I use calmer ear plugs to block some of the background noise when my anxiety is up. Its crazy how much stuff i can hear and just dont realize im hearing until i take them out again. They only block certain frequencies, so you can still hear people. I dont notice the annoying little sounds, but i do have physical reactions to certain noises (which has been so much worse since i started down the "i might be autistic" rabbit hole) and the earplugs do help. I use the ones from Flare Audio based out of the UK (I think) but I've seen other influencers talk highly about the Loop brand too. I recommended them to a coworker with sound sensitivities too and she also likes them.

I'm really sorry you are having such a hard time with friends and family right now. It's a stinkin' hard time of year and there are so many expectations...I'm grateful I live across the country from my birth family and by necessity, my core family of 3 AuDHDs and 1 highly-introverted not-quite neurotypical will be on our own again, with just the 4 of us for the most part. Any interaction with friends is by choice and limited in time. Sure, I miss being part of big celebrations like we used to have when I was a kid--but also my memories of these are so spotty, due to the dissociation required to make it through. I prefer it as it is now, and I hope that someday you can have the gift of space and time when you truly need it, without arguments or obligations.

Thank you for sharing this, Courtney. I can 100% relate to what you’ve said about the challenges of being diagnosed later in life. When I was diagnosed with ASD Level 2 at 28, it helped me to understand the reason why the mask I’d been wearing had shattered-and why it couldn’t put it back on either. “Live your authentic life!” People say, but it’s not really encouraged. The relief of knowing why I had burnt out was mixed with pain of and relief. Autistic burnout is something we’re trying to raise awareness about here in Australia. It cannot be overstated-how painful and exhausting it is. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but if you’re going through it, please know it’s real and you’re not alone in your struggle. Regarding the ASD levels, it wasn’t until much later after getting my diagnosis that I learned these levels aren’t about defining you as a person; they define your support needs. Level 1 means a little support, Level 3 means a lot of support. Nobody really explained this to me when I received this diagnosis. Gaining this understanding has helped me to reframe how I see myself and my challenges. It was such a powerful statement when you said, ‘You need to accommodate yourself.’ That’s something I’ve been learning too-how to create spaces and routines that work for me instead of trying to force myself into environments not designed for us. Your video is such an important reminder that we’re not alone in this journey-thank you for expressing it so honestly. *thumbs up* indeed

2:55 I’ve not been assessed officially, just been going over things with my therapist (who has ADHD). But I think about so many things! Like the time in 4th grade when I said my red headed classmate reminded me of Pippi Longstocking from the story, and was baffled why it bothered her. And somehow that’s many things! I’m 52, so it’s a lot of things. Wishing you well in your self discovery 🫂💜

Thank you so much for what you said in this video.... 'not feeling autistic enough' some days, so relatable and imposter syndrome is so much more present some days.

if you are a PDAer, skip my comment. my unsolicited advice is to read the australian reframing autism website. they have a nice section on meltdowns and shutdowns. our time is now. we havent missed it. don't apologize, anticipate emergencies and prepare to protect yourself, give yourself what you need, don't gaslight yourself, create and heal in community. ❤

Hiiiii! Loved the video! Happy stimming sounds so cool as outro!! I can't wait for more of your videos, you're awesome

I do feel your pain and go through similar. The frustration, because no one 'gets it' is real. I am surrounded by neurotypicals and they are trying to understand but they just don't get it. My hubby said something to me that hit home though, which is that he is NOT neurodivergent and cannot ever fully understand my struggles as his brain works differently, same as I don't understand how neurotypicals can do stuff I find so hard!! People can try and understand but unless you are autistic, you will never fully get it. I am learning to try and explain my struggles and hubby is trying to understand, I am also trying to understand he doesn't fully get it and try to cut him some slack, as he tries to cut me slack. It's a huge learning curve for sure.

It's been just over a year since I realized that I'm autistic, and while I feel like I've grown a lot, I also feel like I am struggling more than ever, much like you said is the case for you. I have a well-paying full-time job, but I fantasize about quitting daily because it's put me in a state of perpetual burnout for the last several years. I'm holding on by a few threads at this point, but only because applying to other jobs seems even more difficult. Ideally I'll be able to become self-employed, but that is also extremely difficult when I'm already burnt out. It's finances that are tying me down right now.

I actually found your first video through reddit as I'm currently in the beginning stages of getting an assessment myself. After watching this one I just wanted to leave a quick thank you for sharing your experience with the whole process AND an update too! I'm beyond anxious, and the imposter syndrome is real, but I deeply appreciate the realness of everything you've shown <3 much love!

