10 Ways To Spot & Deal With A NARCISSIST | Dr. Ramani Durvasula & Lewis Howes

[@purplepinkycha]

I am just learning that I married a narcissist and I am so grateful to know why I was feeling so sad all the time. I gave him everything and it still wasn’t enough for him to love me. I’ve decided to love me again, and I’m ready to leave for good.

[@estherhirsch4460]

Wishing u blessings

[@suemiller8426]

That is because they are incapable of loving anyone, they use the words but they can't feel the feelings.

[@aquamelody26]

I completely get you. It’s a hard pill to swallow. You can either stay or go.. either way both have an effect. You only live once’s and do what’s right for you ❤

[@carolinekamya2339]

plan well and leave quietly

[@travisculpepper2091]

Good for you! I filed for divorce today..I'm so drained

[@tanyaflanders2196]

The world needs this woman. So informative!

[@melaninandaura9713]

I’ve never agreed more with a statement than I do this one! ❤ the way she validated my life experiences has been a life saver! If I ever got to stand in a room with her I would give her the biggest, tightest hug. I went through every stage of grief over and over, in and out when realizing that the love of my life is a narcissist. Now I’m at acceptance (mostly) and I feel the safest I have ever been in my life. I have boundless gratitude for her and her teachings.

[@judewuski]

Not just informative, she informs with style… at the present moment I’m the point where when she’s saying things in the N’s voice, essentially impersonating them, I can now laugh a tiny bit. I’ll take it!

[@theleeannebrown]

7 years in a narcissistic marriage, all previous relationships with narcissists and many family members narcissists! I'm on a healing journey and now a Narcissist Abuse Specialist and Somatic Trauma Coach! I'm learning to turn my pain into my power!

[@Bob-zh6dw]

Are you still married?

[@NELLIE1LOVE]

I commend you! I'm trying to figure out who and where to go searching for a TRUSTING support system now, its been several yrs of situations. After I lost my husband (he died right next to me in bed I woke thinking he was sleep), never healed a few yrs later was pursued by a person I grew up with and had no idea how much they changed since. By the time I realized how bad it was I was already closed off to all my friends and family bc of my pride and shame trying to handle it myself, in the process lost my mother, best friend and countless other relatives in tragic ways during all these times I was emotionally and mentally abused. He was incarcerated for attacking my coworker a few yrs later I left the state for a better life for my children. I stayed single for a few yrs. Met someone another person whom was smoother at hiding who he really is but less abusive sim traits though, picking fights esp on days like my deceased mothers birthday or my deceased uncle day of death (by his son) and I have yet to really unload all that I have endured bc it just keeps on coming with no break in btwn to be able to start to heal from the 1st trauma up until present.

[@whendis.roberts9903]

Awesome

[@rochelleweinkranz8233]

​@whendis.roberts9903

[@karinajones1121]

How do you do that?I want to!

[@debraleamclaughlin6784]

Just broke off with a guy I been dating for just a year. I actually broke up twice with him before this final. I just knew something was off but I could not figure it out. Now that he is no longer in my life I’ve found this Doctor and boy did she put everything into perspective. I feel relieved and happy I made the correct choice to get away from him. I can breath again.

[@Portia620]

Yes! We can breath again!!! Pay close attention to how you were before and during the relationship!

[@mariahconklin4150]

I've met so many men that are toxic it's sad.

[@MegaRose1958]

I am happy for you! It took me five years to end my Toxic relationship, I too knew something wasn't right from the beginning, but I couldn't figure it out. I didn't know anything about Narcissistic personalities until I went into hiding when I was getting out of my relationship! I too am so happy I was able to finally get out of it.

[@lynx9704]

It sounds like you're a covert narcissist that took advantage of a guy. The woman chooses if to get in or out of a relationship with a man. You gave no context to your story, which makes your "story" very weird, incomplete and it's usually what a woman does to make herself feel better about herself. My guess is that you trashed the guy.

[@debbievoss3496]

My deal was to love this person to health, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's what I wanted for me & others; but, it literally set me up to be in the lion's den over & over. Now I'm older, exhausted, & am into being a recluse & little old lady. Just need to get meals on wheels going & I can stay inside & not have to deal with perpetrators around every FUCKING corner. Forget love interests. I'm just staying alive for now.

