Bouncing back from being hoovered

[@christinastrehle1528]

We should celebrate the day we were released from these demons. Thats what I do!😊

[@HaleyMary]

I celebrate that, too! I call it freedom day. As much as I would love to meet a guy and fall in love, I have met too many narcissists who have tried to coerce me, bully me or have been the type to fall in love with me too soon before really getting to know me (the classic love bombing). I much prefer taking time to myself and watch a movie or my favorite show. My cat is my Valentine.

[@karikells]

@@HaleyMary Me too! I call it My Independence Day. :-D The only valentines "I" send are from my cats to their vet & their other favorite people. HA!

[@lauragouldson9247]

Great idea.....30th October 2020

[@Picca65]

I do! April 7 2014

[@Semiramis126]

WELL said !! The best line.

[@bad_egg000]

it's okay to be single and happy than be with someone feeling empty 💪

[@saraadams9518]

absolutely agree.

[@otismeotisme7987]

Exactly don't call with bs

[@swimlaps1]

So true!

[@kimslone5185]

If we get hoovered on Valentine's day, things are obviously not going so well with the new supply. Remember this, and that we are stronger than the hoovering narc.

[@Picca65]

So true!!! I got hoovered before christmas. Same idea.

[@privateprivate8366]

Mevrouw Hekstra my mother’s has tried to both reign me in, using the police, since before Thanksgiving and hoover me until after New Year’s. But, she called Christmas night to ask me what to do as, my sister, the new Golden Child had gotten enraged at her and did everything but hit her. I told her to call the police, if she feels her life is in danger. I sure AF wasn’t going up there, getting involved. But, yeah, I have assumed, for the past 3 years that, if I hear from her, her new supply is going soft or she’s run into a business or personal business problem, that she feels I can fix. Doesn’t matter or isn’t acknowledged in her head, how she’s treated me. I’m supposed to be on tap and love has nothing to do with it.

[@Picca65]

@@privateprivate8366 glad you recognize. Move on♡

[@privateprivate8366]

Mevrouw Hekstra ❤️.

[@otismeotisme7987]

Girl I didn't text back I laughed instead I won I golden goble for my goodbye performance 🔪🔪🥤🥃

[@eeshasondhi3942]

I almost feel like you are my personal therapist... thank you so much Dr. Ramani for helping me out through the dark times. ❤️❤️❤️

[@catherinepraus8635]

I feel the same way her insight is amazing

[@catherinepraus8635]

I watched a documentary yesterday about the origin of valentines day its actually a pagan Ritual very interesting

[@saraadams9518]

IKR?

[@eeshasondhi3942]

@@catherinepraus8635 agreed! When I 1st watched her video on how to spot a narcissist, I gasped real hard throughout the video lol...cause it felt like Dr. Ramani has personal met the narcissist in my life. The precision was remarkable 🙈

[@eeshasondhi3942]

@@catherinepraus8635 ooh cool! What's the documentary called?

[@af3893]

I've come to understand that if I get hoovered back in, it won't be long before I'm punished for all the "injuries" he thinks I committed against him. Use caution ⚠️ the retaliation is real, and possibly dangerous.

[@BuckyTater]

Be careful coz nothing will have changed in the narcs mind .. just a matter of time before it gets worse. Your worth more than that. Be strong now so you continue to protect yourself. I speak through what I lived through. Bless you.

[@steve4524]

100% this. The discard will happen and it will be worse.

[@suzanne4396]

@A F Tell Me, please... WHAT do you do.. When you are being Punished by the Narc......... ..... Please. I did something very hurtful to him--- because of his non-stop cruel treatment--- I Dumped him, and said I was going out with someone else. ( which of course I Wasn't).. But was back to him in 2 days---- Apologizing. Groveling. Telling him how much I Love him... That I'd Never leave him... But. He's " hurt"... ( narc injury) And so he's Punishing me... - denying me time with him. -- telling me he doesn't know if he'll EVER get the feelings back, again. -- telling me he's not " physically attracted to ME ", right now. And doesn't know if he Ever will be again... -- so please share some words of Wisdom on how to deal with this. The Punishment. The long, drawn-out, slow torture.. PS-- he "agreed" to See Me yesterday-- Valentine's day--- but..only so I could "do something" for him,.. If you know what I mean. 😔😔😔 and telling me that "sometime" down the road he MAY return the favor--- but right now "he just doesn't feel it." .. . sigh.

[@af3893]

@@suzanne4396 My ex targeted the things I cared about, my kids. Wrecked my reputation, threatened my livelihood, inflicted many abuses to my person. Why or what did I do? The answer is nothing, he did it because he must, or because it's Tuesday, because it made him feel good or powerful in that moment. For me, I didn't have to do anything, he would find an excuse, or make one up. Proximity is key 🔑, no contact as much as possible in your own situation, strong boundaries, enlisting a therapist with trauma experience will go a long way. Contact your local domestic violence service, many times you can obtain free services to help you with therapy, court, and housing. Hope this helps, the best choice is rarely the easy one.

