10 WAYS TO STOP RE-ENACTING ABANDONMENT TRAUMA IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS | DR. KIM SAGE

*FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp.com
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
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[@Inveggible]

This journey is really hard.. wishing everyone with trauma issues the best because it’s not easy 😢 hang in there ♡

[@EmsEms81]

Back at you ❤

[@pamelacotte]

You are definitely not alone and healing is possible. ❤

[@theresacruz146]

❤️‍🩹 toughest work yet!! But very possible!

[@Bboyredmoon]

34 years old and never had a girlfriend or more then 2 dates due to my unresolved traumas , It’s wild how helpful these videos are for understanding what the hell ive been going through this whole time . Idk if I’ll ever get passed my self limitating beliefs. Peace and blessings everyone 🙏

[@invisible_is_here]

10:09 start of 10 ways of healing abandonment trauma

[@reallythere]

Sad to assume that everyone had a partner or a safe person. I didn't for almost 60 years. To all the alone and lonely, I wish you well ❤

[@pamelacotte]

I completely agree. I wrote Dr Kim about this too.

[@reallythere]

@pamelacotte good you did. It's so important. With an available safe person, the vast majority of people wouldn't be here reading and listening to this for help.

[@pamelacotte]

@reallythere You said it perfectly!

[@barbaraseidel4342]

❤❤❤

[@abbyjones2414]

60 years alone is sad.

[@PrancyBiscuit]

All of this was so accurate, thank you. You feel like you're broken and a waste of space bc you can't get your needs met, which leads to self-hate. Becoming the inner parent and trying to meet your scared, hurt, angry, and untrusting inner child's needs is a process

[@melissabeach7078]

I try to remind myself that I am who I am despite of my parents, not because of them. It reminds me that I have a choice in how I show up in life.

[@BecomeConsciousNow]

Good video! I never understood what people ment by "shame" from childhood. Yes you're right, it comes from not getting the love and nurturing from your Mother, so now you feel unworthy of love and not good enough. So you feel ashamed about who you are because of the rejection you felt in childhood. It's all very complex and confusing!!

[@jamaica2010ism]

Thank you for that explanation. I was trying to figure out why I felt ashamed. So many things get left out in explanations no matter who is explaining it. I am so grateful to you for helping to put this piece together.

[@ellebelle86]

I've been avoiding watching this video because I knew I'd get called out, lol. Self-abandonment is no joke, and I'm taking every single one of these questions into journaling/prayer/meditation. Thank you for this video Dr. Sage, it was the gentle kick in the pants that I needed. 💜

[@JenniferKastelic]

This (and other videos you've made) has been enormously helpful. Listening to this is helping regulate my nervous system! I have 3 kids and when they were very young, they had a mom (me) with undiagnosed CPTSD and we also lived in a fairly rural area with lots of isolation. It was very rough on all of us. Luckily I recognized I had some responsibility to heal and have worked diligently for well over a decade. I have made great strides and we all openly talk about our mental health. Still, all 3 have their own mental health issues and my guilt is very strong. Being given tools that I can share with them is wonderful. Thank you.

[@bbdn5123]

Hi Jennifer, I think you made a brave choice. I'm one of those three kids. It's very helpful just to be open about it and look for help. I'm alone in this journey. No contact with family is not helping me, my mind is warped for a lack of better wording at this time I can't come up with a different word. To keep in touch with them equals to be out of touch with this world unliving of mind and/or body. I chose life, it doesn't feel like that. I know what this road entails, it's just hard being alone your whole life. This time I really need hugs, warmth and kindness to restore. Does anyone know where such a grown orphan child can find this..? I've been like a hunter gatherer growing up scooping and scraping every small amount of kindness I could find and plaster in unto my soul. I'm having such a hard time to take care of myself now. Health problems arise like weeds, can't keep up with maintenance of this physical body, time has been speeding up and I'm walking backwards. I'm not even half way the video and my body is so tensed and hurt, I'm unable to relax and sleep oh and eat. The Higer Plan makes me feel even more crushed, I fail so deeply, on every level. I'm stuck in a crazy loophole. Feel like I need to stay here and figure everything out. I know I need to be different this time. It takes time. The right Time. May our Creator ease our hardships, may He replace our suffering with peace, kindness and joy, may we find safe shelter and provision from our Protector, may we be able to see the Light, ameen. ☝🏽🌌💖💫

