfew etc even tho you are a full-fledged adult, it is not normal lar. But older boomer gen wouldn't think of going therapy even tho they obviously have issues.

[@idconfirm]

ive moved out when i was 30 and single. Caused a ruckus cos i wasn't moving out for a particular reason (i.e. marriage, moving overseas, moving in with partner). I only wished that I have moved out wayyyy earlier in my 20s. It might have pushed me to be more prudent with money, to make better choices in life and accelerate the journey to being truly independent.

[@lilylala6228]

I thought of moving out too to better my relationship with parents n siblings and better myself but my salary cannot make it so i learn how to have patience for now

[@KimiLovesYouxoxo]

next episode: how far would you go to stand up for your wife

[@wildpasta]

normalise Asian parents needing a wakeup call / therapy. really. it's not ok.

[@dazeltham1929]

I totally relate to Denise because I understand how this issue takes a mental toll on us. Thank god i moved out before covid lockdown but until today i havent even contact w my parents partly because i left in the middle of the night and i did not notify them about it and they prolly dw to have anything to do w me. Its like a planned escape plan for build up for years. So not necessarily to build the relationship better but perhaps for the betterment of our own mental health. Im lucky to have my grandma and uncle to shelter me from my mom and blessed to have my sister who also understands the toxic situation at home ( she eventually left as well 1 year aft i moved out and moved in w us). So i hope Denise figures out what’s the best solution to her own issue and hopefully by then she sleeps better without this constant pressure from her parents. :)

[@ariennechua1510]

this be the only thing keeping me alive during exam wk

[@mysticery]

The definition of moving out is living independently, making your money supporting yourself.. i dont think Dan’s example of moving out at 14 is justifiable. He was basically given the freedom every child at that age wanted. And he got taken care of, pocket money etc.

[@AcediaRulerOfSloth]

I think the crew didnt really touch on the topic of how parents basically treat kids as an investment policy and expect us to take care of them when theyre old and give them money when we start working, which to me is a really toxic mindset, yes they may love us but there are really more ways to repay them back than just being treated like an atm

[@alonso86]

I was lucky to have an opportunity to stay out due to a work opportunity. For me, I feel like it helped in my relationship with my mum because the lesser we meet, the lesser the arguments. it will also help because when you want to meet your mother for lunch or something, it becomes intentional. The chances of argument then reduces because the attempt to meet is intentional, and it is unlikely you want to argue with her if you already had the intention to meet her. Ultimately, each mother love differently, so I wish you can find the best way to communicate with her.

[@gillianlu]

I relate to Denise to much! My stuff did get thrown out at one point, and my curfew is 11pm (I'm also older than Denise lol)😅

[@nim641]

tbh the "asian culture" excuse isn't really legit cause moving out is really common in Asia as well. people in other Asian countries would move to the bigger cities all the time. these power play moves between parents and kid just don't seem to be healthy tho...

[@beckham48]

Sometime especially for single, u crave for personal time and at the same time is bliss that ur parents are around concerning u whether u have eaten, I am missing my dad terribly, mum will also cast unreasonable remarks , but soon will forget as parents really go through alot bringing us up, think Denise mum could have really lock the wooden door but she didn't, treasure the time where the parents are well and still alive in this world as time really passes by very fast and don't make yourself regret for things u didn't do for the parents

[@shirley6101]

I completely understand Denise's pov. I'm older than Denise yet I still have a curfew at 11pm. My dad is an extremely chauvinistic man with an OCD disorder. He expects everyone in the house to follow his own set of schedule and rules. He will threaten to throw my things out of the house when I don't obey him, simply because it's HIS house, not MINE. I can't do what I want since I don't own it legally. Till today, I still don't have the freedom to go out of the house whenever I want to, and have no privacy within the house as well. My belongings are constantly scrutinised by my dad and my parents enter my room as though it's the living room. Honestly, I have been thinking of renting and moving out, but I know that my parents would not be receptive to this and would use filial piety as a way to guilt trip me.

[@maichieko413]

If you are financially able I would suggest that you find an alternative accommodation. By the time I moved out after marriage, my relationship with my parents has deteriorated to estrangement. I realise that tolerating a toxic relationship only enable their bad behavior and they will continue their abusive ways.

[@k80sg]

The kind of chat I wish I can have with my friends/colleagues instead of bad mouthing about other colleagues/boss or dirty jokes during beer sessions.

[@oddeze7482]

The priorities for HDB can stack as well. So for example if you have children (priority #1) and want to buy an HDB to be in close vicinity of your or your partner's elderly parents (priority #2), both priorities can stack and bump you up the queue even more.

