How To Deal With The Lies Of Your Addict Significant Other

Рет қаралды 5,793

Put The Shovel Down

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 30

@sweetee109 3 ай бұрын

He pretends he doesn't know what I am talking about and will change the subject immediately. Makes my head swirl.

@samuelmath1723 3 ай бұрын

My father, a functional alcoholic, is exactly like that. He pretends it is his tinnitus, but I don't believe him a bit.

@eek42 2 ай бұрын

One thing that’s hard for me to understand is if I can ‘blame’ the addiction for the lying or if I should be worried that he’s dishonest generally about everything. Is he a dishonest selfish person and that’s why he’s an addict or did the addiction make him like this?

@LokiSherry 3 ай бұрын

I found this channel while looking for videos to help me determine if my boyfriend of 3 months was an alcoholic. Good Lawd! He has 99% of the red flags which is crazy for a new relationship. I left running after reading all the comments from people who have had to deal with this for years. He actually got mad at me for not standing by him and helping him. He's 60yrs old. Who knows how many decades he's had this problem which he denied until I broke up with him.

@lorimcdevitt1506 3 ай бұрын

Im interested in knowing what you found. Im figuring out A LOT after 20 yrs.

@lazyezmerelda 2 ай бұрын

Never thought my husband lied, ever. Til he lied to my face, and about whether he brought wine in the house. I didn't really care too much about the wine, really, it wasn't a big deal. I knew he had it in his packs, and he looked me straight in my eyes and lied, and he didn't lie once, he lied several times, trying to stop me, non chalantly from looking through his packs. Then, when I proved he had lied(not cruel, not mean, just matter of fact), he said, "there are just some things you don't tell your wife." This is after 28 years of marriage, seven children later, and he lied because of wine. After this, I realized he had lied to me for years, only he did it in ways that were more crafty and indirect, as he was hiding a 15 year drinking problem that nobody knew about, even though, the signs were all around us.

@thecraftymugger 3 ай бұрын

When I got sober, about 4 or 5 months in. I was talking to my alcohol counselor and I told a all out lie and caught myself and told her, that's a lie! Oh my goodness 😳 I was so used to it that I didn't even realize it and it came right out of my mouth! That was such a growing moment for me! Thank you for what you do Amber!❤

@LilT2o00 3 ай бұрын

I've never really had any reason to lie myself. I don't care if anyone knows how much I drink. It's self contained anyway. I live alone and don't drink until every one of my responsibilities for the day (work, gym, any promises/obligations etc.) then I come home and get sloppy drunk in my apartment by myself. If someone asks me how much I drank this week, I'll straight up tell them "little over a gallon of rum". I don't see the reason to hide it or lie about it.

@thecraftymugger 3 ай бұрын

You misunderstood my words. It wasn't about drinking that I lied about. I can't even remember what it was. My point is the alcoholic is so used to lying that it just comes naturally.

@LilT2o00 3 ай бұрын

@@thecraftymugger nah i didn't. it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm fine with telling the truth about my drinking. Nothing about my drinking habits gives me a natural inclination to lie nor a desire to lie. No feeling to hide or give half truths it just is what it is

@EverydayImmortal 3 ай бұрын

My husband has admitted to a lot of the lies he has told me, including pretending to have alternate personalities to avoid the consequences of his drug use and the actions he took because of it. For over 5 years. Also found out he's been doing drugs off and on throughout our whole relationship/marriage. I feel like I don't even know the person I've been married to and i don't know how i could ever believe a word he says about anything since he can lie to me so easily with a straight face.

@toddfather1971 3 ай бұрын

You won't ever believe him. Sorry

@toddfather1971 3 ай бұрын

You won't ever believe him. Sorry.

@KelseyAshley-q5y 2 ай бұрын

Same here 😢

@melissad.6722 3 ай бұрын

When my I sense something is "off" and tell them im having that feeling my loved one gets angry defensive and right into self pity. 😢

@justcece5709 2 ай бұрын

Mine is the deflector. When bringing up his alcohol or any other problem, he will always deflect. He’s now creating arguments between us so he can go to the bar and drink and won’t come home, leaving me to look after our 2 year old alone. He has no consistent job and when he makes money, 80% is spent on alcohol and gambling. I’m so drained and tired of all the gaslighting and mooching off me. He doesn’t pay for bills either and has to be asked (with a lot of fear) to do anything around the house to help. When he goes to the bars on the weekends, he won’t come home for about 24-48 hours. Won’t even answer calls or texts. I’m so so tired of this! If I kick him out and tell him he can’t come back, he will come by the house knocking and knocking until I answer (late at night usually). There is a lot of manipulation of “I have no where to go” and guilt tripping.

@vanessaramirez9870 2 ай бұрын

Start to planing for the divorce look for a job or move to a friand he Will destroy your mind wish all the best ❤

@JoyceSigns 3 ай бұрын

Excellent, practical advice that WORKS if you work it! I wish our addicted daughter's father could manage his hurt, anger, (and desire to be correct), long enough to reestablish communication with her.

@wm9346 3 ай бұрын

10 years after separation from alcoholic ex wife and I’m still running into the lies and traps she set 10, 15, 20 years ago to cover her tracks/actions/bad decisions.

@apostkate1356 2 ай бұрын

I have a very important question: My boyfriend said he feels more rush and fullfilment when he does his stuf and I do not caught them.. is it even worth to attempt invisible intervention? If I pretend that I do not see, will he ever stop?

@ColleenBalkin-v7v 3 ай бұрын

Loved this video. Excellent advice. Will put to good use.

@PutTheShovelDown 3 ай бұрын

So glad!😁😁😁

@jenniferchapman6400 2 ай бұрын

Just the video I needed today. Thank you!

@PutTheShovelDown 2 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

@davidcasson5602 3 ай бұрын

Hi Amber , good content 🎉,, I found ,, well it kinda links to your obsession/ addiction theories,, that it became obvious that she spent most of her mental energy,, intelligence,,etc ,,a full on pre occupation etc on defeating me ,, it’s was like walking into a mine field ,, predictably,, she would be too drunk to have a word with , if anything had happened or the prepared apology cycle would start.

@robins3672 2 ай бұрын

The most bizarre lie I experienced is when he was about 20 min late meeting me at a restaurant. He said he was on a call consoling his mother because his aunt died. Truth came out about 6 months later that his aunt did not die. When I asked why he lied about it he just got defensive and got angry with me. Said that it didn’t mean anything and that he doesn’t lie about things that matter. Gets angry for me because I don’t trust him. Really? Exactly, I don’t trust everything he tells me.