I know what you mean about feeling like you don't matter all that much and pushing yourself to get things done. I've always been like that too.

Burnout is brutal, but I've never been able to recover from it. It's like I'm a burn victim emotionally with permanent mental exhaustion. I wish I could make the demands on your life easier to deal with but a job would break me completely at this point.

Karen, You've helped me so much on my journey with accepting my autism, making sense of it, and shown me that I can go forward. Let me help you now. Not in that manly way of here's your one and only solution ;) but by sharing the process of what I have done and constantly have to do to deal with overload. To help calm the anxiety and my racing my mind, I also talk to somebody close to me and write it all down on a concept map / flowchart as we talk through it. As a male, I usually go straight into exploring conditional logical reasoning of "if, then" cause and effect thinking . Usually, writing it all out helps calms the anxiety. Sometimes, I even use prisoner dilemma strategies when the choices are very hard to make and costly. While sometimes talking it through alone helps, sometimes it makes me more anxious. I divert the anxious energy into working through all the scenarios on paper until I feel like I have optimized the best route/choices/ or things to focus on and have an answer. Presenting and explaining it all (in written form) to a partner so he understands what you are going through and struggling with will really help! You're on the right track about going to him! I find that it's the explaining to others aspect that helps me understand the overburdened scenario I'm in much better. Rewarding myself for writing it all down and praising myself helps tremendously. It sounds dumb; but I need it! When I confront the problem sooner than later and don't leave it for later, I reward myself with small things or treats. For depersonalization/dissociation, yeah, that was what I used as a boy and teenager to get through my mother's horrible 11 year struggle with and ultimate death from multiple sclerosis (MS). I agree, that it's a burden and useful skill at times. It's so hard to know what I actually want to choose sometimes, because I programmed myself not to be allowed to choose. However, when I start explaining the complex situation and options to other people, it usually starts to become apparent what the best path and options are. I think you are the right path to talk to your partner about it. Please let us know how it goes!

Some of these are cultural, or have other causes, so best to look for at least a few of them at minimum. I have very strong alexithymia, for example. I mostly lack awareness of my own emotional state, and when I feel something, it's just good/bad, not easily differentiable between specifics. I very well may be autistic, but such issues can also be related to traumatic childhoods. Which is the primary cause? Hard to say. This is more a warning for those that may be tempted to self diagnose off of such information, as it gets complex to do properly.

I feel just like that. It's incredible this was recommended to me. I just walked out of a great job today. Everyone and everything just keep pulling on me from all directions...I can't keep up with all of it. Sick, tired, depressed, irritated, mentally exhausted and anxiety high. I need a vacation from myself too, it's all just a tad too much to take some days

I asked my covert ex what is love? She said " it's an emotion". She used to always tell me I have to love myself first, and she had no concept of what it was. Neither did I until a couple of months ago. I know what it is and isn't now thanks to her.

Hmm..you are way more high functioning than i would assume from an autistic person..every autistic person ive met in real life barely speak and when they do its low functioning..could it be the way they are raised? Or is it a not everyone is the same type thing?.cus i dont think the ones i know could even comorehend the conversation.

I am easing out of burnout just now: prioritizing rest in small bits, at night with youtube sleep audios to ease anxiety, saying no to almost everything besides job, household, dogs, drinking more, eating healthier... I hope it is enough!

Hmmm I took a communication course and the information they gave me about people is that Most people are ready to reply before your done speaking But also while speaking most people make their point near the end of their statement So you can see the problem with that obviously I’m not sure it’s an indicator of autism or adhd if everyone does it…

Burnout for me is not just a personal, autistic issue. I grew up in a high achieving family that was constantly keeping up with the Joneses. It was just the expectation that I would juggle school and multiple extracurriculars. Later, I would later juggle work and hobbies. I eventually went no contact with my family - I am recovering from CPTSD. Once I know longer felt that pressure, the burnout started to diminish.

Not just work we need this also in divorces and custody cases about autistic people and how we are. I'm suffering in all areas because no one knows this and even if we explain we will get shamed, blamed, told we can't do that and we can't have this and that and or child and love the way we need. It's horrible!!

Yes, burnout, constant stress and being in fight/flight (and related states) takes its toll after a while, especially as one gets into middle age you start to feel it; and to develop sometimes chronic conditions that add to and feed back into pre-existing issues. Whatever healthy ways one can learn to relax, cope, manage before it becomes illness and further disability I highly recommend… not to sound grim.

I'm autistic too. I think the root of the problem is that you believe ( as majority of people in our current capitalist society) that your worth as a human is proportional to your production. We are not cogs in the machine. You must figure a way to generate money putting the LEAST effort as possible. That's the only way out this hole. We have the right to simply exist and breathe.

I understand that. I have had such severe burn out going back to college at 40. Even though I’m in a flexible schedule, I don’t know who to talk to, my request for neurodivergent assistance was ignored because I’m only diagnosed with CTPSD and not ADHD or Autism even though I’m having non verbal responses to the staff because they don’t understand the exhaustion.

