How Do I Know if I Have Emotional Trauma

How Do I Know if I Have Emotional Trauma #AskATherapist //
Have you ever wondered if you have emotional trauma? How do you know if you've been traumatized? Watch this video to learn the difference between physical and emotional trauma and resources that can help.
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[@lisam5744]

I like the comment 'this is not the Olympics of suffering'. Not comparing trauma, not saying one person's trauma is worse and more valid, etc., is so important. Your trauma is your trauma and how it affects your life is valid, period.

[@lilinectar29]

True. Send love ❤️

[@duffgirl216]

This is so important to hear!! 😭

[@zaraa5104]

Ahhh... Thank you for leaving this comment.😭 I can't count the number of times I was told "this is not as bitter as what I went through" followed by the belief that I was too sensitive to think something had hurt me deeply. Although I'm currently talking to a therapist for months now, it's a tough journey for me to finally realize my trauma is VALID. And it's not less painful than anyone's. EVERYONE'S trauma is VALID.

[@Laecy]

“There’s always someone being slaughtered by a bigger stack of splinters somewhere.” -Brown Bird

[@Aurena027]

Thank you for this comment, cause I got so mad when my best friend was comparing what I've been through with some strangers life, how they had it worse but managed and I don't. I got so frustrated and mad, I couldn't continue being friends with that person anymore, it just wasn't the same between us, even tho I tried to hang out with her..

[@madmad3985]

I've been told that my experiences were nothing and that I needed to get over them by the people that were inflicting the trauma. I've stopped standing up for myself in situations out of the fear of people ridiculing and saying "get over it it's not that big of a deal." I've internalized it so much to the point where before I started writing this comment I almost stopped myself because I've been conditioned to think that my feelings and pain was just me overreacting and me being sensitive. I still struggle to call it trauma because it feels like it was just a joke I took the wrong way. I cannot count how many times I've heard "you're overreacting" "well it could be worse" or "that wasn't what you were experiencing you just took it the wrong way." I've even been laughed at for opening up about my past experiences and I think I have trauma from that because my feelings have been invalidated over and over, I now just subconsciously invalidate them on my own to avoid the pain of being told that I wasn't actually hurt. God, I really need better friends.

[@oceanflute6245]

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to post something. I'm so sorry your friends are being such jerks about whatever trauma you went through. As Jonathan said in the video there are groups out there for support. I would seek out one of those groups to see if they could be a support system for you.

[@sylokthedefiled]

yo fr. i’ve had the same thing happen. but know that your feelings are valid, and don’t let people gaslight you into feeling or thinking something different, because they clearly hurt you. also i agree, you do need better friends (respectfully)

[@briellewools]

My step father, step brothers and older sister did this to me as well and it’s also made me internalize things to such a degree that i start to believe I’m actually the problem. These people are wrong though and are showing their own emotional immaturity. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling things strongly, or for wanting to defend yourself; those are proof of love, both for yourself and others

[@shadowthewarlord705]

It’s good your reaching out. I remember how hard this stage is, but it’s important and hopefully it will help you with sharing with people in real life who are actively interested in helping you. I didn’t think I’d even been traumatized till I left home for college and found that I was suffering from cptsd symptoms, mentions of parenting would lead me back into how I was treated, touching me caused me to instinctively go to attack whoever touched me, I struggled to sleep, and found myself constantly stuck reliving past trauma and having to go through all the emotions and pain again. All I can say is don’t give up hope, you can stand up for yourself and you can recover from it, but you better want it. One of my biggest problems in recovering was my own self loathing, I saw myself as little more then a monster or a weapon because I got told that the only thing I was good for was hurting people and it had seemingly been proven true. I wanted to join the military have someone tell me who the bad guys were and kill them until I took a bullet to the brain so that I didn’t kill someone I cared about by accident. Didn’t end up going into the military due to Covid instead ended up in college with a good housemate and good school mates who have helped me (mostly) to overcome a lot of it. Point is, you are worth more then you could imagine, don’t give up hope, and don’t think that you have to do it alone.

[@martharodas3784]

the quote "this is not the olympics of suffering" was shocking, sometimes I dont take my anger or sadness too serious because i feel like I dont have it worst than others or am not in a place to feel the way I actually feel. Thank you for that.

[@etherealtb6021]

Same! Such a liberating comment.

[@anica7438]

same except my parents tell me that "im not as worse as others" as way of "comfort" i love them but they can be invalidating sometimes

[@ArtistLynneSleiman]

"This isn't the Olympics of suffering." Yeeees, thankyou! I struggled with the loss of home (because of a big move) and not being as close to my family and friends, lossing a community, the loss of healthy coping strategies that I had (enjoying nature) the landscape looking totally different.. the stress of not knowing where any stores were. Just, whole world turned upside down. People who have had a big and different and scary move can understand this. But so many people around me just couldn't get it. They hadn't experienced a big move and that many losses so the response was very much unhelpful and quite hurtful more often because they wanted me to just get over the loss. A decade later, I am doing much better, but it very much felt like a death. As I have read about losses from death, this loss of home has felt very much the same. And possibly if the people around me were a tad more empathetic, well, maybe I wouldn't have gone into complicated grief for a while if I had more support from them. Anyway, my loss was compared to "not as bad" as a death (for instance) but that didn't help me "get over it" sooner. I am finding my way though. Thanks for your videos! 😁

[@zaraa5104]

I didn't have the same experiences as you but based on my own traumas I totally understand you. It's tough, it really is. 💔 I'm so glad you're finding your healing tho. We should all find it, even if nobody helps us out. 🥰

[@sleepyninjarin7971]

I lost my home recently because I was cheated on and it really isn't fun

[@ArtistLynneSleiman]

@@sleepyninjarin7971 ❤

[@zaraa5104]

@@sleepyninjarin7971 that must've been super difficult...💔 I'm so sorry, my heart is with you.

[@hollyhammie198]

About a year and a half ago, I had a traumatic move. It came five years after another traumatic move. Back in 2015, I was divorced from an abusive man. I moved back in with my parents on their property. The property that has been in my family for over forty years. In the divorce, I lost the house we owned together. Then five years after the divorce, my parents sold the property that had been a sanctuary for so many of our family, and they moved to Idaho. (From northern Cali) They wanted me to love with them, so I did. It was the most depressed I’d been in a long time. No friends, no familiar bike trails, too cold to go ride anyway, my church family gone, no job. It was horrible! I only lasted three months there. Then I got rid of almost everything I owned, packed what I could in my car, and drove the 15 hours back to California. But it was the same for me. People just didn’t understand why I was so depressed. Why I couldn’t get over it and find new friends, a new church and new bike trails. That only added to my feelings of isolation. I’m glad you are happy now, cuz I know how that feels and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

[@wolfboy20]

That part where you described yourself taking half a year to get over a break up is soo damn relatable!!! Like i got rejected among other things(my fault) and it fucking hurts! Being reminded of that is hard to deal with and being triggered by memories can be traumatic as fuck...

[@heather9130]

I've been seeing a therapist just as a sort of preventative "everyone should have counseling" mindset. I even felt awkward at first that I'm happy and don't have much to discuss. But I'm so glad I started going cause she found emotional trauma in the death of my mom, and so many things I do in relationships stem from that feeling of abandonment. It's exactly like you said, my world felt safe and then I found out it wasn't. Working through that has really opened the door for healthier ways of dealing with the triggers when I start to feel unsafe.

[@RestlessHarp]

Thank you for sharing this. I've been considering therapy for some time, but I've been having difficulty getting past the roadblock of thinking my problems aren't big enough to be worth taking up someone's time. I always appreciate hearing about other people looking out for themselves in this way, and showing that it's okay for us to take care of ourselves.

