10 Common Narcissistic Hoovering Tactics: How Many Have You Experienced?

[@Jenarg712]

The narcissist I dated sent me a "Happy New Year to you and yours" text a month after a horrible breakup. We hadn't spoken to each other or hashed things out. It came out of nowhere like there were no bad feelings between us. It felt like he was "checking the temperature". I told him to eff off and blocked him.. In the relationship, he bragged about being such a cool guy that all his exes are still friendly with him. Not this one. I see him for what he is and I refuse to be part of his harem of exes.

[@ampleparkingTV]

Haha love this comment. Good for you 💪🏼

[@DarkestDesires93]

They brag a lot it seems

[@stefanfeist9893]

Same just happened to me this Christmas and New Years 😂 I fell for it, but it only lasted 2 weeks.

[@Higgins250]

1) It's always been you. 2) I miss you, I feel like I need closure. Just give me 5 mins. 3) Come at you with some pictures, evoking sentiment. 4) Drama!! 5) Approach you with some exciting news. 6) The 'accidental' text. 7) The apology. 8) Exotic extravagance out of nowhere. 9) The connection. 10) Playing on your empathy.

[@garyedwards558]

The ‘fake’ apology....;-)

[@anitaaustralia]

"Hey. I really need to call you. Dad is really bad" Me: You work in a hospital 😂 He'll really stoop that low

[@theaklein4039]

Just heard from mine after 4 months what she said with truth in () "Ive been thinking about things.( I am out of supply)I want to talk.( You give me supply I need supply) You may not want to talk to me(are you still in my control? I am the victim here)you may be seeing someone else( are you still under my spell. Do I still have you. I am the victim) Just because I can see and im awake it is still hard not to be influenced by the lie.

[@arib3871]

damnnnnnn. i heard ALL of this

[@theaklein4039]

Thank you for this. Honestly it is so hard not to break contact and I have run all the tapes through...again and have to force my brain to see the reality and not the gas lighting hazey dream of "well she may want a relationship now, maybe now she is ready, maybe now...." lies lies lies. She is just bored of her new victim, out of a fresh mouse to toy with" Ugh!

[@arib3871]

thea klein thea klein oh its terribly difficult not to contact them! I think about it often but I remember all of the bad & then logic kicks in. We’re often too busy going back and forth in our heads saying “no way this person is really like this” but they showed us precisely who they are! Believe them!

[@arib3871]

thea klein plus let’s say you two got back together - do you truly see yourself trusting her again after everything that’s been done?! Stay strong!!

[@theaklein4039]

Exactly! I for one have wasted 3 yrs to much on mental tape reruns. And yes that exactly true. they will never chnage and that is sad. I really appreciate your comments! So helpful. Thank you

[@scooterpatooter9484]

He might be having a crisis??! He WAS the crisis...🙄

[@sd1332]

😂

[@NBid-rp9ch]

😂😂😂

[@LizaLavolta]

lol

[@muslimwarrior9891]

ههههه هموتتتتت Translation: hahahahah I’m gonna die

[@EButta71]

Exactly lol

[@RonaldRaygun53]

You might find this quite amusing... after no contact my ex narc emailed me a picture of my front door key 🔑 I just ignored it. A few days later I was working near to where she lived and sure enough she appeared holding the key!!! I told her to keep it as a memento as I’d had the locks changed! Her final act of drama was to launch the key at me and storm off 😏 Stay strong people 😂💪🏻

[@misssford_4528]

seasick 🤣🤣🤣

[@roberteugenemartinezfrias5525]

Well done! You rock!

[@capricris7672]

😄 👍

[@maxahissou7574]

You politely destroyed her. God bless you, sir!

[@TR-ru7tb]

Awesome

[@hollygilbert8508]

Hoovering Techniques 1) It’s always been you 2) I just want to see you one more time 3) May show you pictures together 4) Drama 5) May approach you with exciting or not so exciting news-anything to talk to you 6) Accidental text(s) 7) Apology 8) With an elaborate promise(trip or even marriage) 9) The connection/bond 10) Empathy

[@g0d5m15t4k3]

Thank you

[@TR-ru7tb]

Yes lol yep...and ..NO absolutely just NO

[@OfftoShambala]

Lol… I literally accidentally called my narc … I’m a bit of a narc myself

[@DavidB773]

I'm not sure where an email saying 'Why do you keep calling me??' falls under... I guess it falls under drama. The thing is I've not contacted her at all.

[@ogdumplings8196]

Mine uses combo technique s, involving triangulate and drama+ I just want to see you again. They play targeted mental tricks with specific things

[@Bintang221]

I've experienced all 10 of them!! Also him asking me to get married to him the following month while he was still married!!!! Insane people!

[@CommonEgo]

They always bring the chaos... insane is right ❤🙏

[@muslimwarrior9891]

OH GOD NO THANK GOD U REFUSED BRUHHH

[@Kirstys635]

Hahaha. That is so stupid. *Wants you to marry him...is already married* What the actual hell.

[@agnesz.2038]

Same here! He asked me to marry him, but he’s still married. And he told me that his wife can accept this because she promised him that he can have a 2nd wife. He wanted me not boring him family but he will balance well 2families. He will give me 1day per week, Quality Time, he said. Then he will keep his family too. When he told me these words, I didn’t know his 2nd kid was almost born. Girls, help, narcissistic not just bring Chaos, they wash people’s mind and they have their own STABLE logic. If I refuse, I am the person who don’t know love. I am the person hurt him.

[@barbrafairfield3420]

Me personally I know these people are not people because people are made of Love vibes. These people are not.🤔👍

[@P-CRUZ]

"It took a lot, it took a lot of acting..." 😂😂😂

[@CommonEgo]

🤣

[@AftabAhmed-ib9ex]

i fall for it twice lol i did not knew it

[@livinglovelymo]

We deserve OSCARS ANF EMMY’s!!!