[@kathyannk]

@@bbdn5123It’s hard to read your comment and not feel compassion towards you. I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. We’re all on our own path and it’s up to each one of us to honor that path by rising above our past, because we are not meant to go through life suffering or feeling guilt, shame, low self-value, etc., nor are we meant to go through life suffering with physical ailments that developed from those things. There’s so much beauty, joy, and inner peace to know in this life. You can and will heal, but there’s a lot of work to do. It’s good work, the most worthy work you’ll ever have to do. You’ve just disconnected from your soul, your divine nature, and you simply need to find that reconnection. Let this knowledge excite you. And know that you’re not alone. Change that belief right now. Being over-attached to our past happens when we don’t process our pain, and how are sensitive children supposed to know how to do that? When we don’t receive the emotional nurturing and validation we require, the dense energy of that pain resides in our bodies, and much of the work involves learning to release it, or rather transmute it into the rich energy of renewal and growth and forward movement. Your life is going to get better than you ever imagined. You are ready to take the next steps. I can sense this from what you’ve said. Your honesty is so telling. And of course you’ll never erase the past, but you can heal it enough when you learn to detach from the pain and see it more objectively. This is when the fun starts. You’ll see. Follow the breadcrumbs. They’re there. Follow your intuition. Meditate in whatever way works for you. It will reconnect you to that quiet, magical little voice of your intuition, which is the gateway to your soul. TRUST YOUR SOUL. Learn about somatic healing/nervous system healing (SO important), chakra work, breath work, stretching, IFS and your inner child. Learn about shadow work (Carl Jung), because the more we bury the yucky stuff, the more it controls us. Listen to Abraham Hicks videos for some positive shifting, read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle to learn the beautiful value of presence. Read and listen to whatever presents itself. Walk in nature. Journal. Gently forgive yourself and others. Be more positive with your thoughts. Keep your focus away from the negativity. Don’t wallow (saying this with love). Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed. Tell yourself this is gonna be so great. Allow yourself to receive miracles. Two phrases: “You are the love you are seeking. Stop betraying yourself for the love of others”. ~ Blake D. Bauer “The source of all creation pulses within me, ceaselessly”. Pretty cool, huh? ~ Scott Schwenk Reclaim your power and claim your prize. You’re the prize, in all your wholeness. You’ve got this!! I’m sending you love and the warmest hugs!! ✨💛💫🌤🌱💪🏼🤸🏼

[@kathyannk]

How wonderful that you recognized your responsibility to heal. Please don’t feel guilty. Forgive yourself and replace the guilt with allowing yourself to feel proud of the work you’ve done. Guilt only drags us down. It’s useless. You are stronger than your guilt. 💛

[@pamelacotte]

I agree. Forgive yourself. You are doing the important work by opening up a space for healing in your family. My family never did this and it made my healing so much harder. In addition to meditation and mindfulness, these resources have helped me a lot: The workout witch (you tube) gentle but powerful exercises for calming the nervous system and releasing trauma. CPTSD Foundation support group etc Crappy Childhood Fairy on you tube Dr Kim:) Take care. Healing is possible and you are on the right path❤

[@freeandfabulous4310]

Childhood trauma and being devoid of primary love is in my cells. Consequently, I don’t know how to care for myself without shame and have no real idea about connection other than what I know from book knowledge. How do I work out of it when it’s an integral part of who I have always been? I was treated like a trash can. Dumped on, name called, raged on and kicked when I was down. I was not treated like a human. I never mattered.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Find a picture of yourself when you were a child and try to think of you as the mother for that child who wasn't care. Re-parent yourself ❤

[@michellemurray9448]

Dr. Sage, I can’t thank you enough for all of these videos. I am finally beginning to truly understand where my constant feelings of “never enough” and desperate loneliness come from. I wish I didn’t live on the opposite side of the country from you! The process of finding a therapist to help me with self-discovery and healing is just too overwhelming (I don’t have the energy to sift through unknown people until I find a good fit), but these videos help so much. I am confused by my own reactions to things I have expected since having children-namely having them move away as they become adults with their own lives and families. I want them to have a good life of their own choosing! It is what we have been working toward since they were born, but my deep sense of confusion and hurt when they move away to have their own adult lives is so SO painful and confusing! I struggle with the inner voice (as I always do) telling me that they are moving away because I have been a bad parent and they don’t want me around. The pre-language foundational abandonment of being the oldest child of a narcissistic/histrionic mother and and alcoholic father who was never around, is so basic to being me that I struggle to recognize it, but these videos are so extremely helpful. I wish you could be my therapist! :) ❤

[@mozartrn1]

I agree especially with your comment that we raise our children to grow into functioning adults with their own families and lives. Yes, it is difficult when they move away. Recently went through this and am recreating my life again. Take care of yourself. You are a blessing to them no matter how near or far.

