YOU MIGHT BE AN ALCOHOLIC IF... | Ep. 1

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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked

[@bignoknow]

Friday seems like an ideal day to drop a vid on addiction I suppose. If you can relate to this video and are still out there "trying not to drink" then I am sending you courage and bravery this weekend. I believe in you and you don't have to get loaded this weekend even if you think you want to. I only have today and for that I am thankful. I was in some serious bondage as a drinker and man was it robing me of everything that truly matters to me.

[@eplayersclub40]

Thanks brother!

[@joer3501]

I felt this way when i had unlimited supply to adderall. I was annoyed if my 7 hour focus ride was disturbed by friends or family needing me or just wanting to talk to me

[@Savior57]

bignoknow "4 months and 28 days sober" that is actually 5 months Noah 😜 🤜🤛

[@ashleyaris8128]

Completely relate. I have liked to drink alone for almost ever. At first for convenience and safety, it's cheaper to drink at home and not drive. But then it also included isolating, not wanting to be judged and not wanting to share my beer. Thanks for sharing. Here's praying for a sober joyful weekend. 🤗

[@royalronan1418]

i guess I am kinda off topic but do anybody know a good place to stream newly released tv shows online?

[@levimajor8477]

@Royal Ronan Lately I have been using flixzone. Just google for it :)

[@charlesantonio8867]

@Royal Ronan try FlixZone. Just search on google for it :)

[@sobertoday511]

I RELATE. I drank that way. Good to know we relate. I went in an bought a red bull at my old Corner Liquor Store today. I felt so good being able to walk in there confident, grabbing my drink, and getting out. The shop owner's eyes popped open when she saw me and when I told her I quit drinking she said she assumed I was dead. She often used to refuse to serve me when I was drunk trying to buy more. I was happy to provide my sober patronage today. At times I get thoughts and urges but I know what to do when that happens. I can finally trust myself, what a relief! Only alcoholics really understand these things. My wife, for example, can't understand. So Thanks for sharing your story its good to relate.

[@christinag4968]

i totally relate. my relationship with alcohol is not normal either...

[@Thisjimmybailey]

I watched this video in March of 2020 and that night I quit drinking. I had a couple beers in the fridge and was planning to slam them to get rid of them. I poured them down the rain instead. I am now 4 years, 5 months and 2 days sober. Thank you!

[@bignoknow]

Wow….. that’s truly amazing. Thank you for sharing. I’m coming up on 1 year sober again. I hope I never catch you

[@cakesinthecity]

Please keep up the sobriety vids, helps me not feel lonely

[@hakjason]

I am going through your videos and they are really helping me. I have battled alcohol abuse, drugs, depression and now low T. I was sober 1.8 years as of recent.

[@sarria97]

These videos are so comforting to a recovering alcoholic like myself. Thank you 😊

[@taotaostrong]

Congratulations on your sobriety and on having the courage to share. I also applaud you for having the wisdom to kindly suggest that your viewers engage in self reflection rather than being accusatory. ❤️👸🏾

[@awake9749]

I can relate to this to some level with other substances. I'm not the most social person so spending a few hours with friends would be enough and I don't think it's necessary bad to end the night by yourself doing something you love and getting high or buzzed! The problem is when you evade all social contact because getting drunk alone every night is more fun! Look i enjoy behing lightly buzzed or tipsy when I'm in a social setting never fucked out of my mind I prefer to be home alone in that state! Congrats on 4 months :)

[@JustADoggoGirl]

Noah, you're a gift from God and He's using you to help so many people! I reallllly appreciate you and your content!

[@eplayersclub40]

I've been sober since September 20 2016 I realized I had a problem one day when I cleaned up empty whiskey bottles from under my bed that I accumulated in one week... 2 half gallon whiskey bottles, 3 750ml bottles and two pint sized bottles, I was embarrassed to pull these bottles out in front of my wife, little did I know, she had already seen this mess under the bed, it was at that point that I realized my out of control drinking was not at all the secret that I thought it was, in fact every one around me knew of my drinking problem... I also realized that it has been every day for over 15years that I have had a positive blood alcohol content over legal driving limits. I would drink in the middle of the night, just as normal people would have a glass of water on the night stand, I would have a bottle of liquor... even though I have not had a drink since September 20, 2016. I still get really bad alchohol cravings, mostly from watching people drink on TV or when celebrating coworkers try to convince me that it's only one drink...what they don't know is that I now know myself well enough to know that one drink is how it starts, I can not stop after one drink... every day is still a struggle for me, but this letter to you is good therapy for me, as my cravings are now gone, at least for the moment. Thanks

[@TheRuggedAzzMan]

Have you gone to see your doctor? Have you attended AA meetings? Do you have a sponsor?