[@af3893]

@@suzanne4396 on a side note, its a liberating moment to finally walk away for good.

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

Got a FB message out of the blue after 7yrs of leaving ex BF narc with no contact. As soon as I saw that face in the circle pop up on my phone I said "oh no! No way!". And I swiped the face and the unread message off my phone, went back and resecured my privacy on Facebook, and re blocked him. The next day I get 3 hang up calls in a row from him. Now THAT'S the real narc reacting to my rejection. I felt a tinge of guilt - but I remembered how far I have come with no contact - and it's wonderful!

[@cherrybacon3319]

Keep going!!

[@missminti]

Mine came back after 12 years!!! I gave in and rekindled with him for a couple months. When we saw eachother he started abusing me within 24 hours. He was an also strung out on cocain and looked like hell. THEY GET WORSE.

[@garycordle5295]

I feel really good about not being in a relationship, because at the end of the day you need to count on yourself and love yourself.

[@daleswain9520]

I remember making Valentine’s Day bags and giving valentines at school. I too loved them! Even if they were fake love, it was more than I got from my mom. I’m just over a month out of my narc relationship. I laid in bed all day Saturday listening to your videos and feeling like I didn’t matter until I made myself get up and go to church yesterday and was reminded that can get love from Jesus everyday, I don’t need a man to love me. (Honestly still learning that,.. I did do some crying yesterday too) how on earth at 60 did I end up so broken. Ugh. I don’t want fake love any more. I want the real deal!

[@peterknyk1942]

Hi Dale....your comment makes me sad....yet I see courage and strength in your words....you are surving....cry as much as you are able....it has helped me so often, and, yes, I cried yesterday....many blessings are coming your way because you have earned them...🙏🙏🙏

[@jeseniagalindez9120]

I went to church yesterday too & thought the same

[@Lakishia]

Omg same!!!! I was depressed all Saturday then did the online sermons Sunday and read my bible and was feeling good all V day!

[@coreyhaga2623]

Give yourself at least 6 months before moving on , rediscover who you are . Live strong , live free and live well 😇

[@jeseniagalindez9120]

@@coreyhaga2623 great advice

[@Hitomiaka]

Yep got hoovered. He gave me money, flowers and chocolate. Then wanted to argue with me

[@youtubechannel8276]

Thats a red flag for sure. If you want more arguments from him go back because that's all you will get. Stay strong and don't go back.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

Guilt flowers. Yeah nah.

[@brettanderson4021]

Take these gifts so I can get my punching bag back... yeah, nah bite me... not for sale

[@raccuia1]

And how many times have you fallen for the hoover? Will you fall for it again?

[@hashmcgee7509]

They aren't guilt flowers.. they're a gift to you so that you "feel obligated" to give them something back..but when you didn't, he got mad!! Haha they're so predictable... Narcissists never feel guilty, ever! They might pretend they do IF they're desperate for you to forgive them..and remember, they only want you to forgive them because they want something from you....and then the whole cycle starts again!

[@carolv1791]

Got a card, gave a card. Got hovered, my daughter is out of the country & my bubble is small cause of the Pandemic & no one around. I thought I have no expectations cause I get what he is all about. Well I wasn't mental or physically well enough to take the gaslighting or any of the other nasty comments. The fun things we did for 2 days wasn't really worth all the aggravation. I feel sad & stupid for ever thinking it would be better than being alone all weekend cause it wasn't. I had a slip, I will get up dust myself off and continue on.

[@af3893]

Been there, slips are rough. They did make me stronger and more resistant, and sounds like you have that too. Still rough though, thanks for sharing ❤

[@carolv1791]

@@af3893 thanks for the support. It isn't easy, not sure what the attraction is. Loneliness, how I was raised, maybe both.

[@af3893]

@@carolv1791 I understand, its been 2 years since I left my ex and I'm still not ready to date in earnest. I've had moments where I thought maybe a brief hook up would be nice, because I felt lonely and I found comfort in the familiar. It was alarming and even though I didn't act, it scared me to think I'd considered it in the first place. Ive been through the Hoover with him for over a decade and I got sucked back in many times, I thought I had it down by now, but I realize that, like an addiction, its something I'll always have to keep in check. Its the nature of the experience and the long term effects that follow.

[@carolv1791]

@@af3893 Amen, you are spot on. I let my guard down. I am even surprised myself how I let that happen, AGAIN! GEEEZZZ

[@jpeter646]

It’s a sick addiction and I’ve been on that wheel too, you’re not alone.

[@annalynsheffield8919]

Reciprocity!! This is a revelation to me.

