Friends Gets Therapized (On a Break) with Jonathan Decker

Friends Gets Therapized (On a Break) with Jonathan Decker //
Through all the jokes and story lines, the most quoted line was, "We were on a break!" Dating on and off, taking a break, what does it really mean? Communication is key. Watch this video as we dive into the idea of intentions versus results.
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[@littlebitaver]

I think Chandler summed it up best: *"You slept with somebody 3 hours after you thought you broke up. I mean, bullets have left guns slower!"*

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

Go Chandler!

[@IxiaRayne]

Thiiiiiissssss

[@fanOmry]

Yeah... Don't care. You dumped me? You don't have a say in any form of association I have. You want me back? That's nice. Even if I want you back, you don't get to retroactively change your choice to dump me. I don't see nearly as much Hate, Canonical or not, going to BTVSs Anya for sleeping with Spike, who Xander at best tolarated. And to remind, the motives here basically the same. They were dumped, not understanding why. And found momentary solace. As to Ross in general, yeah he did a lot of @hit during that show. But all if it was OOC for him. I can think of only two exceptions here. The Rachel Marriage and the Sandwich Anger. And both were actually understandable within context. Not Right, but understandable. And for both he actually pays, in ways none of the others ever do for their own. I honestly never got what he saw in Rachel in the first place. Did I forget and in later Seasons she actually developed the moral Fiber of actually owning her mistakes and do better? Because in my memory, she never once not project onto others her own vice.

[@AllThePeppermint]

Precisely! Sure, they were on a break, BUT if he wanted any hope of reconciling with Rachel, why would he hurry into bed with a total stranger? Not to mention the entire reason Rachel wanted the break was because Ross was so ineffably insecure that he didn't trust Rachel in her new job, because he thought Rachel's boss wanted to have sex with her. To me it sounds like he thought to himself, "I'm not going to be faithful to Rachel, even now because you're not going to be faithful to me. You're going to sleep with your boss and I'll sleep with 'Miss Rando', and we'll be even."

[@mariemiel]

this this THIS

[@daniellemontreal3491]

The fact that Ross ran all over town to prevent Rachel finding out that he slept with someone proves that he knew he was wrong.

[@moonlitskylight5740]

That part is what pisses me off most. Break or not, he should have just told her what he did. Hiding it was the cheery on top.

[@karleighrock593]

Exactly!! The fact that Ross always tried to justify his actions by saying “ we were on a break” .., means that they were not really on a break. He even told his own children about that situation and tried to justify his behaviour , which was really messed up because it’s none of their business what their dad does in his personal life.

[@natiagogichaishvili3556]

Ok, seriously did nobody watch the series here? He wanted to tell, but other guys made sure he wouldn't do it.

[@Wyrm7774]

Feeling guilty doesn't make the action wrong.

[@petrmaly9087]

@@natiagogichaishvili3556 Nobody here watched the show, they are ignoring 90% of the plot line because some youtuber years ago told them they should hate Ross.

[@imakefoodhappen]

Even if it was a break up, imagine the person you love sleeping with someone else within 24 hours after you guys break it off. Would still hurt like hell and it would change how you see them forever.

[@SammieMousie]

This is my biggest issue with Ross. It doesn't matter that they were on a break, what he did hurt Rachel and he down plays it as though being on a break makes it totally okay.

[@daverhoden445]

@@SammieMousie Just going to ignore the fact that he knew that the guy he was jealous of, that he thought she was attracted to, that he (correctly) felt was attracted to her, was alone in her apartment with her before he got drunk and slept with Copy Girl? She hurt him just as much without even the excuse of a drunken one night stand.

[@silence1189]

@@daverhoden445 Yeah, but he slept with the Girl... Rachel didn't... And, if was it her, sleeping with the guy 3 hours later the "break up", Ross would freak the fuck out...

[@kimbarbeaureads]

He wouldn't have done it if he wanted Rachel back. It was three hours. And even before he slept with copy girl, he wasn't being a good boyfriend. The more pathetic and jealous he behaved the more repulsive he became to her. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@Tentacl]

Indeed, but put yourself on the head of the other person. Someone you love asks for a break. You assume they did that to have sex with other, more attractive person and feel like crap. hell, you probably don't believe they actually love you at that point. Why let a chance to numb the pain with pleasure pass? This kind of thing just doesn't have to happen if a couple just say at the start - the nuke button is a no-go unless we are broken FOREVER. Yeah, everyone gets confused and angry sometimes, but if ending is just something no one can threaten with there's no way to act confused about it - both know if this is brought up, nothing remains.

[@heathersmith4042]

I think it's also worth pointing out that Rachel and Ross' relationship was stressed to the breaking point already BECAUSE of Ross's insane jealousy. He was convinced that Rachel couldn't be trusted and kept harassing her about Mark, to the final straw where he heard her confiding in Mark, completely platonically, and yet instantly assumed the worst. I'd have been incredibly hurt if my boyfriend had behaved like that and then turned around and slept with a stranger mere hours after a fight. He has one set of standards for Rachel and another set for himself.

[@DeeDubb247]

EXACTLY!! 👏👏👏

[@MJQueenForever]

So does Rachel though. Throughout the seasons, she uses people to make him jealous, goes to ruin his wedding, demands he stays single when she's having his baby and then gives their phone number out to a guy and kisses another whilst he's with their child in their appartment. She chose her career over him and their anniversary. Rather than organise something to make it up to him, she kicks off and rather than cooling off and asking for time to calm down? She angrily tells him she wants a break, and then she later says to NOT ROSS, but MARK that she doesn't? She's just as complicated and toxic in their relationship and their friendship as Ross is, IMO.

[@svensei5643]

I aggree, but we have to be a bit fair to Ross: He was cheated once by his wife he was married with 8 years long. So I think he deserves a bit empathy

[@HumorousLOL]

He had every reason to be. Don't act like you wouldn't feel the same way of your bf was spending a TON of time with a female co worker to the point where you call one time and hear that woman in the background. Get real.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

I think that regardless of whether the break meant broken up or just some space that Ross immediately turning around and sleeping with someone else tells Rachel everything she needs to know about where they stand.

[@boopsy4439]

I agree

[@julietardos5044]

Exactly, and then tried to cover it up. He knew he was in the wrong. The episode that takes place right afterwards is my absolute favorite, with outstanding story and acting.

[@BladeX11883]

exactly, also the fact that he tried to cover it up says something in itself. Ross is such a d**ch of a character. They were toxic couple

[@briannalee1998]

And the fact that he went out of his way to hide it from her instead of being honest and apologizing also shows Ross’ true colors and shows Rachel where he stood. She was more committed than him. Even when their breakup was official, she didn’t sleep with someone else right away or try to hide it. She was the faithful one and the honest one which is ironic because the whole reason they “took a break” in the first place was because Ross kept thinking that she would cheat on him with Mark.

[@corneliahanimann2173]

I really dislike Ross...I really want him to do therapy and learn how to reflect.

[@theblackkittie13]

If Ross truly felt that he did nothing wrong in sleeping with another person, then he wouldn't of gone to such extremes to hide it from Rachel

[@jessicasmith1766]

Great point!

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly and he wouldn’t get so defensive about it.

[@squattingheads]

I think I’m right about stealing being wrong. Doesn’t mean I don’t secure my stuff. Being right doesn’t protect you from people being wrong

[@lyn1896]

Well, there is a difference between "nothing wrong" and "smart". Telling people that "I am right, so you have to correct your feelings", is a hard sell. Withholding the information that make them feel sad therefor could feel like the best option.

[@FirstNameLastName-jg1es]

Oh damnnnnn

[@insertcrochetpunhere]

Early in our marriage my husband and I started saying, "What did you hear?" When we said something that resulted in a very different reaction than what we intended. And then the other person gets to tell you what you just communicated to them. It's been a huge help.

[@carleighrousseau4226]

That is beautiful

[@HuskerNinja]

Oh, I like that a lot.

[@annaadams7128]

That's really smart!!!

[@alexare6655]

Fuck that's good stuff.

[@HannaMagdalena]

That's suuuuch a good tip. Thank you!

[@baronessvonginger1585]

Their relationship was breaking down long before “we were on a break.” Their relationship was imbalanced from the get go. Because he liked her so much longer before they got together he entered the relationships thinking he had already done way more work than he had. Their first time going out on a date got ruined because he got called into work and she rolls with it very graciously. A year later on their first anniversary she’s having to work late and he is not being nearly as understanding about it as she had been in the exact same situation just a year earlier. He starts making her having a career that’s important to her all about him and in the middle of that argument as she is at the end of the rope she asks the question “maybe we should just take a break” and without even asking further questions HE storms out. At no points in all of that does he take accountability for his side of that. Ross throughout the entire series continues to NOT take accountability for the things that he does. Years later when they are having the positive communication it’s because Rachel is taking accountability for something she had done. And even before they get together and long after they break up Ross displays an attitude of ownership over Rachel that he does not deserve. In season 10 he is dating Charlie and yet he makes her feel like she needs to apologize to him for wanting to date Joey. Where as we all love the will they, won’t they of the Ross and Rachel relationship, at the end of the day Ross’s character really isn’t a very healthy character to have a relationship with.

[@udraj914]

finally, someone who remembers. He literally told her "I dont feel like I have a girlfriend anymore", just because she got busy at work

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly. Ross never took accountability for any of his actions or admitted that what he did was wrong. Rachel deserved better.

[@randomfangirl2503]

💯% agree

[@IxiaRayne]

He had good moments but in so many more he was just toxic or homophobic, ngl.

