This should get more views. This was helpful. Thank you

Being authentically yourself can cost you all of your personal relationships but it's such a nice place to live from. No longer trying to pander to people's emotions. Just saying what the fuck you want to say.

My limerence. I approached him and turns out he doesn't even know me 😢😅

you call me out so much i like it its important .

Thank u so much, i told my limerance object to block me, but i keep making these fantasies about he actually loved me, but i have to be in reality and work in myself

Good and gentle sense of humour in such a touchy area. :D It was great, thank you.

She's in denial. She can't accept or face the rejection I gave her. She probably thinks down the road something will happen but as time goes on I only want to be further and further away from her. She should be putting that energy into her child. She's not in a position to be chasing relationships. Life's in shambles. Being someones limerant object is annoying.

Our experiences matter.

its weird how from what i can see most comments are women but the most ppl that ive seen who are obsessively clingy from no self worth/ past trauma are guys. weird.

I’ve been on the other end of this and didn’t realise I was another project for this person, this same person who constantly complained about how she felt sorry and couldn’t abandon some of her other projects. The friendship ‘peaked’ during a really low point in my life and I was promptly dumped when my life started to take an upward swing a few years later. This person almost lived vicariously through my externalised difficulties, that were a manifestation of her own internal struggles.

Thank you for your wise and helpful words. This limerence action is a horrible feeling. Having a way to think about it is very useful. Also having the background of the reasons for this action to be engaged is extremely important. I needed to hear this. I can move away from this action which has a hold on me. I can let it go. I can heal the root obstacles to authentic self love.

This was fantastic.

With lots of inner work most of it on.my own I have rejected all the people I have encounter because they were narcissists and I did a good job setting boundaries or just leaving, not reacting and I am not as much of a people please as I have been but knowing people when you are old is not easy and much harder in this time when people are glued to their cell phones, myself included. I just don't know how to get out of freeze response. I had expectations when I went no contact with my whole family and left the city. I have been three years in new city and I have not found a single soul I could relate with in a healthy way. I feel alienated and excluded, and broke.

I went no contact with my mother when she started to criticize my parenting when my child was only 4 months old. I knew I had to break the cycle. She was never someone capable of apologizing for being hurtful and I knew that was toxic and wrong. Many years later I wanted to make sure I gave her one more chance so she could meet her grandchildren at ages 6 and 8 so I flew her out for a visit and she showed what a broken narcissist she was. She had no ability to connect with the kids and all she wanted to do was talk about all the ways she was a victim of husbands and her parents, etc. For two weeks she never once wanted to ask how my life was or listen with intention or play with her grandchildren. She was a critical and abusive person even years later. So there's just no place in our family for that broken dysfunctional toxic mess. Fortunately, my children have a set of healthy grandparents who know how to love them and accept them unconditionally. I've never heard from my mother since that episode. I'm deeply saddened by what we're all missing because she has no ability to mature and appreciate what she could have had. I have heard its common for many people of her generation to not want to be grandparents.

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Thanks for the validation and the sharing of such unexplainable experiences. I still remember how some of my friends said to me "But they are your parents, you should do more to keep them or you will regret it when they die." After I had repeatedly explained that the estrangement happened because I was cut off by my parents as they didn't like that I said no to their emotional abuse after silently being their emotional sandbag for over 30 years. I said no for the first time when I could not take more, and I was cut off, abandoned, and punished. People who have not experienced abusive parents would never be able to understand how difficult it is to grieve the parents who are still alive but gone from our lives. The parents we should have but never experience, the parents we lied to ourselves we have or hope we will one day have, only to finally accept that we never have, and never will have in the rest of our lives. The only way to at least get ourselves back is to accept who they are. If it is a choice between them and me, I choose me, when I finally have a choice after surviving a childhood without choices.

I never leave my son in a "state"

This is one of the best videos I've ever seen on estrangement. It really puts all these feelings out on table on what it feels like to make this decision. It's a terrible decision to have to make. And no one fully knows what that grief feels like unless they have experienced it.