❤ appreciate your share. I’m in burnout

Im not autistic and while I used to do it, these days I NEVER sugar coat the truth for people. I do this out of principle because all that little white lie does is delay the necessary solutions. Keep covering up the cold truth and it just builds up until the person is living in a false reality. I think autistic people probably just intuitively see this dilemma for what it is.

We really can’t slow down. If we do, we drown.

"My hobbies turn into things that burn me out" man, i feel this. It's what makes us initially amazing at new jobs and projects because of our 1000% focus, dedication and attention, and what makes us feel mentally shattered and trapped when those jobs and projects go for more than 6 months or a year.

I have a cycle of falling into severe depression/burnout every two years or so. If I can find a way to keep it away forever, I will let you know. Because it's always awful, and no amount of time off (if I can even get it) seems to help. It's a slow process sinking down, and it's a slow process trying to claw my way back out. But, for me at least, knowing what it is helps tremendously. Also, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to work during the pandemic. I was also "essential," working in senior living, and it still boils my blood when people talk about the shutdowns being a time of relaxation. It was the exact opposite of that.

Going through the same, giving myself more time and being kind to self while the completely necessary post evaluation of social people stuff that does not make sense at the time helps me be a just a bit curious about people again.

I feel ya~

I’m also in this very crisis right now! Hyper fixated for six weeks on one excel spreadsheet (it’s a good one), but now I realize nothing makes me happy, I’m isolated, suddenly agoraphobic, back on drugs and alcohol, unsatisfactory sleep, eating straight from cheese bars and rotisserie chicken, I have delusions that a saviour will come save me, I am not digesting important emotions. I am trying to stop the runaway train, I’d need a hug ;( Now it’s like my soul hole cannot be calmed down. I still did good deeds though, and I’m able to wash and pray and take care of my cat, but now it’s debt rising. New building owner, I shall go from alone in the building to 4 new neighbours, no idea what it’ll look like! It’s a lot of change so many new people I’m starting to smash my brain with weed so it restarts. I wish I could just enjoy a computer game…. I just can’t, like you I can’t just have unproductive entertainment! I am mixing things up a little to get out of this mess

Your ex narc also sounds like a psychopath as opposed to vanilla sociopath.

🥰🥰

I now can say that I've experienced burnout for a very long time and I relate to the feeling of not having enough time and I struggle with letting myself relax because I feel guilty. I also get exhausted very easily and it makes me so frustrated. I have financial problems because of unemployment and it's scary to loose control over your life. Thank you so much for talking about it!

I had a burnout that made it impossible to think and take decision, it would literaly hurt my brain, can't focus. And nothing was getting done, I could eat same thing for weeks that I can put in microwave 2 minutes. then all chores piled up for months, pile of dishes, even brushing teeth, etc. I didnt do anything for month and then when I was forced to manage stuff I was always overwhelmed and raging, I made small changes, especialy in my routines to get things done in a routine which doesn't require thinking. it was 2 years ago, it went away and I'm good now. I think dealing with the biggest source of stress I had helped a lot but was very difficult. ( conflict with neighbourg not respecting my limits ) Also, I was doing chores for like 15 minutes a day and it was a success. ( was better than not doing anything ) I also stopped playing a video game with friends that was just stressing me. I did some meditation-relaxation every day, when my stress was going up, to just calm my mind and then act, 2 to 5 minutes meditation before doing anything was the only way to get anything done. and then as soon as my brain get back in that overwhelmed mode I would get back to just sit down and relaxe. I also needed something like 3 nap a day. I used melatonine to sleep better also magnesium and L-Theanine during day which is in tea and help to reduce the rumination and automatic thought. It was a challenge to go through that but with many small changes, I'm now all good now ( 2 years later ) So maybe some elements of what helped me could help others.

Good call: sit down with someone who cares and make a plan❤

I 100% identify with this. I've just laid in bed all day so many times over the last few years. I was just getting better and then something else hit me (thought I had a partner but didn't)

A huge THANK YOU for your insights. I experience a lot of what you describe sinc I lost 2 Jobs in a row to circumstances that were not in my controll and I am not longer able to afford my flat in a few month when I dont find a job soon. I have an autism diagnosis since 4 years now. I now have a new doctor that interprets my "symptoms" as schizophrenia and is intrusively trying to talk me into taking Seroquel. I tryed them and I just felt terrible but he does not accept what I say. Every time I go to him I am more nervous and he sees even more psychotic behaviour in me and wants to talk me into taking his drugs more and more. My therapeut does not see any symptoms of schizophrenia in me and I dont see them too because I know people with schizophrenia and I am not in the slightest like them. Since I am broke af, he is the only doctor who is there for free of charge in my region. I feel so handed over. I am afraid of going to the doctor as I am afraid of not having a doctor I can go to. Our medical system in austria is broke af and I am terrible in organizing things and finding help. I hope my relatives can help me out of this circle, but i feel so much shame to ask them for help at the age of 42. I never thought I would end up in that kind of situation in my life since I had a decent job-carrer going before. Again, Thanks A Lot for your video/s which make me feel less stupid and helps me to understand whats going on with myself in this situation. 🥰🤗

hard relate. i'm a 50 card deck and i keep punishing myself for not having all the aces. some days i gotta be on my C- game and eat microwave dinner, and i'm learning that that's a strategy i need to use to protect myself and re-stabilize, rather than equating it to failure.