[@anglkisez]

I found out real quick that if you listen closely and actually pay attention, whatever they tell you is wrong with you, is actually them telling on themselves! That will be your superpower to get away!

[@GracedToWin]

YES! This person used every term on me that’s used to describe narcissists! I was completely lost especially when he went into a complete rage after I fought back. It took some time but I began to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out what he was doing.

[@jessie1090]

It's actually true. Whatever the narc accuses you of, is what they're doing. Projecting..... but showing all their cards at the same time

[@tanyaflanders2196]

Yes!

[@barbc7526]

Yeah, they are the masters of projection.

[@michelefaydobb7247]

Yes!

[@kathiedorion8731]

I went through counselling with my Narc Ex; it turned to I was the problem. He only went to outsmart the therapist; I will never do couples counselling again.

[@charitygoldart]

I had a narcissist friend who was very proud of the fact she went to therapy, and even weaponised it to get one-up on me because I'm not currently in therapy, BUT she would very carefully pick therapists who reinforced her view of the world. She actually fired one who she said 'stood up for other people too much.' These people will go to therapy, but only to use it for their own ends.

[@kathiedorion8731]

@@charitygoldart That's why it's so important to find a therapist that is trained to spot Narcissitic behaviors.

[@fancystreet1429]

Happened to me too. He charmed the therapist and it all got turned around to me being the problem and maybe I had ADD. 🤷‍♀️

[@lb5068]

It's possible the counselor was a narcissist too and related more to them. Had that experience when speaking to a divorce attorney. It's a thing. Needless to say I didn't hire him but I did have to pay his consulting fee!

[@nurzakiahza7368]

I totally understand! I don’t trust counsellors per se. they are human too and they can be bias

[@plumeria66]

If you are a kind, good person and a giver, watch out. You are who narcissists are attracted to because they are takers and can use you in a million ways for their gratification.

[@melindadaniel1331]

FACTS 👌

[@lino629]

And they pretend to be an empathic, kind, generous person but its a facade! Its really hard for the genuine empath to recognize, because we think their intent is like our own.. but not so, and that makes us vulnerable! ***Sigh***

[@jimmieuajack007]

Exactly!!!!

[@Laid2Sleep]

Just learned the hard way yesterday lol

[@AliciaEast-w4n]

Yes, and it doesn't have to be a love interest either. Narcissists are at epidemic proportion. I swear

[@jessie1090]

🔥Narcissism is the opposite of authenticity🔥

[@willabestorms6059]

pure genius…

[@donnadwarika6370]

Thank youfor your words.

[@yukio_saito]

✍ The DEEP technique: 🚫 Don't Defend 🚫 Don't Engage 🚫 Don't Explain 🚫 Don't Personalize I love that. It's easy to remember and simple to practice.

[@paulinematthews294]

😊❤

[@abancommissariat6411]

Gonna remember! Checks all the boxes!

[@ledam2654]

I would add and DON'T RUMINATE about their pathology or harass yourself trying to figure out the delusion behind their pathology.

[@debbierobertsgodwin7495]

Thank you so much! These are really great 👍🏻😃🤓❤️

[@tanteglitter2196]

The hardest being "dont't personalize"

[@bluelake6646]

How true they are constantly angry, constantly anxious.

[@saluma1447]

Yes!!

[@Caroline-ez8ls]

YES!!!!!

[@georginafronda496]

Absolutely true..

[@CorneliaClifford]

@@Caroline-ez8lsdefe Dr

[@cletiawilliams1436]

My older narc brother it's terrible he holds on from grudges from 40 yrs ago.. He's 51

[@andrereloaded1425]

This fantastic woman has helped countless people understand these empty monsters we call narcissists. It helps you process the damage they've caused.

[@yukio_saito]

1:29:00 The narcissistic relationship cycle: Love bombing ➡ Devaluing ➡ Discard ➡ Hoovering ➡ Future faking 🔙 Love bombing

[@theresesilvawalker8407]

Check check check CHECK CHECK

[@JudiFYd]

here's a ... 'my baď@jÖKe4♤2😅day ... Q:¿¿¿what is mean and round??? Å:¡¡¡Å viĆious ÇirÇle = ÇyclÇle!!!

[@abancommissariat6411]

I just love this lady. Addressing a similar situation and giving me options. Please have her back!