[@KvonD9836]

Everyday is Valentine's day without a crazy lying narc in your life! Loving yourself; everyday, forever.

[@colbysmom56]

I was in the grocery store yesterday and a young guy had purchased the sweetest, tiniest, floral arrangement I have every seen. He had it carefully wrapped in paper to protect it against the elements (it was -27) and just the beaming look on his face as he was walking out to deliver his token of love! I was happy for him. Here's to the hope for a love we all deserve!

[@deantaylor1512]

These are tiny miracles that you see from time to time … they truly give you strength to move forwards … May you see many more just when you need them.

[@jenifersnyder8778]

I got Hoover'd 2 months after a discard. A week before V Day and it was such a kick in the teeth. Degrading! Literally telling me how beautiful I was and he always should've told me that bc he can't find someone as "beautiful" as me..then proceeded to tell me how its just physically speaking though and IF I would drop my "psycho babble BS, we would have something" ...such a manipulator and also insulting to point out he only valued the I looked and AGAIN blamed his mistreatment on me..or actually didn't even acknowledge it and still blamed me...He actually said he wanted to meet at a hotel one night...I sat there reading this stuff and I was so in shock all over again and feeling so devalued by a man I literally months prior was building a home with..he's become a total DEMON. A complete stranger to me...his mask is totally off and is a disgusting human being. No wonder he had to discard me...had to be really hard to keep up all those lies and when I confronted him and demanded we speak...He left and I never saw him again. Only tied up logistics via email..these people are Demonic.

[@Picca65]

They are!

[@CL-fs3kt]

It JUST happened to me!!! Called me to “greet” me for Valentine’s Day, 20 minutes later is asking me to get into my car and come to his house. I asked him how lonely he must be to try and do that, he got offended and said he’s not lonely, he’s already in a relationship...AS THE OTHER MAN with a girl who already has a boyfriend! Karma is sweet. Keep hanging in there. Just keep reminding yourself they don’t change.

[@missa4026]

Wow sounds very similar. If we do xyz we can always be so great for them. It's never because they are what they are, or do what they do that causes the end of the marriage/relationship. Why when they get called out on anything they disappear? All the same games.

[@jenifersnyder8778]

@@missa4026 I wish I knew about this sort of thing years ago. I was always told it was me..a few times hed throw in an " Hey I'm not always perfect myself, I know." then promptly circle back to me again...so weird how they all pretty much react the same way..can you imagine ??? I was also told to NEVER bring up something to him that upset me while he was discussing any issue he had with me..seemed reasonable until you start trying to keep peace in confusion so much you never dare bring anything to him anymore bc the talks are so sanity draining you can't bare the thought of initiating another mind numbing talk! So then it was always him just telling me what to do or change. That was my experience anyway! EXHAUSTING!

[@Samantha2209]

Omg “if only you’d stop you’re psycho babble”!! That hit too close to home. It’s like they all bought the “shitty things to say to your partner to mess with their heads” audiobook and they play it on repeat.

[@devidaughter7782]

I like the idea of taking 'valentines day' back to that child-like place where its more about acknowledging our many relationships, and doing small things that bring a smile. each holiday offers us an opportunity for re-invention, to find new ways to 'celebrate' that fit for where we're at right now. 'creative re-inventing' certainly feels better than when I have taken a 'scrooge-like bah humbug' attitude, being contemptuous of and dismissing the holiday all together!

[@charlottebeeckman]

I was doing so great, I was healing so well, I did not receive a message yesterday but oh god I cried so much yesterday and just broke down. And it now feels like I'm 5 steps behind again. The confusion hit again, the missing him, the loving of what I thought was he as a person, it all came crushing in from seeing all these stupid love posts and commercials. My head is spinning again and even though I am not alone, this day made me feel so lonely... thank you dr. Ramani and this platform for not making me feel so alone in this process

[@cyndiatseng9999]

You are not alone! I’m also in this healing process! I cried a lot last night too but I know leaving him is the best decision I’ve ever made! They can’t become who we want them to be

[@jennysathya6112]

Definitely not alone ☺️

[@Picca65]

Maybe it helps to write it down, just to get it out of your head a bit. I don't know if it works for you, it helps me a lot.

[@charlottebeeckman]

@@Picca65 I actually have written a lot of poems about this, it helps but not enough sometimes. I hope this whole experience will just he a scar at some point and not an open wound anymore

[@Picca65]

@@charlottebeeckman it will! At least, that's my experience with my ex. I even remember some good times and can talk about them. The focus isn't on the bad anymore :)

[@demigaines5644]

Its Very Hard Bouncing Back From Being Hovered. Its Very Hard /Challenging After Having Had No Contact And Then Outta No Where Ur Hoovered.Narcisstic Ppl Have Cleaver Tricks In Their Tool🎒 Bag.Going No Contact Is So Incredibly Important To Healing Narcissist Will Nevet Stop Their Cat And Mouse Games.

