Would We Be Good Parents?

[@TheKelliestKelly]

You two just need to play a few more rounds of "Are you a terrible parent?" Then you'll be perfect parents

[@ginkgoghost]

my aunt wanted 4 kids, my uncle wanted 2, they already had 2 so they compromised and said we’ll have 3. and then they had triplets lmao

[@craigjenkins5434]

😮

[@jasmint3207]

Ohhhh

[@Thefathersplan]

your kiddo n ?

[@calle3193]

Sorry, I laughed so loud, I didn't expect that ending hahaha

[@ruledbyvenusss]

my biggest concerns for having kids is honestly just the state of the world. i worry for all of the inhabitants on this planet that’s being so terribly destroyed.

[@cbh4166]

the way i think about it is, kids will be born regardless (all over the world), and those kids need a safe world to live in. for me, opting out of having kids for that reason would be like giving up on all the other children too.

[@ruledbyvenusss]

@@cbh4166 i don’t think having kids makes the world more safe for future children. real change from the top needs to happen in order for climate change to be even slightly less impactful on future humans

[@itsokhesjamaican]

In my experience as a parent with OCD (whose OCD actually got waaaay worse with pregnancy and parenting), I don’t think I “got over” the contamination fears, but I have added in something to my life that is so meaningful, fulfilling, and provides so much opportunity for connection, love, and motivation to take better care of myself. I personally knew I would always want kids, and then went through infertility so by the time I got pregnant I DESPERATELY wanted kids so I come at it with a different situation, but I just wanted to offer my experience which is that my OCD is still super triggered but it’s 100% worth it and adds to my wellness in a way that I do think makes the end result tip scales wayyy toward improved!!! TLDR: having a little hasn’t made my OCD better but has made my overall wellbeing better but I say this as someone who never questioned having kids Also - something to mute the crying noise was incredible. I’m not super triggered by sound so I didn’t need heavy duty headphones but I used earbuds and listened to things when my baby wouldn’t settle so I could stay regulated. Also - Allison, you emailed me to answer some questions about meeting my husband and having a “Big Sick” story for your book and I never answered bc I was in the depths of a major pregnancy OCD flareup and I have been feeling guilty ever since so I’m sorry!!!!!

[@alissa6380]

it sounds like Allison and Gabe both have pretty set answers on whether they're going to be parents, but for anyone else reading this who's undecided, i just want to point out that "would we be good parents" and "should we be parents" are two very different questions, and even if you think you'd be a good parent, that doesn't mean you *have* to do it, it's just not an additional reason *not* to do it (but there can be plenty of others! and also, i never had to come up with a detailed list of why i shouldn't become an astronaut, or why i shouldn't move to Australia, because that's what you do for things you *want* or at least are *interested in*, not just for every possibility under the sun)

[@jclyntoledo]

I agree but society puts a lot of pressure on ppl so they feel the need to come up with a list of why or why they shouldn't do it.

[@alissa6380]

@@jclyntoledo I know, that is definitely a fact of life in our current society -- for most people it would never occur that that could be something you could just not think about, so that's why I'm pointing it out as an option! if it's never appealed to you, you're allowed to just not give it any further thought than that, society and relatives be damned

[@jasmint3207]

Yeah! I think you don't need a reason to not have kids. Better to ask yourself: Why do you want kids?

[@rowanketcheson]

I'd add a third question. not just "would we be good parents" or "should we be parents" but just "do we want to be parents"

[@jackdianaeve3905]

Honestly, Gabe's take is SPOT on in my opinion. I've never heard any one say it before. It's so true that who you are with is SO impactful on the journey of parenthood, even if we don't fully realize it. I know Allison is bringing attention to "single parents" but I dont think that's the point. The point is that parenhood is fucking hard, especially if no one is helping you, and it is a drastic change to have some one giving a shit and picking up the slack when you feel too exhausted VS having to always be the one to do it. Take this from some one who got pregnant on accident and currently has a 6 month old. The days where I have help from my partner or a friend are a different planet than when I'm solo trying to do all the tasks while making sure a baby is safe. To all those who are single parents, I hope you have a village, but I know so often that is not the case and it's so so so hard. I admire you. Parenthood is a journey but the beauty is that we will learn so much.

