10 Nonverbal Abuse Tactics

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I grew up believing that everyone was doing the best they can, and everyone had good intentions. These false beliefs led me into the talons of so many human predators.

[@tiffanybluetarot]

@@rubberbiscuit99 same. I never knew people could be so predatory. I thought that was reserved for folks the likes of Jeffrey Dahmer. Alas, no. We have to be so cautious.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

@@tiffanybluetarot ❤️

[@Portia620]

Agreed!!!

[@AndreaBaumann-b1i]

Me too! You’re not alone.

[@customera7945]

Same here. I've always been too kind, forgiving, and generous.

[@carolentringer8836]

1. Silent treatment 2. Loud sighs 3. Purposely trying to annoy you 4. Inconsistent body language 5. Mocking or dismissive gestures, mimic 6. Sabotage 7. Gaslight in nonverbal ways 8. Passive-aggressive behavior 9. Delayed responses 10. Turn their back and ignore “ you have been dismissed”. Why? 1. To reinforce their victim stance 2. To maintain control over you 3. To avoid accountability for their actions

[@intellectually_lazy]

thank you. that saves me time

[@cc1k435]

A pretty comprehensive list. 😢

[@robertlstrand]

Itt is Sad and destruktive and don't help ennything. Saundes like mye famely and the crazy nebors dath are ivele lyers i am sorry 2 say😮😢

[@leonardodakimchi]

Mhmm

[@intellectually_lazy]

@@robertlstrand that sucks. good luck

[@VikingSpirit942]

21 years of dealing with this- it escalated when I finally started to stand up for myself. I am now free of the silent treatment, blame, sighs, ruined holidays and birthdays, side eye, rolled eye, starey scary eyes, intimidating scary body language, sudden rages, dangerous driving and above all I don’t have to be the reliable boring backstop that keeps the whole family afloat while they lost job after job due to their constant conflicts at work (which were never their fault) and cheating. Hallelujah I got it out of my life.

[@lainaentzminger9903]

Yes

[@SuzannaLiessa]

Yes! He started to escalate when I went into grad school, and he went into high gear when I started standing up for myself and getting better control over my response to his baiting.

[@anamericanman]

Holy f'ing WOW

[@meme-zv7kw]

They have a game plan from day 1 to break you down with a thousand small cuts its so subtle you won't notice and the sex bombing gets you emotionally attached. THANK GOD I have self love I ended our engagement and walked away videos like this are VERY HELPFUL

[@MichaelMcDonald-r6h]

Congrats…. On my way to same. Ugly divorce first obviously…. SMH. 9 out of 10 of these absolutely happened to me

[@bradlloyd6261]

Jeez you dated her too huh

[@Theantinarc]

The eye rolling, and pulling faces when I was talking about things that were important to me, and completely ignoring me when I was talking to them were very painful.

[@sharonrice8255]

Excellent, I experienced all of these. No one should stay in a relationship like that. I stayed too long. Never again

[@brad173]

I’m the only person in the relationship that needs to make changes. I’ve never heard an apology for anything because it’s all my fault.

[@jamescoburn6789]

Top scientists agree; once you know, you go. You're throwing good money after bad. You'll never get the initial investment back. Cut your losses, invest in something that'll give you a less dramatic but actual long term return. This one is going to drain your heart, brain and pocket. I'm something of an expert on the sneeky creepys.

[@shirleyhunt8769]

Also walk ahead of you and just disappear without telling you where they r going !

[@Evelynlouise089]

And not looking back to see where you are

[@grnmtns1]

Mine did this while taking me to the car after I fell while walking to the store. I was holding an ice pack to my face, clutching my mangled glasses, stumbling blindly after him across an uneven parking lot. He's twenty feet ahead, striding along like we're not even together. I should've stayed with the strangers who helped me up. Finally made it to the E.R. with injuries to my face and ribs. Any normal guy would've been tenderly at my side on the way to the car.

[@mores5780]

I fell, he stepped on me and sailed past, 50 feet away a stranger asked if I needed help.

[@Susan_F]

Omg, I can’t believe someone else had to deal with that! My first husband did that!!

[@asiler2052]

Mine left me in traffic in our separate cars and I didnt know the area. It was a very bad neighborhood and he took off in his truck and left me to navigate this area with many one way streets at dusk. Yet, I beat him home and he never noticed he me, so he said.

[@cindynimmo]

Lack of attention, attention to others, stoking the embers of any disagreements to make a person look unhinged, long silences, long stares, picking fights over nothing, describing their interactions with others as being more satisfying than their times with you.