[@anonymous.biscuitt]

This made me laugh out so loud! love this

[@chenal7445]

I've had: the drama Hoover, the malignant Hoover, the love bombing Hoover, the emoji Hoover lol, the Hoover by proxy, the kids Hoover, I mean....... Oh and the fake crisis Hoover, the depressed Hoover, the epiphany Hoover, the I need help Hoover, omg ..... hahaha 😂😂😂

[@misssford_4528]

Chenal A The fake crisis one is ridiculous 😂 my ex best friend lied & said she had cancer. Like I was suppose to care after she insulted my father after he passed away while I was grieving , called me a fake, phony. But expects me to have sympathy for her ? Uh no. These ppl are mental.

[@patriciavandevelde5469]

Take a dog a little bichon maltais and you will never be disapointed men are a waste of time

[@rtorres9150]

Now is the Coronavirus hoover 🤣🤣 “hey hope you and the kids are ok...stay safe” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Eg-jd9zt]

The friend request Hoover. Aka is it warm to dip in again lol

[@maverick2thecore]

The epiphany Hoover....even the epiphanies have been fake ? Can't believe that ! :(

[@meaculpa22]

He invited me for vacations after beating me and stealing my money... Experienced all of them even the "I m gonna go to therapy" loooooool

[@sowhat7118]

💀😂

[@Deserthawk9487]

Before I went no contact, He said “we’re not to the point that we cannot remain friends” without knowing it was a Hoover maneuver at the time, I didn’t believe it, my reply was “I don’t think I can do that” in my mind I thought “I don’t believe we were never friends!”

[@patriciavandevelde5469]

Everthing is a lie, it s very scary to trust people and we waste to much time.....

[@amazonadireitistaearmada7722]

@Leg over Lass ohhhhh my word. Mine literally said I was his “best friend” and that he wanted to see his “friend”. HECK NO!

[@twentysixlinx327]

Could she be more glib? Sounds incredibly narcissist.

[@socialdistancingon8333]

I told him I don't stay friends with exes. So, he's always using the "I'm moving away." excuse. Okay. Leave. Please. Need help packing your boxes and putting them on the truck?

[@shanas.7306]

Literally all of these have happened to me over the years, thank God I went no contact almost a year ago!!

[@Lil-Be]

Playing with feelings and taking advantage of my empathy and compassion was the most common in a relationship with my narcissistic ex. Each time he did something that hurt me, he actually apologized, but always blamed it on his past trauma and that this is the reason why he was doing what he was doing 😓

[@pianolearner7]

When I tried to end it after one month cos I found out he'd cheated he begged and begged for just two minutes of my time to 'explain'. I finally caved in and agreed to meet ...7 years on and I'm really wishing I hadn't. When you know it's not right please believe it and save yourselves a lot of heartache.

[@recovered4life]

It's Day 12 of No Contact and I just got an anonymous (but obvious) potted plant left on my doorstep during covid-19. It's his handwriting on the card, and it says "Water me!". He used to say we must water the plant of our love. I ran straight to my youtube and typed in "common ego hoovering" before my brain started taking me down a dark path!

[@MA-yv8dw]

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN......PLEASE RUNNNNNNNNNNNJMB My hover.." I'm just checking on you"..." do you need anything" " I'm doing good business is booming" " did you see the pics I sent you" " I've been trying to call and check on you...this Covid-19 👎👏👏👏🤣😅😂🤣😅😅🤗

[@victoriac.attorneyatlaw]

A lot of these just sound like regular break-ups, but number 9, THEY HAVE NO EMPATHY! Once you've been love-bombed, devalued, discarded and they've groomed the new supply, you will know the difference between a regular break-up and a discard by a narc=IT IS BETRAYAL!! I am so grateful for this community and for common ego. "I've come a long way baby!" Now I have the awareness going forward and to watch for the hallmarks of a narc.

[@fionaanto616]

Vicki my ex narc/ narcissistic ex or whatever they call them love-bombed me and made me feel like I was the luckiest and the most loved girl on the surface of the earth. And then came the devaluation phase where he was got and cold and I couldn't understand what was happening. When I asked him he said he was behaving like that because he had thought about things and realized that I made him sad because I always said no to almost all his requests. I then began complying with all his terms, feeling like I was walking on eggshells. He gave me the silent treatment for a 5 days because I called both of us out for being rude and using our phones instead of talking to each other. And when I decided to go home because he was being unbothered, he carried on with the silent treatment. 3 days afterwards, I lost one of my best friends to suicide and a week later my mom had a stroke and that's when he discarded. When I needed him the most. My sister tried to reach out to him to beg him to reach out to me since I live in another country far from my family and he was the one person I needed to hold me. He literally told my sister that he never ever wanted to talk to me again, unfriended me on social media. I felt like my heart was violently reaped out of my chest and torn into pieces. How heartless can these narcs be. It still hurts when I look back

[@victoriac.attorneyatlaw]

@@fionaanto616 Yes, I have been there and it is BRUTAL.

[@casperinsight3524]

Severe extreme fear of intimacy, Definitely emotionally unavailable

[@florencetou7217]

Yes. Grateful to find out this channel. Then realised my ex is a covert narc. Intense love bomb at the beginning of six months relationship, found being cheat on, lies after lies, gaslighting, passive aggression, zero empathy when I got sick, extremely mental manipulative, constant fantasize being loved by many other people, pretend being kind but use hidden controlling tactics in all relationships once secure a prey devaluation and discard at the end. Then blocking me from social media after discarding me for six months and then unblock me and start hoovering......this fits exactly NPD pattern. Can narc be cured by pychologists?

[@ClassyEnding]

It does feel like betrayal. Granted I gathered this information from others but they seem to have already been talking to a new person 3 days after our break up. They said I was being manipulative to them. When I tried to talk the same day of the break up and the day after. I was completely removed and blocked on every social media. All I wanted was answers and closure. I wanted to know what I could do better. I wanted to express how I felt. I was just thrown into confusion suddenly because we talked the morning of break up day. We called again and that was it.

[@KO-D00M]

Realizing that I've experienced half of these makes me uncomfortable, but I also feel relieved because now I can put a name to these shenanigans!

