"You're Not Ugly, You're Just Poor": A Deep Dive

[@thefinancialdiet]

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[@vanessaandreatta9098]

The only difference now is between old money vs new money. Especially for ladies, old money don't need to show off, and decide to not to get surgery. New money instead still are willing to pay the price and the risks. Old money will always win over new money, and I pretend I am part of these ppl so I don't get caught into this madness 😅

[@sienna9743]

@@vanessaandreatta9098 I wonder what old no-money vs new no-money would turn into? 🙃

[@capsulamental]

I think associating doing procedures in the US with good quality, because it's also more expensive is a little bit of a stretch. Let's not forget that the life expectation of a US' citizens is the same as in the poor Brazil

[@dandylandpuffplaysminecraf8744]

As a child people would say to my mother “what a pretty little girl “. My mother took me aside and told me “All little girls are beautiful “. My first memory of being proud of myself was when one of my father’s friends was impressed when I responded to his compliment with “All little girls are beautiful “ with delight. I was six. I still remember.

[@lacasadelmango8712]

Thank you for sharing that, what a nice memory ❤

[@whatamess8764]

If I have kids, I'm definitely doing this!

[@loveinseattle]

Not all little girls are beautiful, though... Cringe.

[@LeonardShelby112]

Some kids are ugly indeed. Unfortunately for them.

[@brandonneth7707]

algab as they say

[@bom2948]

"A little montage of celebrity men who randomly grew hair at the age of 40+" was a banger

[@poweredman]

Still, though I appreciate her worl, she's cosplaying as a "poor-people" influencer, because she appears to cater to them without actually being a part of their circles. She's the worst kind of top of the food chain predator, which is a wolf in sheep's skin. She has mingled and lived amongst the rich for most of her adult life and now has decided to also make herself a saint by showing poor people how the rich have cultivated society to benefit them and to extract from the poor. She's dangerous and I don't trust her. But I do like some of her content. The hypocrisy is hard to swallow, but it's valuable for lots of people.

[@mimipeahes5848]

@@poweredmanPlease call a therapist Immediately.

[@Buttercup697]

@@poweredmanif your American, Japanese, or western/Northern European (regardless of economic class) you are part of the top 10%, economically, on this planet.

[@poweredman]

Awwwww I love how the author is allowing insults towards my mental health but is deleting my comments in response. How just of that morally corrupt wolf!@@mimipeahes5848

[@poweredman]

LOL she's STILL deleting my answers when I insult you but your insult to my mental health is still up! This woman is such a nasty hypocrite. I'm unsubscribing.@@mimipeahes5848

[@33Jenesis]

I just try to shower, wash face, brush teeth, and keep hair clean. That’s my routine. You guys have no idea how difficult these steps can be for seniors. Mobility issues make even basic hygiene impossible without home health aid.

[@Andy-xx3tt]

I’m currently recovering from an injury and have very slowly started to regain some mobility back in my dominant arm. Adapting was a lot harder than I thought it would be because I had to completely readjust the way I do simple things and there’s other things I need help with - things as simple as putting my hair up or opening heavy doors. I feel for people that live with permanent disabilities and mobility issues. It’s true that you take health for granted until your body takes a hit and can’t function the way it used to. ❤

[@ellajorgi2478]

ooof, that's why for the past year I'm rather paying attention and putting effort into expanding my mobility while I can (just crossed the 30 threshold), so that I - hopefully! - lose it slower in the future. Which only makes it more bizarre to see at what lengths some people are ready to go for what are actually short-term wins :/

[@Emmzilla]

I’m disabled with mobility and motor issues; not all steps of the routine get done every day because I just CAN’T.

[@Emmzilla]

@@ellajorgi2478It helps if you do what you can to make your space more accessible now, too. It’s hard to move things around or renovate once your mobility is already affected.

[@StandingStones409]

One thing Chelsea missed during this essay is the commodification of 'fitness' as an accessory to beauty, when physical fitness is an end in and of itself. Function over form: Fitness is what your body can *do* (which its own kind of investment), not what your body looks like.

[@annaschmidt2]

One of the hardest things about aging is that, no matter how much you might accept getting older, you will run across others who will point out to you that you are now older, less desirable, and not worthy of respect than younger women. It's very strange. I don't know if men deal with this, but women definitely do.

[@LemonLimeJuiceBarrell]

That’s really sad. Maybe it’s because I’m in the south but I have never seen or experienced this among any men or women I have known. It’s just not something that anyone I know would even bring up because it’s incredibly rude….

[@Chaiilatte84]

Young women aren’t “worthy” of respect by men either. You have to remember that a once young woman yourself. Think about if men actually respected you or if they just faked it to try and sleep with you. I’ll let you in on a secret they faked it. Women have to respect themselves and each other and men will follow suit and if they don’t fuck them. De center men and patriarchy and your life will improve drastically.

[@billimaddi3925]

Men do deal with this, though not as bad as women. In my own community, both genders get side-eyed or gossiped if they don't marry past a certain age(mid 20s). However, Men have this flexibility as what matters more is income (bcs the culture prescribes men as the traditional breadwinners), so you have some sort of "defence". Women, sadly, are prescribed as mothers and family makers, so the pressure is definitely higher and more "hurtful".

[@hgbgakdflndbz6921]

True, these comments especially come from people who follow specific Internet ideologies and meeting these people IRL quickly reveals their personalities, so you can always disengage

[@samanthamcmillan3044]

They don't. How many men do you know who give zero fucks about their appearance? They get it to a far less extent. Agree with everything you said except for the 'respect' part. Young women don't get respect either.

[@AR-md1zq]

I often get complimented on my skin and I often say, "It took a lot of work" cause it did or "I have an extensive routine". Some people seem taken aback like I should pretend I was just naturally blessed. I think people like the fantasy and my response breaks that fantasy.

[@HanhNguyen-uk8bc]

I think it's because it reminds people of accountability. It's easier to believe that 'oh that person has nice skin because they're born with it' than to realize it takes a lot of work. You see the same response with very fit looking people-- it's all genetics-- and not acknowledging that maybe it's because they're consistent and specific with their training coupled with a good diet. Genetics DOES play a role, and there's a limit to how much you can do naturally, but too many people have an all or nothing mentality and forget to put forth effort.

[@AR-md1zq]

@@HanhNguyen-uk8bc Ahhhh I never thought of it that way. It always struck me weird that people were taken aback because it my mind I was letting them know it was possible for them to have clear looking skin. Now that you explain it that way I now understand the offense taken. BTW I had large pores, breakouts and hyperpigmentation and I read a lot, watched a lot of videos etc. to learn how to optimize my skincare.

[@HanhNguyen-uk8bc]

@@AR-md1zq I suffer from acne prone skin. Drop some skincare tips, sis lol.

[@cmntr_]

​@@HanhNguyen-uk8bc i know you didn't ask me specifically, but i'll give you some advice anyways. Cassandra bankson (medical esthetician with severe acne), dr shereene idriss (dermatologist) and dr sam bunting (dermatologist) are great resources here on youtube. Obviously if you have the resources and you feel like you need to see a doctor... do so. Things that have helped me tremendously and continue to work for me are using a gentle cleanser in the mornings and evenings, followed by a hydrating toner (i need it) and either a niacinamide+zinc serum and then sunscreen in the mornings or azelaic acid, salicylic acid or retinol and a rich yet light moisturiser in the evenings. There are lots of things that cause or exacerbate acne just like there are lots of things that make it better. Good luck and i hope my comment helped :)

[@AR-md1zq]

@@HanhNguyen-uk8bc sunscreens, retinoids and moisturizer and consistency are the base then build from there as needed

[@izuna77]

My husband is a middle school teacher and he recently told me about how the boys in his school are all about 'body maxing', and as he explains it to me I just look at him and say "that's a beauty routine, what you are describing is just all the things girls do to feel acceptable. We call them beauty routines." And he says "Yes, that's what I told them, but the boys have assured me it is completely different." I guess it's all in the branding 🤦

[@tan89284]

No it is completely different. Maxxing ones looks started from the incel community a few years ago after Elliot Rodger. At first it was purely a male thing. Now over time though, everyone is maxxing both incels and non incels.

[@Mallory-Malkovich]

This is just another reason to love the great Dolly Parton - she has always been unselfconsciously up front about the amount of artifice that goes into her look.

[@lorihoop3831]

It ain't cheap to look this trashy!😂😂. I love that line

[@aedooland1824]

I remember assisting a couple to go bankrupt on $11.7M debt, I hadn't thought that much about it until I saw their dates of birth on the documents. They were in their 60s and looked in their 40s. A life-long (starting at childhood) wealthy, leisurely lifestyle had made them look so much healthier and younger. I think about that couple a lot whenever I see someone who looks weathered and older. Very different lives.

