41:21 Doederik Wolsak, who I think I am is not who I am, repeatedly ask Who Are You, little s self, the essence of your being, a self to function, forms in utero to 4, 5, 6yo, quitting drinking, subconscious, why is an attack question, what was that for, never why is this happening to me, is a lethal victim position question, people don't want to heal, want to keep the I they made up yet get a different experience, I should not have been born, epigenetics, 48:45 every belief, opinion, thought is a repeat of in utero to 4, 5, 6yo, conflict today, how old was I at that moment, I'm never upset now, it's a replay of something I mad eup long ago, the purpose is to take me back there, who's the I who chose that, not important, not loveable, don't matter, it comes from a belief that is a contradiction to who you are, Infinite abstract love, 3yo made an interpretation, ask 3yo advice, addicts - someone who has repeated feelings 2-3xday 54:00 purpose of meditation is to be clear on what I'm thinking, Choose Again, 💯 accountability, ownership, Trump, George Bush, I'm here to fall in love with those aspects of myself every judgment is on me, right v wrong 56:43 Gabor belief, Diederik KNOW, choice without consciousness 58:00 CHARLESTON WEST VIRGINIA Why is this happening TO ME, choice without awareness, I'm suffering because I'm deficient, am I worthless, insufficient 1:00:45 Diederik, grateful for SI, no justifying feelings/upsets, a reason to be upset puts you back in jail, an interpretation of the situation gives her reason for upset, no interpretation is true, SA, repeating the story, it happened to a body, I am not the body, all suffering comes from body ID, say my father is innocent and I love him, what would it cost you to say that, the self you're defending is not who you are, who you are cannot be abused, is above the battleground, the interpretation is the experience 1:06:27 Gabor abuse definition, say my father forced me to __, a relationship must be built with safety and trust in order for them to lay down defenses, brain reads safety subconsciously, defensive mpde = defending that self, it's not about me not mattering, invalidating, right v wrong, safety before going deep 1:12:14 Tried hosting a circle, can't hold their attention, addicts, MH, AA, smart program, Gabor, TedTalk pianist Benjamin Zander, leave their eyes shining, who am I being, it's always about me, 1:14:24 Diederik - What is that for, how you felt is who the I was, they came to show you who you are, I'm not interested in me, committed to my healing, 1:15:41 the I who doesn't want to be heard now has the opportunity to be heard, they bring me something I need to work on, I am teaching what I need to learn 1:16:54 Gabor teaches Diederik, trying is a giveaway, check in when you use that word 1:17:31 We cannot NOT choose, habits reflect a choice, how do we develop the Part that observes and begins to be responsible, Claim and change the habits. 1:18:51 Gabor definition of choice, amoeba, quality of awareness 1:20:05 make decisions without an awareness of choice, my father forced me, word abused implies something is meant to be used, it happened to my body and emotional abuse 1:21:17 every feeling is chosen based on body ID, it never happened to who I am in truth, but it did happen to who I thought I was and I'm not who I think I am, it's impossible for me to be hurt by another, it's my thoughts alone that cause me pain, 1:22:39 Doing it to be right about a belief I made up a long time ago. I wouldn't have done it that way, I'm wrong, collusion, my father never complimented me, German v Dutch, held the rake wrong 1:24:34 Gabor wouldn't do it that way 1:25:09 What are ways to encourage those more loving, constructive beliefs, What is this for, who do I think I am, How do we encourage an alternative belief/self 1:25:35 Gabor telling yourself you're not good enough, Identify the false belief and who you are will show up, see through the veil and the self who made up the story 1:26:03 Diederik how Do you feel if you don't? I can be right about an interpretation or a situation, But I don't feel good. I don't feel good when i'm right. You can be right, (ego sense of satisfaction) or you can be happy 1:26:48 alcoholic, trauma sensitive yoga, kundalini yoga, addiction, alcohol, MH, activating, triggering 1:27:31 Sat Dharam, 40 yr practice, addiction, lismiting beliefs, trauma, pain, activating, safe loving container, support, insight, self reflection, a fast track to healing addiction and separation from Source, Beyond Addiction, kundalini yoga taught in a trauma sensitive way, occupies the whole self, a break from the ego, immediate experience to place of love 1:30:56 Diederik, triggered by kundalini yoga, the urge to use comes up means it's working, don't run from it, welcome it, go where your discomfort is, triggers are opportunity to heal, Don't avoid triggers and people who annoy you, your healing is there 1:32:26 traumatic experiences, how to pinpoint, Gabor - trace the feeling back, whether you recall doesn't matter, remember it's not about the present, you made an interpretation, Diederik go to earliest moment, reinterpret that moment, come back to present, addiction doesn't have to come from a horrendous childhood, it may be innocuous, then ego beats you up 1:36:55 Addiction, trauma, recovery, recovered, careful what I'm telling myself, my story, How do we hold space to help that child tell another story, projecting my own story 1:38:54 answered your own question, shift your own energy about it, even if you are not with the person, and you will see a change 1:39:30 Depression, addiction, physiological illness impact on MH, brain function, brain gut connection, Gabor vagus nerve, sick to my stomach, imbalance in the gut = imbalance in the brain 1:41:48 Sat Dharam 500 species in intestines, 10x more organisms in your gut than there are cells in your body, whose home is it, bacteria sends inflammation through vagus nerve to brain, strains of lactobacillus that decrease depression/anxiety, candida, BM, fiber 1:43:24 Diederik stenosis, who is the I who is in pain, don't experience the pain as suffering, Punjab taxi headache, do you want to keep it, willing to try an exercise, ask yourself who is the I that has the headache, health is inner peace, the interpretation causes the suffering, no pain with kidney stones, If it's not a joyful experience, it's not the I who I am. 1:46:23 Gabor Parenting young children, give them an environment where they can stay connected to themselves, who you're being in the moment, be so safe for them that they never have to disconnect from themselves, Manifest so much love in their presence that they know the universe is love. 1:48:56 Diederik Teach by demonstration, divorce counseling, kids listen, demonstrate who you are and they will take an interest 1:51:27 + - emotions, judging, Joy is not an emotion, it's a state of being, experiencing your true self 1:53:27 Compassion's reach, homeless, shelters, recovery, TedX, do addicts deserve treatment, Gabor - fundamental misconception, addiction/why the pain, closed to their own pain, influencing the government, impervious government, Health Minister, injection site, addictions are about choices people are driven to when they're suffering more pain than they can bear, assume your listeners want to help 1:57:58 Transition period after completing treatment program, overwhelming sabotage thoughts, success is a state of joy, the ego/self cannot live in that state and will fight back, When you have a really good day, be aware because the ego will surface with things you haven't even thought of yet, it's good news you hear that voice so you can heal it, the self that hates you is not finished with you yet and will put up a fight. I've never seen an ego say You Win. Who is the I who just said that? Listen to The True Self. You have never failed. 2:03:44 Sat Nam meditation explained 2:04:59 sound bath, reshape your ID through sound 2:05:54 chanting