Writing better scene description

[@SmokeShadowStories]

I love observing the screenwriting process of someone who knows what they are doing. Your three short videos here are not only educational, but inspiring. They are worth dozens of the kind that simply regurgitate the same abstract concepts but do not address the writing itself. Thank you.

[@ohmydisco]

This is amazing. I've taken so many script classes, and this is the first time hearing of INTERCUT. Thank you. :')

[@jordicapoamigo]

So true. This is a great lesson! I made a video about writing phone calls in screenplays. Check it out: kzbin.info/www/bejne/haLKqYRmj9FpfZI

[@SpecialK6910]

15 years ago!? Honestly this has been one of the more helpful videos I've watched on the subject on headers and what not. Im no English major or anything, but very recently I have been enthralled with wanting to learn the screen writing process to tell my own story one day. I've read and watched many helpful titles on the subject, but this video in particular has taught me more than many 20 minute and longer videos. Im just surprised the algorithm caught up. You deserved more views and likes throughout this time.

[@nortse.production143]

i just say wow after watching this wonderful screen writing lecture. this is the best thing i have seen today: i am totally happy

[@godzeno]

This is Screenwriting Goldmine! Onto the next one!

[@johnaugust]

To end intercutting, I generally just wrote END INTERCUTTING. But if you've clearly moved on to a new location, you don't necessarily need it.

[@clinton7846]

John August I’ll keep that in mind.

[@Life-Row-Toll]

Love this lesson. I somehow find my way back to it ever so often. Helps me keeps my writing on track and focused.

[@ieatstheinternet]

I was surprised how in depth scene description is in Superbad. I always assumed it was mostly improve and direction. While there is some of that, the writers really go above and beyond to set the stage, tone, and punchlines. What a great script.

[@johnaugust]

V.O. stands for voiceover. We hear him even though he is not in the same location.

[@sebastiankatis9505]

wouldn't it be O.S?

[@TJ-xq7xf]

Yes it would, and since the scene becomes an intercut at that point, it shouldn't be off screen anyway.

[@savagenovelist2983]

Does anybody have a list of all of these (regarding what types of dialogue you can have) that I can use? I’m working on something and I’m new. I want to get the jargon right so I don’t waste the majority of editing just changing all of those to what I was actually imagining.

[@okcomputer0101]

John August scripting like a BOSS y'all!

[@ChristinaI]

This video was assigned by a professor. It helped me see there is a difference between being too wordy in scene descriptions (i.e., telling the directors and actors what to do) and not providing enough description. Such a fine line to walk. Or write, as the case may be.

[@tiko545]

wow I would so much appreciate another rewrite! so many helpful insights!! thank you!

[@lajathanlife]

for two weeks in a row my screenwriting tutor kept mentioning this example, it is a great exercise, Time for a rewrite.

[@daniellike5pie777]

2:22 just because you don't know it is doesn't mean you can change it. A satchel and toolbox are completely different things that couple potentially change the entire scene

[@coppertreefilms]

Thanks John. Keep them coming if you have the time.

[@natedoggg2002]

I Love your videos! Very helpful and educational! Thank you again for doing this!

[@dariap2099]

That was so helpful!! Please never stop making those videos.

[@alexmoran9506]

V useful. I've been taught another thing about this, which is that it needs to in the perfect present tense when you can: 'Phil watches live video' instead of 'Phil is watching live video'. It's slightly more economic and makes the piece have a smoother flow and feel more 'present'.

[@IRONPOD]

there was so much to learn in that short video. Thank you

[@DixonSteel]

What a great idea, John. Thanks for this.

[@mediaplanetnepal9931]

Hello, and Thanks from Nepal. Very very educatinal video for aspiring writers like us. This felt for me like hands on training really insightful. JUST ONE REQUEST- PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE AND MORE VIDEOS ON SCREENWRITING. John, LOTS OF THANKS.

[@carolcumming4389]

Thanks. Very clear tuition and much more dynamic now.

[@HOMEgrownALIENS]

Please John do more of these videos. They are amazing!!!

[@TheCallMeJay]

This helped me out a lot. Thank you!

[@FalconFordXR]

Thank you very much for the upload, John. I am working on my first screenplay just now and am busting my ass. It's 4am in the morning and have been writing for three hours on top of two hours studying. It gets very hard on the eyes. Might have to buy some glasses.

[@johnyvarghese773]

Get enough sleep bro, otherwise it will affect your creativity

[@Savi-digital]

Take a break, get some sleep and try it again in 1-2 days, don't keep working at it, you will overwork yourself. you're not in a rush to get it done, or else you will make many mistakes in your script.