[@wildpasta]

Another one which gives you an extra ballot chance is if you apply for the same BTO project as your parents - BUT it's absolutely horrible that your parent's flat can only be a 2BR or 3BR. Like, why make such a policy if it's going to be horrible and irrationally restrictive

[@Callsign-Blade_RunnerSG]

@Oddeze Doesn’t always work, I am married and have 2 children but still unable to get a BTO near my parents’ place even after 4 tries.

[@Inkio01]

This video made me feel so deeply. I can relate to Denise so much. I can feel her frustration and stress when talking about her mom and i thought of myself dealing with my mom. Sometimes, communication is not an option because even when you try to explain yourself, your parents would think that you're giving excuses or making the problem their fault which is totally not what we're saying and it's tiring to talk to them all the time. I really wish that i could go rent or buy a house like Denise. It's tiring and stressful to deal with my mom.

[@edwinchee9390]

The actual saying is, "Blood of the convenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

[@FinalSpace]

I was planning to get a 3 rooms resale hdb as a single adult but my parents said that "We are a traditional family, you cannot move out on your own, we have to live together". So as a son trying not to be unfilial, I have no choice but to sacrifice my ideal life style for my parents' sake until they die... This sounds really sad.

[@woe9438]

this may sound harsh but it's your life. you don't owe them anything. are you happy living there? no? yeah, it's because the trade-off of you living there and being seen as a filial son, is your happiness. ultimately, you're an adult already, legally on your own. all the best man, rooting for your happiness!

[@mattishidayeo]

Eh... Buying a 3R Resale HDB doesnt have to be mutually exclusive with living together with your family You can technically still buy, but then rent out a room (so you can still crash there as and when for whatever reason you fancy) or the entire apartment to make some money on the side, and still get that investment early before any predicted rises. So you'd still be owning a house (and get to live there in between the tenancies) but not really move out? Sure it is not the same as your ideal lifestyle but It could be close? Kinda like a vacation house of some sort?

[@maichieko413]

I don't think moving out is being u filial if you still maintain a relationship with your parents.

[@laylac]

What does filial mean anyway? Even if you want to be “filial”, there are other ways to do so instead of sacrificing your lifestyle

[@blue_red_unicorn5913]

Sending love and hugs to Denise!

[@gayaclav1973]

one of the best episodes in your podcast!! Thanks for a fruitful discussion- exploring both sides of the story.

[@CanMakeIt]

John's awkwardness during Dan's intro rating: 7/10

[@BluuKiss]

Hearing Denise's story, I feel so sad :(

[@TheEverscar]

Denis's curfew thing seems so insane

[@deadjunior258]

You'd be surprise at how common it is

[@randyneneo5478]

Is it just me or is Dan's voice breaking more often recently? Love the podcast guys always a great listen during my lunch break!

[@pixelgunboy7244]

Oh gosh Denise, wish u strength.

[@ysh8]

I love this episode cos it resonates with me so much! Especially on the part where I can’t leave cos I feel unfilial

[@gweejiahan9336]

My parents can't speak two sentences with anyone including themselves without fighting... I love them to death but man i hate their attitudes so much. Also yea they love to use the fact that me and my siblings still staying in their house to threaten us. They don't give a shit about our lives, we can take the initiative to go up and share some good or happy life update and they can 'k bye' us, or share bad health updates and their first thought is how it would affect our jobs and their filial fee. We are ATMs to them, the endowment plans, retirement plan. Also my sister also have the same story as denise but they actually locked my sister out by changing the lock on the gate, she had to stay with her friend that night. When we try to engage them peacefully and try to point out their toxic behaviour and reccomend counselling and professional help and even pay for it, their pride is too high to accept. everyday is a mental torture being at home... I just stay in my room and distract myself most of the time now and I plan to leave and get my own place as soon as i can. Me and my siblings all want to cut all relations and interactions with my parents but i know SG law don't allow and my parents have already threatened to sue if we do it haiz...

[@sg_rinterior]

After watching this eps about getting a home 🤔 Was thinking it will be good to talk about Renovation in Singapore as well. With also on the rising prices and practices to educate home owners and the misconceptions on the interior design industry 😊

[@aidz-pn5oe]

Love the conversation especially about the parents. It's tough being parents. having my own with some becoming an adult I struggle..made lots of mistakes and most probably continue making them. But love your insights. Not saying that all relationships are healthy some may be toxic and will continue to be so. I told my children that just as they were not given a choice of parents neither was I given a choice of children. But I know that they are given to me for they are the best for me, our family and our religion. And I will try to always remember that. All the best!

[@nicoleliang7700]

The dustbin cup is so adorable

[@yzeuthium]

love the discussion and to know that im not the only one facing such issues at home, but any advice on how to deal with these kinda problems? I kinda tried but talking to parents doesn't really work

[@zezimabig]

From the days that it was a 10 min show by dan alone HAHAH you guys have come a long way

[@sarahsimke]

yo babe, wake up, new TDK ep just dropped

[@vanillameltz]

Love u guys . I saw Jon at waterway point too last time. Good advice !