[@TygraLione]

I totally see this as a direct result of the way his parents raised him. He was the golden child; he could do no wrong. And when he did? It was always somehow Monica's fault. He learned, and had it ingrained in his mind, that he didn't *have* to take accountability, because it was always someone else's fault. Ross is an awful, toxic person, but as a character, the way he behaves makes so much sense.

[@annabland1110]

To me, the question of whether or not he cheated needs to be set aside for the deeper question of what his actual desires and motivations are. Okay, so he thought they broke up. Fine. But the fact that the first thing he did when he thought that it was over was to sleep with someone else immediately, that gives insight into who he was and what his love and commitment meant and didn’t mean, and what he truly wanted. Add to that, the fact that the entire precipitating conflict was all about his jealousy because she got a job she liked and worked with a man she got along with, and you get a pretty clear picture of where his head is at. It was unacceptable to him that she would have a life outside of him, but the second he thought he had no claim on her anymore, he was with someone else. She was much better off without him.

[@themighteefox]

Well, Ross did show he wanted to talk to her about the whole "break" thing, when he called her from the club, but unfortunately the guy from her work picked up, so now Ross thought they've defintely broken up and she's sleeping with her coworker. If that wouldn't have happend, he wouldn't have "cheated", I guess. But Ross was at fault in the first place. His insecurities (kind of "Why would the holy Rachel be together with a guy like me?") spurred on his incredible jealousy, suffocating Rachel completely. She told him many times, that she does not want him to take such control over her. Ross should've talked to Rachel and tell her in a serious and calm discussion how he feels in their relationship. That he feels like they're losing that connection. And he should've told her what he would like Rachel to do, to make him feel that there's still a relationship. But also give her time to tell him, what's important to her and that it feels like he doesn't trust her, with all his jealousy. They would've defintely found a way, so both could be more happy with their situation. They really should've communicated with each other in a calm and mature way and this would've never happened.

[@harveythepooka]

Ding, ding, ding! Exactly. She deserved better.

[@monio.9444]

That's exactly what I said. What sane person who trully loved someone for so many years would go and do that the same day? Even if they were broken up. And yeah, he wasn't a decent guy in general, not only with Rachel. He was only nice as long as he would get something out of it.

[@JS-dv9ji]

👏👏👏

[@MyGoldenShadows]

Comment on point!

[@nicoleroden9647]

When you said: "we're on the same page" it reminded me of one of the sweetest things my husband has ever said to me in our 16 years of marriage. We were debating a HUGE life change and we we're seeing exactly eye to eye on how to move forward with our decision. I said "I just wish we were on the same page about this." and he replied with "no, we're on the same page, just different paragraphs." I thought it was perfect because he was acknowledging how we had different viewpoints but that was OK and even so we still wanted to go in the same direction. ♥

[@stephanieledogar4471]

Well said

[@naowright9308]

I will be married 16 years this year and I find this SO sweet.

[@aliw1536]

That’s so sweet. Thx for sharing

[@annaadams7128]

That's so so sweet!!

[@kristinakumpfhuber4459]

I think technically he wasn't unfaithful (according to my idea of a relationship break, at least). However, if a guy sleeps with woman B on the same evening as they took the break with woman A, woman A is right to question if the relationship is actually important to the guy. Ross may not have cheated, but it was still odd behaviour from a guy who claims to be willing to make a relationship work

[@jaynehogue2459]

Once she said she wanted to take a break she forfeited any right

[@alcyonae]

He had a revengef***. He’s a petty, small, insecure man who can’t just let things go. As you say, it’s not so much that he was intimate with another woman while on a break, but the speed of it all. He didn’t catch a breath between the phone call and hitting on the other woman

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly and he also went out of his way to hide it from her. If he thought he did nothing wrong by sleeping with that woman, he wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble of hiding it from her.

[@cityteen]

Some might say, “Guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor” 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@Lina-lq7jm]

It's more than just odd behavior. It's immature and it's ugly, to say the least. I always hate then people try to slip through because of technicality. And technicality just means that he found a loop hole, not that he acted morally. Besides, no guy who would want to get back together with the woman, a woman he claims to love, would actually sleep with someone else and see nothing wrong with that. I personally always found Ross to be petty and vindictive. But maybe that's just me. LOL

[@mizixy9624]

With Ross’ ex-wife Carol, it’s been heavily implied that she cheated on him with her current wife Susan. I think that’s where many of his issues come from, that betrayal, plus she was his first real relationship and sexual experience. Overall I didn’t like Ross as a character, he may have had his traumatic experiences but he never learned from them and was ultimately his own enemy.

[@mentacose]

I agree so much. I feel like so much of Ross's issues with his relationships stems from the trauma of having his trust broken by Carol. The possessiveness, the insecurity, the jealousy. He's understandably kinda broken from that experience, and he wasn't prepared for any of the relationships that followed.

[@kateginger]

That's why therapy can be so important. Traumas happen to us, but it's important to not be toxic and do the work to mature and love unconditionally.

[@MamaMOB]

But if I remember correctly the show actually proves to us that she didn’t. While she was still married to Ross the only time she was intimate with Susan is when Ross was involved. Then she divorced him to be with Susan. As far as we know she never actually cheated on him. At least not that I can recall.

[@jaycievictory8461]

@@MamaMOB That was in the alternate reality episode. The "what if" we'd made different choices, and Ross's choice was what if I'd stayed married to Carol. In the canon episodes, there are strong hints the Susan thing happened while they were still married.

[@mattyh2464]

Susan was kind of an awful person to Ross...almost vindictive in her treatment of him at times.

[@monmonmonsta]

My take on the 'break' is that while Ross genuinely did believe the relationship was over, he jumped to conclusions and, even if they were broken up, jumping straight into bed with someone else is likely to hurt the person he loves. It was overall a terrible move and his refusal to really apologise for the pain that caused Rachel is the reason they couldn't get past it

[@ElkahJones]

If he thought it was over why did he try to getting back with her the next day.... If you genuinely believed it was over I'm sure you wouldn't think you was getting back together the next day?... If he thought he did nothing wrong why did he try so hard to hide from her? He's a CLOWN

[@briannalee1998]

And also, he did it because he heard Mark when he called her. Mark who barged into the apartment and Rachel tried to make him leave, but Ross jumped to conclusions, hung up the phone, and slept with that woman out of spite. Also the lengths he went to in order to hide it from her was sketchy.

[@purpurina5663]

It’s hard for me to understand though because when you’re in love with someone, even if you break up you don’t feel like sleeping with someone else -not that soon anyway. I mean it’s not even the next day.

[@kateginger]

Right I don't get why he didn't just say: "I'm sorry, I didn't realise that's what you meant, I didn't want to hurt you like that. " It wouldn't just erase everything, but at least he would look like he does actually care about her feelings and relationship. He cares more about winning the argument and being right, instead of fixing their relationships and making her feel understood.

[@MamaMOB]

Except that he proves that he didn’t believe that the relationship was over. When he says “it could have lasted forever” he indicates he knew it could have lasted for a short period of time. Now he may have felt that he had the right to sleep with someone while on a break but he knew they were not broken up.

[@brandifaith3410]

I think he knew exactly what a “break” was and that it didn’t mean breaking up. He even said, “you said we were on a break…that could’ve lasted forever for all I know” which implies he knew they weren’t broken up but that the break could *lead* to being broken up. I don’t think he misunderstood at all, I think he stormed out and then when he calmed down and tried to call her he heard Mark’s voice on the phone and that jealousy (whether he thought they were sleeping together or that he was just there comforting her) and ego is what caused him to react and try and hurt her and in turn comfort himself for a few minutes. And to be fair to Rachel…she didn’t even say they were on a break, she was just suggesting it and throwing it out there to see his thoughts and to basically see if he was willing to change or work on their issues, he’s the one that stormed out which essentially made it official. Her exact words were “I don’t know, I don’t know, maybe we should take a break” he then suggests ice cream and she says “no….a break from us.” If he has stayed there, realizing how serious this moment was and that he might really lose her forever, and instead of storming out told her that he didn’t want that and that they could work on this, that he could work on his part and maybe she could work on hers, then this whole thing could’ve been avoided. I think he 100% knew what a break was, but he couldn’t get past his own ego and admit he is what broke them and in turn decided to try and fool everyone and else and even himself into saying it was ok cause they were broken up. Even if they were broken up, he knew what he did what was wrong, he just couldn’t really admit that to everyone else.

[@MamaMOB]

And I think the fact that he slept with the first woman he laid eyes on after that argument is even more proof of that. It’s not that he went on a couple of dates found a girl he liked and subbed with her. He literally picked the first girl he laid eyes on. He did that specifically to hurt Rachel. Ross was always very jealous and he assumed that Mark was making moves when he wasn’t. So he wanted to hurt Rachel the way that he had decided he’d been hurt.

[@traceyparrishtarpkin8288]

Rachel said a break from us. That sounds like break up to me.

[@chrismccaffrey8256]

@@traceyparrishtarpkin8288 mmmm, not to me. Take a break means lets allow some space and come back together when were more stable etc. It implies a small space where you aren't tied to each other side by side. Of course if you have a healthy relationship and/or youre ready for one, you shouldnt need a "break".

[@inasaira8380]

nah rachel literally tells monica they "broke up" and then she tells ross "can i be your girlfriend again?" Monica: How’s the big anniversary dinner? Rachel: Well, we never actually got to dinner. Monica: Ohhh, nice! Rachel: No, we kinda broke up instead.

[@catherine7818]

"Just let it slide" - a golden phrase 😅 Ross and Rachel are such a toxic couple... I'd love to hear what you think of Chandler and Monica. I think they're the most mature couple of the show. Such a joy to watch their interactions

[@briannalee1998]

Monica and Chandler were my favorite couple on the show! They communicated well and truly respectful each other. Rachel and Ross were toxic as hell. They were definitely the mature couple.