[@desertangelfish140]

It's manipulation, not love. And, all for supply. The desperate need for attention to feel validation. SMH

[@chenal7445]

Spaghetti tactics. Throw it allllll and see what sticks 😂😂😂😂😂🔥🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@shamonevans3234]

Chenal A lmao

[@curiousme113]

Been here

[@mrtwister9002]

Everything, _but_ genuine apology and ownership.

[@sowhat7118]

😭

[@nuksukao8281]

Mmm....spaghetti!!!

[@catlady6938]

I got “I miss you so much, I think about you night and day, thought I might see you in such and such bar” I replied “i don’t drink in such and such bar”. He must have forgot that and got me muddled up with another supply lol, after saying he wanted to see me again he ghosted me. I’m still laughing 😂 he always had a bad memory.

[@healingdiscovery4436]

Mine sends me KZbin playlists, shows up at my door, leaves flowers on my car, got a job in my building, sends holiday texts, writes notes in card from "the kids", drives byy appt. Empty apologies.. this has been going on for 2 years.

[@HADASDAS2]

Healing Discovery Wow He showed at my door too He was as old as my parents I was told I’m a good dancer And he admitted he needs to look good It was on and off I was hooked I used the word toxic yo him He used to laugh at my English Cause I’m not an English speaker I live in Israel 🇮🇱 He does too He told me that ones he asked me to dance with him and I said no I guess he was watching me for a long time until he tried again Creepy He was coming to my door 🚪 step It felt scary He left a card Without his name on But I knew it’s him Cause I know where I put my stuff And he was snooping It said happy birthday day my love Now I see it as crap 💩 Oh I gave him presents 🎁for his birthday 🎂 too I was hooked Ones he even left a chocolate 🍫 with the saying love you But what I read here is creepier

[@damouldo]

Whoa...

[@joannalund1966]

That’s a stalker you have there!!

[@constantinalitsa3034]

Can't believe!! 2 years!!!??? Same for me with stalking and flowers on my car!!! I really wish you get rid of this person!!!!

[@foxemartin]

Google docs and Amazon packages.

[@noodlepoodlegirl]

this is so crazy, we separated a few weeks ago, and today we were able to have an amicable text back-and-forth conversation. He was at the Emily Fourth of July get together, and I realized and listening to these 10 different ways of hovering, he did eight of 10 of those! He sent me a cute picture that he knows I like, he gave me good news, he told me that he wasn’t having fun at his function because no one really understands him except for me, and several others! That is so crazy! Thank you for opening my eyes to what’s going on! I told myself over and over, and him as well, right now I don’t wanna see him or talk to him. I just want time away, for myself. Of course he can’t let that happen. He has to send me friendly texts now and again, all hovering! Makes me tired, you know?

[@malindaallen718]

Block him.

[@novakaya]

11) The sudden spiritual awakening/epiphany. ‘God suddenly spoke your name in my heart and told me you are the only one I’m supposed to be with.’

[@crystalcole888]

Thank you so much for posting this information. It is vitally important for people to understand narcissism so that they don't suffer unnecessarily for years and years. I've met so many people like this and I never understood what was going on. It was absolutely devastating to realize that someone you care about very much is hurting you... On purpose... it really helps to understand all the reasons why. You are really helping a lot of people, and I thank you so much :-)

[@staceyarey7904]

The bread crumb Hoover - "Hi, I just wanted to check and see how you are doing..." Translation: "I couldn't care less how you were doing when I discarded you and put all my time, energy, and focus into my new supply while you were devastated, but now I'm realizing my new supply is not perfect, and I want to make sure I keep you on backup.. So now I will pretend like I care about how you're doing, and if you answer I know that you are still part of my harem. P.S. if you answer and say that you are hurting without me, that's a bonus, so thank you for feeding my supply needs!"

[@GGSmalls]

Does it ever really matter when they claim you are the love of their life yet cheated the last 2 of 10 years - begged & pleaded and lost his mind when I left the first time (for months) but didn’t stop communicating with the back burner! The one he claimed to not give a sh.t about. The one who was just a filler. A puppet. He can’t even stand her voice or talking to her! Yeah that one. He destroyed ten years of what was a great relationship for 8 years. Treated me like a queen until he didn’t-until he was caught cheating with a crazy psycho who liked him since high school. She seems like a narc… him…he has traits for sure. Claimed last time together he wanted to get married; wanted it all and the rest of his life to prove how much he loved me; I just couldn’t do it. I left him three months ago - but it’s so hard to get him out of my head and heart. It doesn’t just go away the pain & emotional torment lingers for so long.

[@lindabrown8536]

I grinned from ear to ear and laughed so much in a good way! I experienced all of these with the NARC I once knew. Thank you for this video! Wish to add, I also experienced... fake accidents and illnesses to tug at my empathy along with suicide threats when he was really desperate for my attention.

[@krysformayor8217]

Yes! The suicidal threat. My ex husband even told me that his father had died. I rushed to his side only find out he was lying and to be abused again. I divorced him in 2016 and my life has been Amazing.🙌🏾✝️😇🙏🏾❤️

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

1. I keep getting signs to reach out. 2. No one gets me like you. You're the only who understands me. 3. Our sexual connection is something I've never had before or since you. I think these are obvious appeals to an injured ego. They know they've hurt your ego in the discard and they know you'll be vulnerable to hearing some repair of your value in their eyes. To suddenly be "the only one" when you've been dropped to the bottom of the trash for so long, is a welcomed relief. Repair your ego on your own and you won't be as vulnerable to the hoover.

[@rtorres9150]

im late in this video but: Now is the Coronavirus hoover 🤣🤣 “hey hope you and the kids are ok...stay safe” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@malindaallen718]

Oh, heres an older one I just remembered: leaving unsolicited gifts and notes in my actual, physical mailbox. I now have a locking mailbox.

[@lakehombreguy]

blocking my narc ex literally solves most of these. she has zero methods of communication with me, so she cannot do any of these. granted I also dumped her while the devaluing was going on, and now she tries to contact my friends, knowing it will get back to me. pathetic

[@lakehombreguy]

@MEAT POPSICLES •89 years ago • they can be persistent. Keep blocking and don't give them an in

[@izzyguzman7138]

Omg your videos are helping me so much. Me and my covert narc broke up today. Hes literally stalling while packing, and tried to Hoover me before leaving. Sure thing enough I fell for it, and he discarded me.