[@lorrilewis2178]

I know what you say is very very true for the most part. However, sometimes genetics trumps wealth. I am thinking of a fairly well-known blogger in her sixties who grew up in wealth. She looks at least fifteen years older than she is, in spite of major generational wealth and living a very healthy life. A nurse thought she was her father's sister and he was in his late eighties at the time!

[@videofan1010]

Getting out of that much debt later in life 😬

[@aedooland1824]

@@videofan1010 it was due to a failed business that had director guaranteed debts - they got screwed by a big shopping chain. Sad story, actually, but an example of why large corporations need to be more strongly regulated.

[@ritasjourney]

@@lorrilewis2178 I believe that’s the exception, rather than the rule

[@lorrilewis2178]

@@ritasjourney Did you read my very first sentence?

[@marylhere]

Fun Fact: when sugar was very very expensive (Elizabeth I) people of high status had noticeable cavities in their front teeth….the poor would chew on charcoal to get the upper class look. Dark History w Bailey Sarian.

[@poweredman]

wow. that's very curious. similarly, anabolic drugs are used by poorer people than hollywood dudes. and then they die.

[@MustbeTheBassest]

Wow, that is so depressing and comical at the same time

[@Matty002]

nothing really is new

[@DavidParket-g1h]

It's seems even what we eat is based on luxury, and our biggest example of this is eating meat with every meal. Heart disease is one of the biggest killers in the Western world.

[@beejereeno2]

Eating meat doesn't cause heart disease,@@DavidParket-g1h

[@charischannah]

I teach afterschool classes to elementary and middle-school kids. When I was picking up my elementary class from the gym to walk them over to the classroom for our first day this term, one of the kids looked up at me and said, "You're really pretty." I thanked her and appreciated her compliment, but what I appreciated most was well, I'm built like the proverbial teapot--short and stout---and I was glad that this nine-year-old kid looked at me and saw "pretty" rather than current beauty standards which would say that I'm far from that. I don't know if it's because she hasn't been exposed to a lot of media, or her family is good at making sure she sees a lot of different perspectives on beauty or what, but I hope she continues to think people who don't match the beauty standards are pretty.

[@nattamused9074]

100%! Kids perceive kindness, strength, and comfy clothes as pretty. Honestly, some of the days I’ve been in pink sweats and a Buccees T-shirt, I got more smiles from kids than in my dressy clothes. Grown ups can be pretty awful.

[@cailllou25]

She just wanted good grades, kids are smart :D

[@radicalaccounting]

children see auras, kindness as beautiful. some adults do too.

[@AlextheENTP]

Children are awesome like that. I like you or You seem nice = You're pretty. I remember playing at another little girl's house once, and being absolutely FASCINATED when her aunt came home. I just blurted out, "You're so pretty!" Looking back, in some ways she probably didn't fit the mould either, but I saw her beautiful smile and fluffy pink pullover and thought she must be a literal princess, lol.

[@JPKnapp-ro6xm]

Or maybe she was just flattering you.

[@jessicajohanna5849]

“A permanent hamster wheel of aesthetic inadequacy”

[@Vertasoie]

well put

[@solarhydrowind]

Yes, well put. Unplugging yourself from the beauty matrix is unplugging yourself from the beauty matrix. There is sooooooo much more out there and inside you and within the lives of your lived ones to live for! Live for something more important than your face, hair, teeth, weight, shape, clothes, car, and living space. My mother would remind me often, "You are not the center of the universe!" How many people want to be around someone who does think they are?

[@johnrcoben]

As opposed to the temporary hamster wheels

[@laulaja-7186]

"Permanent hamster wheel of financial inadequacy"... sounds pretty similar, doesn't it.

[@Ghostinaseashell1789]

@@solarhydrowind well said!

[@XyoushaX]

On the premium on paleness, before European empires, there existed Asian empires with their hierarchical socioeconomic structures that also put a premium on paleness. The pale aesthetic that is prevalent in modern Asian beauty standards is more influenced by the historical trend of wealthy Asian aristocrats being able to stay inside and avoid the sun, while the peasants who worked outside and were more exposed to the sun grew tan. Women’s makeup was paper-white back then, and even now Korean and Japanese women are encouraged to buy foundation that is one shade lighter than their actual skin (and darker shades are sometimes not even produced, because “that’s not the makeup company’s target audience”). There was even the fad of foot binding in China, which meant the daughter who had been subjected to it, never needed to go on foot for her entire life; she had servants to do her bidding. This historical association of “pale”, and even “sickly” or “helpless”, with the ideal of “rich” - this trend has a longer history and stronger impact on modern Asian beauty standards, than the more recent trend of “trying to look more European”. “Trying to look more European” has an impact on modern Asian beauty standards, but in different forms. For example, the “double lid” eye surgery. We know from paintings and writings from old China and old Japan that thin eyes, and even blood-shot eyes that looked like they had just shed tears, were seen as “bedroom” and were prized as sexy. This is why traditional makeup on maiko in Kyoto includes a hint of red eye makeup, it is another form of the historical “teary bedroom eyes”. The more modern trend of larger and double-lidded eyes, is a reflection of globalization’s impact on modern Asian beauty standards. So in modern Asian beauty standards, there is a double-whammy: there is both “old empire” (Asian empires of India, China, Japan, etc. where the pale aristocrats could send their armies to raid or conquer nearby kingdoms), as well as “new empire” (European empires, where pale aristocrats could send their armies to raid or colonize far-off kingdoms). Both of them blend now into a globalized and savage marketing campaign of “You’re currently not beautiful enough, but we can sell you something to fix it, here or abroad” onto modern Asian women.

[@giffica]

Yeah or, big eyes are better and Manga and Anime caused this not anything you think.

[@Aris-Darling]

Yes! My thoughts exactly but very well-said. Thank you..

[@Kitty-Cattie]

Absolutely love this comment. I learned about "paleness" in this mindset in Vietnam

[@XyoushaX]

⁠Good you mentioned that! Also, modern manga (starting from Osaka Tezuka with works like Astro Boy and Princess Knight) were directly inspired by Disney. So new empire European aesthetics were also carried through Disney and into Japanese pop culture as well.

[@giffica]

@@XyoushaX Yeah go read an actual book instead of wikipedia. "New Empire Aesthetics" lmfao you mean Jewish American Animation and Comic style? Please get out of here with your revisionist nonsense telling an oppressed class their art represents empire. Delusion.

[@playdohsrepublic3562]

When I was 10 years old, my mom was 34. I thought she was the most beautiful person on planet earth. What she looked liked then (she was petite with curves) has remained my idea of beauty. She was so natural and not trying to be beautiful. She had long curly brown hair and smokey gray eyes. The media has never been able to change my mind about that. My mom=beauty. She was also genuinely kind and loving. I wish I would have told her that.

[@MelissaMayhem99]

I remember looking at my Mother around that age too and thinking she was so pretty, in her long 90s jumper dress with the white tshirt under it. Just plain and natural. I try to keep that in mind for my own daughter, and who knows maybe one day she'll be saying the same thing about me. Although I sure don't feel pretty 😂😂

[@withinwithout6263]

That’s really beautiful. Thanks for sharing

[@esikazemese]

This is cute, but how is petite with curves is not socially beautiful?

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@esikazemese most people don't like curves

[@Begeru]

@@bunnyboo6295 really? then how are women like Kim Kardashian and Nikki Minaj so popular?

[@dlgoats]

I think the best thing you can do for your own mental health and wellness is to quit all of the socials. I left social media completely about a year ago and my self esteem and the peace in my soul is back. I feel contented, even though I don’t make much money, I am so much happier and able to focus and appreciate on the things that are real blessings (good food with friends, clean water, a roof over my head). Quit the socials and reclaim your life!

[@sunnyday7843]

We have no way of finding out what’s going on in our area - local news papers are not worth much for local happenings . I found wonderful things going on that were where we had experienced people coming together - so I agree partly with you . But how else will folks spread the word ?

[@dlgoats]

@@sunnyday7843 yes, I agree with you; socials do have good attributes too, as you said rural areas, and fun local meetups.

[@pendafen7405]

You're on KZbin comms, though...

[@jtowensbyiii6018]

Only the rich can ignore reality, poor people REQUIRE social media to even have a small chance of getting a job

[@ritaree123]

Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾

[@ernststravoblofeld]

If you look at medieval literature, norse sagas and the like, one thing that really whacks you upside the head is the way beauty = character. Pretty is good and moral, ugly is evil. Today's media is actually a bit more subtle about it, but nothing really changes.

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

Especially in older fairytales, if you’re allowed to be beautiful but you can’t enjoy the beauty. It Hass to be for someone else.

[@sallybrite1530]

I remember feeling hit with that when Lord of the Rings came out. Pretty, light skin/eyes/hair = good. Dark/ugly = evil.

[@vivaenmiriana]

this isn't limited to just then. It's all the way into the 1800s and even into the 1900s

[@ernststravoblofeld]

@@vivaenmiriana Things change, but not always by much.

[@yulia9778]

The same time, in the Middle Ages, a beautiful woman was supposed to be a witch and a suspicious person just because of her look.