[@lewishowes]

Thanks for being here!

[@bluelake6646]

How exhausting to live with a narcissistic oerson.Whatever uou do, they are not happy, they do not trust you, believe you, and love does not make them happy.They are stuck in their inner world.Their love is only superficial.

[@laurieclark2456]

Ya Ike porn.

[@ptyh27]

You are describing my ex boyfriend

[@shumatsuopost]

I've dealt with narcissistic people before and it was such a draining experience. You gave great tips on how to spot and deal with them in a healthy way.

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

All this abuse described typically ends with a 911 call. Mine was made this morning. This channel and so many other great Psychologists on youtube have helped save my life. I'm forever grateful and will pay the world back threefold with the education I've learned from this channel and others on youtube. I appreciate you all who are exposing the truth and making a positive impact on the world. 🙏

[@lewishowes]

I appreciate your support! It means a lot! Big thanks to you!

[@glendajohnson4558]

I am so Greatful to learn from utube, I have a neighbor who 😕

[@Greenwitch_Garden]

I’m so grateful to grow up before social media.

[@arnhildlaurinelindkvist9444]

After 8 years alone now i'm starting to find myself... I lived with an narsissist for,31 years and we got 4 children together.He have taken over half my life,and now he have taken the children in his power... I have no contact with him,or my children because it's not getting nowhere else than more of this behaviour and i don't wont to put more gasoline in to it..,i just have to wait..,it's nothing i can do!..I need to thank you so much for this podcast 💞 EVERYTHING she said about an narsissist is tru.., EVERYTHING! Please be careful and never,ever forget what has been told today🙏💟

[@bellbell872]

10 years alone now and I don't even feel ready to date.But I am thriving in other areas.

[@andreamarie1985]

I’ve had no contact with at least four narssacists. It’s so awesome. You can’t heal if you keep these people around.

[@plumeria66]

My sister is a vainglorious, power-hungry, attention-seeking narcissist. Whenever I ask her a question about something that would be helpful to me, instead of giving me an answer, she uses the opportunity to make herself feel better than me by belittling me for asking her in the first place. I henceforth only text her twice a year: happy birthday and merry christmas.

[@AudreyTobias444]

😢

[@chrisnam1603]

@plumeria66 i soooo know what u mean! :s

[@erin5364]

😢

[@EvaArt-ud6gwari]

Good for you. Taking the supply away.

[@AliciaEast-w4n]

Plumeria...they cannot answer a simple yes or no question can they? Too important they are for that.

[@marcy7105]

My goodness: "You can't tell them good news because they will be dismissive or ridiculing, you can't tell them bad news because they get really angry and rage full, so all you can really talk about is neutral stuff like the weather!? Aha (nods)." 😢 to have a resolved endurance 🙏🏼 and wisdom

[@Wombats-1]

This woman is amazing, I was seeing a girl a few years back who was spot on what she talks about. At first she was charming, nice, WAY too nice, there were so many traits to list I can go on for an hour of the act she put on. After 2/3 months she very slowly started turning the screws on me like she thought I wouldn’t notice cause she gave it enough time that she thought she had me hooked.I switched my schedule up 180 degrees so I wouldn’t have to see her again at work, I had a new career lined up within a week. I put my notice in while I switched my schedule up. And just quit the job completely. I’m sure it rocked her world that I put on the front of just another sucker that she could continue snapping at me like I wasn’t noticing. I haven’t spoken a word to her since I walked out of the job for the last time over 3 years ago. If I would have stayed with her who knows what my mental health would have been like today. I’m sure that’s never happened to her before and I’m sure I bruised her ego for which she deserves. She was one of the worst people I’ve ever met

[@ThamithaAnnable]

Thank you for this interview. I wish that I had found it earlier. 5 years ago, my guts told me I worked around Narcissistic people and flying monkeys. I was new. I didn't defend. I didn't engage. I didn't explain, I didn't complain, and I didn't personalize. The management went above and beyond by setting many warm meetings with me and telling me what those people said about me, and because of my work were all fine. They could not understand the issues they had. I knew there was something off about the place. I don't mind hopping to several places to find the hard-to-find "empath" boss and coworkers. People say that I am passive-aggressive and let them say what they want. I was quiet and grounded.

[@mariahconklin4150]

That's sad and I understand. Some man was grooming me at work and when I spoke up they said they would do something and they did nothing I finally just quit.

