You Don't Understand Swedes (with

[@sayitinswedish]

Check out our second video over at @FunSwedish's channel! Things Swedes find Annoying or Rude ---> kzbin.info/www/bejne/aqTTdoNql5iop6c

[@FunSwedish]

Great idea 😁

[@oscarmedina9669]

Regarding Swede behaviour, in Spanish, we have actually an expression, which is "hacerse el sueco", like "to Swede oneself up". This expression is used to define the attitude in which you try to avoid conflict or try to pretend nothing happens or even like nothing was said. I also remember that many people would be passive-aggressive when they didn't like or disapprove something. I know not everybody is this way, but at least in Stockholm was like a common thing to see. Other than that, I think Swedish people are quite chilling

[@F0nkyNinja]

yes they are very chilling and scary

[@evaflug]

Is Stockholm really Sweden? 🤔😃

[@crestfallenraven]

OMG the Swede interaction I had in Hawai'i, as an American Mainlander (white), was indeed chilling. What a sad way to see life and other people. Cruel. Distancing. Awful, nonempathetic people.

[@languageishard]

I grew up in Minnesota, US and many people are of Swedish, Norwegian, and Finnish decent and I can see many of these things in the culture there too. When I was growing up, it was really normal for parents to let a kid bring a friend over, but would often tell them the friend had to leave before dinner. We also love a good passive aggressive note.

[@GratDuForloradeArgumentet]

Lmao. But the whole thing with leave before dinner is usually out of respect. Cause usually your family, or your friends family has also made food at eat at around like 5 PM, so it's like a respect thing. If the kids eat then they won't be hungry at home when their family has prepared food. It was like that for me at least growing up - also very different depending on who's friend you were at, some asked if you wanted to eat and usually I turned it down cause I was going home for dinner anyway. It's not like it's out of spite because you cannot afford food, lmao 🤣 Maybe for some poor ones it is, but generally not.. and when we got to be like 13-14 we made our own food a lot of the times if you were at a friends place.. me and my friends used to make all sorts of things, like meat-stews and stuff, sometimes even nachos with cheese.. Bottom line is basically - like the Japanese - Swedes are a very polite people generally. Respectful and that's where most things come from. You stand in line, you respect other peoples space, you don't commit crime, you don't talk loudly and disturb others.. you respect people. hence the crash with a lot of migrants who have come here mind you.

[@okay6353]

As an American, I've never not been offered food of some sort when visiting someone's home. As a teenager, I often just opened my friends' pantries and grabbed what I knew was available to me, and vice versa. We don't really worry about paying the "debt" back because we know the friend will behave the same way when visiting us. As for speaking in public, I wonder how that changes geographically in Sweden. I know that Americans are generally more talkative, but it varies an insane amount throughout different regions. People on the Eastcoast don't talk to each other at all, but here in the South we share our life stories with cashiers.

[@sayitinswedish]

The north of Sweden is the least talkative.

[@lennybustratt7024]

Where I'm from (I'm from Jämtland), it's considered rude not to say hi if you have eye contact. Also, if you don't want something special like help or so, don't just approach people, that's considered awkward. We're not rude, we just want our space. Also, found this now, you guys are awesome!

[@ryanhammonds5146]

This is good to know since I have a child. When I grew up we had the concept of the "Kool-Aid House." It was that house where all the kids on the block would end up while playing on the weekends, and they always had a lot to drink and eat. And they didn't seem to mind. Though it definitely was never expected.

[@sayitinswedish]

That's super interesting!

