Me and my best friend ffs

🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🥰 🍰🥖🐉♠️🦄👌 🖤🩶🤍💜

Me who doesn’t understand any of these. I’m AroAce

thanks

Holy shit is this what I’ve been feeling?? DO I FINALLY HAVE THE ANSWERS?!?

This is how I feel about almost all my best friends

I love this! I identify as platoniromantic. This means that I feel no distinction between romantic and platonic attraction/love. I am technically arospec but I struggle to find myself in aro content because I feel as though i experience even more romantic attraction than whats “normal”. It’s just deeply embedded in and tied to my platonic attraction. I have known this struggle and internal battle and I am finally starting to understand it! Thank you so much for this piece, it makes me feel so seen!

I have no idea what romance is. Which is weird because every waking moment that I have free to myself I consume romantic media. I find comfort in it and can even relate to some of the content. And yet, I've never had a crush in the way other people around me do. I've only ever experienced sexual attraction, which is how i discovered aromanticism. My relationships are more than "just sex" and when I tell people im aro they look at me like im some gross sex monster and it honestly makes me really sad. I can want a serious relationship if im aro. I can want to get married if im aro. I can want to date if im aro. And yet, i've found myself wanting more than sexual attraction. Not platonic, not romantic, but not purely sexual either. A "secret third type" is how someone described what alterous attraction is to me. Which is how I found this video. Like you said its more about what it ISN'T than what it IS. So what I am trying to say is thank you. Thank you for educating people like me who had no where else to go. Because its one of those things where its different for everyone, I dont have to worry about fitting in the box that is labels, and i love that.

Honestly, the way you define it just lends itself as evidence that alterous is not necessarily a distinct attraction type in itself, but rather the gaps on the spectrum of attraction between platonic and romantic. Which would explain why it's easier to define what it's not, rather than what it is.

I am sapphic aroace-oriented. I seem to only get “meshes” on fictional fem characters, haha I’m very glad there is a term for this :)

I tried to tell the person i had a mesh on how i felt, but i didn't understand it myself and i think he understood for a while but then he moved on and didn't feel like anything that had happened between us had been important enough for me to care when he started dating my friend. Trying to explain the nuances of how i felt about him to other people has been impossible. The only way anyone takes my feelings about the whole situation seriously is when they assume they're romantic, but they're not. Now im dating a wonderful girl and I'm struggling with the fact that i don't think i love her romantically. I don't know if i even love her in the way i usually love people yet. And i feel horrible about it because how do you go up to this amazing girl who loves you so so much and tell her you don't feel the same but you don't want things to change because you need to get to know her more and you know you could love her and that you do care about her but it's just not quite the same way she cares about you

This is exactly how it goes, oh Gosh-

This is something I definitely want to look into.

Being Aromantic is like being on the same road as everyone else on the way to to love, except you’re missing a leg. Aroace people don’t have any legs.

Being Aromantic is like being on the same road as everyone else on the way to to love, except you’re missing a leg. Aroace people don’t have any legs.

Question: So what makes this “emotional attraction” different from “romantic attraction”?

Also, what is a “mesh”?

What is “queerplatonic”? Thanks.

Commenting as an aroace!!!!! We need more representation!!!! Thanks for making this!!!🎉

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! The Knight is only referred to with it/its pronouns in the game, and is canonically, irrevocably, not binary. it makes me so happy. I'm also neurodivergent and nonbinary, and this game makes me feel so seen, because even when it's just a bug, having a nonbinary icon in a hugely popular game makes me cry a little.

I'm all those 4 too!

How am I only seeing this now...?

Meshes are SO confusing. I have a mesh over a guy at the moment. Your Mesh short video brought tears to my eyes because I was like... "THIS"... Your videos have really helped me work out what I'm actually feeling for him. Not that I think he'd ever understand it, that I want to be there for him and that I know he's a sweet and sound guy who I really enjoy spending time with, but don't actually want to call him "mine"... I mean, that's such a weird concept anyway... When I've been trying to work out what I feel over him, all the romantic resources have left me feeling, well that, well I don't want to be the needy centre of his world with his undivided attention which these resources seem to assume that I want, but it's stronger than what the average person would speak of as friends or mates to use local lingo. Yeah, I want to be mates with him, but to be there for him in however he needs at different circumstances in his life, which certainly can change of course. I don't want to be his girlfriend as such. And yeah, I am aromantic allosexual, and he is attractive I'm definately not blind, but sometimes sex ain't wise and doesn't automatically mean that it's what's best for them in the way that I want to be there for them... Does this make any sense as I doubt he would make sense of it!!!😆

I'm bi and when it comes to guys i prefer studs and with women i prefer plus size or curvy women

Congratulations, you have brought me to tears. I want a relationship like this, emotional closeness without romantic or sexual expectations. Thank you a million times for making and posting this. ❤

I'm not sure if I'd call my experience "alterous" or not... I'd describe my feelings as "being in platonic love" with them... but this was EXACTLY what it was like to confess these intense non-sexual, non-romantic, feelings of love that equaled or even surpassed those I had for crushes and romantic partners. The fear of them misunderstanding your intent or being weirded out is REAL. Even more so when there's two of them, and they are dating each other. Like, I'm still amazed they heard me out and accepted my feelings. Heck it seems like they're... reciprocated? O_o. Still very new. Things DID change... but mostly in that I just feel like I have permission to say how I feel and express more physical touch. (I have sensual attraction to both of them too)

I'm just now figuring this out in my 30s. I think that what I always thought were typical crushes and romantic attraction were what felt to me like more of an unexplained and indescribable soul connection or bond. Like a love at first sight kind of reaction, but soooo deep it's scary and painful to be separated from them. And because those feelings would almost always happen with men, I just figured I was hetero and boy crazy. But after years of trying and failing to make conventional relationships work the way I'd always seen them modeled, I've realized that the idea of romance and physical intimacy (even with the people I have those intense feelings for) makes me *extremely* uncomfortable, and I would rather engage in sexual activity privately. So I started thinking I might be some kind of aro/ace and just refined from there as I learned more. I thought I was quoiromantic at first, but I saw someone suggest alterous attraction in response to someone else's questions and it feels like a better fit.