[@jackiemartin7276]

Re: Skin Care - One of the best things an older woman ever did for me in my early 20's was when I looked at my absolutely gorgeous aunt (by marriage) who was in her early 50's and said "girl, drop that skincare routine!". She looked me dead in the eyes with so much love and said that she is genetically predisposed to look the way she does and no amount of effort on my part would make me look like her because we are different people with different genetics. I carry that with me today.

[@nattamused9074]

This is absolutely true.

[@julesdm6905]

My mom is 96, has no nighttime skin regimen, and has beautiful skin. It's supple and mostly wrinkle-free, and this is in spite of having smoked for most of her life. No plastic surgery and no organic wellness lifestyle. It's a genetic lottery.

[@cailllou25]

@@julesdm6905 Aging skin is not about wrinkles, but about sagging.

[@julesdm6905]

She really isn't sagging either. Of course, her skin is thinner, and she's lost the fat beneath her skin which is where she shows her age. But she looks like she's had a facelift@@cailllou25

[@armp8051]

I grew up with my mom telling me not to try to look like models or actresses and to look at the her, my grandmother and the women in my family. It finally clicked in my early 20s. I’m so happy that I look like my beautiful mother and like my genes mother. Even with the traits I don’t like such as my bingo wings.

[@amberallen7809]

As a visibly physically disabled woman, it doesn't matter where in the world I go (from the US, currently living abroad, have spent significant amounts of time in 3 countries other than the US) I will never be considered beautiful. I recognized this fairly early on. I had a brief period in high school where I desperately tried to fit the beauty standards, but no matter how much makeup I put on, or if I managed to get designer clothes (I also grew up, and am still on, the poor side of things) I was still the weird broken girl. Gave up trying by the end of high school in 2011, much to my mom's disappointment. It's freeing though, in its own way. Obviously I keep a baseline of care for myself, but I haven't worried about makeup, labels, or hair (style) for years. I've got a few friends. Sometimes wish I had a bit more going on socially, but also know there isn't much I can do about it. People will either tolerate/like me or they won't, and makeup isn't going to make the scale move much either way.

[@specialtwice4975]

If you are ugly and funny or ugly and have a decent personality then you'll be fine. My ex is ugly, like really ugly, but to me she was beautiful. Why? 1.) She made me laugh. Even now I think back to the time she made me laugh or the times we got along great. 2.) She had a great personality and we got along great. I've since talked to some pretty people and some of their personalities were shallow or cold, and they didn't make me laugh or pay attention to me. Sure, they are nice to look at, but when you are out for dinner and the hot guy is on his phone texting some other chick instead of talking to you, it kind of gets old/feels sad and depressing. "Yeah, just a sec." he says and then a second later, "hey, I gotta go, my friend is having this party and he wants me to meet him. We'll talk soon, k?" And then they throw a $20 on the table and leave. The waitress then comes and is like "dessert? You look like you need it." You say no, and then go home alone, and they don't text you until 2 days later. "Hey... I'm really sorry🙏I know I bailed on you.... Can we hang out sometime this week and I can make it up to you? Pleaseeeee I promiseeeee not to bail this time." But then they do, and you are left home alone, again.

[@agme8045]

@@specialtwice4975that’s oddly specific

[@agme8045]

Your comment made me incredibly curious as to what you look like lol

[@manudash4150]

Go where you are treated best - you will be happiest there. I loved your life journey and I am sure you will make make amazing friends in future,

[@nattamused9074]

Find your own beauty! Everyone has things they don’t love about the way they look. Personally, I spent most of my life feeling downright embarrassed about my flat chest, my pale freckly skin, my big droopy nose, my asymmetrical eyes, my crooked smile. But I have had so many people tell me they think I’m beautiful. Yes, all people with a bias, like my husband, my mother, and my children. Is it because I’m objectively beautiful? No. It’s because they love me. They’re not lying, they just think I look beautiful to them, because they love me. They love my pale freckly skin, my flat chest, my big droopy nose, asymmetrical eyes and crooked smile. So I’m intentionally learning to love it too. Because I want to teach my daughters by example how to be thankful to God for the body He gave them, and not hate it.

[@cherylcarlson3315]

As a girl who sprouted to 5'11 by 8th grade with bad knees,acne, braces and ever thickening glasses it was my mother telling me how ugly I was esp as my blonde hair went to ash blonde. I ignored her mightily and wore peasant skirts, went braless,danced whenever I could even if partner was short. I dressed for comfort and if it repelled, all the better. Settled at 6'1 being glad the ortho didn't shorten my legs as I begged in HS. I studied how Bea Arthur and others commanded space and attention and emulated. Now at 66 and cane dependent, most days I would be content to simply be nude if not in sweats and fleece. When I do dress up it means war, my only cosmetic is chapstick. Disability really messed with my aging perception but made it seem even more insane to seek to look younger with a neuromuscular disease, easier to let people think I am old.

[@macummings7818]

❤❤❤

[@empyrosenterprises1837]

Wow you are #goals

[@ellajorgi2478]

"See, girls, we have options!" I almost chocked on my lunch at this :D GOLD!! x)

[@fleurmk]

On teeth, this discourse reminded me of a recent case in France : dentist Lionel Guedj was found guilty of more than 300 counts of malpractice and mutilation on patients. He practiced in the northern districts of Marseille, where people are predominantly poor, and access to healthcare is scarce. He committed social security fraud and told the patients they needed full teeth removal and prosthetics set, or tooth crowns, only yo be able to get social security money. The surgeries were always poorly and quickly done. This man lied to patients who were only trying to get rid of pain (some of them only had a few cavities and got tricked into having all their teeth devitalized and crowned), and he sold them the dream of pearly white healthy teeth. They instead got severe pain, trauma, and social distress due to f*cked up, rotting teeth. Even in France, where we have some social security, dental health and appearance is still the biggest social marker, with the poor not getting treatment as it's scarcely covered, and sometimes getting duped by greedy "professionals"

[@watermelonlover745]

I've noticed lots of poor people in USA have missing teeth, especially if white

[@marisolania2696]

Omg! That dentist is horrendous, what an awful person to permanently mutilate people like that!

[@Ella-g2m]

I assure you this happens often, especially the US. Sounds just like my crook of a childhood dentist who destroyed my entire mouth before I even turned 18. I just had another dentist try to upsell me on a crown. I got a second opinion and they didn't see any cavity at all. Unfortunately poor people (like my parents) "can't afford" second opinions, even when ultimately it would likely save them much money, pain, stress, and preserve their health which is priceless. Even if you grow up and have disposable income there is no way to undo what these fraud dentists have done. I sure hope that hell is real because some people truly deserve it.

[@melindahajdin]

In California Medicaid will not pay for molar crowns. If you get a cavity in a molar, Medicaid will only pay to have every single tooth in your mouth pulled...and then buy you cheap dentures. Happened to my roommate.

[@TheVincentKyle]

I don't think "thin" ever left, and a lot of us were likely lying to ourselves amidst the irrational exuberance of the 2010s.

[@flavanz_]

True! I thought the same thing, but i guess “thin” was KINDA canceled when the victorias secret scandals happened etc. i mean they tried 😂but it def never left completely

[@geringergasse2]

I remember that during my childhood thinness was associated with not being healthy. My mother and her friends were shocked by the appearance of Twiggy and they gossiped about her at length.

[@МаріяТарасенко-э3я]

From thin-thin it switched to muscular-thin

[@kirstenbass1968]

It just became another requirement to aspire to, but no less restrictive. You couldn’t be thin OR fat. You must have curves in all the right places, but always a thin waist.

[@user-hc2tu7ul7j]

Thin is always in, but what thin meant in the 2000s is not the same as now. Just like ‘thick’ has changed meaning. I was watching some rap videos from that time period and I was shocked when I caught myself saying ‘their butts look smaller than I remember’ just because BBLs have changed our perspectives of thickness

[@oonda6812]

The advantage of ugliness (over beauty), is that it lasts.

[@Porcelynnn]

What’s so advantageous about being ugly and ugly forever?

[@kathrinscharrer3923]

So true.

[@MaraSamsara]

😂

[@Harken4949]

It only gets better with time! 😂

[@P-Funk69]

Lololol

[@paulmaxwell-walters8861]

I am mixed-race British-Filipino. In response to the question about non-Western beauty standards I should mention that I just came back from holiday in the Philippines and was amazed by the focus on light skin as a measure of beauty for both woman and men - including the number of beauty salons and products devoted to just skin whitening. I also noticed the comments by Filipina family members who met my (Caucasian Australian) wife regarding her light skin and and how much they loved it. I know this type of beauty standard is common throughout South East and East Asia - and it was briefly mentioned in the video - but it was revealing to see it in person.

[@Erinba]

And the opposite happens outside Asia! Where white people want to be as dark as possible. Nobody is ever happy!