[@BLITZY261]

Narcissist: "Just give me five minutes of your time". Me(after fond memories of the narcissist and their ways). CLICK.....my end.

[@lindadaly4505]

My narc left some of his items at my house. At the time he did this, I was confused. Why is he leaving things at my house. I suspected our relationship was ending at the time (did not know anything about narcissism), just saw a shift in his behavior that was unpleasant. I suspect this is a pattern. Taking the stuff to Goodwill. Blocked calls and emails. He lives in another state. Thank you to everyone for helping me understand I never knew this person. He is such a classic narcissist.

[@in_vino_veritas7938]

It's such a blessing when they move to another state! Really amped up my healing for sure

[@lindajohnson3283]

I have heard every one that you mention and i would just scream inside listening to his bs i actually felt sick to my stomach listening but i did not react i had given hom so many chances and every time i did his abuse towards me got worse. Thank you so much for this video it was so helpful

[@kristiemcinnes304]

I got a photo of me, said I'm beautiful. I didn't take the bait. He was feeling nostalgic. After thst, he blocked me. Wish I blocked him but wasn't strong enough at the time

[@allthingsjana7870]

After a discard 2 months ago i got the text with " how are you doing ? Are you okay?" Obiously it wasn't addressed to me, so it could look like it was accidental. 😂

[@chellamclelland9541]

I just want to thank you so much for these videos and for providing a word for what has been happening (intermittently, obviously) for the past three years. I've experienced just about all of these tactics, the "connection" one being a favorite.

[@Ash-wl8up]

Ahhhhaha love your expressions! Trying not to burst out laughing, I know the feeling, and when we say it out loud and actually hear it.... it’s so crazy it’s funny! I am finding having a sense of humour about it is helping too. Especially when it becomes soooooo predictable 🤪🤭🤔🙄🥴Great vid 🙏🏽

[@amandang__]

I’ve got another! “Would you be upset if I died?”

[@MrsOctober-kc5de]

😂😂😂😂

[@dianageorgiana4153]

Yes, exactly The same

[@Miskate444]

Mine just texted me tonight saying “hey! How was your week/weekend? Did you sing anywhere this weekend?” after ghosting me for the um-teenth time, as if nothing happened. Like, reaching out casually as if we are friends after the third DISCARD - and this time, it was a reverse discard, with a year living together (out of 8), of him making me feel like a ghost in my own home. Ignoring me, lying to me, probably cheating but I can’t prove it - gaslighting. The works. Then this - ‘how was your week’ BS?! Unreal. Gross. Awful. 😢

[@harryb3402]

Thank you.. I’ve not been drinking for 2 months, went out for a friends birthday and drank and it’s like he knew .. every word you said rang true, this helped me not to reply. So appreciated, you’re awesome ❤️

[@starryskies6054]

The empty apologies to reel me back in under the guise of others asking about me and sob stories about how those people had people who were always in and out of their lives.

[@annarehbinder7540]

The I cannot live without you complete with suicide threats ! - Actually supprisingly easily handled ...I called his mom and friends said this is the situation I cannot be involved in solving it since I’m directly involved and then told him the next time he called what I’ve done and that he now should have adequate support around him since I couldn’t and shouldn’t be involved. ( Got him really mad and me Very happy =)

[@socialdistancingon8333]

Good one! I told mine that I was gonna turn my phone off so he could take care of himself, whether it was checking his meds or calling his psychiatrist. I didn't want to be an option for a distraction...

[@jennylynn82173]

You are absolutely darling - loving your content and insight - thank you! :)

[@Tempest78]

#11: “I’m in counseling, with my ______. (Insert clergyman’s title here - I.e. pastor, imam, priest, rabbi, etc.). Another hot lie from Hell they love to tell.

[@Kabaselefh]

I remember that counseling lie before I dumped her, I think she could sense it coming

[@2010cmarie]

YESSS!!! Mine used religion..."I've been praying/reading the bible"...whatever and if you have been it won't last long"...

[@alexmorgan1095]

Oh my god!! Every single one of those!! And more besides! The most common one though was just a simple, pathetic..”are you ok?”

[@annemarietacey9729]

don't forget the fake concerned look as well!

[@iamu2247]

"yes, I was okay until you texted me. Why do you ask?" 😂

[@SoulDelSol]

Why is asking if you're ok pathetic? Seems kind and reasonable to me. Maybe out of context or holding grudge?

[@annemarietacey9729]

its pathetic because they dont mean it. fake concern

[@alexmorgan1095]

Exactly Ann Marie!!

[@Cheesygamergirl121]

They try and come back telling me I love u when they really don't they just wanna come back because they have no one or they try and make u feel bad when u put them in your place

[@cstanley2790]

I'm currently experiencing ALL of these from not only my current relationship of 6yrs that is officially ending, but also with my ex-husband of 15yrs whom I have kids with. It's infuriating and sometimes comical to witness firsthand. Thank you for all of your videos, I cannot wait to be single and work more on me. I have suffered enough emotional abuse these past 22 years!

[@craigJPhoto]

what about coming back after 6 weeks no contact and throwing the new boyfriend in your face " hes perfect for me"? triangulation.

[@CommonEgo]

I think of that one more like a trap... because they're sucking you into drama instead of a relationship. But they're still trying to get supply, so definitely related! Have you seen my video about warning the new supply? It kind of touches on this. ❤🙏

[@HADASDAS2]

Common Ego I didn’t see it How do I get to see it? And thank you These videos really help I really want to say out his name It be wired if someone of the women here will know him He lives in Israel 🇮🇱 And his wife works in Alaska Every half year Usually March to October (Skagway januva- not sure how to spell that 🤔😳😬) If I remember correctly And he started joining in one month after her And came back one month before her His son Younger son As he said Is the manager there He loves Israeli flock dancing 🕺

[@BiscuitHead22]

Thats so awful, im sorry you had to deal with that.