[@walidovitchwalid8592]

wow amazing

[@MsHannahBecca]

I bet the one dislike is from the guy who wrote the original scene

[@abrahamcallard4569]

also you should use "Phil watches" instead of "Phil is watching"

[@bt10ant]

Right. Active vs passive voice.

[@bjornlundgren4756]

No, both are active voice.

[@bt10ant]

@@bjornlundgren4756 Either way, "Phil is watching" adds an extra word and extra space next to the word. When you are trying to maintain a 100 page selling/spec script, anything you can trim is advisable.

[@peterts9311]

@@bjornlundgren4756 "Phil is watching X": X is the subject and Phil is just sitting there, passively. "Phil watches X": Phil is the subject, doing something. Activity is DOING things (e.g., "Phil watches") not BEING things ("Phil is watching...")

[@TiffanyNg100]

This is amazing! Please keep doing it! I subscribed and put bell on and looking forward for your new video update

[@PhilSNight]

Righteous! Please do more of these!

[@MBS1995]

JOHN THANK YOU FOR MAKING THESE VIDEOS, I KNOW YOU'VE REFFERED US TO YOUR WEBSITE FOR MORE DETAIL BUT I THINK MANY OF US WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE "VISUAL" RATHER THAN JUST THE TEXT, WE NEED MORE VIDEOS LIKE THE THREE YOU'VE MADE EXPLAINING AND FIXING PROBLEMS THAT IS COMMON FOR ASPIRING SCREENWRITERS.... IS IT POSSIBLE YOU COULD DO MORE VIDEOS SOME TIME SOON? I KNOW THE THREE YOU'VE MADE ARE 5 YEARS OLD HOPEFULLY YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON THIS!! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!

[@xxoxia]

MBS1995 I agree. I'm always waiting on more videos from John, as well.

[@manicallydepressedclown8064]

Caps please

[@eXcommunicate1979]

@MadMidgetPro It is understood. The reason you use "INTERCUT" is so you don't have to keep using the long-form header. Instead of INTERCUT, another option would be to use a short-form header: BACKSTAGE HOTEL ROOM BACKSTAGE etc.

[@pawanupadhyay6853]

Love From India❤️

[@malnealon]

I would liked to have a comment before John did the rewrite pointing out that there were three named characters (Mike, Phil and Dan) but that the third was a possible error since there is no mention of him elsewhere in the scene other than that Phil is watching HIS feed (not that of Mike). Pointing out that this is confusing to a reader might be overkill, but worth mentioning I think.

[@Boskn81]

thanks man for tutorial. We want more of these

[@fcpo-video]

I for one, *love* the AC dialogue

[@ram9ram]

Very useful!! Thanks! Would love to have more...

[@sohaila0007]

Very informative and taught easily. Thank you. I was editing my script from many years ego, from the time where we only had house phones,, and we send each other letters, and, I come through this great video. I felt like I was in a screen writing class, but instead of driving to school, and leaving my dog behind,, and make him upset, I realize I better not mess with him because he might slap me, so, I stay home, and we sit comfortably on my sofa on a Tuesday afternoon with sun glowing through the windows and cool breeze coming through. I learn from this amazing video. P.s. I like to know how would you rate and write this. Thanks.

[@televisionsavant]

Incredibly insightful! Thanks so much for posting this. Please continue to make more how-to video's like this. I would love to see a Dialogue one, as you mentioned in this video that you're Mike dialogue could have been better but this was about scene description.

[@markrodriguez9442]

Great writing example.

[@jlonack1041]

I just love you! Thank you thank you thank you "we're not idiots..." 😆

[@rubyslippers488]

Thanks for doing this! Great idea!

[@RSEFX]

Ah, very good. Providing a smooth-read is far more important today than it used to be decades ago. Nicely done. But, being a bit picky:: "Satchel" is a very common word. Its not very much like a toolbox at all, it's more like a tote, a soft bag, the straps of which you'd sling over your shoulder/which you'd use to carry clothes or something like that. It might've been a good idea to mention at the outset that you know that the satchel is full of tools since you've read the rest of the script, and know that "toolbox" is more appropriate within the context of the scene. Good tips though, and a much smoother read. Thanks.

[@DylanPerryFeatureAnimation]

More of these please!!!!!

[@pawanupadhyay6853]

Please make more lesson.

[@RJHEllis]

INTERCUT!!! i was always wondering how to script that, thank you very much

[@DaaviKuparitanner]

More these, please!

[@BrianSmithNow]

Very helpful post. Thanks for sharing.

[@Savi-digital]

GREAT VIDEO!!!! HELPS.

[@VikasPatelComedy]

Very Good John. Looking for your books, if any.

[@circleofattention6021]

These videos are awesome! I learned that if the character doesn't have any lines we don't capitalize his name. Why did you decide to capitalize stage crew and dancers?