[@SuzannaLiessa]

@cindynimmo "Stoking the embers of any disagreement to make another person look unhinged." Yep. And the final, most devastating thing on my way out was to ask for my active support to find and spend time with others who were satisfying than me.

[@ElaineFinn-sw3mw]

Leave the room when you're speaking. Faking panic attacks when you try to have a conversation about their behaviour.

[@jane_mead]

Yep. Leaving the room, changing the topic, interrupting...

[@GlobalistGazette]

Insulting, switching to discussion about them "being hurt" or how you are oppressing them, completely dismissing your hurt or how you were wronged by them or anyone else, sympathising with bullies, switching to childish schoolyard arguments (trying to derail the adult conversation). Theres so many things. Oh, a recent one is: No-one listens to you anyway. I just let them at it, even agree with them and add a bit of sarcasm in the mix. Helps to get through my day living with idiots 😂

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for sharing your experiences

[@seasonsstarsstudios]

Leaving the room has to do with completing a task during a conversation (people love to interrupt me when I’m gathering laundry, for instance, or when I’m going to the bathroom; no sense of privacy or boundaries at all), but I listen. It happens so much I started saying “I’m listening” because if I don’t complete the task on my brain it’ll feel like it itches - and if I have to pause to talk it’ll never get done. That’s beyond frustrating because I’m the one who cleans the house when he sits on his ass and watches TV for 14 hours straight. I think my father talks to me while I’m doing chores just so he can try to have narcissistic control over me. It doesn’t work of course, but still. The man is a total attention seeker. He’s like a toddler needing to be babysat constantly. Actually I think he’s worse; at least a toddler can help, whereas he won’t.

[@BigWindyVet]

I’ve had her pick up her phone and start texting when I was in the middle of a sentence.

[@heyoldman2003]

thank you again Lise. it’s been three years of no contact but some pain is still there . doing counseling helps but …. once you have lived through abuse , sadly the scars are there ..if you think your in a abuseive relationship…RUN !!! you can not fix them …. period ! believe me ..i tried for almost 40 years

[@usmanmohideen]

Forty years, u can be teacher like lisa

[@heyoldman2003]

@@usmanmohideen i have learned a few lessons along the way 👍🏼

[@T190.JLS27]

33 years of covert abuse until I learned what narcissistic personality disorder was and put two and two together and got out. Two years later, I am still sad that what we had wasn’t love, but control and abuse…. But am overall at peace and finding happiness again. Good luck to you as you move forward.

[@heyoldman2003]

@@T190.JLS27 and you too my friend 🙏🏼

[@rhettbaldwin8320]

The most irritating thing about passive aggressive behavior is when they deny they are mad, or deny they are being passive aggressive.

[@dannybmf]

Yes! 2 weeks into silent treatment i ask: Are you mad on me? "Im not mad". Case closed.

[@redwarrior2424]

Their denial allows them to paint *you* as the villain.

[@tiffanybluetarot]

They deny everything, always. They’ll never admit to ANYTHING.

[@justsaying.8017]

Yeah, like😡🤬😡’IM NOT 😡🤬🤬MAD!!

[@SuzannaLiessa]

@@rhettbaldwin8320 *deep, obviously aggravated sigh* "I'm not angry. I'm just tired."

[@seasonsstarsstudios]

My father does all of these behaviors and it destroyed my family, but especially me. I’m the family scapegoat, so I had no security whatsoever in trusting anyone. I too used to do these behaviors, but I no longer do. I decided to take action against this behavior, watch videos on narcissistic behaviors, and break those habits. It wasn’t easy, but I can say I did it. I broke the cycle. I went no contact with all my toxic family and I’m discovering who I really am.

[@russwj]

Your channel has helped me greatly. I was stuck , walking on egg shells , feeling guilty for not being able to fix the relationship , addicted to the sense of love I thought I felt. On and on. It was terribly difficult. I started to keep the texts , social media postings etc , all terribly demeaning , that she would send. When I felt the urge to contact her I reviewed these texts / postings and didn’t contact her. I was tired of suffering. Your work / channel helped me accept it was most likely not going to change and invited me to ask the simple question “ do I want to continue to suffer “. It’s been a bit more than two months since I moved on. Sometimes I’m tempted to contact her , but then simply review the texts and postings Your certainty about the nature of the disorder and the extremely unlikelihood of it changing helped me greatly Thank you I am grateful

[@bethpage6696]

The "accidents" I didn't do it on purpose" yes it is when it's done repeatedly!

[@Juamo-tn8we]

Yep!

[@Deelitee]

Patterns never lie

[@SuzannaLiessa]

@bethpage6696 Or at the very least, learn not to!