[@chowjiayi1644]

I'm just horrified at how controlling some Asian parents can be... My parents gave me and my sis alot of freedom, we don't really have a curfew, except that my mum get worried if im not home at like maybe 11.30. But after hearing the experiences of other friends and relatives I would definitely feel suffocated living in a household like that... even though I am pretty much a homeboy and rarely go out

[@rui9912]

I think it really boils down to age. As you grow older, you will start to appreciate what your parents did for you and have a more mature mindset on how to deal with your own parents. Bcos at the end of the day, whatever they do to you (be it like knocking on door asking what you wanna eat / giving you curfew) is that they care about you. They are the first 2 humans that loved you even before you were born! :) So yes, treasure your time with your parents before it is too late.

[@annabellac234]

i have experienced sth similar to denise's situation though it was more of emotional and verbal abuse from my mother which caused me to want to move out. i eventually did and am much much happier now. took 6 months to house hunt because i had a lot of considerations about locations and all that. dont think my mum has accepted the fact that i moved though. she still says negative things when i see her for family birthday celebs. tbh i only dropped her a fyi whatsapp im moving out 1 week before i moved but im praying that things will improve and eventually she will understand my reasons and that i really need my personal space to heal and grow. i like how jon verbalized the whole love language thing too. but like sherms i dont get how the people who are supposed to be the closest to you can say the meanest things when you dont even say such things to anyone else. but i guess like how others have shared, it's their first time being parents too and so we all need to learn about what method of communication works best for one another. stay strong denise

[@joycehuang668]

Agree it helps relationship with parents for me

[@jefri4176]

I totally understand Denise situation and feel for her.

[@khooym]

7:49 nice one there hahahaha

[@maomi3672]

I told my dad I was unhappy living with them and wanted to move out, he got visibly upset and basically said I’m not allowed to. 😄

[@callista6566]

i share abt this channel with almost everyone ik bc i rlly appreciate how the demographic of ur content is extremely specific & relatable to Singaporeans HAHAHA ,, upload more frequently pls hv a gr8 day ahead !

[@callista6566]

im smhow alws looking at the subscriber count for this channel too glad it’s growing bc i rlly hv a fear that the target audience will change js like how many other utubers did 😢

[@CapDingo1975]

Jon is correct. Parents push you away but they don't want that. They want you there. Its different communication style. Denise, the "treat this place as a hotel" actually means they want to relate to you. Not relating = living there like a hotel. My grandmother said that to me when I was a teenager. Now I am a parent I understand their perspective. A lot of the problem is communication, but their heart is good.

[@JuzNicky]

Yes family isn't about blood. Insert Dom T's Quotes here. This Podcast is really heartfelt with all the comments too. Wish I can move out asap too its driving me nuts.

[@RepublicOfButter]

I appreciate my fam more now.

[@jurgenneo]

Public housings are meant for all to have a roof over heads. If you want investment, go private. Public housings not meant to flip, rather, public housing can only be sold back to HDB. HDB will resell to the next citizens, hence keeping public housing prices under control.

[@mysticery]

Please consider putting the image on screen too?

[@mysticery]

Wouldnt it be a better idea if singles could own their own since such a common phrase “cant host” is clearly the reason one cant hook up privately?

[@mikey3672]

Reselling public housing should not be a thing. A house should be a place to stay and not an investment but I get why there is a need for it. However public housing needs to stay out of this.

[@magiccoin892]

To correct what Dan said, you are given a one year penalty and you will lose your First Timer priority for a year if you “drop out” TWICE.

[@KeithLeeMH]

Shermaine's CUP! Am I doing this for your algor? Or do I really want her cup. You'll never know ;)

[@VelvetteDee]

Not true on the mattress. Iirc, SAF have to go through at least 3 quotes to buy mattress. I remember getting Magic Koil mattress but they do change the mattresses after a certain period (I guess is every 5-7 years?) They don't buy the cheapest mattress of the lot / range.

[@vhalia]

Jonathan is such a thoughtful SIL

[@QoOsTeR]

I would say perfect single age to get a flat would be 32.

[@Ben-kh2rh]

We have gathered here, by the grace of our lord (the algorithm) Best podcast out there btw. Love the frequeny uploads!

[@cherricam]

HMMM should i move out? CAN i move out??

[@eeivriell]

Love the conversation as always and thank you for putting in the work. Just a small request, can we please have a link to the topics that are being discussed in the description? It's just easier to follow the conversations this way 🥲

[@clariefairy]

Seems like we all have the same moms.

[@Jack-hy2ki]

When u have kids your thinking will change. The perspective towards your parents will change too.

[@benwong2061]

Algo!

