This is my experience exactly! Almost timeline and everything. Except I tried to get diagnosed and the psychiatrist and the practice were awful and traumatised me further so I gave up on an official diagnosis. My experience seems very abnormal, so I believe you will feel so much relief having a diagnosis and some tools to help. Thank you so much for sharing, I am so happy you did ❤

I relate so hard. Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤ Self diagnosis is so valid 🎉 Especially for women who were missed in research for so long! I’m passionate about help neurodivergent women navigate life changes and motherhood. ❤ You’re amazing

Hope you are doing good.

I feel less alone. Thank you

I don’t think it’s that women are better at masking than men, I think it’s mainly that women often *need* to mask more than men because of societal pressures. I also feel like I haven’t lost touch with my real self because I had plenty of time alone where I didn’t need to mask.

I don’t think it’s that women are better at masking than men, I think it’s mainly that women often *need* to mask more than men because of societal pressures.

Thanks Angelina.

Never do I ever comment or like vids on YT, but this time there was no hesitation, I relate so much to your experience 🩵 Thank you for sharing. Hope you're doing well and hope to hear more from you in the future. Take care - From a 23 year old girl, on the autism journey trying to figure life out. How to I don't know yet 🫠

I wish we wouldn't ever have to mask at all, having to mask is a burden, not only in family, friends or partner relationship, but it slows us down at work too. Having to do masking continuosly for hours and hours every single day is kind of like a big iron ball chained to the ankle.

Any number of people adopt a smile to be social acceptable . Everyone adjusts their social cues and interplay . Youre looking for things that aren't there . Any number of typical people find social situations uncomfortable and will adopt different traits to fit in . EVERYONE masks. Your looking for something that isn't there

All As student, 3.8 GPA, bachelor’s in Neuroscience… my first full time job destroyed me. Now I’m stuck grieving the life I thought I had. I always wanted to be a scientist, but now I know that’s not feasible. So many of my autistic friends are in the same situation. It’s so hard to find a job that pays enough and matches our skills. I think I’m going to have to do manual labor, which is fine, but definitely not what I expected.

What a profoundly intelligent video! I am self-diagnosed as well but only in the last ten years or so (I am now 68). I think that your self-diagnosis and self-discovery will enable you to have the fullest, richest life anyone can have, especially with the resources available for autistic people today. No one can buy time and you have the time to do so. Your early diagnosis supplies the key. I have a question and a comment, My question is that I wonder what your special interests are. Secondly, you are so insightful and articulate that I think that you would be a great success at writing scholarly articles based on your knowledge of autism. I am a college professor who leveraged a lot of scholarly study, training and my autistic talents to do a lot of great and enjoyable teaching and research. You might consider if this is a path right for you. Thank you for your videos.

I liked this video. I disagree that if autistic people were accepted, then they wouldn’t have to learn to mask. I think they would have to mask less, but still would need to, to some degree. All people do, to some extent out of consideration for other people’s needs. For example, an allistic person might be aware and careful not to chew too loudly around an autistic person with misophonia, as a kindness. Likewise, autistic people can and should be mindful of some things. I think it’s too absolute to glorify a reality where no one ever masks at all.

I was formally diagnosed last March with ASD and I didn't know that I had it until I took it upon myself to discover more about myself. Getting a formal diagnosis was a life changing moment in my life, but I'm always chatting with therapists on a weekly basis. Finding your niche in this world takes time and job developers are beneficial for people with disabilities, but it won't happen overnight and it's a lengthy process.

Do you drive ?

I def have traits 2 3 and 4, like big time.

5:55 Thank you for sharing. This has been tremendously helpful to me as much as it has also been terrifying. It's a lot. Yesterday I decided to finally do something about my suspicion about being on the spectrum and made some calls to get started on therapy and an assessment. I added a time-stamp on this comment because what you said is exactly of the same nature as to what pushed me to begin this process. Cooking and systems. I really liked how you worded that. My partner and I were talking about cooking and meal preps Monday morning - the 1st of July- and they got really frustrated with me. We've been dating for 2 years and officially living together for a year. You said it best but when I was confronted about my behavior and attitude towards cooking and meal prepping. I didn't have the words to properly convey my experience. I became overwhelmed and now days later I've still been crying and going through what seems like a loss of my sense of self. Everything you've shared completely resonates with me. Even the part about your experience during the start of the war in Ukraine. I remember where I was when I found out about what was going on and I was so overwhelmed that I drove for 9 hours to go see my family I hadn't seen in a year due to traveling, expenses and the stress that comes with that. All my life I've had this experience. These challenges that I thought were just a normal part of being alive. The first video of yours I watched was the one about your experience with masking. I gained such incredible insight from it. Thank you🥺 Everything in that video completely resonates with me and that's what led me here. I'm 30 years old. An immigrant, trans and considered the black sheep of my family. Now I believe I'm autistic but I have a resistance to admit it because I think it adds another reason to be discriminated against and be seen as less than. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be a problem to others but that's a personal issue I want to explore and navigate because I don't actually think that's true. I'm scared and overwhelmed about tackling the new challenges that will come with this but! I'm also relieved to have found these videos and others going through a similar experience. I feel reassured and less alone and less misunderstood. And a lot less embarrassed. I want help and I'm gonna do my best to get that. 💚