[@kirstenschaenzer6991]

I usually have a pint of whiskey in my freezer. I tend to drink alone and sometimes secretly. And some days find myself thinking about it all day. Like if I'm at work, how long until I can have my next drink/when will I be able to have that next drink...? And let me tell you, working in a liquor store is no help to this situation!! My dad, from what I hear, was a pretty big alcoholic up until my third sister was born. And then he realized, he had a wife and kids to take care of. Don't think that he's had a drink in the last 33 years!!

[@craigjones1939]

Noah, you nailed me! I’ve been there, done that, and you described me to a T! I CAN RELATE BRO. A couple of years ago I made it to 16 months sober (somehow/someway), then I thought I could handle drinking responsibly and causally like everyone else. I was wrong. This week I had made it to 7 days sober, but then I cracked open 3 beers at once to get me started before I came across your video, two beers deep. Well, there’s always tomorrow and I will try again. Congrats on your current sobriety stretch! 👍🏼 PS- I am a functional alcoholic who is NEVER late for anything and performs at an exception level in my career. Just thought I’d add that since it is very important to me.

[@craigjones1939]

PS- I poured that third beer down the drain, took my blood pressure medicine, and I’m going to bed. Tomorrow is another day and I will feel better when I get up because I did not get crazy drunk tonight. I also plan to start another stent of sobriety. Wish me luck.

[@aoiahiru670]

You got this. One day at a time.

[@Jaxxie1981]

This comment really resonates with me. I was three months sober when I justified a glass of wine during the Holidays. That glass of wine turned into my typical buying another bottle before the other was empty, because the thought of not having wine in my house filled me with anxiety. Then wine turned into hiding vodka in my closet and knocking back four or five vodka sodas in one evening on the weekends. Choosing where we went out to eat based on who had the best mixed drinks. Slamming 2 32oz margaritas back to back at my favorite Mexican joint then drinking more when I got home. Then I was getting plastered on weeknights and I realized I have a disease. I cannot drink in moderation like others can. I cannot drink that one glass of wine at the Thanksgiving dinner table and be done with drinking. I cannot have that one margarita at dinner. I can't drink at all. I'm now on week 4 sober. It's so hard, but you've got this and I've got this.

[@pediatricurgentcare1959]

Love this idea. Back when I was struggling to put down alcohol what helped was getting a clear understanding that I had an issue with alcohol and that it was affecting my life. You might be an alcoholic if you don’t make evening Commitments because you never know if you will be too drunk to follow through. That’s how it was in the end for me.

[@tracimayman8616]

its ruining my life and relationships..i like your video and made me cry as i resonate with it

[@cathrine1151]

I totally relate to the drinking alone part. You get so used to it that it just becomes your normal but at the sane time you just know deep inside that it’s so NOT normal. Maybe it doesn’t really matter wether or not someone can be labeled an alcoholic. I think that when your drinking becomes a problem to your self or to someone close to you then there you have it. Thanks 🙏 so much for sharing. On day 7 in.

[@aoiahiru670]

It seems like people are desperate for a way to de-stress and since alcohol is the one thing they've tried that really does it for them, that's what they crave. How can we, as a community, find ways of achieving that level of relaxation that doesn't involve booze? There's nothing wrong with wanting to relax away from other people.

[@Tara........]

Sobriety is a tremendous accomplishment. Congratulations!

[@pmbluemoon]

Thank you for this vid and I hope you continue it. I've been doing a bunch of lightly reserching on how alcohol effects depression, testosterone, and the mix of all that plus drinking. I loved to drink alone once I was in the bar scene and would get hit on constantly. I actually hated the attention, so starting to drink at home felt more "safe place" drinking for me. It gradually kept getting more and more drinks to have a good buzz before bed, and 20 years later, I had a bad run in with drinking again. I hated to constantly ask for money, or trade cleaning an apartment to get booze money. I started lying to my friends and making sure that I got a bottle from each friend that would last me the month. I felt like such a horrible friend. I finally got off a medication that actually made me CRAVE alcohol. My psych Dr wanted to INCREASE my dosage of that medication, I told her I wanted to stop because of that side effect in particular. She got mad at me and put in my chart that I was refusing treatment, med non-compliant, a bunch of that. I stopped the medication, and within a few weeks, no more alcohol cravings. I notice now though, that IF I have it, I'll drink it until it's gone. So now, like you say, string a few sober days together and now I'm almost done all together! I'll be glad if I get to where you are with that long sober again! That's my story :)

[@brwngrrrl]

This is gonna be my new favorite. Thank you for the honesty.