[@allanjaymartirez]

I love what Lise said in the end. "Abuse is abuse..."

[@tiffanybluetarot]

The moving & rearranging things…or, in my case, even breaking or stealing them…is maddening. Then they’ll blow a gasket if you ask them if they’ve seen it.

[@Deelitee]

Slamming, clanging, stomping… smh

[@tiffanybluetarot]

@@Deelitee yep. It’s like watching a shark on a frenzy. It always seemed he had to go through these motions as some sort of process. Fricken ODD, and often scary.

[@Deelitee]

@@tiffanybluetarot and then they become used to that process which must reward them with a hit of dopamine or something so it reinforces it all. It’s madness.

[@tiffanybluetarot]

@@Deelitee agreed. Sorry you understand, but grateful you do. 🙏

[@joshslaton8604]

When I like these videos about those evil people I think I hope everyone knows that I'm just giving the video a like to support the channel and I hate what those people do to us

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4-year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration, unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here.

[@Roselinekendris]

Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6-year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?

[@meabeck]

Be you harder. Be kind to you. ❤

[@leonardodakimchi]

The truth: You are weak. She played you like a fiddle. I hope the alimony is soft.

[@lulumoon6942]

Absolutely crazy making, but you for OUT.! 🙏🕊️

[@donnas.1576]

Or leaving the room when you're in mid sentence

[@stickynorth]

Or talking to anyone else in the room mid-sentence... A cat, the TV, their phone...

[@puremaledark8305]

Omg, the hiding items! Things just go randomly missing out of nowhere!

[@zaidzain]

Delayed responses are so frustrating, when trying to co-parent with them. I understood this as my ex narc wife trying to establish superiority over me. This video confirms my assumption. Thank you.

[@jlynnmenzel]

What makes CNs so effective at crazy making is that some of what’s on the list are things that do sometimes have to happen in a healthy relationship. We live in an instaculture where everyone expects untethered access to us at the drop of a dime. Sometimes I delay looking at my phone when I’m busy or need some down time, someone could interpret that as giving the cold shoulder when it’s literally self care. I also find myself giving the silent treatment, but only after I feel continuously ignored or unimportant. I also sigh out of frustration, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about the person or am trying to invalidate them. All these things make me give the CNs grace. Grace to continue getting away with breaking me down until I realize what’s happening and choose better. Sorry you have to coparent with one of these people. It must be wildly frustrating.

[@brendanthebdog]

Pretty thorough summary of childhood.

[@stickynorth]

And into adulthood for very many of us...

[@kreativkonsum4095]

I really appreciate you altering the focus on peoples own abusive behaviour at the end. It's important to identify if someone is hurting you, but it is as much as important to identify you hurting someone else. Because you who watches this and other videos must not forget: 'hurt people hurt people' and a pretty good example for that I believe is generational trauma.

[@thebluehare.]

All of these are so true! Fake yawning is one of their top favs. I also like when having what one would think is a conversation with them, right in the middle of it they act like they aren't listening -you've lost their attention, this conversation bores them, you bore them. Such as acting as though they didn't hear what you just said, walking away while you are speaking or constantly saying "What do you mean?" or "I don't know what you're talking about." Classics. Helpful video!

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

One way they sabotage is to make others question your character so they will avoid you. I have seen this in family members. They gossip to the other family members and when we encounter those who have heard the gossip they act like something is wrong with us. Those who believe the gossip must be removed from our lives too.

[@mobileradiofitter]

Fact is the woman I got caught up with for 2 years of hell is a selfish, angry, vindictive individual and eventually I stood strong, told her she's far to negitive and I can't be around her and left. I still feel she got what she wanted which was someone new to make a fuss of her and get someone to do so much for her. Chances are she latched onto the next poor soul already. She didn't deserve me at all and hell can have the demon back

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

I have to admit... after living with a person with quiet BPD and Narcissistic traits, I got to a point in my relationship when I acted like a crazy person and did a few of these things, like heavy sighs, eye rolls and smiling angrily while shaking my head. I was so damn tired of the accusations... so tired of being controlled, manipulated and gaslit, that I kind of became an asshole for a while as a way to defend myself. My ex would have said I ignored and dismissed his feelings, but he also could never come to terms with the fact that he lived a completely different life inside his head that had no connection to reality and I was almost always vilified. I got my head bit off one time for just politely refusing, while thanking him for offering, to make breakfast. He "heard" something in my tone and got mad at me and I had to spend the next fifteen minutes confused while he yelled at me for never wanting anything he had to offer and being an asshole for it. It's kind of makes me wonder sometimes if the long term trauma of my marriage didn't turn me into a narcissist.

