You're Faking Autism for Attention... | Actually Autistic TikToks

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Autistic person reacts to TikToks about autism!
*Chloe Hayden's Book:
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Ella's Channel:
/ @purpleella
💛 WATCH NEXT 💛:
You're ALL under ARREST! | Actually Autistic TikToks:
• You're ALL under ARRES...
struggling with autistic burnout:
• struggling with autist...
Could you actually have Dyspraxia (DCD)?:
• Could you actually hav...
00:00 The beautiful TikToks
00:18 Faking autism for attention
04:15 The TITANIC
06:25 Gen X: the new Boomers
12:15 Ella's a victim
Sources:
Dyspraxia:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/develop...
Elizabeth Gilbert:
www.elizabethgilbert.com/
Dyscalculia:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/dyslexi...
The TikToks:
www.tiktok.com/@adhdcoachshei...
www.tiktok.com/@chloeshayden/...
www.tiktok.com/@purpleellaand...
www.tiktok.com/@purpleellaand...
📖 *Books I'd Recommend about Autism:
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:
amzn.to/3LhMV3j
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!

[@imautisticnowwhat]

We’re back on TikTok! And I’m back to trying not to cry on camera… If you need more actually autistic TikToks in your life (we talk about filming your autistic children’s meltdowns to upload to Facebook (????) and faking being trans or autistic): kzbin.info/www/bejne/bpOukqmOf8ZoaJY You may have missed last week’s video thanks to the KZbin algorithm😭I watched two (kinda scary) autism simulations: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jWTLaXaDmLhqncU Thank you so much to everyone who sent in more simulations to react to in the future! I’ve saved the links. Hope you’ve had a lovely week 💛

[@strategicgamingwithaacorns2874]

I recently saw some news involving an Autism TikTok... and it wasn't good. An Autistic teenager with Scoliosis was recently arrested, dragged out of her house, and publicly brutalized by the West Yorkshire Police for the "hate crime" of comparing a female police officer to her lesbian nana. As far as I'm concerned, this is the UK Woke Nanny State declaring war on Autistic Britons. Do you have any plans to address this issue on KZbin? And do you have any plans on applying for US Citizenship if things go further south for Autistic people in the UK?

[@geoffreyroulston1401]

​@@strategicgamingwithaacorns2874omg that's horrible

[@pipwhitefeather5768]

@@strategicgamingwithaacorns2874 That was dreadful! Poor lass

[@sonoftorin]

@@strategicgamingwithaacorns2874 What autistic utopia are you expecting to find I. The USA?

[@BillieGote]

​@@strategicgamingwithaacorns2874 granted I don't know how life in the UK compares to life in the US, but I'm not convinced it is better. While I'm always thrilled to see more outspoken autists in the US to make the Collective Voice louder and therefore more influential, almost all the latest women-specific research articles seem to be coming from the UK. The situation you described is absolutely horrible, but over here we also have an armed police force that still needs a s*** ton of training on how to distinguish distressed autistic behavior from an actual threat. Lethal force is used far too often on neurodivergent and disabled people in crisis, and it's too easy for unscrupulous LEOs to claim they thought that stim toy was a gun and they felt threatened.

[@AiLoveAidoru]

you ever realize that about 75% of the time when someone is attention seeking its because they NEED attention not just desire it?

[@kkuudandere]

Sometimes I'm guilty of forgetting this, but it's true. Even if someone were faking something in order to simply "get attention", I think that shows there's at least *some* problem or issue that really does need to be considered.

[@Stick_and_stone]

​@@kkuudandereit doesn't make it okay for them to mock real disorders

[@TinyGhosty]

@@Stick_and_stoneNo it doesn't make it okay, but hypochondriacs and Munchausen syndrome do exist. They are still deserving of medical care and psychiatric help. It is a very nuanced subject because they are potentially doing harm to communities they are not apart of, but that does not mean they are beyond some form of sympathy and understanding that they require professional help.

[@Star_Rattler]

Any time I see someone complaining about someone being "attention seeking" then I just go "well give them attention then" and they go "but that's what they want!" and im like "yeah, duh!" and they go "if we give them what they want it tells them its ok to do bad behavior!" and i go "what bad behavior?" they say "attention seeking!" and I say "it sounds like theyre seeking attention because they need it. if you give them positive attention like asking about their day or week and how theyre doing and what fun things theyve been up to, then you give them good and positive attention, and when you do that enough, they stop seeking it out, because they know now they have a friend who cares and asks about their day now and then" and you can see the stubbornness sink in as they realize they're wrong.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Yeah...at least in the US, even needing something is often considered a moral failing. We have this whole “self made man” thing going. It seems to be leading us into a collapse in compassion. Any behavior that is regarded as in any way self serving is demonized...how we get to “you’re just using autism as an excuse.” But people need things. Imagining they don’t is not conducive to good mental health.

[@Izzylovesdinos]

I hate when people say autistic people are attention seeking its so dismissive and mean for no reason

[@diegulamondigimon1688]

On one hand I really like your Collector pfp, but on the other, I hate the fact that you didn't even watch the video and just commented negatively on the title of it. I get your point, though please, PLEASE. Watch the video to understand the title before saying anything. Thank you.

[@Izzylovesdinos]

@@diegulamondigimon1688 I wasn’t trying to say anything negative about the video, I love these video. The title made me think about how much I hate when people accuse others of attention seeking so I wanted to say so, that’s all. Also I’m pretty sure this comment fits with the topic of the video either way (to me it does).

[@diegulamondigimon1688]

@@Izzylovesdinos It might, it might not. But alright, at least we both got our points across and cleared up, I think we both know where we're coming from...I sure get your point. :D

[@Orangeisgreat383]

Yes, I really do not want attention, I would in fact prefer to hide in the bathroom for 30 minutes! XD

[@diegulamondigimon1688]

@@Orangeisgreat383 How about being in your room for most of the time?

[@moss_moonstone]

Being told I'm not trying is such a trigger for me now. Especially after I had a DOCTOR tell me I wasn't trying hard enough during a breathing test for my ASTHMA (I was like 13 at the time). I don't think performing poorly on a breathing test when you have a lung disease is an issue of "trying"

[@BilliesCraftRoom]

So much gaslighting from I'll informed 'professional's lived experience to me is of more help than what someone without lived experience of a condition read about in a book.

[@hurraynature7449]

To be fair, that test is pretty difficult to perform if you're going to get accurate results. I do agree, though, that a doctor telling you that you're not trying hard enough was the wrong way to say that he needed you to do things a little differently so he could get an accurate result

[@helenbarrett4432]

Oh my god I had a very similar experience!!! Dr kept saying "I don't believe that's the best you can do" and I'd ALREADY been accused of literally tlying by multiple drs about a different issue and, y'know, autistic, so I took him literally. Meanwhile my PE teacher didn't believe or my best friend that I didn't have an inhaler.... as I sat on the floor with her ransacking my bag as I had a massive asthma attack 😅

[@rbmw981]

I've had the thing said to me! I was younger. I burst into tears and was told not to be such a drama queen!

[@sumdumbmick]

doctors are hilariously ridiculous. notice the deep history of male doctors simply refusing to bother to learn anything about female physiology... think about why that might be for a second. as a straight man I'd far rather go into medicine to help women than men. male bodies are repulsive to me... because I'm straight. but historically male doctors reported the exact opposite... that female bodies repulsed them. so... they were pretty clearly all gay. but at the same time they'd be the ones pushing propaganda about what a healthy heterosexual lifestyle looks like. so they're self-hating closeted gay men. that's totally the type of level headed clear minded sort of person I want to get life and death advice from... god dammit.

[@Noah-fp3kj]

The first video reminds me of one I saw some time ago. It was a girl saying, that there's people that say oh no theres people faking autism, they are going to take resources from actual autistic people and she answered what resources? fidget toys? is fine, there's plenty of them

[@gigahorse1475]

Yeah, self-diagnosed and even fakers don’t take any resources! Other than fidget toys, as you say 😂

[@ernststravoblofeld]

This is exactly why I don't bother getting an official diagnosis. What am I going to get out of it? There's no magic resources that will show up. When I was a kid it might have made some difference in school, but as an adult, what's the point?

[@SwordmaidenGwen]

@@ernststravoblofeldRight? Same for me, I have undiagnosed dyscalculia too and it's really obvious when I'm copying a number over to another page, say a completely different number and write in yet another completely different number. But am I going to get to time travel 10 years back to retake my O'Level Math a third time and move from a E9 to an E8 and magically to a C grade because I get a diagnosis? Nope, so why bother to go through all the trouble?

[@arrowflash5104]

When I was younger I thought I had had a disease because I was autistic. But, when I got older and researched autism. I learned how complex autism is but what scared me was how many children there are who don’t understand autism. I think high schools should teach children what is autism.

[@quercus432]

I remember being taught about autism at school when i was about six. All i remember is à picture of à boy playing with blocks, and that it definately didn't help understand that i was autistic myself. But that might just be because i was too young to be introspective enough for that. Or maybe i just didn't listen closely enough in class that Day. That's entirely possible as well. We also had a class about autisme when i was 16 (it was more or less my idea), but i didn't really get to know how much it helped as i had to leave school shortly after (nental health reasons).