[@SutapaBhattacharyaKolkata]

Same in India

[@wahoo4uva]

light (white) supremacy 101 - it’s global (universal).

[@sailorspills3025]

I’ve just come back from south east Asia. I was shocked, I couldn’t even find face wash or sunscreen without whitening agents in it. However, it did boost my self esteem because here in England I always get bullied even by my family for being pale.

[@thiccactus]

It probably has less to do with race and more with status. The higher class people generally don't have to work outside where the sun is beating down on them all day while the poors do, especially back in the preindustrial era. Thus fairer skin can be seen as a marker of social status and leads to an entire industry dedicated to achieving the look perceived as higher class.

[@Barnacl3_Boi]

Thank you for this video! My partner has chronic acne and was told by his own parents to wear charcoal masks, wash his face more etc., when the true cause was a chronic undiagnosed illness. Young children of 8 are wearing skincare brands that are out of my budget as a salaried adult and it's shocking to see

[@vivianworden]

Straitening your teeth is not a beauty enhancement. We're told that so insurance can avoid paying for things you need. Crowded teeth can break and cause tension. Its not a beauty enhancement, they have convinced us otherwise

[@JP-ve7or]

No kidding! I didn't even realize how most of my teeth weren't even touching when I chew until I was halfway through Invisalign and suddenly my premolars were being useful. But of course it was just a cosmetic treatment 🫤

[@AnnekeOosterink]

Yeah, this. Crooked teeth can cause all kinds of issues, from pain and breaking, to spots unreachable by toothbrush that turn into cavities over time. Problems like infections in your mouth affect your entire body. But I guess it's cheaper for insurance companies to let people suffer and make them take painkillers in perpetuity than pay for a dentist.

[@TempermentalTart]

Thank you!

[@ruhamayared3829]

It can def be both

[@katelyndefreitas2810]

Yes this is so true. It’s still so cost prohibitive

[@thisisnancybot]

When the anti-aging section begins the second I pull out my retinol 😅

[@tagtraumerin5077]

My work friend is from the Philippines and I am german-polish. She has quite dark skin and I am as white/pale as you can get. The other day we talked about how we both got bullied because of our skin colour in our home country and how we tried everything to become the opposite. Quite ironic.

[@jutta3378]

It is ironic indeed! And then there's another tanning salon opening up in my neighbourhood so all the pale people can look like the brown people who buy bleaching lotions to look pale...it's just crazy.

[@Cormorant0512]

@@jutta3378It is literally unhinged with each group trying to trade places

[@vociferonheraldofthewinter2284]

My mother NEVER paid retail. She only shopped at thrift stores and always looked like a million bucks. She had a few secrets to elevate her look. 1) Let me introduce you to your new best friend: AN IRON. My mother's doctor appointment/grocery shopping/casual outfit was a pair of sweats with the leg elastic removed (seams pressed in the front and back), a blouse (also pressed), and a scarf. Cost: $3. 2) Simple is better. A pair of gold hoops, a delicate gold chain, and an antique lady's watch (also found at a thrift store) were timeless. Choose a few classic signature pieces instead of a drawer full of random baubles. She cleaned her jewelry with toothpaste and a soft toothbrush. Made everything shine like new. 3) Perfume. A bit of nice perfume elevates your presence and people absolutely will notice. No, you absolutely do not need to buy expensive perfume. There are plenty at a reasonable price point. 4) Shoe polish. A bit of a clean and buff to cover scuffs and the shoes or bag will look fantastic. This goes along with 'clean'. Seriously, just don't wear anything that's worn. Little pills on a sweater will cheapen a look faster than anything. And, for the love of all that's holy, pet owners better dang well have a lint/fur roller. 5) Tailoring. Yes, she sewed and she tailored her own clothes. She'd find a pair of slacks that fit her in every way, except the waist gapped in the back, and fix the gap in less than an hour. Break out the iron and now it looks like she's got a $100 pair of slacks hanging in her closet. By learning these skills, tailoring became a secondary source of income. People would bring her pants to hem and pay her $20 a pair for the service. As she enjoyed sewing, this was easy money for her. 6) Neutrals paired with jewel colors. In the winter she'd wear brown leather boots, a subtle pattered skirt, and a deep burgundy or green top. In the summer you'd find her wearing beige slacks, a white top, and a brilliant colored scarf. Honestly, just being pressed, neat, and clean and taking the time to daub on a little nice perfume and you'll look ten times more put together than most people. She probably spent an hour or two a week caring for her clothes and got compliments almost every time she left the house. Money isn't stopping us from upholding standards. Basic clothing care is. And yes, these small things make a HUGE difference. Most people don't bother these days and we notice. Even when we can't figure out what we're noticing. In the 90's I found a book by Linda Dano called "Looking Great." It's my most valuable style resource to this day. I've bought old copies and gifted them to my nieces and they're shocked at how well this advice translates thirty years later. This is basically my mother's advice with helpful hints for body types. When I first read it and she described ironing her workout pants and t-shirt before going to the grocery store, I actually laughed. She's damn right and the smart old women know 'the secret.'

[@billiemunchen]

4 feeds into consumerism. You can trim pilling off of knitwear. Washing and drying appropriately also helps. But you are right: most of my clothes are secondhand. I got rid of costume jewellery and bought a few "expensive" (for me) sterling silver items. They will stand the test of time and have some resell value as well as value to pass down to someone.

[@dugongsdoitbetter]

I guess I should be grateful to my childhood trauma induced depression as an adult. It has afforded me the "luxury " of not giving a shit about most of everything.

[@xxx_these.flightless.wings_xxx]

You have no idea how much I relate to this

[@craffte]

Damn it's like I wrote this comment myself.

[@angelbear_og]

Haha! For real though!

[@dougpatterson7494]

I loved “Guinness World Records”and “Top Ten of Everything” books when growing up and I remember seeing a photo of Lilian Bettacot, the owner of L’Oréal, who was the wealthiest woman in the world at least one year, and thinking “if she uses her own products that shows they don’t really work”.

[@shannonwold638]

The older I got, the more aware I was of skin care marketing. I never really bought into most of it. My nighttime skincare routine consists of cheap drugstore cleanser followed by even cheaper drugstore vitamin e oil. In the morning, a quick rinse with just water followed by moisturizer with sunscreen.

[@istvanpraha]

It depends on your skin tone. I often hear people with olive skin say what you say, and it's annoying TBH. I'm pale and everything shows, so retinol and the more expensive products (forgetting what some are called) are "needed," regular moisturizers just make me look wet but don't do much for me

[@britt5753]

That orthodontics happen to make your teeth esthetically nice is a side benefit, in my mind. We got braces for our kids because in this day and age, you keep your teeth. In my mom's day, everyone had dentures fairly early. So regular dental work is great to preserve your teeth, but if you have a mess of cross bites (like i do) they wear unevenly over time and can cause a different sort of problem for your teeth and jaws. As far as the rest of it, no one is coming to save you from the hampster wheel. You have to step off yourself.

[@ryoknits]

I had braces as a kid and chose to stop as soon as the orthodontist confirmed that my crooked teeth no longer posed a threat to my overall health. I have one crooked front tooth and the rest are mostly straight. I see it as one of my quirks although I know for many, it’s unthinkable to not have “perfect” teeth.

[@vixxcelacea2778]

Aesthetics are often tied to health. That's why straight clean teeth look nicer to us. We naturally associate them with youth and health. Same with every other beauty standard. This is why there have been people who have started to see beauty as a right by the objective measures we have of it (mainly symmetry and balance) because the mental distress of feeling like your presentation given by genetics, or sometimes disease/hardship is it's own health crisis that people face. Not just the social part of it, but personal too. Most people are instinctually aware when someone is present on their body or about their body that is causing distress because they naturally associate it with bad health. The issue with the beauty industry is that they prey on making up new small things to feel like they are bad health indicators. There is a huge difference between say "dirty" pores and a eyelid drooping a bit that causes some vision loss. That said, I also don't find a problem with people going for cosmetic surgery. I see it as them forming themselves into how they want to look, rather than being stuck with whatever they happened to get. That said, the motive for it, as simply a minor fix to a few areas they aren't happy with, vs addiction or self hatred, or belief that it will make a huge impact on their life quality are definitely reasons to understand the motivation for it.

[@NeedMoreCoffeeOG]

Constantly telling women that they can choose to be in control of absolutely everything based on willpower is keeping so many pockets lined. Your house would be clean if you wanted it to be, your skin would be clear if you wanted it to be, your waist would be tiny if you wanted it to be - if you just tried hard enough, on top of also being financially successful if you just prioritize it over everything else, and emotionally successful if you are just nice and palatable enough. If you really wanted to have it all, 24 hours in the day would be enough to be financially successful, romantically fulfilled, socially successful, skinny, pretty and a perfect housekeeper. If you just wanted it enough, you would buy all our products and services.

[@radicalaccounting]

awesome comment. 24 hours is not enough.