[@livingtree3547]

Just happened to me. Lame lol

[@GGSmalls]

Does it ever really matter when they claim you are the love of their life yet cheated the last 2 of 10 years - begged & pleaded and lost his mind when I left the first time (for months) but didn’t stop communicating with the back burner! The one he claimed to not give a sh.t about. The one who was just a filler. A puppet. He can’t even stand her voice or talking to her! Yeah that one. He destroyed ten years of what was a great relationship for 8 years. Treated me like a queen until he didn’t-until he was caught cheating with a crazy psycho who liked him since high school. She seems like a narc… him…he has traits for sure. Claimed last time together he wanted to get married; wanted it all and the rest of his life to prove how much he loved me; I just couldn’t do it. I left him three months ago - but it’s so hard to get him out of my head and heart. It doesn’t just go away the pain & emotional torment lingers for so long

[@jimfurik1042]

Tired of them all 🥱...just leave me alone so I can move on !

[@skyejacques]

It means some deep self healing. Energy work to release cords and spiritual contracts. I've been doing that for ten years and slowly now feel I'm fully in my own energy, with no attachments

[@janettecavallaro5643]

Holiday and tax season hoovering and of course their birthday lmao

[@2010cmarie]

Before I went no contact on the Narc (who has no job, he's on disability because he tried to commit suicide years back, too bad it didn't work out for him)...since Covid-19 he would Hoover me when he knew my Unemployment would hit my bank account. A-hole!

[@Eg-jd9zt]

Tax season lol

[@MyGoodenessGracious]

😂😂😂

[@LiquidSwords-ou7lg]

Did no contact with her in May 2019 and she literally hoover an entire year via Snapchat just to reconnect once my birthday came around in February 2020 to come back to me lmfaooo

[@carolstreeter7800]

I’ve gotten the ‘how was your holiday’ Hoover and the ‘you don’t realize whT you have until it’s gone Hoover. In no contact with same guy now for 2 weeks. I KNOW I will get hovered and I’m anxiously waiting to see what Hoover I get. The great thing now is, however, I’ve now figured out all this narcissist and hoovering stuff and can’t wait to ignore him and not respond.

[@Mrs.Longley]

As someone with BPD my narcissist pulls my strings perfectly I will admit I sometimes Hoover because of actual feelings what confuses me into thinking I may be the narcissist but I didn’t lie in the relationship I didn’t cheat in the relationship n I didn’t keep the toxic patterns going alone. Fool me once fool me twice fool me three times fool me four times fool me again you must be hoovering me… with guilt . Anyone feel me?

[@anthonyp6823]

I've done a lot of these chasing my narc ex back. Damn. Asking for 5 minutes to fix the problem. Sending pics of our trips together.

[@jenniferconroy4517]

Need this today ...thank you ...health and happiness to you always ...

[@Poeme340]

So true. Excellent video-they’ll try them all to get you back in the fold (their supply rotation). Suggesting that you’re “the only one who gets me” could indicate that you were the one they could most easily and frequently use-not a compliment, to say the least. Beware! Thanks for your work!👍

[@sanisunny1395]

How do you know all of these? Whenever I listen to your videos, I just feel it is the exact story of my relationship. Thank you so much, you are amazing

[@amylynn7881]

These hoovering techniques are destroying my life and you have this happy smile throughout this whole video. I won’t be returning

[@qlizfilmmaker1871]

Agreed! This bitch SMILING is triggering. READ THE ROOM & get off KZbin

[@wazagunab]

You can get through this terrible time in your life. Try sites on boundaries & gratitude.

[@Peacesmile-t7e]

They send jokes, sends morning and sends some KZbin links.

[@Diamonddusted68]

#10 The Narc left me a princess Liea message that he needed to talk to me, I'm his only hope. He actually said he was in a drama, and was scared and alone. He wanted just to talk. Sorry, wrong number.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

I forgave my covert narcist ex partner for what she did to me and I will never forget. I recognize all of the motivations in this video. If my ex would ever talk to me I now have the intell to use so I am not misguided anymore. So sad that narcissist never learn and keep making victims on and on. Hopefully with the preparations in confronting them less and less people will be victim. So in the end narcissists have nobody left to use only other narcissists, haha.

[@MR-tr2fz]

That's my hope too! Dog eat dog.

[@RC-ey4gm]

I have a narcissist who tracks my calls. So sad for him.

[@totallynieve7108]

How does he do that? I think my phone is bugged.

[@philipallsopp4818]

I was scapegoated in a process of gaslighting, but by multiple siblings. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers, all younger than me apart from 1 sister. So the “ hoovering” was extremely complex, multi-directional, and often confusing, making it difficult to identify the covert narcissist properly. Sometimes even now, the term narcissist could apply to any, if not all of them. They often hid behind one another, they’d appear, take a stab, and then run and hide, so to speak. Mind you,at the height of the emotional abuse, I’d never heard any of these terms connecting this type of abuse.

[@RavenGirl333]

I don’t forgive nor do I forget! Remember people these monsters have back ups for supply. But also remember this you are special and you are way out of their league now because you now know who and what they are. Also remember not to cry they get off on that and it’s a signal they still have you in their grips. Crying is a turn on for these souless monsters.

[@lindsenddddd12345]

Thank you for opening my eyes THANK YOU

[@Sigmarules77]