[@Anja.-_]

Since I'm following both of you, I really love that combo - Tack så mycket 😀

[@SkyCloudSilence]

Thanks for combining forces! My two favorite Swedish channels 😊

[@stormmaster108]

Åh, det där exemplet av fem istället tio vänner är så trevligt. Jag älskar Sverige mer med varje detalj ❤❤❤

[@MDobri-sy1ce]

I have two Swedish friends and one Finnish, I kind of learned and accepted that is just how they are. I kind of give them there space and only communicate less frequently and important. On the other side of the spectrum, like, some not all but Germans and West and East Slavs (myself included), I have interacted with are more bold and up front. I used to hate this when, i was younger but an admired quality as, I got older. No beating around the bush.For example, I had a Swede following me in the comment section so, I told him with some pressure, Unless, you have anything constructive to say, could you please stop following me in the comment section! Or another one. He was going on how, Swedes don't care for each other, want to be by themselves, and his friends don't want to talk to him. Well, if it didn't workout for you sorry, but that is not my experience and second, I think the majority of people get more sedentary as they get older.

[@evaflug]

I think life is so much easier when someone is up-front, whether it pleases me or not what they have to say: At least I know where I stand with that person. On the other hand, it is so very interesting to discuss these matters and it's just wonderful that we still have so much variety on mother earth 🥰

[@erexford]

What a great discussion! This info will save many American/Swedish relationships.

[@sayitinswedish]

Let's hope so!

[@rykterskamroyals2121]

Very interesting! Thanks for the video!!

[@DroggelB]

Cool collaboration! ❤

[@crestfallenraven]

OMG, I live in Hawai'i, and I was at the beach (a fellow white guy -- since I know Swedes and the eugenic argument is a thing), and I said hello randomly to a young Swede (as it turned out) and his 2 lady friends who were visiting ... just to be nice. I asked "How's your trip going?" He said, "Good, until now." I was shocked and stunned and didn't know what to do... and just walked away and cried. It haunts me to this day.

[@crestfallenraven]

With your explanations, it makes more sense. And it makes me NEVER wish to visit Sweden. What a horrible, distant, divisive social dynamic.

[@sayitinswedish]

@@crestfallenraven no that was just rude and not what this video was about

[@karthikrsharma8327]

​@@crestfallenravenI am not a Swede but just by reading, I wouldn't be able to guess the intention of the dude. He might just be rude or, I think I would have replied the exact same way. By saying that I would mean, I know that my vacation has been great until now, but it might turn bad ,maybe due to bad weather, not because of you. I hate speculating about the future. English isn't my first language so who knows.

[@crestfallenraven]

@@karthikrsharma8327 Oh! I didn’t even think about that! Wow. Maybe that is actually what he meant. Thank you!!

[@512spartan]

It is very enjoyable to watch you both discussing together! It is also nice to watch such videos in an effort to understand cultural differences. For example, in Greece, it is almost sure that if someone visit you, you will have lunch or dinner or whatever together without any thought of need to return the "favor". In every case i find quite admirable the sense of discreet courtesy that Swedes posses.

[@erexford]

I agree! It was fun watching the two of you interact!

[@cathleenmoore9605]

How do you meet new people if you can’t speak to people you don’t know???

[@kumaranvij]

It sounds sort of lonely and frustrating. Loosen up Swedes; I know you can do it.

[@patriciamartin6756]

I have a Swedish LTR. We live in America. He is also hesitant to accept food from other people, and when they offer it ; he doesn't like confrontation either Recently though, this became a real problem. He had been critically ill and against my advise, when I told him not to take a bath unless I was there, for safety reasons, he did it anyway. Something told me to check on him, I found him floating face down in thr water. I hauled him out and asked him why he didn't ask for help; he said it would have been rude to bother me. During his illness, he couldn't eat, as a result, he lost 40 pounds and looked awful. When he could eat, he didn't have enough money to eat, so I went out shopping and bought a ton of food that would make him stronger. I cooked enough for 5 people, but he wouldn't eat, he said he didn't want to take my food it would be rude. The first time since I knew him, I got mad. I told him I would be even more offended if he didn't eat and wouldn't quit nagging him until he ate. He finally did but he's so stubborn. Another problem is that as long as I have known him, he just doesn't like small talk, especially in the morning. He is still not well, so it makes it difficult to remind him about his doctors appointments, people to call, etc. We finally decided that he would be OK if I texted him from the next room.

