I'm lucky my elderly parents are not that bad, my sister and I live with them

my elderly parents live with my sister and I and its fine

my siblings and I take care of our elderly parents

my elderly parents live with my sister and I and it fine

I’d ask before getting a weighted blanket, my elderly mom doesn’t have the strength to move the blanket so she prefers the light weight ones. She had previously used quilts.

Guilty and so true. Caused her so much pain. I've learned to address my mother while in her room and also speaking to someone else. ❤ she hears it all

What??!! Forgive them and get over it. HONOR THEY FATHER AND MOTHER.

❤ victory for today= today my mother managed to call her best friend in South Africa who is also suffering from metastatic cancer. Her friends give her so much encouragement. She gave her courage to go home 1 night over Christmas. 🎉 May God bless her experience at home.

Absolutely...thank you Never thought that someone would do this .. but I was wrong 😢

None of this sounds fair to the adult children who are likely also raising children of their own AND working full time.

I love how Sofia empowers caregivers rather than push us to claim victimhood.

You give good advice, my husband stays watch you tube doesn't talk I feel like I'm home along or feel I'm being ignored is it part of the disease

This is such a helpful video, thank you! My parents aren't at a dementia stage, but they are... very difficult people. I don't know why it never occurred to me that I could practice the conversations around boundaries before actually being in the situation.

I think the rental option, reverse mortgage or downsizing are good options. I don't agree with your suggestion regarding putting assets into a trust so that your parent can qualify for Medicaid, though. Medicaid is taxpayer funded and I think it should only be available to those with no resources.

So, did any of these suggestions make you think, "huh, that just might work!"? Share your other creative ideas for paying for senior care!

Thank you Sophia, I love watching your videos 🙏🏽🥰

I would be so grateful to have a parent left. You work around their deficits. If you cannot stand the "work" it takes, find a substitute person.

One if my kids put in my stocking a handle that hooks into the car door and helps me get out of the car

Knowledge is everything

very helpful

Thank you.

Try taking time to help when your sick and broke 😢

Excellent video

I have spent 4 yrs since my father passed to make her realize she needs to get organized and start paying more attention to important things. Her response “I’ve never been organized and I guess I never will be”. Ok, then suffer the consequences. I’ve made suggestions and given her advice and she follows through with nothing. My feelings are, when the consequences come don’t come crying to me, you’ll have to figure it out yourself. I struggle with depression and anxiety, which she has no respect for. When she needs me that’s all that matters. Considering our past she’s lucky I even speak to her, never mind cleaning up her messes which are completely self inflicted. I gave birth to you and raised you now it’s your your job to take care of me. I struggle between trying to be a good person (which I really am) and deciding to let her twist in the wind. Just because her and my father didn’t stop at the drugstore before having sex I owe her? WTF‼️‼️‼️. I’m so tired of living like this😒

After a childhood of abuse, you deserve better. Please make a better life for yourself. ❤❤❤

It's true- my narcissistic mother got worse as she got older. By the time she died she was like a bratty toddler.

I tried, but I just couldn't do it. My mother qualified for elder housing & had enough money to live on, she just wanted me to do it all for her, like a free servant. I tried, but I just couldn't live with her. My grand- mother and aunts raised me until I left home at 15. When my mother died of cancer at 75 years old, she wasn't speaking to me.

wonderful advice. I really need this now. Thank you 🙏🏻

You are always helpful to me. Thank you so much for your channel! I need this!

Thank you-it’s all about our mindset. Would you please make a video addressing when the dementia patient’s spouse is overly critical towards carers/relatives and overly defensive of their partner with dementia?

With family dynamics changing and the high cost of living It needs to be reevaluated eldercare The govt should step in a little more

I've watched all of your videos , ❤

FYI in most every state in america it is now illegal to dismiss taking care of an elderly parent. Not only abusive but illegal. Children like it or don't must obey the law towards their parents.

Heck yeah! 😢

I'll give you my experience on this: both my parents had dementia, my dad was at late stage alzheimers and my mon had lewy body dementia. My dad passed away last sunday, he quietly went in his sleep. We didn't knew wether my mom would be able to understand but still chose to bring her to him for a last goodbye, as it seemed the human thing to do. The next day she seemed depressed and later that night she had a stroke, she was found in coma in the morning, she left us the next day. This was all earlier this week. Still, I'd do it again, as their child this was really hard, but I am sure that after 52 years together they would have wanted to leave together <3

Medicaid is paid by everyone around you, not yourself. I'm an insurance agent and Medicaid is EXTREMELY difficult to get onto even if you meet all the qualifications. They deny people that actually need Medicaid coverage and then add on people that are completely capable of working and are too lazy to do so

you're poor if you're on medicaid

It's a way for the Government to steal every last penny you have while you are living and then take everything you intended to leave to your family when you die.

This is cute. This is gor people who have money, do not live in a shack 18 miles in the woods with mentally AND physically dusabled parents. Cute.

My mother refuses to have outside help and services come in, my brother and other family members who said they'd help haven't and I've been begging and starting screaming at different ones during thanksgiving (they literally told me they'd help but then said if they weren't so busy they would help me with her... They went on a 2 week vacation and not a cheap one. It's been 15 years since I went on a 3 day redneck it camping trip because I was forced into this spot. Their reasoning because you don't have any family and you work from home you can take it on where we can't. Yea I don't have kids because the years I could have children were taken up being railroaded by family and my mother and her abuse. Too late for kids, I can't work anymore because things and responsibilities are only getting harder. My mother refuses to leave the house I tried getting her to spend the day with her sister and nope, I tried the parent day care and nope I got accused of trying to get her exposed to COVID she doesn't want to leave her house and doesn't want anyone other than me to do all of her care. My Dr has diagnosed me with care givers fatigue burnout and told me I have to stop this. But I'm painted into a corner. My only option I see is driving away and live in my car and let the cards drop where they lie.