[@SallyKlee]

The reason why I "discovered" this channel was a relationtip with a narc. They say, everything happens for a reason and binge watching these videos helped me understand many things that happened in my disfunctional family. Paradoxically, my ex-narc has his birthday on Valentine's day and yesterday, for the first time in 4 years after breaking up, I ignored it completely without feeling guilty *yippieee* I was soooooo happy! That was my Valentine's celebration! Went for a long walk with my dog and had a relaxing day off the way I like it. Here in Europe you don't get 50% discount on chocolates after this day. But it doesn't matter. I got my favorite chocolate chip cookies and this feeling of emotional freedom! Thank you again, Dr. Ramani!!

[@caffeineaddict8929]

I’ve been exposing so I’m not worth hovering.I’m a nightmare to them now, I released the Kraken😂Now they’re playing the Woe is me victim😂I’m enjoying the show.I woke up decades ago.

[@christina91x]

😂😂🙌🏻 he called me the Gestapo „nazi police“ as I caught him cheating and lying the second time! Guess he is now running away from me! Glorious picture to think about!

[@ms.newcomerteacher6554]

Good for you!

[@s.h9407]

I used to get bothered a lot by the Narc, not any more and I just laugh at them😄Thank you for your videos.

[@otismeotisme7987]

I am going to do the same. Up in my face telling me about me and they couldn't catch me running and looking ugly🥃🔪🍹

[@0famz]

Yeah me too, but now the things they say amuse me because it makes no sense

[@Heavenleerev]

Didn't get hoovered. After going back 2x during the past 2 yesrs, I learned a very hard lesson. Last year he found a new permanent supply, and I fully woke up. I know it can be really hard! Stay strong. Pick yourself up, learn the lesson, and keep it moving. I love myself to know I don't want to settle again.

[@minnesotajude8447]

I’m not a little girl, but as a guy, I understand what you mean. I remember Valentines Day at school, it felt awkward.

[@emmas2771]

Thank you for reminding us of the importance of reciprocity. An essential attribute of a loving and long lasting relationship.

[@1991windsor]

I was also a young child in the 70's and I loved being creative and decorating my Valentine box every year.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I recently was hovered twice in a fortnight. I saw blocked messages. I did replay the vm- and, realized, it didn't have as much sting as a year ago.

[@amays7720]

The 50% of chocolates is my favorite part or this "holiday "

[@emilyplantsmusic]

Same here! And discounted plants 🥰🍫🪴💐

[@amays7720]

@@emilyplantsmusic yes!

[@christinajones3022]

He called 5 times as a private caller. I never answered

[@raghvijain8606]

I got texts like "happy valentine's day" "please call me I miss you, am I this bad that I don't even deserve a call" but I was strong enough to not reply to him although that day didn't went well.

[@CL-fs3kt]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@otismeotisme7987]

The next day is single awareness day. All is not lost you have all week to feel your love for you not him . So go🍸🍾🥃🥤🍹🍸

[@SjofnBM1989]

"Am I this bad that I don't even deserve a call." Yup. Yes you are.

[@isabelleparise5607]

I always love to give etc...but I hate when the society tells me when I should celebrate love for others. I do not follow and it triggers sad memory. Like the people have to show attention to us only on that day.

[@Feribrat99]

You are so right.I did not fall off of the turnip truck either. Roses and a fricking cake when he cannot even say a word about what is so wrong. LOL. I did not cave. You are one of the many reasons why, Love you for that... Thank you and happy 500,000 day to you. You nailed it with the reciprocity thing and thank you for that. It was my only delight in the whole thing as well. Just wow. what a gift you just gave me. I also have my birthday on Dec. 25th and we share a lot of commonality in perspective. You are doing us all a great service and that is a Valentine I will gladly accept.

[@af3893]

Me, too! Here, here! 🥂

[@saraadams9518]

Lend some strength my way today please; it's an anniversary date of the worst kind. It's the anniversary of my father, my hero, my narc protector, my father. My mom and I are no contact for 4 years. My life has been better for that. But, I find that sometimes as equally as hurt and lost, like bit of an orphan. I haven't spoken to my brother, the Golden child, in 14 years. I am better for that too. I realize it's just the void of my father's presence, but, somehow I grieve the sadness of feeling "more alone" as it FEELS like my entire family ceases to exist. It's confusing on this day; this anniversary. Any words of wisdom, thoughts, etc. I really openly welcome it. I hope that makes sense.

[@af3893]

You know what I tell my kiddo when she's feeling this way? I tell her, as much as it hurts, it also means she is a beautiful person with the capacity to feel love, who is strong and protects herself from relationships she knows aren't good for her. Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest ones to make. Luckily, with love in your heart and wisdom on your shoulder, you'll find real love and family in this world.