[@SuperCafeinomane]

We need a sitcom of Allison’s life, are you fucking kidding me? Absolutely needs to happen! The best part is it writes itself!😅

[@SnowflakeValley]

Gabe, I have the exact same experience with kids - they just assume I'm one of them and the tipping point for me was when I was at this dinner thing where a bunch of kids latched on to me. Afterwards we went back to a friend's home for chai, where the kids continued to crowd around me so I got separated from the other adults and, uhm, the aunty handing out drinks mistook me for a child and tried to give me chocolate milk instead of chai. The worst part is I really wanted to take the chocolate milk. 😭 [EDIT: I'm not even overly playful or immature, I think it's just an autistic thing?]

[@jclyntoledo]

Did you take the chocolate milk?

[@SnowflakeValley]

@@jclyntoledo I wish I had!

[@craigjenkins5434]

I feel the same way as Allison. My brother and I were good tempered children. My sister was not, and that always makes me worry about having kids in the future. I'm not sure if I could handle a child like her.

[@vlwbug1986]

Noise Dampening Headphones are a life saver. I’m a parent with sensory issues around noise. Also sleep training was a big help, my husband taking the full 12 weeks off and my company giving me 5.5 months off paid. And a postpartum doula. Especially as 1st time older parents she came in handy. I didn’t do housework for 8 weeks.

[@Ariel-ps8je]

I love hearing you guys talk. You are so good at this job

[@april4657]

This conversation is so relevant for me right now. I have 3 step kids, but they're in elementary school and my husband and I are looking at having 1 child together. I completely agree that it would be so much easier if I only had to focus on being a mom, rather than working, then paying for daycare, taking care of the house, making dinner, ect. I so wish maternity/paternity leaves were longer.

[@wesaidsomething]

Thank you SO much for making this. If ever either of you become parents you need to make a podcast about being a parent with a mental illness. I find a lot of content about post-partum depression or mental illness is from people who never had mental illness before having kids, and it's great for people in a similar situation but I just can't relate. I think it's totally different when you've had a long history of mental illness and potentially trauma before having kids. I also have a history of pretty severe mental illness that has now improved a lot, but as Gabe said, it's a huge risk to have kids. It's so scary to think that I'm stable and happy now, but if I make the decision to have kids it might cause a worsening of my mental illness. I really wish more people talked about this. My friends can't relate and they just say "Oh you'll be fine" but they've never been as ill as I used to be.

[@deja3963]

I keep seeing this phenomenon where people who would likely be great parents are the people who don’t want them. Because they consider all the important things.

[@sheriroyalty2042]

Gabe talking about a three month old: "they can wash a dish, right?" 🤣 My husband says stuff like this. Unfortunately can confirm they cannot wash dishes yet. We're still waiting for the toddler to start pulling his weight around here, but he's more interested in making messes. PS I had twins with my second pregnancy when we only wanted two kids total 🥴

[@bestintentions4249]

Doug definitely told you to sit up and it may be my Roman Empire.

[@trakiul5556]

can't believe Gabe hexed Allison into having twins :/

[@hkcameras]

This is my favorite couch show, always makes me smile, laugh, and/or think :)

[@xilamonster]

I'm 2 months postpartum right now and it is SO HARD. My baby wakes up every 4 hours or less to breastfeed. So despite having my family helping me, it's essentially extended sleep deprivation. He loves to sleep on me or in my bed but those are SIDS risks. So before this I was high-strung, but the sleep and sleeping positions have made me extremely anxious. Postpartum mental health or even during the physical complications of pregnancy should not be taken lightly. I know you will make a great mom and my child is amazing, but just be so careful.

[@cariiinen]

The first few months are SO hard! Hang in there and get all the support you can! It gets better. You're doing great.

[@abbyz13]

you’re smart not to let them sleep on the beds or in your arms though, I unfortunately know someone who’s 2 month old baby died on their chest in their sleep. SIDS can be childhood sleep apnea, so when their airway is obstructed while that little they just have no chance. you’re doing okay. take care of yourself so you can take care of little one ❤

[@xilamonster]

@@abbyz13 was she awake?

[@moh33]

being a parent really is the best of times and the worst of times. I have a 5 year old now, and it does get easier! but it takes waaay longer than you would ever think. I'm sorry you only get 3 months mat leave.. the US maternity situation is rough. Hope your fertility journey isn't a total sh*t show.

[@jasmint3207]

I think having kids and the stress brings out all the parents' issues. It can literally be triggering. So it's important to work on yourself and heal as much as you can beforehand, for example in therapy.