Thank you for the tips.

i just found this video, i guess because the title describes my whole life.. this year i entered college and its been really hard, i get tired so easily and although i talk to a group of classmates, we didnt become "friends". We just talk about college, exams and study. Its actually awful, i thought i could make friends with similar mindsets and interests, but this year im feeling the lonelinest ever so far.. i just have no one to talk to, i mean, i have a friend since we were on highschool but we live in different cities, and she already have new friends. i think im in burnout and have two important exams next week which i did not study a bit, and feel guilty about it. i lost a family member less than a month ago, i failed an exam, my anxiety doesnt let me sleep plus a lot more things.. i feel a lil depressed.. but i found your video, which i could relate to the most part of it, so it made me feel better. i feel like we autists feel alone individually, but when we find someone of the community (at least on social media), we realize we are not really alone. thank you for sharing your experiences, hope your life is going well, take care.

thank you so much for this beautiful video.i am 28 and have a similar situation

Hi Angelina! I'd love to send you an email, could you kindly share your address please? Thank you so much!

👍👍👍👍👍

Thank you so much for this video.

I'm almost 30 and I have Asperger's (or autism spectrum disorder as my diagnosis letter calls it). I've been to college, had jobs, lived in flatshares, but I've been living back at my dad's place for almost 6 years now due to some unforeseen circumstances and I haven't been in mainstream employment since 2017. I'm pretty much done with society. I'm sick of living in a world designed by and for neurotypicals. Things have gotten worse since the pandemic ended too. The neurotypicals have doubled down on their sh!tty behaviour, they're more judgmental and I'm having a harder time understanding why they do the things they do than I ever have in my life. Truth be told, neurotypicals are highly irrational people. Most of the time, they don't even think about what they're doing and act purely on impulse, so trying to rationalise their behaviour is a fruitless endenvour. Even knowing this, I still try to think of rational reasons as to why they behave the way they do, which just leads to huge amounts of frustration. This is why I don't go out much. If I don't interact with them, I don't spend time thinking about this stuff and getting frustrated in the process.

@PaigeLayle

@WoodshedTheory

I dont have to imagine. Thats how I am every day, when I was younger and when I am older. And it is actually kind of worse now as an adult with a job.

Could you share a a link to your Etsy?

I am 37 and I have no idea what to do with my life. I got no job no friends, lonely. I self diagnosed for two years and finally got my diagnosis in march: autism, adhd, intellectual disability, language disorder, anxiety, eating disorder, substance abuse!!! My only interest is Wicca but I do a lot of healing specifically reiki and I hope to do something with that.

100% RELATE 😅 These would be my TOP 5. We are very VERY similar 💗💗💗💗💗 Anxiety and overwhelm suck. Im trying to get over the hoarding - one trick I use is taking photos of the things if I dont have room to keep them. Im trying to tackle my anxiety and overwhelm with diet and exercise. Early days still. 🩷🩷🩷🩷 Molly

🩷 Thank you beautiful 🩷 Im 31 and have just realised Im autistic. Im having intense problems communicating with everyone. I feel suck too. I had a nervous breakdown a year ago and am relying on mum... I think I might have to buy ticket to a tropical island (dependant on work visa) + job... Or start a course. Its very depressing here though. And im realising how my gut problems are so closely linked to my emotional/communication issues. You are gorgeous and brave. Thank you for doing this for those of us who have issues talking to friends and family that we miss and need 🥹😨😞 Good luck with your appointment. Wish me luck communicating in general 😅

I understand the pain, having Aspergers and just trying to figure things out I feel is harder rather than someone without being on spectrum