[@NorryaParsa]

That's because half of that couple is Monica!! The "mother" caregiver of the group! Give her a pile of cardboard, glue, and a paperclip and her "MacGyver" mind will build you a 4 bedroom 3bath 2 story house!

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

Followed by Mike and Phoebe. They both were mature and understood each other. Each couple involved partners who supported each other and discussed their issues. I really hope I am not the only person thinking this, but I think Joey and Rachel could have achieved this if they had a bigger storyline.

[@moonlitskylight5740]

Looking back over the whole show, I think those two and maybe Rachel on her good days, were the best characters. Ross, Phoebe, and Joey had issues and were all kind of shit people at times.

[@bofhzerozero777]

I like them better than Rachel&Ross, but I think Chandler should have grown more assertive in the relationship by the end of the series.

[@professionalgiraffe]

The "we were on a break" debate itself shows that everyone has different boundaries to what they define as being unfaithful. The bottom line is Ross knew that what he did would hurt Rachel, but he didn't care and did it anyways. So, he was unfaithful to her.

[@lizzyleefree1593]

Ross is the one who stormed away from that conversation before clarifications could be made, and then immediately slept with someone else. Since he is the one who took that action, I think the onus was on him to clarify if seeing other people was OK with both of them. Ross is petty and possessive, so you KNOW he'd never let it go if Rachel did the same thing. Maybe it shouldn't carry the same weight as cheating, but he should have at least owned up never allowing a chance to clarify the terms of the relationship. Rachel is the one who reached out after he walked away to talk things out in a calmer way. He could have attempted that before doing something so brash.

[@lynnevetter]

10,000% agree.

[@ApequH]

He couldn't even let go that Rachel had a coworker she got along with

[@kemerydunn9532]

In fact, a few episodes later she goes on a date with someone and he gets all huffy to the boys about it being too soon!

[@ElkahJones]

If he didn't think it was "cheating" then why did he run all over town to make sure she wouldn't hear about it? He knows he cheated and did her dirty....

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! If he hasn’t pushed Rachel away she wouldn’t have asked for a break, and he could have asked for clarification instead of storming off like a child. To me the problem isn’t necessarily that he slept with that woman, but the sleazy and sketchy way he tried to hide it from Rachel. It was extremely hypocritical after all his worry that she would sleep with Mark, then he turned around, spelt with someone else, and tried to hide it from her. He was extremely petty and never took responsibility for his actions.

[@jessicawood2972]

As nurses, we're taught to repeat back what we hear when we get orders over the phone or when someone on the care team asks for something to prevent errors.

[@tahlia__nerds_out]

Exactly

[@stephaniemasson1224]

I often do that too, to make sure that I'm getting it right. Though I realize some people dislike when I do that, because they think I wasn't actually paying attention, but it's the opposite. I am paying attention, that's why I'm repeating it, to show that I understand what they asked for and to prevent mistakes.

[@carleighrousseau4226]

that part!! hey fellow RN

[@MamaMOB]

Yeah well nurses aren’t drunk narcissists at a club looking to cheat on their girlfriend.

[@chelseabradham3889]

On a break means the dating equivalent of separation. It’s giving each other space and time to rethink whether or not the relationship is a healthy one and can/should be fought for and saved. It does not give either party the freedom to see other people unless in doing so, that person is making the choice to let the previous relationship (at least the romantic one) die.

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly and Rachel never gave clarification of what she meant and that they would still be committed, but Ross should not have jumped to conclusions and he could have asked for clarification.

[@corneliahanimann2173]

Ross understands this, if I remember correctly, he decided to sleep with the other woman because he thought Rachel was sleeping with another man, so his impulsive behaviour prompted him to do the ending move first. Rather than reflecting on why he was so eager to permanently end things with her because he was jealous, he blames her for demanding space...Space she clearly needed from him.

[@karma6574]

That is EXACTLY what "on a break" or "taking a break" means. Thank you

[@LuaanTi]

@@corneliahanimann2173 There's another lesson in there - _don't drink your sorrows_ . It doesn't help, it just makes it much more likely you'll do something really stupid. If you're emotionally unstable, the _last_ thing you want is drugs of pretty much any kind.

[@spiceupyourafterlife]

I also, I feel like this needs to be said: if you need to take a break in a relationship, chances are the relationship is not working.

[@BonesandBooth92]

"Taking a break" means you are still in a committed relationship but you just need space from the other person to re-calibrate. Unless you specifically say you want to "take a break and see other people". Now if Rachel said she wanted to BREAK UP, that would have been totally different. But I still think Ross had to take more ownership of it than he did because then he spent the entire episode trying to hide it and make sure Rachel never knew he slept with the copy store girl. He won't accept the amount of pain he caused Rachel, the woman he claims to love. He's just so focused on it not being his fault and getting back together because it's what HE wants without dealing with the repercussions of his actions. ALSO, what lead to this "I want to take a break" in the first place was Rachel getting busy at her first big career job that she's worked super hard for and Ross was feeling neglected because AGAIN, he wasn't listening to what Rachel needed, he only cared that HE wanted more time with his girlfriend. He showed up at her work when she specifically and repeatedly ask him to leave. He was the one that was bothering her at work when she explicitly said she was busy. UGH. I only binged Friends for the first time in 2019 so all the angst is still fresh lol & probably because Ross reminds me of a past friendship who tried to do the same thing to me, not listening to me and not caring what i wanted or needed so it's hitting too close to home!

[@Random_Wierdo.]

Actually no, taking a break means that you are broken up but are going to get back eventually. And it is breaking up while putting the other person on hold but mutually. I think what you are referring to is “getting some space”

[@Effervescent06]

The way I see it, being on a break implies that it’s a temporary thing. You can’t go sleep with someone else the day after going on said break if you know you both intend to get back together. But that’s just me lol

[@briannalee1998]

I agree! I always thought a break meant it was temporary and that a couple was still committed, but taking some time apart.

[@saikoneko1937]

He didn't even wait a day. I never understood the people who ship them. He is an egomaniac who is possessive of Rachel and soon superficial. Remember the girl he dumped cause she shaved her head. I see Ross and wanna smack him, with Lucille

[@imperviousdonut]

Well said. When we go on our lunch breaks we're expected to return to work right after. Not as hard an idea to comprehend like other people are making it be

[@daverhoden445]

@@saikoneko1937 True but he was still alone longer than she was. Remember that Mark was at the apartment before Ross slept with Chloe. Ross jumped to the conclusion that they were sleeping together but given that his other long term relationship ended with him being cheated on, his conclusion was predictable. And if you're going to talk about him dumping the bald girl, you can't ignore Rachel's manipulation in that situation. They both should have handled their entire relationship differently but Ross always seems to get all the blame.

[@charischannah]

An acquaintance once told my spouse there was something wrong with our relationship because we didn't have screaming fights with each other. Apparently to him that was a sign of a lack of passion or something along those lines. But we just tend to resolve our conflicts calmly and without much drama. Partly this is because my spouse tends to forget conflicts once they're over so he doesn't hold grudges. When there's been a larger conflict (by which I mean ones lasting like a hour rather than ten minutes) it's mostly been because of outside stress influencing our emotions.

[@lunahex]

Wow, me and my hubby are the same. We only have blow up fights when outside factors effect us aka his family

[@fruithippie]

Same here. We are celebrating 10 years in September. We are absolute best friends, fo everything together, kind of attached at the hip, and we just don't fight. We sometimes get into disagreements but to us, nothing is so important to raise voices at each other. Just, "this is how I feel about what you said because of....". It's so easy.

[@acelovesdiyschristopher7023]

Tbh I always said to people they were literally on the phone talking about getting back together and then he hung up and slept with that woman. Great video btw.💖

[@udraj914]

exactly, she calls him back to discuss it, but he hangs up when he hears Mark and sleeps with the first woman he meets just out of spite

[@jaynehogue2459]

Because she had Mark at the house and also she had broken up with them so she shouldn't care and has no right to care who he's with

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! I don’t understand how some people can’t see what Ross did was wrong.

[@squattingheads]

„Getting back together“ so still on a break

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

He did not even let her speak. As soon as he heard Mark enter the room, he was done with the conversation. Ugh! Does not give you permission to sleep with someone else.

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

I think regardless of broken up or just a breather the fact that Ross instantly sleeps with someone shows how little he cared (or how bad the writers did him at that moment cause for all the time he loved her I more could’ve seen him going home and trying to win her back)

[@crystalmorgan8039]

But it was what Ross did. He had an image of what his flavor of the month was supposed to be and punished if they did not live up to it. He expected that one girl that was a college student to be very mature because she was goid in his class, but was mad at her for acting like a typical 20 something college student when with her friends.

[@aleahhenderson-carter61]

The same woman who wrote the theme song to FRIENDS also wrote “September” for Earth Wind & Fire and other multiple hits for MoTown. Her name was Allee Willis. She died shortly after being inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2019. May she rest in power.

[@lydipedia]

Wow that's amazing! Thank you for sharing!

[@zionalbina691]

During one of their conversations, after Rachel says "We weren't broken up, we were on a break" Ross replies "That as far as I knew *could* last forever". By that phrasing he admits himself that the break was indefinite, but not officially permanent. He knew there was a distinction, and a chance for reconciliation, given time. But he made an impulsive decision because he didn't want to wait that long.

[@inasaira8380]

and yet rachel literally tells monica "we kinda broke up instead"

[@Jeenie2212]

He made the decision because he heard Mark with Rachel and reacted out of jealousy and ego and deliberately wanted to hurt her.