[@interiordesignhows7569]

Adding on - about the shyness and fear of conflict bit. So, just around the corner from my apartment is an elderly care home. The best part is that it resides on a steep incline hill. Needless to say, it poses a challenge for the seniors that are able to get around the city in their wheelchairs or walkers. A couple of times, I have seen locals just walking past the seniors, and it is obvious they are struggling to row up the hill on the wheelchairs (and even going downhill cos the pavement has potholes and slants towards the road (for drainage). I have helped a couple of the seniors by just bringing them to the train station and the supermarket, and they are very grateful (cos it will probably take them a lot of time to get around it). I was told that Swedes are shy and that seniors do not want to be seen as "disabled" for asking for help. It is not because of safety (stranger danger concerns). Frankly, it never crossed my mind, - if I am on crutches, I will ask for help. So, why is it so that the locals do not offer assistance?

[@sayitinswedish]

Like we say in this video, we assume that others know what they are doing and don't want to interfere in their daily life. For instance, not all people needing help will accept it and might even get offended.

[@interiordesignhows7569]

@@sayitinswedish Fair enough, to each its own. Well, I think in other cultures, getting offended just because someone approaches to provide assistance does not resonate. I think most would think the action would be an act of kindness or we are just harder to offend. heh.

[@tobiasadam8320]

I subscribed to both of you! What a surprise. Enjoyed the video - and yes, I can relate to the elevator problem :D

[@georgecornwellv1130]

This was great because I watch both channels. I’m really nervous about going to Sweden because I wanted to make a friend or two since it is an extended stay. Table for 1 , please.

[@evaflug]

No need to be nervous, Gerorge, just be yourself and open-minded when you meet swedish people. There is - in my opinion - a big gap in mentality, though, between the Stockholm area and the south of Sweden where people are very easy to talk to.

[@georgecornwellv1130]

@@evaflug thank you, I appreciate it, I’m really looking forward to it

[@ivanpanajotovic9669]

Enjoyed soo much ❤️❤️❤️

[@patriciamartin6756]

Another funny thing is that my LTR and his friends from Sweden speak perfect English. I also have a friend whose family came from Sweden but lived in the country in Minnesota and homeschooling her and spoke mostly Swedish at home. My LTR met her and was surprised because she has a real Swedish accent, enough that it was hindering her at getting a job. Now my LTR is helping her learn to speak English better.

[@cd4429]

Sorry for the annoying Americans. We get a bit lost sometimes and we enjoy small talk. :)

[@AndrewKendall71]

The only rude thing I have encountered that was actually intended as rude was a Swede in H10 cafe in Visby who rolled his eyes at me being from Texas. I wasn't loud, I wasn't brash, and I was actually answering a question of where we were visiting from and not just volunteering to talk about myself. But that was only one person in a whole vacation.

[@amnbvcxz8650]

So, turns out i’m culturally ‘Swedish’ without being one. Im just a socially anxious introvert who hates awkward ambiguous social situations and tends to have a cold facial expression😂 and i hate Tacksamhetsskuld or asking for help more than ever, so uncomfortable and awkward.

[@anapacelli8069]

Personally, and as strange as it may appear, I find this behavior or should I say cultural perspective most appealing. I am an American but this aspect of Swedish culture suits me perfectly.

[@_Dezman]

Nice collab! 🙂 First several points I totally don't agree with. Swedes are very loud (at least under age of 40). 70% of all people are talking on the phone (wireless headset) when they are outside or in the the bus/pendeltåg (often pretty loud again). Many of them do not care about your personal space at all, they are very self-important. Based on my experience of living in Stockholm.

[@sayitinswedish]

Talking on the phone is totally an exception because the outside world disappears when you do! So agree with you. Also Stockholm is a "big" city, "big" cities always stand out a little bit. BUT, Stockholm is definitely quieter than other big cities, in terms of how people talk to each other. If you get American tourists walking through you can definitely spot the difference.