[@cariiinen]

For sure! The sleep deprivation, lack of time for self care and constant sense of being urgently needed are very challenging. Getting to know one self before having kids is great advice

[@TheJaninzo]

I'm a parent with some OCD tendencies. I have learned to be a lot calmer about sitting on the floor (at home) and touching dirt outside with my 2yo. He's also a good sport about washing his hands and sometimes taking midday showers when he gets too dirty for mommy 😅 Cleaning can be part of the fun ❤

[@bethj1295]

I am by no means suggesting everyone should be a parent or that people without kids can’t possibly know themselves or whether or not they want/are equipped to be parents, but I will see that parenthood was entirely different than I expected. Things I thought would be huge challenges have not been, the biggest changes have been things I never anticipated or imagined. I too always thought I needed a ton of sleep. I had seizures as a kid and lack of sleep was a huge trigger. I didn’t feel like I could be productive at all if I had less than 7 straight hours. Turns out I can run just fine on four. Not forever, but for a few months until the kids started sleeping longer stretches. What I did not anticipate is how challenging and impatient I’d feel to like, have to explain my thoughts because I was so overwhelmed with all the small but urgent tasks that are needed to keep a small human alive. I don’t want to say you cannot or shouldn’t try to prepare to be a parent; rather if you want to have kids you need to go in with the mindset it’s a whole new world and you just have to be comfortable with the fact that you have no idea what it will be like or how you will handle it. If you can’t live with that amount of ambiguity, then definitely pause on kids. But if you are worried about something specific, I mean maybe that’ll be a problem maybe it won’t.

[@PerksJ]

I’m 22 weeks pregnant with twins. Granted, my partner and I are trans and we did IUI which has a higher rate of twins but still, it was not expected lol. But hey, at least I can transition without worrying that I’d want a second kid and put off top surgery (cause formula is effing expensive).

[@グーブラ]

I never thought I'd find love because people care more about their pets than people and I'm deathly allergic to fur animals LOL Thankfully I found someone who I can get a snake with

[@cariiinen]

I'm sensitive to noise and can confirm that earplugs are very helpful to stay regulated while looking after an upset baby. My child is 16 months, and I still use them sometimes.

[@kyliestokes2850]

As someone who grew up with multiple dogs and is not a dog person, I am here to say Gabe’s logic that if you grow up around dogs you will like them is flawed and definitely worked out opposite for me

[@mackenziewesten8506]

Woah Gabe, your voice got so deep! Haven’t watched you guys in a minute- such a big change :)

[@TheKelliestKelly]

I think you'd both be great parents if you decided to go for it

[@darcio90]

OK, but the are you f*cking kidding me is my life. Preface, I am happily married to a new husband with a 3rd child. I had twins and was left by their dad. Single MOM. Anyways, I don't think anything really prepares you for parenthood. It is more about putting aside your needs and wants for another human and it is not for those who can't realize that kids will not make them happy, but it is essentially fulfilling in a broader and more purposeful way. Living for the sake of living is parenthood.

[@sophiaisabelle027]

We appreciate your insights. You'll always have our support.

[@alissa6380]

Allison don't worry, i think twins are influenced by the egg, not the sperm, ergo John has no say over that 👌

[@soccerbopper124]

loved this. thank you for fixing the audio ❤️

[@geosndrsn]

love gabe's glasses

[@LilySaintSin]

Alison's like the female Larry David.

[@AmeliaBell28]

I'm very much not at a point in my life where I would have kids so I've tried to take the pressure to "decide" off, but whenever someone brings it up I tell them I don't think I should have kids because I wouldn't know what to do if I had a boy. And as soon as I say that, people are like "oh yeah, if that's how you feel definitely don't." But I'm allowing space for that to change as I get older! All I know right now is I don't want kids right now, and that's all that matters today. Also, strongly agree with Allison that being chosen by an animal feels better than being chosen by a kid 😂

[@Alenajellybeans]

i’m afraid of having a child with a difficult temperament, and also of the loud sounds. I might have to just wear earplugs all the time. 😅 I kind of hope my child IS autistic because then I might understand them better.

[@music4life813]

When you become a parent, you just change. As someone with serious sensory issues: You learn more patience, you become less sensitive to sounds, you don’t gag as much at smells. It’s extreme exposure therapy.

[@slpp9167]

Honest question: do the little microphones in your hands even do anything? Cause the audio is terrible these days I'm so sorry

[@sairathi]

okay but are you even using those mics (I love you guys)

[@boydstephensmithjr]

Great socks, Gabe.