[@Scorpio12348]

I’m not ever quitting for anybody

[@yamonagajraj8561]

Ed 1:18:56

[@yamonagajraj8561]

@@mariahconklin4150

[@NancyJyrgenson]

Just wanted to say that I am one of those "unicorns" of the universe. You melted my heart, when I heard that it is a word used to describe an empath, who is kind, loving and caring, who takes care of you if you are a friend, and sooooo much more if I like someone. The person who makes sure everything is good for you aswell as for me. But the news to me was that people find us so rare as unicorns. You made my day so much better. Thank you for that❤

[@JonathanDeCastro-tf5ux]

Likewise… we need to hear it from a professional.

[@diane19456]

My spouse had a 57 red Chevy convertible and he is the most malignant narcissistic!!! You hit the nail on the head! At 81 he is a horrible person. Your advice has saved my sanity and ultimately my life! Thank you from the bottom of my empathetic heart!

[@plumeria66]

If someone shows no interest in what I am saying and/or shows no empathy if I tell them about something I or someone else is going thru, it’s safe to say they are a narcissist. The most important thing is after knowing how to love myself, I now lose interest in engaging with such people and can easily move on without ever looking back and second guessing myself. Work on your self love and self worth, know the red flags, and know what to do when you see the red flags.

[@jzen1455]

I know that hollow feeling when interacting with narcissists. They tend to talk at me, and it's obvious they're putting on an act.

[@plumeria66]

@@jzen1455 That’s the only way they know how to act!

[@goodgrandma8936]

Good for you!!! Keep up the good work 👏 🙌 👍 👌 💪 😉

[@plumeria66]

@@goodgrandma8936 Thank you! We are survivors! Best wishes! 👍🙏🤗

[@mariahconklin4150]

I noticed that when I talked about someone like for instance Dr Ramni about things I learned (just giving an example) he would say, "This again? You talk about this all the time." It's like gee thanks

[@angelaknight7184]

I married a narc for 25 years ,in the end I said enough ,I had it all,mind games was the worst ,

[@atirliag2833]

25 years is also the time I spent in, too long anywho lesson learned, DEEP.

[@erkinalp]

Narcissist do change, but only towards the worse: they become more covert and more intense after each supply.

[@DashadashaPilova]

Omg

[@laughoncomedy2923]

Exactly

[@pqrstzxerty1296]

Agree😊

[@OingoLove]

He's gotten worse

[@strawberrigirl343]

Nice take

[@attilladahun1775]

I’ve been married for 16 years and I’ve always felt like every problem was my fault

[@livinggood6876]

There are so many narcissists around us. Thank you for this video. I love the reactions and questions of the host/interviewer, Lewis Howes.

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

[@Musician_Robert]

There are way too many of them for my liking.

[@tinsheek]

Youre the best Dr. Ramani!❤ thanks lewis for interviewing her🤗 we learned a lot!💜

[@lewishowes]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@jzen1455]

DEEP aka “grey rocking” or basically tuning them out and detaching from them. I’ve learned to grey rock with my mom when I was around 9 after I came to the conclusion that talking with her just stressed me out and led to her exploding with rage unexpectedly.

[@roopahiremath221]

I realize that I am such a normal (beautiful heart) and better person when I am away from narcissistic.

[@cc1k435]

A good relationship takes EFFORT, which should be more of a pleasure than pain to do, but not the force of very hard work. To me, there's a very big difference between those two situations. ❤

[@mariedonnelly8646]

When you understand narcissism, it’s very sad for all parties

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

Heartbreaking for sure.

[@MsJoyOfLife]

It is much more sad and dangerous when you don't.

[@Priya_the_princess]

I can listen her for hours❤❤

[@lewishowes]

Thanks for being here!