[@ashr8801]

This!!! Omg!!! This is where my head has been for 3 years. I feel like a different person and I hate how I act and who I have become… but I HAVE to. He forces me into it. For example: blocking his number, silence, avoiding him. I have to. If I don’t he just keeps yelling at me, accusing me, demeaning me, name calling, throwing things. Then he’ll say I’m an abuser because I’m “withholding affection as a punishment.” No… I’m not. I just want to get away from you. I won’t let him buy me anything, or take me on dates, or do anything for me… because it’s always thrown back in my face. I’m always the “needy loser he has to jump through hoops for”, I’m “basically a hooker who expects someone to buy me things”, or “I’m an ungrateful b*tch”. Sometimes life feels so unfair that I literally do exactly what he does. If I don’t get birthday presents, neither does he. If he won’t help me when I’m sick, I won’t help him. If he won’t help me when I have a flat tire, I won’t help him. I hate it. I don’t like being like this. I don’t want to be like this towards anyone. I’m not like this towards anyone else. It’s stressful and sad. I want to love someone. I want to be nice, and happy, and helpful. I want someone to value me because I’m bringing value to the relationship that is recognized and appreciated. I want to value someone else and show them how much a love and appreciation them. I have to stay for now, and I’m working on leaving. I’m trying to make sure it’s safe to go, and that I have somewhere to go when I leave. I try to hard not to get pulled into any of this, and not get distracted… but her knows exactly how to put into a panic attack or make me cry at any given time.

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

@@ashr8801 🥰 I’m so sorry. Are you married? Is that what’s keeping you from being able to get out sooner?

[@tinas3304]

Yes, totally get this. One day I suddenly realised that I was changing, I saw how I was behaving and made a choice to not allow him to change me. Happy to say that we're divorced

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

@@tinas3304 I’m glad you realized it so soon and got out. I wished it hadn’t taken me so long.

[@ashr8801]

@@thislittleweirdgirl332 I’m not even kidding when I say this, I had everything together and ready to go… and that week I found out I was pregnant. I should have left then, but I felt like there was no way I could do this alone. Which was stupid, because I did it alone with him there anyways. He never helped me with anything, I had to pay for it all, I worked 2 jobs my whole pregnancy, he still won’t even buy her anything. Now, I can’t afford to leave. I think he knows I was going to leave. When he found out I was pregnant the this first thing he said, with the most wicked smile I’ve ever seen, “I win. I ruined your whole stupid little life. What are you gonna do now? Leave?” He really said that. He was so mad that I kept trying to hold on to myself, who I am, what I love. Now, he just watches me struggle to get through a single day alone. He’s happy I don’t have the time to talk on the phone to a friend, or go out and garden, or anything. I’m trying so hard to leave. I’m building a business that I think he doesn’t know about, and I’m so afraid he’ll find out and destroy it somehow. I avoid him like the plague. The best times are when he’s cheating on me and just doesn’t come home for days. I know that sounds crazy, but I accepted that he doesn’t love me a long time ago, so it hurts a lot less when he does that. I will get out, I know I will. I’m about to just leave with nothing and try my best to make it. Our daughter is still extremely young and I need to get us out before she can’t start understanding what going on here. I never, ever, ever leave her alone with him. I’m afraid to. And I sleep on the floor with her in a side room and lock the door. Which works for him because he “doesn’t want to wake up to a screaming kid all night long.” I can’t wait to be gone.

[@grosbeak6130]

Just a heads up for people who may be wondering, you can have a argument without being a narcissist with someone. Or a person can have an argument with you without them being a narcissist.

[@linnnea8171]

I have arguments with my husband regularly and neither of us are narcissist. Our arguments last for like five minutes and then we come to the conclusion how to proceed and whose points are stronger. There is no way to have arguments like this with my vulnerable narcissistic mom. First of all she is not looking for solutions, she is looking how be a victim in that situation. Secondly disagreeing with her is a personal attack towards her. Thirdly within a minute or so we are taking about something that happened 30 years ago and has nothing to do with me.

[@linnnea8171]

To add something to my previous comment. When I argue with my husband, if I lose the argument, I say ok that sucks but you have a point. And that"s it. The best case scenario with my mom is she understands I have a point and then sulks and punishes me with a silent treatment for a couple of hours. The worst case scenario is her laying on the bed crying that she has nothing, NOTHING, and forcing me to apologise for something that has nothing to apologise for. And the root cause of the whole scene is that I had a great day and she can't stand it and regularly ruins my happiness with a stunt like this. This kind of stuff really eats one's soul away.