[@eeshasondhi3942]

More strength to you Sara! 💛

[@saraadams9518]

@@af3893 thank you for taking the time to lend some words of wisdom and validation I know to be true in my heart of hearts.

[@saraadams9518]

thank you. You are appreciated.

[@af3893]

@@saraadams9518 it feels lonely, my kids and I feel that, too. It comes and goes, and we're not alone, so thank you for sharing your story, it helps us too.

[@215hana]

You are literally the OG! This happened to me yesterday on Valentine’s Day !! Narcissists are soooo predictable !!

[@juliejulian]

In my home country, the day is called “dia del amor y la amistad “ (the day of love and friendship), and it celebrates all loves, not just romantic love. I don’t like valentines in the US either

[@lesleymichelle2806]

I'm still married so no Hoover I guess but this Valentine's Day was the first year that neither of us got the other so much as a card. Holidays and special occasions in general are usually hell in one way or another with him, so I was mentally prepared for that now that I've learned about that pattern (took only 15 years to see it!) but I was still kind of hurt that he didn't even make an attempt. I don't know why it hurt so much especially since I've been trying to disengage to avoid the continual pain, but it did hurt. I focused on making my kids have a good day with chocolates and balloons. Gifts are not my love language anyways but my darn heart was still hoping for something, anything, that showed that he cared.

[@willow2772]

I felt the same way a couple years back. I’m still ‘married ‘ also but because of financial reasons, I’m stuck for now. You have to get to the point of ‘radical acceptance ‘ which I had to do. I expect absolutely nothing from him & vice versa. Place value in yourself & surround yourself with those who do love & appreciate you (kids, friends, your pet, etc). I know it’s tough, but you’ll get there 🙂❤️.

[@someonerandom256]

He did it because he knew it would hurt. He knows you're drawing away and he wants you to feel pain. He wants you to think "This is what it would be like if I was single and didn't have someone to give me a Valentine."

[@carlarochachi5331]

@@someonerandom256 you are right. He did it because he knew it would hurt. And there is no shame in that. You are a normal human being with a beating heart. It was truly hurtful, dont deny it. Accept it and move on. Just like they deny you intimacy on any way. You are beautiful and your children love you, and as cheesy as it sounds, Your Father inHeaven loves you.

[@mybobblehatandme]

Dr. ramani, I was never hoovered. It took me a lot of self work and Healing to realize that not being hoovered was actually a good thing for me, I was lucky. I'm still handling the aftermath of the narc abuse - a nasty divorce, physical illness, loss of business, moving cities, losing social network etc. And all if this was made so much harder because I still struggle with the feeling sometimes that I may not have been good enough to be hoovered.

[@noracharles9366]

You ARE good enough and i so understand 🎭

[@shinebright9490]

Yesterday would have been our 7th Anniversary. Gave me a ring last year and discarded me 4.5 months later like trash. It's been 7 months and I'm a trainwreck. I thought maybe yesterday, was the day! But NOTHING! He left me, and never looked back - had new supply waiting - yet has pure hate towards me!!??? I dont get it !!!!! I've been left with feeling like trash, lesser than, not good enough, hated, and not good enough even to be hoovered? Wow ... ..... And, off he went into his new life and happy land. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. And nobody understands. I've heard and read Covert Narcissists do not hoover - is this true?

[@zillinalovedance]

Thankyou for sharing your love, concern, knowledge, not only today but always. May you be blessed! 💌.Shalom! 💖

[@kristib1693]

This has been the best Valentine's for me because no one else ruined it. I have my cat and I treated myself all day. It felt good to have the kind of romantic day I deserve. I guess I lucked out that my ex narc never cared about the holidays, anniversaries or my birthday. He hasn't bothered me on these days. Though he may just crawl out from whatever rock he's under out of boredom or losing supply again. Thank you for this video!

[@tripsyvision]

Narcissist is the evil spirit. A spell in a human body. To bring down people who actually have a heart and can actually feel emotions.

[@IoH_AwoL]

I had the same tradition in school too. Valentine's day is chocolate day for me now.. LOL Merci, Dr. Ramani! ♥

[@mariehughey5390]

Hoovered today by the enabler, my birthday. I went no contact in 2019 without explanation. Hoovered several times by the narc. This is the first one in 5 years from the enabler. I almost responded, but decided to watch like five videos in a row. I feel better. Thank you.

[@user-hz5sq5cb1o]

I bought myself a box of chocolates. More than I ever got from him on any special day. No hoover and I am quite sure I will never - suits me fine.

[@rebeccablankenship4710]

Dr. Ramani, you are a gift to humanity. I find myself wondering what kind of self love you engage in. Someone who does so much for so many probably has to re-energize and heal on a major level. I hope you’re able to do that. You’re so precious. Thank you for everything you do and all the wisdom you share. It’s mind boggling to imagine how many humans you have impacted. I know for me, the impact has been enormous. Sometimes I find myself replacing those lies and ugly words in my head with your calm, wise voice and words. Thank you.