[@nicholaslandry6367]

​@@quercus432I doubt that you being unable to recognize yourself as autistic during the lesson from your childhood had anything to do with you Our brains are designed to "move towards what resonates" In other words If you're autistic, & were unable to resonate & relate to the "picture of autism that was painted for you" it probably wasn't a very good "painting" Glad you were able to figure it out eventually though

[@xxxSpaceOwlxxx]

They defiantly should, if kids are going to use it as an insult or even kids are going to talk about it then schools jobs are to properly teach kids what that thing is without stigma and without treating them like they unintenigent

[@kitcat8308]

I don't know why but, When I was 10 I thought being autistic meant living in the headspace and not having to deal with the real world.... I wished I was autistic 🤦🏼‍♀️.... Oops .... ( I am currently seeking diagnosis through diagnostic clarification.... Current diagnosis bipolar disorder type 1 and BPD with past diagnosis of depression and ADHD.... Son is diagnosed with both ADHD and autism and I see/ saw young me in his behaviors over the years

[@nicholaslandry6367]

@@kitcat8308 I'd have them check for adhd again & review your bipolar cycle history with them because of the ways bpd bipolar adhd & autism can interact Good luck

[@heli0ns]

Offering headphones and alone time? Yes please!!

[@bethanythatsme]

Right? Sounds like perfection

[@hannahowen1801]

This the thing with the older generations, theyve bottled up their emotions for their whole lives so now theyre absolutely riddled with undiagnosed mental health issues, and SO much anxiety.

[@bethanythatsme]

It is all that was offered to us growing up. It's taken years to process, but it also wasn't all bad. There are conditions now that young generations will have to process in an entirely different way they aren't prepared for, just like us older folks. We all do the best with what we have at the given moment. Compassion and empathy are key to understanding ❤

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

That society did to us and we are refused support even when we have spinal issues cos everyone hates us

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

@@bethanythatsmewhat’s that I had none and still have none

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

@@bethanythatsmeI seem to give it but don’t get it back I get judgement.

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

We are victims. We are victims of physical, sexual, social , parental, state, psychological and employment abuse. And when we burn out and lose it at work we lose jobs meaning we can’t get references and we then get punished off the services that we paid into when we did work. I think it’s interesting but other people not allowing us to be us disable us this we are a victim of other peoples ignorance and lack of ability to accept us.

[@9crutnacker985]

Completely against anyone saying 'you're identifying as a victim'. If you have been traumatised / abused you - are - a - victim - of - that - abuse. All that comment tells me is, they're trying to gaslight or cancel that persons experience & push them into denial because they don't want give any concessions to that victim &/or don't want to get upset hearing it. They want their own comfort put 1st like all ableists.

[@tracik1277]

Well said.

[@isabellefaguy7351]

Yes, some people want all autistic people to depict autism as just unicorns and joy and superpowers (which I know it can be if you're fortunate enough to be born in a family with parents with good mental health, education about raising children with deficits, who have enough money to get the help needed and a good support network). This has not been my experience of being autistic. And our experiences should also be told, so the people who are wanting to help this not to happen to another generation of autistic people can help us (they can't if they're not aware the social exclusion, descolarisation, abuse and all the rest is happening).

[@IceFireofVoid]

I think it's more that, with my own experiences with my past, I've observed that it is easy for people to fall into a trap of feeling like this is all they are and all they will be, and they effectively give up on seeking to make their lives better and find happiness again. They stagnate and cling to unhealthy patterns without realizing it because it is comforting and easier than working on self improvement. Sometimes, without realizing, they think they don't deserve to move on. If you are a victim, you are not only a victim. You are a person, and you still have hopes and dreams and a future ahead of you and you deserve to have it. You deserve to move forward and be in a place where what happened in your past is no longer the most significant thing in your life. You deserve to heal.

[@9crutnacker985]

@@IceFireofVoid very true but if you are stuck there & don't realise why (like I did for 55 yrs) it's not 'easier' than - anything - as you don't know what to work 'on' or even that there is something can benefit you by working on it. Someone telling you you're identifying as a victim in that circumstance will not only invalidate you further but can lead to you not actually seeking & identifying what you are a victim of & you can not heel from trauma without knowing that.

[@jimwilliams3816]

9crutnacker985 well put. I think one of the reasons many of us feel a measure of relief at an autism diagnosis is that it helps explain why we are the way we are, and also why so certain things are harder for us than they are “supposed to be.” I’m 62 and have spent most of my life being unhappy with myself, because I wanted to be a certain person and I kept screwing that up. The message I got from the world, and thoroughly internalized, was that people do things intentionally, with free will and for their own benefit (I think that was Hobbes?), and so felt if I screwed up, it must mean I was a bad person. To almost anyone with mental health problems, messages like “you’re just feeling sorry for yourself” or “you’re just letting yourself be a victim” are mostly destructive, because they confirm the feeling we have that our struggles are moral failings. NO ONE heals as a result of that message. If someone is able to work their way out of the place they are in, it is in spite of those messages, not because of them. The problem is that mental health issues are not easy to get out of, nor is it always possible. Great concern gets applied to the possibility of being too downbeat...no one wants to say to someone that they will never be well. Little attention is given to the risks of excessive positivity. It sounds good to say “you can heal if you try,” but if the person tries and fails -and most people with mental illness HAVE been trying and failing - it again places the moral burden on them. They must not be trying, or trying hard enough, or they just have bad habits they taught themselves. It simply is not a good message, at its core it is mostly judgemental - and people should resist the impulse to give such advice.

[@raven4090]

I was suicidal from when I was 9 through high school. No one in my family cared. I didn't tell my friends. My mother told me I deserved to be bullied because I was different. I hated school. I feel better now that I know I'm not too sensitive. I call people out when they're mean now. We don't need to put up with jerks. Life is too short. Post diagnosis is time to be happy.😊❤

[@justinwatson1510]

I am glad you learned that you were not the problem. I know it can be frustrating, especially in the moment, but it is never a good idea to let the opinions of ignorant assholes color how we see ourselves.]

[@raven4090]

@@justinwatson1510 That is true! I'm glad you've learned that as well.

[@kyobear5453]

I enjoy calling people out 😂 “that was fecking rude”, “why are you yelling?”, “that tone is very aggressive”, “so I give you my ear 👂 but you cannot listen to one word from me?”, “ I don’t accept this treatment” I still struggle with the un-alive stuff, people can be such shit

[@raven4090]

@@kyobear5453Those are great responses! 😀👍🏻 Yeah. I just remind myself that they're not worth it, when the thought comes around.

[@whatoh3407]

I also enjoy calling people out in their shitty behavior even autistic people. No reason for anyone to be rude for no reason and not get called out, absolutely none.

[@sonoftorin]

My psychiatrist actually looked amused when I suggested I might be autistic. I asked for a referral to be assessed (he practices in a metro area of over 1 million people) and he said he doesn’t know of anyone who would do that for an adult, but he referred me to an autoimmune specialist. Guess I’ll just be self diagnosed then. Edit: I have to add on that I had a friend tell me to stop being a victim last week as well. This after talking to her for less than a month about suspecting that I am autistic and trying to process some of my past and present. How long do we get before we have to move on? I get that we have to look forward eventually but I want to make sense of who I am first.

[@OkiSmokey]

“I have to move on eventually” trust me. That’s wrong. Other people may never wrap their heads around it but something simple for them can be traumatising for people with autism, and trauma is trauma no matter the cause, trauma is ALWAYS valid. You’re allowed to “be a victim”, especially when it’s helping you start to recognise and process things that have happened in your life and prepare you for the future and understand yourself and your behaviours yknow? That definitely sounds like what you’re doing and you’re allowed to vocalise that. I’m sorry your psychiatrist didn’t take you that seriously and that there isn’t much in your area, at least the internet has good places like this channel to provide spaces and resources to understand yourself without a formal diagnosis ❤

[@DanniBby]

You should take as much time as you truly need, nobody gets to define that for you and time is not linear, we don’t experience things in a linear way. Moments and emotions happen and are still felt in our mind and body’s memory.

[@saeveth]

You don’t have to move on at someone else’s pace. And a good friend shouldn’t ever tell you to, if you’re not ready.

[@doctahjonez]

With friends like these who needs enemies

[@the_furf_of_july4652]

Yeah no you don’t “move on” from autism. If you have it, it’s an ingrained part of who you are and it’s never going to stop impacting your life. I don’t say that to be a downer, but… that’s telling someone with depression to stop being sad, or someone with arthritis to just ignore it. Autism is the kind of thing that IS your personality, it can shape every single behavior someone does and that doesn’t just… stop clashing with the real world. I CANT be normal, and that’s never going to stop being a thing. I’m going to be different my whole life and getting told to move on or get over it means nothing.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

The Gen X "toughness" made it so at 43 I realized both myself and my 46 year old sister are autistic and the struggles I've had my whole life, especially with relationships but also with general adulting, are due to my undiagnosed neurodivergence and lack of support, not because I'm an inherently lazy, awful human being which is the message I've been given by every authority figure in my life, other than my current boss (thank God). The 90s were either you thrived as a feral.child or you faked it and developed very harmful coping mechanisms to compensate. This is why so few front men from grunge bands are still alive, for example. It wasn't only harmful for autistic people, it was hard for everyone different. But at least in the 90s there were movements to advocate FOR differences. That is what grunge was about. And it was in the 90s people really started stepping up fornthe LBGTQA community, but it was definitely on the margins in that time.