[@kfcpotato7415]

Thank u for your video. Thank u thank u thank u. God bless u and everyone here.

[@larry1824]

Normal social drinkers rarely worry if they're drunks. WE DO😢😢😢

[@rlenzy]

Keep up with the good work. You openness is paramount to move forward with your journey. I have watch your videos for a while. My question is does drinking keep your TRT levels low. I just notice a pattern with my male friends.

[@miketushie4154]

My name is Mike and I am an Alcoholic. Awesome so glad to hear of your time! I'm so with you Noah. Being with my family has always been important. I would have random beers with my Dad and Brother. I was being "Good" only to go home and do my thing. Near the end of my drinking and how dark it had become. I remember being on a vacation with my family and My Mother had bought one case of beer for a week-long vacation. I managed for a week. Near the end of the vacation, she made a statement "you and you Father need to finish that beer." I honestly thought to myself "IF YOU ONLY KNEW, THAT WOULD BE GONE TONIGHT." That was one of many Red flags I had! Thanks for allowing me to share!

[@rlenzy]

Love the intro and outro of your videos

[@nox9223]

I got arrested for a DUI after passing out in a parking lot with my pants down and having shit myself.

[@teemukekkonenmusic]

I ditched my 24th birthday celebration with my girlfriend just to get hammered by myself. I have now 73 days sober and in the end of my drinking days it was normal for me to not want to see anyone because I was either slurring my speech already or I couldn't drink the way I wanted to or the amounts I wanted to. Addiction is a bitch...

[@masonhortonmusic]

Please do more of these. Very very helpful.

[@bobbimarie655]

Dang couldn’t explain me better. My favorite thing to do is get a case of beer, pack of smokes and drink while listening to music. Hate when people are around because I can’t fully let loose and don’t want to show others how many beers/cocktails I actually drink. I have struggled with truly believing I was an alcoholic and if I actually needed help. Watching this assures me of it

[@KetoBeyond]

episode 2 tomorrow? lol keep it going. I'm not an alcoholic but can relate to the mental part of your story. keep keeping on man!

[@MBFModernHomesteading]

Congrats man!

[@scipio6130]

I can so relate! Almost 6 years of sobriety and am loving it

[@KickingGeese]

This was a great video for me to see because I constantly wonder if I’m an alcoholic because I usually drink more than others in social situations. I couldn’t even imagine drinking alone, though, let a lone being annoyed at my friends on my birthday. Really I only drink a few times a year. Really great and helpful series, congratulations on your decision to live la vida sober 😃

[@stangedude5646]

I'm at 2 months, and the psychological effects are crazy.

[@joywalsh6150]

I cant relate with regards to alcohol, however i can with using chocolate or crisps (chips for those across the pond) i will do exactly that, eat well or healthy or be a bit "naughty" with food in front of other people.... then go home to get my fix of junk at home in peace. I tend to hate myself immediatly after and have developed the skill of ignoring the fact it happens and then forgetting about it. Thing is its never enough, i cant ever get thst taste or sugar rush im craving. I wish i knew how to stop but there doesnt seem to be help out there for this.

[@joywalsh6150]

@@jeffsmith6133 im lucky (whilst very unlucky given my disability) that i cannot tolerate drugs, so with my disability i cannot take pain relief, i very very rarely drink as i have alcoholics in my family and also it gives me a bone hangover that lasts days, and as well i know how easy it would be to fall down the rabbit hole of drinking to try and dull the pain i live in 24/7 so i just dont do it. Where i live i have had daily reminders of the bad effects of drink and drugs so it has also put me off. I comfort eat instead 😐

[@MBFModernHomesteading]

I was starting to watch the folks in the background and then BAM! BLURR CITY ;)

[@bignoknow]

Wanted to protect there Anonymity 👍🏼

[@519forestmonk9]

I never had a problem with alcohol until I lost weight. I got gastric surgery a year and a half ago and I lost 160 pounds. I look great. But I no longer can abuse food. So my addiction switched to other things, specifically alcohol and spending money. Same addiction, different face.

[@MormonMustang_]

That's why you hide your vodka in the bathroom and go slam it during commercials! Hmmm, how do I know that? Cheers!