[@melissaadams8773]

Sadly, the relationship I'm in right now does no have any reciprocity in it at all. No back n forth caring, no empathy. Oh, I have plenty of it, but I receive none back. I'll be moving on soon enough. In the meantime, I'm just waiting...I'm sure he hoovered or was hoovered, but I sure as hell didn't get one minute of care, love, or value yesterday.

[@teripersson1308]

We walk away when the time is right. I got hoovered back but I look back on that now and feel I needed that to happen- for me to finally realise enough was enough. For me to walk away once and for all

[@alohilani1111]

I have become desensitized to this day and others...it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love, I just know in reality it’s not all hearts and fiery love, but just another day of broken expectations and let down of the soul.

[@jennysathya6112]

Couldn't explain how hard it was yes especially when I found out tat he was back with his ex girlfriend sucks but then better off without him🥰

[@Samantha2209]

Just in case you needed a hug, here’s a virtual one sweetie 🫂. I know it doesn’t feel the same as a real one, but know that many have us have felt that sucky “pit in your stomach” when you see them with someone else. All I can say is, if you really keep no-contact, it gets better and better each time. 🤗

[@jennysathya6112]

Thank u so much 🥰

[@alyshasarah]

This women is my saviour. Everytime my abusive ex “hoovers” and tries to beg for me to come back and swears they’ve changed and I start to believe it I just watch these videos and it snaps me out of it. Thankyou so much

[@elisasendova162]

OMG! Just spot on video! I was hoovered last night with the message "Happy Valentines!" Even though I blocked him, he has another profile. I am steady now, thinking of blocking him again, or just not reacting at all. Thank you for this video Dr.Ramani! ♥️🙏🏻

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen]

This is the video I needed right now to remind myself to NOT answer the very recent hoover I received. Thanks again, Dr. Ramani! 💗

[@samantharivera6799]

got hoovered 2 weeks ago by the narc and it upsets me i let my guard down again and i know she feels power from it. but im determined to never talk or look at her again. It is hard bc we work together and at this point i think i need a new one 😩

[@Emile-philia]

I put so little stock into these "holidays" that I didn't even fully realise someone tried to hover me yesterday until I watched this video. Glad I didn't respond whatsoever. Happy to say also that I'm not falling for it anymore.

[@maureenblanchard3323]

I loved Valentine's Day in Elementary School too. One year, maybe 5 years ago I bought and filled out the old Valentine's like in grade school and passed one to everyone I met that day, whether it was the drivethrough person at coffee shop or someone on street or someone coming into the store I worked at. It was great fun.😊

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

I’m totaled abhorred Valentine’s Day too!!!!! Agreed 💯 perfect 👍🏻

[@jds0981]

Whew. I took another listen to this video and "relationships as balanced spaces" hit me on a whole new level. Thanks.

[@Tarsarian]

Keep your walls and distance up! Holidays are no excuse to let that NARC attack you!

[@otismeotisme7987]

I will be there for that.

[@dianestuckenberg9944]

Beautiful... I love this reminder. Thank you.

[@jasonjohnson9810]

I'm so glad I found you on here doc thank you for you info think of the lives you will save on here wish I had awareness like this 20 yrs ago

[@carolinechadarevian115]

Unfortunately i hoovered myself and sucked myself back everytime as the trauma bonding is soooo strong. Sad and funny me. He asks me to leave when he is done and i come back giving "myself" chances. I had hopes ..

[@teripersson1308]

Most genuine people like to give because of the pleasure it brings. They don't expect anything back. With a Narcissist you certainly don't get anything back. They are so cold and selfish you do begin to wonder why you aren't getting anything in return. Whether it's a gift, a hug or even a simple thought. Don't hold your breath!

[@joannetier3044]

A day late but he gave our son a card for me, a card filled with regrets, love and hopes, he put in photos of our relationship over the 18 years together. I don’t feel anything, I won’t be responding, I feel pity for him. ❤️

[@KK-om2ig]

Congratzzz Dr Ramani for 500k❤ and as always amazing video👌👌

[@candimartin6361]

Great word for this year...reciprocity!

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Candi Martin,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!

[@dianelindenberger6941]

I got a hoover and now triggered and depressed.......