Hey Angelina and everyone that is feeling stuck in a similar way, First of all, it is very normal for you to feel like you do in this situation. You, as well as the rest have certain expectations about life, society as a whole and your place in it, only to feel like a failure and start pressuring yourself when things don't evolve in a typical way. You want to feel useful, to belong somewhere and feel proud of yourselves and accepted. But here's the thing: as hard a place as society is for people on the spectrum, there's none that critical but yourself, and you really shouldn't because you'll only end up hurting yourselves chasing other people's - often unattainable - goals. Give yourself the space and time to figure things out. Don't feel like you have to work yourself into the oblivion of a full blown burnout - just so you can look yourselves in the mirror or because of societal pressures and stigma, or any loved ones expectations. As hard as it is to ignore this feeling, don't give in to it. It is important to give yourself the breathing space to analyze which goals are reachable and in what way, and which goals are not. For some of you it will be possible to be a tax producing member of society for others it is not. And that's OKAY, no matter the denigrating stigma surrounding it. If you aren't capable of maintaining a job, at least don't let clinical depression and burnout swallow your whole life. You only live once, don't squander it, let it serve your own happiness instead of chasing an arbitrary goal - a goal by the way that is way more futile than what society is ready to admit and which has been given way to much importance under the guise of validism. If you have enough financial support or a substantial amount of benefits you can enjoy a meaningful hobby or - if you feel like it - can engage in short term projects that are not overwhelmingly big and still feel like you're contributing somehow. You can engage in voluntary work or be self employed, but don't overextend yourself when it is clearly not working out. The main point is, your happiness doesn't need to depend on whether you feel like a burden or not. Do what makes you happy and if you still feel you must contribute somehow, do it at your own pace with respect to your own capabilities and qualities. And although it's a very natural and understandable reaction, drowning yourselves and feeling paralyzed doesn't serve anyone. Being happy with who you are is. Especially to those near you. I'm sure your family worries more about your happiness than of the expectations they once had. Expectations they undoubtedly set aside once they know why it's for the best. If they truely love you they won't impose such a burden onto their spouse. If they do: f*ck them. Some of you will overcome these barriers, others will not. When not, it isn't easy accepting those barriers. Still, you don't have to give a sintilla of what others think about that, and stop thinking it will do any good to crush yourself against those walls out of desperation. Be your own. Set healthy and realistic objectives for your life and stop burdening yourself with the crippling amount of worry and anxiety of what others think what gives meaning to your life. It is your life, not theirs, and it is your happiness that matters above all. And lastly, it is not a shameful thing to ask for professional help when you struggle with depression, burnout or any other ailments while 'navigating the spectrum'.

Please don't mask! You don't need to! You're amazing just the way YOU are!

This is such a beautiful video and message - thank you. I learned about your channel through your collab with Jenny Aspie. This video is so pure, honest, and inspirational (I wish I could speak three languages!) Also, the music reminds me of a film I love and often think of: 'Call Me By Your Name'. Anyway, keep being you.

I'm happy to hear someones experience from finland ^^ I'm also living here and currently waiting for my evaluation (which is supposed to be about generally anything I could be having/dealing with not just autism). I really hope it goes well for both of us ^^

Started your video then started zoning out about a NASA magnet I'm waiting to arrive today. Realized what I was doing and replayed the video... Your #1 is about zoning out! 😆🤣🤣🤣

Please come back

The "people know something is off about me but can't point what is", is so relatable.

I’m 61 & self diagnosed. I have just made the first step towards an assessment. There are so many hurdles in the US to an official diagnosis. First of all I have to find someone who has experience diagnosing (female) adults. Second hurdle is getting it paid for. Third hurdle is finding transportation to the many assessment appointments. So I completely agree with you that self diagnosis is valid. I’ve been searching for an autistic community because I would love to be able to spend time with others who have autism. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Oh I’d like an online autism community.

This testimonial is very useful for neuro-typical individuals interested in helping, too. Thanks for the video.

I’m also a self diagnosed autistic, but I get scared to say it out loud because I’m not sure if i really am or not. I can relate to everything you said. I also quit my job before the training period was over 🤦🏻‍♀ I feel so guilty about it as you mentioned. I was always considered “bright,” blah blah blah. At the end of it all, I feel useless.

Hi Angelina, thank you for your video. I got diagnosed last year with 47 years. I also asked myself why nobody noticed for 47 years. But can’t ask anyone because my parents don’t live anymore. I am very happy I found out because I understand myself so much better now and still learning a lot.

Did you just say self diagnosed? So many women are self diagnosed...

I hope we will see more videos, as you have the resources and energy to produce them 🙂. I also hope you have begun to build some community, friends from the world of autistic folks, and other Neurodivergent people 💚

I feel similarly. Although for me it’s been like 10-12 years. For the most part I just want to leave this life. I don’t feel that I can do anything about anything. Everyone around me is progressing, changing, and moving forward but I’m still the same. So I’m hoping to leave within a couple years. I refuse to be here for my 40th. I’m 31 at the moment. Although no one has specifically said it I deeply feel like a disappointment and a cosmic mistake. I just want to escape the continual pain.

Do what is BEST for You. (I wasn’t self dx) Our Planet Can be Harsh. I’m happy to know your parents are a positive factor in your life💗 If you don’t need medication, there are other alternatives. Be Safe. You Got This! 🫶🏼

You have a tidy living room though