[@Squeekysquid]

It also helps because you are able to make a distinction between thoughts of feeling unsafe, and actually knowing when you're unsafe.

[@DeMafiaGirl]

Trauma can be as small as a baby being left to cry for hours and no one coming to comfort it. All of our problems and demons stem from unavoidable micro-traumas that just happens to everyone. Even "perfect parents" will unintentionally traumatise their children. The degree and impact it has on your adult life will be different but it still leaves a mark. Not to say that now we are all doomed, quite the opposite. As soon as we accept each and every one of us has trauma the easier it will become to heal

[@sylokthedefiled]

that’s what worries me about being a parent if/when i become one. i don’t wanna traumatise my potential kids even if i’m a “perfect parent”

[@kory_misun]

People tell me that I shouldn't be traumatized or triggered by the death of my favorite manager at work, because we're not blood related and I'm taking his passing harder than I took my grandmother's (which happened two weeks after my manager's). My grandmother had a loving family and got to live an entire life. My manager was only 26, and his life ahead, all his potential was stolen from him. When I think about the beautiful weather he'll miss out on, the vacations he'll never get to take, how his first video game will never be made, I cry and cry and cry. I still work at the same place, and can't help but compare my current managers' performance/lack of compassion to how he always uplifted and listened to everyone around him.

[@butterflly13crochetcrafts45]

I have been a emotional and financial abusive marriage for 24 yrs and it recently turn physical. I have endured as long as I could because children are involved including disabled children. At this my biggest trigger is my autistic son. It has come out he has been told from a young age I abused him as a baby and this caused him to have autism. This is crushing to me and even though he is now an adult he is being brought up parenting plan for the younger children. He has so much anger towards me and it has cut me so deep I struggling to avoid triggers and work through these triggers. I has and does as well as other things affected my work and daily life.

[@VermisTerrae]

For me, I think the first real step to healing was allowing myself to feel angry, betrayed, even furious that I was treated so poorly. Not everyone handles trauma the same way of course, but in my case I diminished my own value so much that I only felt afraid and helpless. The moment I felt genuine anger towards my abusers for how I was treated was the moment I began to truly value myself. Also, get care specifically from a trauma-informed therapist! I never thought I could face my triggers, but I've really surprised myself with my own resilience and bravery :) You can take your power back. You can thrive. And you deserve to!

[@leahtheanimationfan40]

After I moved out and wasn't trapped in my toxic family situation anymore, I thought I had let it go. I thought I had gotten over it. It took me until this year (3 years after I moved out) to realize that the emotional trauma is still affecting me. Thankfully I have a pretty solid support system, and I started meeting with a therapist a few months ago to help me work through things. My boyfriend, his parents, and my dad and stepmom have been the biggest supporters in helping me learn to be strong and stand up for myself.

[@Kayjee17]

I was a child of a parent in the military, and that involves a lot of moving around. Growing up I was either losing friends because their family was moving on to a different place or my family was moving on to a different place, and those moves meant I was losing my school community, my church community, and my local community. I learned that the only people I could count on was my nuclear family, and I learned to identify people I "clicked" with and I became friends quickly but without any expectation those friendships would last. I cared about extended family but rarely saw them. And my mom was the one person in all the world that I knew understood me completely and would always love me. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, and from addiction to pain pills for at least a decade - made worse by the fact that I have to take them due to a medical condition . But I was coping with things until my mom died in 2015. It broke me. Every time I feel like I'm getting better, a tidal wave of grief hits me and I drop into a pit of depression and then take pills so I can get a little relief from the emotional pain, even for a little while. Is it possible that my earlier, less intense emotional trauma set me into a habit that has led to this more intense one? And how can I help myself get better?

[@helenwinter3320]

hey first of all im really sorry for your loss, I've struggled with grief a lot too in the last years although it was probably not as intense as yours I know it is extremely hard to process, not to mention "move on" from cuz that's sometimes not possible. I dont really have any answers I just know that grief is exhausting, but you just have to go on cuz you dont really have another choice (but also there can be beautiful things ahead you never expect yk). you have to somehow manage to cherish what you had and now deal without it. idk, what brought me a lot of closure and helped me deal was writing down my feelings in diary entries or songs and talking with my family about it. yoh are not alone in your suffering. yk just get these emotions out of your system when they come, let them wash over you and wash away, trying to bottle up a tidal wave never lasts long.. also ig that it probably is worsened if there is one person that you relied on so heavily, because now you need to find a new support system :(( ik it seems hard but it's possible. ik that especially with depression it's difficult, and idk ur life, but if you dont have one maybe find a hobbie that you can go to once a week, it'll help with structure social contacts and getting you out the house. also I would reccomend getting a cat from a shelter, having someone in your house with you that you need to take care of and that also gives you comfort is a great motivator to not give up on yourself when you feel low. you can also get a dog if you're more of a dog person but giving an animal a safe shelter if you are able to do so is always a really amazing thing to do. and ik I'm just a stranger but I really emphasize with your story, i lost several extended family members in the last years and I have had experiences with depression and (addiction kinda in a way) as well so i really understand that this is a shitty situation to be in to put it lightly. but never never ever forget that life is still worth living, even if just for the sake to keep ur mother's memory alive. when you loose someone important sometimes you have to find your meaning all over again. but healing isn't linear and it's okay to have setbacks or to do worse than you thought, because as long as you are here you are doing well and I'm proud of you. you got this. and you are not alone. I wish you all the best and I'm sending you lots of love and support

[@Kayjee17]

@@helenwinter3320 Thanks for your kind words. I've found recently that telling my little boy the "family stories" about his Grams (my mom) and teaching him the little songs she used to sing to me as a child have helped. It's like those little pieces of her are living on in me, and I'm passing them on to him - and maybe that's a way for her love and caring to remain in the world even though her body is gone.

[@geeky_sasha6813]

Thank you for talking about grief as a trauma. I lost my mom suddenly last fall and while I am getting support and dealing with it relatively well, I have found that I avoid thinking of if the loss sometimes because I hate how overcome with sadness I get when I do. Strange things also trigger me, when I saw one of those Godiva chocolate bunnies in the store the other day, I was reminded so vividly of how my mom used to send me those at Easter.

[@lovely_poekie]

I just realized that many more things I struggle with actually come from emotional trauma, so thank you for this video. I usually write every day, and when I notice that I'm avoiding something I immediately grab my journal. It is tough, I wasn't a writer at all in the past, but I'mallowing myself to be me, I don't judge myself and observe what is happening, trying to figure out why I'm struggling and what it is that I actually want and why I want that. I write that all down and work through it, and then can make a conscious decision about the thing I'm avoiding.

[@MsAaannaaa]

After around 7 years of therapy, I still sometimes struggle but I've gotten so much better at handling triggered situations. I am better at stepping back from situations and I talk about it much more with my friends or family. I feel secure enough with myself that I know I'll be able to handle almost anything if I have to. But I also very much prefer not having to handle it. So a certain level of "avoiding triggers" is normal and helpful, I guess? It's sometimes just hard for me to figure out when it's indeed too much. Because I also don't want to become the person who walks out on people yelling "this is not serving me" over a disagreement on peanut butter.