[@kiara4972]

(2/2)... I didn't do it last year, cause he is a member of my political family, but now I said THAT'S ENOUGH!! I Couldn't stand him anymore. And suddenly, I felt really released and in peace. So, yesterday, I had a beautiful Valentine's day with Hpnotinis and shrimps with my family. You are so right. Contact CERO is the key, and IT'S MY POWER OVER HIM. THANK YOU DR!! 😘❤️

[@carlarochachi5331]

Im currently in a relationship with a narc. I get hoovered every holiday, i just realized. Yesterday was no different. Gave me jewelry, and i loved it. BUT for the first time, i looked at it with open eyes. I know one day ill be caught that i got him. So far he doesnt know yet. But its crazy how you cannot unsee it. Thanks dr. Ramani and thanks to this community

[@Hing138]

I just got out of a relationship this morning. It was mutual and we ended on good terms. Happy day after Valentine’s Day! I love my memories of Valentine’s Day because I had fun lunches with my mom and siblings. We’d eat out with our little plate lunches and our mom writes letters to each of us on how much she loves and appreciates us. I love Valentine’s Day for that. I love that I’m gonna be okay even though I might have a relapse. I love that I’m learning to love myself. Thanks Dr. Ramani. ☺️

[@ae1008]

I recently broke no contact, I started to have “hope” like you said in another video. I decided today to restart it. I forgave myself.. it is like an addiction.. I miss him, but they way he discarded me and my son was horrendous. I have to remind myself of how blindsided I was and how unbelievably confused and hurt I was. This will help me stay in no contact.

[@peterknyk1942]

Dr. Ramani! That is such a SWEET story about your childhood! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ My children did the same thing in school as they were growing up! Thank you so much for bringing back some beautiful memories of another time! ❤️❤️❤️ It was pure unadulterated reciprocal sharing of humans caring for a day.....❤️❤️

[@Coral_Forever]

Thank you again! I have similar school memories of Valentine's Day. It was somehow reassuring that on that one part of one day, in elementary school, there were no cliques. Your video is making me think!

[@TheRantanplan2009]

Every time I see Mrs Ramani I feel so good! 8)

[@redsage5954]

The Valentines story of when you were a kid reminded me of my memories of Valentines in my school. 😀

[@pauline-v3b]

Valentine's Day means nothing to me. Thanks for the video 💕

[@elizadarcy8641]

Congrats on half a million subscribers doc! 🥳You deserve it. Thanks for your hard work and dedication. You’ve educated so many people and changed many lives.

[@emilyloucks5907]

The Valentine's day elementary school ritual for me was an exercise in humanity. The idea that you may not like that one kid, but you WILL respect them enough as a human to honor them by not leaving them out.

[@SickNCrazed]

I never felt more free, the first couple of days it hurt so much, but with enough truth from her and the small amount of evidence that I’ve gathered. I end up really not caring anymore for such a cruel and uncaring person, who just got bored of our relationship. Thank God, I didn’t have a lot of money because she would’ve drained me dry. I like how the universe gives me all of my blessings after the relationship ❤️, thank you god.

[@MsHannahFlower]

Dr Ramani- Your videos have given me so much strength to free myself from my narcissistic mother. Finally, at age 28, I feel like I can begin to live my OWN life. My therapist and I highly suspect my mom has Borderline Personality Disorder. I'd really love and appreciate if you could make a video diving into the overlapping of Borderline PO and Narcissism... Your insight would help me immensely along my healing journey, and I'm sure many others as well!

[@rusinhouston]

One of the things with borderline disorder is, change of moods, like rapid, angry a lot and very unstable. And they do overlap with NpD often .

[@John-N797]

You nailed it Dr Ramani! This Valentine day nonsense is more damaging to many people than we could ever imagine. I abhor Valentines too. When you are in a narcissistic relationship or you have been in one, Valentines will not mean much to you. After all why be loved or love only once a year? Shouldn't it be a daily thing that requires no effort or finances? Narcissists love Valentines because they can pretend, gaslight and inflict guilt to the max! Its their day!

[@bettybargain4324]

Wonderful video! It's all about reciprocity, or lack thereof. I appreciate your childhood story and humor at the end as well. ❤😊

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Betty Bargain,I admire your lovely smile 😊!

[@bettybargain4324]

@@oscarwilliamson1264 😂😉

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

@@bettybargain4324 you are welcome my dearest 🌹🌷🌷.I'm Oscar Williamson from the States.You?

[@HaleyMary]

My mom and I did the same thing on Valentine's day when I was in grade school. I gave out Valentine's cards to a lot of my classmates, unless they were a bully to me, then I wouldn't give them a card.

[@monicarai1497]

Thank you so much Dr Ramani. I went for dinner all by myself.

[@rhobot75]

We're basically the same age. I grew up in San Mateo in California, the Peninsula and do you remember AUTOGRAPH BOOKS?!? I'm flashing on my two autograph books (that I still have to this DAY and cherish for the insight they show me about who people thought I was then, or yes, as the doc is saying, the reciprocity and cherishing. High school year books, signing books is another. I still HAVE some old Valentines from when I was a girl.. they are precious. Plus the art! So CUUUTE! --front porch chair rocks and someone exhales, Aaiy!

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Rho Bot,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!

