Codependency is holding you back. (it's time to heal)

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[@AcceptandAct]

We need to wake up to our own role in our codependent / enmeshed patterns. Although it's 100% true that people can be manipulative, difficult, etc., at the end of the day, we need to realize that it's still US who's allowing that negativity into our lives in one way or the other. This level of self-accountability feels scary at first, but it's incredibly empowering and liberating once we commit to it. Fantastic video!

[@evitapkcoaching]

Welcome to youtube Barlas. Big fan of yours on IG!!

[@BaraaAli-uq5ok]

The dog put a smile on my face. Thanks for making him/her part of the video!

[@davidgregg6860]

You have a way of speaking that creates a foundation of acceptance and understanding, which as the current BS codependent 44 yr old man-child that I am, I have found a way of reflecting on my known and unknown codependent emotions. Truly thankful!

[@meloworx221]

One thing I'm realising is that healthy people have no interest in playing along to my codependent game of fawning and overgiving. They expect me to show up as an equal and to value myself. Usually this means they end up backing off instead of taking what I'm offering. This does tend to feel like a rejection at first, but then i remember they're actually doing me a favour in helping me on my recovery, whether or not they realise it. They challenge me to show up with integrity as opposed to enabling my self-harming behavior. The other side to this is it's been just as important to distance myself from people who benefit from, encourage, and even feel entitled to my fawning, lack of boundaries, and self-sacrifice. So, surround yourself more with people who arent interested in your self-sacrifice, who see you as an equal, and expect you to respect yourself. It's the bitter medicine that heals over time :)

[@sasb3675]

Experienced this first hand with a healthy man I dated, he broke it off saying it wasn’t healthy to continue - much respect and admiration to him (but terrible guy wrenching pain too for months after)

[@keralytekid]

"And that is such a journey, to go from selfless to finding out you have a self and then actualizing that self." Absolute gold!

[@Mehroderminder]

so glad I found this video ❤

[@steejayk]

This channel is a great find.. Unlike so many others just copying others' content almost word for word.. You present your unique views.. Excellent work

[@dbuck1964]

You can tell she has done her own work.

[@SisterhoodPathways]

This video is incredible valuable. Thank you for sharing with us!

[@vhm2002]

It’s great to see you! I’ve been appreciating the “lessons learned” posts you’ve included in the community tab.

[@sychiang88]

Thank you

[@michelledarkentell7536]

Thank you for this video. I just found your channel today. You have a real understanding of what codependency is, and your explanation of it is amazing. It gives me genuine hope that I can change and make a better life for myself.

[@laraparks7018]

As a scapegoat, you are groomed and trained to be abused and learn not to stand up for yourself because they only treat you more harshly so, that's conditioning, not manipulation. And I gave hoping for reciprocity that's normal 😮...I believed the manipulator's future faking lies Not my fault..I was lied to

[@jonprince3237]

I think manipulation is meant here more in the sense of actively seeking to alter, influence or control how others perceive us, to focus their attention on those aspects of us we feel they may find most attracrive or agreeable, and will elicit our desired response, rather than the more negative connotation of manipulating to harm or exploit. To increase our chance of receiving from them, rather than to increase our opportunity to take from them, if that makes sense?

[@laraparks7018]

@@jonprince3237 I'm tired of victim shaming really... My therapist said I wasn't a victim and I was actually raided by a swat team after 2 suicides in the family and served eviction papers 10 days later amidst a mutating deadly pandemic in NYC 🤪 I was gang stalked by my family when I called them out for abusing me.

[@GerardGordon-bu9gf]

I know the message is well meant, she comes across as condescending and patronizing at times.

[@LesleySASMR]

Just wondering, if we’re always trying to get things from someone else, but the other end of the spectrum is hyper independence, is that just a protective/avoidant strategy? It’s definitely hard to maneuver these things when they are so ingrained. I love your video content and your calming voice.

[@evitapkcoaching]

Either extreme of the spectrum is telling of some sort of fear. We would hopefully be moving towards interdependence, where we can be both self reliant & safe to rely on others.

[@James-fm4jx]

Evita, are you speaking from personal experience on your topics.

[@CupNoodleKitty]

How can one work 1:1 with you? ❤

[@evitapkcoaching]

There are links for it in the description box! 💜

[@catharinalink9757]

Thank you