[@EvilSinx]

When I was a kid, my dad used to get angry about just everything. Once he shouted at me for making too much noise with the spoon while making myself a hot chocolate. He didn't raise his hands against my sister and me often, but he shouted and made us cry every single day. So I guess that's my trauma. Now I'm 33 years old, happily married, mother of three beautiful daughters and I'm still always on edge, worried someone might get angry with me for the most stupid reasons. That's a real strain for my marriage actually. A few years ago, I broke off all ties with my parents and now I'm finally getting better bit by bit. I also broke ties with my mom because I feel that she should and could have protected my sister and me, but since she always claimed "He's your daddy! He loves you! And I love him!" instead of telling him off, she obviously just chose not to do so.

[@Paradise-on-Earth]

It is SO helpful to realize- and bring to the table, that "burdening the hell out of your loved ones" IS a thing we all need to learn. To ask for help, and graciously allow it. Everybody wants to give, but taking in a good way is the divine other half part of the story. THANK YOU! This was again such a good one.

[@MsAaannaaa]

for me the main triggers in everyday life are normal/expectable/ social/interpersonal situations that in some way mimic what happened way back and bring up the same feeling of helplessness, anxiety or need for defense. that makes it so incredibly hard to come by sometimes, because it can happen at work or with friends or lovers. it sucks.

[@tfkrockhard]

I'm struggling with a church hurt that I had for three years. I've told myself that I didn't need church and that I hate religion, but I love Jesus. I think I've found a church family that can help me with my struggle. God has been softening my heart and telling me that when I say that I don't need church (the people in it), I am prideful. I felt unheard and unseen when I needed help.

[@libbycatherine]

Just want to say I relate to this... hope you've found a church that breathes out community-care and can help you heal.

[@carolynv8979]

Church trauma is some of the WORST. Something about being rejected by a supposedly redemption-centric group just cuts deeper.

[@NightDreamer37]

@@carolynv8979 Its honestly traumatizing. There's nothing more terrifying than feeling like your eternal well-being is at stake. I went through religious trauma as a child for years and it really affected me growing up. I can now say I have a great relationship with Jesus, but it was tough at the time

[@Chinchillin]

Can you do a video on avoiding burnout as a caregiver. Caregiver meaning the parent, sibling or friend who love and support those struggling with mental illness/trauma? The people who pick up the phone at 1 in the morning to comfort a desperate sibling for weeks or months on end or are figuratively trying to hold a loved ones' head above water while trying not to drown ourselves. I apologize if I am being dramatic, but I just feel like sometimes the caregivers get a little forgotten and I would love some advice. Thank you for your content and have a wonderful day.

[@letsrock1729]

You're not being at all dramatic. Caregivers are so often forgotten. I've been caring for 2 different family members for the last 7 years (one has substance abuse/mental health issues and the other has a brain injury as a result of an accident). I've got nothing left in the tank. I reached out to a 'relative by marriage' who told other family members that I am probably a narcissist...just because I was trying to tell them how desperately I need support too, so that I can continue to support others (which apparently means I was making it all about me).

[@marissawhite8140]

This is incredibly validating. Thank you.

[@fcontini]

I was mugged at gunpoint just 5 minutes from home maybe 8 years ago. I lived in a good neighbourhood, but I felt like I was okay, that it didn't really impact me that much. But still, looking back it is easy to see how it affected me: I bought a vehicle and never trusted public transportation anymore, if I have to walk, I'm afraid of stranger interaction constantly and avoid that like the plague. I've now moved to a safer country even leaving family behind and I still have a psychological barrier against strangers. By the way, getting a job full time remote also doesn't help me to socialize with new people as I should 😆 My company does its best to include newcomers with lots of social events, but most times I have this mental barrier like I shouldn't go. I want to, but shouldn't. In the end, I usually don't. Eventually I'll stop with the excuses and just go, even if takes a while 😆

[@evs7534]

Thank you so much for making this video! I have CPTSD from childhood abuse and I constantly minimize my trauma. I was wondering if you had any tips on not minimizing trauma or feeling that what happened is valid and real? Thank you again for this video, your channel is really a wonderful resource!

[@nothingnowhere2358]

An invaluable resource I've found is the book CPTSD: From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker. It's honestly helped me so much even by simply validating my experience! And I'm certainly not the only one who feels that way. If you haven't read the book, I'd highly recommend you to do so!! I'm currently a hundred pages in or so but I'm really taking it slow and just absorbing everything written in it so I internalise the masterpiece Pete's written

[@C-SD]

Doesn't work as much for some of us, ymmv, but therapists have told me imagine someone else came to you and told you those things, would you minimize things in the same way? The answer is almost always no, but that kind of self compassion is hard. I minimize things sometimes because I just don't want it to be real. Saying it, giving it proper weight, makes it very real. Other times I do it because I feel I need to "stow it" to function. (Not the healthiest thing)

[@byuftbl]

To cope with my emotional traumas of which I have a few I usually find music with lyrics that can relate to them and sing to them. I’ve found it’s effective therapy for me. There was the passing away of my fiancé 14 years ago which yes does occasionally still affect me, my grandpa passing away from covid a bit over a year ago, and a confusing sexual assault. Confusing because I didn’t realize until days later it was something I didn’t want and could be considered SA even though it was “just” being touched and grabbed and i hadn’t said no but never felt comfortable about it to the point I couldn’t sleep on my bed for a few days and would just cover my chest with my arms because seeing my chest reminded me of what he did. He was popping up in my friends live-streams and KZbin comments and seeing him even just as a name and words online was triggering and I’d have to leave. Sometimes I can stay now if I see him, other days I can’t stomach it. It’s a lot better now but music that related to it really helped get out a lot of my anger.

[@reneparfait_]

In the midst of 2020 right before and in the beginning of the covid outbreak and shut downs in February/March, I was caught in an uncomfortable situation with friends where I felt lied to and pushed aside by one friend, while the other friend was just as caught in the situation as I was. Because of the pandemic and the nature of how it was then with no one knowing how the heck to keep safe- I was able to talk and make amends with one friend (the instigator who I had known for several years longer) more than the other. Fast forward two years though and with life looking less crazy, I realize that I was avoiding thinking about that time and pretending I was fine even though I knew I was avoiding friend I spoke less to. I found cinema therapy and mended light channel about a month ago, and I realized that betrayal trauma was a thing and I might be going through said thing. As a person who has had trauma from being a bystander in seeing physical and emotional abuse, I myself was constantly denying my emotions and belittling what I was feeling. Even though I had been in therapy for other reasons for the past few months, I hadn't really brought up that topic of possible betrayal trauma until recently in my session. Thank you, Jonathan and team for making me more self-aware on how I can bring healing to myself in this situation. Hoping for the best. *fingers crossed* the road to healing is never easy but now I have a bit of direction on where to go!

[@briannatate4611]

I’ve been dealing with emotional trauma for over a year now. I had two miscarriages last year. One was a singleton pregnancy, and one was one of the twins I was carrying. Thank God my other twin was born beautiful and perfectly healthy, but the loss of his sister has truly broken me. My depression and anxiety have been so bad, I’m terrified something is going to happen to him, and I’m so angry and sad all the time. I have major mood swings, and I am trying so hard to keep that pain from my older children (6 and 3) because they don’t understand. And now a major trigger happened and one of my close friends just found out she’s pregnant with twins. And while I’m happy for her and will help her any way I can, I keep asking myself why my daughter died. To say that im struggling would be an understatement. Most days I feel like im barely surviving.

[@donnathompson3076]

Please get some help! Don't carry this burden alone! Your children need all their Mom, and if you think you are hiding stuff from your children,....uh no.

