10 Ways To Tell A "Normal" Relationship Vs. One With A Narcissist

[@roybatty3889]

I’ve been out of my relationship with a narcissist for 8 years. Have I healed? Doubtful. I’m happy doing my own thing, but I’ll never trust anyone again. It took me years to find myself again - I’m not giving that up for anyone. I’m comfortable in the knowledge that remaining a bachelor for the rest of my life will keep me safe. I’m not sure if that constitutes a “win” (not that “winning” is the point), but I’m okay with that uncertainty. At least I’m safe. My cat and I will be happy, living our lives peacefully.

[@kevinowens6010]

I done the same Brother. However the hoover will come. Karma does not miss a doorstep. We get the opportunity to serve that up when they come sniffing around.

[@gorunsko31]

You have a great reason to be proud of yourself.

[@raccuia1]

The part where you said you'll never trust anyone again I felt that you feel bad about that in some way. My view is not trusting anyone is actually a strength that shows experience and good risk management. Why would we put the onus on ourselves to carry any thoughts about anyone which has the potential to be harmful for us. With any part of life that involves another doing anything for us carries a risk because we do not control the situation fully. Just saying.

[@ebackvon]

Right on and Spot on. I have a dog and two cats. There is no better unconditional love than that of pets. I hope you will find peace in your solitude and freedom!

[@brianreed8271]

Hey Roy I have married two of these creatures. Both of these relationships lasted about 15 years that adds up to more than half my life. I didn't learn anything from the first one. The information just wasn't out there. It is now, and I've educated myself. I'm sure I will never fully trust anyone again. And like you I'm happy with my cat. I am moving on from this. A little over 2 years no contact. I have two adult children whom I've raised without their mother. She moved thousand miles away. My children are still in the neighborhood. They love and respect me and are doing well. That's a really big win. I'm going to live the life that me and the second one plan together. I will do all the things we were going to do without her. I'm going to win again. They are both very miserable people I am not. I'm building a happy healthy life with my children and grandchildren. It will be nothing but wins from here on out.

[@slogger1345]

If someone cheats, they don’t respect their partner period. If this happens get rid of them.

[@MichNative01]

Agree!!

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

No excuse

[@RolandSemore]

What if your partner treats you like shit and keeps you around just to use you?

[@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL]

@@RolandSemoreas much as you think you love them, love yourself MORE. LEAVE… unless you’re into this kind of dynamic.. No one deserves to be used, abused, and discarded. 😢💔🤯

[@jamesyoung187]

@@RolandSemore Being unfaithful to your marriage vows is about YOU, not about your partner. Do you have integrity? Did you enter into marriage with commitment? Sex outside of marriage is a different topic. I would propose that you can have no expectations, without being committed in marriage. I say this having suffered through a mostly sexless marriage for 20 years, while my ex was definitely getting her rocks off outside of the marriage (found the proof afterwards, and she freely admitted it). I understand how a man could be sorely tempted to be unfaithful to his marriage vows.

[@Greenwings701]

If they have something they'd rather do, they'll never sacrifice their own needs for yours. Well put. This applies to friends too.

[@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL]

😢 I feel like I’m nothing. Always 2nd choice. I deserve to be chosen first sometimes, don’t I? 😔

[@Greenwings701]

All the time, because it shouldn't be a contest or a competition. No one should feel like they're losing by being with another person.@@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL

[@leannmeddings4068]

​@loveisrene, you do deserve better.

[@Hisgirlsue]

@@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL Start putting yourself first. Take all the love and empathy you have for others and give it to yourself.

[@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL]

Discard happened a week ago & while I knw it’s what’s best, I feel so broken, abandoned, & I just want to be with him. (the good, loving, kind, funny, cuddly, him). 💔

[@panfried7566]

08:22 - "with the narcissist, you will be accused of giving all your attention to your kids". slam dunk! I could not for the life of me understand why she became SO ANGRY when i was doing what a responsible father would do with their kids. truly, she acted like a 5-year old! thanks, lise.

[@harperlewis1526]

Yes, especially when they get older and need more quality time, start having ideas of their own that differ from hers, that's when the slow train wreck really started to become obvious. We have 4 children. The jealously - it was like she was stuck at age 12 - which is probably when her father really shut her down (he was a charming, cheating, malignant narcissist).

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

Same here with the narc husband. He accused me of loving the kids more than him.

[@8902tina]

My husband was jealous of our baby. He complained why I give our new born so much attention. Complained why I didn’t get a babysitter for a two month old so we can go on a sexy vacation.

[@Hamzak786]

My ex was the same. Apparently I always spent time with my family when I never did. She didn't like it when I used to see my friends because she didn't have any plans and made me feel bad for leaving her out of my plan or something. So much so I would feel gulity then cancel my plans

[@PoyTroy]

Same. I remember when my child was born and few months old. I called and ask how's he doing. She replied, why is it always about him. All we do is talk about him. I was like what? I just asked how's he doing lol. Threw me off

[@kimkoch3272]

He always said “its my way or the highway!” He was brutal. I haven’t been in a relationship for 5 years. Don’t want to go through that ever again!

[@jasonbotting3666]

Took me 5 years to start dating again. It's really hard to trust especially since I'm overly sensitive to narcissist behavior.

