You are very welcome and thank you so much for your support of my channel/work!

You are more than welcome -- I think finding other voices that can help us increase our insight and skillset is so important so I am grateful to know this has had a positive impact on you and your shame resilience journey.

It's weird how sometimes a simple reframe of something we already "know" can help us see it differently. I still lose track of the idea a lot especially when my shame kicks up but I try to keep anchoring on the limits in what we have and w hat is important and I cant lose my time to the fears that I will disappoint other people when I know I am just trying to be a good person who also shows up for herself.

But wow does our shame brain try and convince us otherwise. I try and remind myself of this regularly when I find I am not asserting myself or feeling like "how do they not know"

I have to tell myself this everyday and it can still get lost in translation. At least for me, the biggest factor fighting against it is my shame and this idea that I owe my time and energy to others as opposed to taking care of myself. I don't want to be perceived as mean or uncaring but in not showing up for myself I am both mean to myself and over time/inadvertantly to others because I end up resenting them for not setting the boundaries I needed in the first place.

Thank you so much for your kind words!

It's such an important perspective shift that gives me more grace and compassion not just for others but myself too. My current goal is to learn to function at 80% until it becomes my new 100 because I have accepted that 100% as it stands in my brain now is unhealthy and all driven by shame.

It's one of the hardest roles to take on when it comes to time. The reality is that whether we have kids or not, we all feel like our time is pulled in a million directions and there will never be enough time to feel like we can get everything done. That is not a bad thing. That is just a neutral fact. We are always having to make choices about how we show up, what we do and the way we live our lives. Kids are an added layer to that as we are in a position we feel like our time becomes someone else's. Its totally normal to feel the time pressure and the key is to not let our storyline be that we are constantly behind or that we don't have time for "X" or "Y". There will always be moments the reality is, time is a limited factor, we had to make a choice and there wasn't time enough to do it all. But we also can't let time be the excuse or avoidance strategy for doing the things we want and need to do for ourselves.

I am so glad you found something helpful in your journey! This is one of the hardest and yet most important principles and skills for shame resilience and even as a therapist with over 10 years of work into my own journey, I still have to come back time and time again to reecenter myself on this practice.

Im so glad you found it helpful! This is something I have had to work very hard at keeping separate in my mind as a means of continuing to pen dialogue with others, come from a place of responding and not reacting or assuming and build connection rather than resentment.

@@adversityrising Yes! Exactly. Phew your video is helping me do the same in understanding misunderstandings!

Thank you so much! I am so glad you find this resonating with you. One of my goals is to create accessible content via KZbin and my podcast, Untethering Shame, to support people in their shame-resilient work. I am a licensed therapist, but I work primarily in the coaching realm now focused on different program offerings and individual coaching, primarily in the online sector. Here is a link to my podcast if you want to check it out: open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=c57d8daa3bdd4cd2

@@adversityrising I will check it out! Thank you !

It is - it's like we think holding on to all of our "wrong doings" and missteps is the only ay to hold ourselves accountable or "be better" but all it does is keep us trapped in believing what our shame brain tells us and makes it hard to see that we can evolve and become stronger versions of ourselves.

Gosh that sounds like a lot! I think the biggest thing when we think about not doing it all is being okay when you have to take a break or when you need to step away from a task, invitation or relationship because you just can't take everything on. You have been tasked with a lot being responsible for yourself in that capacity and there is likely baggage you carry and pressures you have internalized to be and do and act "X" which you are allowed to let go of. Keep taking each day a step at a time and remind yourself that it is okay to be exactly who you are without feeling like you have to do or be more to be worthy.

Glad it resonated with you!

I'm so glad!

Thank you! Ugh, me too. It's definitely gotten easier to challenge that thinking but my brain still really likes to try and take me there.

@adversityrising We are passengers to the subconscious but we can grab the wheel sometimes ❤️

I'm so glad you found it and hope this and other videos I have on here can be a support to you in your shame resilience journey!

That can be really hard and filled with a lot of different routes of insight building, emotional validation & processing and ultimately healing. I have a lot of different videos that can help you practice DBT skills for regulation but I think sometimes learning more about shame and the ways it can lead us to be reactive, where it comes from and the impact it has on how we view the world can be helpful. I would suggest starting with these videos: - kzbin.info/www/bejne/raWvaoRtmMtgrJI&t - kzbin.info/www/bejne/bZvLfWeoabWgi9U - kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIKVZqCLhMZnl9E You could also look at the full playlist "Addressing Shame" which includes these and other videos: kzbin.info/aero/PLOd-uDZRqnOEPo2RX5g0oPEVKUiWSrten

Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words and am grateful for people like you who are so committed to living a life that creates those impactful ripples.