PROMISE OF CLOSURE: “I must explain something to you.” or “I need to explain everything.” “I’ll let you ask anything you want to.” ONE MORE NIGHT: “I wish I could see you just one more time.” “I want to spend one more night together.” APPEAL TO THE HEARTSTRINGS: “I found these pictures of us. Ah, memories.” [Sending me flowers] [Sending me a link to love songs on KZbin] (one of his favorite techniques-I had an entire playlist of songs) FALSE ACCUSATIONS: “Someone told me you were on a dating app. I can’t believe you. It’s only been three days!” “I can’t believe you’re hanging out with my friend!” REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES: “Good luck at your new job.” “How did your doctor’s appointment go today?” JUST REACHING OUT (doing things to put himself in my head without directly saying anything to see if I’ll be the one to say something first): [sending blank texts] [putting random likes on Facebook posts] CAN’T STAY AWAY: “I’m addicted to you.” “I can’t stop thinking about you.” “I can’t live without you.” I’VE CHANGED: “I know what I did wrong and I won’t do it again.” “Please give me another chance.” PHYSICAL OBJECTS: “I still have your Christmas presents.” “You left your charger at my apartment.” I HEARD NEWS: “Someone told me you posted something about us.” “Someone showed me a picture of you on Facebook with a guy.” THE APOLOGY: “I’m sorry, I was immature back then.” “I hurt you so much and now I just want to show you I can be good to you.” ELABORATE PROMISES: “Let me take you on a trip, anywhere you want to go.” “I want a chance to make this right and if everything works out, I want to marry you.” UPCOMING EVENTS: “I bought us tickets to the ______ show because I had hope you would go with me.” “Will you go see that movie with me when it comes out? I don’t have anyone to go with.” HERE IF YOU NEED ME: “Let me know if you need help moving.” “If you ever need me, I’ll be here even if it’s twenty years from now.” OUR BOND IS TOO STRONG TO BREAK: “We have a connection no one else can understand and we can’t let anything break it apart.” “We’ll never have this again with anyone else.” “No one will ever love you like I do.” ALONE IN THE WORLD: “You’re the only one I can talk to.” “No one cares how I feel. THE REVERSE HOOVER: There were times I reached out first for various reasons for a specific purpose, such as to apologize because I hadn’t liked the way our last conversation had gone. The conversation inevitably turned to his heartbrokenness and undying love and request to see me again. Every single one of these are real hoovers that occurred during the course of our relationship, and yes, most of them worked. I have seen a couple of others that I’ll include here based on reading comments and stories from online. Using Kids: If you have children with the narcissist, he or she may use the children as an excuse to contact you. All divorced or separated parents need to communicate about their children, but from reading stories, it seems as if narcissists may do so in ways that make it appear as if you must respond imminently, with dramatic contact making you worry or saying it is dire they must talk to one of the children immediately. Using an Emergency: A narcissist may reach out to you and say he or she is sick or has had a death in the family, or has otherwise fallen on hard times. A Final Note on Hoovering and What Makes It a Hoover: I hope it is clear from all of these examples that a “hoover” is exactly what it sounds like: an attempt to suck a person back into the relationship. But what is it about it that makes it uniquely a narcissistic act? In other words, why is this discussed in the context of narcissistic abuse? Isn’t it true that in normal relationships, sometimes one of the partners tries to draw the other one back in after a breakup to try again? I believe that the latter is not what we would call a “hoover,” and that there is another component to the definition of hoovering that I haven’t yet touched on. Using the word “hoover” to describe these tactics implies a particular insincerity. There is nothing about the definition that says anything about why the narcissist wants the relationship back, how the narcissist will behave if the other person comes back, or what about the relationship will be different. It’s just an empty act for the narcissist to try to get what he or she wants. In the third and final article in the hoovering series (Part III), I will discuss “insincerity” as a key to understanding the hoover. There are actually very specific things that narcissists say and do that demonstrate the insincerity of hoovering when we pay attention...

[@2010cmarie]

False accusations!! YESSS!!!

[@apuravmahajan283]

Genuine persons can do this too.

[@hairdie]

where is the part iii? please sir

[@mercyrahma9501]

Breaking NO contact would be Betraying God because I asked HIM to save me And For Me GOD COMES FIRST ! Let him try all his tactics NONE of Them Will Work On me ! 🙌

[@jodiewiegold]

Oh my god. All of them. 1 month Tuesday I have never been more terrified on my life. 🥺

[@brunoc.7640]

After being blocked on all social media, my narcissist ex sent me an e-mail to wish me a happy birthday, but also decided to include in the message that HE thought we can't be together any longer (I broke up weeks ago), that HE thought we couldn't get passed all the fights we had (that he caused with tardiness, inconsideration, cheating and belittling), that HE did not understand why I had blocked him everywhere (he kept checking my profiles) and that HE still loved me despite all of that. WTH man.

[@robertdemeter5793]

You're energy is so strikingly peaceful, angelic and beautiful !! Much Love !! Nature is my church, and Rock N' Roll and Heavy Metal music is my Religion !! ; - )

[@dinalubin6498]

After no contact for 5 weeks post breakup, he suddenly texted me and I was invited to go with him to Florida and told that he’d love to buy me a new bathing suit there. 🤣🙄

[@constantinalitsa3034]

Thank you!! You were so accurate with all of them! And some more hoovering "techniques".... stalking, outside my house .. But my favourite is the latest... Notes that he really loves me on my car windscreen... The last few days I find a bouquet of flowers on my car windscreen! Unbelievable!... does make you think he's really in love, I mean had it not been for the fact he actually is a narcissist! .... Oh, one more!!! I will always be there for you- just reach our whenever you need me!

[@foxemartin]

I've gotten this before too! A bouquet of flowers and an apology note.

[@ronw484]

You're the only friend I have! Everything that happened was because my father was threatening to disown me and kick me out of his house and business if I associated with you any more! But he's dead now- he passed away a week ago! I'm free!

[@ladonnasimpson2954]

I just got the love song hover wow..😳 plz tell me if any one has had this my first this is some crazy ..... I'm done this 🤡is to much 🤥

[@chrislee8599]

I shortly dated a narc last year until I realized what he was. I remember he asked me what I was doing for the holidays & I told him I’d be with my family. He was hoping I’d come from a broken family & be wishing I could see him-like many other things. He liked it when I was miserable only. He purposely texted me on the day-of Thanks Giving and Christmas, asking what am I doing. Then he’d ignore my text until the late night or next day as if he never made it seem like he wanted to talk or see me. It made him so mad that I was fine without him & able to enjoy my day without his games. Somebody had tagged him in a family pic on facebook & he was lying on a couch looking miserable & just looking at his phone. He wasn’t interacting with his family in the back. So like a narc to hate other people having a good time that doesn’t revolve around them! Or try to ruin holidays for others by throwing a wet blanket over their mood.

[@elviiuxx]

I was told ALL OF THEM. It’s incredibly horrible to be honest :( Thanks for sharing these videos!