[@dhd-00]

The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@trinimartinez8620]

Woke up one morning went to brush my teeth and I could not keep the water in my mouth. I looked in the mirror and one side of my face was distorted. I thought I had a stroke. I opened the door and said to my ex that I think I’m having a stroke and need to go hospital right away. She replied, “ ok call me when you know what’s going on” then went back to looking at her phone. Turned out to be Bell’s Palsy(temporary paralysis) in retrospect she was absolutely brutal

[@stevelangely8004]

I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom after spending the night with the narc, who asks while peeing: "Washing the taste of my dick out your mouth?" I flushed that relationship down the toilet.

[@martyvirtue4051]

It is a side effect of the covid vaccine

[@mrwess1927]

Dying on the floor, intense pain? Time to start a fight. Asked her to drive me to the hospital, drove myself. Surgery 3days in hospital. Never visited or called. Tried to restart fight when I came home.

[@lochnessmunster1189]

@@mrwess1927 They are like terminators.. without remorse, guilt or shame.. and only after their own goals.

[@emmarae4322]

They are scum. I’m so sorry.😢

[@kenjileach]

I had no idea I had married a covert narcist until watching your video on this subject. Almost started having anxiety thinking of always making the sacrifices, but never being thanked. I'm thankful my children's action during a mental health crisis opened my eyes and allowed me to let go of my BP/BPD obsessive love I had for those boys. I am on my own, but this knowledge helps in my healing. Thank you for your insight.

[@tad1111]

8 of the ten for my relationship unfortunately.

[@willabestorms6059]

I must profess; having watching these type of videos for about 10 years, your videos are very concise, to the point, exacting and tremendously helpful. Thank you very much…..

[@terrapintravels3829]

I left the narcissist husband almost 3 years ago. I have done a lot of healing, I still have more healing to do. Thank you for this video.

[@haroldcampbell3337]

Cutting off all contact with my narcissist ex-wife was one of the best things I ever did.

[@dinab7852]

Same here with my narcissistic ex-husband.

[@anthonyinsani9914]

No doubt

[@conartist267]

You’ve taught me so much Lise in my time of being alone between relationships. I’m feeling more confidant about guarding my heart even though I’m alone. God bless 💜

[@sand0077]

As a survivor of one of these relationships, I can say what Lise says is spot on. After my sweet wife passed three years ago, this was my first attempt at another relationship and what a rude, eye opening, confusing mess it was. Continue staying in one then watch your own mental health decline. A true rollercoaster ride that will tax you to the limit and then some. Go no contact and avoid being an emotional punching bag to preserve your sanity!

[@MarkSeaman-k5i]

Wow that sounds like the exact same thing i went through,my wife passed away 3 years ago,my first relationship was awful and the worst person i could have met,she was intensely jealous of my wife whom she never met right from the go,should have walked away then but i was vulnerable finding out about narcissism and lise's videos has helped me understand what i was involved with and understand how much it takes away from you mentally,please just walk away from this relationship you will not get anything from it,if your empathic, and loyal person !!!!

[@dinab7852]

This video describes my narcissistic ex-husband 100%. He discarded me for the final time and I blocked 🚫 him everywhere on April 8. NO MORE losing my mind and being stressed 24/7 or having panick attacks.

[@Uchutanjyo]

I have been reading lots of comments on many of your and have noticed many people saying ‘it’s like you’re describing my experience EXACTLY!’. While I have heard you explain many narcissistic traits which definitely parallel my partner’s behaviour in certain ways, I did not feel that it matched ‘exactly’ until this video- specifically, the part where you explained that any criticism, regardless of how politely or calmly stated, is perceived as an attack, while they feel fully justified criticizing in any way they feel like - THAT has been exactly my experience. I’ve actually explained it directly to her in these words.

[@douglasmiller1212]

I agree that not all applied to my case but so many did, and what was telling about those, is that these keys "unlocked" so many mystifying behaviors that didn't feel healthy and normal. My ex was most narcissistic when stressed. Unfortunately, her need for drama and novelty kept her stressed a lot of the time. So I think the degree and circumstances can vary on a spectrum. Wish I would have seen this video three weeks into the relationship. Mine body shamed me and also left me right after a death in the family. Both are used as examples here.

[@bugsbunny857]

I wish I had realised that my ex was a narcissist for the two dreadful years we were emmeshed. Looking back on things now and watching your videos is helping me to heal and see the situation for what it was. I am so embarrassed at how I handled things and wish I had not given up my power and let him win. I finally ended things for good a few months ago but I'm the loser who wasted my time and energy on someone who couldn't have cared less about me. I'm sure he thinks and says terrible things about me and has already made up a story he tells himself absolving him of any guilt or regret.

[@Hamzak786]

you're not a loser. You got out of that situation, which was shit. Believe me you've won and focus on yourself become the best version of you.

[@mariapatricio1392]

Please do not feel embarrassed! You were not the problem, he was! Learn to be kind to yourself-I know it is hard after all the programming and abuse. But you deserve kindness! And congratulations for having left, you were stronger than me. Well done you. You should be proud! He is the loser!