[@nimaamiry6303]

Thank you so fucking much for these John! Keep em coming

[@happyaboutme]

Nice rewrite, but shouldn't this V.O. be O.S. since Phil is actually present in the scene?

[@Savi-digital]

If it's O.S that means he is NOT in the scene.

[@キラキラくりくり頭]

​@@Savi-digitalO.S. is just "off screen" isn't it? i.e. IN the scene, not in shot.

[@FernandaTapiaComedy]

Love this!! Thank you!!

[@MosemeMorapeli]

Awesome, very nice!

[@alyasoliman1986]

That was helpful, thank you.

[@howardkoor2796]

Very helpful. Thank you.

[@eXcommunicate1979]

@happyaboutme Actually, in my opinion, it should be neither, as using "INTERCUT" is telling the director to shoot and edit the scene however he or she wishes. It is true that the director will shoot and edit the entire script as he or she wishes anyway, but by using INTERCUT the writer is giving express permission to do so. ;)

[@simgingergirl]

2:23 A satchel is a bag that you carry over your shoulder...

[@Marcaureleotto]

It's like there's too few words in English, but actually it's not true. Only too many people simply doesn't care. Isn't that a bad thing for writers?

[@rdoetjes]

I also was amazed that a self proclaimed writer (native English speaking even!) doesn't know what a satchel is. Also a satchel could have a very specific requirement in one the scenes, if for example the protagonist (Mike) needs to climb in the airvent. Then you do not want a bulky heavy toolbox but a mere satchel with the tools you need.

[@ocubex]

John August isn't a "self proclaimed writer", he is a writer with actual film credits which include - 'Big Fish', 'Charlie's Angels' and 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'. No need for name calling to make a point. BTW - I think his point is valid even if he doesn't know what a satchel is. www.imdb.com/name/nm0041864/?ref_=nv_sr_2

[@Mister.Psychology]

He knows what a satchel is. The point was to make the script more easy to read. That's it. The guy is a writer. He knows more words than 99% of the population.

[@t.n.jtinja4641]

Addy C: exactly

[@Omnicient.]

If it were me I'd add Hotel next to Backstage as backstage could be anywhere. I'd also ditch 'large' as in large toolbox and I'd avoid 'Intercut' as directors are narcissistic and will stamp their foot saying its up to them and the editor to intercut or not. I'd also avoid describing people like hotel receptionists or mailmen as being in their 30s and/or having moustaches etc as again takes over the ground that is more often down to the director and/or casting agents.

[@alangeorge1661]

You're good!

[@HonestArttsEntertainment]

great job

[@nqabayomuzikhulilekamangwe2690]

Thanks a lot

[@raymantisful]

Fuck this is helpful!

[@shubhamvaghasiya9300]

Who to write fast forward action scene in one scene?

[@minuscolochao1557]

more please

[@ddland45]

I have an opening scene sequence where I'm alternating between a scene in the distant past and a scene in the not so distant past to set up my Main Character in her present world. How do I 'INTERCUT' the two scenes? I establish both scenes(headers) in the beginning, then just type in 'INTERCUT/SCENE 1/SCENE 2 - NIGHT , and then type my scene descriptions for both with accompanying dialogue? How do you end such a sequence? A new scene header or END INTERCUT?

[@mariehall2990]

When doing a intercut between the past and the present first of all, who are the people in the past scene? if it is a younger version of someone, you would do YOUNG NAME. of course instead of name it would be what ever name you want it to be. Then write the action dialogue etc. then you intercut and put in the name normally

[@shanec9840]

Hi, John. Question: In this script, why wouldn't V.O. (voice over) be O.S. (off-screen)? Or is it because both guys are shown with intercuts? Please explain. Thanks!

[@johnaugust]

(O.S.) generally means the characters are in the same space, but we are deliberately not showing one. Here the characters are in different locations. You could easily use (ON RADIO) or something more specific. Clarity is all that matters.

[@cirquedude123]

Thank you so much

[@miaveranika30]

It should be O.S. right?

[@newfratcity]

All great points here. However, doesn't V.O. imply a "narrator"? The SCENE description already indicates Phil is talking through headset. Simply the parenthetical ( voice over headset) would be just as reasonable... Correct?

[@katerynacherniaieva5407]

could you make a video about how replace "wearing" for example "wearing a chicken outfit or wearing green leather gloves without fingers"

[@kevinqueen6246]

Would it be better to use 30 feet rather than 10 yrds?

[@razorpayne13]

Thanks for the correction...where can i find his work?..i like to read Screen Plays...

[@TheCharlesJackson]

I'm about 10 years late, but never too late!

[@thesimplisticseth]

Great advice, John! What software do you use for screenwriting?