[@arurora5474]

I understand the "flip the situation in your mind" type of coping mechanism but it really boils my blood when people have the audacity to tell someone telling the tale of their trauma that they should stop having a victim mentality. I think that those who say that are bullies who do not what to accept the responsibility of their actions because if they convince you you are not a victim it's as if they have not done something wrong

[@jimwilliams3816]

I have to stay off the psychology channels, because the comments are rife with unasked for advice, lots of judgement, and (ahem) black and white thinking. The people on the neurodivergent channels consistently have FAR better social skills: empathize, share experiences, don’t tell each other what we should be doing. It does leave me confused why we are supposed be the ones with social skill problems. :) But I have come to recognize that the compulsive advice givers have their own issues, I’m just not sure what they are exactly.

[@arurora5474]

I just want to clarify that I'm not talking about Meg but the one who commented under the video she shows here and that begets the video shown right after. I really do understand the need to basically "stop thinking about it" that people may feel about trauma but I think the "stop victim mentality" was something spread by abusers who don't want to be blamed. it's equivalent to billionares telling us to pull ourselves by the bootstraps in my mind basically. now have some people managed to do both those things? sure, good for them. but I still feel ichy about the concept itself...

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

I went thru the abuse as a child. It was traumatic. But the thing that hurt me much more is that I had a victim mentality for almost 20 years after that. Victim mentality is a real thing. It is an identity that harms you in so many ways. It took me to realise that by myself. I wish someone had told me that I am much more than my trauma when I was 22. It is true that people who have heard the words victim mentality often don't understand what it means. You don't seem to either. It is something real that is very often damaging the lives of people more than the thing that made them the victims in the first place. It was the truth for me. Getting rid of this identity of a victim has been so liberating. I realised so many amazing things about myself. It freed me to be able to work on making my dreams come true. I wrote 2 bad books. I realised that I am not a "talented" writer and then continued writing. I am working on my third book. I eat healthier food. I am learning many new things. I have a several hobbies. This things were not possible when I had an identity of the victim. I believed myself to be someone who was once capable of greatness, but then got stopped by trauma that then caused mental health problems. That meant for me to be incapable of reaching even the ordinary. The rest of my life was to be lived in the shadow of my trauma and I would never be happy. I have totally given up on so much because I saw myself as to damaged by my experiences to even try. I believed I had nothing going for me, so why even bother? If I was to try someone would come and victimise me again for trying. Anything that I was capable of being was a victim... Then I realised a thing or two about myself which spiraled me out of the mess I was in. Spiral is going so far and I don't know how much I am even capable of achieving. Possibilities seem endless. Just to remember that not so long ago I thought to myself that I am incapable of reaching out of the prison of my trauma. In truth, I am still having a lot of problems that stem right back to what has happened to me. It is just that they are way smaller than what the victim identity has done to me.

[@arurora5474]

@@lampyrisnoctiluca9904 you are right I did not understand this at all. Thank you for explaining. I still think the name does not resonate with this description at all but that might be just me. If that's the name used than that's what it is. I guess I projected my own experience onto it where whenever I told people off they replied I should stop trying so hard to be a victim and that they never did anything wrong to me. Thanks again for taking the time! I'm glad you are getting better at dealing with victim mentality.

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

@@arurora5474 I don't blame you. A lot of people going thru hellish situations are told to stop playing the victims. I remember being told that by the school counselor when I was explaining things to her, so I believe you to have been told that as well, maybe by the multiple people. Many people like more to imagine scenarios in their heads and then pretend that it is the truth than to ask someone what is really going on. I think that is the huge problem because they will then give you so many advice that would be helpful if you were really going thru what they imagined your situation to be. Maybe it would be helpful for you to explain to them the next time that what you were going thru is not the same thing they imagined you to have gone through. It is only one sentence. Next time don't try to get all defensive, but just calmly say that one sentence. Hope it helps.

[@annerigby4400]

I think one of the worst things to do to an autistic child, is to throw them into social situations - school, playgrounds, play groups - with the expectation that they will learn to socialise. They won't. They will learn to shut down or mask or have screaming fits when they're in a safe place. None of that helps them to be 'more social'. As a homeschooling parent, I realised this very early on. Our kids were not overly social - they enjoyed specific (preferably short and on their terms) social activities. One's idea of playing with other kids was to stand somewhere and just watch them, so that went down well.... Another rapidly cottoned onto the idea that he didn't know how to make friends like other kids did, so he figured out how to antagonise them. A trip to the park would go like this: we get there, I watch him venture out, then I watch him being chased by a group of kids and then he comes to sit next to me until we leave. When he would come to sit down, he was jubilant. He'd had a great time. It had worked. Another one would unwittingly entertain the other kids because he had such outlandish ideas and did 'crazy' stuff. I am so glad that they never went to school because the majority of their time was spent at home with each other and they got along famously. They went to extracurricular activities - music, dance - and as that was in small doses and spent only in class, they didn't have the problem of socialising in the standard way. As adults, they socialise just fine in the amount they choose. Their 'isolated' childhood, if anything, gave them time to study how people behave (literature, news, films, conversations, friends and family) and become mature enough to be able to understand how it all worked rather than being thrown into it all when they were too young and would have just had to suffer through and endure the monumental amount of confusion and real isolation.

[@gigahorse1475]

I was homeschooled and you’re absolutely right. Because of that I never learned to mask effectively, but I also am more healthy and secure with myself. I know how to act around people because I did sports and clubs. There’s no need to force people to be in school and around others all day. I went to public school in 8th grade through some of high school and I tried masking but it was too much effort and made me dissociate. It’s definitely not good to mask for very long.

[@annerigby4400]

@@gigahorse1475 I think homeschooling autistic children is the only way to avoid the trauma of society. They will get moments of 'socialising' but in manageable sizes. I think putting autistic children in school is to be avoided whenever possible. Their adults need to listen to them when it comes to what they want to do.

[@OkiSmokey]

@@annerigby4400I got diagnosed late and only just before my life completely spiralled (yr 10 of highschool). It’s such a slap in the face when you realise that socialising like a “normal person” has traumatised you. You grow up thinking it’s such a simple thing, everyone does it, everyone must feel like they have to notice everything and use a script only to go home and cry and sleep, that’s just how life is! And then you go through therapy and getting a diagnosis and find out that everything was so much for you that it’s going to need serious work to get back from it. It’s such a surreal feeling. My mum talks about how she should’ve home schooled me and my brother a lot now and I agree that when it’s done right it can improve the brain development and health of an autistic person 10 fold

[@annerigby4400]

@@OkiSmokey Stories like yours and seeing my own children develop is what convinced me that school really is toxic for autistic children. I hope you have found out what advantages there are in being autistic. There definitely are advantages, but often they go unnoticed or are seen as odd or weird by neurotypicals. Be you and enjoy being you.

[@OkiSmokey]

@@annerigby4400 definitely, im lucky that my family is super disability friendly so now i have a much more healthy space and am working towards a diploma! its all about finding what works for you and then you blossom, especially when the people around you dont see you as "odd"

[@alejandro-314]

I always been scare of "going outside to play". Even today, as a father, I just can't handle playground interactions (with other parents and kids). Worst part was that my mother thought I didn't have sufficient friends (I had one friend, it was sufficient for me) so she settled playdates with the children of any acquittance she had. All were horrible experiences. She gave up eventually.

[@xXDemkaBelikovXx]

My mother would do this to me too. She had one friend who she always scheduled us to go over, but she did foster care, so I never really knew if I was going to see the same kids I saw before, and it was hard because I'd get attachment issues... It was very odd.

[@Lion-rf8xi]

The other kids chased me through the neighborhood on their bikes... Nothing has changed.

[@alejandro-314]

​@@Lion-rf8xi I'm sorry to hear that. What a bunch of savages. Society needs to change. I experienced harassment mostly in high school.

[@Lion-rf8xi]

@@alejandro-314 You have no idea... Not just in my childhood, teenage years, adult life... I have wanted to die from the abuse many times. You ever see lord of the flies? Hannibal? Rose Mary's baby? Parts of my life are literally horror movies. Now I'm forty and I'm made out of stone.

[@kkuudandere]

Constantly flip-flopping for years between "yeah, me being autistic would make a lot of sense" and "or I could be faking it or just not understand myself at all!" But alone time, prior notices, and noise cancelling headphones/earplugs are already my JAM, so I'll just keep it up even if I'm not lol (and yes, I also loathed being told to go outside and play with other kids, when all I wanted to do was sit inside and read. At least I was happy to play with the little pillbugs in our yard or make a chalk drawing on occasion)

[@starlight7567]

That’s exactly my situation jdjsdksdks plus I also adored playing with pillbugs especially when I was in kindergarden. They are still my favourites to this day 🫶

[@alanguest1979]

I’m intrigued how you could possibly “fake autism”! Never mind how you fake it, it’s what you’re supposed to fake gets me!

[@Stick_and_stone]

I've seen an example of someone thinking they are autistic because they had "t rex arm" or something. Just one trait, as far as was shown in the video.