[@greatsm2videl]

Oh! I would love to see a video on Chandler and Monica’s marriage.. maybe contrasting their steadfast friendship-based relationship with Ross and Rachel’s rollercoaster relationship or something. It’s not perfect but I love how their marriage is depicted.

[@Moeller750]

For me, what made Ross so terrible wasn't really the fact that he slept with someone else, but that he absolutely refused to acknowledge that his behavior was hurtful either way. That being said, thanks for showing that they actually made some progress in their relationship. I never actually realized before

[@EB4714]

I'm gonna keep this short: A break is a break, she simply wanted time apart to reavalutate the relationship and have breathing room. She NEVER said " I think we should break up", words are important and Ross shouldn't have just assumed they were over, or by the very least wait a day before sleeping with someone else.

[@kiranolan7104]

EB Edits The tone in which she said" I think we need a break" definitely sounded like she wanted to break up. Same with the expression on her face. She was definitely giving vibes that she wanted the relationship to be over. I think people analyze this way too much when it's very clear it WAS indeed a break! Edit: Rachel even clarifies to Ross ' a break from us' after he misunderstands and thinks she just wants space. Obviously, a break from us means she wants to break up!

[@ErrorNotFound-nl1sh]

@@kiranolan7104 I agree, because it definitely sounded like she wanted to break up to me too. However, if Ross actually wanted the relationship to work he would have asked her to clarify what she meant right then, or at the very least, been heartbroken about it until the next time they were able to talk. Instead of, you know, sleeping with someone. It does some like a genuine misunderstanding but if Rachel doesn't have the right to get offended about him sleeping with someone immediately after that conversation, he certainly has no right to think it's okay to want to get back together after that.

[@dulcealvarez6071]

@@kiranolan7104 I disagree, the fact that Ross thought that she meant a break to take an ice cream or something like that (I don't quite remember what he proposed to do) was because Rachel said something in the lines of " I cannot have this discussion now I need a break" and she clarifies that a break from us, it means that she needed time to think, if she would have wanted to break up completely she would have said something like I cannot do this anymore

[@kitsune-c8j]

She literally said “a break from us” when he asked if she needed a break to cool off 🤣

[@kateginger]

@@dulcealvarez6071 I mean generally the definition of the phrase 'let's take a break' is pretty clear. It means you take a break for a while and then come back to where you were left. I think, since her tone sounded so bad, Ross should ask her to clarify what she meant. But I do find it very problematic when people run with their instinct and what your tone sounded like, instead of actually listening to you and your words and asking more questions. And then he could have said that he misunderstood and he's sorry for hurting her feelings, but instead he cared more about winning the argument, and less about the damage in their relationship and how he could fix it.

[@mama2meditate375]

For me, a break might mean a week or two apart to reevaluate the relationship where you are faithful to each other but giving each other space and time. But that’s different for everyone so being very clear is important!!

[@pigpjs]

For my husband and I we assume the other has the best intentions when it comes to mistakes/miscommunication. It helps because when we discuss an issue it's done from a place where there are no accusations. It gets us to a solution/resolve faster.

[@lorrylane69]

Personally, this happened to me. I made the mistake of giving my all for someone that I still love so much. I met this fun fiery guy who warmed my life like sunshine. After dating for a while we became pregnant, he whined his car wasn’t safe enough so I used my credit to buy him the car he wanted because it would be safer for our daughter. We then lost our child and needed a change to get past the pain. Decided to go to school and make sure when we try again that we can support our next child better. I used literally all of my savings to move us to a new city so he could go to a school to better our future. I took such a huge risk. We would talk about our future after he graduated so excitedly. I supported this man for 2 years while he went to school. I kept a full time job and lots of part time jobs so he wouldn’t have to push himself too hard and could focus on studying. Then when his school was finally over we decided it was my turn. I tried to make sure he knew I would have less time for him and eventually he accused me of cheating. He refused to listen when I pleaded with him to believe me. He threw things and broke things. I asked him once he calmed down if we could take a small break. During that time he was invited to the next stage of schooling and he would be away for 3 months. He asked me to marry him and told me that he didn’t want to leave, but I encouraged him to go so we could come back to each other refreshed and he would come back with a better position. The week after he left, he stopped answering my calls and texts. When he finally responded I was upset that he was ignoring me and had just found out that I was pregnant again. He didn’t have time to listen to me. He was angry with me for wanting to be involved and hear about how it was going, hear about his “new friends”. Another week and he slept with his “friend” Sarah in the car I used my credit to get for our daughter. I have so many unfinished things I wish I could say to him. Mostly angry and spiteful. Painful things I want to throw at him to try to punish him for what he has done. Every day as time goes by, I wish I could move on from this pain but it is ever present. The more happy he is with Sarah, in the life I gave to him, the more I want to see him hurt too. The more angry I become. His aunt messaged me out of the blue one night and let me know “he really did care for you” but then also told me that he is happy now and that from what he is saying, I was toxic and manipulative and we weren’t meant to be. That I should move on too, try to be a better person and just let him be happy with Sarah. I can’t help but want to see him in more pain than I am. Maybe it was all the mental distress and heartbreak but then I miscarried our 2nd child. He hasn’t blocked me on his phone but I struggle so dam hard every day to resist the urge to give him a piece of my mind and let him know how terrible he is and how he shouldn’t be happy that he replaced his pregnant fiancée who had been with him for years. “I moved on and so should you” I’m sorry but I don’t move on during a relationship break in the span of a week. I just don’t understand how someone could ever do something like this to another person. To be honest, because of him I wanted to take my life. I am currently struggling to find my raison d’être. I know I will never be able to trust someone like I did him and I currently don’t want a relationship ever again. I hope everything I worked so hard to give him goes to waste and he rots away as trailer trash.

[@MuricaTurkey]

Actually he says 'Oh, you're one to talk" not because she's a lesbian and sleeps with her partner (which would be a really tasteless gay joke) but because she * cheated * on him with her now-partner when she was still married to him. She didn't just leave him because she was gay. She left him because she was cheating on him, and decided she loved her girlfriend instead (which would have been fine- except she cheated). So, on that, I'm sorry, but his ex is being a bit hypocritical (or perhaps I should say it was a strange writing choice for her character) getting all huffy about him cheating, when she had cheated on him for a long while, without even any break up talk whatsoever until she was sure she loved her gf instead. Really messed up. Don't get me wrong- Ross did do something not cool. I'm just saying his ex-wife also did and it's really weird to me that she gives him a guilt trip when she did the same thing not even that long before.

[@gloriebluestein9721]

he does actually say all that....just really fast not being the main point

[@letrailhall-nance9189]

It may have been hypocritical for her to say something, but I think it could have also been coming from the fact that Ross probably gave her SUCH a hard time about it when they were going through the divorce. I can easily imagine Ross being so self-righteous about the fact she cheated on him and throwing it in her face and yet here we are and he has officially been taken off his high horse and made this similar mistake.

[@seppyq3672]

Exactly, just what I was thinking.

[@msinvincible2000]

Couln't agree more. If his wife hadn't cheated on him, Ross would have continued to be a family man, and wouldn't have lived all those misadventures

[@littlecookie22]

when was it ever mentioned that Carol cheated on Ross?

[@CravenWolf1986]

I've been through this "on a break" situation with someone. He initiated it first, and he was clear with me that it just meant some time apart. Okay, cool. I can accept that. When I asked for a break at a later point, I'd told him that it was the same rules that he'd established; that I was not breaking up with him and just wanted some time apart. Knowing this, he still acted as if I'd dumped him, and he began a relationship with a girl online, before eventually asking me if we could try again. But 1) I had not been told about her, and 2) he hadn't told her that we were back together. I only found out because we were playing World of Warcraft and she was openly flirting with him in the guild chat. (I had taken a break from gaming at the same time because it felt like it defeated the purpose of being on a break. So I had no idea that he'd invited her to our guild until we'd gotten back together.) It was extremely awkward, I confronted him about it, and I got very heated about it. In the moment, I was like "if we're together, you need to end it with her" when I should have just ended it then and there. I guess I was less threatened by it because the relationship had only been online, so it didn't really feel like truly cheating. But this event was the beginning of me finally picking up on the red flags in our relationship. Later, I feel like I should not have been that surprised when not even 10 seconds after breaking up with me and asking if we can still be friends (over the phone, mind) he tells me that he's found someone else. It took me weeks to get angry, because I was just in shock over it. I'd requested a meeting just to figure out how it ended this way, and to get some closure, but he kept making the excuse that the girlfriend wouldn't let him. By this point, I'd already figured out that he'd started seeing her behind my back, and was making me out to be some clingy ex before he found the guts to dump me. So, once he finally did agree to see me and talk, I was completely done with him. That was at the start of 2012. He ended up approaching me on Facebook in 2019 "to talk", but I left him on read. Apparently, his marriage was falling apart at the time (I found that out through mutual acquaintances, though). I don't need his drama in my life anymore. I finally moved on in 2014 with a wonderful man, and have had a healthy relationship ever since.