[@patriciasquared]

Thank you so much for all of your videos! My now ex narcissist revealed a sliver of his betrayal on 2/16. I walked away from him on 2/20, contacted his other woman on 2/23, and she and I both confronted him. He disappeared into the woodwork. The other woman and I have been supporting each other as we navigate this strange grief. Thankfully, she and I quickly realized after exchanging info / timelines that the lies we knew about were the tip of the iceberg. She and I also agree on him being a narcissist. Your videos are really helping me to process and heal. I ended up having a vivid dream about him last night, hoovering me one more time and I took him back. at the end of the dream I thought "how am I going to explain this to my friends? to my therapist?" and in the dream I knew I couldn't and that taking him back would never be an option. For all of you in similar situations, be strong! You are already so strong! Now you get to put all of your energy and creativity back into yourself and the people who truly value you.

[@ycdbralai]

I like the less sterile background and the light in the previous shooting setup better. I still love the content on this channel 🙏❤

[@allme985]

Thank you for your courage to share this info! You are such a blessing 🤗

[@amelajay]

Thank you. Right on with the timing. I enjoyed yesterday for a day.to celebrate and express love to my kids, my parents, friends, etc... love takes on many forms.

[@ambargalvan350]

2021 - The Year of Reciprocity! Relationships are about maintaining a balance of love and respect. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@kennethcollins178]

I received a Valentine's Day hoover. Honestly, I cannot wrap my head around it.

[@otismeotisme7987]

Yes you will 🚩

[@rusinhouston]

Narc wants his throne back. Simple. Then , same thing will happen and you will regret taking the bait

[@kashashaw79]

It was the knowing everyone's name and them knowing mine....my children now want their new friend's names spelled correctly. They also cherish the cards, as do I.....the colors each chose, the penmanship. The difficult task of writing all these names in elementary school. The time they take to include everyone♡ As a child sexual assault survivor, and an older teen sexual assault survivor, reclaiming that childlike truth that everyone is precious, worthy, and capable of love if they choose to grow has definately been a discipline. Thank you Dr for your beauty, humor, honesty, protective shield you seem to naturally put up for us, and standards, helping us recognize our love is being compromised. When you said " humble never goes out of style", I knew you were one of the soundest teachers I have ever heard. We love continuing to listen and learn. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

[@nicoleestella7967]

Wow! So true! When I speak to my divorced, I start normal and then a cloud takes over my mind and I just consent! Thanks for speaking of that!!

[@yvonneflanagan2312]

Yep! I’ve tested the limits number of times, flowers for birthday when getting divorced! The tiger bit numerous times.... but I have called him out so many times, no more hoover thank god and he’s now unfortunately for her giving all his shit to new supply!♥️♥️🤪

[@Kat-tr2ig]

I have all of my exes blocked on all fronts (phone, social media, etc), so no V-day hoovering here. Thank God. I remember loving Valentine's Day in school. We'd decorate shoe boxes and since art was the only thing I was good at I made sure that my box was the prettiest. Then, when I'd get home, I'd go through all of my cards with so much joy. It didn't matter I was the "poor girl at a rich school" and all of my classmates despised me, it felt so special.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Reciprocity, so important to remember. I struggle on Valentine’s Day for sure because of these things, but I still enjoy it, focusing on the love I have in my life with family and friends, the fun of it all, and self love. It can still be enjoyable and positive if you claim it and make it your own. 💖😊❤️✨

[@vibehigh5280]

Reciprocity indeed!! 😊

[@1moola]

Feb. 14, also known as Single Awareness Day! My holiday is Feb. 15th, Half Price Chocolates Day! Thanks for this video, and for all that you do.

[@auntdanilyn2215]

I am single and very happy. I don't like Valentine's Day and I was happy to have work on Valentine's Day.

[@drweche3153]

Dr. Ramani knows!

[@arenee118]

I did the same thing in school. I think it was to practice our printing and later our writing. I hated it because we didn't have to give cards to people you didn't like. I gave to everyone, but got only nine or ten.

[@alatea4068]

The story of Valentine's day as a kid was such a pleasure to listen to, I want to hug that little girl with cards:) And the point of reciprocity is precious, as for people who were hurt it can be a struggle to both give and take.

[@goatvomit]

Every holiday there's a hoovering attempt by my exBFF with BPD. I have narc's in my life (which is why I'm subbed to this channel) but this video is really reminding me to stay away from hoovering attempts from exBFF.

[@Light-jc3fj]

Gee I needed this today, thanks doc. 🙂

[@begrateful6153]

When I was single for over EIGHT years after my narcissist ex-husband, Valentine’s Day was my favorite day because I felt empowered to not need a man. Instead, I brought flowers and dinner for my single-mom neighbors. Now that I’m married to an amazing man mA, we do t even celebrate it because we know it’s only another day. Instead I continue my old tradition of making the day beautiful for my single-moms!