[@AmbyJeans]

I think everyone here knows that. There’s a difference between an occasional argument and a pattern of behavior

[@davelord8039]

Most people know that.

[@redwarrior2424]

​@@linnnea8171 Re: your mom: And some people just love to argue. They love the drama and they love the rush it gives them. It's their drug.

[@constancecelli9302]

My son almost committed suicide at the hands of his covert narcissistic wife’s abuse. He’s back with her after a year and a half with me trying to recover. Small children involved unfortunately. I know she’ll never change so I keep my distance and try to support him and the children as best I can. She did/ does all these things. Just sad.

[@denisehageman7929]

It's not just partners who do this. So called friends and family may do these things as well. Get away from this abuse as soon as you are able to.

[@kittyblue8310]

I love this video because it’s everything that I went through and being the recipient of this passive aggressive behavior from my sister I always made excuses for her….she didn’t really mean that …. she wasn’t feeling good. …She was thinking of something else… I made so many excuses for her bad behavior, or for her abuse towards me but now I understand, and I make no excuses for anyone ‘s bad behavior…. I’ve learned my lesson

[@josmclove4426]

‼️Loud sighs‼️ That used to drive me NUTS! I'm wiser now and it's all thanx to the teachings of wise professionals like Lise! God bless you ma'am!❤❤🙌🏾

[@Juamo-tn8we]

I feel vindicated. This was on the top of my list and I’m “glad” to see I’m not alone.

[@Deelitee]

Do you just ignore it??

[@stulazonby3523]

I'd just like to thank you Lise. Whilst I'd already ended my 30 year relationship with my ex wife before I happened upon your channel, your videos, particularly this one, have helped me enormously to rationalise my ending such a lengthy relationship. I know now, that the troubles I experienced whilst in that relationship, were because of her narcissism and not the failings she projected onto myself. This video, of the non verbal abuse is incredibly accurate from my experience, with my ex wife using all of the methods you speak of. Particularly helpful, as the non verbal side is more difficult to "pin down", if you like. So, thank you again Lise. Your videos have very much enabled me to move on with my life, and I'm now in a very healthy and loving relationship. Keep up the good work, it's invaluable to many people.

[@zion367]

This was spot on!

[@lulumoon6942]

Nailed it again! 😮👍 And I like this color on you. 😊

[@murphrdnmurphrdn2952]

Lise, thanks for being my angel! I haven't looked back! ❤❤❤

[@rostamr4096]

I second that...She is amazing...

[@33-the-real-one]

Shut your​@@rostamr4096

[@leogo2kbo]

Yeah I went through all of this and still do but way less since I know what she's doing. I have a 8 year old son with her and that makes it impossible for me to cut off all relation with her. Today I spoke to my kid new teacher from school. Last year I spoke to the school principal and school psychologist so they know.

[@G-14classified]

Long as u have that love for your son, brotha. You're in for a rocky ride. She will use that love and destroy u internally.

[@camellia8625]

I fear you may come off looking like the unhinged one. Most people do not get the nuances of narcissism unless they themselves have lived through it.

[@G-14classified]

@@camellia8625 Yep and that's the issue. The one who cares gets looked at as the unhinged one. Sad as men we can't fight for our children.

[@jacquelineblackburn4668]

I spent 25 years with a man who barely spoke to me. Such a waste of my life but I didn't think I had a choice to leave. Huge mistake.

[@Susan_F]

I understand. They make you think you’re the problem.

[@seekerofgrace2058]

Lived thru all this. He brought about chaos pain & damage w ( plausible deniability) . Remaining a bully while playing victim

[@user91y1]

I was told that my eye movements were disruptive as a way to shift blame during a conversation, while delayed answer made me feel like a dog in training. A narc can trully drive another person to suicide.

[@avibhagan]

(1) passive aggressive (2) silent treatment (3) withholding affection (complete lack of manners) (4) withholding physical affection (using sex as a bribe for good behavior) (5) undermining your authority as a parent. Counter parenting , telling the kids that they don't have to listen to you. (6) complaining to your friends and family ,so they judge you. (7) making ridiculous demands

[@jimconnoy6133]

My late wife did all of this. She died eight years ago and my life has improved without her in it.

[@carlhouseofoliver345]

This relationship has highlighted my toxic traits i never knew i was displaying or had. I now after coming to see how my toxic traits were hurting her and us i got help for my Pre occupied Anxious attachment and started a 3yr journey to here today where im a recovering Anxious person and becoming more secure each day. What i have discovered was tgat her traits are more than just an avoidant and are narcissistic esp the non verbal tatics!! Im not out of this yet but have been getting loads of support so i can cope w the relaity of what ive allowed to happen to me.