[@snoopygonewilder]

I find the topic of "the curse of knowledge" interesting. It reminds me when I worked for Best Buy, and I had co-workers who would get annoyed that a customer didn't understand something they were telling them about electronics, and I would say to them "just because you know it, doesn't mean they do." I once had to explain to a lady how to connect her wired headphones into a CD player, to me it cant get more common-sense than that, but she honestly had never done it, had never learned how to do it and really needed to me repeat it a few times so she'd remember when she got home... I wont be a hypocrite and say I wasn't annoyed at the time, but I understood that that was on me, not her. It would be the same as if a physicist started talking to me as if I knew anything about physics... what made him think I know anything about physics. They are obviously learned in the topic, I am not, its the same with any topic. I always found that you should start by asking questions that will let you know how knowledgeable the other person is. Its like we don't expect a four-year-old to read Hamlet out of the gate when they are learning their letters, it is our understanding of the world in general that all they know are a few letter, but even that can be an assumption of sorts. Sure most kids at four can't read a chapter book, or possibly even more than a handful of words, but that's not always the case, my nephew was reading books meant for middle-schoolers in like 4th/5th grade, and his teacher was telling him not so, which annoyed my sister, because he was actually reading it with understanding, he wasn't just blankly reading the words on the pages, he understood the meaning behind the words at that age and his teacher was trying to keep him back so it would make her comfortable in how she knew how to teach her kids--so everyone is different. We shouldn't make assumptions about anyone else and what they know because nothing good can come from that.

[@letsrock1729]

I agree. I've always thought that when people assume you know something just because they do, it shows a level of profound stupidity on their part.

[@Shelbichu]

This is what happened to my last relationship.. We kept fighting and it was overwhelming. So we said we will take a break until a set time.. When I went to check them out a few days before that time, I saw that they were already in another relationship. I felt so so betrayed. And then I realized "Oh god, I'm Rachel." I just felt so stupid lmao.

[@jodieg6318]

Honestly, Ross was always such a petulant man-child I could even stand him when I was 12 and frankly if the situation was reversed I think he would have been worse about Racheal sleeping with someone when THEY WERE ON A BREAK.

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

What’s even worse is the audience would probably support him more in that too and vilify Rachel.

[@jodieg6318]

@@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr ugh, you’re probably right. Casual misogyny aside, I think maybe what the show runners were trying to go with unrequited love as something many of us can relate to but it’s more like we are suppose to route for Ross because he just such a *nice guy*.

[@MSTiekims9952]

They both have their faults. I don’t see how the show was making Ross “the good guy” and being misogynistic.They made fun of him and that line throughout the entire series, and Rachel got back with Ross when SHE made the decision to. Also, they basically made Ross into the most comedic as the series progressed. The whole teeth whitening, spray tan, leather pants, moist maker, etc. episodes were some of the best. Could Ross be a jerk? Sure. Could Rachel? Yep. Neither one was “preferred” over the other by the writers.

[@tell-me-a-story-]

Huh, based on the cotent of this show, it's hardly suited for a twelve year old.

[@chaz7604]

I actually love the fact that in the reunion show, Jennifer Aniston confirmed from her perspective that they WERE on a break 😂

[@avelainehoneycutt446]

YES! It bothered me so much that Ross stormed out instead of talking through things first. Understandably, he was feeling a lot of emotions and maybe ran out so he would fight with Rachel, but if he didn’t want to break up talking through things help and through that they could’ve avoided the whole sticky mess. Yes, Rachel could’ve stopped him but Ross is stubborn and probably wouldn’t have listened to her anyways. It’s cliché but communication is key.

[@avelainehoneycutt446]

The thing I think was ridiculous that Rachel did is propose going on a break but later on denies they were on a break at all. To Rachel it meant time away but still together while Ross thought break up. Again miscommunication.

[@charmedpipper1]

Yeah, My partner and I took a break over December cause we were both learning about ourselves through our private therapys and literally all we needed was a month of less contact, nothing went wrong and as soon as new years eve came about we were back to our normal selves! COMMUNICATION IS KEY ❤️🥰

[@Halfaland96]

First off: Ross and Rachel are both the epitome of "they deserve each other" because both of them are extraordinarily toxic, which is where the source of a lot of their comedy comes from. 5:49 Rachel is weaponizing a moment of intimacy to twist the knife. I understand the concept of choosing your battles, but I respectfully disagree that Ross should have bitten his tongue here and said nothing. Again, Ross is toxic AF, but what Rachel is doing here is condescending and petty at best and gaslighting at worst. They clearly haven't worked through the initial miscommunication, and I think Ross saying nothing would have only caused resentment. It's entirely possible I'm remembering it incorrectly and there's other context. It's been a hot minute since I've sat down and watched Friends. Everything else in the video I absolutely agree with.

[@briannalee1998]

Good point, she did weaponize the intimate moment, even so, Ross still failed to take accountability for his actions. It was his possessive attitude that pushed Rachel away and lead her to asking for a break in the first place, and while she could have communicated what she meant better, that she meant they would be separated and take a breather, but still be committed, he also could have asked for clarification instead of jumping to conclusions. Also, he slept with that woman out of spite and pettiness, but the second he found out that Rachel did want him back, he went out of his way to hide it from her instead of being honest. If he truly thought he did nothing wrong by sleeping with that woman, then he wouldn’t have tried to hide it from her. Also the links he went to was a huge red flag. Yet, he never admitted that the way he tried to hide it from her was sleazy. Instead, he still thinks he did nothing wrong. When Rachel brought that up in bed (5:48) Ross could have been respectful when he said something instead, he snapped and the fact that he still kept saying “we were on a break” showed that he never realized that his actions were wrong. Both of them were toxic and bad at communicating.

[@twitty2000]

THIS THISTHISTHISTHISTHIS THIS

[@anitat8136]

tbh i don't see it this way. i agree rachel is also toxic, but feel ross is still in the wrong here. rachel had written a very very long letter communicating how she felt to ross. ross tried to read it, fell asleep, and pretended he had read it and got back together with rachel. in that intimate scene rachel was just saying how glad she was that ross understood what she felt (but he didn't because he didn't read the letter and then could not hold back his opinion.

[@anitat8136]

i do agree that Ross saying nothing would have only caused resentment. this is one of the first major relationship issue they had and ross holding his tongue would have never allowed them to resolve it.

[@MsVorpalBlade]

I always hated the Ross/Rachel dynamic, but the worst part of it was that they "got back together" in the last episode. She should have gone to France.

[@laurenmichel9686]

Nothing gets more therapist-y than when Jonathan says: "just because your partner said something and you think you're quite clear on what they're saying," *patiently whispers* "doesn't mean you are." 😂🙏🏻 For me, it matters less about what each person thought or intended before Ross slept with another woman; what's his defining moment is the lengths he goes to in order to ensure that she never finds out. To be fair, I also think Rachel's out of line when she writes that she wants him to take full responsibility for everything that went wrong in their relationship, that, to me, says that she's not open to any healing communication or wants to get back to a trusting place with her partner; she's been hurt by him a few times (that pro-con list, lest we forget) and just wants reassurance that he won't hurt her again - which isn't necessarily how that works. It's a VERY messy situation and honestly I feel as though, regardless of their feelings for each other, they're not good for each other and that they'd be best to move on, find other friend groups, find out who they are outside of their relationships and then explore partnerships that are actually good for them. Basically, my thoughts on "we were on a break" - doesn't matter. That's splitting hairs. That's "whataboutism." That's deflecting accountability, responsibility, maybe gaslighting? Depending on how you interpret the arguing when Rachel's still hurt and he's defending his actions, "how can you be upset? technically we weren't even together".... Point is: it's in the aftermath that Ross shows his true colors. If he'd been honest from the beginning and faced the pain he caused right then and there - AND Rachel taking accountability that she could have communicated better, AND that they really needed to address the underlying insecurities that was escalating the tension and distrust in the relationship -, there could have been a chance for them bc he would have shown that he valued being honest to her over his own selfish desires to get back together. The lengths he goes to make sure she'll never find out is honestly disgusting and horrifying to me. Imagine someone doing that in real life. Ross isn't a garbage person per se, and I love David Schwimmer, but that's an unforgivable move for me and a deal breaker. Considering a lot of the friction stemmed from Ross's fear about being cheated on again and he just became what he feared most in order to inflict the most pain possible on Rachel, that's compelling character writing! Lean into that! Seeing Rachel afraid of trusting and projecting onto another person needing to validate her trust issues, lean. into. THAT. Show how she needs to heal within herself. Don't turn it into Ross vs. Rachel, were they or were they not on a break - not 👏🏻the 👏🏻point👏🏻 It is great to see that clip of them maturing and resolving conflict calmly. It would've been nice to see their relationship handled more like that rather than perpetuating a joke that, in my opinion, was not the point of why their relationship fell apart. And don't romanticize Ross love-dumping right at the moment she's about to land the job of her dreams to confuse her and pressure her into staying. A big point of her arc was to strike out on her own and create a life that she was proud of. "'You're a shoe!' But what if I don't want to be a shoe?" She found her dream job, and Ross could have gone with her and they could have worked things out with his family and professorial obligations. Her giving up her dream to just end up with "her lobster" is a bummer to me. It still smells of Ross's selfishness to me. Lots of great moments in this show, don't get me wrong, but Ross and Rachel and the whole "we were on a break" thing is just a big missed opportunity for me. Sorry for the rant, I'm honestly so glad you talked about this & I loved the points you made for healthy communication. Thank you!

[@KxNOxUTA]

This is awesome. You covered many of the things I thought! :D

[@letrailhall-nance9189]

I honestly agree 100%. For me the "we were on a break" argument does not negate the fact that he tried to hide it from her and planned to never tell her in the future. If he really thought he was in the right to have relations with someone else...why attempt to hide it? They need Jonathan to help them work the issues that caused the need for a break (which in my opinion, Rachel outgrew him)

[@stella4152]

I was just about to go to the comment section to write EXACTLY this! Thank you for putting it so perfectly!👏👏👏👏

[@briannalee1998]

Perfectly said! I agree! Ross should have gone to Paris with her. The worst part wasn’t him sleeping with that woman, but the sleazy way he hid it and the kinks he went to in order to hide it. It was sketchy, and that was when he showed his true colors.