[@manriqul]

It’s actually something that has been the most completely heartbreaking experience that completely shattered me to pieces. 💔💔

[@meredysuru1521]

Also. Jealousy is a form of thought for people who are insecure. Being jealous shows you have self disbelief and lack of trust. If you have a person whos true. Youll never be jealous, you know regardless of their ideal charisma that they will be true to you. Jealousy is the fear that they may be not. Also. Jealousy is a failed form of control. Once you have full conteol of your mind and body. You let that go. The moment you become a real individual

[@kriyapada]

Wow, I thought I was going to watch this in chunks, but it was so engaging that the time flew by so fast. Excellent compilation 👏

[@larondaangelo4554]

I grew up with a narcissist father.. I always felt the need to apologize for being born .. I walked on egg shells and felt fear everyday of my life.. I still loved him so much

[@alllifematters]

I had to take a class for my job and we were studying the gait and assessing one another's walk and how the foot hit the floor. It was the first time that I realized I walked on my tippy toes!!! Your heel is supposed to hit the floor, too!!! I was mind blown to discover that even after decades away from my narc parent I still walked in a way to not make any noise!!

[@ThamithaAnnable]

Same. I told him literally via message, "When you F with mom, I did not choose to come. It is your fault for having fun for making me." Then, no contact.

[@nestorcharlotte7788]

That part on apologizing to being born

[@LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren]

What would you tell a young woman who didn't know that her dad is a narcissist?

[@cassandrabaker7733]

I had a relationship with a narcissist for a year and a half and it almost destroyed me. I written a book it is on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The last three chapters detail what went on and how I found out I started researching and listening to podcast, which helped me to heal, and then I started writing my book. It’s called Becoming Her I Became Me. thank you so much for helping me through one of the most difficult challenges I’ve had. I became suicidal and depression. I was so confused from all the gaslighting and games. I’m free now.

[@markrichter2053]

My mother, a covert narcissist, spent her early life in a Japanese prisoner of war camp, and then the second half of her formative years with an abusive and neglectful step-mother. At her core was an emotional void like a black hole. She’s never had a safe place of attachment in her whole life besides her mad religion and my Dad, who lost his father in the war and became her enabler. It’s all so tragic. But it left me, her main victim, without an identity or agency

[@youtubeuploads7208]

I understood this so well. When the man asked Dr. Ramani how you make a narcissist understand, you don’t that’s exactly what my words were the same time Dr. ram and he said it. And it is very emotionally draining as the young man stated it must be. Yes because I’ve loved it. Even texting on occasion is still involved. I’m trying to take myself completely out again of this whole entire nightmare. These people suck the life out of you.

[@PioneersofPersonalDevelopment]

I discovered Dr. Ramani several months ago. Although the solutions she prescribes for dealing with a Narcissistic in a relationship are hard to swallow, I have found some level of peace. Great show.

[@wendyrodriguez8198]

Gosh you are the queen! Thank you so much for this. It just gave me so much validation and insight to the craziness I’ve been dealing with for the last 17 years !!!

[@mrsks5399]

I really hope more people are getting educated about this topic before it's too late.

[@SuspiciousChicky]

Raised by a malignant narcissistic mother. I so relate to "closing the gates."

[@ZínZømbie]

I fell asleep while listening to this podcast just now and I had the most beautiful dream 😢.... I dreamed that my ex and his friend the two main people who have tribal gaslight me and made my life living hell for the past 10 months sat down and explained everything to me and why they did it. My ex didn't say much he sat there quietly but his friend told me everything. He had a few sinical smirks but he was respectful and honest. It was such a therapeutic dream it really was beautiful and the closure I needed. My first thought was to tell them about it but sometimes dreams are better than reality. They would #1 not listen to a word I say #2 gaslight me and tear me down #3 say something like oh great now you are dreaming about me you must be really crazy, stop being obsessed with me. No I can't tell them about that dream. Sometimes dreams are better than reality. Thank you Dr RAMANI!!!You have truly been a beacon of light in this journey and I can't thank you enough for posting your videos for free on KZbin. In the middle of June 2024. I remembered the first time my ex gaslight me. He said if you didn't kick me out of the house I would not have had to sell the phone you bought for me. I remember saying to myself " that's gaslighting he just gaslight me..."​but I put it in the back of my mind and forgot about it. They tribal gaslight me for many months after but I never identified it as gaslighting like I did so clearly the first time it happened. After we broke up I remembered that first time and I found Ramani's video when narcissist gaslight and I cried this woman knew me and she knew my ex because she was telling my story word for word detailed by detail it was the first time I knew there was a word for what was happening to me and my first step on the path to recovery. I have made mistakes along the way but I am learning to practice DEEP. I would love to tell them about my dream but I know better now not to engage with a narcissistic. Thank you so much for the videos they have helped me tremendously. ❤❤❤❤

[@dawngartner1185]

Best you tube video EVER!! It covers sooooo much! It's 3hrs and 9 mins long but it's a total package of revelation of the traits of a Narcissist, how it effects you and how to heal from it and have a healthy relationship from there on out! WOW!! Wow wow wow wow wow!! You'll be saying that throughout this video. It's a 3hr jump start to opening your eyes and mind and heart up to what's really going on in your life! Thanks you two! If people REALLY listen to this and keep referring back to it they'll be a lot more better off!