[@ellenk9604]

We used to say "plastic people" back in tbe 70s. When did plastic become a desired look? Me, im all natural and i dont care if its not "desirable". Its all so bizarre.

[@carolynserra3195]

The phrase 'getting older just means it's another year you did not die' really helped me. I think I look alright for my age, but that freed me from caring that NO ONE would think I was in my early twenties. (My mum got mistaken for 18 till she was in her 40's, so, for a few years I was gutted I didn't follow her example)

[@kimjohnson8471]

I look at those skin care/makeup videos sped up to 2-4x speed, and it's STILL 15 minutes. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT 😅

[@watermelonlover745]

It's ridiculous. They want me to watch a 15 min infomercial no thanx

[@JP-ve7or]

I feel like most of them could stop halfway through and look great, but they just keep piling on the products.

[@taqial-faris6421]

It's useless, they look as unnatural as my dead grandma looked in her coffin.

[@user-gu9yq5sj7c]

There are people who have time for skincare and makeup or are interested in them as a hobby.

[@user-gu9yq5sj7c]

@@watermelonlover745 Makeup is art and a hobby. Some people try to help people with skincare or makeup, or review products. At least those people are being honest about what skincare and makeup they use instead of pretending it's natural. Not everything has to be about you. Some people are interested in those videos.

[@Aris-Darling]

As a fair-skinned Asian who has grown up in Southeast Asia and America, I want to make a correction on a very common misconception stated again in this episode… Asian people value fair skin NOT to “be more like Caucasians”… (that is incredibly self-aggrandizing of Americans and Caucasians to say). Asian people have valued fair skin long before colonialism - look to ancient China or Japan as examples. In Asia, dark skin has been associated with working in rice fields and rural poverty, and pale skin with a more comfortable cosmopolitan life indoors equipped with AC. You have it right that social class has an effect on societal beauty standards, but please stop with the “Asians want to be white” mentality. It is not only misinformation but also insulting to the people of the largest continent on earth. We have enough of our own toxic standards, thank you.

[@macummings7818]

Right! Im a diasporic person and I apologize for this v insular American posture and outlook! 😬🤷‍♀️

[@lunallenalunallena]

As informed as she seems I am unsure why she’s so uneducated regarding this topic… I’m not much into beauty standards or anything of the like, but even I had an idea why Asians prefer lighter skin. As you said, it’s been in history for centuries. ❤❤❤

[@GenerationNextNextNext]

While I do agree that Asians have praised lighter skin over darker for centuries, which is probably why so many Asian countries have embraced westernization so easily since colorism and racism have always been ingrained in the society and they don't see anything wrong with European society in that regard, I believe Western media has increased the desire to adapt Western standards to coincide with it. I think about how some Asians (particularly in Japan and South Korea) glorify white actors and actresses and say they want a nose and eyes like [x, y, z] actress or singer. Even the manner of dress is to follow the high fashion name brand styles found in Europe rather than home-grown. I do agree with you, though, that the conversation requires more nuance and goes beyond skin when talking about westernization and colonial influence.

[@alan2102X]

Thanks for pointing out the deep history here. I was aware of the white preference in Asia and Africa but I did not know it went back far before colonialism. One thing to check, however: you say that they do not do this to "be more like whites", but I suggest that they do: more like richer whites who do not have to work in poverty, and who live cosmopolitan lives indoors. It may well have STARTED before whites came on the scene, and before colonialism, but it could well have been (and probably was) exacerbated later by white/colonial culture, and this influence probably persists to this day. Cheers.

[@cassidybrewer]

16:19 actually acknowledges this very thing, interestingly

[@jeremysmith4620]

Ha, I'm both poor and ugly!

[@Miss_Earthquake]

Gurl u speak the truth!!! Preach. 🤩

[@roskalta]

Join the club 🕺

[@XxXsumaroXxX]

Same

[@at0micn0vva]

Real

[@snd0ll4v3r]

some people get all the luck 😩

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

“Wherever there is an invented need, there will always be a profitable solution.”

[@ashmeyer21]

I'm all for Natural beauty and better health. I learned a longtime ago before social media really blew up to like or appreciate the imperfections that make me a unique looking individual. Beauty standards continue to change and evolve and it is impossible to please everyone at any given time Self love and being content with the most healthiest version of yourself should always be the ultimate goal.

[@pdfads]

Made me think of the time a date told my daughter that she had "expensive teeth". She had actually been pretty lucky in that department, although there was some mild orthodontic work.

[@amyx231]

Was he a dentist?

[@NeedMoreCoffeeOG]

Also I think we need to reopen the dialogue around "being pretty". I think there's enough evidence to suggest that though "pretty privilege" is a thing, there's absolutely no meaningful correlation between being pretty and living a truly happy, fulfilling life. You can in fact be "ugly" and still live a life that proves you're attractive and valuable. We need to stop telling women they need to "feel beautiful". You don't need to "feel beautiful". You need to take care of your hygiene, enjoy grooming however you like it best, and realize feeling valuable is far more hinged on how you treat people and what you contribute to the world. Be physically ugly. It won't matter. You don't need to feel beautiful because beauty does not equal good outcomes.

[@radicalaccounting]

beautifully said. thanks.

[@pendafen7405]

Exactly. This makes me think of my sister's most glamourous and physically beautiful friend (well, acquaintance, now). Everyone she knows dislikes her, she has mad personality disorders and no esteem, and she has endured a history of abuse & neglect at home that only ended when she became bereaved young. Despite looking like a model or an IG girl, anyone who knows her or has heard of her avoids her and won't date her, let along hang out, so she only has ONS and has no friends. Finally, she has no skills in life because she's used to coasting into short-term jobs or scamming men with her looks to get what she needs. One of the saddest people I've ever met or heard of, who has been horribly failed in ways that aren't her fault and only has her beauty to survive.

[@ashleyarlo]

Idk. People biologically want to be desirable. It’s built in so we reproduce. I don’t think this can change.

[@melindahajdin]

Pretty privilege means other people treating you better, and if you are ugly, you will be rejected and hated. Sure, you can life a happy, fulfilling life...if you become a hermit. If you're a social person at all, the constant rejection can cause enormous damage that no amount of toxic positivity will fix.

[@lollsazz]

Out of everything, I think what has helped is 1) exercise (which costs me maybe $50 a year, as I do it at home) 2) sunscreen 3) skincare and makeup thag dowsn't irritatw my skin 4) learning how to cut my own hair 5) cheap retinol wash for body for my face, from Biovene 6) NYK1 lash serum, when it's on sale 7) Minoxidil for my eyebrows and hair (generic version) I'm expensive - no doubt about that, but it's not the most expensive things that have helped the most to lok that way

[@alphadogg5682]

I had to spend over 12 grand, and by "spend" I mean take out significant loans, to pay for some significant dental work, including an implant. I consider it money well spent as it would make it easier for me to get better paying jobs and it improves my self-confidence, but even with insurance from work I had to pay the vast majority out of pocket. It was a major issue for many years that affected my health, mental and physical and social well being. Yet these things are not covered by paid for insurance, never mind our healthcare services.

[@6eehappy]

one thing not mentioned much is also how time consuming it is to stay pretty and young. And time is absolutely a huge expense. All of those expensive skin care routines are also very time consuming. putting on makeup and styling hair is time consuming. Even if you're able to have or afford surgery or treatment, they often have a built in recovery time where you might need to take time off work or not be able to do your own housework which is an added expense on top of the cost of the procedure. Even going to the gym multiple times per week can be prohibitively time consuming when you have work and kids and a bunch of commitments. Rich people who have stylists and trainers don't only benefit from being able to pay for these things with money, but the training and getting styled and made up IS part of their job.

[@radicalaccounting]

Absolutely. The cost of after surgery and taking time off from work doubles the price. And who can afford to take up to 6 weeks off from work?

[@andreamathew1]

Thank you for this video. It is so easy to fall into the trap of 'self care' that is just about aesthetics. Your video is a good checkin with myself

[@camichiBichi]

I've been a skincare fan since I was a teen (15 years ago) because I was bad at makeup. As I've learnt, I've make choices, and my skincare now is no bullshit and to the point with what I do need (and cheap), no extras, no magic potions. I was considered obsesive and questioned if all that skincare make any difference at all. Now I hear recomendations of expensive useless things, because my very basic skincare makes them think I.m doing it wrong...

[@sarahwatts7152]

I am having a very similar experience now that I finally have access to a dermatologist. The first appointment she mowed through my products like she was cutting grass

[@racer4369]

​@@sarahwatts7152all you need is a good sunscreen that you will wear daily, cleanser to remove dirt/makeup and moisturizer to keep the skin hydrate. Anything past that a dermatologist will prescribe like trentanoin/Retinols for acne.

[@kasiaszyffer26]

Pleaaase share your routine!!