[@FirePuff12]

I wouldn’t call it losing when you didn’t even know there was a game. You’re learning, that’s what matters

[@Tsjoosie]

As a (mostly) recovered narcissist I'm SO happy to realise how much I have healed, thanks to your video. I just got myself out of a 1 year relationship with a narc man, thinking I was the problem. GOOD RIDDANCE!

[@damonw2286]

I am so glad I found your channel Lise. You just laid out my entire 13 year marriage. I wish I could talk with you one on one, I could back up each scenario you go through with a thousand real life stories I endured to back this up. I am now filing for divorce, and of course it had to go this way so I will forever be the "Bad guy". Thank you.

[@haysjack6818]

I divorced my narcissist wife of ten years 23 years ago. I incredibly still to this day she slanders me to anyone who will listen!

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Good riddance. Celebrate.

[@haysjack6818]

I hope you don't have any young children because she will use your kids like objects to get what she wants. It is hard for a normal person to comprehend how much a narcissists mother will harm her own children to hurt you and get what she wants. After I filed for divorce it took two years to get the divorce. She accused me of just about everything you can think of. Started a custody battle trying to take my two daughters away. I had no choice to then fight for custody. I never wanted to take them away from their mother. I just wanted to be a father. It is wrong that the courts in my state forced me to nearly go bankrupt simply because I wanted to be a father. In the end we got shared custody. then 2 years later she abandoned her daughters. I raised them completely on my own from ages 7 and 9 GOOD LUCK!

[@damonw2286]

@@haysjack6818 Hi Mr. Hays, Yup I have a 12 year old daughter (ours) and two steps sons from her previous train-wreck marriage. Thank you for sharing your story...I know I have a battle ahead of me.

[@PoyTroy]

You were already gonna be pinned that nobody if you stayed or leaved. Believe me. Speaking from experience lol

[@Vic-de6ud]

Tbh, i think we all have some narcissitic traits. I learned a lot from watching these videos. I can recall some of these things or words my ex did or said to me. But I can also identify some terrible actions of mine that probably hurt him as well. But again, the fact that he's able to quickly move on into a new relationship two weeks after we broke up, with the exact same person that I accused him of being too "intimate with" while we were still in a committed relationship made me realised this person is too toxic for me. I might be narcissistic but he surely got more problems. Can't believe i ignored all the red flags during this entire time while i was with him.

[@redefinedliving5974]

Talk only about yourself

[@mustapbaazizi7671]

If you are a narcissit you would not have fallen as prey for him

[@KentPatriot]

Sounds like your suspicion was aroused by intuition which proved correct in the end. Enough said 👏

[@leannmeddings4068]

Everyone will do something that is narcissistic and gaslight another person. Its when it happens all the time thats the problem.

[@ShawnMurray-z2l]

What does TBH mean?

[@larryjeffryes6168]

Started on wedding night. Actually made me throw our wedding photos away. Begged her to listen “our wedding photos are in here!”! To escape berating I actually did and hoped she was right that they weren’t in the stuff I was told to throw away.

[@chazgeorgebatmanhotline7069]

Dear Lise, I can't thank you enough for helping me with your videos. It's like you're speaking for me when I can't find the words and you're advocating for me. You're the very best of your kind.

[@apureenergyme9]

Gina the strength to be on your own, be ok by just yourself. It will solve all the narcissistic problems in your life. Once you don’t feel lacking something in you, you are at a very different state of the mind. No narc can get into your life anymore. Trust me. It’s up to you heal more become more healthy and find a healthier partner, but for me I am ok just be with myself at this point. I am in peace.

[@muskokamike127]

8:03 "just wanted to go on a trip and didn't want to go alone" My ex told me about going on a trip with her gf....but decided against it because her gf liked to go on tours and she liked to stick around the hotel and read. I let it slide but thought "what is wrong with you? When you travel with someone, you sometimes do what they want, sometimes do what you want, and generally share the experiences". This lined up with our first (and only) weekend away together. She suggested we go camping. She chose the place, and we chose the spot. Ok, so I borrowed a little trailer from a buddy. First night? fine.....get up the next morning, have breakfast, clean up, sitting around the spot enjoying the quiet, I pull out a book, and said "I'd be perfectly happy hanging out here and enjoying the quiet" Her answer? "WELL, I"M going to the BEACH"...whoa.....no "ok, well, how would you feel about me going down to the beach for a while and if you're in the mood, come join me"? Or "ok, we can hang out here for a bit, maybe later when it gets hot we can go for a swim"? It only went downhill from there. I thought, I'm just here because she didn't want to go camping alone, I'm her security blanket. After we'd broken up I noticed this was the main theme of our relationship: I was an accessory, a tool to be used from time to time when she needed me.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

An appliance

[@muskokamike127]

@@Clevelandsteamer324 exactly.

[@mrwess1927]

Come here when I need your help.. then forgotten

[@ColKlink-yh1ro]

You are a lovely soul. And so correct. I'm living life with my loved wife. Thank you for your work, because we all have a job to do. Even in my retirement. I love you. God bless you.

[@michaelking4578]

And I love you.

[@brockingtonsmarcus8997]

I really thank you for your message 💯 I was in a toxic relationship. You helping me not to go back 💯🙏💪

[@scottward9976]

I could not be more grateful to Lise for these clips. After my former GF contacted me on my birthday in Feb, its been on, and ive lost all those months it took to not perceverate over her.