[@lewishowes]

Appreciate you and your support🧡

[@jeanannedupratt7075]

This video/interview is a real gem Somehow, I have had my Epiphany this time. I hope you do too. May I suggest this : Run the tape when you are doing something else, like preparing a meal, dressing up, etc. The message comes through in its soft, non-accusatory, evident way that you may be able to appreciate your own libération from self blame and learn to love the person you are more. The truths here are unbiased and as clear as can be. Enjoy. 🎉❤

[@lorrainedevlin6409]

Narcs have a terrible rage and temper when nothing goes how they want it to

[@Blessed19191]

Can you do a video on the physical impact on the body causing illnesses with narcissists🧐🤔😌

[@paxbodhi7566]

Wow. What a valuable episode. Also such vulnerability of Lewis to talk about his abuse at 5 years old… sadly a lot of us can relate. The effects of losing our innocence that young are profound but Lewis is proof that we can create great lives for ourselves despite that trauma. Sending love & healing energy to anyone that needs it while we consume content like this to become better & remove toxicity from our lives♥️

[@raziel5801]

Doc, I'm so happy to see, hear you happy. You are a genuinely good spirit.

[@JN-bw2wp]

This is podcast is on point about everything. Hearing about Lewis having these issues in prior relationships leads me to believe that this can happen to anybody. It makes me not feel alone. Thank you. The word "exhausting" describes everything about being in a relationship with a narcissist, or in my case BPD I have a toddler with her and she's now "jokingly" blaming the toddler for things she does. If I even mention that she shouldn't be doing that, she would say "you don't have social queus, you can't even tell when I am joking". I also have been accused of having autism. Can't explain, can't argue back.

[@kault324]

Lewis, you could describe narcissism, couldn't you? Haven't you intimately experienced that personality type? Do you recognize yourself as the empath? Empaths attract narcissists. Could be a good interview topic: how does the empath keep narcissists away?

[@barb6868]

I love this doctor! She is so intelligent. I’m a teacher, and her explanations are so easy to understand. I would love to talk to her.

[@manriqul]

I just am trying to find a way to seriously gather myself together after this realization.

[@catherinepraus8635]

It’s always a win lose game with them after 24yrs had to walk away so hard I just told him you win we lose I was always put on a shelf only taken down when it benefits him

[@frankG335]

DEEP: Defend, Engage Explain, , Personalized Don't "DEEP", when dealing with them.

[@meli7315]

💯

[@snickerzruiz8405]

Love her . He sounds like he is full of fear, and I’m glad she called him out on it 🎊

[@miffy2760]

I love how there’s no superficial bells or whistles with Dr Ramani ❤

[@lewishowes]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@musclelegancemusclelegance5642]

This lady is amazing I love her work ❤

[@lewishowes]

Thanks for being here!

[@Debs785]

This is breaking my heart, Dr Ramini, you are describing my life, my partner is out of my life but he is love bombing, guilt tripping me on a daily basis. He never takes responsibility for his actions. I am broken now, feel alone, he is turning everyone against me. I need help.

[@ElizabethWarrenYeahYeah]

Hang in there. Stay strong and set your boundaries. Learn to say NO. Stick to the decisions you have made and don't let them persuade you to change your mind or drop the boundary. Do things for yourself not them. So if something he suggests doesn't suit you, just say no, and don't give a reason why. You don't owe them an explanation. If they throw the toys out of their pram because you don't want to do whatever, you know that is what they really feel. The love bombing is all an act. You're a known supply and he hasn't got new supply, so you're the easiest option for him. Just remember the shyte he put you through, the people he has alienated just to keep hold of you, and know that he will do it all again. They don't know how to love, it's all for their easy life, not yours. But if all of his drama and damage is what you want, then just jump right back in. You deserve better. Pop me a message or reply for support, if you wish. Best. E ❤

[@voulafisentzidis8830]

He can bad mouth you all he wants. That's none of your business. Just remember that those who know you won't believe him and those who don't, don't matter. Please stay strong and stay away. Your survival depends on it. He'll never change and you deserve infinitely more.