[@ijustdocomments6777]

Reckon you just do whatever Sheldon Cooper does, or I'm sure that's what plenty of people think.

[@taoist32]

@@Stick_and_stoneT. rex arms are normal, but not sure if that person is trying to faking being autistic. Maybe he/she is hesitant about looking deeper and just wants the diagnosis immediately to explain other behaviors.

[@IceFireofVoid]

Well according to Tiktok, autism is when you dress like a small child and suck on a pacifier and dance when you hear music you like and eat with small spoons.

[@Stick_and_stone]

@@taoist32 No but I mean people might be taking a single trit they have and assuming they are autistic based on that. Can't say for sure though wether people are faking it, I don't use tiktok.

[@digiscream]

Ah yes, Gen X. When we were bullied relentlessly, when getting on the treadmill from primary school to university was all-important for fear of being one of the underclass, when being different in _any_ way justified violence against you on a daily basis unless you had a real defence against it, when even our teachers joined in with the bullying, and when we rarely saw one or both of our parents because of the way the early 70s wrecked the economy and nobody wanted to live that way again. When we overcompensated when we became parents, and gave our kids far too much to be scared of because we were terrified of them living the way we did. Yep, we were really living our best lives. Or...more accurately, those of us with rich parents and a loose attitude to social morals were.

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

Yep, that sort of attitude makes it incredibly hard to get a diagnosis as many of us were forced to repress our emotions and reactions from an early age to the point where we may not have any idea about how much we're suffering due to the just general numbness. Which becomes a bit of a double whammy as many of us were missed in childhood when it makes the biggest difference, and then were functioning just well enough not to be evaluated properly when the diagnostic criteria were more reasonable and then weren't grandfathered in when the criteria were changed to exclude many of the higher masking autistics that were most likely to be completely untreated and unsupported because we weren't in bad enough shape to justify figuring in when the changes were being debated. The whole thing is a rather depressing mess and even though there's brain scan technology now that could be used to help identify those that were missed as being something along the lines as "autistic not specifically identifiably present in early childhood" as that is a much-needed diagnosis for the same reason that people that aren't diagnosed as being ADHD until adulthood have different needs from those that were fortunate enough to grow up with accommodation and the self-knowledge that comes from that.

[@BeeWhistler]

And let’s face it, the struggle is so hard just to get physical healthcare that it’s hard to imagine putting yourself through that Hell and more to obtain a diagnosis. I mean, you almost have to get a lawyer to persuade some doctors to admit you need treatment for visible conditions, and have to shop around for doctors and pay a copay at every visit. Who has the energy and the money to do that for mental health? (yeah I am in the US, hence the mention of money)

[@BilliesCraftRoom]

Humiliated and mocked by teachers when asked to read outloud, just have the bullies more fuel. Don't even get me started about pe. At least I have words for this now, hello dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalcula, stims and take a bow adhd. Screw uni, once I wasn't legally required to be in school I was out of there as fast as I could. Learnt more in my own ways, school and society feels too much 'one size fits all's and goal based trading curling comparison to each other. Such a restrictive society. But thankful to you tube, Met and others sharing their TRUE LIVED experiences.

[@rbmw981]

The same teacher that bullied me in primary school was nice to me when I wasn't coping in the corridor all upset about something. It was an absolute shock to the system being in her class for the first time.. she used to take me out of classes for dyslexia and other learning problems in all my other classes and give me support! And told me how non of it is my fault. All my difficulties with words etc.. she really made me believe in myself having Dyslexicia, Dyspraxia and Dyscalculia.. but in 1996 on the morning of day 1 in her class she decided to ask for a helper! Asked kids to put their hands up! For help with taking the register. Lots did! She came over to me. I didnt put my hand up Mrs Pollard I said. Oh? Don't be daft! I know how much you like to do stuff with me she said! True.. I did! I got excited every time she came to get me from other classes when I was in them. So you're gonna be my helper? I didn't answer. But was given the register! Read out everyone's names then! You can take the registration this morning! How lovely! She knew I struggled reading.. and pronouncing words! The whole class laughed at me! She stood there and watched me be laughed at and encouraged them to redicule me being slow. She had me take the the hole register when I was trying to stop. Even though I was in tears now and was stimming whchi I don't normally do as I hid that from people and gotten laughed at for that too.. she was making fun of my stims and was pointing out how weird it is. She told me I'm abit slow.. kids clapped her words. She said all sorts. Every kid hung on her words. Every mean comment about the way I was reading was met with yet more laughter from the class! Then after that she asked what year is it to me? I don't know Miss I said. My memory was just gone with all I'd just put up with. She sat me in the corner facing the wall calling me a dunce. I refused to go into school the next day. Similar happened throughout all of that year. I enjured more bullying from teachers encouraging students in on it when I went into senior school. One teacher was fired for the way they treated me. The first time the class stopped joining in on it because she had gotten phisical. They all wrote statements. The odd teacher would actually be nice. I'm left traumatised by my school years. I left in 2002. The adults should have known better. But I fear not much has changed with the lack of support for neurodiverse individuals. I had no support for my additional learning difficulties such as dyslexicia in senior school.

[@Valeria-sx7uv]

lol, I was born in the 90s and it's my life experience

[@AM-sw9di]

When purple Ella said that it was a privilege to get through school and childhood unscathed... for some reason that makes me feel better about really struggling now and not hitting the milestones I'm expected to, because of the trauma I experienced. But also not seeing myself as a victim is so important too, because the more I dwell on those things the more I feel terrible and feel my life is doomed. Okay I haven't hit the milestones and I have c-ptsd, but that doesn't mean I'm doomed. It makes life very difficult and I wish it were different, I wish I didn't find everything so difficult, but I'm working on it everyday because I do have some hope that I can enjoy my life and not let those experiences dictate my future.

[@drtaverner]

Gen-X here. We didn't even have applicable autism diagnoses when I was a kid. DSM-II lumped us with Schitzophrenia, and DSM-III required an Autism Diagnosis to be cognitively impaired and uncommunicative. I was actively bullied, by adults and kids, by family and educators. Even with my ADD/H (ADHD in DSM-V), Sensory Processing and Motor Skills issues, I was as neglected, or moreso, than everyone else. Help came from no-one. I was reminded by a friend of two incidents in grade 10 where one teacher physically taped up my face so I'd stop asking questions, and another called me (and my brother) stupid in front of a class. But, why pay attention to us, in case we needed help, or support?

[@soundconjurer4380]

"Asking for it" is a phrase I am all too familiar with. Disgusting, victim blaming is pretty vile.

[@meadowrae1491]

YES, so many people think you're "doing it on purpose." I mainly got this with social interactions and misunderstandings. People literally thought I was showing off or manipulating them when I didn't know what was going on. I was attractive when I was younger and didn't realize it (yay, autism?) I just thought I had to try really hard. I remember struggling so much to learn to ride a bicycle. I kept falling off and having cuts all over my legs and arms. I finally did learn to ride a bike, but people spent a long time laughing about how bad I was at learning to ride. In high school I used physical exercise as an outlet, but stated plainly that I could not do any sport that required "a racket or bat." Basically I was not going to be able to hit a ball flying at me. This all makes sense in retrospect.

[@wizardoforbs]

If anything, I find that after my recent diagnosis (at 26), I feel very nervous about sharing the fact I'm autistic with anyone beyond my friends and the content creators who are also on the spectrum and make informative content (such as you). I've only told my brother in my family, and I'm still unsure about telling my mother-in-law (despite my boyfriend having been diagnosed with ADHD). I don't know how to proceed in terms of education and work. I don't live in a country where most people would know or understand what autism is, beyond vague stereotypes, let alone that women can have it.

[@CocoKitty19]

Hi ! I also got diagnosed recently at 26 too (high five) however, I almost immediately told my parents, sisters, in-laws and closest friends just to get rid of the "burden" . I held it close to my heart for two days before the dam broke. What I am trying to say is that I feel like there's no right or wrong way to go about it. You do you but before all else, I hope you're safe

[@Stick_and_stone]

I'm comfortable telling anyone who may confront me that I'm acting weird or if someone points out that I said something innapropiate for the situation, as I think it can explain things I otherwise don't know how to explain, but there is the chance of someone accusing you of using it as an excuse. My mother does this and it annoys me so much. Yes I bring it up a lot because it affects the way I think so it affects almost everything.

[@stephaniefronkkonneker9614]

Honest question, do you know what you want your NT family to do when you tell them "I'm autistic" ? Intellectually I understand how wildly different manifestations of autism can be different parts of a single spectrum but in practice there are no unifying threads between autistic people beyond the diagnostic criteria. One is very into loud music, one never wants anything loud ever. One is college-bound out of state, one will probably live with a guardian for the rest of her life. One wants hugs. One wants never to be touched. ....So i don't know what "Im autistic" means for me as a friend or family member other than "get to know me as a person" or maybe just "assume good intent" ...or "dont assume I want what you want" and.... That is also how I want other people to treat me as a NT but I also seldom get treated that way. And... Then I've stumbled right into hallmark invalidating. I dont know how or when to relate or differentiate. So I'm honestly lost. I dont know what to do with being given someone else's diagnosis. And that comes from someone who actually watches autistic KZbinrs and before that autistic bloggers. So....I dont know how to get found but I'm trying.

