Dating as an aro/ace person. Why bother?

[@0racle.sunrise3570]

I don't consider myself in the aro spectrum, but I'm also tired of people believing that romantic relationships are the strongest (especially if sexual desire is involved, this further pisses me off as someone who's ace-spec). People seem to treat being single as if it meant "dying alone &unfulfilled", but having loving friends/family, pets (if optional), a steady job and fun hobbies in your life doesn't sound "alone and unfulfilled".

[@WapTek123]

for some its hard to admit that , the only thing that would "make" them stay in a relationship is the mating instinct ,

[@younscrafter7372]

Agreed, sexual desire doesn't make a relationship stronger. If anything, it's the other way around, at least in fiction.

[@thekirbycrafter7229]

I feel that. If you want some two cents from a straight though, I will say while most people (the STRAIGHTS mostly) think being single is unfulfilling and lonely, I can vouch to say that being single is definitely not unfulfilling. Its honestly very telling of someone's character when they say it would be an unfulfilling life, but I can empathize with those who can say its lonely. For me especially, I'm not currently living nor am I intending to live near my family and friends for the rest of my life. I just have interests that require me to be sadly away from my home or else I wont have the opportunities or experiences I want. Being single for me does feel lonely to an extent, since I don't have anyone to come back to at home nor will I if Im still single in the future. Even if I have friends to hang out with, it may not be that way in the future, since people's lives change. So for someone like me, being single can lead to "dying alone" even if I have loving friends and family because I'm not with them a majority of my life anymore. Im not saying this as a rebuttal, but just a two cents from someone who is afraid of being romantically alone.

[@ototurmanidze5578]

well alastor is doomed forever if he is aroace and cant find love

[@0racle.sunrise3570]

@@ototurmanidze5578 1, love doesn't always have to be romantic & not everyone needs a close relationship with people. 2, he was a serial killer & is an overlord in Hell, he's already doomed 😆

[@anxiousoptimism5517]

I long for intimate connection while also not wanting sexual interaction. I also have no interest in romance either. I still think it would be fun to do some romantic things but in a platonic way. Like celebrating valentines day. I still long for intimate connection. I know there are queerplatonic relationships but I haven't found much, if any at all, information about queerplatonic dating. I want someone to have a deep emotional bond and trust with and one day raise kids with, no romance or sex required.

[@ArtemisMunoz]

I hope you can find what you are looking for 💚

[@larsmannuggets]

I dated an ace/aro with ADHD for 6 months. One day I'll get 20 texts and meet 3 times a week. Then nothing for a week and not see eachother for 6 weeks. Communication was a nightmare. I ended it after being ignored for 3 weeks.

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Communication is important in any relationship, romantic platonic or otherwise. As an aspec ADHDer who has sometimes forgotten important people in my life... I’d say this is much more of an ADHD problem than an aspec one - still not a fun time for either of you I expect! Hope you have found yourself more fulfilling relationships these days 💚

[@VioletEmerald]

@@ArtemisMunoz Completely agree with your response.

[@-kranberry-6097]

I am completely 100% in love with someone who I believe is aroace. They have this bracelet thing that’s the pan flag bc they’re pan, but they started wearing another one that’s the aroace colors and when I looked up those colors and found out what it means I could literally feel my heart snap in two. Not because I’m homophobic towards aroace people or anything, I just realized that theres probably no chance of my feelings ever being returned. Plus, up until now I was feeling rather confident on my chances.I wanna cry.

[@ArtemisMunoz]

If they’re wearing a pan flag then they probably have some sort of experience of attraction that’s strong enough for them to want to note - even if non-sexual/romantic. I recommend looking into “oriented aroace” and “alterous attraction” and also chatting to them. There are romance favourable aros and sex favourable aces. Even if you don’t feel the same things for each other it’s possible you still want the same things from a relationship but you won’t know unless you communicate with them!

[@orionyxe]

Edit: Wanted to add Artemis makes a good point :D you never know unless you communicate I’ve been having a similar experience with someone exploring their identity and now identifying as aro. Despite being arospec (demiromantic) it hurts a lot to know there’s basically 0 chance of them ever reciprocating romantically. I hope you’re doing better now and you’re not alone

[@annaparke414]

You never know unless you ask. I thought i never wanted to date, and i was happy with that, and i thought id never like someone like that. But recently a new friend asked me on a date and i was quite happy to say yes. Im still arospec but i do like them back. And yes, it was very unlikely id say yes, if theyd asked a bit later (i wouldnt want to disturb the friendship) or earlier (they asked right after this great group hangout/sleepover where i realised if i was to date anyone then id want it to be them. I actually said no at first but after having time to think on it, i changed my mind. It can never hurt to ask, just make sure its clear to the other person that its okay if they dont reciprocate/dont want to date/want time to think on it.