[@joeyoung431]

Potentially incisive test to see if you're ready for parenthood: can you cope with that all-white decor getting spotty?

[@BrigitteLynley]

I am a parent to an over 1 year old and can confirm I wear noise canceling headphones most of my waking hours.

[@granddpa]

you would be super parents.

[@abbyz13]

Imagine Alison wet-wiping the kid’s hands and feet every single time they enter and leave the house like she did with Sugar 😂 big nopety nope no!

[@alexluterbach2797]

Aw man, hearing you talk about parenting in America is just so sad for me. Three months and it’s back to work, your baby will just be starting to smile and look around and reach for things. 😢

[@sseriksson4076]

I grew up around dogs and I'm scared of dogs and don't want one at all 🙃

[@sseriksson4076]

Clarification: they were lovely dogs and I loved them. But they're gone now and I don't like any OTHER dogs.

[@michanonymous]

First! Edit: as my beautiful wife Katya says.. first is not it

[@vedv2806]

first is always it ; )

[@evoltaocao5078]

no lol

[@MultiMel0]

My instant reaction was NO!! Please don’t ever have children! But realistically the people you present as online is not at all who you really are and I’m sure both of you are actually much more reasonable healthy adults then you present here…. But then I watched the video and was like actually maybe please don’t again lol. I wish Alison had covered relationship ocd and how that might impact her child. I remember a time when she would obsess over whether sugar loved her and was happy and I’d love to hear more about if that’s something that could come up with a child but you’d have to self regulate much better etc. I also wish you’d talked more about Gabes point about partners. You should do an ep about how to know if your partner would be a good parent

[@hare64]

Wow why so judgy? They are capable and intelligent? Yes they are not perfect but pleaase who is. One thing i know for sure atleast is they would really try their best which is more than most parents do. Edit: SO SORRY for the women part. Im a long time follower so i guess it was a habit.My bad! ill keep it neutral so stuff like this doesnt happen again.

[@MustBeM]

@@hare64 Gabe is not a woman.

[@MultiMel0]

@@hare64 I didn’t mean to be judgy, but I guess I grew up with emotionally immature parents which is how Allison and Gabe present themselves for comedic effect online. That’s what I was trying to get at, we don’t really know them just this one side that they purposefully don’t self regulate because it wouldn’t be funny. So it’s just the knee jerk reaction to the jokes

[@abbyz13]

@@MultiMel0at first I thought your comment was judgmental too, but really I think we think that bc it’s so normalized that any parent is good just bc they’re a parent. Not everyone should or can be a capable parent. We have too many mental health crisis issues now because so many adults were neglected in a multitude of ways…people SHOULD be more picky about whether or not they involve an innocent kid in their mental issues. I know I wouldn’t be a good parent right now, and my mom shouldn’t have been at all.

[@bilibili68]

honestly, just the fact that they are willing to evaluate themselves and ask "would I be a good parent" probably means that they'll be better parents than at least half of all parents out there. Most people just have kids without putting any thought into how it might challenge them or how they will raise those kids. They go into it with unrealistic expectations and end up being miserable and therefore bad parents. Allison or Gabe might not be the best parents, and might struggle with certain aspects of parenthood, but no one can say that they will be irresponsible or bad parents.

[@mariemaier5630]

So you want to be picked by an animal but at the same time you are the person animals need to be saved from. Visit any local animal farm sanctuary listen to the horrible conditions those animals come from

[@dsalazarm]

i can't believe allison doesn't think she's autistic but thinks noise cancelling headphones alone would allow her to parent 😂😅 stigma is wild

[@jclyntoledo]

You can be sensitive to sensory stuff and not be autistic. There's more to being autistic. The more you know 🌈

[@cornbone]

you can have sensory issues without having autism. and implying that the reason allison doesn't think she's autistic is because she has a negative view of autism is extremely out of line. you don't even know her. you are way too overconfident in your armchair diagnosis of a stranger

[@kaemincha]

tired of people thinking sensory issues are solely an autism thing 💀 it can be connected to so many other things!!!!

[@brittc18]

Please don’t.

[@ClarkS963]

Don't have to watch to answer for you - no. Not ready for that level of commitment to someone else. Sorry.

[@niastohr3899]

What?????

[@ClarkS963]

If kids ask if you are a kid...then you aren't ready to be a parent.