[@marioskomnos4661]

Haha such a wonderful culture which I'd like to try living with your "rules". So different from ours (Greek). All that you describe sounds like foreign language to me but interesting at the same time. I don't believe Swedes are rude, just different culture. What is "normal" to us can be "rude" as well to you. It's until you adapt on it. 🙂

[@ibo5634]

Swedes may not like small talk but I was definitely greeted by Hej more often than I had expected. Neighbors, fellow joggers, store clerks...

[@sayitinswedish]

Oh we do love a hej.

[@TaylorAP13]

This is so weird. I am an American born and raised. My family has Swedish ancestry and I have family how are native Swedes. I have always felt awkward asking for or eating at a friends house. I generally will eat before or plan to eat after. Even when my gf and I were together (for 5 years mind you) and I was close to her family I would choose not to eat. I think I ate at her parents house less than 10 times. Only places I will eat without hesitation are my parents or if they pay for dinner. Or I will also eat if I go with a group of people to a restaurant where I pay for my portion, but if it's someone's house and they made food for everyone, I will more often than not choose to not eat. My mom will often do the thing where she will eat a little to be polite. Is this hereditary? Lolol.

[@KandiKapricorn]

I always wonder how much get passed down in generations. My grandfather moved from Alingsas. I identify with the Swedish conduct more than anywhere else and kind of get offended when someone is too comfortable. I have also been accused of being cold. Its odd.

[@evaflug]

😂It's superweird *not* to feed kids who play with your kids, but to make them wait in an adjacent room . Whaaaat? I heard this once and just refused to believe it was true 😅 I was assured, however, that it had happened. I have lived in Sweden for 15 months now and I have a tip for those who don't like to be talked to in English: Just pretend you don't understand/speak English. In case they already know it isn't true, start talking in another language as soon as they address you in English. When I came here and someone wouldn't stop talking to me in English, I answered in French, everytime he did this. That put a stop to it. Swedish people are extraordinarily friendly, I would say, and they also like to talk to strangers - even on the street. In my opinion they are not blunt or straightforward at all, though. On the contrary: They are overly "diplomatic" sometimes and I spoke to many migrants here who complain about Swedes being dishonest. I know exactly what they mean, but we - as strangers - have to educate ourselves about swedish mentality and then live with it .... although it's fun to provoke them from time to time and see, what happens🤪 Jag älskar Sverige! and the Swedes

[@sayitinswedish]

Like we say in the video. If it's personal, emotional etc. It can cause a conflict, hence the diplomacy or beating around the bush. 😁

[@Sabreen_]

Almost the same in Holland. Dutch kids know that we have to leave before dinner at a friends house because we are expected to be home at 6 PM to have dinner With our own family. But the plans can change and we need to call our parents when we have dinner With a friend and their family, if they invited us for dinner over there. It’s just not that common to do so. Unwritten rule to have dinner at your own house. And Yeah, Dutchies are also straight forward and stubborn. This tend to be rude according to other cultures. But it’s just our way to communicate efficiently.

[@lubomirvrana2158]

Kallprät eller dödprät.... nice, one thing I have in common with Swedes...I wish I could live there, I would fit in :)

[@kubyoindiya3269]

truuuuuuuuue. Swedes are master of avoiding conflict then you ask for their real opinion and all hell breaks loose 😂

[@karinaabdesselam5981]

I wish I’d known that before moving 😅

[@xaviermcgettigan8968]

Jag älskar både dina kanaler, tack för intressanta ämnen. Jag är Australiensk och det är helt normalt att säga "g'day" med förbipasserande på gatan, men jag håller med dig om bussen. Sitter inte när mig, jag vill lyssna på min podcast i frid!

[@xaviermcgettigan8968]

I'm still learning, probably a few mistakes in there, but I only used Google for "förbipasserande"

[@sayitinswedish]

Everything totally understandable. Brukar man säga "g'day" till folk på gatan i en STOR stad också?