[@Mx.Canada]

My partner came out as Aro/Ace to me, I'm trying to learn more about it and your video gave me a bit of perspective on it, thanks :3

[@EzStAR13-i2l]

I am Aroace I feel little romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction and very powerful platonic attraction

[@monokromity]

WOW. This is so new to me, I'm dating someone and we are both struggling with being aro / ace and we had no idea that relationships worked outside of romance / sex, I've been shown a whole new crazy side of things. Thank you :D

[@exeryn2175]

okay, so i am having a bit of trouble. my friend is aroace, they are very sweet and kind and everything I would want in a person. They asked me out yesterday because they had feelings for me and they said this was a first time in a long while that they've felt this way, but I rejected them even though I feel the same. My reasoning for this is because in a relationship, I want some sexual things in it because thats just how I am. Knowing that they are asexual is why I don't think we would work out at all, I don't know if I'm in the wrong or what but I need some advice. Everyone in our classes knows how much we like each other and it's frustrating.

[@blergelboy1903]

Speaking from an aroace perspective, most people under the aspec umbrella understand your apprehension. It makes total sense. But, it may be best to at least communicate honestly, even if it might not result in a relationship. Both you and your friend's feelings are worth the awkwardness! Anyway, I hope it turns out in the best way possible! Good luck (*´∀｀*)✨

[@ArtemisMunoz]

There's no wrong in being clear about your needs and your boundaries. If you're still confused maybe this is something you could talk through with them? You never know exactly what THEIR wants/needs/boundaries are until you've had that discussion. Regardless, sending you the best vibess

[@exeryn2175]

@@ArtemisMunoz Okay, a month later because I was in a crisis of trying to get a good grade on my finals but: me and the other person are close friends now..although they claim to still have feelings for me, let me explain: so basically I immediately took your advice and had that conversation with them! But they have made it very clear that they want little-to-no sexual interaction inflicted on THEM. Yet..they told that they were willing if they to do anything sexual, it would only be pleasing me. Now, I have no problem with that..but I just can't do one-sided activities! I have things I want to do with my significant other and I just don't think it's going to work out. In order to protect us both and how much it really hurts me, me and this person have to remain friends. We talk all the time, were really close, and yet everyone still things we like each other and or dating..once again, I'm stuck in pickle but your advice really helped because it was a long deep discussion. Thank you!

[@saraf5651]

I've dated a few people before, none of them was because I genuinely liked them, it was for fun. (Guess i was a playboy my whole life, huh?) But recently I got into this relationship with this boy for fun and later realized I like him, now I'm aroace so it's getting me suuuuuper confused if it's romantic, I'm pretty sure it's not though.

[@ArtemisMunoz]

There are many different kinds of attraction so it need not be romantic. (I've got a video on alterous attraction if you think that might be useful kzbin.info/www/bejne/ioTFamVve7iCntk) But if it is romantic that's cool too. Sexuality and romance can be fluid and some evolution over time is super valid. Wherever you end up sitting with this I just hope you find a space of contentedness with it

[@saraf5651]

@@ArtemisMunoz Thank you! I'm Asexual, Aromantic, Panplatonic, Pansensual and Panaesthetic!

[@aro988]

We should have a we should have a Aro and ace dating app

[@aitanabrooks614]

Frl

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Some sites exist I think but honestly I think they’re too underused to be of much worth

[@mylife-23]

I think I'm on the Aro spectrum but I'm having a hard time figuring out exactly where I am on it. Any tips ? 😟

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Honestly, same. What is romance am I rite? I guess I just landed in a place where I'm content enough calling myself both aro or arospec interchangably. What I think is more important to me than knowing exactly where I sit is knowing that wherever it is, there are others in the same boat. Sorry if that's not helpful at all. Best of luck finding the words that fit! And Happy Aro Week!

[@mylife-23]

@@ArtemisMunoz 🌻😊

[@icedragon2030]

I just started dating a aroace person as a asexual, so I got really confused how a relationship could work the romantic attraction, so thanks for helping clear this up, I’m just a little confused is all 😅

[@dibri]

the thumbnail is perfect. keep this up

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Thank-you! ' Tis the intention :D

[@odell3651]

Feeld is a good app for enby/a-spec people if it's used by others in your area. Lots of options for gender and sexuality labels. I'm non-binary and ace as well and I found one of my best friends on there! Most people are on there looking for kink or poly stuff, but I've seen a ton of people just looking to build their personal queer community through friendships too.