[@BJBlaskovichGaming]

Thank you, Lise. You’re a blessing. Keep doing what you’re doing for us men! There’s not many females like you out there fighting for/educating us.

[@thesilencebehindsounds]

woa you're saving my life. Just escaped out of a very intense relationship with a female narcissist and she tries to pull me back in with all means - especially now pulling on my emotional strings because of the christmas time.. thank you for you're help, i was in a constant state of anxiety until i left.

[@LiseLeblanc]

So happy to hear that you got out and are staying out!

[@PsychedPerspective]

& yes everything is always on their terms!!! Anything you want or need is not seen as important and it’ll never happen if the narc doesn’t want it. Meanwhile you’re going above n beyond for them!

[@jerrya8522]

You are "spot on" with the tendencies and habits my narcissist has.

[@Stefan-ql5ze]

Thank you for the last missing puzzle pieces. This video says it all and helped to reassure my assumptions once again.

[@dhanrajmohan701]

Public comment. God bless you. Continue the great work. I am happy and proud of you Ms for sharing your knowledge and inspiration with humanity.

[@davidmunroeprecisionengine6121]

Truly brilliant, probably the best video on KZbin about narcissism. Thanks

[@egoalter8745]

Yes, I found it very helpful and right on time. I mean how is that possible that your video about female covert narcissist's was first in recommended on yt when I needed. God bless you 🙏

[@EvaEva-lf3ww]

Very grateful for your video

[@dinab7852]

They will DENY, DENY, DENY even when caught & they take, take, take. EXACTLY 👏👏👏

[@gorunsko31]

When traveling, he demands I smile to the camera, so he can post the "happy" pics on social media.

[@PoyTroy]

The more and more i watch your videos. The more i go down the checklist of everything my ex did. She s a covert narc. Very scary seeing all you've laid out, and she hits just about everything you said to a Tee lol. I'm just happy tobe out that situation. And I'm not her main focus anymore lol

[@camillabartlett9128]

Spot on Thanks Lisa

[@raginald7mars408]

... as a German Biologist - I observe myself- what attracts me. Then I STOP. Is this essential ? I force myself to walk away from ANYTHING not Essential. Intense Inner Strength training. RADAR- to sense things from afar. And stay away - when it is antagonistic and destructive. As we are stuck in infancy - we crave for anything by Sudden Impulses for Rewards. That is the source of Miseries... and the Source for pushing Mind Opiates to crave for

[@Jason64976]

you videos, especially for men are so perfect thanks for that perspective!❤

[@gorunsko31]

Thank you so much. Sadly this awareness is coming late for me.. I am 73, tired and at times devastated, also feeling trapped by my compassion for narc and concerns for our adults children and grandchildren...I mean, If I leave now, they will not understand why and will feel hurt by my decision. As I write this I also feel how unfair it is for me to be concern about him and family, because he has been making threats to our marriage many times ...when we were both young he demanded "open marriage" (I refused but still felt hurt by it), several times told me he wants divorce, but most painfully, he told me his marriage proposal was not sincere....he "revealed' this to me in the Sixth year of our marriage after I already left my family of origin in different country, before immigrating to his. I made a promised to "cherish" him when I said "I do." It is quite of a dilemma for me now: to stay or to go. I would love to get to know myself as I am before I die...Your 10 are an accurate match for my 10, Lise. Very well organized and clear presentation.🙏❤

[@monicahocking1507]

I completely understand what your saying. Your compassion is remarkable. You have put everyone first. I admire you ❤. You have actually helped me to make a decision. Thank you. From Australia.

[@victorcayro3753]

I would think at least one of your children would be aware of what your husband is, sympathizes and will understand completely if you divorce. I feel for you , I didn’t even know what I was dealing with had a name, now I don’t feel crazy.

[@gorunsko31]

@@victorcayro3753 Thank you for a supportive message. Yes, it feel good not to feel "crazy" and begin believing yourself.

[@lea88pu]

I know it is easy for me to write but you should do it and live! You owe it to yourself. It is not selfish! It is loving yourself for a change! If you have material possibility, the rest will follow and the inner circle know how he is and if they have empathy they will support you. 💯%

[@taom9004]

Well, I think you are caught between a rock and a hard place. But you know what it will be if you stay: more of the same, and actually, in my experience, it only gets worse. He's told you several times he wants a divorce. If it's possible, if you can manage it, it's a lot easier if you can get him to discard you. If you can afford it maybe hire a younger woman to catphish him or something creative like that...If he has another source of supply he might very well leave you. I took my husband of 34 years to a marriage counsellor and after seven hours of working with us, she held him accountable and asked what he was going to do, going forward, to stop creating distance, that his wife was hurting, and he dumped me right then and there. But he had an apartment and a job, and was looking for another 'life', in another city. And while I was deeply hurt, devastasted, some part of me also knew this was probably lucky. And five years later I can tell you it was. I love Lise's excellent videos but also follow Dr Ramani's. She's also got a lot of good advice. I wish you well...I wish you happiness.

[@hj8501]

❤ I hear you ,Roy! Peace is the jewelry of life! May I exit in peace...all is well! I will continue to love and enjoy the gift of God for mankind! The enemy must not win! 😍 always

[@harperlewis1526]

Just spot on, solid observations and recommendations as always, thank you!!!