[@sho77y]

Think I am. Just had 4 days off and it's not gone good. Insomnia the past few nights and a fever today! Feel better now I've had some wine 😵 Happy birthday 😘

[@tracimayman8616]

i get where u are coming from..i want to be alone and drink and carry on without my husband...i wish i could be sober like u

[@codycleveland2853]

I have used alcohol to de stress and treat my anxiety for the last 2 and a half years. I drink every day. Im gaining weight, my anxiety is at an all time high despite what I tell people. I am unhappy sick and depressed. I’m sitting here with a giant bottle of galo family Chardonnay. It’s the only thing that allows me to relax. I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic or not. I have tried almost everything to treat my anxiety except give up boos. I’m so far out of shape that I struggle to walk more than a mile at a time without getting tired and out of breath. When I’m not drinking I’m constantly dizzy spaced out and lightheaded. I guess I’m afraid that if i stop drinking I won’t feel any better.

[@tutorial9co8]

Cody Cleveland personally it helped me getting to the gym and setting up goals to lose weight. You don’t wanna drink 500kcal when you worked hard to burn them earlier

[@Hoople57]

I drink a little pretty much every day but never get drunk. Drunk isn't fun, a little buzz is. I'm 62 now and my tolerance is low, pretty much always has been. I've never been a drunk. My friend who's been in recovery for 35 years says I shouldn't drink. I say to myself about him: just because you couldn't handle it and moderate it why does that mean I can't? I love my friend but sometimes I think he's full of shit. Peace.

[@intrakitproductions]

It's interesting to hear other peoples stories and how we struggle in different ways as alcoholics. The people I was around would drink until the sun came up sometimes for few days and this seemed normal to me because everyone around me was doing it..until I moved and seen how other people would go out than go home early, and there I was trying call the bootlegger trying to keep the party going. I was always the last one up and would look for people who could keep up with me Id be so hungover after and thought this was normal .I wouldn't go anywhere or do anything until I felt better I wouldn't drink for few days ,do what I needed for the week than back to drinking again for a long night into the next day . I was aware after it was a problem but I kept procrastinating thinking I'll wait til my life gets better and I'll sort it out after. Which in reality it was the drinking that got in the way and held me back. I used it to escape from my reality avoiding the emotions I didn't wana feel. I have quit several times but always ended up back to drinking it was all I knew and seems hard to avoid because its everywhere and seems the only way I can be social dealing with loneliness sober is tough not having family or friends the only people I know are negative who won't judge me. I've been in and out of recovery homes took programs went to meetings so I know what its all about. I needed to be around people who have similar interests and just never clicked with anyone. The few that I have have kids wife etc. And our schedules clash its hard making new friends and maintaining them when you get older. I lost both my parents at an early age and did lot of time in jail. I moved away from my hometown to better myself going on 10 years now. Since than been in and out of relationships to fill that emptiness and loneliness. Just got out a 3 year relationship she was worst than me with her drinking. I wasnt going to turn to drinking this time.I am over 6 months sober and its been a lonely depressing road everyday is a battle within myself facing all these things in my life I been avoiding for years. I just got back into school but its been taking a toll on me considering dropping out its getting to be too much and I feel like crap that Im thinking like this when I know this is my opportunity to finally do something and pursue my career goals I always talked about. To be a better person build a good foundation and attract the right woman so I can have my OWN family is my plan. But feel so stuck everyday waking up is a struggle trying maintain through the day I've tried everything trust me. I learned life that family and love is what truly matters and is what I wish I really had right now. Its not really the drinking Im worried about anymore its my anger and afraid I might blow up on someone soon. I just want to genuinely feel loved and appreciated and want to have people in my life who aren't only doing it because they feel sorry for me. I am 33 years old now and wasted lot of years struggling drinking trying avoid my problems now Im sober and its been tough doing this alone. Im in counseling I call 1800 support numbers when I need someone to talk to its depressn that I have to resort to that just for someone to talk to when Im feeling suicidal . I try dating meet woman but I always end up blowing up and pushing them away. Most people are intimidated and judge me and think Im krazy because I did lot of time. Its been 8years since I been locked up but cant seem to fully get rid of that mentality its a part of me I grew up in the streets and in that lifestyle. I have definitely settled down but all that shyt eats me up sometimes paranoia from enemies and mistakes Ive made thats not that easy to just move on from when others aren't over things. I have lot of regrets and most of the krazy things I done was when I was drinking and not thinking good. Realizing now that I am older that how I was living wasn't right and it bothers me because now I do care and took the family I did have before for granted before I pushed them all away and moved across the country and pushed myself even further. But at the same I had to in order to better my life because if I were back home Id be dead or jail. There's some serious situations that need to be dealt with to go back and I need to be stable and ready or I'll just fall back into the same lifestyle I was in before.