[@LuEmanuel]

I live in a rural area and wear no make up and have no beauty routine or even a consideration of beauty. Beauty is who you are, what is in your heart. I remember being in my third year of college, looking in the mirror about to put on mascara and just couldn't do it anymore. I'm sixty-four years old and I haven't worn make up since that day in 1981. Just say no, young women. Don't fall for it all. It is a game where everyone loses - everyone. Because you'll never be the fairest of them all, or if you are, you'll be afraid that tomorrow, someone else will be more beautiful. As for job prospects, I get it. And I hate it for women to have that be an issue for them. I know women farmers, women professional gardeners, women teachers... they don't have to be more beautiful than others to be respected in their work. Maybe this is a city-living thing, or an American thing (I'm in Canada). But I think, and this video is a great example of this, it needs to be openly talked about. The power over women's sense of themselves that is wielded by influencers and advertisers needs to be seen and women need to take their power back. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not enough, not beautiful in your own perfect way, not able to do a job because you're not ... white, thin, blonde, pretty... fill in the blank with whatever bullshit you can think of... it's all disempowering. See it. Call it out. Then hold your head up high and walk away from it.

[@KantoCafe715]

It is possible you are naturally pretty though, I’m not saying you’re doing a ‘stealth boast’ , you might be blissfully unaware of this and good for you. Many women are policed into compliance with make up simply by how awfully they are treated when they don’t wear it.

[@Astrodesignlover]

Beautiful

[@KantoCafe715]

If you’re naturally pretty that’s fine, but not everyone is.

[@cailllou25]

@@KantoCafe715 even if you're naturally pretty, a moisturizer and some lip gloss don't hurt anyone. And it feels good and comforting using them as well.

[@KantoCafe715]

@@cailllou25 err yea , I’m the one saying people can do what they like to feel better. The OP seems to be saying that people who try to look better are vain and shallow types . I’m all for adding a bit of lip gloss or even going further . It makes people treat you better. Not everyone has the privilege of being able to avoid judgy people. Edit: also bear in mind when the OP wrote her post her avatar was not of herself , so any replies were unrelated to appearance. She updated , adding her photo later, for whatever reason.

[@_infinitedomain]

LOVE these video essays! So well done.

[@ruthbutah7484]

Thank you so much for making this video available. I was wondering why i've become obsessed with fitness over fashion lately. Keep up the great work!

[@A78cts23]

As a hairstylist I truly enjoy that I get to change people's look and play with that societal standard

[@cassidybrewer]

Agreed, as a fellow hairdresser!

[@kaijuno]

Many of the comments here claim that women not spending enormous amounts of money & time on literally changing their faces and bodies is “lazy”? Why is existing without deeming yourself inadequate and in need of fixing lazy? Then many others claim the societal conditioning around beauty - which is proven to effect both income & quality of life can be fixed by “remembering it’s all in your head and it’s your fault for not just improving your self esteem”. The beauty industry is hugely profitable. It’s making that profit by conditioning young girls to hate their faces & bodies, and then teaching them that their “ugliness” is their own moral failing. (A moral failing that can conveniently be fixed by buying more products). Society treating you like shit for not meeting beauty standards isn’t your moral failing guys, it’s theirs.

[@YochevedDesigns]

Naomi Wolfe called this out years ago, and people just labeled her as a "bitter, angry feminist". Reading "The Beauty Myth" was a life changer for me.

[@amelia.ruby_etal]

You talked about eating disorders and body dysmorphia. But I wanted to add a different perspective. I don't have actual research to back this up, just experience and observation. Some people who have been through sexual trauma, especially child sexual trauma, suffer from self-esteem issues and live with crushing shame. Intentionally or unintentionally making yourself "not beautiful" or having bad hygiene in general can be a defense mechanism against being "chosen." It can also be a way to cope with feelings of shame that you don't deserve it. Those feelings of shame are perpetuated by losing out on things like job opportunities and romantic connections. It's great to support people who have survived SA and CSA (let's be honest, no one really wants to talk about CSA because it makes everyone uncomfortable, so there's little opportunity for support there), but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty realities of being a survivor, such as not living up to societal beauty standards, there's a lot less sympathy. Especially for CSA survivors, who are literally working against programming that they shouldn't be beautiful. If beauty is understood by society to indicate unearned positive traits - like morals, trustworthiness, likeability to a certain extent - adds yet another layer on CSA survivors, many of whom can use this rubric to enforce the shameful feeling that they deserve what happened to them. Again, not speaking for everyone, but I wanted to put it out there.

[@thehealthywriter]

Good point! Research revealing why some people gained weight back even after making successful strides became the basis for the ACEs (spoiler alert: the weight was or felt like a protective mechanism for people who had suffered abuse).

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

This is an EXCELLENT perspective, and there’s truth in that. Recent studies have shown that between 20-30% of obese adults were victims of CSA, which supports the opinion of people using obesity as a security blanket. Bad hygiene is also a security blanket that CSA and SA victims use as well.

[@nancynewman6592]

Yes I agree re weight gain as a crutch against SA. My best friend's sister had the beauty of literally Snow White but gained 75-100 pounds after sexual trauma, to change her appeal, although I doubt it was acknowledged even to herself at the time😔

[@amelia.ruby_etal]

@somethingsomeone4359 I totally agree.

[@cmg25]

Also observed.

[@onaraisedbeach]

It's so depressing seeing a tidal wave of forum posts from people in their late teens to early twenties asking for anti-aging advice, and the constant fixation on life supposedly ending at 30 - often commented on ironically, but with a pinch of sincerity - drives me nuts. Like my child, you are 22, your life isn't almost over. They even say that crap in ads for therapy apps, yikes! I'm mid-30s and feel 'younger' than I have in years, despite having zero work done and barely any self-care regime beyond mental health. People have always feared aging, but the dominance of social media has turned it into a dreadful obssession for people who, to me at least, look like they still get their school lunches packed for them. It's insane. Touch grass, make real life connections, and wear your scars/stretch marks/wrinkles/"imperfections" with pride.

[@mariegro09]

I agree I also find the focus on life before 30 baffling. LIfe is way better when you get older. But I do wonder why are everyone talking about wrinkles in the 30s? It's not something I have noticed at all.

[@Airbubblepodcast]

Best advice I could give to the younger people. And these will have positive long lasting results. 1. Stay out of the sun! So many people want that natural tan and will lay out for hours in the sun in the summer months. It’s okay to go out for an hour or so but if your trying to avoid wrinkles just don’t do it! Wear sunscreen, and always wear your sun glasses that will protect that sensitive around your eyes. 2. Have a bedtime that doesn’t go into the ams! I know your young wanna party but that will all catch up with you if your not carful. Stick to a decent bedtime schedule, this will help you to avoid dark circles under your eyes and premature aging. 3. Hydrate!!!!! So many young people drink soda and Gatorade. This isn’t hydration!! Drink water and lots of it every few hours. This severely effects your skin. In fact this is one of the top reasons that wrinkles can start to from is because of dehydration. 4. Stop smoking! Smoking can cause you to age faster than pretty much anything else. 5. Stop drinking! Drinking dehydrates you and will cause premature aging, it’s truly the worse thing for your skin. Stick to drinking occasionally. There are so many more tips I can give but those are things that will be incredibly effective. I know this because I do it myself. I’m 37 years old yet I’ve been told I look 32! Sometimes even late 20s because I do all these things that have greatly benefited me. Prevention is all that is needed. You don’t need to spend a million dollars on beauty care. Just live a healthy life style and you can look like a million bucks no joke. 😊

[@Yulia.chandrika]

This advices are very good but the woman on the video os forgetting that how are you psychologically and what you cultivate inside as a person makes a huge impact in your magnetism and attractiveness believe it or not.

[@amandatwright]

The editing on this was so effective! Well done!

[@nightfall3605]

Phineas & Ferb had an episode that had the model agent straight up state they were looking for an unobtainable standard of beauty in order to pump up sales. In a Disney children’s cartoon!!

[@xUnic31x]

Is it about Candace’s neck?

[@nightfall3605]

@@xUnic31x Doofensmirtz created an EnlargerRay (tm) and Candace got hit, doubling her size (proportional). So a 10’ young woman is the ultimate impossible standard; buy our products to try to measure up! 💸💸💸

[@nightfall3605]

@@xUnic31xDoofensmirtz created an Enlarger-Ray (tm) that hit Candace, making her double in size proportionally. So a 10’ young woman as a model is an impossible goal, but the company could sell the hope.

[@traumaqueeen]

Its all in our minds. We use these products or buy these things THINKING they improve our looks, maybe they do, but also its all in our heads. Once you accept yourself as you naturally are, you don't need these products to make yourself feel good.

[@kathrinscharrer3923]

Spot on. But it is important to remind others it is just in their heads too, especially if they use it against others. Like reminding people that when there was not an abundance of food, having more body fat was considered beautiful, etc.

[@aranavenger]

My sister and I inherited very different genes when it came to skin and weight. Growing up side by side, it was very obvious to us the difference in how we were treated in all aspects of our life. It also even still has a massive impact on our spending on beauty products, make-up, clothes and the time we spend on such things.