[@taom9004]

My ex did not demean [generally]. He ignored. If I wasn't on the pedastal or he wasn't in a lovebombing phase it's like I was just a prop in his marriage. Trophy wife, largely shelved. When triggered he could become vicious, but I think I have a high amount of agreeableness in my personality, so I didn't poke the tiger very often until the end. I didn't know about narcissism back then, but I knew that I couldn't live with the constant shallowness, black and white thinking, Jeckyl/Hyde swings, lying, stonewalling, victim mentality. He dumped me after 34 years of [difficult] marriage. Thank God.

[@harperlewis1526]

You are so lucky to have been discarded! My wife of 36 years 'discarded' me 8 years ago because of an accident that changed our standard of living (she refused to get a job) and then started demanding a divorce. I finally said yes, and now she is fighting it, making me file so I am the bad guy, smearing me, etc. She was never one to cheat, but the rage, Jekyll/Hyde, black/white views of people, etc and the light switched on, when she started on our daughter. All 4 kids will have nothing to do with her or have moved away. And she refuses to move out, and is playing the victim to the court and at church. Oh, to be discarded!!!

[@taom9004]

​@@harperlewis1526 Oh man. But at least your kids have clarity! So many people on this site have had their children turned against them. My son was generally more supportive of his father [he looked like the more vulnerable parent and I guess, in a way, he really is] but my ex moved back into the house my son and his girlfriend had been renting from him, and now he's been living with them for three years. [It's a really tight rental market] That has been a game changer. I don't think he trash talks me, It's more like I never existed, maybe some to a few people, I dunno. Canadians are more reserved about this sort of thing, but I have lost some couples friends. I'm trying to see that as a gift in disguise, too, but it was a lonely Covid, I will tell you. It sucks you are in court, though. Even more that you are under the same roof, super toxic. Dr Ramani also has good videos on how to deal with these types: DEEP. Look her up, too. Maybe find yourself a support group or therapist, if you can afford it. My ex dumped me b/c he got a hotshot job in the big city and his own apartment. I truly did luck out, there, although it was brutal at the time. And he did walk around that first year acting like HE was the one who got dumped! It was surreal, but that's because I didn't yet know what I was dealing with. I sweetened the pot - - gave up more in cash/resources in the separation agreement to avoid it, [around 20%. My legal fees were already at $30,000.00 for a no-fault divorce] b/c you just do not know if the judge has a clue about this stuff or not and it can go sideways. In Canada, it's supposed to be a straightforward 50/50 split. I know divorce lawyers who will do a separation agreement for $1,500 bucks, and then a Divorce declaration through the feds costs that, too] But he had taken all the money out of our joint account, etc. etc. so I was at ten times that amount in legal fees, and climbing. When it looked like I might not have been able to avoid serving him, I did google how to beat a narcissist in court and there were a number of youtubes and articles out there that had good advice. Document, document, document, is one, but there are other strategies. I feel your pain. Good luck.

[@harperlewis1526]

@@taom9004 I've been watching Dr Ramani for 2 years and just Lise just came up in my feed recently. My wife will not negotiate, she wants it ALL, not 50:50. Thank you for the well wishes and I will get into support group once it's done, because somehow she will find a way to use it against me. Best for you as well.

[@karenwhite7194]

You are so good. Right on point. Just found you and glad I did.

[@muskokamike127]

5:45 One thing they also do when you're going through a "crisis" is pounce. Use that moment to dig at you deeper. For eg: my last gf started not just one, but TWO arguments with me 30 minutes after I got home from my father's funeral in another town. She came over to "comfort" me yet didn't hesitate to pounce. Instead of over reacting, like I normally did when she pulled this stunt, I just calmly said "I think it's time for you to go"...... One of them was about me not feeling well, scratchy throat, sniffles, headache, "I must have caught it from you" NOOoooOOOooooOOOOOooo way you did, nope, no, not from meeee. Yet 4 days prior SHE had it and caught it from her brother who also caught it from her nephew. You see, anything that could be construed as "her fault" she denied with every fibre of her being. I used to tease her "you could be driving down the road, lose control, run up on the curb and run over someone and you'd blame them for getting blood on your bumper".

[@blackdog1392]

Yes they wait until you are at your most vulnerable then lay the boot in. My ex psychopathic bf invited me to his for dinner the day after ny beloved dog had died in an accident and used the occasion to subject me to a mass of abuse about how our failing relationship was all my fault etc. I left and remember sitting in my car outside his house crying like a baby over my dog and his cruelty to me. I never went back and never spoke to him again. They are malevolent sadistic inhuman soulless sickos. I hope he burns in hell.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

@@blackdog1392 yep, had one like that, loved to torture the family pet, too. They are demonic. Evil. Devil's tools. More of them coming to the fore..not to plague us, but being used to help us learn, learn to value ourselves, have clear boundaries and recognize the divine spark within ourselves. Because, most likely, when we are centered in God, those devils may try, but feel compelled to go elsewhere for their evil machinations. Like, when your home has an excellent lock and security system, thieves go to another place that is easy to get into.

[@douglasmiller1212]

Yep, I called her after my mom passed and she was angry at me for not calling sooner. It was all about her.