I'd love to hear more about your idea and what you want me to talk about on a future episode! So much of where the conversation goes is based on who the guest is and where their expertise and intersecting identities lie so when I know what people are looking for, I can absolutely seek out guests who are a good fit for the topic!

No, def not but it is so easy to get stuck there when it feels like your identity becomes about your trauma. Your brain is just trying to find a way to have validity in the world and has lost sight of how hurtful it is to enmesh the self with the trauma because it feels like it is all that part of your brain knows.

I love that way of putting it --> where your focus goes, energy flows. This is true for so much of our lives -- fear, shame, resentment...and why it is important we develop the notion that we have the power to change our focus. We can't always change our thoughts, but we can change our relationship with them.

What a powerful reflection! It is so hard to navigate all of those dynamics and the underplay of shame, loneliness and insecure attachment styles that come from all of those early dynamics in life. It sounds like a lot of the pain is tied into this belief at least part of your brain has that you are allowed or moreover, deserve to be treated like garbage even though there is a piece of you that can see you deserve better. It's an acceptance or a tolerance of what you assume is the best to hope for. And that is hard to break. We can tolerate being treated so poorly and even feel that sense of righteous anger but somehow get stuck there. It sounds like you are doing the work to get started in all of this. Remind yourself, change takes time. You are not broken and you will walk through this. You just have to take it 1% at a time. You might find some of the episodes on my podcast, Untethering Shame, helpful including the episode that is set to be released tomorrow on shame & healing our inner child. You can check out the podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=bc67ae6d8dca4d65

Thank you so much for sharing those resources. And what a powerful step to take. Making the shift from external to internal validation and approval is such an important part of the work albeit one of the most difficult things to take on.

Great question -- thoughts and beliefs are two distinctly different concepts. Thoughts are just fleeting ideas or pieces of information. We can react emotionally to them, but they come and go and can be all over the place. We have on average 10's of thousands of thoughts in a day and they simply come and go. The other key piece is that we cannot control our thoughts. Beliefs on the other hand are thoughts we latch on to or that take root. They become tethered to our deeper thoughts, convictions and in turn, actions. You can have a thought you are stupid, dumb or less than and be upset by it but move on. But if you believe you are stupid, dumb, or less than, then it will have a much bigger impact on how you show up and live your life.

It sounds like this was a heavy experience for you to sit and really reflect with this video. AND it sounds like that reflection was really powerful for you to begin to think about next steps in terms of your work. It is never easy to realize how much of our suffering, wants and even success is out of our control especially when we haven't had the opportunity to really root within ourselves in a meaningful way. It says so much you are allowing yourself to reflect on this and begin to see where those lines of healing and internal boundaries need space to be processed and to develop. Keep taking in the information in bite sized chunk and allow yourself to sit in and reflect on what is coming up for you in each moment. And then find someone you trust to help take you from this state of awareness and reflection to healing.

That's one of the hardest things in the world - to see your loved ones hurting or stuck and not being able to get them out. We just want what's best. And, one of the hardest realities is that we can never be the hardest working person for someone else's life. They have to be. Sometimes they can't do what we want them to do. Sometimes they don't want to. Our job is to then decide if we can love them as they are and then set boundaries for how we show up to and around them and the relationship. I made a couple of videos about this awhile back because it is something I struggle with even still: - kzbin.info/www/bejne/iKasgaGmga1lq9E&t - kzbin.info/www/bejne/jGGUp3l_a5WpgNE

I can completely understand that feeling. I wonder what it would be like to let yourself not be fine. Even just to say, "I'm having a hard week" or "I'm exhausted" if nothing else. Giving yourself permission just to own that will also help you not feel like you have to pretend all of the time both at work and when you leave.

First accept every single one of those flaws right now, and then choose the ones that u think u could potentially change in the future, such as body, or some bad personality traits, and then work towards changing them, maybe u succeed, maybe u fail, but at least u can say you tried and that's a way better outcome than being on ur death bed living with the regret of not trying but also all that pointless stress that just multiplied your problem. l'm also artistic thinking and socially awkward as well as introverted, with a average Penis but these are things we cannot change, this is simply who we are and there are a billion people who have a smaller one than us, and there are a billion who have a bigger one than us, all we can do is be the best versions of ourselves by changing what Is possible and accepting what is not

Unfortunately not. You can see in other videos I did soon after that we decided not to have music throughout which has helped a lot - hindsight, huh? I do have a podcast though and I recorded this same content there so you can here it just as audio if you'd like: open.spotify.com/episode/2vyAcek3ulUUxa6bdTBFV7?si=e35f542499bd415d

Thank you so much!