[@BooDotBoo]

I didn't know much about narcissism when I broke up with my ex, so our breakup was a long, wild ride. At first, he acted like he was willing to work things out, then he didn't, then he did. Finally, he told me he just really wanted to stay friends because he said, "we were too close to not continue being friends and we had such a connection and he really didn't want me out of his life", but I wasn't too sure. We kept in contact, anyway. Sort of. I pretty much just left him alone because I was trying to deal with my own feelings, but he would text me, asking about how my weekend was or saying he hoped I had a good weekend. Or apologizing for "everything" and nothing specific, but when I'd start trying to talk to him about what had happened and our feelings (because I felt like we couldn't stay friends unless we had a serious talk about what had happened in the relationship and the breakup), though, he'd either just stop responding or tell me he didn't or couldn't talk to me about it because it hurt too much. Okay, but I wondered how can we be friends if we still have this big thing we can't talk about? I guess I shouldn't have been surprised because this was one of the reasons I finally got frustrated and wanted to break up in the first place, among other things; his extreme lack of communication or opening up. Anyway, he'd text me every weekend, even if he'd previously left me on read when I was trying to talk things out. If I didn't answer, he'd say something else until I finally said something and then he'd leave me on read. If I did answer, he'd not say anything for like a week or two before saying something else and it happening all over again. I guess he was just trying to see if I was still responsive to him or something. It was a weird mind game and I got tired of it. This led to me telling him I didn't want anymore contact and I went no contact after 4 months of this. Best thing I ever did, even though, sometimes, it doesn't feel like it. I also feel like it was a lot easier to shut down any hoovering or anything else because we didn't have mutual friends or really any connections outside of us and his mom, who I would talk to, sometimes. I just blocked everyone, even though I regret blocking his mom because she was really nice, and moved on.

[@laraesque]

I experienced a lot on your list. One did a whole big marriage proposal after years of cutting off all affection--cuddles, hugs, etc. (we lived together) I fell for it. Aiyeee! Here are a few more from my collection of narcs. #12 Lovely, thoughtful gifts. It can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be. Even more intense hoovering can be something personally meaningful. My narc gave me handmade earrings (not by the narc) similar to art my son used to make for me when he was little. The narc told me, you can think of your son whenever you wear these. #13 "I want my best friend back!". #14 One narcissistic, violent partner, came by in tears, "I'll never do it again! I'll do whatever it takes," after I had moved out. It so happened that a male friend stopped by for breakfast in the middle of this declaration of change. Instant rage took over and the abusive partner pushed me down the stairs.

[@rosalinemikhael1086]

He was like: I miss laughing and joking with u. Then : we can hang out again. Then: It was not my fault it was all yours crazy. Then : remember when we did such and such u r such an amazing girl with a good heart I’ll love you as you are. Then BOOM ghosting me again 😄 never apologized and always blame shifting.

[@skyejacques]

You deserve the best kind of behaviour from all people. 💞💞💞

[@igirly123]

The "we can still be friends and you can hang out over my house." Sir that's not a break up. 😐 It's almost like they don't see what theyre doing is toxic and abusive and totally disregard your boundaries after you break up with them

[@ObscurasCozyCult]

All of them over 4 years of no contact. they tried really hard to get words and reactions out of me.

[@michellegonzalez7693]

25 years + of marriage heard all of this . Thought by husband was autistic past few years. Knew I was not happy , felt numb , exhausted and robotic. Your videos along with some other women videos has opened my eyes to the misery. My children are the best things out of the union.Filled out the divorce papers mostly and asked him to leave. He is on the couch and " looking for an apartment" .I wonder if it's a ruse. He could be just going thru the motions with no plans to leave. I ask myself how.and why me? I am learning about my upbringing and family history of abuse.I have discovered my mom is narcissistic and it explains why I unconsciously talk to her every 1 to 2 weeks. The conversation is about her often or her trying to convince me to stay married.

[@kakestuff4267]

Sounds very much like my situation, so sorry you're going through the same

[@in_vino_veritas7938]

My mom would given me terrible advice like that too.

[@manyi4success]

Why did you stay sooooo long?? 25 years whoaaa Your mom wants you to stay married because in some spiritual way narcs look out for each other

[@thalia7001]

My mom tries all those things..... And my therapist told me.... To choose my weapon.. Silence.🔇... And it's working....

[@privateprivate8366]

The thing that has always cracked me up is that my mother has always seen me as a people person. For what I’ve learned about her narcissism, perhaps, it has to do with HER always wanting me to be open. But, I’ve usually found relationships with people to be quite painful. I was bullied as a child and, through my adulthood, although now in my fifties, I’ve become all the more introverted. If I were independently wealthy and didn’t have to earn a living, I’d likely leave the house about twice per year. But, I think that as she has come to imbue feelings upon those she feels are extensions of herself, whether her children or her cats, she feels she decides whether we’re happy and, if there’s a need to hoover, it is based upon what she feels we want or that makes us happy - regardless of how miserable we may be. As a result, the holiday season hoovering is based upon the idea that she feels that what I now long for, is being with family. No, fool. It isn’t. After being in an office all year, the thing I treasure most in all the world, is being at home for a few days, relaxing and also being personally productive. So, her hoovering is typically an epic fail, while she confuses what she wants, with what I want.

[@MR-tr2fz]

I'm in a similar situation with my narc ex-mother. She always tries to hoover me during xmas, easter, birthday. "Being at home for a few days, relaxing and also being personally productive" - yes!