[@KactusKM]

I understand this is about relationships, partners. The long term effects from a covert narcissist parent from childhood to adulthood and beyond still applies here. Wish she had included the wider range of covert narcissism in various kinds of situations and how patterns can develop when it’s not understood. So anyone can consider that perhaps they were attracted to a narc partner because of parental or previous narc relationship abuse that felt familiar. Until we understand and have that awareness and get ourselves back in balance, only we can break those patterns.

[@virtualmorality]

Can you please cover a covert narcissist claiming you are giving then silent treatment vs that person shutting down after reactive abuse? Telling a cptsd person, whom your reactive abusing they are the problem and accusing them of silent treatment, when they're really in freeze, makes it significantly even worse.

[@rick137.pickle]

I’ve been with a person like this for over 2 decades and you will never get used to it. Men will most probably shrug those off but it is really a mental workout but instead of making you healthier it makes you worse.

[@EarthAngelPreparedness]

I dealt with my narc "mother" using banging things and breaking things, huffing and puffing, acting "put off" whenever I would walk into my own living room, sighing and talking loudly. She also used CHRONIC COMPLAINING about everything and playing the victim. I also noticed she would mock me in a competitive way. Pathetic. The behavior is so unstable and immature. Thank God I got away.

[@wendellmontgomery4172]

Very accurate, Lise. You win a meat loaf sandwich with Grey Poupon on French bread. Keep up the very good work on Narcissism.

[@intellectually_lazy]

loud sighs, yeah, abusers love using the sadness they inflict agfainst you. inconsistenet body language: i shouldn't have to point out this is ablist af! delayed response??? turn your back? how many times i'm told to walk away, and now you say that's abusive. you are really helping real abusers construct double binds

[@jane_mead]

There's a big difference in motivation. The narc walks away to control and demean - it's dismissive of your person. If you're walking away to protect yourself, that's probably more like grey-rocking. Big difference!

[@intellectually_lazy]

@@jane_mead ja, narcs suck, always snitchin' and needing stitchin'

[@intellectually_lazy]

@@jane_mead yeah, but what does it sound like in the mouth of a convincing narcissist? because they say sh1t just like that, and others believe them often over the real victim

[@illyria7756]

​@@intellectually_lazy yea, I hate it too when they smear you, getting you riled up then use your emotions against you and all that crap. I can only say, fk it, learn how not to care about what others think of you, be strong in yourself. Its hard and annoying, depending on your specific situation, but try to move past it because you can learn and better yourself, they cannot cuz they are forever immature children. Look at them like (brain damaged) children, it will make it way easier to detach emotionally and deal with them.

[@intellectually_lazy]

@@illyria7756 i'm only saying, this advice isn't entirely healthy. without some clar=ification, it's kinda irresponsible, so if lise won't say that, i will

[@deelitebetterpen3680]

Omg wow! Like I’m constantly wondering why they suddenly dilly dally, cut me off after asking a question, or the sit down stand up sit down. Or why do they say they want me there in a tone that says I hate you? Thank you for the information. I’ve been learning about narcissism for a couple years now but I had NO IDEA that this is another kind! Wow! What is healthy? Where do I find an example please? Thx❤

[@susymay7831]

Narcissistic Manipulation is done to: Reinforce victim mentality Maintain control over you Avoid accountability Fill a feeling of emptiness

[@Notknowme]

Sadly true, and even this time it's a 10/10 I've already been into this shit and still recovering 😢

[@SuzannaLiessa]

Taking a look at myself has been part of my journey. I started when I was still in an abusive relationship, and ironically enough, I did it in part to honestly address things my abuser accused me of. I also did it in part to address my recovery from an episode of mental illness. That meant that while my abuser was giving me moving targets, I had some solid targets of my own. It made me hard to handle, and my abuser finally drove me out. (An unexpected but very welcome side effect!) In light of doing that work, & in light of a very complex relationship with my (adult) children, it was probably inevitable that I would watch a couple of "Am I a narcissist?" videos. I came to the conclusion that no, I'm not a narcissist, and im basically a good person, but I still have plenty of work to do. It’s too late to fix things with my children, but that is, as I said, complex. In any case, this work has always been for my own sake. It makes me more comfortable and confident in myself, and that makes me safer for others.

[@X7lilred81]

Get out. At the worst, you will have peace of mind.

[@lindltailor]

Such insidious behavior is a scourge against humanity. Psychological violence. Once you know what you’re dealing with face the music and get out while you can. I am sad to admit it, because after my ND brain dealt with my 2nd NPD, and a BPD, I literally have nothing left in my soul to give myself or anyone else, except what I can muster for my kids.