[@bluelake6646]

Dr Ramani you are super expert at this and ypu exactly know how this narcissistic people are. I know this from my experience.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. The most endearing action a man /men ever made to me was being extremely vulnerable. There is strength in brokenness. Lovable ness. And revealing it to the one who has always loved you. Even if you couldn’t , didn’t believe it.

[@PamelaWildman-Williams]

This guy that constantly interrupting is demonstrating the point!

[@olyooshka]

"Anyone who is a doer and it's worked for them.." - yep, it'll get you stuck in a toxic relationship. If you are that, you will keep trying to make it work with a narc, while the narc's goal is antagonism, they strive for it to never work.

[@DearEva.]

I love Dr. Ramani. Excellent.

[@LiBRA1111]

I totally feel Lewis’s “Ohhhh my Goshhhh” 😅

[@nadiyaahmed1394]

😂😂 Me too 😅

[@LiBRA1111]

@@nadiyaahmed1394 🤣

[@larondaangelo4554]

I always look to how my date treats wait staff at a restaurant ..

[@leslie-annreid5749]

It's been seven years, and I'm still in that single-for-the-rest-of-my-life phase. I'm not sure I know how to get out of it.

[@AprilSunshine]

I'm not convinced we ever should lol

[@suraya1224]

It's been 20 yrs for me. PTSD, from the nightmare w/him, still working on trusting my own discernment.

[@goodgrandma8936]

​@@AprilSunshine If you ever want to be happy, just leave. I did but because they are so controlling, I had to plan it carefully. With the help of my Boss, he got me a transfer out of State. We worked different hours and I scheduled movers to move me on a day he was working.

[@GeorgiaJakes7]

Me too almost. With one for 25 years and now single for 6 1/2 years. I have literally said yesterday that I plan on being single the rest of my life. A relationship seems like so much work right now. Don’t feel like I’ll change. Going through death of my father 3 months ago now. We were very close and I took care of him the last 3 years. Now I’ve got to start over my career and my social life. I don’t have the energy for a man. Lol!

[@marym7394]

37 years and counting. Happier every year. Enjoying so many experiences and so many friends. A rich and satisfying life. Ive found peace.

[@katherinekelly5380]

Interesting point about the plastic surgery- i caught an interview with a plastic surgeon who said more people have a distorted view of themselves - there is a distortion of your features if you are constantly taking selfies - the lens is slight curved and it will make your nose appear bigger and Your chin recede - it really made sense of why ppl are ending up with these teeny tiny noses and chin implants

[@CharlotteCarroll-i5y]

I could listen to you two all day x

[@Supsup7777]

Every time I traveled with my ex it was a total nightmare. I ended up having to walk away.

[@sunshine8697]

Thank you for this incredible, in-depth, full presentation Lewis! 🙏🏻🤍 Dr.Ramani is wonderful! She has been a Godsend in my healing journey from 2 very specific narcissistic relationships through radical acceptance! Her teaching therapies, coaching and wisdom have been complete game changers! Learning, listening and implementing her strategies have been responsible in helping me live a more gratifying and freeing life! Patience, fortitude, and willingness to implement change are our greatest assets in recovery! Be your best self!

[@leilagomulka5690]

Like the Billy Joel verse: “ and I would choose to be with you. As if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break. Accepting that it’s okay for you to reject me . I won’t ever hurt you for this.

[@norameehan4633]

This was extremely helpful. Thank you so much for sharing these insights, especially the DEEP awareness needed to deal with these individuals. It is the best direction to take. Great advice, do not let yourself get caught in the tangled madness of the game these individuals like to play with others hearts and minds. Thank you. . . blessings 🙏

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. My ex was wildly jealous of men who were friends. He ruined relationships with paranoid unwarranted jealousy. Then I was the target of his wrath. When I exited the relationship it became a global smear campaign against me . Dr. Ramani , is there the possibility of love after loss, especially when my reputation has been besmirched . Will anyone care enough to get to know the real me. 💔

[@meli7315]

I needed to have a strong empathy in order to survive because of narcissistic abuse and parents. Trauma bond and the codependency. The self blame.