[@privateprivate8366]

M R well, I think that a lot of what it actually is, now that I understand my mother better, is that she is using the social normalcy of being with others to pull me away from whatever I want to do and from being productive. From what I’ve felt and read, they don’t want you to have any down time. No recoup. No rest. If you’re the type to see your job as a necessary evil that detracts from your personal productivity and you’ve got someone constantly wadding up your down time, you’re screwed and they don’t mind later telling you that you can’t seem to accomplish anything. Add to it that I’ve found that, even outside of narcissism, people who have been xtra down time, who may no longer 9-5 it for a living, no matter their age, quite often assume you’re on the same schedule. But, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s almost that they actually “allow” you to work, for the express purpose of them not wanting to take financial responsibility for you. I don’t have this problem much anymore though. I’ve been discarded, my mother knows that I typically want to be alone, that I cannot STAND her and that I don’t at all mind making that clear. Plus, I just try to have good boundaries. If I say no, she can plead with me for two hours, with every card in the deck. Still no. This is, too, because over recent years, I’ve asked her, “ When my weekend or vacation is over and I’ve accomplished nothing, where will I be and where will you be?” She very blithely answered that she’d be at home, as if she were entitled to something I wasn’t, including me working for her or taking her places, without an ounce of concern as to whether I showed up on Monday, hardly different than I left on Friday. I’m not saying she became more empathetic. I’m saying she had to become accustomed to her inability to change my mind.

[@MR-tr2fz]

@@privateprivate8366 they just don't care about your needs and what you want - on the contrary, they're happy when you feel bad. As you said, no recoup no rest for you - the worse you feel, the better the narc feels. No heart, no love, only sadism, hatred, rage. It's a shame such deranged women are allowed to become mothers.

[@tammik4652]

Ding ding ding. ALLLLL TEN! I’m freshly “discarded”. I didn’t even know what that meant last week! It’s been over two years with the guy of my dreams. OMG! He’s a pro... and I see it now. The thing with me is, he was not successful at taking away my confidence, my self worth etc. That’s not to say I didn’t fall for his hoovering over and over again, but now I keep telling myself my Mom is probably turning over in her grave right now watching me go through this. As hard as it is to walk away, I know it’s a MUST! I feel sorry for him. He seems like he really does hurt. I am looking forward to time heal my pain. I’m way too good for this treatment. Thank you Christina! YOU are the reason I now have will power!

[@wesley6442]

I was hoovered by means of emotional manipulation, she used my hopes and dreams as a weapon against me (marriage and family) one minute she'd be really sweet and connecting with me on such an intimate level saying such wonderful things as, waking up next to someone, loving every little thing about them "forever and always" blah blah and then she'd change her mind, I'm just not ready to be with someone everyday.. I am so fed up with investing in all the lies and let downs it's absolutely the worst thing you can do to someone by preying on their most vulnerable areas, someones hopes and dreams, teasing them about a future together and then turning around and changing your mind. absolutely cruel and sadistic!

[@dior.shanaa3711]

Showering you with compliments is another one

[@Ty_ThatGuy]

I've had EVERY one of them from the same person if you can believe it. The only one I never got is the one about the kids because we don't have children together, thank God!!!!

[@charlidavidson]

For the short latch and feed, "Hey, I miss you." followed by something to trigger you "Idk why we stopped talking/You stopped talking to me" LMAO. Then when you respond take forever to respond. Then say "I'm not tryna go back and forth". So skin crawling. OR you might get the "I was just checking up on you, I love you" lmaooooo then when you reject they turn up the HOOVER/STALK

[@kingsagenda]

My birthday is tomorrow and he's said he got something for me. After 3 years he's still trying.

[@marteneqdt]

Another one I've experienced, siding up to my good friends. Luckily the saw it for what it was, after I told them about your videos.

[@rabraul]

The ex narc I know is proud enough to never talk to me again and fake happiness until the end, so I think I am safe. At least from a safe distance.

[@truclementine5792]

It’s been a little over a year since I left the narc or spoke to him and I can totally imagine him saying these things .Especially ,”Are you ok ?,I’m worried about you “( in order to Hoover but not give you the satisfaction of them begging for you to return or apologizing ).Also, him wanting to get closure for his spiritual journey ;I can see that one happening too 😂 Heck no ! I have him blocked and if he ever comes to my door I will shut it in his face without saying a word .When I first left I felt like it was me,but to see all of the blessings that have come to me and my family after leaving the narc I am positive that he was intentionally cruel to me , my kids and anyone else he knew he could get away with it with .

[@asiah797]

We Brokeup for the 5th time. He came back and proposed 2 months later . Less than a year later we’re signing divorce papers. Listen to your gut and intuition . Hoovering comes subtly and extremely.

[@dalefrancis4181]

OMG I WAS OBLIVIOUS UNTIL THIS… live happy people and best of luck- you deserve a happy life

[@foleydog]

Responding to years old emails about ‘fixing’ the relationship. NOW that you left, NOW I’m ready to address these issues you brought up in the last century...

[@sophialewis5474]

My list: 1) The how are you 2) The error text 3) The saw something reminded me of you. "I've sent the photo/ vid to you on Whatsapp" (which I had blocked him on). 4) I feel miserable 5) Good friend passed away (he has no empathy) 6) We can still be friends can't we? 7) Oh....and waited for my birthday to send best wishes (broken up 3 months.....he got me on that one. Back no contact. Lesson learnt). Because I have not responded to his 'how are you hoover..... I do expect the drama one soon...i.e. "I can't believe you don't have the decency to respond to my caring inquiry as to your health.

[@misssford_4528]

Sophia Lewis haha that last line is literally the story of my life w/ my sister 😂 she gets furious when I don’t want to argue/ignore her.

[@holistichealingnetwork]

What about getting a birthday card after a breakup? With a seemingly sweet note inside asking how you and your family have been doing. "Say hi to them for me!"

[@ronpetrus7676]

My ex-girlfriend just started hoovering in the last 48 hours after I blocked her on my phone for the last 7 months, she used a google number and caught me off guard, she wants to just meet at restaurant and talk. I had her out of my life and I was feeling good again, I wish I could talk to somebody who has been through this.

[@rosiecheeks.k]

Omg this is a frickin checklist!!! Every single one!The 'in a crisis' i resisted and THEN the minute i caved and they were around family etc i was insulted to such heights my headcspun. Question though do u reckon it is a poss' a person is a covert narcissist and doesn't even realize?

[@MR-tr2fz]

Perhaps they don't know the term 'narcissist'. But they do know they're malicious and abusive.

[@vittoriaboylan777]

Thanks for your video. yeah, i have received all the gifts you have mentioned. i just received a text that stated, "have you really given up on us?"