Zelda ALttP Clown Routing and Uncommon Text - 1 - Light World

Playing Randomizer has emphasized that the vast majority of the game isn't gated by what you've done, but by your inventory. And although the base game places many of the items in a way that railroads you to a certain extent, there's still quite a bit of unusual routing and sequencing you can do, entirely legitimately.
What's more, the devs knew it! An impressive number of frankly nonsensical routing choices result in appropriate modifications to the dialog and narration that you wouldn't normally see.
So, let's try routing the game in just about as unconventional an order as is possible (without outright glitching) and finding out what happens!
(Well... mostly without glitching. There's one particular message in a room that you can't even get to unless something went wrong...)