[@samtorres8186]

Literally an icon. I could listen to her talk all day

[@CdnDolly]

I just learned a few weeks ago he was a covert narcissist. Whenever I heard descriptions of a regular narc, it didn't quite fit so I thought it wasn't him.... until I heard a description of a covert. My heart dropped into my stomach. I'm the Michelangelo that's described at 52:33, and he drained me to bankruptcy. He fed off all the support and just kept taking and taking, while I supported us both. Don't be a door mat like I was, you lose everything, and it's not worth it.

[@comfortablewoman]

Look in to neglectful narc also please if you see this . Dr Ramani has a video on it too

[@MikeWoo35]

My journey for the last 17 years has been a difficult one. Being married to a person with narcissistic tendency had me questioning my own sanity. I am just now getting the inspiration to leave.

[@beverleybrangman2191]

This is so amazing, I feel as if you are describing what I have experienced for over 20years from 2 family members. Thank you for shining a light

[@dmiles8406]

The more you listen to this one the more you think and learn. Amazing 🤩 interview!

[@lewishowes]

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

[@timoteabarba]

My ex NEVER lost control before we got married, the day after the wedding he chnged in small details, and eventually he became a totally different person from whom I married .

[@anonymouscm7270]

Many thanks to both Dr. Ramani and Mr. Lewis Howes for this very very very insightful video🙏🕊🌷💝🤗

[@cjay2658]

This describes my ex to a Tee! So glad I'm not in that relationship anymore!

[@FranklinHanover]

Dr. Ramani: Thank you. Especially for "the chickens will come home to roost."

[@lewishowes]

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

[@MikeBarron1]

Thanks for this wonderful information about dealing with a Narcissist. 💯👊💪

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

[@1463FJ]

Dr. Armani has be a key component in helping me maintain not contact with my abuser (violence included) and appreciate her insight. However, Lewis, this interview discussion was so much deeper that ok it to the next level. Thank you so much for this. I am two years no contact (well minus the court dates) and still slowly moving forward. But the discussion of seeing the signs early and knowing when to respectfully to walk away. In all honesty, I know the exact moment I had the little voice I heard with the ex malignant narcissist and I ignored it. You and Dr. Ramani helped me to keep it up. 🙌🏻 thanks!!

[@antonioavitabile7066]

I completely agree that different cities have different percentages as well. I came from a small village in Italy and moved to London Uk. The comparison in any areas (work, relationships, etc) is incredible

[@Starlightndust]

I once spoke to afriend, who I've never seen for at least 30 years on the phone. I told her Ihad Cancer. Her reply to me was "Now you're better". No empathy or compassion.

[@sugar1973us]

I adore Dr. Ramani! I never get tired of listening to her. So brilliant. Thank you Lewis for asking great questions! I agree with the BAD DRIVING! Oh my goodness! I had to gasp. He used to drive crazy fast, staying in the passing lane, up on the bumper, tail gaiting. 😅 Talk about white knuckles gripping my seat!!! And he never would adjust for my discomfort. He was like, that's just how I drive, accept it. 😮 Much like his narc beliefs. He pretty much checked all the narc trait boxes now! So glad I'm no contact now. 😅

[@jaimiejin7992]

I love it that she just goes, narcissists won't change. No. Don't even give them another chance. No they won't change. That's so true! I really need to just hold down the fort and stay firm defending myself against narcissists lol

[@breezyakanan7544]

I had hoped that Dr. Ramani would have spoken in-depth about adult children whom you discover late in their life that they are narcissistic.

[@timoteabarba]

OMG I don't want to cry, but so many flashbacks, so many feelings waking up with some things you say Dr!

[@AliciaEast-w4n]

Gotta say...I, really, like the gray in doctors hair. Beautiful.

[@peggyllaverias5715]

Omaigashhh what a wonderful night and hours I have spent hearing today this realistic and fluently conversation thanks you both rocking 💌

[@sharlotteseiber375]

Some religions if your baptized in that religion than your baptizing your family in the religion, choices is so important in life. Taking the them away, giving them, using them, grateful for them, changing them, your choice reflects you cognitive experience with your knowledge and the wisdom and the environment and pain levels, and depression