[@briannatate4611]

@@donnathompson3076 I am currently going to the chaplain at the base my husband works at (active duty Navy) and it’s been helping a little. My third session is on Wednesday

[@donnathompson3076]

@@briannatate4611 I also really, really recommend Jody Moore - Be Bold. She has helped me more than all the therapists I've ever been to. Her podcasts involve changing our brain, and our ways of thinking. Jodi is $59/mo but totally worth it. I like to walk in the mornings and listen. She has changed my life!

[@briannatate4611]

@@donnathompson3076 thank you, I can look into it and see what I can do. We are a single income family so doing $59 a month might be a bit out of our reach right now.

[@carolfigueirars]

I have been dealing with the loss of my mom for a little over a year from lung cancer. I try to avoid my triggers and guilt and remember the good things. I know I need to get treated, I will soon.

[@v.s.4900]

„It‘s not the olympics of suffering.“ That hit a nerve

[@satinswan1979]

"It's not the Olympics of suffering." I am so stealing that phrase.

[@helluvalex]

I have had many an emotional trauma. I was born with a congenital condition where I nearly died. My friend died at a young age when I was around 7. At 10 my dog got put down right infront of me. At 11 or 12 I forget but a family friend died and as if recent at the age of 16 one of my closest family members passed and that was only a few months ago and im still troubled by it. I’ve not really had any real friends in my life. Maybe the odd one or two but the ones I do have are the best people I could meet. My family are great and so are my friends and loved ones and I’m glad I’m able to say that as I’m aware that isn’t the case for everyone. My heart goes out to you all❤

[@s_napps]

There’s a saying my mom has that’s “no le voy a quitar sus buenas intenciones,” which is “I won’t take away their good intentions.” People who love you genuinely, wholeheartedly want to be there for you, let them.

[@justabble]

[sorry for my English, I'm not fluent, but really want to tell about it from my perspective] I was raped being unconcious at 15, and a few years later i've been sexually attacked by my abusive BDSM partner (i was tied up and compeletly helpless, crying, shaking, literally teriffied of the prospect of being severly physically hurt). HOWEVER, i don't find related content triggering, after both situations i had some „ptsd symptomes” (physical or emotional) only by a few weeks/months and I'm not able to plunge into negative emotions by this any more, I also talk about it casually. The consequences of the emotional trauma, especially experiecing rejection, officiousness (trying to „help me” and change my behaviour in a very unacceptable way) and someone's irritation because of my neurodiversity (I was diagnosed autistic in my 20s) are much more current in my life - I still have frequent flashbacks of random microagresions, that I experiened, feeling lot of regret and anger, it's painful to watch this type of content (for example it was hard for me to go through the 3th season of scandinavian The Bridge, when the autistic character is facing a lot of mistreatment) and when I am ocasionally treated like that again, it literally freezes me. I must also say, i've never been trully bullied, or being such rejected, that I couldn't find at least one friend to talk to in some kind of permanent environment. I didn't experience anything in this subject that most people would accepted as a valid trauma. Still, everyday I'm scared of unknowingly doing something socially unacceptable and facing this type of reactions. I lost faith, that I would find a therapist, who would think about my traumas in a way, that I would like him to. Everyone I've been to, by assumption assigns undue importance to the physical assault, which I don't consider a problem in my life anymore. Thank you for your video, I find it very importand to increase human awareness on this topic, emotionall traumas are too often trivialized, and people doesn't understand that it is subjective.

[@sarumatsu3698]

My dad had MSA... he was with us for about two years after he got diagnosed with the illness and basically was told he has a limited time left with us... It got so bad in the last few months.. I realised I had PTSD when I went to see Logan (The wolverine movie) and the scene where the professor was introduced sick and in-bed while Logan tried to flip him around in the bed hit me out of left-field. I did not expect to feel that way. I bawled for a good 10 minutes and looked away everytime they showed him sick.. After that when I hear about someone's granddad being sick and bedridden,, I avoid thinking about it,, I look away from such scenes in movies and try to protect myself from that trigger.. I didn't know that something like this could ever happen.. (For any context, I'm 30 and my dad passed away when I was 23,, I was the eldest in my family and my and my sister had to be full-time carers for him,, although my mom was doing what she could but she had her own health issues at the time so we had to a lot of the lifting/flipping/cleaning/feeding etc.)

[@lockmonster05]

I have no support system. The people who traumatized me were my family i.e. Parents. I don't have money for therapy or time for extras as I work around 11 hour days. I always react like everything is a threat. 1. Overly loud voice: I go into a hyper vigilant state, watching that person closely for aggressive movements. 2. Any critique or any negative feedback I react defensively without listening, even if it was well meant. 3. I NEVER ask for help because when I was young I was constantly told I was selfish or when I tried to call someone to come get me after being thrown out of the house, phones weren't answered or they'd wait until 2am after they got high with their SOs. It was constantly reinforcing how much I didn't matter and now I don't ask because I'm afraid what friends I do have will be the same. 4. I can't take a compliment. I brush it off or deflect because compliments were used to be sarcastic or degrade or humiliate me when I was younger Mostly I bottle everything up until I get into such a depressive state I break down for 24 hours. Rinse and repeat.

[@klanderkal]

I finally, after years... was hired at the job I've always wanted. City Bus Driver! ... I recently lost my job, because i foolishly retired with coworkers. I lost it! 2 weeks after. I didn't realize how much i needed and loved my job.!! I was caught up in the ceremonial achievement grandure, " you earned, you deserved ".. Im so devastated. Others say i should be happy... but, im distressed , extremely upset and devastated. I have so much STRESS.! I have horrible anxiety now. I cannot sleep, i have the worst insomnia. I also suffer from anhedonic depression. Im deteriorating mentally, emotionally and physically. I cannot even go outside anymore. I don't associate. This is my Trauma 😢😫

[@Kealasadiva42]

Ngl hearing true loves want to be there for you got me crying. Earlier today my grandma talked about how we gather together in times of hardship. I’m glad to have them

[@andhereismyspout]

The videos from you guys and the "therapy in a nutshell" channel helped me in identifying my own trauma. Trauma is not a subject we are often educated on, so when I experienced my traumatic experience I am thankful I had these resources to understand the depth of the psychological effects it can have and to put a name to the things I was going through. And personally, the thing I think that has helped me feel most powerful in regards to my trauma has been opening up about it in writing. In my private journal or poems, this is the only way I externalize it since it's so personal, and I believe that has been a big help in my healing journey. I had the habit of journaling at the time of the experience, so it was natural for me to write it all down when I was healthy enough to. I would like to see a video addressing recovery from a trauma that WAS your fault. Because for me, I see the blame of my experience sitting fairly on my shoulders - and I mean that... no mistaken psych bullshit, just truth. So, I'd like to see a video touching on when you cause your own traumatic experience and the barrier that can be to reaching out for another person's help. Thanks!

[@jdyer8411]

I definitely have trauma, and one of my triggers is talking about cancer because my tramatic experience was lousing my great grandma to cancer.

[@godlesslippillow]

I’m still working on healing my inner child. But I’ve gone to therapy a few times and I have an easier time letting people help and be there for me. Still not that great at it but I’m improving. When I told someone close to me what happened, how it affected me, and how I was healing it had unexpected benefits beyond me. I became a safe person for them to talk to or to come to with a similar problem, or they didn’t realize a thing that happened to them was abuse or traumatic until I said something that made them think about it in that way, and now they are on their own road to healing.