[@sodakhanart]

Question. As someone who was abandoned by my bpd mom as a child has made me SO TERRIFIED of ever neglecting my own young daughter. To the point that i’m slightly obsessed with proving to myself that i’m not like my own mom that i’ve made my entire life about being there for her and i kinda lost my own identity. Can anyone else relate?

[@Lyrielonwind]

I don't have kids but worked with them. You need time for yourself and try not falling into being too protective since your child needs to develop their identity too and overprotection can have very negative effects. Be there for your child but also give him/her room. The idea is nurturing a kid so they can be healthy and autonomous. And you need some self care too. I understand your need to make sure you don't reproduce your childhood but don't go to the other extreme. Overprotection can be damaging too. Try to find a balance.

[@kks8838]

Very accurate video. Struggle with trauma from being really young. it’s a constant battle. This video is very helpful. Can’t get too close to someone before pushing them away. It’s hard. Wishing everyone who deals with the same thing the best

[@mrs.elsasser]

You are helping me so much and i appreciate that so much! I'm 49 and have struggled with mental health issues since my very traumatic childhood. Those wounds have csrried over into my adult relatiinships and with my 3 sons. I live in fight or flight with a narcissistic husband who also suffers from these issues, but carries them differently than i do. I have recently started seeing a psychiatrist and a trauma therapist because i found you here on KZbin! Thank you Dr. Kim! You are making a difference!! 💜💜💜

[@mrs.elsasser]

*wow I should have proof read this. Please excuse the typos 💜

[@chimeracleshappen]

I don’t agree that only children can be abandoned. I find this theory to completely bypass aduts with disabilities that are really as vulnerable often times.

[@sodakhanart]

True. And adults who come out as LGBT or have different religions beliefs.

[@sethtenrec]

The theory isn’t that “only children can be abandoned”, so that’s a strawman argument. Enjoy!

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@sethtenrec true - people attracted to these videos were abandoned in some way during childhood just seem to make up most of the audience (myself included).

[@uxnne4492]

I’m 27 y/o and just felt like a 2 y/o bawling my eyes out in the middle of the street, experiencing my mum walking away from me (like when I was little). I really want to feel more in control of my emotions and learn to speak up for myself. Thank you for this video, it feels so gentle 💛

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Just broke up with one of these people. she had absolutely no interest in looking at the issue. Once they decide that the open and supportive person in their life is a danger, there is no way to talk.

[@kaydeej1909]

Hay. I am so glad I found your channel. I resonate so clearly with the eggshell parenting, cptsd, disorganized attachment style kinda stuff. Iam not wandering around in darkness anymore and I have some solid ground I can work from now. You make me understand some structures in my head and the ''self-asking-questions'' to pinpoint and change the structures I use as journal prompts. Thank you. I do feel more stabilized working with your videos.

[@Reilly5]

Thank you for this video! It really hit the abandonment wound in me, and I had to breathe slowly to feel the feeling and not run from it.

[@stormy439]

Thank you so much for making these videos! They are truly a blessing.😊👍

[@kadelbach63]

Thank you so much for this video. You have a great understanding of the subtle cross-currents between our hidden-defensive-behavior and what feels like our supportive aspirations. So often I cancel myself out and sabotage wonderful connections, by not recognizing the difference, soon enough. 🙏

[@user-fg4my1mv8t]

As I listened to this wonderful help I meditated I petunia flowers 🌺 and dead flowers and heal those wounds and where I have been choosing and manifesting from “ I don’t matter “ getting more of those experiences! Thanks to you and Terry Real ❤

[@ladykws]

Love this topic. Thank you.

[@joansandeen9443]

Thank you, Kim. I struggle with this a lot and its hard for people to understand me. Ive lost a lot of people in my life...people misinterpet my behavior which is painful for me because im a gentle, caring person who doesnt want to harm anyone. People are not always compassionate enough to make the effort to understand. You are so helpful. My past trauma truly saddens me because its a hard road to walk.