[@Ben-kh2rh]

Algo indeed

[@B4LLI5LIFE]

the legend commented

[@Whiteroca]

5:06 pregnant no priority tho, only having kids got priority

[@kelvinchong6945]

the thing about trying to get house at 28 is good cause is not like everyone is going to get it 1st try for most ppl, like me i started trying at 35, it took me like 8 times then i get it, by then i was 38, and wait for the bto to build i only getting my keys by 2023 3Q, means i am 43 going to 44, then by the time i finish paying the house how old am i lol got to think for those, ugly and low income singles like me lol

[@MegaTurkeyleg]

ive gotten the best sleep ever on the saf mattress

[@Whatexactlyispeace]

Haha TDK love your channel. But no offense, lots of fake news in the earlier part of your video 😂😂. No hdb in punggol sold for a million (yet) much less millions. There is no 1 year waiting time as penalty for giving up a ballot number for the first time. Just to clarify :)

[@DerrickNinon]

greed of humans, it will never be enough. power , wealth , health etc etc never ending. the sad reason why slaves existed, and a person wealth that lasted generations. the whole concept of having so many countries on a single planet is the reason of greed.

[@Callsign-Blade_RunnerSG]

Having BTO ballot priorities for being married with children and trying for a place near parents doesn’t mean sure get. It’s GG for you if you failed multiple times in your applications. By the time you get a place, your children will already be starting to work. 😂🤣🤣

[@reagangoh6650]

Shermane quite cute eh.

[@jeromegoh6293]

why pay for something you can get in for free :)

[@kennethlim7667]

no money to move out :(

[@laylac]

Honestly don’t think Jonathan and Dan’s comments were very insightful in this episode. I don’t have a healthy relationship with my parents either, and it annoys me when people who come from healthy families try to defend toxic parents. Yes they might have their own reasons, but why must we be the ones who make the sacrifice to tolerate them? I would say communication on both ends would be a step forward to possibly mending the relationship, but a lot of times parents might simply be unwilling to understand our point of view and unwilling to change. Although Shermane only mentioned her lack of privacy, I’m sure there’s many other problems she experienced which caused her to react that way. I don’t believe anyone is born thinking that they dislike or hate their parents. They were our first point of contact when we entered this world, and were our only source for dependence. Parents on the other hand, have the option to neglect their children since they might have other priorities in life for example. I find filial piety a very outdated concept, as I would never expect my children to return me any favours in exchange of my love.

[@melwu4839]

Why are people going crazy over a moon watch

[@frostbitepokin9520]

It can bring u to the moon

[@matthewss0]

Moving out was the best thing ever!

[@_mw55_]

HDB is expensive because all thanks to MAH BOW TAN.

[@John_Smith_86]

Denise should just cut ties with her family. Nice and simple. Quit stalling

[@michealcerol8021]

I comment based on your title. Definitely wont improve alot on the relationship. however if you are married definitely moving out will neutralised any future arguments. based on facts, i have never know anyone’s story goes like: a loving mother with a daughter-in-law living together HAPPILY. Although if you are single then there is no reason for you to move out apart of independence. Living alone suddenly will incurr you alot of expenses such as groceries, every single meal you eat, your utilities, your wear and tear products, and definitely the most important: the rent itself. Sometimes you will have a moment of your mother or father being menses and start scolding and nagging you for no reasons. During that period you will have the urge to move out. But think of it this way, the money these days kids contribute to the household is as low as $500 which definitely is cheaper than living yourself. Just treat all the negative stuff coming from your parent’s mouth as a form of payment towards them and both side will have no losing parties when bad things occur.

[@rifeyq]

Its not just about money

[@gabrielsoo2939]

@@rifeyq it's always about the money

[@Hanenz16]

that will be the worst form of payment as it has a tremendous impact on your mental health and end up you will have to go to therapy (which you have to spend $$ as well). to me, it's a lose-lose situation. yes, moving out will set you back on your finances A LOT, but there are a lot of things that are more important than money ie. mental health, freedom, personal development. all these have a huge impact on the human body and mind that cannot be measured with money. but, think about it, moving out and having a space to yourself will improve your mental health greatly and you will learn to be a lot more independent which will only bring you further in life. i cannot think of any negative implications that can come from being independent in your 20s. as for finances, you will have to be very prudent and set aside a fixed amount for rent/ expenses every month. it's also good to have a rainy day fund as well. coming from someone who has done this herself, it CAN be done and i strongly encourage everyone who are in similar situations to do this. you will find that the benefits outweigh the money spent. remember, mental health is wealth.

[@norman6499]

Just a bunch of old unfilial adults discussing about moving out unmarried. Renting only make u poorer which in turn pull u back from comfortably downpayment a proper house, but at this covid era which i think is almost impossible for their avg salary. By the way im a 37 yrs old dad of 2 staying in waterway cascadia for the past 5 years

[@frostbitepokin9520]

Ok