[@rubenhinze7695]

Thank you for this. I've always invalidated my trauma from being rejected. I'm still hurting after 3 years and I often get angry with myself for not getting over it. When I tell other people about my pain they just tell me to get over it. Get over it? That's what I've been trying to do for the past 3 years and yet I'm still here. "But it wasn't a real breakup because she was never interested in you in the first place, so why should you feel sorry for yourself?" Is usually the best help I can get. Honestly, I'm afraid of trying a relationship again, because even if someone is willing to give me a chance, it's only a matter of time before they see my shortcomings and leave. And I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it if something so minor has affected me this badly already. But this channel has really helped me grow and I'm grateful for that.

[@ForsythtobeReckonedWith]

I think for me, I am just realizing the severity of my trauma. I mention my experiences in such a casual way, but I see how shocked it makes some people and I wonder why. It took me until just a few days ago to realize that I'm the outlier. The things I worried about as a kid were not healthy or normal. Thank God I have good parents and a therapist though. I'd be screwed otherwise 😅😅.

[@AndyD.21]

Thank you. With your videos you help me understand myself better. I've struggled with accepting my trauma. Still I feel like I have no right to feel bad because nothing really really awfull happened to me. It's until there are people who have it worse I have nothing to complain about and don't deserve anybody's help.

[@W0ndaze]

Can you ...get addicted to being triggered? Even though deep down you don't want to be 🥺

[@millartiste2d]

That sounds like emotional self harm. Maybe subconsciously you are seeking triggers as punishment?

[@ingridmalmberg2841]

Or maybe a form of (unhealthy) self validation? When you are desperate for validation?

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Your body can physiologically become accustomed to being in a triggered state.. So in a way, yes. But also we can heal from this, for the most part!

[@mrhellothere4143]

Sometimes when something triggers me, I'll actually go back and look for more reminders of the painful thing that happened. Like if I feel bad already, I seek out even more of the painful stimulus. I have no idea why we do this lol

[@sleepyninjarin7971]

That sounds like you can use it to your advantage! Might help with exposure therapy

[@jonathanastro2531]

For the longest time I’ve struggled with abandonment issues since my dad just left and never came back, countless friends and my once best friend, I never talk about it with anyone and my I hate self because all these people leave is my fault also that I got kicked out of the army due to my mental illnesses, I feel like a failure. Which results in the self hate and in thoughts like “everyone is better off without you” “there lives will be better without you in them”. Yesterday a friend of mine, she asked what was wrong?” I of course lied and said I’m fine. I’m terrified of being shutdown or like I’m overreacting, what I didn’t tell her was that I feel guilty for not helping her when she was sick, that sometimes I help people to prove I’m worthy to get appreciated, to get validated, to be prove that this moment is better with me in it. And I sort of regret not telling her and snapping out a bit. But I’m worried it’s to late to tell her that. Or even when it’s appropriate to tell her. I deal with all these thoughts by holding them in and releasing by journaling or just hold it in, go on a hike also sometimes help

[@paganathiest6349]

love that i found your personal channel, over on cinema therapy you always help me to see things from a more understanding perspective for both myself and others in situations im going through, and currently right now im going through something that up until you pointed it out that even if its not typically traumatic, being able to understand it for what it is would help me to grow around it.

[@neoshadowdukeofgames8223]

Thank you so much for this. Y’all have helped my light to shine brighter than it ever has in my life!

[@madeleinedarnoco5190]

I first thought that I might have emotional trauma when it was suggested to me that for therapy I could work with an avatar that would be digitally altered to look like me at child age and I then would through VR look at that avatar and hopefully work something out from there. Just the thought of me „going back“ to that time made me have a full blown mental breakdown.

[@shamstam]

I didn't have the guts to define my experiences and reactions as responses to "trauma" until I realized how badly they affected my relationship. As it is my first relationship, I've been learning so many things about myself, and I've had to work through a lot of things I didn't notice or realize could be problems until they became big enough to have to be addressed. I never liked calling them traumas, I've got so many diagnosed friends struggling with things a lot worse than I. I've always been the "sane/healthy", "down-to earth", "mother" in my friendgroups, and I still am, but those labels definitely made me suppress my emotions so I could be there for the others. There's still a whole lot of work to be done, but I'm on the right path As for how I deal, I've honestly been writing diaries for years. Every time I experienced something emotionally overwhelming I would write and write and write. Looking back I never told my real life friends about it. My diary was the only thing I would entrust with my heart on these matters, as well as my best friend online. Now I've stopped writing in my diary, I have solid friends who I know I can rely on, and my boyfriend (now fiancé). I've gotten better at outsourcing and talking to people instead of keeping things to myself and my diary. And I think the love and support that I've gotten has done a lot in helping me get better at expressing myself. I absolutely despise talking about my emotions, but I've really been challenged to communicate with the LDR and its been freakishly terrifying, as well as healthy and relieving

[@ashtheakwardpeep8797]

I watched vids on Emotional Trauma and wow, I didn’t realize I actually had it. A few years ago, one of my friends died. When I see Jolly Ranchers, I will think of him(it was his favorite candy). Than I had a friend who betrayed me after being friends for years. Than finally, I had recently left a friend who pretended to be my friend for a year. This is the worst currently as songs, books, movies, shows, even way people phrase sentences trigger me to memories of them. I don’t have any coping mechanisms currently(aside of small vents to my friends).

[@rachelfurniss8768]

So, potentially loaded question: how do you get over trauma that involves a person who you don’t really want to cut out of your life but with whom you do not feel that actively discussing it would allow for a healthy discussion (largely bc they can be extremely volatile)?

[@deborahd2936]

My brother committed suicide when I was a kid, 15 years later my dad committed suicide, my whole family is a hot mess. I love them though. I got married a few years ago to a man I admire in many ways, but we have had a very difficult time getting along with extremely different personalities and approach to life, despite thinking we did enough prior to marriage to ensure success. I’m just now developing a core group of ladies to support me because I just can’t take more on my own. I have now developed an immune disorder and am having testing done and can’t even walk my dog hardly. I was healthy seeming, thin, tried to work out a little bit regularly, walked miles a day, Kelly up with my little nieces and nephews , diet getting better, but the stress of it all has been too much for too long. I feel like I’m getting old fast. I am doing everything I know to do to fix every part of my life that I can handle at one time. And I am learning to trust God with everything, with the walks I can’t take my dog on this week cause I’ve had a biopsy done and concerns that my husband is unhappy with me and my failures to be totally disciplined, trust God with the worries that are reasonable and unreasonable, etc. I’ve made an appointment with a local counselor at the urging of good godly friends. This video was encouraging to me. I think I’ve had trauma. It’s hard to pinpoint triggers though. But maybe the counselor can help me identify that.

[@tessistaking_ovr]

I found this video very eye opening to myself I never really understood why I couldn't talk about my childhood without crying and almost everything in the video applied. been struggling with a lot of stuff for a while but this made me understand a bit more thank you.

[@HyperfixHighway]

Actually when I was younger I had a friend I would do anything for. We were best friends. At some point she started to grow distant, but I never thought much of it. Just figured she was hanging out with others and that was fine. I wasn't the jealous type. Then one day she cut all ties with me. I didn't understand and she explained it as simply finding someone better. And it tore me apart. I tried explaining it to others and to myself yet everywhere I went, I was told to just get over it and that people grow apart. That I was blowing up the issue, especially as years passed. I kept scolding myself for letting it always fester in me. And I realized now that when I sense a distance in people, I dont fight to stay relevant to them. I let myself slowly disappear because at least that way, the separation was mutual and somewhat still on my terms. I didn't think I could ever be forgiven or be taken seriously for admitting I was scarred so deeply over a friendship lost in my youth.