[@colleenurban7673]

Providential for me today Dr kim. Going to work on this today.❤

[@martun321]

Thank you for this video. I need to hear such content on a regular basis. In my case the fear of being left is so gigantic that even when the rational part of me knows that things won't work anyway, feelings are still overwhelming

[@kristynafilipova2316]

Just typed down these questions for you :) 1. How am I showing up? What does my NS look like when triggered? 2. What can I do to increase ventral-vagal connection? 3. Developping abundance plan. Try to realize and remember the moments of abundance with your partner/other people. 4. What does my inner child need? Which of my inner child’s needs am I currently neglecting? 5. Where am I people pleasing? 6. How does you hypervigilance show up? What can you do to slow that down? 7. What feelings do I suppress when in pain? 8. What are my inner and outer critics doing that sabotages this connection and coregulation? 9. What mindful practice can I implement to help listen to my intuition? 10. Where am I neglecting/abandoning myself? sending lots of love ❤❤❤ we got this guys ❤️‍🩹🫀

[@jimv7945]

This brings me a great start. A lot of practice and hard work ahead but looking forward to the challenge

[@cindywest4080]

Kim, I can't thank you enough for helping me alnog this journey. This has been such an eye-opening experience for me. I really had no idea how much I needed to hear the things you talk about. I didn't know what to call any of the things I had gone through or the behaviors I displayed. With your help, I have learned so much about myself, and most of all, I don't feel so alone. Love you, girl, keep on being beautiful, caring, and compassionate.

[@Nancy-cm1rh]

Thank you❤

[@twillsJKZ]

Just came across your channel, thanks for sharing your work with us, it’s so helpful. I like to meditate and one thing that’s helped me the most is ‘building a container to hold the chaos’. Realising when I’m triggered that this is a part of me that is scared, but it is not the entirety of me. I am the whiteness of the distress I’m feeling and can hold that pain and also act from a place of compassion (which I believe is ALL of our true nature) You are the loving spacious part that contains all of your thoughts, feelings and emotions. You are acceptance. You, the awareness isn’t broken, a part of you feels that way and that’s ok, sit with it, reassure it. A part of me is scared of being abandoned and instead of relying on someone else to comfort me I try to become aware that this part of me is feeling threatened and I do my best to sit with it. Like you would you child if it was upset. You then become your own inner parent to that part of yourself and start building a trust with each other. I’m very visual so when I meditate these images will come into my head whilst I’m simultaneously feeling what I’m feeling. I would recommend loving kindness to anyone who wanted to start learning this as a practice :) this isn’t something you can conceptualise, it’s more a knowing through practicing and becoming aware. lots of love everyone ❤️

[@ryannesumbry4130]

This was a lot to take in… just reminds me I still have so much work to do on myself… the music 🎶 at the end makes me feel like I’m having a fine dining experience 😂

[@noturbo]

no wonder i stay single lol and if someone finds me they are messed up also

[@pamelacotte]

Sounds like old patterns that can healed so you will attract healthy people.

[@theresapaulse877]

I was abandoned at birth as a newborn. I was adopted by a loving family who weren't perfect but I love them. My adaption always made me feel embarrassed and like an outcast. I do not know my biological history. I never asked my mom because I didn't want her to feel like she was not good enough. I don't know how to go about healing the abandonment part. I am extremely codependent. Always held onto toxic relationships, I just can't see myself being alone. I lost my 3-month-old son, my died during my first pregnancy, in a crazy toxic relationship and I am extremely dysregulated. People believe I am psychotic. I feel emotionally sick inside.

[@222radar]

Thank you so much!!!

[@ninemoonplanet]

Abandonment, one parent there, gone, other parent there, gone, strangers there, one parent working, then strangers gone, two parents there neither liked the other, forget about caring. Constant criticism, or just being ignored. Crying, told to quit being hysterical. I don't have any friends, no partner, and I understand that I expect someone to "pull the rug from under me". Being open? Forget that. I walk away when I sense someone will demand something from me because I didn't have any money, didn't know how to deal with the chitchat. Trust people, only to a very minimum to get something done. Irrational anger from either parent, a terrifying aspect. I chose poorly with people I was around because they had 2 loving, caring parents. That was a strange world to me. I can trust myself to do what I need done. Self-sufficient and learning how to do a myriad of things. None of them done well. Abandonment, I abandon them before they have the chance to "pull that rug".. Do I want a close relationship? Not if it means trusting over the long term. Ironically, I don't miss the hassles, the emotional pain, the demands on my emotional support. I'm different, yes, I am capable of dealing with the hassles I run into, and I don't have to face someone dropping me in the road.