[@BillieGote]

​@@stephaniefronkkonneker9614that is such a good question, thank you. I'm going to have to spend some time thinking on what sorts of responses I would appreciate or am subconsciously seeking when I am compelled to share that I'm autistic. You're right that people generally don't know what that means, or how they should respond, or whether they're even going to be capable of a healthy response. I'm sure we all know some individuals who are just as likely to double-down on the abuse and mind games as if our sharing that information is an invitation to further exploit us. Given that most healthcare providers, including psychologists that are supposedly trained to diagnose autism, do not fully understand autism in all its many presentations, at this point in time it probably is asking too much of the general population to be able to understand it sufficiently. Above all, we need more research, a faster track to inform clinical practice, and more education overall. At the same time we also need active intervention to stamp out misinformation and ignorance. Some such sources are heavily funded and that monetary support needs to stop and be redirected away from propaganda and toward the actually autistic community. It's so encouraging to see pockets of genuinely helpful, informative, and humanizing knowledge slowly moving towards mainstream. Until minds, hearts, and attitudes are changed concerning autistic people, we are probably better off informing others of specific difficulties we experience and ask them for the support / accommodation that they might afford us. Because for now, autism is still such a loaded concept -- rife with decades-old misunderstandings, biases, and devastatingly harmful stigma.

[@Ann963]

@@stephaniefronkkonneker9614 Thank you for your earnest question. If someone shares personal information with you, whether it is an official diagnosis or a suspected self diagnosis, you thank them. They are being vulnerable and authentic with you. This is a gift. Thank them, tell them they can tell you what would help them be more comfortable, and ask how autism affects them. Ask if there is anything you can do to make things more accessible to them so they can be better included. I am late diagnosed at age 32; I am 35 now. The way you ask and so thoroughly explain yourself, the fact you are watching multiple actually autistic KZbinrs, and your desire to do the right thing even though you are so confused…. Is it possible you are also autistic (or other neurodivergence)? Not knowing the proper social thing to do when someone discloses personal information sounds potentially autistic to me… It could also simply be an artifact of living in such an ableist society, that no one really knows what to do in that case. My two cents. ❤

[@its.Lora.]

Even when an adult was diagnosed during childhood, they still get random strangers on the internet saying theyre faking it. The accusations on social media anymore are super out of hand.

[@sassylittleprophet]

I absolutely HATE THAT. That comment that Ella got about "over-identifying as a victim," how is that for some random person to decide and completely invalidate what they've been through? It's another way of calling someone "overly sensitive" because they're not responding in a way that suits this random person, or they're not growing/healing fast enough for this random person...everyone heals their own way in their own time. The entitlement some people think they have on someone else's life.

[@AliceBunny05]

also you can't over-identify as a victim. you either have or have not been a victim of something. even people who don't "identify" as victims are still victims. the whole "I refuse to be a victim" sentiment actually just addresses the refusal to adopt a victim mindset, which is different than being able to admit you were a victim of something and there's nothing wrong with that.

[@linden5165]

I'm Gen X and was so traumatised by things that happened as an adolescent and in my 20s. I'm still friends with people I grew up with and we're all messed up by it, yes we internalised it and we've had to do so much work as adults. I'm autistic, sensitive and emotional and my friends are sensitive too - and it's what I love about them, it makes them strong, wise, and caring. There was a lot of toxicity back then and so much misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, racism, bigotry of every kind, and yes teachers who perpetrated it all too. There are things I like about our generation and we had some good music but we can't idealise those years when so many people were treated so badly. I am glad about the changes in society, while some in our generation might not be part of making them happen, many of us are.

[@TransGuyShane]

"It's not something you did before" 😢 man I get this alot at the moment , especially with my mum. I have suffered with agoraphobia for over 10 years and it has meant I have been housebound for that long aswell. Since I found I have adhd and autism I have started talking about it more often and have been able to identify my autistic triggers. My mum keeps asking why I am doing xyz or why I am talking about it. And it's just like, now I know what is going on in my brain I am able to talk about it and explain why I am doing what I am doing. Since I found out my brain works differently I have been able to understand myself better and that should be a good thing. She should be glad I am now able to understand myself better, not being negative about it. Edit - love your mums hair ❤️

[@stesj4]

What would I do without you guys? I'm a self diagnosed ASD since about a month, listening to youtubers like you have open up so much self awareness that I never before think was even possible. Love to you all. I'm definitely getting a official diagnose.

[@stesj4]

@@pistachioracle I know. Watching these videos really opens up a lot. I'm planning to search for ASD groups where quirks are normal and understood for what they are. Like you said those meltdown and cut-offs now got an explanation. And in same strange way knowing that I can't do nothing about them give me some acceptance and peace.

[@saphirfly5242]

Undiagnosed person here. The first tiktok was probably the most validating thing I’ve seen all day. I go out of my way to wear earbuds, earplugs, noise cancelling headphones, and to stay away from loud places because I need to and I appreciate the accommodations. I spend time alone a lot, sit in corners, hover by walls, hide behind things, and do classwork underneath tables because it’s less stressful, less anxiety inducing (I do have an SAD diagnosis), and less distracting. I wear sunglasses when I get the chance to, I carry around fidgets and comfort items, I have a doctors note so I can have a specific type of bad at my school that we normally can’t have, and other things like that because they help me. I have a quiet room that I sit in during our break (which they’re getting rid of I think) where you can have the lights off and turn on a lamp, they have have books and drawing utensils, fidgets and rolling chairs, beanbags and a big whiteboard that everyone’s free to use just for fun or to do work, and I go in there because it feels safe and I don’t have to put up with being in a classroom setting (because during breaks teachers either let the kids shout and run around the class or they won’t let them speak or move a muscle). Lastly, we have a new class where you learn about disabilities and neurodivergence, and then you get to become friends with someone at the school who has one, and even though I’m in the half of the class for people who are supposed to be neurotypical and such, I get to hang out with a community of people I relate to and learn about the people I don’t fully understand that are also struggling, because I actually want to. I’m not sure about medicating my issues (comorbidities, not autism itself, which I’m aware doesn’t have a cure and I personally wouldn’t want to cure it anyways), but other than that, I would take all of the support that the person was being offered, because I actually want it and need it. That’s how I know I’m not faking it, at least for today (darn imposter syndrome).

[@Elektrakosh]

I hate how doctors/nurses in my GP call it learning difficulties and not Autism. I mean as soon as I told them that I have brain fog after I had covid they sent me letters with pictures on them with simple wording on how to make appointments, etc...I was so livid! I did ask them politely that I don't need those kind of prompts. My nurse still calls it learning difficulties and no matter how much I contest that she still calls it that. Being born as Gen X (late 70's) and living my life in the early 80's wasn't plain sailing neither.

[@laurenjb7]

Kind of off veering off topic, but I have always found the term attention seeking interesting in of itsself. Like it's thrown around as just such a horrendous thing to be, and I have certainly had encounters with "attention seeking" people that were difficult. But I do think it's odd we use it with such venom, like everyone seeks attention in some form or another, and usually for good reason. When I worked in both a psych hospital and supported living, the sentence "oh she's just attention seeking" was said constantly, used to dismiss the person. Like yes she's seeking attention, but why?! Usually that behaviour was directly related to the diagnosis they had, or a situation they were currently in, and needing assistance. I don't know I just think we should be less judgemental when people behave in "attention seeking" ways, and ask ourselves why they may be doing this, and try to be more compassionate.

[@tracik1277]

I got a lot of that said to me as a child (when having proper meltdowns for example, or when I had a serious ear infection, or when I caught my finger in a wooden deck chair) and now I am *terrified* of asking for help or admitting I need anything, including medical attention.

[@fleurdelalune8745]

This. I think people are uncomfortable with the idea of helping someone who they don't understand, so instead of trying to understand and help, they label them as "attention seeking" to dismiss them.

[@IceFireofVoid]

Yeah people who have attention seeking behaviors usually have some reason somewhere in their life why they feel the need to have that validation so badly. Sometimes it's especially concerning when they are people attention seeking to get negative attention. It can be a sign of child neglect or very low self worth. The ones seeking negative attention may have never known positive attention so they think any is good. These are people who need to be looked into more deeply to find the root of it.

[@chloecrawford5426]

With my kids, I reframe it as 'connection seeking'. Once we are connected, we can figure out a more positive way to fill the need rather than annoying their brother or jumping on the couch.

[@xotoast]

I work with 2-6 year old and my boss will dismiss children all the time with attention seeking. They're babies!! They need help!!

[@Stardusk123]

i feel like nobody talks about dyscalculia. Nice to see it in a video.

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

I feel like there should be an exception made for people with executive functioning disorders. The hoops you have to go through just to get an appointment to be evaluated, never mind the work of collecting data and participating in the diagnostic process, is a lot. When I was on public health insurance due to not having a job that gave me health coverage and not making enough to pay my own way, I wound up giving up on trying to get help with my diagnosed ADHD the correct way at a psychiatrists office and wound up just asking my GP to give my the prescription. Which, is apparently normal around here that the GP winds up writing those prescriptions for adults as there are basically no psychiatrists around here that know how to treat ADHD in adults beyond the same prescriptions. ASD is even worse as there's a view that it's a rare condition and nobody seems to agree about where precisely to draw the line.