[@SamiSnow]

I’m struggling with childhood trauma. When I try to talk about it my family tell me that that’s not how I remember it.. I’ve seen a therapist in the past and I’m planning on seeing them again to help deal with it

[@Schiffsfahrer]

I am in therapy for close to two years now. It helped a lot already, but still on the journey

[@ashbeets3466]

I had a bunch of horrible events occur in a span of a couple months in between 2019 to 2020. They're the generic things that people usually shrug their shoulders at and say 'so what?'. School grades dropping from A to literal zeros, university degree decisions, a terrible toxic friendship, lack of support from anywhere, teachers pressuring, parents pressuring, all the while everyone said things to me that I would say nobody should ever be told. It just felt like life was falling apart. When I left, I had to hide photos, belongings from when i was at the school, avoided doing things like making toast, or playing the piano, or listening to certain songs, etc. My parents scolded me for being ungrateful, but I just couldnt do it. Even today, I get asked things like "How bad can that school be?" from cousins, aunts, uncles or even distant relatives because someone in my immediate family had spread the story. Im told "it cant be that bad" so i should just "stop complaining and shut up because do you think i like seeing you in pain? No. shut up". My close friends are the only ones to have told me that the school was bad. one of them referred it as 'traumatising' but i could never wrap my head around that concept. But for the past few months, I'm starting to realise that the cumulation of things that happened was traumatising. I'm still affected to this day. Hearing you say that trauma can come from 'believing your world to be safe and then realising it is not' has made me feel more seen than i have in 2 years. When you said 'im very sorry' about people not making time for you, it hit hard. I just wanted to say thank you.

[@oceanflute6245]

I figured I'd comment on this video even though it's from a year ago. I have had a lot of loss in my life. Loss of grandparents, of a dear friend, a boyfriend. I also grew up with a parent that was emotionally abusive but didn't know what emotional abuse was until my parents got divorced when I was 13. Then struggling with trying to get my dad to see how much he was screwing up my life and having him just dismiss stuff or we'd argue about stuff and not resolve it. Long story short at age 18 I'd had enough. I wrote him an open and honest letter telling him how I felt and what needed to change. He read it in front of me and saw how serious I was. Lucky for me things are much better with my dad now. Do I still carry around a lot of issues due that? Of course. Do I know other people who have had worse than absolutely. But I try to keep in mind it's not one-up manship it's we're all suffering to some degree and how can we help each other get through it?

[@damedeviant1388]

I still get randomly triggered over random childhood cartoons that made me upset, the memories replaying over and over. I think with growing up in a violent household, these triggers were probably the release for all the trauma and emotional damage I was going through, as I don’t think I understood that I was actually crying about all the stress & anxiety experienced. Kids can’t articulate that stuff. So yeah, I have faulty synapses from that time and those seemingly benign cartoon memories can really send me spiralling into floods of tears.

[@gerrimilner9448]

im really just begining to deal with the traumas that have defined my life, which i have only began to realize the effect on my life. i dreamed about my late husband (but not good at all) and for the first time in my dream insted of allowing some of the abuse to replay in it i said get lost i dont need your crap.

[@sofialuna6210]

It tooke me almost 5 years to realize I had been in an emotionally abusive relationship because of this idea that "other people have it worst". Or in my case "he didn't mean to hurt me". Don't let that kind of thinking minimize what you are going through. Your pain is real and important, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

[@OnigiriVal]

This video hit me like a truck, I almost started crying at work hahah. I didn't really think I had any sort of trauma compared to some of my friends and family members, but it turns out it was just way, way different. Not only that, but the whole not wanting to be a burden thing is a thing I've told people in the past, and I didn't realize that it could hurt them so much. Anyway, thank you for this video. It made me realize a lot of things in a very short amount of time.

[@funsized1866]

I think that having a support system is hard. People who really truly care enough to listen to you and try their best to understand you even if they can’t put themselves quite in your shoes, they’re hard to find. I love my mom but she is very brutally honest and opinionated. She’s not really the best at just listening and understanding. She wants to fix it and tell you what u did was wrong but in a brunt way. She cares, but that’s not the kind of support that I need. My issues, I know the solutions and I know that I can fix them. I also know my shortcomings and where I went wrong in being too naïve. What I want most and need is for someone to listen, understand, and care about me. I have a friend (i’ve developed feelings for him but we’re just friends, neither of us is ready for anything more) and when i talk to him, if I relive that trauma. Its shit, but its okay. I know its okay, he focuses on me. How I’m feeling and is kind, gentle. I matter most in that instant. You tell your other friends and they’ll just go ‘that sucks theyre shitty, dont even worry about them they dont matter’ and move on with the conversation of how theyre going to disneyland next week (thats an example). But with him its so different. I never would’ve thought that opening up about that could feel good, and i never knew how the others reaction could impact you. With him, he says “I don’t know why they would do that. You dont deserve that. You are a good person and you’re worth so much. I love you so much. You’re so strong to have put up with that. You’re such a kind and caring person, even after what they put you through you still want whats best for them. I’m so proud of you for being you.” Do you see the difference? One makes you feel like just a crumb of the conversation, disposable, cast off to the side once they say their mandatory phrases. The other makes you feel treasured and important. Like you matter and they truly care.

[@Overseer2579]

Thank you for this video. It really validates a really hard friendship breakup I went through a few years ago, with who I thought was my best friend, and whom I’d known for 11 years. For a long time (this was back in 2021), I started to actively avoid deepening new connections, or forging new connections to begin with, because I was reminded of how this person spoke to me in our final conversation, treated me throughout the later years of our friendship, how he gaslit me and made some insidiously and sneakily misogynistic implications about my best friend who he’s never seen or met. And I now have enough distance to clearly recognize that I was being gaslit, emotionally manipulated, and ultimately traumatized by this former best friend of mine. The best way I can describe it is to compare him to Gothel from the movie Tangled (2010), which is one of my favorites for how cathartic it is in that respect. If you’ve seen the movie, you can get a clear sense of what I mean. But the bottom line is, I more recently allowed myself to accept that that was a traumatizing experience for me emotionally. And so because of that, I was able to, through making new connections and not preemptively dissolving them, and also through journaling, gradually overcome that trauma to where it no longer pains me as much as it once did. Now I just look at what this former friend did to me, and I think, “That’s sad”. Thank you Jono for being you as a therapist. You have no idea how much it means (also, pls excuse the very personal rant, lol 😂)❤

[@lanis7455]

i wish these videos were around a couple years ago, but i'm so grateful for them right now. this was so healing to hear for the present version of myself and i will make sure i pass this down to the past versions of me and my inner child/teenager that has so much hurt and anger and grief to process. all versions of me feel so validated right now. thank you so much for these videos. i'm so glad i found them.

[@cappuchino_creations]

As someone getting better due to a healthy social circle: I can support everything said here. It really gets easier once you start to work on it. If you read this and are hurt or lost or desperate, please please... just do one thing. Even if it is small. Start with that one step in your mind, and it will really get easier. And if it takes you hours to convince yourself to do something, so be it!

[@j.ronnygibson]

I've had some emotional issues, not sure if I can say I had trauma, maybe I did, but anyway I did alot of self-reflection and decided to be a personal therapist or listening ear for myself

[@marasschatten3103]

It took a long time for me to find out and accept that the fact that really every friendship that i had in my childhood an youth ended, mostly in a bad way and there were 3 friendships that lasted 10 years. So deep down i'm thinking that every realtionship i build with others will end one day and no one is realiable. I've worked very much on finding out when a person is toxic for me, but that got me very lonely for quiet a while. I grew up with the sentence: All of my friends got worse familys then mine (which was true) so my problems can't be so big, so it's my fault when i got a problem, because my life should be so happy and thankful (which is not true). For a long time i was denying that my family got issues which they took out on me, even when they meant the best doing it. So i'm really glad that this channel exists, it helps so much to hear all these healing authentic words

[@sylviaodhner]

I love this. It's not the Olympics of suffering! Btw, I'd love to see a reaction video on the new Netflix show Ultimatum.