[@jodeedugger7570]

I am watching this as a single 31 year old woman. I like to learn and know about this kind of stuff so when I do date again I know how to be in a healthy relationship and handle things like this in a healthy way. Thanks Mended Light

[@hannahpatwell5435]

Ross as a romantic partner is so problematic, so toxic. I will always be a Rachel Joey shipper.

[@TheBlkKat]

Ross as a person is problematic to be fully honest, lol

[@katthunter6561]

Amen! Ross is actually super toxic, can't stand him. Joey was always so sweet and funny, Rachel would be better with Joey.

[@briannalee1998]

I’m a Rachel and Tag shipper. She would have been better off if she had gotten back together with him. I like the idea of her and Joey on paper, but to me the actors lacked believable romantic chemistry.

[@moonlitskylight5740]

Joey was an asshole. And such a massive irresponsible player that I'm betting he had kids and doesn't know it in universe. He wasn't good for her either.

[@corneliahanimann2173]

I remember watching the show when I was 9 and my mom made me watch, and I thought that too, mostly because as a shallow kid I thought Ross is ugly and Rachel and Joey were similar in personality... I didn't exactly have great intuition as a child, but at least someone agrees with me lol

[@Surfer669]

I felt a few things were skipped over that were pretty important to note: 1) Ross has insecurities and jealousy (evidence by his needing Rachel at every beck and call despite her being busy with work) 2) Ross gets terrible advice from his friends that (while hilarious for a sitcom) makes things worse 3) Ross's ex wife had cheated on him with another woman, he was none-the--wiser. He was very faithful to Carol until she cheated and his Reality shifted. His paradigm shifted. Ross's parents are happily married and have been together for a long time. He held that same belief and it was shattered. 4) Ross thought "take a break" is to just get some frozen yogurt. Now had he done just that, he might have a better relationship and not cheated.... BUT we don't know because while at the club, he called Rachel and heard "Mark" (Rachel's coworker, that likes Rachel and makes Ross jealous/irrational) on the phone,... which made him think Rachel cheated on him first Later on, to get back at Ross, Rachel goes on a date with Mark... which she can do (she's single) but there's a line that's crossed because she knew that would hurt Ross the most. She wasn't dating Mark because she liked Mark, she did it to get back at Ross and she knew it which is why she called off the date before having sex with him. Ross didn't have that forethought when he slept with "the girl that works at the copy place"

[@sierratill5429]

Something else I think a lot of people forget: Ross was near black out drunk. He told the girl no several times and she is not seen drinking at all, just trying to coax a drunk and miserable Ross into a dance who told her no several times. Until he was drunk enough he said OK and had to be held up while being led away. When he woke up he didn't seem to understand why he was home or who's clothes were around him UNTIL he saw copy girl and put it together. Whether Ross realizes it or not, he was raped. No one ackowledges he didn't want To be with the copy girl in the first place, which if Joey and chandler were paying more attention to ross rather than just arguing over who could sleep with the girl harassing their drunk friend. Sleeping together wasn't consensual in the first place, and Ross is a jerkwad, but this is also a fucked up situation where neither were in the wrong for him sleeping with someone while blacked out. The blame is squarely on the girl who pressured him into it, bit no one acknowledges it because she's attractive and the only 2 who COULD have protected Ross or backed him up are to busy being jealous and honey honey the woman who attacked to acknowledge ross didn't want what happened or defend him.

[@kateworkman921]

I'm gonna preface this first by saying I never watched Friends while it was on. That said, everything that you just said sounds absolutely exhausting. Aren't these people supposed to be in their thirties with careers and lives and jobs and bills and everything else that comes with being a grown-ass adult? Because everything that you just described sounds like high school drama. If people aren't past that when they get to their thirties, they need a reality check and to grow the hell up.

[@daverhoden445]

4.5 when he suggests frozen yogurt he responds with "No. A break from us." Her clarification there, changed what he understood "take a break" to mean. Had she said, "We need some time alone to cool off," that would have been something completely different.

[@MamaMOB]

To your last point. Yes Rachel went on a date with Mark to hurt her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her. It’s a bit different than assuming your girlfriend is cheating on you and cheating on her for sure. And yes he does know that Mark likes Rachel but he also knows that Rachel doesn’t like Mark. He knows their friends. He also knew they didn’t break up because when she confronted him about it he says “it could have lasted forever”. Not that they were broken up. He knew they weren’t broken up. He assumed she cheated so he cheated. He had been the problem from the beginning in their relationship. I understand he’s been cheated on but that doesn’t make it OK for him to be controlling and jealous the way that he was. Rachel is not Carol. And a brake is not a break up and he knew that.

[@chillyruse]

@@MamaMOB Exactly, and she was being cheated on before that too, so he can't claim all the consideration just for himself.

[@valerielinares2068]

This sort of hit home for me, especially when you got to 4:44 when you mentioned about how we are tempted to resist personal responsibility for our part in a relationship. To give a bit of context, I have this friend whom I've been friends with for 18 years now. For a very long time for the majority of our friendship, we were bosses when it came to dealing with conflict as a team. But then something happened in our friendship where he did something wrong, and then it didn't help when I reacted very negatively towards him. He had withheld an important life detail from me, which was very hurtful when he finally told me. And then I lashed out at him and probably said some accusatory things which he understandably didn't appreciate. It was a HUGE mess of poor communication, hurt feelings, anger, and just, a nasty mess of emotional carnage. For so long, I was so angry and hurt because of what he did. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to forgive him. But, then I had watched a video of a relationship expert who said something very meaningful that spoke to my specific situation; "If you're in an argument in your relationship, take ownership for your part in it, even if you're actually only responsible for 5% of it, own it" (of course, this applies to a healthy relationship, not an abusive one). But, I thought about it, and realized I had some responsibility in the issue. You see, in this situation with my friend, I was completely putting all the blame on him - and none of it on me. Yes, he withheld something from me that was very important, and I was hurt that he did that. However, as I looked back, I can understand why he did. I did not give him a safe space in our friendship for him to share such information. He knew that if he was up front with me with the information, I would blow up at him exactly the way I did - whether he told me from the get-go or later on. Maybe if I had given him a safe space in our friendship for him to share that information, he wouldn't have felt the need to hide it from me in the first place. Once I was able to recognize my part in our dispute, I felt awful. I _so_ wanted to give him a face-to-face apology for my part in our issue, especially considering how I placed all the blame on him. He very much deserved a face-to-face apology. However, because of our current circumstances, I did the next best thing - I sent him a video message to apologize. And I didn't do a back-peddle apology such as, "I'm sorry, but it's still your fault because..." No, I fully took responsibility for my part in the issue. I did it in a video format because I wanted him to see my face, the sincerity in my eyes and in my micro-expressions. After he saw the video, we talked for a while as he asked for clarifications for certain things, which I did provide. Thankfully, I no longer hold a grudge against my friend, and I think in the long run we will be okay. I'm really glad I made that video message for him, even if it was second-best to a face-to-face apology. I may even apologize to him face-to-face as soon as I have the opportunity. Anyway, I say all this to say, I think I only knew from common sense that clear, open and honest communication is essential in a relationship. Yes, it makes sense on paper. But, I think that until we're in certain situations in our relationships with friends, family, or romantic partners, we don't see how the lack of communication can really hurt a relationship. In light of my experience with this friend, it really made me see that if we are not careful, a lack of communication can seriously kill or injure a relationship. My friendship with this guy means SO much to me. The thought that it could have ended crushes my heart. I don't know who could be reading this, but if someone is important to you and you're in conflict with them, please, talk to them. If you need counseling to work though that, please seek counseling. Don't let a healthy, important relationship with someone you care about die because of lack of communication. Important relationships should be where pride and self-centeredness goes to die. At the time, it felt like my friendship with this guy of 18 years almost died because of my pride and selfishness. If that would have happened, I would have been crushed because my friendship with him means so much to me. Please, don't let that happen to you. If you have any healthy relationship with someone you care about that you feel is slipping through your fingers because of your pride, please, let go of your pride and go fix it. Or at least try. You might regret it if you don't at least try.

[@julietardos5044]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[@trevorspackman5279]

“There are times when you just let things slide, where the other person has a perspective that is not yours, and instead of trying to correct them, just let it be. It’s okay. This isn’t worth losing [the relationship] over.” Jonathan…this broke me a little (in a good way, I need the catharthis) I think that this was one of the key reasons why my wife and I cut my wife’s parents out of our lives. We were willing to do this, but they were not. They constantly brought up old disagreements and fights, and they constantly made assumptions about what we were trying to say. Combine that with our constant struggle to stand up for ourselves, and the relationship only bred disaster.

[@farrahlipsham5533]

I personally think 1) Ross was - in his beliefs -“single” at the time of sleeping with the other woman so it wasn’t ‘technically’ a betrayal - but still very bad all round. 2) Ross would have done better to take accountability for hurting Rachel - he could apologise for the pain caused without trying to justify why it had happened. 3) Rachel would have done well to have been accountable for her own miscommunication and admit she could have been clearer 4) Ross could have explained the agony he was in that lead him to do what he did to try to escape. Rachel the pain of having someone she loved turn so quickly and easily to another person pretty much immediately, probably making her feel like he never truly cared. - Reassurances and repair vs blame and avoidance. You learn a lot watching television train wrecks 😆

[@letrailhall-nance9189]

I hear you and I agree, BUT in the clip shown, Ross immediately leaves when Rachel states she needs a break from them. Leaving no room to communicate and clarify let alone maybe attempt to fight for his relationship *shrugs* That's one of my gripes: you can't communicate when half of the party just leaves

[@briannalee1998]

True!