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Thanks for the recommendation! I've since left Hinge behind me, perhaps I should give this one a go :)

[@marlenesailly2050]

you're videos are always mind blowing for me as an aro ace person still discovering myself. Thank you so much for your content

[@anjachan]

I date as long its not a date 🤣

[@ArtemisMunoz]

🤣

[@lenapoolaw211]

Maybe you can give me some advice. I'm aromantic, possibly demi-romantic as I do remembering crushing on two kids in school, though that could've been because they were the only kids I really enjoyed interacting with so I might be confusing it with a crush, but I also like the idea of having someone to cook for, and cuddle with. Someone to share my favorite video games, or see their favorite video games, and we play together. But 1. I like my space, and my free time. A lot of the relationships I've seen/heard of have the couples interacting almost all the time. 2. I worry that even without desiring my own time to recharge from any social interactions, if I had a partner they'd feel neglected. Fun fact that idk if you know, people who desire a romantic relationship, but don't feel romantic attraction, are cupioromantic! And it has cute colors, two shades of light grey, and two shades of light pink.

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Hey friend, it may be hard to find something that exists outside of what is amatonormative but there are others who are also looking for something less conventional. Maybe look up Relationship Anarchy and see if any of those models work well for you?

[@Smokdopr]

U are literally me- aroace, cupioromantic, social anxiety, australian?,

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Aroaces who go on dates, sound off here!

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Me!

[@dibri]

do you tell them on the first date?

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Ideally I tell them before we even meet but if not the first date works too

[@PsycheAi]

I’ve been on dates, but I feel uneasy about it. Like maybe this is a waste of time-they won’t like me after a while.

[@that_one_shy_boy]

for me personally, as an aroace person i have to date someone on the aroace spectrum or it just doesn't work

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Hecking fair. I've actually come to different conclusion since making this video myself anyway. We all need different things at different times but I'm glad you've worked out what works for you!

[@mitchspencer7549]

Honestly, Artimus(sp?) I felt lonely for the first few years of my adulthood, being on the spectrum of autism. I had been utterly disinterested in being touched in any physical contact or locked into failed marriages and relationships that EVERYONE around me were in, I grew to appreciate solitude. Romantic love is, in the end, merely a chemical reaction which fades away over time. Being single has enabled me to have utter and complete control of my own actions and destiny. I no longer feel lonely and am quite satisfied not tying my future with another's, especially when our conceptions in America regarding romance are insanely pedantic and stupid. I simply do not understand the appeal of romantic relationships or sexual activity.... Seems like a waste of time and energy meant only for fools...

[@ArtemisMunoz]

I'm glad that you have found contentedness. That's such a delightful thing to hear. I'd be wary of calling others with differing experience pathetic or fools though. We all have different wants/needs and experiences and just as I'm glad you have found happiness through solitude, I similarly celebrate those who find it through their relationships with others :)

[@mitchspencer7549]

@@ArtemisMunoz you are probably correct. I am not very adept at socializing, so I apologize for my harsh language.

[@yeet6363]

Sounds more like pessimism or cynicism to me.

[@jerrimenard3092]

I did feel the special electric spark but it was not just lust with this person. I fall for people's brains and spiritual vibe first. I would say I am demisexual and not big into large displays of romance. I do enjoy sex though. This person I have a major mesh on is pansexual like me. Even if they don't want to hop into bed, I can get that part elsewhere. I am enjoying the bond we have. I am nobody's erotic gatekeeper. I like to share. After watching this video, I suspect that many Pansexual people on the ACE spectrum would be cool with a Poly situation in dating. Am I right?

[@staaron1704]

I’m the 700th subscriber.. it doesn’t matter but whatever

[@ILikeDC]

I think I might be aroace but i have a boyfriend that I do love I’ve seen people say you can be aroace and still date but I don’t know if my boyfriend knows this so im afraid of telling people because I think that they will assume that I don’t love my boyfriend and I feel that the aroace community might assume im lying I don’t know it’s weird

[@ArtemisMunoz]

There are many reasons to date just like there are many ways to love. I’m sorry folks have made you feel like you need to hide who you are. I hope you can find the best of both worlds soon enough.

[@cradica]

Same here, but I not sure believe I do believe I've had a crush on a girl once, but I didn't know her well. I just saw she had a pretty face

[@kellabdjfoo]

i def agree

[@RamonaGelosi]

Why people won’t read your profile? Wtf?

[@ArtemisMunoz]

Haha I feel like those who don't, might just be used to making very quick decisions. Or they don't know what certain words mean? I'm not too stressed by it haha - just need to be a tad more proactive at times :)

[@0racle.sunrise3570]

Yh, for some reason people don't do that, I don't get why 😐