[@MelandriaSurewind]

I have CPTSD, and I have a wonderful therapist, which she gave me lots of tools to help me with my day to day. I also went through EMDR treatment, and I strongly recommend it. It did such wonders for me! You're not weak or a wuss if you go through therapy. I would be a wreck of a woman today without it!

[@TheeMusicalARM]

I have used terminology and carefully worded texts to try an establish and maintain boundaries with individuals who are the cause of my emotional trauma. It is difficult because they do not understand how certain behaviors and things they say are causing further harm, but by focusing on separating their intentions from their actions I have been able to have a few minimal interactions with them that did not result in a trigger. Baby steps.

[@HikaruFER]

I want you guys to talk about dating after relationships/breakup, and also, more about how to work on ur trust issues. Thx

[@dragonlyra]

I've had a fear of abandonment since early childhood. It is unfounded, I have a great family, I was a sheltered kid, but I can still vividly remember a nightmare I had like 25 years ago that all my family just ran away from me and left me on the streets (the irony of it that the place they left me at is like 2 corners from home XD). I remember waking up crying. Then, more than a decade later I turned 18. And my grandma died. She didn't live with us but she spent a lot of time with us and I was the last one to talk to her on the phone. Her gastric ulcer went unnoticed. Doctors didn't have a chance to identify it in time because she was taking so much painkillers for her legs that even she didn't know that something was wrong. She held onto life for a few days in the hospital in a coma but eventually passed away. It shook my world. I had lost pets before but this was my first real brush of death. So my irrational fear of abandonment grew stronger. Then my dad had a heart attack and later an arythmia, they had to restart his heart. He's okay now but I'm so afraid that at any given moment one of my family members can just disappear from my life forever. And I'm also ashamed that I can't let go of these feelings and control the waterworks when they come... I'm a grown-ass woman, I should be able to handle this. I avoid seeing really sad movies when someone else is around and I don't like when people try to console me because it makes everything so much worse. But just crying it out helps sometimes. Preferably when noone can see it :)

[@ms.bonilla8059]

"But you were terribly mistreated". This video was for me, and there's no support system here 😞. And it's not for the lack of reaching out. People just don't want to listen because they get tired of listening or don't believe that things are that bad. And I'm am adult! There, got it out of muy chest.

[@Booktrovert3]

I would like to get a video about how to cope when you had an emotional absent parent as a child. I guess this is a kind of subtle trauma that still affects your adult self.

[@erissablackthorn9444]

I find hairdressers stressful for some reason. I just have to enter the shop and get that smell and i want to get out. Funny thing is, once someone starts on my hair it relaxes me to the point of nearly falling asleep. I do remember that at maybe 5-6 years old i decided to get some big scissors, go into backyard and cut my hair. Once my mum spotted me outside she was very mad, and i remember hiding behind the sofa by the wall, since i was small enough to fit in the gap. I dont remember the time she took me to a hairdressers to get it cut properly, but she told me i kept running away and hiding under chairs and stuff. Im guessing that experience was what makes it triggering for me. I also know that whenever an adult brushed my hair they were always rough, and i hated it when they tugged too hard on the knots.

[@kenyakemparsk6981]

The "this is not the Olympics of trauma" is a really important thing to remember . In the past 2 years I've noticed that so many people who walked in and out of my life were comparing each other's stories, memories and most importantly their trauma. And this doesn't solve anything at all.

[@doryd2770]

Hey, love ur content so much. Please please react to generational trauma in friends that was briefly shown in Monica's mother and grandma

[@strmkid]

That's why we have loved ones. So we can burden the hell of our them. Tell me why I never thought of them this way.

[@LamanKnight]

I haven't felt much like talking today, but... you're right, and I've known this to be correct: avoiding triggers just gives them more power over you. So, between acknowledging that, and this little prompting inside me... *sigh.* OK. I admit that I'm dealing with emotional trauma right now, and I need to call it for what it is. There are a variety of little things that have been getting to me, but there are two main things that happened this week, which have catapulted this to an entire new level. First, I recently found a rare, golden opportunity to apply for my dream job, right here in the city where I live: an honest-to-goodness creative writing job that is ACTUALLY about creative writing, and not some misleading job posting where they just want someone with a degree in marketing to do spreadsheets or something, and mislabel that as "creative writing." Well, I applied for this job, and... nothing. They didn't even have the decency to send me a rejection letter, to acknowledge they'd received my résumé and portfolio, let alone that they'd read it; they've just ignored me, and removed the job listing from their website. This hurt, not only because I really wanted this job, not only because this would be the first time in my life I ever got paid for what I went to university for, and not only because it would give me the means to move away from my current living situation and community (which ranges from annoying to toxic), but it hurt to be rejected from this job because it's a rare one. This is the first and only time I saw a job in my city for which I was perfectly suited and qualified. I don't feel optimistic that such an opportunity will arise again anytime soon, if ever. So... now I need to try to find some other way to sustain myself - even though it's been medically proven that I'm no longer capable of working eight-hour labour jobs. Yeah. This hurts. It hurts to the point of trauma, yes. Second, and perhaps worse, is that in the past three months or so, I'd become acquainted with a woman whom I really liked. And she repeatedly seemed to be indicating interest in me. I wanted to try pursuing a relationship with her, and this week I finally had a chance to ask her about it... but just seconds before I was about to talk to her, she announced to some other nearby women that she had just got engaged. And that made me feel like I was being impaled. I hadn't been aware she'd already been dating someone, during the whole time I'd known her. So, it hurts, not only because I'd begun to feel something for her, and not only had I begun to project hopes in her, but I feel blindsided. Maybe it's a stretch, but I even feel betrayed. She definitely gave me looks of more than just curiosity or compassion; I've seen eyes like hers before, when they project an emotion like she was displaying. It bothers me, it even makes me sick to my stomach, trying to reconcile what she appeared to be expressing, to the way things were really playing out. Yeah. This is also traumatically painful. Anyway. The paltry bit of good news is that I've had a lot of experience dealing with trauma. And, thanks in large part to Mended Light and Cinema Therapy, in addition to occasional visits with my own therapist, I know there are different names for these different types of trauma. There is physical and emotional trauma I deal with, PTSD, CTSD, and CPTSD, and the whole gamut. There are also a lot of techniques and tactics I've accumulated, and that I rely on at times like this. The ones that have been helping me the most today have been breathing exercises, writing in a journal, prayer, engaging in a hobby I enjoy (baking), spending time with friends (a rare occasion that I get to do that), and just allowing myself to mourn (crying included) so that I can properly grieve this and try to move on. Yeah. There you go. I'm actually really weary, and despite my best efforts, my heart hurts severely. So that's all I have. Thank you for the video, Jonathan, and everyone else at Mended Light. I suppose it's been good for me, talking about this. Have a good day, eh.

[@tyrax3181]

I did not realize that I have emotional trauma, unless my therapist pointed it out to me. I started avoiding every relationship with anyone, just to avoid triggers. I have/had a gigantic fear of commitment, because I knew, that I would get hurt again. You know who got me out of that spiral? You. With Cinema Tehrapy. Your sentence "To never feel pain, means to never feel love" started a movement in myself. A desire to overcome my fear. A desire to work on my trauma, with my trauma. So in the end I really have to thank you. (and my therapist). Sadly this wasn't the only trauma, and I got diagnosed with PTSD, and will undergo EMDR soon. Do you have any videos on that? What is EMDR, how does it work?