[@nattamused9074]

Too bad more people don’t work on their inner beauty. Youth and beauty fade. It’s an inescapable fact. But character, peace, kindness, and joy last. And unlike cosmetics, you can’t just run out and buy them. You have to earn them.

[@karensullivan7060]

My mother was so incredibly narcissistic and superficial that I rejected all of this b.s. in my teens. I was blessed with excellent skin and beautiful teeth (genetics). I haven't worn makeup in decades, and never, ever used foundation. So even now, watching Jane Seymour and Cindy Crawford hawking their wares, I don't bite.* Age will catch up with you in the end, and it will no doubt be roughest for those who fought it the hardest. Good health and loving relationships are the gold standard in life. *I made an exception on my wedding day last year, and used Plexiderm to ditch my eye bags for the day :)

[@vivafamilia7867]

I was working in finance and had a grreat budget for self care . Lonely asf but I looked nice. Marriage, kids, staying at home instead of working....ugly. I woke up out of it and now getting myself back into the game. Around the ones I love because they come first.

[@spenx09]

Love to see Intelexual's work featured ❤

[@JustChillingOnTattoine]

I feel really blessed that I don't live in the United States, you guys have absolutely crazy beauty standards for women! The normalization of major surgeries like facelifts, BBLs, or nosejobs are bonkers to me 😮😅 I live in Central Europe and the only people I know who had plastic surgery are people like my mom who had a breast reductionfor health reasons (back pain). I would never risk my health for beauty. A surgery is a surgery, it doesn't make it any less risky if it's "just" plastic surgery

[@genreartwithjb5095]

Mmmm don’t go to Italy then. Rome especially is nose job central. I saw more nose jobs in Piazza Navona then I did in my whole time living in NY

[@IAMBIANCABROWN_]

Wow! This cover though. Can’t wait for the premier.

[@XenoCake]

Great video. Also, that bookshelf is fire!

[@YochevedDesigns]

"Why don't you just eat better and go to the gym" is such a classist and ableist statement. Everyone who doesn't live under a rock knows that there are food deserts, and that eating well costs a fortune. Many people can't afford a gym membership, or don't have a gym near them. Disabled people often can't work out at all, or it will damage their health further. Even walking to the mailbox (if you can walk) can be a challenge.

[@uraddiictOnx3]

I feel like the underlying problem here is no sense of identity/low self esteem…

[@geringergasse2]

To my non-native speaker ears that sounds like "Just work on your self esteem" which would be kind of judgy. I hope you didn't mean that...

[@ThatBookGirl]

Yeah, I think that’s definitely a thing, but i’d also like to add that there’s an entire marketing industry geared towards feeding those insecurities in people. Not to mention the fact that in 2024, very few of us are raised to have a strong sense of self to begin with. We live in a society etc

[@paulmaxwell-walters8861]

considering unattractive and "ugly" people are often discriminated against and earn less in the job market, not to mention the effects it has on how people treat them and their likelihood of finding a partner, I'd say there is a more rational side to worrying about looks than just self esteem issues. Not being deemed societal attractive has real consequences.

[@uraddiictOnx3]

@@geringergasse2 I did mean that. running to follow trends and cause irreversible damage to your body is low self esteem. Obsessing over what the wealthy and rich do is not healthy behavior. Also being “unattractive” or “ugly” is not a death sentence and ppl who are in that category can and do live healthy and productive lives, find partners etc. Unplug from the devices yall. Realize there is way more to life than physical appearance.

[@adamcorfman573]

Almost like financial security has a large effect on confidence and mental health in general. 🤔

[@Weissenschenkel]

Fun fact: in Brazil, Brazilian Butt Lift is called only "Butt Lift". But here (pun not intended) the champions are: liposuction, breast augmentation, botox and rhinoplasty.

[@denelva]

This was a very interesting and informative video. I turn 41 soon and the only "objection" I have here is the weight section. I've been both underweight and overweight (unrelated to eating disorders) and as I'm getting older, I've realised that no matter how irritating it is to accept a so called "beauty standard", a healthy weight IS and SHOULD be the most desireble. Not because of aestethic or fixation on looks, but because unforturnately, getting older will become more painful if you are too heavy OR too thin. "Clean eating" is a term I hate, though, because it implies that NOT eating like what's perceived as "clean", makes you "dirty", turning your food and eating into a question of hygiene and moral, that it just shouldn't be! I need to eat more like the average man calorywise, due to a very heavy job, but I don't have the time, energy or will to turn it into "perfection". The important things in no specific order, are: - getting full - getting enough nutritiants - an easy routine - taste I want to make sure I don't get hungry midst work, that I don't skip the fat (because past 40 your face definitely will look older if you're 10-20 pounds below your "ideal" weight). I want to keep my "work day diet" simple, easy, sustainable and preferably with some treats. How ever, if I tried to make a nutritionwise "perfect" diet plan for my average work day, I'd be beyond stressed and definitely paying way too much money that I just don't have - while also getting a way worse mental health, which is a price I'm not wiling to pay. Sure, I care about my looks and it's not FUN to notice wrinkles and more brittle hair, but since my work is 100% physical and also quite heavy - often in bad weather - I've become far more concerned with keeping my joints, bones and muscles as painfree as possible - which can be expensive too! Some of the BEST advices to keep the aging signs away some, are to take care of your mobility and your muscles, use sunscreen and get enough sleep. All of it possible to do in one way or another for MOST people - and of course, according to what's possible for each individual. I use affordable skincare products with retinol too, yes, but I've never had the patience to use make-up and when it comes to my hair, I just want to keep it long for as long as I can. My one purely for the aestethic routine, is painting my nails, something I started to do not even a year ago. My hands easily get scarred at work and the wear and tear is much more visible when I don't care about my nails. So, when I have the energy, I use cheap polish to brighten them up. Also: your feet! For the love of all things good: take care of your feet and remember that SOME calluses are SUPPOSED TO BE THERE (same with your hands) to protect your skin from too much pressure. This little tirade of my reminds me that once I've finished this excellent video, I have to take at least 30 minutes to stretch my aching, aging body because I'm 40+, it's winter and my work is taking a huge toll on me. Thank you for the reminder that "beauty" and health so often are about money and time, two things the absolute majority of the world's population, simply don't have to keep up with even a fraction of the beauty standards!

[@elly7199]

Beautiful advice! I’ve come to a lot of the same conclusions myself. I’ve noticed if I concentrate on nutrition and exercise to focus on muscle and recovery health, my skin glows. Truly, skin is often a window into our internal body health. If one only concentrates on skin health, it is easy to miss outward signals that something bigger within the body might not be working right and needs to be addressed. Sleep also plays a huge role in health (and therefore, beauty). Love how you explained this!

[@MIOLAZARUS]

I agree. I have been both very over weight and too skinny too. And being strong and healthy is good for us and Will help us age better ❤

[@sneeria]

I absolutely love your take on this. I have started to realize how deep the morality of money runs in my psyche, having been hyper-aware of this from a young age in one way or another. The MLM/plastic surgery club/Norman Rockwell part sent me! Thanks for your perspective.

[@laurtheonly4980]

I’m not on tt but Ive been saying what you mentioned about skincare for a couple years. Skincare marketing is absolutely wild and people who don’t engage with weight loss, makeup, or fashion content can be influenced by skincare trends. My teenager has friends that wouldn’t be caught dead wearing makeup but have shelves full of skincare. it’s nuts

[@annan.3283]

This is one of your best videos! The TikTok graphics in the beginning were top notch! I think skincare gained popularity at the beginning of the pandemic when people were staying home and not wearing makeup. Now clean girl aesthetic is trending so everyone needs to have good skin.

[@yensid4294]

For most of my young adult life, basics like manicure/pedicures & regular visits to the salon were out of reach financially, much less access to a dermatologist or dentist. I had an old root canal/crown from my teens go bad on me in my early 30s. We had no health insurance & had to put the procedure on a credit card because no dentist would accept payments. I had the old crown removed, the infection cleaned out & a new crown put in place. That crown went bad & I ultimately had to have the tooth removed entirely. ( All of this was essentially surgical intervention requiring anesthesia so why tf is dental just not part of regular insurance?) My personal dentist would not take payments for a bridge, so I had to wait over a year to have the tooth replaced. He bitched me out for waiting because teeth will shift blablahblah. Um yeah dude, I couldn't afford it after maxing out a credit card on other medical expenses. He was also always pushing veneers on me (my front teeth had been patched & were very discolored) but even with insurance, that is considered "cosmetic" & not covered. I really don't understand how dental & visual are considered separate from health insurance. So yeah, beauty is often just accessible to the wealthy who can afford to pay for things standard HMOs won't cover.

[@maryeckel9682]

The lack of insurance coverage for dental care has made it a completely for-profit industry.

