Good advice! But raise your camera ;) We don't need to see inside of your nose while listening.

Yo creo que revivo la situación con mi padre en mi infancia. No creo que sea algo actual aquello de lo que quiero huir.

Limerence is crushing, soul destroying. You're life is ruined as long as you are in it's grip. My heart goes out to my fellow limerents out there. Walk tall...it will go away eventually.

Really well done video. Thank you.

Just out of curiosity: what is childhood? I mean, when does it end…11,12? When does a traumatic experience not count as being part of childhood anymore?

Too late did it lol he likes me back but is healing from a heartbreak and I live hours away so ultimately unavailable. 😭 I honestly was hoping for rejection so I can be free from him. It made me think more about the pain of us always passing each other and fantasize about what life would be like dating each other.* Sigh*

All it did was stroke his ego and I cried for weeks afterward

intermittent reinforcement from a narcicst , where they're sometimes warm and engaging and other times distant

I did no contact full on. I even deleted the LO’s friends too even though they did nothing wrong. it had to be done for my own mental health.

I’m not sure if no contact really helps. Because even if I have no contact with my current LO, after some time I will find a new LO. And it just can repeat over and over again. I think that no contact won’t help me over come limerence.

Lol, yeah, just quit your job. It'll be for the best, right? Mental health professionals are completely out of touch.

Good interview 😊 I had a limerent episode in the past, was obsessed with my LO, we got together and after a short while I was disinterested, I ended it. I've learned about myself that I'm emotionally unavailable. I keep working on myself continuously, it's been nearly 4 years.

Great conversation thank you so much !

I'm so happy I found this channel. Thanks a lot for creating it. It's so helpful ...

I know if I block him, I'll unblock him in time.

fuck it hurts

I knew I was in trouble when I had several nights without being able to sleep and was rerunning moments in my mind. Today, I advised my LO (who works in the next section to me) that we will be going 'no contact' on her return from Leave. This was not even a romance ... I'm 64 years old and have been married for 35 years ... while she is a 32 year old single Muslim woman who everyone at work just loves. She really doesn't need this workplace intrusive weirdness that I have brought to her. Somehow, I got this damn mind virus and have now deliberately outed myself (to my LO) so it forces me down the 'no contact' path. This was delicate because she works in HR. I have no idea how this happened but know I need to look at my own marriage, and start doing other positive things to work my way out of this terrible feeling. Today was a hard day ... but it offers some hope!

What if I am just ugly? Main reason I didnt receive love and therefore high probability of being in limerance.

The moment my limerence object passed me by several times one day I was cured of 3 months of limerence. The lo was playing hard to get before that day and was creating the fantasy in my head. Once he was around me that day I just stopped thinking of him instantly. I met the real one. So in a way direct contact helped me.

no contact didn’t help this one

I finally figured it out after 6 months of obsession , then ran across these videos,what an eye opener . I actually despise my obsession now. Not the kind of person I thought of in my fantasy. But it was a tough time getting through all of it, just thought I was in love. Powerful mind phuque,but I it can be done . Mind you I just went throught a divorce from a narcissistic. Life goes on as they say. Peace and love. Its tough .

Shame this guy gave up on this channel, it had a lot of potential. Sad

It happened during my depression. It was started off euphoric. It ended as the most traumatic experience of my life.

Is it limerence or twin flames? Im seeing both on my feed that is trying to give me another ultimatum of bullshit and illusions mixed into one again... im genuinely asking.

thank you! what if the limerent object is my therapist? who has been very helpful in my healing journey... in fact, the limerence has been like a doorway to my grief. and now i'm scared that if i quit therapy abruptly, i'm not going to find a satisfactory resolution for this coping mechanism

Not all LOs are narcissist at all. Not all of them or even most of them are using you for their own benefit and well being. Some of them actually are very well adjusted, balanced, educated, and come from "no drama" places. And some are actually very good looking to match their level headed personalities. Those are the ones I fall for, they are near (or seem to be) perfection - and they find my interests interesting. So it is important to get that (narcissist) part out of the way, and it goes against a part of this video. The other thing is, if both you, and the LO are single (Dr. Perl does mention this), then disclosure is not such a bad thing. Rather then flat out admit your obsession or limerence or having hard core crush, I decided to make a move, a gentle move that stated I wanted physical contact if not exactly sex. A light but unmistakable sexual pass. So then I got rejected but at least I did it and I know it is not happening. And so I like to think it made it easier for me to forget about that. Not forget about them but forget about physical contact unless by some miracle they change their mind which I do not expect at all. So maybe it is best to disclose and get rejected and then maybe find it a slightly easier path to moving on? If both of you are single then fine. If they (or you) are married, then it's a bit different of course.