[@dinosaurs_rule]

Your channel is soooo underrated. Thank you for the videos you make, they've really helped me. You, Purple Ella and Chloe Hayden are some of my favourite autistic content creators so it was lovely to see them featured in this video too 💛💛💛

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Thank you so so much! 💛💛💛💛

[@dinosaurs_rule]

@@imautisticnowwhat 💛💛💛💛💛

[@Roz-90]

I developed a special interest in the Titanic around the time the movie came out when I was 7. Kids around me were surprised that I was interested in the actual ship and events, and had no interest in the movie at all. Thankfully, one of my dad's special interests is ocean liners, so I got to have great conversations with him about it!

[@Kira_Nakasashi]

I remember having to say to someone that asking me to just deal with loud noises or uncomfortable smells or uneasy situations was like telling a blind person to "just see" or telling a lame person to "just walk". She was an older generationer.

[@its.Lora.]

Im "elder millennial" so "baby gen x" were the big kids when i was in school. I fully feel what Ella was saying. Growing up female neurodiverse back in the 1980s-90s was not a good time at all. I was missed by the system, totally bullied by classmates and teachers, abused by family, treated like total crap to the point i become very low and depressed. It was not a perfect world back in 80s and 90s. Sure there was a bunch of cool stuff and i miss some things about life prior to social media but it definitely wasnt this perfect time period. No time has been perfect.

[@parkerryann]

watching your videos as an undiagnosed person gives me so much comfort and makes me feel so seen. thank you 💞

[@nikitatavernitilitvynova]

My mom for example is very traumatized by my many surgeries I had as a baby. My response to it was: "Well I'm still alive and that matters! Look at me! Yay even with such a crooked body I'm still here. What a crazy story!" which may sound extremely rude to some as my mom was going through a really dark time in her life because of me. And me laughing about it doesn't sound the best. But I truly am happy. It's my body and it's one of the ways I can stay positive.

[@superdrwholock]

Honestly I think some people do fake having autism or ADHD because it’s suddenly trendy. I say this as someone with those things lol, but I think we should look in to why someone would fake it rather than dismiss everyone’s experiences. There’s clearly a reason for someone to want to be recognised as having an issue, it just might not be the issue they think it is. And it’s such a hard discussion because there’s so many autistic people and ADHD people, particularly AFABs, who are under diagnosed or misdiagnosed, so it’s difficult to know. I don’t think we should be accusing individuals of faking things if you’re not a professional, but at the same time, I also believe I have seen examples of people faking things for attention. But they still must need attention for them to want to go to such lengths to get it

[@owli-wankenobi3727]

"Well, you could get noise-canceling headphones, more alone time, notifications before a big change happens." "I'm not really interested in any-" Me: Shut up and take my money!!

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

Being at the young end of Gen X kind of sucks. Autism was must more strictly defined when we were kids, and by the time it was redefined, we were already most of the way grown up. Then, for the younger part of the generation, the diagnosis was yanked back if we weren't fortunate enough to get all burned out and diagnosed.

[@RutabegaNG]

Elder Gen X heren(1970, US). No one got out of that time unscathed, anyone who says they did are lying to themselves. Even benign neglect is harmful, and that can be seen in the fierce defense of a childhood where we had to become adults before we hit puberty. We had a lot of experiences that today would - rightfully - be seen as abusive or dangerous or otherwise unhealthy. And if you were different - different brain, different religion, different skin color, different economic status - it was much worse. Anyone who brags about being bullied is inherently broken.

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Exactly. I had to decide to go with my mother at 11 and tell my mother my father was dangerous at 10. Only for when she did for her to suffer depression and not care til she remarried had my brother and abandon me as a mother in all things. It hurt and I’m meant to let it go along with all the other trauma of being rejected and at 54 I’m still rejected for no longer faking it

[@a_me_1]

I got diagnosed last Tuesday. I'm a bit scared to tell anyone for these reasons. I've told two friends but I'm scared to tell others because I'm already picking up on a little bit of infantilisation from a few of my mums friends which is frustrating. I'm relieved to have a professional diagnosis now though despite the fact that It's still sinking in.... As always thank you for these videos, it's so reassuring to have a place to read and listen to others experiences too😄.

[@sabbath2112]

I remember loving the idea of team sports as a kid, but hated always being told by my dad, coaches, or teammates that I wasn't trying hard enough. I believe I struggle with dyspraxia as well, which led to me being made fun of growing up. Also, I'm not competitive, and didn't see any point in competition as a kid. I was there for the fun of it, and to make friends, but it was always a problem to some people. Even as an adult, doing certain tasks that require coordination in front of people makes me feel like I'm being set up to be embarrassed if I have never been taught the "right" technique.

[@caitie-can4572]

Dear Meg, I love your personality and your videos so much!! You have helped me realise I am dyspraxic (as well as having already been diagnosed as autistic) and I am currently in the process with getting diagnosed. I relate to your experiences of having your teachers and classmates get frustrated with you for ‘Not trying’. My whole childhood I’ve had people saying that to me or just becoming annoyed at me in pe lessons and basically any physical activity and now I know that there’s a reason for why I struggle so much more with things than other people. So thankyou 🥰

[@zametal.]

The whole "oh this is interesting" view on a bad/horrible experience does sound just like dissociation to me. It is useful in those situations, but usually comes back to bite us when we have not processed anything that happened, but merely "saved it (to be processed) for later". Eventually it is "later". And working through trauma is always difficult. Sometimes especially if the actual situation is long ago and we feel that others cannot (anymore) relate to why we are having our emotional reaction belated, or "still", or why we are only now working through it. Not criticizing you, I was just reminded of how what that other person said sounded like the "advice to dissociate", and having had exactly that thought "oh, that was an interesting experience. I learned something new there", only to realize two decades later that it was actually something horrible, and having ptsd from it, just made me want to comment on that recommendation. Just want to say: it is okay to react (e.g. emotionally) strong to bad situations you are in, and you don't have to re-frame them into "having learned" something or having an "interesting experience". It is okay to be angry. It is okay to be upset. And it is likely more helpful for you, in the long run, too. There is no moral or intellectual high ground in dissociating your trauma. If you do/did, that is okay too, of course. We dissociate because it is a coping mechanism, that is used when necessary. I just want to say that it is nothing to "aspire" to or to suggest to others who are struggling. So I guess that is why that idea of having someone doing that in a TED talk triggered this wall of text reaction from me. I hope reading this is not overwhelming. Loved the video. You and all the tiktokers are super cool

[@nessknows.]

I struggle to allow myself to be upset about bad things that have happened because I disassociated to such an extreme that I would believe people when they gaslighted me fully. You are correct, it does come back later to bite you and it happens when you think things are going well in life. All of a sudden you will either start self sabotaging (usually causing other negative things to focus on because your mind knows it’s still too painful) or you get flashbacks and have no choice but to deal with it. Putting it off and not allowing yourself to see that something is wrong, in my experience, leads to similar negative outcomes in the future.

[@delilahhart4398]

I wasn't diagnosed with autism until i was 44. I had to take a PE course in college when I was in my late teens, and I opted to take racquetball. I ended up flunking it, because my eye-hand coordination was so bad that I had trouble hitting the ball.

[@chloecrawford5426]

I just found this channel.... 35yr old, self diagnosed Autistic, married with 2 kids. My friend (ADHDer) sent me an article about Autism in Women... and it was seriously like discovering myself for the first time ever, so many bits of my life just clunked into place and made sense. Off to binge watch your channel now.... Also, my childhood special interest was Henry VIII's wives 😂

[@aka.roryyy]

i'm going to follow ella now bc that is the type of content i need. i'm also a baby gen x'er, aka xennial, & i feel that. esp in my teens, i *wanted* friends (i wasn't allowed bc religion,) & i *wanted* to go out, but i mostly really just wanted to stay home & play on the computer (such as it was in the 90's) or nintendo. it's so weird tho bc my experience of my peers is very... different. we seemed more open than our parents, everyone called us whiny slackers... we were the "whatever" generation bc we were so jaded so young. but that didn't stop us from trying to change things. we were fern gully & free willy. i have to say i'm pretty disappointed in the older x'ers who seem to have become boomers part 2. (not that all boomers are insufferable, but yk.)

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

I was doing endurance competitions and serving in Bosnia in the 90s and was absolutely addicted to command and conquer 🤣🤣 in the RAP where I resided as duty medic for half my time to avoid sharing a room with younger woman 🤣🤣. Now I wish I’d never served when I’ve see the wars and lies of my own

[@demonboiinick]

Im so tired of my therapists and counselors telling me to get diagnosed because they beleive i have it then my pchyciatrist sayig "no every kid thinks they have it so im not testing you" because of the fakers..

[@nickmagrick7702]

13:30 bravo to her, actually taking the criticism to heart and not treating it like an attack. It can be really hard not to live in the past if you feel like your past or your childhood was robbed from you, or if you have disadvantages that you want to be acknowledged and turning that into a reason not to succeed or even try. (ive done some of this myself)

[@NakunaruTenshi]

This is exactly the kind of video that I needed. Been going through a journey of acceptance and trauma healing. Finding love (for one's self and for others) and actually enjoying this life we have is the best thing we can do. Thank you! ❤ Ps: I have a hard time posting comments, but trying to overcome my fear.