The very best wishes for you and your family, you're fantastic, thank you so much for your work, you're amazing!

💜 Thank you for opening up and sharing this. It’s very relatable. I don’t know how to stop either. But I have installed (practiced) a self-compassion switch in my brain so I know when it’s time to ease myself into a slower pace. Please make a series on this. It will help others and they can give you feedback to help you. Body doubling works.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, and I hope you are able to find a way to even things out a bit. thank you for sharing

I have burned out over and over and finally completely crashed. On top of that, a sleep test found obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), even though MDs were surprised because I’m thin🙄. I also have another comorbidity of autism, a genetic connective tissue disease that causes lots of issues (like OSA) and contributes to fatigue, along with allergies and MCAS and dysautonomia. It’s not easy to parse what causes what, but slowly I’ve learned to figure out (thanks to biometrics like Apple Watch or Oura ring), ways to help my body that then helps me deal with (increases tolerance) for the autistic overload. I hope this makes sense. None of these things were discovered until my mid-50s, so way too late for me. Should you decide to get checked out, at least you could be sure that something like a cpap wouldn’t increase your tolerance. There is finally some research interest into the physical comorbidities in autism, such as variant connective tissue, that helps put things together for me. Any presentation by autistic Dr. Mel Houser will explain this much better-she calls the set of issues her autistic family practice patients have “ All The Things.” I can’t recommend her talks highly enough. If I’d figured this out at your age I could’ve prevented my current state of a permanently low baseline. Best wishes and thanks for sharing your story. Stay strong

Get it. So so hard ….. 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙💞💙

"Hallmark of my personality..." Same here. Burnout is miserable and once it starts I feel paralyzed. Your insight so spot on. ❤

Thanks for the video. It seems really daunting to have to think about all this. But that is how it is whenever I learn how NTs are and it gets easier with time. Whan a person with autism doesn’t understand NT behavior, it is the autistic person’s problem; When the NT doesn’t understand autistic behavior, it is the autistic person’s problem. NT privilege. I expect this is true for anyone who is misunderstood by whoever has the power in a social situation, and so when it’s you with the power, you should be kind and seek to understand. But, the people who do this don’t need to be told and the ones who don’t want listen. It’s hard as an autistic person to know who to trust, but that’s what the onion layer model is for right? Anyway thanks, keep up the good work.

i have a hard time returning things, too...dont know why its overwhelming. seems so irrational, and yet...

Great insights! Really reflects my personal experience.

LOL. Ill ahve you know that i turn 40 this year and i FINALLY feel like an adult! LOL Just had to have my abusive narcissistic wife assault and subsequently financially abandon me and my two boys...but im feeling pretty damn adulty! Luckily i had two years of being a stay-at-home dad for practice!

I read online that autism now can be diagnosed by MR and also by studying a complex of genes. In the future maybe there will be MR and genom screening for narcism too (or does it exist already?). I hope there will be diagnostic ways and treatments for all invaliding or hurtfull neuro traits in the future.

💯

My advice to young autistic people, don't expect society to change. Try to work on the social part as much as possible, small talks, non-verbal communication etc. Life is not all a bed of roses for us, but it is in our hands to learn as much as we can.

When I was in school, I was told not to write “I think” because when I say something, it’s already a given that it’s what I think. So maybe it’s better to just say what you think instead of preceding it with “I think.”

I feel like a lot of people don't even listen to me. Probably because of how I communicate. I often speak and no one even acts like they heard me. Lol😅 idk. Probably cuz I talk too much and they tune me out. I seem to say often, "Did u hear me?"

Misunderstandings has been my life for 59 years. The more of your videos I watch, the more I say, "Hmmmm."

No idea if I'm on the spectrum or not; Genuine input, up front and natural trust between one another is key for me to connect, otherwise it's overwhelmingly a waste of time both metaphorically and physically. I tend to be misunderstood in general because I don't fit in any perspectives unless it's intuitive and instinctually taken in and usually comes off as silly or insane. I tend to understand others, and can likely have trouble getting someone who doesn't attenuate to details in understanding me or what comes next. I have some traits listed but characters are natural to me, including personas or split personalities and generally someone masking bugs me only if that person isn't self aware or aware that I can sense them wit glaring obvious energy.

I literally got written up at work because I was "too direct and honest" about how our program was going.

I've never been good at adult life but I've only gotten worse with time and I don't even know for certain if I have autism or not! No diagnosis but I found medication that could've helped 10 years ago but now it's like I'm too far gone for them to realistically help.

This answered so many questions. Thank you