[@xaviermcgettigan8968]

@@sayitinswedish tack så mycket! När jag levde i en stor stad, det var mindre g'days än den stad var jag lever nu. That's a good point!

[@GeneRauXxX]

I am going to try to speak with a Swede in the street 5 meters away, lets trt that give ‘em the space and talk :)

[@sayitinswedish]

Haha let me know how it goes ;)

[@GeneRauXxX]

@@sayitinswedish 😂

[@erexford]

I thought of another thing about Swedes : Children may address their teachers by the teacher’s first names! As a former teacher, this really shocks me because, in the US, this shows a lack of respect. I can’t even imagine it.

[@sayitinswedish]

We just don't show respect in that way. This is neutral to us. Respect is shown by having a polite way, not just by using random expressions to seem polite.

[@luxeford547]

That think about us Swedes don't like to be approached by strangers in the street? I'm not like that! But at the same time I'm that person looking out the peep hole in my door (I don't even know if other countries have peep holes?) and if a neighbour is outside waiting for the lift I go "damn it!" Now I have to wait for them to go down the lift before I can go out the door. Which is *so* stupid but most of us are like that.

[@erexford]

haha, this is funny. But, for you, it's not funny, I'm sure. . . it's uncomfortable.

[@fernandobautista4914]

Best video of the week!!

[@stephaniefogelvik4756]

3:30 I see this as a huge problem with modern Swedish society. This is not normal. Just listen to what is actually said here. Is this healthy for a society? No. And I don't think it has always been this way..... How did this even start?

[@sayitinswedish]

How is it a huge problem to want personal space? 🤔 And why is it "not normal"? Why do you feel that you have to live your life in a way that directly interferes with the life of others?

[@GrandpaTom]

I am wondering how Swedes would feel about street photography. Would people be upset for a photographer to take their picture on the street?

[@FinDi90]

So you have a Swedish word for "small talk". Finnish does not have a word for it. That's how little we like it. 😅

[@sayitinswedish]

Yeah Finland is the extreme version of Sweden. It is known 😂

[@eleveneleven572]

As a kid I had the desire to go to Sweden,I even did a whole school project on Sweden and got a load of info from the Swedish Embassy in the UK. I was, and am, a keen fisherman so that was initial attraction and I still have Swedish fishing tackle from the 60's that I still use. But over the years I've read that Swedes aren't easy to get to know, Bill Bryson wrote about how sour faced they could be when he travelled across Europe for his book. Even back on the 80's we had a group of customers from Sweden visit our company and they were hard work socially. And then there's the expense of holidaying there 😨

[@phreshkandy478]

I must have visited an alternative Sweden on a different planet then because I can honestly say not one Swedish person switched to English with me, not one person was rude to me or ignored me in the street, I found everybody in Stockholm very friendly, not rude at all. I had great small talk in shops aswell. I didn't experience any of the negative things you and others talked about. #confused

[@dodamig7544]

People from Stockholm is the od ones out they are more like that and part reasons why alot of sweds from the rest of Sweden dislikes them

[@chalupabrain4360]

I love this word, Tacksamhetsskuld, and I'm so glad I'[m starting to learn Swedish if only for this word. I've lived with this feeling all my life, with no word for it, and I'm from the USA. Now I have a word for it!

[@dominikakalinovvska]

Debt of gratitude ?

[@chalupabrain4360]

@@dominikakalinovvska technically yes, but listen to how they describe the situations. It's not so much gratitude as societal obligation, and it's awkward.

[@tommysellering4224]

Yes, the “debt” is something YOU feel yourself. No one will ever be expecting anyone to come to collect it. It is only in your own mind you feel it and it weighs heavy on your mind. That is if you are a person with a good sense of fairness, which most Swedish people are.

[@astridafklinteberg298]

So funny!!