I'm really glady that you made this channel for autism. You were one of the youtubers that got me going on the official diagnoses. My father is a psychologist and don't accept my diagnoses, I had a meltdown and got really mad, he came to apologise for "barrier breaking" wich makes it worse, because I just want to be accepted, cause I can't work(wich is a big deal for him). The thing is, I didn't ask to being born, my life have being a torture after torture and he made it all worse, I got negleted and abandon and everything I do just get things worse. Soo yeah, fuck it, I'm living wherever I want for now on, just let me be on my room and don't mess around if you don't want to find out. Oh yeah, I got my official diagnoses one week and a half ago, but just got this backlash last week. Yes, I'm mad, angry and disapointed, I didn't contribuited to the world get this messy, soo, I'm not cleaning, I tryied to help, but got ignored, if they don't want to listen, go on, I'm not saying anything anymore. We are just the mirror of our envieroment, and our families don't like what they see. It's not our fault that they suck. We got negleted, ignored, made of scapegoat and when we respond we get pointed as wrong or bad people. We were just trying to surviving imitating them, now they'll have to find another scapegoat to be their sacrifice, I'm done. I know that I generalised us in my text, but I think a lot of my autistic fellows got in the same mess. Thank you for sharing with us Courtney, I really appreciate your work and honesty about your feelings and experience ❤

I keep granola bars in my bedroom closet. If my husband has his friend over, and I'm done and can't people anymore... I don't have to leave my safe space😁

😊💕🙏

I understood that 'strange' sentence before you finished it 😊

This, all of it. Due to my hypermobility, I have been suffering from chronic pain for years, which doctors always dismiss. Especially now at Christmas, as a small business owner, I always have so much to do that the stress gives me pain relapses. I have just been to a chiropractor who has dismissed my hints to hypermobility. I just want to be able to live in peace. I don't know how to make the doctors understand that i'm really suffering and don't just want to get free massages. I hope you feel better and I send a virtual hug. It really helps me to hear from others that feel like me. I'm not really a spoon person, by the way. I always see it more like a life meter or an energy meter in a PC roleplaying game. For different things that happen, different amounts are reduced. For example, it makes a difference if you run fast or slow, or if you get hit by an enemy. I use different amounts of energy for everyday things like work or going to the doctor drains everything fast.

11.20 ish turn theory is a big thing. I was way older than I want to admit when I realised what I meant when I silently screamed to myself 'when will it be my turn'. Boundaries and nurturing my inner child helped me cope but I still feel the feels. It's just a little easier now to manage & create my own space. Best of luck with your journey. This time of year sucks balls - I'm in Australia a land where Christmas, end of school year, big summer holidays, heat waves and bush fires all come together 😅

Omg the dog is adorable :D

I love your video! You hit the nail on the head! I subscribed because you truly understand my brain. Thank you!

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Yeah, being seen as a monster instead of someone in these is super messed up, but super frequent 8:00

Groupert knows you are upset and is trying to help . . . . it can be so annoying. My baby dog does the same thing. Thank dog for unconditional love, of a certain sort.

Using a stuffed animal as a pillow is peak autism chilling vibes!

I was diagnosed a little over a year ago at 43, but my diagnosis wasn’t a long assessment, rather a PA who had spent 20 years working almost exclusively with Asperger’s (formerly, now ASD1) adults, and he recognized it in me immediately. He diagnosed me quickly and confidently, but I still struggle with imposter syndrome. I was very high masking and lower support needs my entire life, but with extreme effort, until I collapsed and couldn’t work anymore around the age of 34. Then I ended up with severe endometriosis that resulted in early menopause, followed by Covid restrictions and a ton of moves, being forced out of my childhood hometown and away from everything familiar, and I started having overt meltdowns regularly for the first time in my life, and finally realized they weren’t panic attacks, and seemed to be symptoms of autism. One of the few things that has helped me to not question the diagnosis is that the accommodations and strategies that are recommended for autism are the only things that have ever been effective, and have actually helped me. All of the autism treatments work for me, while typical mental health treatments either didn’t help, or made me worse. So I try to remember that fact when I’m doubting myself 🤗🩷

Amennnnn

Thank you so much for sharing your experience.Your video helped give me the courage to get assessed.

Thank you for being real and honest. Thank you for pointing out the very real struggle that there's this movement to encourage unmasking, yet, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE ME IF I UNMASK! You said it perfectly, trust me, I'm fully aware of how I come across

What is the green stone around your neck? Tourmaline?

I guess I don't really relate to impostor syndrome. On the self-tests I'm about 2 points into the normal spectrum. I know the things that are autism-related in myself, and the things that aren't. I mean it IS a spectrum. I have no particular attachment to the label, and since most people don't know a damn thing about autism, it's not really a very good label anyway. I just don't talk about it with almost anyone, unless for some reason they actually have some understanding of what autism is. The only person who has actually understood what I was talking about has an autistic son and has studied it. He knows how I fit into the spectrum, because he knows me. My family certainly understands some of my limitations and problems, and accepts them, but labeling them autistic doesn't add much useful understanding to what they already know. And they aren't really interested in me explaining it either. It would be nice to feel a little more "seen," but for better or worse, I gave up on that about fifty years ago.

I don't understand the logic of people who think you are not autistic or think that you are pretending or exaggerating your behaviour and needs. Why do they think you would be faking or exaggerating something that causes endless interpersonal conflict, rejection and stigma? Who would make their own life that difficult on purpose?