[@MARYWTHER]

All in all, communication. Like it's hard at the beginning when you're hurt and angry, but after some weeks, it should have been worked out (not saying they should have been back together). The problem is that it wasn't because BOTH of them were immature and petty about this whole situation.

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

I mostly agree, but Ross left before any clarifications could take place. I agree it’s not cheating to him, but it obviously was to her. Even if we cut the cheating out. I’ll agree most people would consider that a break up. What Ross did was still poor taste and would piss off/hurt most people. Even during a break.

[@JohnZ117]

5) Rachel was (at least to a degree) guilty in neglecting their relationship in favor of her exciting new job.

[@floppsymoppsy5969]

I agree 100%. This was/is a huge problem with my ex-husband.The assumption that all was made clear in the conversation when it turns out it totally wasn't. With Rachel the term 'a break' means let's take a breather, a moment. For Ross it means I'm politely telling you we are over and done with.

[@sabaatalal7470]

I totally agree with you... I have always wondered.. if ross loved her as much as he say, would not it have been better if he just accepted her logic and apologized.. but your explanation made that clear ... Thank you for the beautiful video,🙏🙏🙏

[@msfh1991]

I think it's important to note that the reason there was a communication error over the we were on a break thing was because the minute rachel said "a break from us" ross left the apartment and slammed the door. He wasn't willing to listen and heard whatever he want to hear

[@tiffanymckenzie1236]

The fact the he says “on a break” so many times and never says “broken up” makes it clear to me he knows the difference between the two. Watching the show, I took going on a break as a temporary thing so they can figure out what they want. He immediately goes and sleeps with someone else after being suspicious, paranoid, and unfair about Rachel working with mark. He is insecure and didn’t deserve her

[@ellensamir374]

Even if they were on a break, when Ross slept with someone a few hours afterwards, would still give the impression that he didn’t care that much about their relationship.

[@MsAaannaaa]

Even if the personal definition of a break may vary & all that - it can still hurt & mess with your trust in another person when they just turn around and hook up with someone else & then try to hide it. Ross literally went through all the people who could know to make sure Rachel won't find out. He should've been open about it, especially when he's so convinced that he wasn't at fault here. And yes, Rachel would've helped herself & the situation if she clarified what she meant. Both could've helped here. But to me it's not about "rules" but about how quickly Ross turned to someone else & then tried to hide it & got all defensive and upset when Rachel was hurt & let him feel it.

[@melissamoore6539]

My husband and I do the repeating back what we think the other person said thing and OMG it has saved so many problems. I regularly think of all the fight that I would have had in previous relationships that we JUST DONT HAVE! I love it. so so.. sooooooo much.

[@hanananah]

These characters are supposed to be adults and I and my first ever boyfriend handled the "break" conversation better than Ross and Rachel. My ex at least had the wherewithal to ask for clarification. And his first question being "are we allowed to sleep with other people?" was the only clarification I needed. There's nothing about this long running "joke" on the show that is funny to me.

[@kyndralandess5139]

The repeating back in your own words, my mom has actually taught my siblings and I that from a young age and it helps so much

[@KateCat420]

I have a lot of views on the break up itself, but honestly something that always bothered me was how the break up became a running joke throughout the whole show, because it often came from a place of spite. Ross and Rachel were always waiting to make a jab at the other person, and while they got to a place where they were friends again, I think the lack of resolution is why they never properly moved on and continously got jealous of the others relationships. I really wasn't happy when they got back together in the last episode, because I think they never let each other go, and they probably took all the bitterness from before into their 'new' relationship.

[@MamaMOB]

I just got out of a 12 year relationship with a narcissist. Over the years we would break up when I would get sick of his shit and get back together when he was nice again. That’s the relationship they have. They share trauma bond. He uses her for what she does for him and she feels like she can’t get away. It’s almost like an addiction.

[@skylarandrei9203]

this cemented the idea of how important good communication is in a relationship, any relationship.

[@PhantomStella]

I think they both had issues with communication but it definitely says something about his character imo

[@akaskitty8541]

i learned this working in customer service. customers especially have an almost manic need to know that their problem or want is being taken care of and is your priority. that's why i tell them every step of the way what i am doing, my intent and reason for doing what im doing, AND the desired result of my actions. this sometimes has to be repeated back to them several times.

[@zoereynolds6211]

A break is not a break up. Two letters change a lot there 😉

[@celianunn2070]

For the longest time, one of the main problems in my relationship with my husband was miscommunication. For a few months now, I started repeating things back if I don’t think I understand right, and try speaking clearer (we both have small speech impediments so it takes effort) Since we started “double checking” and other small speech tricks, things have gotten a lot better. I see more of how he was when we first met.

[@Andrew.Grabowski]

“Oh and to me it seems quite clear that you were indeed on a break.” - Dr House give or take on the quote when he was on an airline with Rachel. 🤣

[@kate2create738]

Thank you for breaking this down in a HEALTHY direction. There’s too many people who play on teams that they forget that BOTH members have their flaws and the show is about watching them mature past their unsavory behaviors that eventually when the reunite the final time (hopefully) they have a more ground response to their issues. I commented on another video that over half of the issues this couple went through was the core issue of their miscommunication with each other. So it was appreciated to see for once a balance approach to how they both can fix their relationship together.

[@take67806]

the slowing down advice is really great. In my relationship it leads to sometimes really lengthy discussions which can be exhausting but in the end we gain so much understanding about each other and show us that we care about the relationship and each other. Amd that means sitting through uncomfy tooics and clarifying what everyone means. Many times I initially assumed that my partner had a horrible opinion when he in actuality just worded it horribly for me to understand xD And it happens the other way around, as well

[@rachellsn1791]

I just found this KZbin account! Can’t get enough of Jonathan’s take on things!!!!! He is hilarious and also gives sound advice! Thanks Jonathan!

[@DonnaBarrHerself]

When somebody tries to excuse some selfish mistake, I always say, “Where did you mean to put it? In her purse!?”

[@HeyItsFluffi]

I didn’t know he had another channel, binge watching here I come

[@LordTerigan]

To be on a break is like a trial separation in my mind. Ross's mistake was not sleeping with another person, it was how he handled everything from that point on.

[@annana6098]

"Professors are terrible with this!" Alright, you got me, I'm Liking this video right now. Also, just in my own experience, I have a very literal, dictionary based definition of words, I don't adapt it well to "common usage" or even worse "local usage" very well, let alone personal usage of individuals. I have to stop people and really ask "what does this word mean to you? I don't think we understand it the same way." Some of these exchanges get very tense. It was pretty bad at my work, after working there for years, I was still learning new jargon for the same locations and processes because the company rewrote their manual every few years, and all of the employees and management used the full range of jargon of the last four decades to give directions. I use the "repeat it back to them" often, and they just as often look at me like I'm stupid, because they think I am wasting their time, but it helps so much.

[@hpdanfan14]

Honestly, I see both sides. Ross was heartbroken, lost, and confused. He sought solace in drinking, and a beautiful woman offered to make him feel better. It’s easy to slip under those circumstances (esp. since Ross thought they were broken up and that he had “lost” Rachel). At the same time, I understand why Rachel would be hurt and feel as if he had deliberately picked up another woman the second he thought they weren’t together. It’s true that it all comes down to communication, because things can spiral out of control really quickly when strong emotions are involved. I know it’s a popular trend now to hate Ross, but I don’t think it’s fair to put 100% of the blame on him.

[@llel1416]

I agree with you but imo the fact that he did everything to prevent her from finding out means that he knew he was in the wrong and did not want to take accountability is what make him the "bad guy" in this situation. I can't imagine what Rachel felt like finding out from someone else that he slept with another woman while they were on a break and after they tried to salvage the relationship.

[@arjuscarlet55555]

Exactly!!!!!! I was looking for a comment like this. It's not all his fault. He also heard the guy who he was jealous of on the phone having dinner with her right after they had the falling out so it's understandable why he did what he did. I think the show could have done a better job justify his mistake but they just wanted to make endless jokes.

[@Shikatsuyatsuke]

@@llel1416 If he knew he was in the wrong, he wouldn't have held onto the claim that they were on a break throughout the entire series. Ross tried to prevent Rachel from finding out primarily because he knew how bad it would look to Rachel (specifically Rachel who was known for blowing things out of proportion) and what it would cause Rachel to think, especially with how unexpectedly fast she was ready to work out a resolution. And he was very correct about how she viewed it once she did find out. He knew she was going to take it personally and as a sign that he couldn't care less about their relationship when he obviously did care but had just made a dumb mistake in his moment of pain. Ross and Rachel are also both pretty petty characters, and they both know each other to be pretty petty individuals. So I believe it's fair to assume Ross was very surprised with how fast Rachel was ready to resolve the issue and finish being "on a break" so quickly as well. When Ross left that initial conversation that initiated the break, he took it to mean that him and Rachel were over and was also in a very emotionally vulnerable place. He gave into the other women not out of spite towards Rachel but out of his own pain and weakness in the heat of the moment since he actually thought him and the girl he'd loved for years were done. Yeah it was rash but that's what he thought and felt. Ross holding onto that claim that they were on a break honestly makes a lot of sense to me. He obviously regretted his mistake, but being as petty as he is, he couldn't stand his mistake being mischaracterized as him being a jerk or him not caring about his relationship with Rachel which is more or less how all of the cast proceeded to characterize it going forward instead of what it actual was which was him just doing something stupid in a vulnerable moment of pain and weakness. No those 2 characterization aren't too far off from each other, but they are clearly different which was important to Ross in the show.