[@jmaessen3531]

Your "Very light!" at the end of the video cracked me up 😂 I love your channel. Especially when the discussion isnt very light, its helpful to hear your voice walk us through it, which i find relaxing. 🫶🏻 Not sure if anyone else late diagnosed gets this odd sad but grateful experience 🤷🏼 In addition to the feeling of sadness that I didnt have an earlier diagnosis, Im feeling a sense of gratitude that i wasnt diagnosed in the 90s. Thats when i was in elementary/primary school. I think in my case, the bullying would have been much more brutal had it been named autism. From children and adults around me. There were some higher support needs autistic kids in my close vicinity who couldnt mask and they were treated terribly. 😢 Not that my heavy masking was great. The skin picking that resulted is a big thing I'll need to unlearn and replace with healthier stims. I dont know. In some ways it may have been better, in some ways it may have been worse. What a weird experience it is on either route to diagnosis!

[@janeb2958]

Oh the PE teacher torment! I really recognise that experience - and that of Gen X in general (Gen X, waiting to get in the queue for autism diagnosis because my GP kept saying "but you have a job" - and I'm like "I can only work part time, and it is slowly destroying me, and I think this is the key to the Mystery of Me, please REFER ME"). Grrr!

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

I get the feeling cheated bit, also late diagnosed. I cried because it wasn't something that would change then I proceeded to blame everything under the sun on my anxiety disorders because those could be improved without society randomly deciding to stop being shit to anyone different. denial didn't help of course but I'm the traumatized child of an in denial autistic boomer I'm still learning how to actually human in a healthy way. Mom wasn't a good Mother or partner but she was acceptable company if you didn't live with her. When Ella said they are Gen X it hit me like a truck how old Mom would be now if she hadn't denialed herself to death I'm having feelings about it not sure which ones.

[@ralphisxamida8533]

"I know autism is a spectrum but we had autistic people here before and they didn't had problems with strangers in the class." After I pleased to inform me if that will happen.

[@criostoirbartlett1078]

I'm Gen X and hated school. I was depressed and believe I had a breakdown before I was even 10 years old. I was told I was thick, made to sit on a stupid table, I was called disruptive, I could never sit still and only interested in subjects I liked. (How Autistic.) I had to see a 'special' lady every now and again (I had no idea why which singled me out and made me depressed and different) obviously a psychiatrist even into my secondary school. I was diagnosed with Autism in 2020 and ADHD a few months ago. When I look back I really feel for myself going through all of that and how much better life would've been if we knew about Autism and ADHD back then. I was constantly being told to ''act like a man'' or ''pull your socks up and get on with it." I'm so glad that kids can get help now and that there's more understanding.

[@gmlpc7132]

Purple Ella made a very good point about the lack of supportiveness and even hostility towards people who are struggling in their lives, not just with autism but with other conditions and life experiences. It's true that some people are remarkably resilient and somehow able to "get over it" or "stand up for themselves". Many people - probably the majority - who go through adversity don't have those resources whether they are psychological, financial or practical. Coping with autism is especially hard because autistic people usually have difficult life histories and lack the kind of social network that can offer support. It's great that some people can cope so well but completely wrong to expect everyone else to do the same.

[@Baka_Crazy]

8:48 My mother in a nutshell... I still am angry at her since she never believes in psychology. And since I told her what she did wrong she nerver apologised. No she said she never said mean words to me and she never behaved angry (She did quite often) Thanks for your channel. It helps me a lot. I learned a lot about myself and I hope the psychotherapist (it takes a lot of time to get a psychotherapist in Germany) will listen to my assumptions I have. I know that I am no expert but at least I can talk about my problems I have and you gave me words for it. I will not directly tell my suspicion but some key words are perfect to get a diagnosis

[@Same_Local.Insomnic]

Allistic people will never understand the autistic happiness and excitement that comes with finding out a person or character you love and or relate to is autistic too

[@kelynmay3663]

As an older millenial raised gen-x-y by gen xers, whenever I see that all I here is "we were neglected physically and emotionally by our parents, and deeply internalized that, how dare you make me face the very real repercussions from that"

[@ashleyien1222]

I'm a Gen Xer / Xennial ... I never had to deal with the play in street thing because I was English in a French area and didn't know anyone. I mostly played by myself or with my sister, or our cousins on weekend. School was horrible though... I was bullied and when I told a teacher at lunch time once, the girl who dumped juice over my lunch told a teacher "1 was just trying to be her friend"... the teacher was "See, she's just trying to be your friend, no go play."... so I never told again in elementary school. When I'd come home in tears in elementary & high school, my babyboomer parents were like "don't be so sensitive", "don't react and they'll leave you alone."... well, a lot of these people bullying me wouldn't stop what they were doing UNTIL I reacted. They'd just keep going until I cracked. I couldn't figure out how to not react to it. How I could just ignore it. The schools ignored it. My parents ignored it. I told and it was ignored. Years later there was a think about bullying on TV and I told my parents "that's me... that's what I went through".... and they were like "why didn't you tell us?" 😫 I did... many times and was told to grin and bear it... I failed at peopling in school and was tormented because of it. I also failed at pretending it wasn't happening or that it didn't bother me. Burying my head under my arms on my desk and trying not to cry was a daily occurrence in high school... it didn't help me I'm sure... but I couldn't just ignore all the insults, harassments, vandalism of my locker and belongings... I didn't always cry at school, even if I hid my head... but I cried every night in my bedroom. Sometimes would put on music after and sing & dance to feel better. (I'm still trying to figure out if I'm autistic or not... I think so... but I feel like I failed at everything, even masking before like 20 if I am... I was just the shy, quiet, sensitive, good student in school who had no friends or any clue how to make friends and was tormented by certain other students for being ugly, weird, etc.... mostly I was just called ugly and fat, though I wasn't even overweight at the time.) Sorry for rambling.

[@Warspite03]

Never been a big Titanic fan, but Battleships are my jam! My favourites are HMS Warspite and USS New Jersey. They make up for me not having an interest in Trains. (Although as Chloe Hayden has mentioned in another vid that Ships are sea Trains)😂

[@undergroundDisc]

the statement about trying to hit the ball in like P.E. and being unable to reminds me of how, every year at school, i am not only the slowest runner, someone who tries very hard, but also fails at many sports. a lot of things you have mentioned before, not only about this, but also things about autism have felt very relatable. i want to consult a professional and started making a document about things i can remember that seem to fit.. but i do not think i will get a diagnosis or even see a professional to speak about it soon at all, and stuff. also, i see so many people faking autism and don’t know if i am doing it. i feel horrible even at the thought. i do not think i am faking symptoms, i think that if i was faking, i would know.. still makes me feel bad. either way, your youtube channel makes me feel very accepted! thank you! anyway, sorry that was all super random.. awesome video as always! :D

[@undergroundDisc]

oops. i wrote a lot.

[@Anna-ep7uk]

I'm diagnosed autistic and literally gaslight myself into thinking i don't have it. People faking having it are something else oml

[@rafaelschipiura9865]

I was bullied in school until I was 6 and all teachers and other adults ignored it, until the bully locked the door of a bathroom we went in and tried to hit me. I smashed his teeth in on the rim of a toilet. Everyone left me alone afterwards. It's very different for boys.

[@tracik1277]

Sometimes you just have to show them that they are f**king with the wrong person.

[@LittlePotatoeSky]

The sparkly guitar is my big focal point in me watching your videos

[@MSunhee]

I love your videos! Since my realization at age 42 that I’m autistic and my diagnosis last week, I’ve been binge watching autism videos. Yours are so accurate and validating. I also am pleasantly distracted by how gorgeous the color of your shirt is on you lol

[@kiwimiwi5452]

15:23 I do that. I have a place within myself I step back to to just observe. Sometimes I go there when things are unexpected or a bit unpleasant, like doing something during heavy rain. I just start laughing then, thinking "I get to be in this human body and have this funky experience. How interesting!" Other times these situations are actually quite heavy. One time we were locked in our school with over a hundred people from the police and special force outside trying to keep us safe and the threat away. I just knew we would be okay, I could retreat into that space and just observe. [the potential threat was in the school building next to ours. We were allowed to speak and move. Nobody got hurt. We aren't in America, so this very out of the ordinary and an especially big deal.] I'm just glad I have that space.

[@BillieGote]

Okay, you just officially made my day with this video. Everything you observed was just so spot-on and real and compassionate. I love the sense of humor with which this often sobering and difficult topic is presented. I already subscribed months ago, but I plan to share this video with at least two people that might possibly be open enough to change & learn something here. I can't subscribe twice, but on your prompt today I set my notifications from "Highlights" to "All." I find Tik-Tok confusing and difficult (inefficient) to use, so your sharing of the most relevant content here is perfect for me. The ongoing generation discussions are interesting. I am Gen Jones -- not actually a Boomer, as I'm so far on the tail-end that I really can't relate to most of the middle & early Boomers at all. I'm also not quite a Millennial, even though I relate a lot more to the issues that are important to that group. So here I am in that little- known or acknowledged generational sliver between them, called Generation Jones. We're still here, and the autists among us at least can be a great source of new allies to help get things done. I am delighted to see in your About section that you are a second-year psychology student. I think your education shines through in the insights that are communicated so clearly and engagingly. We desperately need more autists in the field, so thank you for the work you do. I look forward to more of your content and continue to cheer you on loudly from the Pacific Northwest USA as you work toward your degree. Thanks so much, again, for helping me regain a sense today that I do belong here, regardless of the increasing levels of difficulty I face in a microcosm that I need to break free from but I'm at a loss as to where I can go that will be better. Last I've spent the last decade in continual burnout and I will keep trying to break out of it until I die in order to rest, heal, and contribute in whatever way I can to further the cause of global acceptance and appreciation of our neurotype.