That's why I'm taking care of my Dad in his own home. I've worked in assisted living places and those that just need friends.

My psycho mother has done that to me for 47 years. It a living hell to be a child treated like the parent to the parent. Then not being allowed to leave and live your own life because mommie dearest wants to remain a child and make no choices and be able to blame and scream and yell over everything nothing is ever right or good. Again HELL

my mom doesn’t wanna make any decisions for herself is the problem. She wants me to be her mother and tell her what to do and I don’t want any part of it. She’s become a child to me.

Seriously that's disrespectful to the dog if your parent is like mine is, dogs show affection and can be trained to respect boundaries and rules. My mother wakes me up through out the night get me a drink to take my pills, fix my tablet my game says it's doing some system update take that crap off I don't want my game to change and loose my points. I then get up in the morning tired and not well rested to take medicine that all the stress from years of hell from her and family helping her keep control over me and not letting me leave(seriously nervous system problems and even damage to my heart so it's not all mental it's permanent physically damage) To walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water for said pills. My mother oh good get me my breakfast I want .... Whatever. If I don't make it there's a hell storm temper tantrum and possibly violence if I do it I can't leave to get my pills taken. So I forgot to take my pills and wind back up in the room hiding from the barking orders every time I leave the bedroom. I realized I forgot the water so I got to go back in same thing happens oh good do xyz. This goes on multiple times till I walk in with my pills and take them in the kitchen with her yelling at me or I have to go quickly running in and out and take my pills in the bedroom with her still yelling at me don't you f_-$_ing ignore me I want xyz. This happens all day long. I hook her up to her machine, and disconnected her. I take her to her Drs appointment and get her pills and groceries I have to pay her bills online now, she refuses to write a check and mail it now thanks to family. Plus won't pay them online herself even though she will play online games and surf Facebook and other apps all day long typing and working on the tablet just fine, but I have to make time to pay her bills for her. I can't even go in the bathroom and be left alone she won't leave me alone. She broke the bathroom door 4 times so now I can't lock it anymore as if it breaks one more time then whole frame and door will need to be replaced. Last night I was in the shower and she decided to dump her waste dialysis solution, it didn't need it and I usually dump it. But she wheels it in and dumps it in the toilet while I was in the shower and that much solution so fast caused the toilet to flush while I was in the shower. And my water turned ice cold for a few and I jumped as I had no warning. Then even worse she opens the shower curtain while I'm in there turns my shower off and says I need to rinse the bucket, while I was in the shower. I was like just wait till I'm done. But nope helped herself while I'm trying to take a shower. But its been this way and I try to get family members to help and they won't. They tell me you don't have a family so you have more time to deal with her. And that is true but I don't have anyone because she never let me leave and family members enabled her to control me. I don't know what to do anymore. It's sad but I feel like the only way out is either her or I will die and that's when I escape her. Whether I die and am freed from this hell or her sickness kills her and I can live free. I did debate living on the streets last month but I worry my family will find me and drag me back into an even worse situation. IDK I hate it

Narcissists have a reputation for long lives.

I've felt .. Overwhelmed, Abandoned, Trapped, Guilted into a living Hell by the people who were supposed to protect not sabotage me, I'm not approciated, I'm lonely, exhausted, and absolutely broken into pieces. And I've felt like this for a very long time. And I want to be at Peace and to be Happy. I'm 46 and I have been guilted and manipulated into almost being a parent to my mother after my father died when I was 15. I was never allowed to date, to get married, to have kids of my own. I wasn't allowed to put myself through college to get the career i wanted ( i tried she forced me to quit). All because I had to stay and care about my mother because she didn't want to be alone and she manipulated and sabotaged me at every turn. My mothers health is only getting worse and her selfishness and her manipulation with verbal and mental abuse is a living hell. And unfortunately my family are and have been enabling her to keep me trapped painted in this box of control using guilt and shame because I am supposed to be there for her and they cared for thier parents. Even though it's not the same at all they left got married had kids before they had to care and they tag team cared for thier parents. I'm alone my brother wants nothing to do with her. And honestly neither do I as i can't do this anymore. Shes killing me and i can't do it. And sadly when she dies i will be the one who's truly alone. She has family and i don't. I have no husband or children and the family ( brother, aunts, uncles) they enabled the abuse. So i want away From them all. I just really want to be free and at peace and to be happy. Maybe a husband after i get all the family buggs out of my brain. Too late for kids now. But I've got to get away some how I just don't know how.

Thanks for this video. My dad lives with me and it’s starting to cause a strain on me. He wants to treat me like a child and it really upsets me. It makes me sad to see him age. I miss who he was.

I really wish i had some dreams. I had no future before I became my mom's carer.

This could have the possibility of being potentially enabling.

Sofia, I need help so badly. My 80 year old mother is driving me to depression, guilt, sadness. I feel physically sick every day. I’m the only living relative, my bother is in the UK. My mother is like no one I have ever met. She was diagnosed with RA earlier this year, she refused medication and is now in a bad way. Her body may not be functioning well, but her mouth still works well and everything that comes out is irrational and hurtful. I carry this pain within me daily. Sometimes I wish that I die first so that I don’t have to deal with this woman anymore. I need help. I have no more to give anymore.