[@77Tadams]

Wow. Wow. Wow. Thank you for this as a Gen X woman 47. I am contemplating a facelift. Mainly my lower face and neck. It is difficult to age as a woman in our society. Standards of beauty are hardcore. It would be nice to get rid of the turkey neck. Maybe in Turkey? 😂. Really great info here. Good job and keep them coming!

[@Cafp81654]

I do not like the instagram look. I enjoy people who are different.

[@mba321]

Yeah, the big full, Kardashian clown lips are actually quite off putting. I can't believe someone looks in the mirror at those each day and goes "yup, this was a good idea."

[@billiemunchen]

Health is always beautiful, so is good personal hygiene. Drink a lot of water, don't drink much alcohol, don't smoke/vape. These things are achievable for everyone watching this video.

[@kantigua5544]

ironically i got an ad for noom (weight loss) and had a photo ad for plastic surgery under this video as i watched it

[@andrealaham3362]

@19:15 Immediately I remembered the part of the movie Zoolander where the main villain is using Zoolander to model his 'DERELICT' homeless-chic collection

[@beverlystraus9300]

@andrealaham3362 A trivia point: The movie Zoolander was released around the tragic time of 9/11. I remember debating with my teenage son whether or not to go the movies to watch it at such a tragic time in our history. We ultimately decided to go saying that we really needed a two- hour reprieve from our reality. BTW, I was a 1st Lieutenant in the U.S. Army Reserve. It was a scary time for us in the USA & my personal life. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 53:28

[@nachtorchis]

we need to define beauty differently. As an autistic woman, I find the people who are found to look beautiful terrifying to see. I don't like looking at those faces. I don't like looking at them moving especially. It is difficult to read those faces, to read emotions. I don't find them attractive or aesthetically pleasing at all. And maybe you don't either, but you might be brainwashed to feel that way. Isn't the most beautiful face a smiling one? Isn't a wrinkly smiling radiating kind face the most beauty you have ever seen? To me it is! I loved the face of my mother, of my grandmother soooo much. That IS what beauty is: it must feel nice to look at. The looking at is the important thing. I feel so much joy looking at faces that have aged, and show how much a person has smiled in their life: the "crows feet" are the most endearing to me. They make me love a face instantly. I trust that face. What you consider beauty has been programmed into you. There is no beauty there.

[@DeniseMaxwell-nb4mb]

I also like to look at real faces, rather than Barbie

[@radicalaccounting]

yes, agreed.

[@ashleyarlo]

They’re both beautiful if smiling and kind- older, younger, traditionally beautiful, or not.

[@merrymachiavelli2041]

I think there's an element to this that's a bit missing - is beauty really worth the time and effort? This is kinda of glossed over in the beginning. Sure, if your career involves being on camera, the answer might be yes, but for everyone else? Yes, there's a premium on beauty. But is that premium _really_ worth thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours a year? Especially given that it just seems to me the more people obsess over beauty, the more it bothers them. When it comes to specific acute insecurities/problems (IDK, if you've been bullied your entire life for having an ugly nose, getting a nose job might improve your life), sure. Beyond that, I'm doubtful significant investment in beauty is worth it, either economically or in terms of wellbeing. The gender disparity is also huge, and probably has societal implications in terms of things like savings rates.

[@elly7199]

I’m 54. After decades of being a woman and thinking my routine/life will get easier if I do “this thing,” I have begun to get fed up. It’s always a moving goalpost of what is considered ideal or close to ideal. How many years have I wasted on such nonsense when I could have been toiling away at something that brought true value into my life??? I love makeup but not on myself. I love the painting aspect. I think it’s time I took a how to paint with watercolors class and create something instead of buying excess cosmetics that I won’t ever use up! It’s time for a mental reality shift.

[@adamp6320]

Thank you, I did believe this video would kind of look more into the cost/benefit of artificially inflating your attractiveness and break that along gender lines. Would be fascinating to see what are the most cost effective ways for the average man / woman to obtain an amount of beauty priviledge. I believe based on my life experience for men it would be teeth whitening/straightening and sadly for women it would be weight loss. But let's see what the studies show (if there are any)

[@elinat2414]

I agree that it should be the choice of each individual to define the extent to which they want to participate in beauty culture. To be honest, for me, I think being decently groomed, and reasonably fit is enough to exist comfortably in society. Being on either extreme of looks spectrum will just create a situation where you are mostly defined by your looks. If you're just average or slightly above average (eg cute rather than drop dead gorgeous), people are less likely to focus on your appearance too much and see other, more important aspects.

[@brandyk]

Well it is the choice of each individual and you seem to have made a good one. I happen to agree. It is better over a lifetime to be average or slightly above. The benefit may not come till later but at least you will not have that giant fall from grace that too many beauty privileged people have especially women. Age 50-90 is ao g time to be pining for earlier days when one was on top of the world. There will always be someone prettier and someone younger. It's not fair to blame pretty women though or be jealous as they are not all selfish ego maniacs they just happen to have good genes but it is not all it's cracked up to be I'm sure. They often do t get to develop other parts of their personalities, other women are jealous of them or don't want their significant other to even meet them n they never quite know if anyone really likes them for them.

[@minder5066]

It is a choice, but just like any other choice, your decisions and actions will effect the way you are perceived and it is solely up to you to make peace with that. Rather than expect others to make peace with your decision which will only result in frustration

[@972Mockingbird]

Great content. I really appreciate the research that goes into these deep dive videos. Thank you!

[@magiclover9346]

Being too tall for a woman is like being too short for men. Can't change it yet without costly surgery it really effects your economic, social and romantic opportunities.

[@Libertydream7]

It's not true. Taller women can become models, flight attendant, and they're seen as more attractive. Shorter women are also seen as attractive, unlike shorter men, but there's that whole strong vibe lacking.

[@coral_pine]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@Libertydream7 These professions are both extremely demanding of how you present yourself and your time - they are not what a random tall woman would be doing. There are no automatic “strong vibes” given to us And they are also not a go-to: you need to be slim (and I mean veeeeery slim in both weight and their bones structure) and conventionally attractive

[@Libertydream7]

@@coral_pine I dont understand the offence here. I responded to a post that wrongfully compared tall women to short men. Tall women are viewed as very attractive, more than shorter women actually.

[@Alex-mc5yn]

@@Libertydream7 by whom, the other women? It's a hell no from most men.

[@Alliebei]

​@@Libertydream7No

[@feliciaw.9248]

Great job adding Lexual to the works cited. Her content is spectacular.

[@AngryTapeworm]

The US culture is insane. I do have crooked teeth but never in a million years would I feel apprehensive at a job interview because of it.

[@susanstephan7689]

I kind of figured out a while ago that skincare is mostly woo-woo and that I no longer wish to participate in trying to hide the appearance of aging, so now my routine is just 1. What affordable product makes my skin feel nice. 2. Sunscreen. I'm in my 40s and look it, but I'm tired of having to think about something that half the population never even gives a thought to.

[@MissAynneK]

Lmao I find it hilarious that Tyga made it into that montage @24:27 of men over 40 that magically grew hair 😂 😂

[@justing4601]

This is an interesting topic. Thanks for covering this.

[@geringergasse2]

In my thirties I read in an eco-magazine that the additives in skin creams don't reach where they're supposed to work: in the subcutaneous connective tissue. So the best skin care is fat because this nourishes the epidermis. Of course, microparticles have now been developed that can overcome the skin's protective mechanism, but I still use rich skin cream and hardly have any wrinkles, even though I'm over 60 years old.

[@mariemaier5630]

Is mostly greens and little sun exposure

[@geringergasse2]

@@mariemaier5630 No, it's mostly fat.

[@pendafen7405]

What is the brand of cream you use? Or do you make it?

[@geringergasse2]

@@pendafen7405 Skin Food by Weleda. The rich one, not the light version.

[@janeandrews1790]

Almond oil.

[@daphneferrizone2335]

My sister and I used to joke about trendy hair "It doesn't have to look good, it just has to look expensive."

[@Kyechosis13]

The irony of there being a Skims ad as I watch this

[@ruthfrewin9389]

Excellent research, eloquent presentation.

[@janellenelson7361]

Im getting braces at 27 next month, its going to cost me $7000 out of pocket. Its awful. If I came from a wealthy family I wouldve been able to have them done as a teen but here I am...

[@radicalaccounting]

good for you. Be where you are and proud of it.

[@sarahmiller4084]

Have you researched Smile Direct Club? It's about 1/2 price or less.

[@NjonjoNdehi]

Some men are literally avoiding women who've undergone plastic surgery in order to avoid trouble down the road.

[@toniaijeli1773]

You referenced “intellectual”! I love her content. I really like when 2 of my fav KZbinrs cross paths!

[@SuperYogagirl]

Some very valid points. As someone in their early 50''s there is a lot of pressure to look young. This can cost thousands of dollars 💵

[@thatonedog819]

The nice thing is if you wait long enough, your insecurities will often come into fashion. Dark undereye is already in and an hour glass figure, now I am waiting for hip dips to come in lol