I also told my LO that I had a minor crush, and I'm glad I did. It helped me move on from them, or at least move on the best I can or could at the time. I got rejected of course but it was still worth it.

5:30 attachment style

8:15

Disclose if you can. Get rejected. It will help.

thank you for sharing your jorney. Me and eventually more people can understand what your life may feel like, because a narcissistic bahviour is in the most cases similar. And what you told here, sounds very much as it is. Good luck on your path and stay strong.

Thank you for sharing this conversation. Very inspiring

Disclosed, lost, if you want to lose them then disclose!

So, what happens when your LO is, wait for it... your THERAPIST???!!! 😱

I disclosed to my LO a couple months ago. She's my boss at work. And for the past 2 years she had been constantly and consistently pushing and pulling me. I'd asked her out on a date 4 years ago and she agreed but then she ghosted me at work and became passive aggressive with me the next time i saw her. But after lockdown i tried to move on and keep distance, which was when her games started. She pulled me back in after i tried to resist it and i really started to suffer from limerence. I convinced myself that she feels the same way about me but she would never come forward and just admit it. She'd flirt with me and always try to get in my space and make me acknowledge her, but when i'd pull away or wouldn't reciprocate, she'd go passive aggressive and act punitively me. Only for the cycle to reset and happen again and again. For 2 years. She got promoted at the start of this year and became my boss, and she became harder to read as the hot and cold behaviour started to calm down. This sent my mind into overdrive, because i really wanted her. I just wanted to make her happy and treat her right as it seemed like she had been really hurt in the past. But when i opened up to her a couple months ago, she wouldn't acknowledge or take any accountability or responsibility for her actions in the past, and instead pushed me away and things escalated and the store manager had to get involved. Nothing serious, but i felt very exposed and uncomfortable about it all. I wasn't aggressive or confrontational in any way, I just wanted resolution and peace of mind and felt that if we could open up then we could leave it behind or take it somewhere if it was mutual. Now things can be really awkward at work. She's very hot and cold with me and i'm just trying to keep distance as best i can. Not initiating any conversation, keeping it purely work related and focusing on my job. But it has been really hard due to her inconsistent behaviour. I regret putting her on the spot like that, but i told her we can't be friends for my sake and so here we are. I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone now as i'd seen her on tinder and there was a guy waiting for her outside work last week, she's became very cheery at work and looking her best. That really destroyed me. My cPTSD kicked in full force and i started drinking after work all week and was having suicidal thoughts. Just got 2 weeks sick notice for depression as i'm going onto anti-depressants now and seeing her and knowing someone else is making her happy breaks my heart. When i saw that guy, i honestly saw myself sitting there waiting on her. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I've never experienced this before and never want to again.

"Mind virus." That's a great way of putting it. I hope you make more videos soon!

A comment to help boost the KZbin algorithm!

Great information. Thank you so much!

It's so painful I just want it to end 😭😢

Limerence sounds similar to being trauma bonded to a narcissist.

Disclosing was the only way to not chasing him anymore. I tried several times going no contact. But it did never work. So when I told my LO that I was obsessively infatued, I closed any door to further contact. I can pretend anymore that we are just friends. I don't regret. He was my first limerence experience. I wish that I'll not experience limerence again. It's too painful. But, if I do, I know better now. And I will cut out dry in the beginning. I did stay connected to my LO for 5 years. I want to break free and be able to have some reciprocicate love in my life. 😔

Trauma is a gift. Limerence can be a gift, if you have the right tools and perspectives to deal with it. The trick is not to cut off connection or avoid the person. That is just pushing the problem away without healing the tendency towards idolisation and need for validation. There is a reason the wounded healer is an archetype. Trauma can open the door to sensitivity and gentleness. Poison is medicine. And all emotions are a gift of you’re on a more spiritual path.

having gone through this horror 4 times in my life, i can compare limerence to a gothic horror story about attraction to an inanimate object , or to a dead corpse. as far as reciprocation is concerned, it's the same thing. in some worse cases, the person that you turn into a limerent object would prey on your life and emotions like a vampire. do yourself a favor: try to find out more about that person before any emotional commitment. you may find out that they are into things that you wouldn't tolerate in any other context.

Thank you 😢

What a lovely interview

shame is HUGE...and the mixing of limerence emotion and real care and concern for someone you love as a friend but gets sucked into this addiction...I am enraged and resent my parents for their poor parenting--even though I know they didn't intend to shape me with these wounds...

NAC supplement is fab for this issue.

I’ve gone from obsessing about a female 90% of the day to obsessing about her 50% of the day while I obsess about Limerence the other 40%

I have a suspicion that the source of limerence is trauma. Trauma+trauma bond=limerance. Thank you for this video.

Please make more videos. Im 23 and need to to get this under control