[@ciasolis4048]

So I deal with trauma in a few ways. One is to try to recognize when I'm spiraling in fear, especially pertaining to an abuser. I try to stop from going further with any imagined scenarios, but I do not dismiss the thoughts. I acknowledge that my fears are valid. However unlikely, the things I fear are possible. I don't need to scold myself for being afraid. What I then do is take stock of where I am. It has been this long since I've seen them. I am here, they're likely in another state. They have no idea where I am. I've taken this step, and this step to make sure they can't find me. I go through all of my precautions and safety nets, I review the likelihood of being in danger. I imagine the ways I know to protect myself. All of these things help remind me of how far I've come and how safe I am now. Also, I try to be thankful for every little thing I have and don't. I'm thankful I can walk, I'm thankful I don't have kids with anyone who abused me, etc. It helps to count your blessings, I promise.

[@stacyloertscher7619]

Well I thought I was handling it fine haha. My brother in law committed suicide March of 2020. He and I would always geek out together discussing movies and tv shows. We debated why Marcel movies were so much better than DC. His favorite super hero was Spider-Man. I haven’t been able to watch and marvel or DC movies and have avoided Spider-Man ones since he passed. Guess I’ll pop some popcorn, grab a few boxes of tissues, and face those triggers head on. While snuggled up with my dude of course. 🥰. Thanks Jono, you’re a rockstar

[@duffgirl216]

Gosh, I love your videos! Thank you so much for your pearls of wisdom! ❤️🙏

[@minime7321]

This is a bit messy. My ex and I are broken up a while ago but he came back and gives me hope that we are going back together (it already felt like it was). But he ghosted me and in a roundabout way I found out that he has a new girlfriend. a mutual friend congratulated him on his new relationship while I was there during a D&D session (kind of game). That's how I found out. So it was really devastating for me. I try to solve it with journaling and meditating but I still struggle with heartache after 2 months. So based on this i have a question. Do you have some tips how to get over relationship anxiety or fear of abandonment? I hope you could make a video about this. Your video is really helpful btw and i appreciate it 🙂

[@michelle48]

I used to be completely reliant on other people to feel better when I was struggling, and now, in the process of learning to self-partner/self-parent/practice self-compassion through therapy, I feel like now I have swung in the direction of not reaching out for help, because now I don't need it as much. Before learning these tools, it felt like I was dying if I didn't tell someone because I wanted to hear them say all the comforting things, but now I say those things to myself and can do that for myself - which is great! But I just really struggle now to tell people (besides my fiance) when I'm having a hard time, because most of my network of loved ones don't live near me, and.. what are they going to tell me that I'm not already telling myself? Definitely that is much better than before when I wasn't able to meet my own emotional needs, but yeah I hope I can learn that balance between self-partnering vs leaning on others. So Jonathan if you have any tips for how to navigate that, let me know!

[@laurawilson5666]

Still struggle with triggers. Please pray for my family.

[@willie_the_monkey_king]

i try to push myself to move past it, like when you see in comic books where the hero reminds themself that it's an illusion and they have to keep on fighting. This isn't the most effective method. However, in spite of myself, i'm not dead yet so it can't be that ineffectual.

[@RPGgoddess25]

So 4 years ago my ex of 10 years suddenly died and it nearly killed me, I hated looking at pics and memory hurt but now I can almost enjoy them for whether are so thanks

[@tayzonhannah]

This video makes me feel so validated. Thank you :

[@doppelkammertoaster]

Maybe an interesting topic could be potential tactics to deal with a mind that is always anxious and inhibits sleeping.

[@lynnjohnson9727]

It's hard for me to tell if I have trauma or not. I pretty much erased most of the early stuff. I felt like a piece of me was crying out while watching this. My main question is, *How do you get a therapist? Specifically a good one online.* I hope you are well and having a wonderful day!

[@funquimero]

I Lost the person i most love in My life two weeks ago, and i'm so broken right now

[@mgb7140]

Late post, but I'm in a divorce from an abusive marriage, and I keep waiting for the next shoe to drop. I've decided he is a centipede because he has apparently no end of shoes! I would so love my stomach to stop hurting.

[@alucard73]

I definitely would like to hear a video on if ignoring your partner is emotional abuse. I went through a season where my spouse stepped away from me for months, would not speak much if anything to me, stayed 100% emotionally kept from me after a tragedy happened. I was hurting as well from the tragedy, feeling absolutely unsafe in so many ways, but I could not speak with them about it. I don't feel abused, I know they were just struggling like I was and maybe more. But I can't seem to heal and I feel like I'm missing something in how I am treating this pain.

[@Zeroness0]

I wish there was a Discord server for this Trauma Healing Group. Also what to do if people that try to help just make me more sad by being nice and supportive for me?

[@evilkirachan]

Dont know if this counts but like so many my dad left when I was 3 and I haven't seen or really heard from him since i was 8 (I'm 28 now). Since then there have been 3 step dad and and a step dad that I claim (he adopted me at 15 but sadly passed away about 7 years ago). I've become very accustomed to change and have a forward March mentality (I rarely, if ever, look back) but a few months ago my god father passed. He was really good friends with my bio dad and kept us in his life after he left us. But the possibly of seeing my bio dad at my god father's funeral caused me so much anxiety and stress that for the 3 days of services and eventually the funeral I wasnt able to sleep (like at all not exaggerating) and my boyfriend had to make me eat. All from the possiblity that he MIGHT be there. Turns out I was worried for nothing because he didnt go his funeral. It still get angry when I think about the whole situation and the effect it had.

[@latterdaycovenantliving]

Can you do a video on “inherited trauma” I suspect my trauma that could be considered “mild” effected me in a very non mild way because of inherited trauma from my mother and grandmother. I think I was pre disposed to not feel safe when I was a baby and my mom was in the hospital a lot and I lived with nice kind relatives for months and months at a time. I have developed DID without ever experiencing the type of trauma that sort of disorder normally requires.

[@MamaRahRah]

People can talk about the most horrific trauma and be OK about talking about it and then like the most random thing like seeing a bluebird will be the emotional response linked to the trauma. I feel that way about myself like that emotion isn’t necessarily in the place that anyone would expect that emotion might be triggered by something random even though the source of the emotion is a more obvious trauma.

[@josiehiggins9513]

I was abused as a child and no one believe me. Not my family, not my teachers, not the police. It stills kills me. Tried to work through it but nothing seems to work so I bury it. I put myself in bad situations in my twenties and bad things happened by "good" men. I was seeing g a really insecure guy when one of these bad situations happened and he blamed me and used it to emotionally abuse me. we emotionally engaged then he left me stranded at the hospital when I was having surgery and dumped me over text. I'm reasonably successful but he is really successful because his parents gave him a career, home etc. every couple of years it seems to resurface and its really painful to think about.

[@asherleh2570]

I have a lot of trauma from my father showing me videos of animal torture as a child, and myself killing a lot of pets at home as a child due to a lack of understanding that animals were living, experiencing creatures, and a lack of supervision. I am now vegan, pick fruit flys out of the dog's water bowl every day so they don't drown, and have a family of mice living in my ceiling that I refuse to do anything about because they deserve shelter and safety as much as I do. If I witness any abuse of animals online, I fall apart and will replay those images in my mind for decades. While it makes life challenging sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way because now I cause the least amount of suffering I can in the world. Trauma is a messy bitch.