[@jackochan]

If Mike and and Phil keep talking do you keep using "Intercut" between dialogue or is understood after using it once that each time the talk the scene is being cut back and forth?

[@demitraheath107]

how do i sit my sitcom up

[@HarpoonTA]

Should a scene shot inside a cave or deep in the earth be labled EXT or INT?

[@peblezQ]

If you are inside of a cave, it is interior. The exterior would be used if they were outside of the cave.

[@theadamdavisexperience]

Voice crack at 4:43

[@filmcrew5848]

Also, use action verbs. 👍🏽

[@nqabayomuzikhulilekamangwe2690]

But what if the backstage was supposed to be empty and he needed a satchel to avoid suspicion. Mike is not a handyman, headsets and satchel go well together for just a regular guy doing “regular things”

[@katerynacherniaieva5407]

thk a lot . keep doing

[@BizzlerTheSizzler]

What are you using to write this? Any specific program? Im writing my first short using Celtx and although it works, im not very familiar with formatting and was wondering if there is a better one.

[@klord9262]

perfect for homework

[@IanKementsetsidis]

Hello guys. That's a great video but I have one question. According to Christopher Riley's 'The Hollywood Standard' (page 74) ALL nonspeaking characters or extras should NOT be capitalized (even the first time they are being introduced). John capitalizes the DANCERS and the STAGE CREW. I know this is not of vital importance but I'd like to know anyway. Take care and good luck to all wannabe screenwriters.

[@BazColne]

Lipsmacking and saliva noises - how would they be rendered? Or were you ad-libbing?

[@kharmarose4193]

what does the V.O stand for after Phils name? Thanks :)

[@Savi-digital]

Voice over.

[@Lazarusrizing]

John, I have a question just to clarify. I'm not being sarcastic. How many scenes are on this page? I count 3. I ask because Dov S-S Simens counts 40-60 scenes in the average screenplay and he encourages his students to count scenes in their favorite films. I appreciate the time.

[@multigeekmedia]

Lazarusrizing This is actually all just one scene. There are a lot of scene HEADINGS, but not whole scenes. You can have many headings in one scene.

[@ddland45]

+multigeekmedia I'm far from an expert, but I counted TWO scenes; the hotel room and backstage. These are two separate locations thus, even though they are 'intercut' to allow for the two characters to interact, they are still in two separate, distinct places in the script with different, unrelated actions happening; Mike backstage interacting with the stage crew and Phil in his hotel room, perhaps ordering or eating takeout food, or flipping through a skin magazine while watching what Mike is doing.

[@multigeekmedia]

That's all continuous. Anything intercut is considered one single scene. What separates scenes is the difference in time. You wouldn't call a bank job in which one person is opening the safe and another is guarding the main floor two separate scenes, but once they are outside and running from the cops, that is a different scene within a larger heist sequence.

[@MrRyanNanni]

Dov Simmons is a charlatan and a hack - don’t worry about scene counts.

[@JayDouglas01]

I'd get rid of the passive "ing" verbs, but that might just be me. 🙂

[@Submersed24]

Damn way to just cut to the chase with these things. I never went to school for screenwriting, so these things I'm never sure how to do (formatting)

[@Arthagnou]

make the reader, read down not accross.

[@gonzaloleon-gelpi9776]

Yes, the changes definitely make the writing better but it also doubles the amount of space that it takes up. So, a one-hundred-page screenplay would turn into a two-hundred-page screenplay.

[@bennorman5212]

You don't know what a satchel is???

[@shanec9840]

You want to use common words and not sound like you're trying to be smart or picking words from a thesaurus. I see his point. If you can just say 'toolbox' why wouldn't you?

[@joeygonzo]

Shane, do you carry a toolbox over your shoulder ? He was carrying a satchel over his shoulder.

[@deniellevalentin345]

Thankss man section euclid may see this.

[@eitmrnbiwbo]

video is 11 years old but didn't disapoint at all

[@BrandonNinja]

I disagree with the part about what the character is "wearing" Everything else I agree with.

[@IanKementsetsidis]

@iamluizangel Please reread what I've written -- I wasn't questioning August's ability. Jeezus with comments and shit...

[@jacksonwalzel7573]

First, take out "is" and any helping verbs and show the action-->Phil watches live video, not is watching! The basic show, don't tell-->ALWAYS SHOW the action happening. Next, if the added dialogue doesn't fit with the fictional objective of the person in the scene or the overall plot point, it should be cut. I'm not sure the added, "I will get the A.C. running" meets that criteria. It's fluff dialogue that serves no purpose in moving the story forward.

[@BrandonNinja]

@Jackson Walzel I disagree there's nothing wrong with writing "is"

[@DareToWonder]

WTF, u NEVER use present partciple verbs, no ING verb.