[@timmywitty1432]

May you find joy in life again.

[@camellia8625]

By ND do you mean neurodivergent?

[@lindltailor]

@@timmywitty1432 thank you

[@lindltailor]

@@camellia8625 yes!

[@ATREU850]

So much silent treatment and blocking all forms of communication which means I can’t contact her to see my son but she refuses to believe there’s anything wrong with her actions 🤦‍♂️

[@andyearley9905]

My ex is recently with a new supply. Parental alienation is now in full swing

[@lindltailor]

Sounds like child abduction to me

[@Vikingnartists]

You are describing my narc ex wife. She makes up her own reasons for the blocking as she goes too keep8ng both my son and daughter from me so many times just to ruin things for us three because I took of her mask and walked out the door. Next level evil

[@jorgeluiscapiello414]

Same here my friend

[@jdmccoy1999]

If you have kids with someone and haven’t gotten court paperwork to establish child support and visitation or the basics of co-parenting, then there is no one to blame but yourself. However, if you do, simply call the local law enforcement on their non emergency line and explain you would like to file a report because your court ordered time is being violated. They will fix that right away. No need to complain on forums. This is basic family law if you went about it the correct way.

[@intellectually_lazy]

i don't wanna be micromanaged for not being normal anymore, like i always have been

[@darinsmith2458]

I always thought of a malignant narcissist as being the elephant in the room but I would say that the covert narcissist can be an elephant in the room also..

[@liz0707]

You are spot on. Thank you.

[@javieraguirre9135]

This video is gold

[@yetfitmaafar6566]

Narcissist: demon in human form. Funny how most will not admit that. 🤔🤔Guess they see things different. ✌️

[@leonardodakimchi]

Imho humans do the demons bidding so we are worse.

[@illyria7756]

More like brain damaged children who will never mature.

[@DMK2CPT27]

Thank you SO much Lese ! this is so unbelievably on point thank you !!

[@thatMMaven]

🥴The sound tor tu re tactics are so gut wringinggg😮‍💨

[@b43xoit]

- spitting - slapping - property destruction - blocking exit - digging with fingernails - shoving out of bed

[@stickynorth]

Had all those happen to me too! Sorry that happened to you...

[@b43xoit]

@@stickynorth , and I'm sorry they happened to you, too. When they were happening to me, I failed to attach the proper significance to them and react properly. This went on for decades. I was old enough that I should have been able to respond in a mature fashion, but somehow, my mind was tied in knots and didn't process the experience properly and react properly. Much time wasted as a result.

[@b43xoit]

I think, usually, I was trying to express myself in response to a question or something, when my narc would do these things. They were done to make it harder for me to think. And my error was to keep trying to express myself, instead of giving priority to reacting to disrespectful behavior.

[@sammcnaughton5961]

Thank you Lisa 🙏🙏🙏

[@FlamingManofIron]

She looked angry and sour all the time. Then would just say, "I'm in pain." Maybe she was. Maybe not. She looked unapproachable so I'd avoid her. Then I'd later be accused of ignoring her.

[@thepeppers5442]

I’ve thrown around the word “narcasist” a lot, but it’s not until I dated one for a year that I realized what a true narcasist was. Silent treatment was her favourite, random mood swings, gas lighting waiting for you to react so she could point the finger at you and say you are the problem. Once I came across your video explaining what a covert narcissist was I knew right there that’s what she is because she has done 9/10 things to a T exactly how you explained it. After that, when she would say “you’re not the one for me” I’d respond “you’re right I’m not so I guess we’re done” she came back with an apology for everything she did to me and wanted to talk about. When i asked what is there to talk about she responded “I don’t know” then woild go silent, next thing I know, she is sending old pics of us together saying she misses how we used to be lol.

[@vm5597]

Every word on point. OMG!!!!

[@davelord8039]

10 out of 10 in my case

[@smalljack2f0n0]

The purposely annoying one!! I have never seen this included in other examples of narc abuse tactics!! But I experienced this as a child from my foster parents and it was psychological torture! They used to make repetitive sounds and it made me squirm.I often couldn’t leave the room for relief.

[@melissaclary9646]

💯 SPOT ON!! THANK YOU FOR THIS INFORMATION

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you fo your positive feedback!

[@TJ-bs4wv]

She is good putting up a wall, so i can't read her. I only know something is wrong. She gets angry at me when i ask her is she is annoyed. If i don't answer her questions with a Yes/No but with a sentence as I always has done. She criticised me, and asked harshly yes or no. Or you talk to much, so I don't even know what you mean, but in a condensating way. Unfortunately I have notice, that when we argue, I have adopted some of her treats. I hate it. When i point out to her, that i don't accept she talks to me like this. She always excuses her self. "You made me say it"/"you provoked me" She always says, don't argue with me, it will give you peace of mind

[@praschowta6947]

please do a vid on the overlap between Narcissism in a parent and Munchausen-by-proxy.