[@llel1416]

@@Shikatsuyatsuke I'm honestly not sure whether Ross insists on this "we were on a break narrative" because it's a running joke, a character traits or a plot device to justify why they're not together so I won't speak on that. I'm not sure Rachel is known for blowing things out of proportion but even if she was, using this as an excuse not to tell her what he did is not okay with me. She's allowed to be hurt and loud about it. I understand why Ross slept with someone else and listened to the bad advice of his friends (though imo he wouldn't have listened if he didn't wanted so it's still is decision) but it still not okay with me.

[@sweeney60]

I told a guy that we needed to “pause.” I meant that I wanted us to get to know each other better before going further. Two weeks later he was dating one of my best friends. They got married 6 months later. I learned my lesson.

[@thecourageousorange]

When I was on a break with my bf I did ask him what that meant. how long he thought he needed etc. I did ask specifically about other people. that I didn't want us to sleep with other people when we were on that break. and I think that made it work for us. that we both knew what the break meant and the "rules".

[@moonluver26]

Been trying to bring this topic up with the people in my life more and more. Communication is key and it takes effort.

[@FineappleRyan]

Just found this channel after watching Cinema Therapy for a few months and SO glad I did. Great work!

[@SyllaAria]

Thank you for bringing such fun to therapy content! I really appreciate your kind approach, and your passion for media!

[@JC11118]

I agree it was miscommunication! To be, "we need a break," usually ends up with a break up! I know friends who have done EXACTLY that, without fail! I do believe the WAY to talk to others is like speaking another language. I think, if Rachel had said, "I just need some space. Give me some time." Ross would've acted differently.

[@jennag3226]

Meh. My bf and I have "taken breaks" and we're still together now

[@cpcoultertweedles7216]

These tips are useful for all relationships, not just romantic ones. I'm aroace, but I still have communication issues with my family at times (a lot of times, actually. I'm neurodivergent and most of my family isn't, and it means we have very different perspectives on things.)

[@sjbenson5618]

Hi Jonathan can you review the episode where Ross and Rachel are fighting and that's why Rachel said maybe we should take a break because Ross didn't trust Rachel and thought she cheated on him then he went all crazy in the relationship.

[@magnarcreed3801]

I say she asks for another break. Sleeps with someone just as fast as he did and see if he’s cool with it.

[@TheHermitTeller]

I think break up or not, and despite Ross' feelings of disconnect from Rachel which he expresses during their argument - at the bare minimum it was very silly of Ross to sleep with another woman the same night of the argument. But I guess we do silly things when our emotions are this heightened. He did mistake that Rachel was moving on just as quickly when he overheard Mark on the phone at her apartment, so I think that really influenced his decision to sleep with someone else, though it doesn't justify his choices because he ended up hurting both Rachel and himself even more. They were both hurting after the argument but I think Ross went about facilitating his emotions in a way that wasn't healthy. Rachel confided in a friend and Ross slept with a stranger the same night :/

[@gloriebluestein9721]

exactly context is also important with others who keep knocking Ross without mentioning mark

[@briannalee1998]

He slept with that woman out of spite which was wrong, but for me, that wasn’t the worst thing he did. The worst thing Ross did was the way he tried to hide it from her and then throughout the whole show, he never took responsibility for his actions.

[@TheHermitTeller]

@@briannalee1998 exactly this!

[@Olivia-xf4gy]

SLOW DOWN. That is SUCH good advice :') communicate and ask clarifying questions and verbalize your understanding and leave to for adjusting it. I wish I heard this like... 7 years ago :') would have saved a lot of heartache. But praise God He let's us Lear even through the heartache

[@jewelstele]

I always get my boyfriend to repeat back my explanation, understanding or w.e it is, if its important for us as a couple. I try to make sure he uses his own words so we know we re on the same page. It's mind blowing how many different ways sentences and words can be interpreted. We ve caught a lot of misunderstanding right off the batt by doing this. If he repeats what he thinks I meant back to me and it's different from what I actually meant I always make sure to explain it in different ways until we re linked onto the same idea. I also always ask questions and clarify when it's an important topic.

[@MegaKhelditia]

And this is a main reason why I've learned to ask the stock phrase, "Could you rephrase that? (I think I misunderstood.)"

[@maylynbayani]

I dont get "being on a break". It's either we are together or we are not. I agree with you wtih fighting. My marriage's motto is: it is better to have peace than to be right.

[@o0BlackSand0o]

Ross screwed up the moment he hung up on Rachel only a few hours after the break comment instead of talking to her. He was so jealous and controlling. But something I realised in the last few years that there's nothing bad about being wrong. You might not get someone else's side of it but you don't need to. There's nothing shameful about apologising and people shouldn't shame you for it.

[@RinAkurei]

"Keep shining cause we need your light".

[@coocoobananasz]

What gets me is they never really acknowledge the reason for the break afterwards - Ross's jealousy and controlling behavior... Like - hmmm - it's like that really wasn't the deal breaker for Rachel even though it's what caused her to ask for the break in the first place - very annoying for the writers for focus on this grey area in order to avoid anyone really being in the wrong

[@o.c.kiddkidd5163]

I just discovered your channel after watching your cinema therapy collaboration. I'm very happy for this. Thank you for your insights.

[@samiam2088]

I’m a woman and I’ve definitely dealt with break ups by turning around and sleeping with someone else immediately - It’s a coping mechanism, not a reflection of how much he actually cares for her and it’s handled so moralistically. Honestly, if she genuinely feels cheated on and that Ross does not value her, I don’t get why she keeps taking him back but *refusing* to move on from this. They both need SO HARD to be right they just don’t friggin move on

[@SevHighwind86]

This! Thank you for saying that!

[@mittenista]

I think she keeps going back to him because she doesn't feel she deserves better. Her father was shown to be strict and controlling, so she keeps coming back to the manipulative, controlling Ross. Honestly, the ending is tragic to me.

[@aarondonald1611]

This is the only sane comment in this whole section lol

[@jaketaylor2775]

The curse of knowledge is such a funny phenomenon to witness, because once someone is an expert in something, the level of knowledge they assume other people have about that topic is always wrong, but it's wrong in 2 possible ways: 1. Assuming people know more than they do 2. Assuming people know less than they do

[@despoinaki3s15]

I really don’t see where this debate is coming from. They would be on a break (not that this is an excuse to sleep with someone two hours after an unsolved fight) *IF THEY DIDN’T HAVE THIS PHONE CALL.* After the fight and before Ross having sex with Xerox girl, they spoke on the phone and both of them was like “why are we doing this, we are so stupid”. Rachel even called him “honey” which made clear that they were not separated. A moment after, Ross overhears Mark and he once again loses his mind, and for once again he is responsible for the lack of communication, as when he closed the door behind him, he hangs on her. He doesn’t trust Rachel at all, he just sees her as an extension of himself. Why everyone keep forgetting that phone call

[@Neko-bc6ux]

My partner and I grew up in different ways (money, location, family-dynamic, siblings/no-siblings) and one of the things we had to start doing very early on, to avoid misunderstandings, was just saying "What you just said, sounds like this to me:..." Best thing we learned, as well as just giving the other a few minutes to calm down so a disagreement doesn't turn into a fight, but a calm discussion.

[@j.ronnygibson]

Rachael herself said they were on a break eventually. Now was Ross ok for sleeping with another woman like that? No. He was drunk, but no. I think open and clear communication is needed

[@allmarinho2003]

Best way to talk about a topic so dense like psychology ❤

[@frappalina]

No Ross was not unfaithful. Ross slept with someone else merely few hours after the break/break up. That would be enough for me to know that he didn't care enough about me nor about the other woman. I could never be with someone who takes sex so lightly. We would just be incredibly incompatible.

[@brezzainvernale]

Thank you for these analysis, I learn a lot. I often react really emotional when there is a misunderstanding, instead of breathing before and thinking: "How can I explain this" I just begin to speak... with the results that my partner doesn't understand anything... so he gets angry and talks back. Result: We did not resolve the problem and we lost precious time together...

[@MrErik052005]

Ross is a man child. When he doesn’t get his way, he throws a tantrum or guilts someone. Best example is he made Rachel feel guilty of living her dream job working in Paris bc he didn’t want it. He never deserved Rachel. In general IF you think their is any chance of a relationship working after a “break” or “break up”, maybe wait longer than 24hrs to sleep with someone else. Couples fight. Doesn’t mean they won’t work it out. If you want to guarantee it’s over, sleep with someone else. Ross was in the wrong. He couldn’t comprehend couples fight. It’s not over until one of you has moved on. He officially ended their relationship the moment he slept with someone else.

[@lunasantos8446]

Thanks, Jonathan, for your analysis about "On a Break" cause the most important is not to find the problem instead solutions, and your video shows me that; About Ross was or not unfaithful, yes he wasn´t, cause Rachel in two episodes said 6 times they were on a break, one of them was with Monica which said the quote:" We kinda broke up", or with his call machine: " can I be your girlfriend again?" but something is completely understandable, she was hurt and maybe because she had the intention to get back with him, that´s why she felt that he needed to take all responsibilities for the break-up; And Ross well he felt that he did something wrong and wanted to fix it, but on the other hand, even he felt that way didn´t mean that he gave up his integrity which was too proud of him, cause he didn´t want to be called as a cheater. Conclusion: the problem was the miscomunication.

[@terriblegamerstory531]

I would have taken that as "we broke up" too. I may have been super depressed as well and very venerable too that I may have ended up in that situation too. I don't love Ross in that show but I am actually on his side for this.

[@mlebrooks]

Great video. Curse of knowledge explains so much thank you.