9:17 wait I was supposed to have already figured out what alterous attraction is

i have these feelings for some people. I'm bi tho so I'm not sure

Grey aroace, Demiplatonic, Pansensual,and Panaesthetic

Well this perfectly describes what I've been trying to sort out regarding my close friend. I def want to be more than friends but also am okay being close friend but also want to be more than friends. ugh.

This is years late, but as someone who has a sibling who is Non-binary, this is a W video. Also, Collector is one of my favorite bosses!

is it possible to have romantic attraction but no sexual attraction to one gender and the opposite to the other ?

I think it might just be a deep appreciation for the deep friendship or what y’all think

Thank you so much, this video helped a lot. I hope it blows up, it's made very well and deserves more attention. This kind of attraction fits me, and I really like the SAM model. I'll try to explain how I feel here, just in case it helps someone else. Wall of text incoming: - I've had two crushes before, but the feelings were very murky. Sometimes I'm certain they were crushes, other times I thought maybe I just wanted to be really good friends with them. What I can say for sure is that feelings I had were definitely different from that of my regular friends. - With these two crushes, I liked physical contact and affection from them more than others. I always looked forward to seeing them over my other friends. But did I want to kiss them, date them? That's debatable. - I was never nervous around them. It was actually the opposite - I felt that I was more comfortable, that I could be more myself around them. Some people describe having crushes as a pain. Something like, "Ugh, I have to deal with this too now? I want to go back to being normal." But there was not a single thing that was unpleasant about mine. I liked having them. - This is the biggest thing - I noticed that the possessive aspect that seems to be such a core point of romantic relationships ("you're mine, and no one else is allowed to have you") never resonated strongly with me. If they're happy and I get to spend time with them, I'm happy. I do want a partner, but what's most important to me is that my partner loves me, not that they love ONLY me. This, along with the next point, are probably what confused me the most, because it seemed like being at least slightly jealous and possessive was a requirement for romantic relationships. - This ties into the last point, but I've never fully understood cheating and why it's something people have such strong reactions over. Like, the people could have been in a happy long term relationship, and then one of them does something as small as kissing someone else at a club and it's suddenly over and both of them are miserable. If they start distancing themselves from you for them, that's a different thing and it would hurt. But if it was just a kiss, just a hookup, and nothing else, why would you throw away a deep, emotional connection over that? If they treat me with the same love as they did before, I don't see how it matters.

I am Aroace I feel little romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction and very powerful platonic attraction

I still don't really get it, i'm aro but isn't this just describing someone experiencing a mix of platonic and romantic/aesthetic attraction? Or just a weak form of romantic attraction? Or even a strong form of platonic attraction?

We are human. We are social creatures. It’s cute that you young people are making up all kinds of pointless terms to try to pigeonhole the fact that people simply like to be around other people for a variety of reasons. It’s not complicated.

it sounds very like what "romantic friendship" means

Hi!!!! THX!!!!! i found out that i am analterous because of you! ❤

I just had this convo w my bsf a week ago and I’m so happy she’s chill. I love her to bits! Anyways we didn’t want anything to change really but I want to call her my partner. She’s ok with the term but isn’t ready for the social pressure which I feel also. We just don’t wanna be bound by our actions meaning specific attractions I guess? I wanna hold her hand and tell her how much I love her! We’re gonna be roomates one day! Anyways, we’re really compatible and I’m so happy we’re in a place comfortable enough to have these conversations!

loved the practical call to action, but I'm a bit worried about your singing voice, it sounded more like screaming than a well suported note and that could really strain your vocal cords in the long run. Try to look up some excercises to sing loud without screaming

Well... shit

Getting a bit emotional while watching this, tysm for making this 😭💞💞💞💞

I find it so funny that i have alterous attraction and it was coiner by someone schizotypal And i might be schizotypal

Oh my gosh i have alterous attraction its so good to find a video Sadly i found it through a QPR video since my best friend is queerplatonic

this is both relatable and incredibly confusing :/ I definitely relate to some both I think it’s a mix of alterous and aromantic (I identify as bi aroace) irl “crushes” don’t feel platonic or romantic but I don’t think they fall into any other attraction categories or count as “squishes” so alterous makes sense definition wise but my experience also seems very different from the video one 😅 (there’s probably a spectrum tho). Ty for sharing ❤😵‍💫

10 seconds in and oh god that definition sounds like me- edit: (pretty sure it’s me) thanks for sharing this!!! I’ve recently identified as bi aroace since its most comfortable and (I was actually talking to my counselor about this the other day) I feel like the “bi” part is describing an attraction that isn’t really platonic or romantic-I’m just drawn to people in an undefined way but I don’t particularly desire to be great friends with them, or to hug/kiss/get in a relationship with them and it’s been confusing. I probably won’t change my label but this was really reassuring to see because it’s so similar to my own experience ❤

got the fattest alterous crush / mesh on my friend rn lmao im probably gonna send her this video at some point if you see this wish me luck unless its her reading this, in which case... i hope ive already told u myself...