[@russell4824]

Thanks!

[@GdHr-oz5ph]

Very very interesting and informative. Thanks!💝👍💐❤

[@kimlec3592]

Helpful. Thank you.

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Very good and helpful video! Thank you❤

[@melissad1373]

My ex narcissist talked continuously for about 6-8 hours straight once. Not just talked a lot, it was non stop, like not even 2 minutes of quiet. It was when I was having a horrible day because of a serious situation with my child. I told him I was really stressed out and having a horrible day and to please stop talking for a little bit over and over and over. I finally got to where I was yelling at him to please just shut up. He still kept talking, and talking, and talking really loud. He made a really bad day 1000 times worse. Prior to that he had been amazing and waited 8 hours in the car at the hospital and was really there for me, for the same situation. Most of all our good memories or things he did for me were tainted with an equally bad thing he did too.

[@TheMrHueyFreeman]

Pretending not to hear you is another great one.

[@Heather-x4q]

Thank you.

[@gallantresse7680]

My narc-in-law would always first give my kids an extensive over the top greeting while having me wait to be greeted. She would see me waiting to greet her and yet be ‘so indulged’ with the kids like she didn’t notice me. I felt like I was lining up at a buffet. When I noticed that this was a toxic habit, I stopped waiting to greet. Would stay seated and just greet across the room or at the door proceed inside and remove my jacket etc. Not playing that game. Needless to say right now she isolated us from the only living parent and the drama continues…

[@tinas3304]

Great video, thanks!

[@stylist62]

Exactly on point

[@sorearm]

All the traits and behaviour of my ex wife. What a truly unpleasant individual she is

[@marygibbons2263]

She should marry my ex!:😅 They deserve each other

[@Lildurpp]

This needs to be taught in schools

[@MYKEYCARD]

Thank You For You're Phenomenal Global Outreach People Support 🙏💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🙏

[@alimccreery755]

Every word on point that’s why I’m a firm believer of grey rock and stonewall 👍👍

[@RavnThor]

Thank you, lise...❤❤

[@AshleySpeaks4U]

Cold eyes. Upward-tilted head. Disapproving, shaming scowl. Silence with short snswers. He said while I was talking, "I need a cigarette" to end the argument he baited me into when I sat down to APOLOGIZE. He says he's "fine". U-huh.

[@sunshine-db2zm]

Its so hard to explain this kinda covert abuse to outsiders...some people think its no big deal if its not violent...

[@rapstar4575]

These people won't let you be happy ❤

[@JohnSmith-lk8cy]

My father was like this. He created a house of fear. He beat my mother but fortunately not us kids.

[@bri-annaedwardine1697]

Why is this about partners and not other members of the family such as parents? It covers everyone but when she said partners at the end, it feels a bit excluding, but the info is excellent.

[@glenwilkie1331]

Very good!

[@AnnaWhite-go6nz]

The best ones I have seen is 1) exclude you from gatherings - including family (2) claim your hard work, or disregard that it was your work altogether (3) claim your experience as theirs, even your qualifications (4) ice you out of family, friends (5) character assassinate. (7) talk over the top of you (8) change the subject when you are speaking to them vulnerably (9) act as if you have issues, need to heal etc - I.e gaslighting - They are my sisters. Evil demonic narcissists

[@AnnaWhite-go6nz]

Oh yes, that’s right rearranging my colour laser printer and office supplier. By putting them, or rather jamming them on the side ( everyone knows you don’t put electronic items on their side) in a leaky store under concrete stairs, externally and demanding I move them as a matter of urgency . That was all time

[@lorishu48103]

Neurodivergent folks are extra vulnerable to this. We can’t navigate social situations with the best intentions. We’re powerless over this type of manipulations so essentially have to isolate ourselves to some extent because too much of this behavior is normalized by our culture!

[@cindynimmo]

The worst thing is the massive and unending triangulation

[@Apreeyle]

Over here nodding along. Crazy making!!! They make you feel crazy. It is baffling to me how they all have the same tactics, and yet each one is different. It shows that it truly is a disorder. But we’re not gonna lay down and take it! Not anymore!

[@eboy4032]

They would use flirtatious body language any time another man was talking with her and ignore my contributions to the conversation. She had male best friends. Either she was cheating or trying to break me so that i wouldnt care when she eventually decided she wanted to cheat.