[@muskokamike127]

@@douglasmiller1212 exactly.

[@ralucamera6574]

Thank you for sharing these informations.❤

[@crusherbmx]

It started off as being "just friends", then the love bombing, which felt fake, like it was obviously a trick....I didn't fall for that and figured it would end soon enough, or she would lose interest and leave...didn't happen, it's like I was a possession that she wanted to show off to the world, which I didn't see at first because....well.....why would that happen to me?

[@LouwrensVantonder-c8n]

All true mam , every word you explain Thank you

[@edweirdmassey]

thanks Lise you described my marriage to a tee. I know i am not qualified to make a diagnosis, but......if it waddles like a duck, quacks like a duck and flies like a duck. it probably is a duck. or in my case a NPD.

[@sissysp8924]

Yep I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with my husband. He twists everything back to me always my fault. Controlling with everything. He doesn’t cheat money is everything with him. He is the rule maker has to be his way or no way. Yep manipulate. I owe him for everything. It’s hard and sad jealous of my kids yep. Yep belittling me always. Thank you

[@lochnessmunster1189]

Leave him, if you can. I can't see him getting better.

[@grantwithers]

It's not they want you to be miserable for the rest of your life, it's that they want you to worship their false persona forever (so their real persona can take a break from that worshipping of their false persona).

[@Jeff-ng5ig]

Thank you! You make so much sense.

[@richwebb3943]

I had a short relationship with someone I suspect to be a narcissist. She has completely ruined my life in that short time. When I took on a huge leap for her, I ended up having a breakdown as I was struggling with my divorce and she left we immediately, despite saying I was the love of her life. I am now s completely broken man.

[@DustinKeesbury]

Rich you aren't broken my friend you will make it through this very difficult time. God loves you and you have it within you to recover no matter how hard it gets.

[@SM-tl9ls]

Complete brokenness leads to complete and new rebuilding. A stronger you will emerge after this dark night of the soul phase. I was in your place 9 months ago. It DOES and WILL get better. God designs these events in our life so we take a very hard look at ourselves and fix ourselves for the best. Good luck and God speed.

[@toneman335]

Very insightful video.

[@MichaelBurset]

I love your content Lise!

[@dhanrajmohan701]

Public comment. I feel more confident about what you said and how to deal with toxic pardner who do not value your life and care about how you feel. It sad that people don't have emotions and feelings for someone who dedicated their time and effort to make them happy.

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for great examples.

[@ORHANBAKI-kb9ju]

It is a scientifically based, very useful, great video many, many thanks. Orhan Baki, Şenlikköy-Florya/Istanbul-Turkey.

[@brockingtonsmarcus8997]

Because every time I hear one of your messages. it reminds me of what I was just in😮 and everything that you say. that what she was doing😢 I'm going to wait on God 🙏 he's never wrong when he bring someone to you. 💯🙏💪 Thank you

[@janvanardoen9531]

Very useful video. Nice hands , by the way.

[@isuruherath7281]

Exactly that's it 🙏❤️

[@JuneJarka]

Very helpful. Thank you.

[@raven-wolf9252]

Best video yet.... On my saved ❤

[@rezolution4340]

Dr. Leblanc, can you provide one comparing a normal relations vs one with BPD and not just at the beginning phase. Its a bit confusing for us dealing with BPD partners because everywhere we look, we hear every couple of fights and every relationship has ups and downs. How are these fights and ups and downs with a "normal" relationship different than BPD up and downs.

[@jesuswilljudge7296]

I called mine out on his lies, abuse, deceitfulness, so he now not proposing to me giving me my ring he owed me from 1997, I dodged a bullet.

[@bradlloyd6261]

Thank you!

[@upclosesneakers6875]

Yup, mine said she will never wish me happiness....even though she is the drama causing factor with her actions.. spiteful people they are..

[@jklynb]

I couldn’t even go to work without him sitting 8 hours in the parking lot insisting I spent every break and lunch in the car with him. I couldn’t talk to anyone else or do what I wanted.

[@badgerden7080]

What if I make a mistake and accuse a partner of being a narc when she isn't? The consequences could be very bad. I would feel terrible to hurt someone I love.

[@michaelking4578]

She's a narc. If you have to wonder she is. And you are codependent....probably.

[@taom9004]

You NEVER tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iYGxl2OPprJrorc

[@kylej741]

If you are watching this, you already know.

[@douglasmiller1212]

If you "accuse" her, then duck ...

[@GRADGRAD-jq9nk]

I would wake up and she would be talking to me and as soon as my eyes would open she would roll over and pretend to be asleep. When I asked what she was doing I must have dreamed it. What does that sound like?

[@robertthomas6907]

My wife told me she was too busy to care about my accident. I was injured and in a lot of pain for over a year. She accused me of cheating and told me to move out. She said I told her I have a girlfriend. She completely lost her mind. I am too hurt to move or have a girlfriend. I refused to move as she demanded for months and devalued me. She told me I was too weak to be with her. I offered divorce and finally demanded a divorce to comply to her demands. It hurts so bad to end a twenty two year marriage with child over a lie about me. I’ve endured months of silent treatment. She says I caused this.