[@jonathon5075]

shoutout to this incredibly positive and warm hearted channel

[@its.Lora.]

Survivors/victims who work through trauma healing (think emdr) can get to that level of self reflection. That is what healing is, it doesn't mean your truth isnt true it just means youre able to finally move forward and not frozen in all the states and phases of ptsd. I am diagnosed with ptsd and autism and trauma therapy has helped me a lot.

[@fujoshipeanut5074]

About looking back on trauma and over identifying with victimhood, I think there's truth to an extent. Still, at some point, you will have to face your trauma and properly process it before you can move on. This doesn't look like repeating and replaying the trauma, but integrating it into the story of your life so that it becomes the past and only the past and doesn't affect you so much in the present

[@dimariewaxgoddess]

Meg! You are so supportive and informative and thank you for all you do ❤❤❤

[@Elvenroyale]

Titanic-er here! It was a major special interest for me as a kid and has held a special place in my heart ever since.

[@greenspace3279]

I found your channel and it’s been an interesting thing going through. I don’t know if I’m on the spectrum, but so much of your content has resonated with my experience in specific ways that I feel very seen. My family doesn’t really have any literacy regarding mental health, and I was among the first to go to (admittedly mandated at the time) therapy due to some really harsh circumstances in high school. I eventually got an assessment for adhd about 6 months ago, and though it explains a lot there were a lot of other things that it didn’t really address. I don’t feel comfortable self diagnosing as I don’t feel like I’m qualified enough to do so, but I’ve been trying to incorporate some of the advice from your channel and other autistic content creators anyways and it has really been helping me manage myself and reframe certain limitations I have as not being moral failures. That’s a long way to say I love your work, and you make amazing and helpful content :)

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I do that 'interesting!' observation quite often. It helps. 😂 My therapist says resilience is one of my absolute strengths. And honestly if i wouldn't have it, i probably wouldn't be here now. 😅 ETA: it is mostly resilience towards traumatic and nerve wrecking events what i mean. That doesn't change the fact that i hate caughing and sniffing noises and could implode over people making them lol I function well in crisis, but I'm lost in the ordinary. (I heard that's an adhd thing)

[@akariSara.]

My ex used to use "You just don't understand", to get away with his bad behaviour. Now that phrase triggers me. Being told or believed to have less understanding to the point people will take advantage is the one harmful thing I have experienced when sharing my diagnosis with them.

[@kj3d812]

I've actually had a fascination for the Titanic for decades, like it keeps drawing me back. I try not to focus on it too much because it depresses me and it's heartbreaking in a way I can't describe, and being autistic it hits me all that much harder. I've never considered it a special interest of mine, but perhaps in a way it is.

[@erynmorgan1717]

I look forward to your videos - they are so much fun and relatable! I love watching them and wish you could do more content.

[@PlanetEarthLifeSkills]

I adore your energy! It's creative playful and obviously a full body experience. I'm 61 going on 62 (gosh I hope so. That IS the way it's supposed to work!) yet you give me permission to be my unique self and I thank you for that.😊 Shine on!!😊

[@roxyamused]

I found out I am autistic and didn't get an official diagnosis for about 3 months, which I know is on the short side. However, in just that 3 months, I had been infantilized, people sort of figuratively rolled their eyes when I said I was working on getting a diagnosis or taken my self diagnosis seriously. Meanwhile, I was beginning to experience "regression" cause I couldn't mask anymore. It's totally wild and frustrating. I melted down at work, but because I hadn't an official diagnosis, I was fired in those 3 months! I got a diagnosis from vocational rehab, which is a government service to get people with disabilities jobs, so I was lucky enough to get a free diagnosis. The US does not usually cover autism tests. It was 6 hours with a clinical psychologist! They have expensive time. I'm an older millennial (1984), so I'm working through a lot of self-blame, shame, feelings of inadequacies etc over how "lazy", "whiney", "picky", "sensitive"...

[@Morgantritherion]

Fun fact... I don't have to tell people I'm autistic for them to infantalise me.

[@SomeRandomEcho]

This makes me feel better, like what do I get “noise cancellation headphones” I love mine, “more alone time” sounds awesome, would spend so much less energy, “heads up with big changes” YES “community talking about shared experiences” I love that, so maybe I’m NOT faking… maybe my diagnosed ocd and the intrusive thoughts are trying to make me hate myself. I didn’t have a good childhood elementary school years when it came to school, I mean it sucked so so much I ended up in therapy in first grade, maybe I’m not faking. I don’t know honestly. I’m sorry, this turned into a kind of vent. Sorry.

[@sarahblack9333]

Intrusive thoughts are liars. If they're telling you you're faking, you're probably not

[@Windthroughcedars]

Regulating emotions is hard for everyone, even neurotypical people. But be neurodivergent and it makes it harder. It’s hard to know when poking the sore spots ceases to be helpful. It’s good to identify, and figure out how to treat a sore spot. Do you need to cut it open to get an infected out, or do you need to rest and let yourself heal. What ever the answer at some point poking the sore spot ceases to help. That is a very, very hard thing to learn how to do.

[@DanniBby]

Here’s the thing about when people say you don’t get to be a victim? Then who does? The justice system wouldn’t exist without the victims being treated as victims and advocated for. It’s like other people are the ones without empathy and living after being abused is harder because you still feel like you’re being abused by how people are treating you in response.

[@timothymcgovern7279]

I genuinly appreciate that I didn't hear you ask for subs until now, after I've seen a handful of your videos and considered subbing on my own.

[@joannedavies4958]

Love Purple Ella. I came across her as a fellow EDSer but the ND stuff is interesting too. I totally 💯 agree with what she says about being a gen x. I struggled growing up and didn’t feel I fitted in. Puberty was particularly challenging for me. I suspect I have Dyspraxia. Particularly when I look back on my childhood experiences. Teachers definitely didn’t understand me or help me when I struggled with things other kids seem to do with ease. They did either label you as stupid or not trying back then. I remember the time when some teacher told me I wasn’t going to be going to any private school if I didn’t pull my socks up 🙄😂 - parents sent me to a private school for a few years as I was struggling in state school. I’ve been interested in autism videos as my daughter maybe autistic. She’s waiting for an assessment atm.

[@kaisoep]

I love this channel, great vibes, lots of fun videos and of course I feel so seen and understood :-) thanks Meg!

[@BimboMousey]

I'm loving the purple dress!!! the pattern is so cool!

[@sassylittleprophet]

I haven't been officially diagnosed with autism or ADHD yet (though I know I have both), but I often am/have been infantilized almost all my life, and now it makes sense why.

[@drinkbooks]

As a Gen X human who went through those things I'm actually proud of myself that I got good enough at ignoring people as opposed to internalizing what they said to me. I don't remember what age I was when I asked myself the question, "Do you actually want to be the kind of person these people would like?" When the answer was no... that was a real change. I still got rocks thrown at me but I got better at ducking. Nothing I said or did was going to change them I just had to not change myself to become a person they would like. Not everyone was able to do that or had the friends I found that helped me through it. That's not to say that I was never a terrible person. I have been. Most of the time, looking back, I didn't realize how horrible I was being until later or how much of that terribleness was a direct result of mirroring back some of what had been done to me. I learned how not to person from abuse, I learned how to person from books and media. I got it wrong sometimes. Now I just try to be a person I like, at least most of the time.

[@QuirkyTJones]

I have an autistic niece and she’s so friggin smart, eccentric and all around awesome 🤩 and I actually like the fact that it is allowing her to be a child longer than most kids her age now a days. She’s 9 but loves plushies. She has a lot and they go everywhere with her. They (my niece & the plushies) are always conversing with each other and I absolutely love it bc it’s so entertaining and intriguing. But these TikTok kids are getting out of hand with diagnosing themselves with all kinds of things. People also need to understand that autism is also a spectrum and some have more severe autism than others.

[@bradiedean7466]

I legit thought I was subscribed and only realized I wasn't bc you mentioned it, so thank you! Situation is remedied!

[@WillyWONT]

LMAO AT THE END OF THE VIDEO WHEN YOU SAID "??A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO WATCH THIS CHANEL AREN'T SUBSCRIBED YET,, WHY" I REALIZED I WASN'T SUBSCRIBED YET

[@rebeccabrownandhoneyberry]

The Titanic was one of my first special interests and I too was bullied mercilessly at school.

[@DivingDeveloper]

I really like your weekly uploads - thanks for posting for us :) 🎉❤

[@powaytheband]

loving your videos. thank you we need more inclusive content like this

[@59spooky70]

Your videos make me feel seen. I appreciate that a lot.