[@BradCampbell-bf6kw]

Thank you

[@lila8445]

thank you

[@karencoburn9221]

What about abandoned at birth, given to an orphanage for 3mo with instructions not to find that person's mom?....

[@Kajpaje]

Same, same but different. However, not connecting to Mums central nervous system via the eyes, means missing out on a bond/connection that is so Important. Often wondered why my closest friends are adopted. Friends made before realising/knowing we have that in common. Gotta overcome, and recognise, because we are no longer children, and no longer need to follow unhelpful patterns. Love to you friend.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@Kajpaje it's hard to let go of the unhelpful patterns, but so necessary!

[@Kajpaje]

@@ShintogaDeathAngel Just recognising them is a start. An automatic response, where closeness feels suspicious, and potentially dangerous. Thanks, gotta work on that constantly.

[@Eleerm]

Oh God. I'm crying early in this video.

[@te-.3210]

To my kids and family

[@tanishqjain8829]

My parents were very nice to me but people around me like my friends and relatives all of them were always shaming me or bullying me...then in my teenage my ex left me twice traumatizing me for life....now the relationships are tough it seems I m not enough my situationship would leave me and it's so true when m all alone m so much at peace with myself

[@anielyantra1]

I appreciate your videos because they help me to realize I am hopelessly feral and I can learn to accept that because all you therapies are predicated on having any relationship....maybe next life?

[@pamelacotte]

You are not alone in this. Many people with CPTSD do not have a relationship or are in difficult relationships. Healing is possible by developing a support network and people with CPTSD can find supportive partners. I haven't found one yet but am hopeful. Take care

[@pamelacotte]

Crappy Childhood Fairy on you tube has some great videos on making friends, finding supportive people etc

[@user-lp8fp9us1l]

I even do it with my Jobs. Constantly need to escape or quit. So annoying

[@jamaica2010ism]

1. How am I showing up? What does my nervous system look like, especially when I feel triggered around abandonment in my relationship? 2. What can I do to increase ventral vegal connection? 3. Develop a plan for abundance? 4. What does my inner child need? 5. Where am I people pleasing? 6. How does my hypervigilance show up? 7. What feelings do I suppress when I am in pain? 8. What is my inner/outer critic doing that sabatoges this connection? 9. What mindful practice can help? 10. Where do I abandon myself?

[@mmohseni69]

I need help please to find a right therapist more like trauma related many forms of it also I have ADHD and OCD please let me know. Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words🙏

[@LaydeeHijabee]

I’m just spiraling

[@melbourne51]

so me...

[@Draco_Alpha]

i just got released from an inpatient psychiatric hospital, and while i was in there i realized that i have a SEVERE abandonment wound. it gives me anxiety thinking about it... does anyone have a roadmap i can follow to get through this? i need help... this must be coming up NOW because it's time for me to deal with it.

[@christianyaerger1751]

I had a trauma response to an event a few weeks ago, and it triggered a strong avoidant response in me. This was exacerbated by a close friend expressing certain needs and wants - in my already compromised state, I perceived myself as unable to fulfill their needs and went into a huge spiral of self shame. I apologized to her for acting distant, and told her about the preceding event, but couldn't speak to the shame or her expression of needs (the expression of needs wasn't even directed at me, it was just a general comment, but something in be said, "This is MY responsibility," even if it wasn't.) How can I communicate with her if something like that happens? How can I communicate my depression, my own needs, my desire for co-regulation, without burdening her or expecting her to manage my feelings for me? Is that even possible?

[@Lyrielonwind]

Tell her you are not in your best and that's why you are in need of more time with yourself and that is personal and it has nothing to do with her or anybody. That since you don't feel ok you feel a little out of place at times.