[@CarlosHernandez-ss2yp]

I am here now...16 year relationship. m

[@peterbaev935]

My ex wife and I divorced December 2023. We had been on a break since july and after a month living together, we agreed that I should move out of our apartment for a while. In the beginning of september she told me that she hadn't given up on us but it had been hard for her. Two weeks after she called me to feed out cat for the weekend because she had been invited to travel to the countryside with her male colleague..the final thing literally broke my heart. On the day of out anniversary she was with him. All the problems of the relationship were concidered to be my fault..she had even threaten to kill herself while having some mental breakdown after a fight. In the end she though that I should go seek psychological help for the fact I had ,,anger issues'' because I shouted twice at her during our quarrels /it's not something I'm proud of, of course/. However..her reason for discarding me was that she couldn't see me as the same person. So I'm living now in my apartment with the cat since october. I hope to heal because she was the love of my life and after the divorce hearing she told me that she loves me.

[@writer1986]

I dated and married a man whom I thought was genuine and authentic, only to learn he's selfish, lazy, entitled, dependent on his parents, etc. I was so confused. WHAT did I marry? And having kids only brought out the worst in him (except in public and on social media). So I physically left him after 5 years, which made him hit rock bottom, and now we're in therapy.... I didn't know I had married a narcissist. But the red flags were there. Now I know.

[@mariapatricio1392]

Be aware, this people don’t change, not in any significant way. Take cake!

[@MrJfortheElohim]

Lise, is it normal in a relationship to spend the majority of your time with extended family than you do with your immediate family? Does that make a person narcissistic because they want to get the full benefits of being in a relationship?

[@DJJAW11]

... Would a narcissist, stay in contact with a couple of relatives/cousins. One she only met about once. Granted other,would meet, Christmas times,boxing days etc. It's most odd?.

[@garrimic3]

10:31 … this area of the video is what my ex wife is trying to do. She says that she doesn’t understand why we just can’t get along and be friends. Get together for the holidays… so on and so on. I know what she’s trying to do and I’m not gonna be strung along with someone who has no ability to apologize but only gaslighting and shifting blame for her destructive behaviors. She put me through hell our entire relationship and it took me 25 years to figure her out…. No more…

[@Hamzak786]

With my ex she used to buy me food and things whatever I wanted it.. She used to love bomb me alot, within 4 weeks she wanted me to see her parents then next week she wanted to move in. It was moving away to fast. After three months everything flipped it was like our whole relationship changed. I felt like this is not the person I entered a relationship with. Whenever I criticized or even gave constructive criticism, she would use it against me then use my flaws to bring me down. I felt like I was losing my sanity, she always used to gas light me. If my needs weren't met she would bring up the past when she did met them or use something against me. I was upset and depressed cried in front of her, she used to against me in arguments, like I was overreacting. Whenever I had issues with my car or got into a car accident, I was upset she would say "a real man wouldn't get upset". She would comfort me in a werid way like to say I know your weak. She would make me feel like shit, when I was struggling. She knew I was depressed and going through things yet she used it against me, all because I did not supply her with attention for a week, whilst she was at her cuzzns house. She broke up with me in a text. I caught her texting another guy, then she flipped at me and blamed that I was going too extreme. She broke the boundaries. She took me on a trip and it was terrible but she wanted me. She couldn't go alone so wanted me to come with her. She belitted my family alot, its weird she wanted me to push them away. She used to say I was werid for being quiet when we used go out with public with friends etc. She used to act like I was in the wrong. I could never be me. After the breakup she would pop up and play so many games. She even texted my friends saying that we broke up and she wants everyone to be happy etc. Making herself looking infront of them. She wants to met them aswell, which is weird why would you want to met an ex's friend. Probably to talk crap about me and try to find out what's up in my life...

[@jacksaintjack2844]

I was involved in an online relationship that started out great gradually moved to affection and then love bombing. I am not a person who argues EVER. With her, there was at least one every day. At the end when she asked for money to come see me and I refused, she went ballistic. Demeaning, insulting rants. She even said I was not a real man (5:55) or I would have made the trip happen. Textbook narcissist.

[@douglasmiller1212]

Yes, I too found myself reacting in ways I'd never reacted in a relationship before. Until I finally learned not to react ...

[@rapstar4575]

Lisa is in the house 🎉😂❤

[@genxkevin]

great stuff , thank you

[@GooseLauver]

I don't think my bf is a narcissist but I think he weirdly lies sometimes and he love bombed me. He doesn't sound like the other things you said. Most of the time it feels like he really cares about me. But I'm confused and thinking it's just all in my head.

[@Referee006]

I think that you look great with your new hairstyle.