[@maryannsandig11]

Please make a video about: How Swedish man normally shows when he decided to have serious relationship

[@mikp1995]

Jag ser det där temat är inte yppade

[@Daysra]

"tacksamhetsskuld" maps to "hutang budi" in Malaysian culture. Literally translates to "gratitude debt" like you said. It makes people not want to ask for favours because they do not want to be indebted. So I can relate with this. Still dont understand the not feeding guests thing though 😄.

[@mogret7451]

En sak jag har tänkt på är att det mycket oftare kommer fram folk och pratar med mig om jag är lite utanför stan och fotograferar då kommer det ofta fram folk och frågar om jag får några bra bilder. En gång kom det fram en lite äldre herre som pratade om fågelskådning i säkert 20 minuter eftersom jag fotograferade några svanar.

[@sayitinswedish]

Japp, det har hänt mig med. Men det gäller ofta äldre som har tappat alla hämningar ;D

[@mogret7451]

@@sayitinswedish Sant, aldrig nån under 60 som säger något. :D

[@zeinolabedinakhlaghi5875]

Excuses about Swedish gate aren't acceptable for me. It needs to be reform

[@sayitinswedish]

Let's reform your culture as well when we're at it! Probably needs a reform in Swedish eyes! Seriously though, just because you enterpret something in a certain way doesn't mean we do that the same way. It's important to understand the expectations.

[@kalthand]

Its just nothern and middle europe

[@alexandermckay8065]

I watched Stefan Thyron, who has a KZbin channel as an American, who actually lives in Sweden. He recently discusses this also and has actually seen a pattern for this socialization process for many years, while living and working around Stockholm and with Swedish people he knows. My wife is Swedish and she tells me it's who alot of Swedes are in their cultural aspects with people who they know and interact with in the country.

[@004x0]

They're also cheap liers

[@sayitinswedish]

Or not 🙃

[@doguskoyuncu5177]

I wish you will make more videos together. So we can learn many interesting things about Swedes. :)

[@PVflying]

What do swedes just turn around and walk away during a conversation?

[@sayitinswedish]

Unlikely

[@PVflying]

@@sayitinswedish sorry, I meant to write “why”! And yeah, they sure do 😢

[@HenryCrescini]

I spent a day in Malmö recently and I could speak Swedish and get responses in Swedish everywhere, except for a café where the young lady at the desk consequently kept speaking English with me despite the fact that I told her I wanted to speak only in Swedish. That was indeed annoying. I understand now that you're not used to hearing broken Swedish, but everyone else understood me well except for her. And when I said "två" she understood "to go" instead, so I guess she's not used to tending foreigners who speak her language and het ears are not accustomed to accents.

[@sayitinswedish]

Even if you told her? Well that's on her. Not cool!

[@evaflug]

The way she treated you says more about her limits than about your Swedish. A good question to ask in such cases: "hur länge har *du* varit i Sverige och varför kan du inte prata svenska?" Sometimes people have difficulties to switch to another language, though, or maybe she was from Danmark and shy about her accent 😅

[@HenryCrescini]

@@evaflug oh that's a good tip! I'll remember that one for my next trip to Sweden in December 😀

[@Sillysnake1977]

How Swedes don't really chat with strangers and having personal space kinda reminds me of how most Asians would behave. Almost like the Japanese. And in Singapore, we don't really chat with strangers.

[@soraiazaca]

I lived in difference countries and I think Swedes are not rude.

[@lyn1337]

aww

[@Fisva]

I don't want to judge the whole country, but the Swedes that I've met were the most hardhearted, spoiled, selfish, ignorant and know-it-all people I've ever met in my entire life.

[@sayitinswedish]

Maybe you're right, or maybe you interpret certain signals different than Swedes. That's why I'm making videos like this. If you know how people work before hand, you understand their actions better.

[@ekh1821]

I lived in Sweden for a year and a half. I came home via New York and I remember how amazed I was at how friendly all the New Yorkers were, compared to swedes😂 Still love them though!