These vides are gold! Keep up the great work!

The problem is something different too. Parents don’t want to give up their power and control over the Children and their children. Control and manipulation over the children until they jump into the grave. What you forgot is labeling as a justification. "That's just the way I am. I just like that... what ever." ( obey ) There's a saying from the movie (Platoon) "O'Neill: Excuses are like assholes, Taylor, everybody got one. That fits. And of of course parents are always right !

Thanks. Just what i need to hear. I wish i found out about your chsnnel earlier 😅

Its this strange purgatory we walk. Between love.

Wow What a powerful video. Stuff hits close to home. (sometimes it's like one doesn't even exists...) Thank you for this.

My parents never cared about me which made it a lot easier...I am semi-non contact. It's harder when you have parents who are kind of codependent on you.

Thank you so much for doing what you do!🙏 ❤

All you have talked about is Valid and as a grown up we need to recognise that we cannot expect something from someone who never experienced it that themselves. Here we come in to disrupt the pattern by doing it differently. Now we have to take responsibility and undo the damage.

Now that the horrible hit piece article was published on NYT, it's even more important to give each other strength, and validate the reality of estranged adult children. Thank you!

My mum is a covert narcissist she was hiding as a good compassionate person until I relocated and moved closed to her. She betrayed me in every possible way in worst manner. I hate her so much but to keep the peace I have to be cordial with her. But I hate this I never knew someone could be so deceptive these days she is not mattering Me much but she does things to make me jealous.

Thnanks

Anyone who minimizes estrangement, especially from "parents" doesn't understand how terribly difficult it is to be an orphan and having to dig oneself out of a deep hole.

When I was a child I never thought I would ever cut off my family....because until now at 51 I didn't know that the behavior of my mom and siblings had a name, that the way I was being treated was abuse. When the pandemic happened is when I started learning about narcissism and it's taken me 4 years to make the decision to go no contact with my mom and siblings. Making that decision is the hardest thing to do because you're facing the hard, real truth about your childhood and family.....and that's a hard pill to swallow. The grief and mourning that follows was so incredibly difficult to go through but I've finally made it through it. This video is validating. Everything you said is SO true. Thank you for this.🙏🙏🙏✌💜

I could be wrong however i don't believe that love is unconditional. Even just the idea of estrangement suggests to me that it isn't. Other than during the time of early childhood, a time when the state of babies complete vulnerability causes the requirement for love to need to be unconditional, i feel that love evolves to become more closely related to reciprocity. Religion has perhaps been the basis to attempt to enforce the ideal of unconditional love?. In which case whole generations of people may have been infected by guilt for any feeling of distaste they'd have had even towards doctrines designed by religious authorities too. In my view, i feel i can see that perhaps such practices might have had no natural way to even help to weed out the unworkable unsocial practices, from the social practices what might in fact serve to be more beneficial long term . Largely due to the idea that love should be expected to be unconditional Early human lives evolved around acts of reciprocity. It also assisted potential for human species survival . Such as when under attack from predators. Survival required reciprocity so that each human would know/care to have each others back, even when coming under attack I suspect that these old ways of being have been ditched in modern times partly because of those old ways not being as well suited to prospect to promote a modernized extreme style capitalist system which desires for assistance of hyper individualism to help to boost its option for financial gain I doubt that its either the parents or the children that are ultimately entirely to blame for the extent of dysfunction between parents and children. Parents and children and families in general, have been caused to disregard the value there can be in working and reciprocating together towards a common goal

My younger self is proud of me ❤

Thank you

Eloquently stated

this is exactly how i feel and what i have experienced with each one of them just to add many times it can be the aunts and uncles involved as well.

and many ppl dont understand so many times i dont really share much ... its challenging because all i have wished for my whole life was to fix it and to have the family but now i know it wont happen.

This was so validating ❤

Thank you Evita.

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If I had a replacement, I could let it go.