[@ckyung1312]

We were in a LDR. I met her during a break from work that lasted almost three months. I did all of the driving of hundreds of miles back and forth to see her. She never offered to pay for anything, or split the bill when we went out. I even had to buy groceries because she would let her refrigerator go empty. She was a disorganized slob at home, and found any excuse to be lazy and entitled. She would let dirty dishes pile up in the sink, on the counters, and on her kitchen table before washing a few just to eat a meal. That should’ve been a warning to stay away from her, but she love bombed me so hard in the beginning I overlooked many red flags. When I had to go back to work, she got upset with me for leaving her. She broke up with me blaming me for always leaving her and not living up to the promise of a stable and secure partner. Two weeks after she broke up with me she lamented how cold and un-inviting her bed now was and that she was forced to sleep in her living room because her bed was now so cold and lonely. A couple days after she told me that sob story, she bragged to me about how much fun she was having with coworkers and how she was anticipating having a fun sex like with them in the very near future. When I said “I’m sorry” for my part of having to leave and go back to work at home away from her (not really my fault, it just is what it is, I was still offering to drive to see her when I could) she said that I didn’t need to feel so sorry, like, she didn’t blame me and that I was just punishing myself by being sorry. A week later she hoovered and went on and on how she enjoyed my company and texting back and forth. Then, when I didn’t seem very interested, and took longer and longer to respond to her texts, she got upset and ghosted me. Good riddance.

[@emmarae4322]

The “side supply “ absolutely, he ended up cheating with her saying when I left he went to her “ for comfort.” Who does that? Former intimate partners are not just friends. He had an affair before we broke up, he wound admit it. Ugh.

[@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485]

I’m 40 I don’t think I know what a healthy relationship is one reason I think is I have realized my mother is very narcissistic. Was married 11 years the last 7 years there was little love sex and affection “all you care about is sex”…..

[@deedeebutler]

My wife threw me out 19th Dec. Cause I am a addict. Who embarrassed and was devalued again. Did it 2 literally as well. On new years Eve. I'm just now seeing what she's done. I'll never be able to get her to show me anything...I'm BPD myself abandon. She always has. I didn't see it until I woke up 4 days ago. I love her she can't....

[@bostonjackson9384]

2:50 Yep

[@plusone8015]

"It didn't matter to him that she hadn't written in 6 years. It didn't matter that she turned him in for a reward. The big lug loved her... and if he was still alive... it wouldn't matter to him that she'd pumped 3 bullets into him... What a world." - Raymond Chandler

[@kaytiedidd1780]

Lise, do you have any videos on Empaths? I am having trouble understanding that one. Thanks.

[@suzsiz]

At 4 months his crazy-making starting to come out 🤯😣

[@Аноним-щ3н]

So nice.

[@wigglywrigglydoo]

Hi Lise, there's an area I don't quite connect with. Sensitivity to criticism, when it comes to a covert (especially a female) narcissist. Most videos I see on KZbin describe them as being hostile, and defensive. But do they also meet you with hostility and defensiveness? What about extreme self blaming, crying, taking things totally out of context, to the point that it's crazy. For example, the person would throw food crumbs into your rugs. When you tell them not to, they act all ashamed, and telling you that you think they're a dirty person, then cry. But continue to do it almost every time they're over at your house, and react in the same way every time you ask this person not to put food scraps in your sofa and rugs? Was this a deliberate plan to slowly break down one's boundaries?

[@kevinowens6010]

No someone likes spankings. Look at the behavior. If childish then you might have a trait. Might be just a kink that your not picking up on that needs service. In my book a Narc is a cheating lieing Theif. Dishonest Trianglelating scumbag with a smirk on the face when caught. A creditcard jacker Alcohol drug induced rager or charmer. A pornstar Gambling serial killer that hates your guts because your waking up to their BS that keeps you completely confused. Get to know their playbook.

[@dare2race]

Sounds like BPD

[@grantwithers]

"What about extreme self blaming, crying, taking things totally out of context, to the point that it's crazy. For example, the person would throw food crumbs into your rugs. When you tell them not to, they act all ashamed, and telling you that you think they're a dirty person, then cry. " That's because their true persona, as opposed to the fake persona they adopt and face the world with, is that of a small child. That true persona is the real them by the way. When you see the reacting like that, that is the real them. They continue to do it because... they are in fact the small child persona as their real self/real persona. Just like a small child would do. "Was this a deliberate plan to slowly break down one's boundaries?" As I understand it they don't actually have "evil plans" like this, and they're not "evil geniuses" all that often (vast majority are not). It was more likely that is just their true persona (that of a small child) showing itself.

[@alexperry5134]

True that, I believe NPD is learned, not from one parent alone, but generations!. That’s how insane NOD can get.

[@alexperry5134]

Meant NPD

[@twhalin]

My ex was diagnosed with bpd, but is it possible this person is a narcissist as well?

[@heythere6983]

What about the people who say narcissist can infact apologize and even cry and be super apologetic? Are these people who simply claim narcissists where in their life but really weren’t?

[@Angie-ef1hw]

I haven't anyone but him in my life. It's work then him. I have no other outlet Ive been with him for over 20 years I don't know how to meet other people friends at my age. I want to move on. I know this.

[@martyvirtue4051]

Maybe knowing you are not the only one helps to get in motion

[@jaredsummers2460]

This is exactly what I go through with my wife

[@sandager4628]

Hej Lise. I am one of your fans. I can only find video ressourcer on these subjects directed towards victims in partnerships with NPD. Where are the tools for the narcissist with some degree of insight into their own illness?

[@juliak2591]

So what is the solution?

[@brianreed8271]

If the relationship is as toxic as the video explains the only solution is to get out and stay out. And go completely no contact. If children are involved check out the KZbin channel called dad's surviving divorce. If you're in a relationship like this good luck I hope the best for you. It almost killed me and I've seen others die.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Complete no contact