[@twistednerve444]

So Billie Eilish just released this song called What Was I Made For and in the comments section someone wrote something painfully relatable regarding the lyrics: "I'm sad again. Don't tell my boyfriend; it's not what he's made for." They mentioned that this particular line hits different when you're transitioning from an abusive/toxic relationship to a healthy one. I understand. Even though my partner empathizes and does his best to understand and exhibit patience and an abundance of love, I still feel guilty. I feel that I'm being manipulative and whiny by expressing my negative emotions to him. There's this cruel voice now taking a front seat in my mind screaming at me that there's no need to voice your concerns because it'll become routine/habit and they will become exhausted. I know I need to talk to him while combining all of these other exercises but talking to him when I feel too overwhelmed feels deeply unfair. I fear I may take advantage of this and become some soul-sucking energy vampire. It's too much for me to fathom that anyone could consistently show me patience and love. It almost doesn't make any sense at all. I care for others deeply, but I can't imagine them feeling the same way. If my own mother couldn't stick around when she saw the real me, what makes me believe someone who isn't my blood can do that for me? And shouldn't I just stay completely alone until I've learned how to give that to myself? But even I know that doesn't make much sense either because I cannot give myself what I don't have and if I don't surround myself around loving people, if I don't risk it and expose myself to other humans who could possibly love me (romantically, platonically, or otherwise) then I'm actively cutting myself from the world and I don't want that either. I've done that and it turned me into a monster for a while. I've already tried closing up my heart and soul. It nearly killed me. The guilt I feel before, during, and even after speaking to my partner is exhausting and all-consuming. I feel it with my entire body and I'm not sure how much more I could take. I asked my therapist the other day if I was losing my mind and he honestly replied no. He simply said that I am a deeply wounded individual who has been through and is still going through a lot. It feels like spiraling and a lot of the times I just want out even though I see stars for this person. It makes me feel at ease when he's at ease or happy. When he's down I want to help. It's not that I'm incapable of love the way I had believed for so long. I subscribed to this narrative that I was unlovable and could not love others. I do love. Hard. I'm just hurting and I wish there was a way to be kinder to myself. I seriously don't know how. Some days it feels as though I'm losing hope, the fire I used to have in my belly that made me ferociously fight for my life and that scares the crap out of me. My partner knows most of this and still insists that he has no intention of running and it angers me and frightens me all at once. How can that be? Maybe I'm not even ready to hear "I love you unconditionally" from someone. Maybe I don't deserve it if I don't feel ready for it because I can't even say it to myself.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Why don't you try to love you the way you love others? It's a beginning. Self care is hard for those who have been abuse and neglected. We see it as selfishness but it is not. Lately, I'm trying to talk to myself as I talk to others to shrink my inner critic. If I get conscious that I am speaking to myself the way my parents did, I stop and then say to myself: "if you say that to someone else, later you will be ashamed and you will feel mean and cruel so, why I'm being so mean to myself?". It's a way to show compassion to myself and stop my inner critic reproduce the same mean words that hurted me so badly.

[@twistednerve444]

@@Lyrielonwind thank you so much for taking the time to read my comment and reply. I understand what you're suggesting is easier said than done, but I do have a choice. And you're right. I should choose everyday to extend the same compassion, attention, and love I give others to myself. I've thought of that often. I wouldn't dream of saying awful things to a friend or a loved one in a moment of distress because I understand it would hinder their healing process and, consequently, we would all feel like complete shit. So I should see myself as my own best friend. If I talk badly to myself in a moment when I'm already down, how could I expect to improve? That uncovers another layer which is "do I even deserve to feel good and heal?" And my answer is yes. Yes, I do deserve healing because I believe everyone else deserves peace. We've all deserved healing and love from the moment we came into being and I'm not separate from the rest. I'm not a monster. Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling and processing AT you. But I did want to express that I'm grateful for your encouragement and I'll do everything to keep your advice at the forefront of my mind while going about my day. You take care.

[@pamelacotte]

Working on self love and self talk may help Crappy Childhood Fairy and Marisa Peer on you tube are quite good for this.

[@Vicarious27]

I know this is 7 months after your post, and I hope your self-care journey is going well. I just started mine. I wanted to share that I came across a guided meditation video by Lara Leon. It was around building trust with your inner child. I didn’t think it would be that good, but I ended up breaking down during it, but in a good way. It helped me to realise that I haven’t been supportive of myself and that I didn’t have the support I needed growing up. Obviously it hasn’t miraculously healed my demons, but I definitely felt better within myself after it. Maybe give it a try and see how it lands with you. All the best.

[@marqann]

I heard, than when you have childhood trauma, you can't rely on your intuition? It's often not your intution but your fear, how to tell the difference?