[@nobo.314]

I really like your videos!:) Thanks

[@victorldf100]

i'm 5 days sober, i think i'm gonna drink three beers, it's just three, it doesnt hurt, maybe some wine too

[@Hogo69]

I've got similar problems. Still get very drunk once or twice a month the aftermath usually makes me stop for a few weeks. It's the social drinking that always puts me back on the drinking.

[@trey99]

My dude....

[@tracimayman8616]

i wish i could be like u and be sober

[@gragrn]

Yep, that's me!

[@bobstreet7950]

I'm not ok I can't take it alone anymore I need help

[@BrandoTheMando87]

This is a great example of the difference between an addict and a normie. Were you also worried that you were going to have to share your stash? Or run out of booze before you achieved that "perfect drunk" that never occurs?

[@markty01]

Same experience.. I call that Saturday 😁

[@dannyboi162]

I have had about a day. Rehab won't take me for a month and a half. 26 a day every day. Don't think I will make it. Peace and love

[@lindsey3670]

You can do it. I can do it. Let's do this together.

[@louskunts2160]

I definitely relate... wow.

[@seanbruce9861]

Its like looking into a mirror xo

[@lovingme6896]

Yup buying a smaller bottle so u don’t consume more of the bigger then going to the store the next day getting the bigger one cus u ran out of the smaller one yesterday smh. I was sick. Oh and when i wanted to try to limit my drink intake id say one more shot no one more one more soon i was just so drunk and drank a whole or half bottle smfh. But sadly all the friends I have had all drink not as much as me but there are no limits. When i go out with people i actually drink less and i enjoy myself. I’m not focused on trying to get messed up.. i actually have control when i’m with others but by myself.... i can drink all day. Smfh

[@chadanddyson6200]

How long have you been sober now?

[@paulbenish8982]

Go back to the very start of the video 🙂

[@leighwatson1861]

i can relate

[@sarajevozauvijek272]

Hello bih respect for you iam also have anxiety and depression and erectile dusfunction and no libido, i would like to ask you when you start youse trt is sex drive and impotence better now big respect from Bosnia

[@jay2306]

Hey Noah I got a question. When you first started trt were you still on any medication if so how long were you on it while you were still getting trt?

[@bobsmith-jd2oy]

when does it stop? when do we win this battle? i can't win no matter how hard i try. that demon beats my f*ckin a*s every time i try. and it's laughing in my f*ckin face now as i drink my 12 pack. i will never surrender! this is gonna be a fight to the death................

[@lindsey3670]

It takes a few days for you to feel better again but lets try together. I am definitely not sober right now but hate the state I am in and plan to be sober on Monday. I stopped last year for 4 months and it was the best 4 months I have had in years.

[@rob2258]

I've had enough of the stuff I can't just have one drink I have to have a good few so I just don't have one from now on has Craig Beck says drink is an evil clown it's all smiles to start with come on just have one it says one won't hurt but no sooner do you have that one drink you're not in charge anymore that evil clown is going to bite off your head

[@ryantaube6546]

Beer me...

[@larrybetancourt3879]

You need to be checked to see if your bipolar if you're an alcoholic you should not be doing testosterone you should have been tested first find a new doctor

[@aoiahiru670]

interesting. can you give more information?

[@larrybetancourt3879]

Aoi Ahiru Been on test since 1968. Mental stability should be tested prior to the amount of test prescribed when you knock out a police officer for giving you a ticket you'll figure it out trust me been there

[@timothystotesbery5750]

Definitely an alcoholic yo

[@kirkguille]

I think you are "confused" lol

[@kirkguille]

Accept yourself as you are and all the anxiety alcoholism etc will go away. Go to the psychotherapist

[@1trillionviews516]

I hear ya brother. Alcoholic and addict here. I used to love isolating so i could drink and drug all alone. I didnt want to share or be judged. That continued for so long, when i got sober it was hard to relearn communication. That mixed with my anxiety made it almost impossible for my family to drag me out the house. I've gotten a little bit better with this situation over the last 27 months of sobriety, but I've still got a long way to go!