[@JeraldGarretson-rb7fl]

❤

[@Nikitaxo24]

Why do you assume we all have partners. Some of us have isolated ourselves.

[@laurenbrogan5440]

Hi Dr. Kim, thank you for sharing this video. I was curious if abandonment trauma is common in CPTSD survivors? The abandonment seems to be associated a lot with BPD, so it feels confusing sometimes when abandonment is common in both. Thank you 💜💜

[@mendingmandy869]

I have abandonment trauma and CPTSD so I would def say yes. I'm not a professional, but I can personally say absolutely.

[@juliarussellkautt4748]

Dr Gabor Maté proposes that in an abusive home, an infant cannot defend him/herself or flee. The only choice left is to fawn / dissociate. He believes this is where ADHD is created. I think even if a parent is intentionally coming at a child to do harm, it’s still a form of abandonment - the parent’s job is to protect and nurture. An abusive parent has abandoned that position.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Yes, it is. Even if they were physically present they were emotionally absent. That's abandonment. Besides, In cases of mild "BPD" I think is misdiagnosed and it is complex PTSD. Sometimes I think BPD can be a sack where psychologists throw whatever doesn't fit exactly in any other category. I also think that some disorders have fuzzy edges and you can get different diagnosis depending of the therapist. Not all the psychologist follow the same book and the DSM-V have critics too due to many factors.

[@pamelacotte]

I have CPTSD and without being an expert in bpd I would guess that the link is early trauma linked to relationships with caregivers. The book the body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kerk is excellent in gaining an understanding of early trauma and it's impact.

[@pamelacotte]

in my case CPSD is definitely linked with abandonment issues from early childhood b

[@Malekfahad420]

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[@e.e.e]

I keep being homeless and kicked out of places over & over & over again. Does it have anything to do with that? I don't understand the word "abandonment" when it comes to people. I keep attracting very abusive landlords, mgrs or neighbors. (I don't do drugs, I'm disabled). I am very ill and tired and I can't do this, i need a home. will any of this video help me?

[@JeraldGarretson-rb7fl]

Hold the faith in Lord eee

[@nancybartley4610]

Is emotional neglect or showing no interest in whom a child is the same as abandonment?

[@pamelacotte]

I would consider that a form of abandonment.

[@yoloxoxo4042]

It is also worst than physical abuse from what i recently learned

[@suzannetaichert8872]

I had loving but dysfunctional parents. I carry that into every relationship. They only last 7 years. Then I have a giant pity party 😂

[@cathychase663]

can you have abandonment wounds from adult kids too? siblings?

[@dolorestroeller4734]

I wanted to answer your question because I have a similar one. I believe mine started from the kids on my block. I was the new girl at about the age of 7 or 8 It was excruciating I was rejected for years. Everyday was the same. I was going out to play and didn’t know if I was going to be allowed to join or not. Everyday was a different response and the fear was endless.. I believe that was the beginning of my demise. I was married once after the divorce I never put myself out there again I’ve also felt similar with some siblings and 1 adult daughter 😢

[@nancybartley4610]

Imho, absolutely! My brother abandonment me when I was 11 or 12 and again permanently as an adult. He was my only sibling with whom I was raised. It took a long time to recognize the first abandonment. It was very, very damaging because my father was critically ill from my 8th year until he died when I was 16. This left only emotionally neglectful mother. I really needed my brother. I was essentially a homeless child and have lived disconnected, walking in a fog all my life. There is a difference between a house and home. The former is a cold, physical structure. A home is a safe, loving place where you are treasured. I do not blame my brother. Instead, I feel deeply for him. He is a product of the same toxic childhood. He simply processed it differently and built his shell of protection.

[@cathychase663]

omg- we all have so much. I am so sorry.@@nancybartley4610

[@cathychase663]

me too- and I tend to push people away bc of fear - I have been on my own- @@dolorestroeller4734

[@cathychase663]

Oh I have same issue- just saw this. Hugs@@dolorestroeller4734

[@jophillipsillustration]

🩵

[@katebueno191]

Let's talk about the money you stole and tried to hide !!

[@katebueno191]

You sat here and rob me for something g that did not exist with stolen information from a stalker !!

[@katebueno191]

Let's talk about your mediocre investigation skills that you have to plot things that didn't happen..let's talk about that instead !

[@moragization]